tv The Daily Show Comedy Central July 20, 2017 11:00pm-11:31pm PDT
to be celebrated. >> all: this is something to be celebrated. >> blessed be the fruit. >> all: under his eye. >> now, here's your worst employee of the week. good night. >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show"! thank you so much for tuning in! thank you, everybody! i'm trevor noah. my guest tonight from the hbo show "insecure" issa rae is here, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) could not be more excited. but first, breaking news -- the juice is loose! >> breaking news in the last
hour, o.j. simpson has been granted parole and will go free after specific nine years in a nevada prison for stealing sports memorabilia in a botched robbery in las vegas. >> trevor: o.j. is finally free! which is great news because he now has time to finally find the real robbers! yes! ( laughter ) unlike 90% of the television shows in the last nine years, only once was the trial mentioned specifically. >> we've received hundreds of letters of support and opposition and while we encourage public input the majority of opposition letters are asking us to consider your 1995 acquittal and subsequent civil judgment. however, these items will not be considered in this case. >> trevor: and everyone in the courtroom was, like, boo! we want our money back!
show the documentary! boo! boo! ( laughter ) say what you want about o.j., he made a pretty good case for why he should get out. >> i've always thought i've been pretty good with people and i basically have spent a conflict-free life. >> trevor: yeah! ( laughter ) yeah! i had a lot of conflict and i mostly got off free! yeah! conflict-free? like, that doesn't even make sense on a football level. what are you talking about, o.j.? i like how he says it -- i did nothing -- i mean one time. this one thing, you gonna brit up every time? ( laughter ) now, of course, just because you're talking about armed robbery doesn't mean there isn't plenty of room for laughs. >> we have you very recently turned 90 years old. 90. i'm sorry about that. you look great! ( laughter ) how about we take two decades
off and call you 70? >> trevor: oh, o.j., he still kills like he's in his 40s, though. ( applause ) oh, man! oh, wow! wow! now, o.j. and his people reminded us he had been a model since in prison. he petitions for books from the library, coached softball team, never got in trouble. to me, that's kind of a reason to keep him in prison, it's the only place he's not committing crimes. but let's move on. donald trump's presidency hasn't been going great late by -- and by late by, i mean ever. ( laughter ) his plan to repeal obamacare is failing, his keeping frodo is in front of russian news and deleting all recordings of "fox & friends." he's, like, no! my stories! ( laughter ) in the face of that all, yesterday, president trump decided it was time to do some
damage control by talking to public enemy number one. >> president trump opening up to the "new york times" in a wide-ranging interview. >> a new revealing "new york times" interview that sheds light on his mindset. >> trevor: who needs more light shed on trump's mindset? like, who is this person? his twitter is basically a thousand-watt light bulb on his mind set yet someone is still, i need a little more light to get a good picture. you got the iphone app, the flash light? yeah, shine it over here. ( laughter ) why is he talking to failing "new york times"? aren't they fake news? trump is, like, none of what you report is accurate which makes you the best person to interview me. let's do it. ( laughter ) i understand. the bad news on trump was getting out of control so he felt it was time for him to take the wheel like a truck ton white house lawn and steer the conversation in a different direction. >> the president speaking publicly for the first time
about that previously undisclosed conversation with russia's vladimir putin at the g20 summit. >> so the meal was going and toward dessert i went down to just say hello the melania and while i was there i said hello to putin, just talked about things. actually, it was very interesting. we talked about adoption. ( laughter ) >> yeah. i asked him to adopt me. ( laughter ) ( applause ) and he said -- he said, i don't know if you notice, but you're already mine. ( laughter ) i felt love. ( laughter ) it was funny how he sounded like he was making up the story as he was going on. we talked about -- things. oh, wait! i have to share one of the other highlights with you. this is trump telling us about his new croissant crush, french
president macron. trump said, he's a great guy, smart, strong, loves holding my hand -- ( laughter ) people don't realize he loves holding my hand, and that's good as far as that goes. i think he's going to be a terrific president of france, but he does love holding my hand. ( laughter ) that's a real thing the guy said. ( applause ) that's a real thing! he loves holding my hands! mr. president, i hate to be the one to break it to you, macron wasn't holding your hands because he liked it, he was just trying to keep them off his wife. ( audience reacts ) ( applause ) very different thing. but it was when trump shared a history lesson that he picked up from that trip to france that the facts got really alternative. >> president trump told the
"times," "well, napoleon finished a little bad and his one problem is he didn't go to russia that night because he had extracurricular activities, and they froze to death." >> trevor: all right. i'm not a liar, i don't remember much french history, but that seems all kinds of wrong. ( laughter ) it sounds like the president is saying that there was this one specific night when napoleon could have gone to russia but didn't and then that's why his troops froze in russia? like the troops are just, like, where's napoleon? he didn't come! but he's got the space heater! oh, my god! no! ( laughter ) but the truth is, i don't understand what trump is saying, but when he said napoleon's extracurricular activities he made it sound like this. ( >> napoleon, shall we innovate russia tonight? >> i can't do that (bleep). i have a cooking class.
