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tv   The Daily Show  Comedy Central  October 2, 2017 7:00am-7:30am PDT

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y for data by the gig, and share it across all of your lines. no one else lets you do that. see how much you can save when you pay by the gig. xfinity mobile. it's a new kind of network designed to save you money. call, visit, or go to >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show"! i'm trevor noah! thank you so much, everybody! thank you so much. our guest tonight from the new comedy "ghosted," craig robinson is here, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) funny guy. we're going to have a good time. first, i know americans may feel like their congress is divided and dysfunctional, but you ain't seen yo uganda.
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>> a brawl in uganda's parliament breaks out over the debate about the president's eligibility to run for office again. i don't know what the weapons are but they're using whatever they can get their hands on. the constitution has an age limit of 75 for president. the 73-year-old president has ruled uganda by taking presidency by force in 1986. so the argument to change the law to allow him run again after age 75. >> trevor: the fast rule about ugandan parliament is you talk about ugandan parliament. what does that reporter mean, i don't know what those weapons are -- a mic stand! we have mic stands in africa. the reporter says, their fighting with a giraffe stick, i don't know what that is. it's a mic stand, okay?
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( laughter ) there is so much fun in insanity happening in every frame of the video. we have to look closer. one guy jumps on to the table and does a spin! who does a spin in the middle of a fight? that is insane! looks like a ugandan michael jackson! like what was that? and watch this part, someone throws a chair and the security guy catches it in midair! like a boss! new york giants, are you watching this? you better sign this man! but my favorite part of all, one representative, he's just standing there the whole time waving the ugandan flag like a matador. ( laughter ) you can see he's like, when this is a painting, they will definitely include me, huh? ( laughter ) you know what my suggestion is? this is how america should run its congress, right? if some senator wants to
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filibuster a bill, you can't just say, i vote to block, you have to physically block them from getting it to the floor! put muscle into it! come on, mitch! see what you're made of! ( cheers and applause ) that's what i want to see. let's move on to our main story. in the past few weeks, we've seen a multitude of hurricanes hitting the caribbean and the u.s., an though the storms have moved on, millions are still dealing with the effects. >> we turn next here to the catastrophic damage in puerto rico, home to 3.5 american citizens, hurricane maria, the worst storm to batter the island in nearly a century. >> all over the u.s. territory, these american citizens are struggling to survive. no running water, gas is scarce and could be without power for months. >> due to hurricane maria, much of puerto rico has no running water, limited gas and no power. though having no power may be okay for democrats, it's not okay for an island full of
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people. since puerto rico is part of the united states and its citizens are american citizens, the men they are looking to for answers is unfortunately president trump, and the good news is he knows where puerto rico is. ( laughter ) >> we've got a-pluses on texas and florida and we will also on puerto rico, but the difference is this is an island sitting in the middle of an ocean andeth a big ocean, it's a very big ocean. ( laughter ) >> trevor: it is a big ocean. huh? huh? ( laughter ) you know what is this i know it seems like president trump doesn't know what he's speaking about but that's just because he doesn't know how to speak. you see, the essence of what he's trying to say is true, and that is, compared to states on the mainland, it's hard to get help to puerto rico. that's what he meant to say. instead of stressing ourselves, we should just accept trump can't speak english and get him a translator like for foreign
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leaders. >> (translator (: while states like texas and florida, there are problems in delivering services to an island approximately 1,000 miles from the mainland. >> trevor: presidential. now, look, the truth is president trump's response to this disaster hasn't been perfect. he tweeted some (bleep) about puerto rico. he wasn't quick to get rid off the jones act, but he hasn't been the only reason puerto rico is struggling right now. as it turns out, there are at least some emergency supplies that are reaching puerto rico. the problem is once they reach the island, there is another issue. >> supplies arrived but they're not getting delivered to the 3.4 american citizens on the island. >> more than 3,000 shipping containers are sitting at the port of san juan.
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>> there is water. >> there is a short of truck drivers to help deliver the essentials. if you want to drive a truck in puerto rico, here's the number the government's office just gave me. >> trevor: wait a second, puerto rico just needs truck drivers? maybe trump can help after all, huh? come on! he spent his whole presidency learning to drive trucks. finally it paid off! and you thought he wasn't being presidential! that was practice! ( laughter ) i know this isn't a popular phrase on this show, but in donald trump's defense -- ( booing ) -- boo, boo, tweet, tweet, trevor, trevor, boo. thank you. in his defense, the federal government is responding to the crisis. >> america's military is boosting its efforts to help puerto rico. fema is asking for military vehicles to clear roads and bring in supplies.
