tv The Daily Show Comedy Central October 6, 2017 1:35am-2:05am PDT
- dude, i've never seen cartman care so much about something. - yeah, i guess he finally found something that's as annoying as he is. - bonjour. - bonjour. - cafe? - oui. - come on, kids! let's go find the pyramids! whoo! aah! [crash] [all laughing] - [speaking french] - [speaking french] - [speaking french]
>> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show"! thank you so much for tuning in! my guests tonight, the creator of abc's "blackish," kenya barris is joining us, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) and you know what? i'm going to ask him why there's no "whitish," yeah, that's right because allish lives matter. i'm on it, people. ( laughter ) more sports news out of the naval.
>> cam newton facing criticism for what some are calling sexist comments he made to a female reporter. >> i know you take a lot of pride in seeing your receivers play well. you seem to embrace the physical of his routes and getting the extra yards. does that give you enjoyment to see him tracking people out there? >> it's funny to hear a female talk about routes -- it's funny. >> trevor: it's funny, right? because women, they don't know the -- the things about the -- ( laughter ) look, harvey weinstein! ( laughter ) you could see in cam's face, he was, like, man, i guess i'm going to be kneeling on sunday. i've got to take a knee, right? not just during the anthem. i'm going to kneel during the
whole game, two niece. ( laughter ) at this point with so many scandals, the n.f.l. is probably like can we get back to concussions? these players are getting hurt! if i was cam, i would use that. if i was any n.f.l. player, i would know i have one c.t.e. card i can play. ladies are funny if they -- no, c.t., one time. c.t.e., a big problem. raff laugh on the bright side, if this is the worst thing an n.f.l. player did to a woman this week we're making progress. weird but true. let's move on. there's big news for all the areas hit hard by the hurricanes. just two days after visiting puerto rico to see the damage firsthand, president trump has asked congress for $29 billion in disaster relief which is great news for everyone especially puerto rico. honestly, it's another example of how unpredictable donald trump can be because you wouldn't think he would go ask for money to help puerto rico, this is the same guy that
basically tweeted puerto rico deserved to be hit by a hurricane and complained the victims were an inconvenience to his budget and don't forget he was caught looting. ( laughter ) don't forget that. he didn't help puerto rico at all with that. but i have to give my man credit for doing the right thing. do you know what i think this is with trump? i think trump had so much fun visiting puerto rico he wants to do it again. that's what it is. he's going back to pre-k to and tell them, good news, guys, i got you $29 billion! puerto rico's dwoict be, like, yay! 29 billion in paper towels! whoo! yeah! whoo! ( applause ) paper towels, paper towels, all about them paper towels! ( laughter ) like, i don't know about you guys but i can't still fully process everything that happened in this moment. i watch it and i try to understand how i truly feel
about it because it's despicable and entertaining at the same time. no, but think about this, a president went to day sister zone to comfort hurricane victims, give them a shoulder to cry on and then somehow it turned into an opportunity for him to practice his jump shot. he's realty focused. look at his eyes. his staff is, like, sir, what about the puerto ricans? "you gotta learn how to zone them out, my friend and focus on what matters." melania is on the side cheering him on -- be aggressive, b-e aggressive! ( laughter ) but let's move on. i'll stop talking about sad things because this has been a particularly rough week. i thought we would end uh it off with something lighter so let's talk about abortion. no, sorry, i said that wrong.
this is not about abortion. this is a story that involves abortion. actually, just trust me on this whether pro-life or pro-choice, everyone is going to be pro this story because it's hilarious. i would like for you to meet tim murphy. he's a republican congressman from pennsylvania, and number 4 on the barber's chart of haircuts, right? tim murphy spent his whole career fighting abortion, part of the pro-life caucus and just this week co-sponsored a bill to ban all abortion after 20 weeks which is why this story is so insane. >> a vocal pro-life congressman from pennsylvania is now right in the middle of a scandal. his former mistress claims republican tim murphy urged her to get an abortion. >> trevor: oh, (bleep)! and the same week! the same week he puts up an abortion ban this dude's timing could not be worse. he's like, let's ban all abortions!