i meet this >> what about tomorrow? >> crate class >> yeah, i know what you were thinking -- i also thought napoleon was short. ( laughter ) so as strange as all that was, that was the amusing part of the interview. that's how trump puts the fun in fundamentally fun to be president. then the other part of the interview. if he could, donald trump would dismantle the rule of law like one of his marriages. >> the president said he would never have appointed attorney general jeff sessions if he knew sessions was going to recuse himself from the russia investigation. >> jeff sessions takes the job, gets into the job, recuses himself. i then have -- which, frankly, i think is very unfair to the president, how do you take a job and then recuse yourself? if he would have recused himself before the job, i would have
said, thanks, jeff, but i can't, you know, i'm not going to take you. ( laughter ) ( applause ) i am still stunned at how donald trump can make the most damning admissions as a "by the way," because, you realize, trump just admitted he only picked sessions because he thought he would quash investigations into trump and just says it -- he's like a really flippant killer, you know? he's, like, dude, did i tell you i got towed? i parked in front of this place where i killed a woman, right? and as i get to the car, the officer is hooking the car, and you're, like, whoa, whoa, whoa! what did you say? i said i god towed. no! he admits the thing. it was, like, very unfair to me, the president. also, trump, why would yao think
sessions could magically predict he would have to recuse himself after he took the job? he's an elf, not a genie. he can't do this! it's not how his brain works! it's not his magic! he can't take you there! ( applause ) like, this entire interview made it alarmingly clear donald trump sees the presidency as one of his companies, it's whole purpose is to serve only him. attorney general jeff sessions recuse himself because ethics and legal norms demand it, good for the country, unfair for trump, because in his mind it defeats the purpose of the justice department which he thinks is not to uphold law but to do the president's bidding. the same way he thinks the purpose of the energy department is to charge his iphone. plug it in, rick, daddy's got to tweet! ( laughter ) the only thing more shocking than his autocratic view of
hundreds of dollars on youmy car insurance. saved me huh. i should take a closer look at geico... (dog panting) geico has a 97% customer satisfaction rating! and fast and friendly claims service. speaking of service? oooo, just out. it was in. out. in! out. in! what about now? that was our only shuttlecock. take a closer look at geico. great savings. and a whole lot more. welcome back to "the daily show"! now, last night, there was a major fire storm on black twitter. for more on this we turn to roy wood, jr., everybody!