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>> 10,000 responders, 4.5 million meals, 4.6 million liters of water and they're working to open necessary airfield and access. >> in addition to fema and department of homeland security is army corps of engineers is in puerto rico working to restore the electrical grid. >> the floating navy the comfort should be arriving next week. >> trevor: you have to be impressed how much the military can do, especially having a hospital on a shirntion amazing, unless you suffer from seasickness. they can't help you then. they're the problem and the solution at the same time. take this, now you're sick. take this. this is not going anywhere. could there be more help? sure. one thing that's not helping, nearly half a million americans don't realize puerto rico is part of the u.s. and that matters because americans who know puerto ricans are u.s.
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citizens are twice as likely to support the federal government sending them aid, a raw deal for puerto ricans. what if half your family didn't know you were part of their family. that would suck. i think it's called tiffany syndrome and it really isn't fair. just half of them don't know. ( laughter ) and as if that wasn't enough, there's another thing that is working against puerto rico. >> the mayor of san juan puerto rico is now begging for help but many there say they're getting overlooked. donor fatigue is a real thing. so many people jumped in to help out after harvey and irma that people feel like they don't feel their donations are making a difference. >> trevor: people are not giving aid to puerto rico the way they did from texas and florida because they're suffering from donor fatigue. we can all understand the feeling. it's happened to you, to me. on a day you walk by a homeless person on the street and you go,
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you know what? i'm feeling generous. i'm giving them everything. i have 50 bucks in my wallet, yeah! you turn the corner, another homeless guy, you're, like, hey! okay, man, you should have seen me earlier, if we go back maybe we can -- maybe we can split it. i'm sorry are, man. and you have to move on. it feels like there's a new hurricane every week. the truth is everyone still needs to help, right? and it's no excuse we get fatigued for letting puerto rico fall through the cracks. think of it as paying puerto rico back for all they've given us. "despacito." lin manuel miranda. jennifer lopez. ( cheers and applause ) do you realize if everyone who listened to "despacito" just gave $1 to puerto rico, that's billions -- billions! that's what we should do. if you've ever listened to
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"despacito," give a dollar. ( applause ) if you're a fan of "hamilton," yeah, yeah. ( applause ) if you're a fan of "hamilton," give a dollar. if you've ever fantasized about j. lo, give a dollar. ( laughter ) i'll be the first to admit, fine. okay, j. lo. fine. i will give my dollar. there. there you go. i have fantasized. all right, maybe more than one time. but the point is, okay, fine, you know what? i'll write a check because i can't afford to just keep giving out dollars here. mr. -- trevor -- lopez -- ( laughter ) there you go. don't judge me! we've all faint advertised about jail o. she's amazing, okay? triple threat. ( applause ) but the truth is for those of you at home, if you can donate, no matter how small it is, please try. go to one of these worthy charities. your fellow americans could use the help. we'll be right back.
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( cheers and applause )
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( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." after a tough week for republicans in washington, there seems to be an oasis on the horizon. >> the white house and republicans pivot after another failed health care push. >> republicans are trying to come together on tax reform after bruising and divisive battles on health care. >> trevor: yes! finally, taxes! a much better subject for republicans than health care. republicans are like the jock at school who's bad at every subject but kills it at p.e. all day he's struggling in math and history and gets in the gym and he's dunking on everyone. you're in my world now, michael, two more points for me! so i'm up to -- oh, no! gym class became math class!
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( laughter ) so forget obamacare, it's done. trump is moving on to taxes. in indiana yesterday, he explained his plan, and it sounds real good for the common man. >> democrats and republicans in congress should come together, finally, to deliver this giant win for the american people and begin middle class miracle. it's called a middle class miracle, once again. it's also called a miracle for our great companies, a miracle for the middle class, for the working person. >> trevor: this tax plan brought to you by the word "miracle." it's a miracle. ( laughter ) if jesus spoke like trump, i don't think he would have been half as popular. i turned water into wine, a miracle! this miracle thing i do with the bread, a miracle! curing lepers, a miracle!
