tv The Daily Show Comedy Central September 19, 2017 1:40am-2:10am PDT
- he's very lucky you got him here when you did. he was in a very advanced state of vaginitis. - vaginitis? - it occurs when a person stops eating meat. those sores on his skin were actually small vaginas. if we hadn't stopped it in time, stan would have eventually just become one great big, giant pussy. - whoa, dude. - we've got an i.v. of pure beef blood pumping into stan's veins, and the sores are fading. - thank god we stopped it in time. - well, i guess we learned something today. it's wrong to eat veal because the animals are so horribly mistreated, but if you don't eat meat at all you break out in vaginas. - hear, hear. - all right, boys, it's time to go home. you've got some serious grounding time to start. - i'll say! - aw, we're still grounded? - but but we learned things and took up a cause. - yes, kyle, but you still defied your parents. and you need to learn that terrorism is never the answer. - that's right, let's get these terrorists to their rooms. but first--maybe we can grab some burgers. all: all right! captioning by captionmax www.captionmax.com
>> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show"! thank you so much for tuning in. i'm trevor noah! thank you so much, everybody. you guys are amazing! ( cheers and applause ) our guest tonight gucci mane is going to be joining us, everybody, chatting about his new book.
( cheers and applause ) but first, congratulations to all the winners at last night's emmy awards especially the underdogs. >> diversity reigns as women and people of color taking home some of the biggest prizes on television's biggest night. >> atlanta's donald glover became the first african-american to win a -- an emmy for comedy directing. >> sterling brown became the first black actor to win an emmy in a drama series. >> lena wade the first black woman to receive the award. >> trevor: fantastic, but how are we still having first black anythings in 2017. do you know how many emmy ceremonies there have been? 69? nice. ( laughter ) now i'm not complaining because last night's emmys were really amazing and so full of black people i was waiting for the show to get pulled over by the police. it was a beautiful experience, congratulations to everyone. i will say this, though, judging
from america's history, we have to be careful for next year because anytime a black person wins something for the first time the next time around there is always an overcorrection. so just be ready for 2018 when steve bannon wins best actor in a drama. get red reddy for that. ( laughter ) people are still recovering from hurricane irma. while it's been inspiring to see so many people coming forward to help, maybe not everyone should have. >> outrage after a sign language in florida botches the job of translating evacuation orders before hurricane irma came forward. marshall green, the man in the yellow shirt, brought in to interpret in manatee county didn't get the message across. green's gestures made no sense and conveyed words like pizza, monster and bear. >> one official said having someone sign was better than having no signer at all.
( laughter ) >> trevor: having someone sign is better than having no signer at all? i don't know if that's true. but maybe you should ask a deaf person if that's true. you wouldn't say that if there was a hurricane and the person trying to warn you didn't really speak english. you wouldn't think that if someone was there, like, pizza! bear scm monster! you would be, like, i'm glad we had this little chat. ( laughter ) if there's a stop sign and it says taint boogers, it's not better than nothing. ( laughter ) can you imagine what deaf people were thinking when they watched that? they were, like, dude, there's a hurricane coming. the other one is, like, there's pizza and bear monster coming. what's going on with that? the bear monster drowned in the hurricane. #rest in pizza, my friend. ( laughter ) it's united nations week which means new york is going to be full of people from hundreds of
different nation who can't get convicted of crimes, lucky bastards. now, as you probably know, every year, the leaders from around the world meet in new york at the u.n. to discuss major global issues, basically comic-con for diplomats. this year will be extra special because it's president trump's first. in case world leaders weren't completely familiar with him, this weekend president trump on twitter decided to reintroduce himself. ( laughter ) >> an early morning twitter spree by president trump is sparking controversy tonight. >> president trump is being slammed for his use of twitter this weekend. >> president trump appears to have found a new nickname for the north korean leader. he said i spoke with president moon of south korea last night asked him how rocket man is doing, long gas lines forming in north korea, too bad. >> trevor: if america's ever in a war of bitchiness, president trump's got it covered -- ooh, too bad, rocket
man! ( laughter ) we've tried, now we try sass, unlock the sass codes! wouldn't that be fun? instead of nuclear weapons, sass. unlock them. yeah! no key. ( laughter ) strange. i will say this, we know trump is definitely taking kim jong un seriously now because he's officially given him a nickname. he only does that with all his greatest enemies. low-energy jeb. little marco. lying ted. we'll know when bob mueller is about to indicted trump for collusion because he'll start calling him fake sam waterston! ( laughter ) it wasn't just kim jong un. this weekend, trump showed he's still trying to get back at hillary for losing to him. >> the president of the united states retweet ago video on twitter that shows him hitting a golf ball and the golf ball striking hillary clinton and knocking her down. you see it there.