( cheers and applause ) what's going on, roy? >> dude, this whole week with black people been a trip, man! o.j. free, r. kelly running the weirdest music school i've ever heard of, and them dudes behind "game of thrones" finally found some roles for black people. >> hbo announce add new series from the creators of the wildly successful phenomenon "game of thrones." >> david benioff and d.b. weiss have a full season order from hbo for a series called confederate. it would imagine a world where the southern u.s. won the civil war, so modern day only if the confederacy won. ( laughter ) >> can you even imagine such a strange reality? a modern-day america where confederate flags fly everywhere, black people are treated like (bleep) and white supremacists run the country! where did they come up with this
stuff, man? hobb's doing it! oh, man, they're doing it! ( applause ) why do we need this? we already have a show about black people working hard for no money, it's called college basketball. >> trevor: yeah, but, roy, look on the bright side, at least this will mean more roles for black actors. >> or, knowing hollywood, the lead slave will probably be played by matt damon. probably won't even change his accent. he'll be on the plantation still talking boston, oh, mastah, i need nor chowdah. it's h aht! >> trevor: what accent is that? >> boston. >> trevor: that accent is so bad, i think you owe matt damon rep rations, man. ( laughter )
>> look, trevor, here's the bigger question, do we need any more what if shows, what if the gnats requests won world war, two what if women wore dumb hats and had to have other people's babies, what if in other words were (bleep)able? enough is enough, trevor! ( applause ) >> trevor: so you don't think there should be any more of these alternative history shows at all? >> oh, no, no, well, there is one project i've heard of that actually sounds a little promising. it's a show where -- all right, these africans colonize europe, and then the white people became slaves. it's called bitch better have my cotton. ( laughter ) ( applause ) see? now it makes sense to have a slave mat matt damon right ther, you've got to have a white slave. >> trevor: i don't see it. white slaves is this a cool
premise but it wouldn't work. >> they're working. >> trevor: they're getting outside and getting sun burned (bleep) and the black slave master would be what are you doing? i'm getting burned. he'll say, i'll do it myself. go in the house. why did you free the slaves? too much sunscreen, it doesn't work. >> you joke, trevor, but i heard that the script is amazing. as a matter of fact, there is already a bidding war going on. if any of these high-level executives that's out there are interested in producing, you know, this particular show -- look, they ship email at rwood78 at bitch better have my cotton tv show.com. ( applause ) it's not me! >> trevor: that's totally you. roy wood, jr., everybody! we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause ) "stay" by alessia cara. ♪wait a second "stay" by alessia cara. ♪your hands on mine
♪the clock is ticking, ♪so stay. ♪ try new pepsi fire. get it while it's hot. ♪ but did you check ebay? no. no?! [laughter] [crying] get deals on what's totally new and totally you. fill your cart with color. ebay. classic hershey's; plus cookie bits; plus caramel. hershey's cookie layer crunch. a layered twist on a classic. (quiet chatter) (soft gasp) (record scratching) ( ♪ ) (excited chatter) ( ♪ ) various: whoa!
you have...bug eyes! [intern] i have some terrible news. they're destroying the whole town! and i used to ask if you could hear me now, with verizon, but i switched to sprint. hey... are you happy that you switched? yes - their network reliability is within 1% of verizon and our unlimited plan is half what you pay with verizon for a family of four. half? you could save over $1000 in the first year! they've been ripping us off! just think what you could do with that money. i'd buy a new set of golf clubs. vacation. (vo) unlimited! only $22.50 per month per line. there's nearly 1,000 new stores opening across the country visit one for people with hearing loss, or shop online today. visit sprintrelay.com.
( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is the creator, effect producer and star of the critically acclaimed hbo series "insecure." >> join the club, (bleep). >> bank account i.e. >> malibu bitch, be honest. >> way better than a couple of months ago. i'm tired of this dating (bleep) girl. it's so much (bleep) work. all the messages i got to send, i got to be cute and careful and witty and charming -- a lot. >> not if you're just trying to (bleep). >> trevor: please welcome issa rae! ( cheers and applause ) ♪
>> trevor: whoo! welcome to the show, issa. >> thank you for having me on the show. >> trevor: i can safely say we've never had a clip that ends with not if you're trying to (bleep). >> trying to break records here. >> trevor: that gripped me immediately. >> because you're trying to (bleep)? >> trevor: no. ( laughter ) i don't know how to answer that question. i'm, like, uh, like in life in general, or this moment in particular -- uh, uh -- ( laughter ) welcome to it. i'm a fan. maybe two or three people don't know who you are or anything about the show. "insecure" inspired by your youtube series, if someone wanted to know what the show is about, why should i get into it, what would you say to them? >> i would say it's about friendship, relationships, it's about, you know, pushing 30 and not kind of -- or feeling like you're not doing it right, an
it's very, very black, is all i can say. >> trevor: i like that. yeah, i like that. pushing 30 and very, very black. >> yeah. >> trevor: sounds like that's a great blurb to have on something. >> that's my tag line. >> trevor: i felt like your character had it together, her boyfriend did not. at the end of season one, you broke up, i was happy for you. season two was an interesting way to begin. i would like you to describe it because i feel it would sound wrong if i said what is season two like? >> not to give spoilers but the character cheats on her boyfriend. season two follows her questioning the kind of person she's become. she set out to be a new person, miss give all (bleep)s, miss give no (bleep), wanted to be more active than passive and
involved cheating on her boyfriend. season two is her saying i'm fed up and who i want to be and this is the person i don't want to be moving forward. >> trevor: when you look at your story, you go, i've got to mention this? >> one of the thing in writing the shows, we never want to be message-heavy but we want to tackle life as it comes. >> trevor: right. >> as you live your life where racism is concerned, for black people, racism is, like, it happens, you know, and we don't just pause in the moment and reflect and say, wow, that was racist. ( laughter ) how am i going to go about my day. you're, like, that happened, let me do my laundry. then i have to deal with this dude, and that's how we approach these issues as authentically real as possible. they're not teachable moments, they're just moments in your day and i think we like to focus on the minutia of being black if anything. >> trevor: when you talk in
the clip about just wanting to smash, what is happening then in issa's life? because i'm intrigued by this. she's trying to just go into smash land which is different to relationship land, right? >> i like smash land a lot. i mean, in this season, we're kind of exploring the women deciding to explore -- i called it ho-er-y -- ( laughter ) -- and lots of women explore and get tired of relationships or dating and they say, at the end to have day, i want to smash. some women, i'd say there are three categories, there are women who will never partake, who will just say i want to date and i want to find the person for me and that's it. these lady parts don't go to just anyone. other people are just, like, oh, i want to go out there and have fun, i want to bring my numbers up and -- >> trevor: uh-huh. >> -- why not, i can.
and unfortunately some of those women in the eyes of the significant other or the opposite sex or the same sex, they find they can never get out to have the whole category, but there are some women who i say double dutch into ho-er-y and can bounce between and get wiped out. they did, i did the phase, i'm good, i'm done, had enough, got right number and i'm satisfied. >> trevor: will you give us a spoiler of which way your character is going to go? >> she explores ho-er-y for sure. >> trevor: i just wanted to hear you say it one more time. thank you so much for coming to the show. >> thank you. >> trevor: "insecure" returns july 23rd at 10:30 p.m. on hbo hbo. issa rae, everybody. we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ [ choir singing ] ♪ leinen-kugel's ♪
grecalculating., come to a complete stop. ♪ in one mile, arrive at a place where you make your own lane. only to discover... ...it has traffic jams too. your all new compass. well-qualified current lessees of competitive vehicles get a low mileage lease on the all new 2017 jeep compass latitude 4x2 for $199 a month. ♪ classic hershey's outside.
with a new creamy, crunchy inside. new hershey's cookie layer crunch. classic reimagined. heineken is served it's world famous. like me. excuse me. antonio banderas! enjoyed in 192 countries. there's more behind the star. you just got the same handbag as evewow.e else. but did you check ebay? i don't know, i don't know... get the thing that's so you from this season, last season or next season. fill your cart with color. ebay. >> mr. president, if you do the same thing, this time, don't be afraid to lead into it. don't be afraid to test your
manhood. oh! ( applause ) okay. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ captioning sponsored by comedy central >> ladies and gentlemen, the 45th and final president of the united states. (applause) wow, thank you, thank you. i'm so proud of what we have accomplished today. everyone loved when obama killed bin laden. and now everyone will remember where they were when i freed o.j. simpson. >> mr. president, mr. president, your party controls the whole government, why can't you pass a health-care bill. >> it would have passed if it weren't for 39 to 5 million illegal senators who shouldn