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people are just, like, i'll stay dead, man, don't touch me. i'm fine. ( laughter ) by the way, this is how generous donald trump is, this middle class miracle stays in the middle class. >> our framework includes our explicit commitment that tax reform will protect low-income and middle income households, not the wealthy and well connected. they can call me all they want, it's not going to help, i'm doing the right thing. and it's not good for me, believe me. ( laughter ) >> trevor: yeah, yeah, it's not good for me. believe me. of course, i believe you, trump. why wouldn't i? ( laughter ) it's not like you've ever lied. ( laughter ) don't be so insecure, man. ( laughter ) but just in case, just in case, let's look at some of the details of this tax reform plan, and let's see all the miracles
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that won't help trump. >> trump would stand to benefit from his tax plan in three major ways, first from his new brackets which are narrowed to three and give the top bracket a roughly 4.6% tax cut. second, he would save from the elimination of the alternative minimum tax and, third, by eliminating the estate tax which mainly benefits the wealthiest, wealthiest americans -- >> trevor: what? this whole plan is a cash cow for trump? i'm starting to wonder if the only reason he ran for president was to lower his own taxes. i hope so because it means he might resign the second he signs this thing into law. and, done. okay, that's it for me, america, you have been great. good luck with north korea. i'm out, bye-bye, everybody, bye-bye. ( cheers and applause ) but still, i'm really disappointed in donald trump because he said "believe me,"
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and he was lying. can you believe it? he said "believe me." so it turns out trump would gain a lot from his own tax plan. but first, it will have to get through congress, which, at this stage, would be a miracle. ( laughter ) believe me. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause )
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whentertaining us,es getting us back on track,hing? and finding us dates. phones really have changed. so why hasn't the way we pay for them? introducing xfinity mobile. you only pay for data and can easily switch between pay per gig and unlimited. no one else lets you do that. see how much you can save. choose by the gig or unlimited. xfinity mobile. a new kind of network designed to save you money. call, visit or go to >> all right. >> trevor: welcome to the show. >> thank you very much. thank you. ( cheers and applause ) honor to be here. >> trevor: good times. >> absolutely. >> trevor: i have been your fan for a very, very long time. >> come on. >> trevor: what do you mean come on? >> you come on. >> trevor: all right. welcome to it and congratulations on another show that looks like it's going to be a hit.
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"ghosted," is this like basically a male ghostbusters, is that what this is? >> adam scott and myself, man, we get recruited to come work at this secret underground organization called the bureau underground, and hilarity ensues, we hope. >> trevor: you know what was interesting to me, i never know if these things are true, i heard you guys improved a lot of scenes in the show. is that true? >> we follow script, but there is a lot of improv. we have carte blanche and it's really -- you know, it's all about what's in the moment. >> right. >> it's because something that sparks something and adam is the best person to improvise with. he's always ready to catch the ball or throw it. he's very playful and smart and we challenge each other so it's cool. >> trevor: let me ask you this question, why does it seem mismatched comedies always like a black guy and white guy?
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why is it never like a black guy and white guy from south africa specifically, that would be a good combination of things if you ever made another show. how come that never happens? >> because those guys work every night on something else, so they're working too hard. ( applause ) >> you've got to get in a schedule where you fit in. ( laughter ) >> trevor: the show also premiered, or the pilot was on twitter. >> yes. >> trevor: which is a strange, strange thing. i don't think fox has ever done that. i've never seen that before. did you have to bring the family together and say, all right, everybody. get on here -- ( laughter ) that must have been a strange experience for you as well. >> before it came on twitter, i was showing them an early cut, but that is how i showed them in the car, like -- on the phone. ( laughter ) but i hadn't seen that either. you know, i didn't know what to expect, but it turned out very
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well. twitter responded nicely. >> trevor: which is rare for twitter. no, that's when you know your bleep is going down well. people on twitter, we like this. we don't say this often but we like this. >> they were on tour. we'll see what happens october 1 when it really comes out. >> trevor: you are working on a lot of projects now, not just "ghosted." >> i'm producing a movie that comes out october 20 called tragedy girls. >> trevor: right. >> it's a horror movie. >> trevor: you smile like you're the bad guy in the movie. >> because it's good. it's a good buzz and 94% on rotten tomatoes right now. >> trevor: right. >> it's a sexy movie, yeah. ( laughter ) >> trevor: i like how you went from horror film, scary, it's a sexy movie. >> it's sexy in its goodness, you know what i mean?
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( laughter ) oh, boy... >> trevor: i have to ask you a question, a friend of mine said please ask craig this for me, and i have to. are you ever, when you are making your mov movies and shows high? ( laughter ) ( applause ) "ghosted" premieres october 1, 83:00 p.m., craig robinson, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) cheers )
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>> trevor: that's our show for tonight, but we cowant to check in with jordan klepper app the opposition. how's it going over there, jordan? >> how do you think it's going? we lost hugh hefner today, an american icon. >> you were a fan. >> people don't give playboy a lot of credit. there's a lot of substance to that magazine. >> are you one of the guys that read it for the articles? >> gross, no. i read it for the naked ladies. okay, once or twice my eyes may have grazed across an insightful interview or captain fating short fiction by one of our greatest living authors but i always flip past. >> trevor: you're embarrassed about reading? >> i don't like looking at somebody else's ideas.
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i'm not a pervert. >> trevor: now here it is... your moment of zen. >> if senator donnelly doesn't approve it because he's on the other side, we will come here and campaign against him like you wouldn't believe. you wouldn't believe. ( cheers and applause welcome back to the opposition. things are starting to come together. saudi arabia has announced it will now allow women to legally drive cars. your move, mississippi. plus, a musical about the life of cher is coming to broadway. now, call me when they're doing a musical about a real patriot, like alexander hamilton. and, finally, despite all our advances in science, humanity has never seen the dark side of the sun. why? if you can't see the connection, you're not looking hard enough. the opposition starts now. (indistinct chanting) -♪ -(cheering and applause)


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