the president of the united states retweeted that this morning. why? >> trevor: why? that's the official question of the trump administration. this administration brought to you by "why." ( laughter ) with additional support from "huh?" ( laughter ) and by the way, news anchors, if you're going to describe memes, you can't keep using your news voice. it sounds weird. kermit is sipping tea and seems unconcerned with the events surrounding him. why? the boyfriend is admiring a pass woman while his girl friend disapproves. why? look, we can all agree this tweet was obviously in poor taste. i mean, we knew it's on trump's twitter. but maybe it's not the worst thing in the world. hear me out. do you notice that trump sent out these tweets as he started making deals with the
democrats -- protecting dreamers, raising the debt ceiling, postponing the wall. right now trump's base is furious with him. so to make them happy, he throws them a meme gift or two. right? i don't know about you but i feel like this is a trade i can live. with trump gives his followers offensive tweets, and he gives the rest of america policies that move the country forward. i'm just saying, if it helps, we'll even make the gifts for you, mr. president. ( laughter ) yeah, if you stop sabotaging obamacare, we'll give you this gift of you dunking on obama. look at that. oh! donald trump! oh! you can have it! you can have it! or, or, if you crack down on wall street, you can have this gift of you hitting a golf ball into bernie's nuts. oh! oh! and bernie is, like, jokes on you, my balls are at my knees!
( laughter ) so what do you say, mr. president? let's maga, meme america great again. we'll be right back ( cheers and applause ) to create starbucks doubleshot espresso... we put our energy into giving it the bold, rich taste of real starbucks espresso with a hint of cream. so you can put your energy, where it really counts. starbucks doubleshot espresso. real life energy.
what should i watch? show me sports. it's so fluffy! look at that fluffy unicorn! he's so fluffy i'm gonna die! your voice is awesome. the x1 voice remote. xfinity. the future of awesome. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." donald trump has been president forking amonths now, and most of his campaign promises remain undone from repealing
obamacare to building the beautiful wall to his unrealized plan to declare coal the national fruit. ( laughter ) but the administration has a chance to turn things around with its next big push, tax reform, an effort to be led by treasury secretary and mildly satisfied lens crafters customer steve mnuchin. ( laughter ) let's get to know the man shaping trump's tax plan and profiles in tremendousness. >> i have the most dedicated people. i have the best people. ( applause ) >> trevor: meet steve mnuchin, a man who got into politics the same way trump did by knowing nothing about politics. >> mnuchin is a form goldman sachs partner, movie producer and democratic donor. >> steve mnuchin got an invitation to trump tower to celebrate donald trump's new york primary win. he says, yeah, i'll stop off. he waited, saw donald trump, and donald trump beckoned him, and he joined him for the ride up an
escalator and soon steve mnuchin was on stage with donald trump at the rally and the next day he asked him to be on his cabinet. >> trevor: it's like hey, man! great seeing you! moving tomorrow? can i help you? i have an extra room. want to live with me? i'm lonely. u.n. run my economy, man. i love you, man. ( laughter ) mnuchin may not have an impressive resume but you should see his i.m.d.b. page. >> avatar and how to be single dr. . >> financed dozens more including lego batman. >> you did batman, superman? >> i did. >> whenever have you had a treasury secretary of the united states of america who made a batman movie? >> trevor: wow!
how many times do you think mnuchin has to explain to trump he doesn't know batman. "i get it, you're protecting his secret identity! i respect that! are you batman?" no, mr. president, i'm naturallen. "am i batman?" sure, sir, if you want to be. matter. these days mnuchin is less interested in producing movies and more interested in producing tax cuts for the wealthy like himself. who will pay for the cuts? mnuchin has you. >> under our growth model also at the treasury, this will pay for itself. again, we may not get full credit for that. there may be short-term impacts on the deficit, but we want to be very careful in paying for this with growth, but we also need to boost the economy. we need tax cuts and tax reform now. >> trevor: it's a lilt -- it's a little bit weird how he moves his mouth, how little he moves
his mouth when he talks, like his teeth don't separate. ( laughter ) it's almost like he's the ventriloquist and the dummy at the same time. ( applause ) like, what is going on here? that's how i speak to people. now you might be thinking, trevor, i recognize the name mnuchin but not from tax news. maybe it's because last month he tried to get you to pay for his honeymoon. >> newly married this past summer, multi-millionaire treasury secretary steven mnuchin formally requested his and new life louise be allowed to travel in style on a government jet to their honeymoon to europe, at an estimated cost of $25,000 an hour, the cost to taxpayers would have been several hundred thousand. mike pence married them? weird. do you stephen promise never to speak to another woman without your wife present?
then by the power vested in me i now pronounce you husband and mother. ( applause ) you know what makes the story even better is that just a few weeks ago mnuchin's wife slammed someone on instagram for having the nerve to even imply the couple would make taxpayers cover their travel. >> she posted this photo adding hash tags for items in her expensive designer outfit. this had its own backlash. do you think the u.s. government paid for our honeymoon, personal travel? lol. have you given more to the economy than me and my husband? >> trevor: that wasn't working for me. he was having trouble trance translating louise clinton. there's a mean girl translator
on staff. >> have you given more than me and my huh? huh-uh! >> trevor: i'm glad we hired the mean girl, yeah. ( applause ) i'm likely glad we hired her even if she always makes me cry about my fy'gap. this real housewife meets marie antoinette might be new for you but been on africa's radar for a while. >> last year the memoir she wrote about her time in zambia in the 1990s when she was just 18 also got her in hot water. in the book entitled "in congress osha do" linton painted herself as a "white salve you" when she wrote about being a central character in the horror story of the congres congolese . "i try to remember a smiling gap tooth child whose greatest joy
was to sit on my lap and drink from a bottle of coca-cola." >> trevor: you may not believe this but that kid on her lap was me! ( laughter ) wow. and by the way, i didn't have h.i.v. i just real lewanted that coke. seriously, though, these two are both so out of touch it's almost beautiful. i'm so glad they found each other. i just wish mnuchin hadn't also found this guy, because if you think that these two are going to take care of everyday americans, i've got one word for you, lol. ( laughter ) actually, that didn't sound lightright. mean girl! >> oh mix god, lol! >> trevor: you're the best mean girl, we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause )
we just got to take it one game at a time. next question. odell. odell. can you repeat everything you just said? my livestream won't load. (blows whistle). technical foul. wrong sport. wrong network. see you need unlimited on verizon it's america's largest most reliable 4g lte network. it won't let you down in places like this. even in the strike zone. (laughs). it's the red zone. pretty sure it is the strike zone. here use mine. alright. see you on the court champ. heads up! when it really, really matters you need the best network and the best unlimited. plans now start at $40 per line for four lines. it's what busch is known for. what are you known for? i'm cool under pressure. what is that? a fish hook? (chuckling) golly! [sfx: buschhhhh]
man,puppymonkeybaby...l tonight. puppymonkeybaby... puppymonkeybaby... puppymonkeybaby... puppy... monkey... baby... ♪ puppymonkeybaby... ♪ puppymonkeybaby... puppymonkeybaby... puppymonkeybaby... ♪ puppymonkeybaby... puppymonkeybaby... mountain dew kickstart. dew. juice. caffeine. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is a platinum
selling hip-hop artist and pioneer of trap music, his new album mr. "mr. davis" comes out in november and "the autobiography of gucci mane" will be out tomorrow. please welcome gucci mane! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ welcome to the show. >> thank you for having me. >> trevor: first things first. congratulations. i get the bag on the top ten. congratulations. that's exciting for you. >> thank you. >> trevor: coming out with a new album. you've got the book as well. let's take a step back and introduce some people to gucci mane. i said to some people in the building, gucci mane is coming! they said, i'm sorry, what? who? i said, gucci mane, showed them a picture and they're like the guy from "spring breakers" yeah! is it weird some people only you know as the spring breakers guy?
>> it means i have a lot more to do but a lot of people just know me from spring breakers. it's a big film. >> trevor: it's a huge film. one of the stories you talk about in the book is you fell asleep during a sex scene in that movie. >> yeah, that is true. that is true. >> trevor: like, i knead to understand how this comes to be. like, what's happening in the scene that you were, like, i'm tone with this? >> i was high as hell, man. ( applause ) >> trevor: that is an honest answer. appreciate that. straight to it. gucci mane as a human being. you had a tough life growing up and you tell the story in the book. why tid you want to write a book about it? you already rap and tell your stories, why a book? >> i just feel like, you know, at the end of the day, you know, i feel like a lot of artistest, when they die, their books come out. i want to tell the story while
i'm here, i want to reap the benefits from it and at the same time i feel like if i can inspire somebody, i feel like i'm fascinating and i've got an amazing story and i really want to share it. >> trevor: you really do. you were in the seventh grade selling weed because you wanted to buy yourself cool clothes, like most kids don't even have focus for a math class and you were putting together a hustle game. if you look at your life and you look at everything you went through growing up, is it a path that you would want for another kid or are there things you wish you would have had an opportunity to do differently even though you got here? >> i don't regret anything that i did. you know, it made me who i am. >> trevor: right. >> but at the same time i wouldn't want my son to have to go through none of the things i went there. >> trevor: right. what would have gucci mane have done if he didn't get into rap? what is the career path, if you could have chosen anything else? >> honestly, i think would have either been maybe like a -- a kingpin --
( laughter ) some kind of way i would have been a leader. i'm just good with crewing people up. >> trevor: right. >> i don't know. >> trevor: you know you could have chosen president, right? >> i don't think i would have made it. >> trevor: you really don't think so? >> my record. my record is terrible. >> trevor: hey, man, donald trump's record is terrible. ( laughter ) >> not the same way. >> trevor: i understand that trap music for many people is the only way out. people go this is the life i live, i rap about it and that's how i get to where i need to go. if you could be a positive influence that prevents people from living that life, what would you try and do and what do you hope people would do in your community to effect that change? >> i feel like it starts with just being authentic and real. you know, even with this book, i never had got to the point where
i would tell somebody the right thing. i sold drugs, i did this, but you've also got to let people know the bad side. it's not all about the jewelry and the game, it's about more than glorifying the accolades. >> trevor: you don't glorify the life but you're also appreciative where it got you to. the one thing you don't teach people in the book is how to come up with a dope rap name. ( laughter ) like, i have been trying for a while. trevor noah doesn't really have the thing to it. they go, yo, it's trap! and i come on and they're like, trevor noah. people are like, no... ( laughter ) is there a formula for a trap name? >> trevor mane. >> trevor: gucci mane and trevor mane -- ( rapping ) >> that's it! >> trevor: "the autobiography of gucci mane" will be available
>> trevor: that's it for now. before we go, let's check in with our friend jordan klepper at the studio for his new show "the opposition" we premieres next monday the 25th right after "the daily show." >> how does it feel to be a hapless pup of the mine stream media. >> trevor: nice to see you, too. doesn't it also make you a puppet. >> no, you're the puppet. trevor, i've infiltrated the main stream media to destroy it from within like a justice crusading termite or free thinking bed bug. >> trevor: seems like if it would backfear if you destroys the network that airs your show. >> i'll cross that bridge and burn it when i get to it. no one can oppose the opposition. >> trevor: jordan klepper,