yay! she's, like, i'm pregnant. we've got to get you to canada because these crazy guys just banned abortion, right now! ( laughter ) her pregnancy was just a scare, which makes it funnier. the guy didn't even wait a day to confirm it before he abandoned his entire belief system? tim murphy would make the world's worst spy. he would be undercover. some dude would be, like, are you tim murphy? you got me! i have been leaking secrets to other governments! you caught me, where's the pill? i'm just delivering your pizza, man. yeah, oh, oh! thank you! thank you! ( cheers and applause ) whether you are pro-choice or pro-life, i think we can all come together to laugh at this man. ( laughter ) because when you see how hard core he claimed to be against
abortion, his entire career -- >> but it always has distressed me when sometimes these arguments come out about pro-life or pro-choice or abortion, that somehow because a person is only a man, he doesn't get to have input on that. there is no more humbling but prouder thing to do than to save a child's life. it is not just some amorphous cells there floating about, but these are real beings. real beings. >> trevor: and he's a real asshole. real-asshole. ( cheers and applause ) if you're wondering how on earth could someone say those things about abortion in public and then, in private, urge his side chick to have an abortion? well, buckle up because his excuse is going to take you for a ride. >> according to the pittsburgh post-gazette, in january,
murphy's alleged mistress shannon edwards texted him saying you have zero issue posting your pro-life stance all over the place when you had no issue asking me to abort our unborn child just last week. murphy reportedly responded, i get what you say about my march for life messages, i've never written them. staff does them. ( audience reacts ) >> trevor: wow! wow! this guy's my favorite! it was his staff the whole time? like, for years he just read whatever they put in front of him? really? abortion is murder. that seems harsh, guys, okay, but i'm reading it. whatever, whatever. what a unique excuse for a leader to use. i don't believe it, my staff just wrote it. what if the leader of i.s.i.s. tried the same thing. we will chop off the heads of all the infidels! wow, all you guys are rough! this is crazy. whatever, i'm just reading the prompter, i'm doing my thing.
whatever. ( laughter ) today congressman murphy made a big announcement. >> breaking news in politics, embattled congressman tim murphy of pennsylvania we're told will resign his seat effective october 21. ( audience reacts ) >> trevor: such a pity tim murphy terminated his career before it came to term. such a pity. ( cheers and applause ) so, this is not a joke, people. this is real sad. real sad. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) thanks to pizza hut's $7.99 large pizza deal, it's never been easier to bring everyone to the table. get an oven-hot, large pizza with two of your favorite toppings for just $7.99. it's the best pizza delivery deal out there. because no one outpizzas the hut.
offers best in class hd horsepower and the most capable off-road midsize pickup? i'd go ram. i would put it on ford. let's find out. noooooooo. chevy. that's right, it's chevy. they look amazing. wow. chevy's killin it. yeah, definitely. trade up to this light duty silverado all star and get a total value of over eleven thousand two hundred dollars. or during truck month, get 0% financing for 72 months on our most popular chevy trucks. find new roads at your local chevy dealer. kfcs nashville hot is the best. no, honey mustard georgia gold is the best. nashville hot, ooh. georgia gold, ooh. nashville hot. which one is it? nashville hot, ooh. georgia gold, ooh. nashville hot. don't ask me i'm just a painting. try both delicious flavors at kfc. directv has been rated #1 in customer satisfaction over cable for 17 years running. but some people still like cable. just like some people like banging their head on a low ceiling. drinking spoiled milk. camping in poison ivy. getting a papercut. and having their arm trapped in a vending machine.
but for everyone else, there's directv. for #1 rated customer satisfaction over cable switch to directv. call 1-800-directv. whentertaining us,es getting us back on track,hing? and finding us dates. phones really have changed. so why hasn't the way we pay for them? introducing xfinity mobile. you only pay for data and can easily switch between pay per gig and unlimited.
no one else lets you do that. see how much you can save. choose by the gig or unlimited. xfinity mobile. a new kind of network designed to save you money. call, visit or go to xfinitymobile.com. >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." every successful presidential campaign is defined by a key piece of rhetoric, a phrase that leaps into the minds of americans whenever you see your face. yes, we can. it's the economy, stupid. it's morning in america and, of course, grab him by the pussy. ( laughter ) actually, america is about to hit a major political milestone
because tomorrow marks the one-year anniversary of that historic moment which grabbed the nation's attention and so much more. >> breaking news. this coming in just in the last few seconds, nbc news has just become aware of a video capturing donald trump making vulgar comments about women back in 2005. >> i'm automatically attracted to beautiful women. i just start kissing them. it's like a magnet. and when you're a star, they let you do it, you can do anything. >> whatever you want. >> grab 'em by the pussy. >> trevor: turns out, he's right, he really could do anything. to commemorate this anniversary we look back on the access hollywood tape, the pussy grabbing, of course, but also moments you may have forgotten in the segment we call throwback thursday pussygate edition. ( applause ) >> oh -- my -- god.
♪ >> and when you're a star, they let you do it. you can do anything. >> whatever you want. >> grab 'em by the pols. >> ooh, trump is nasty! >> i remember texting my muslim family being, like, we're good. it's over. >> also, grab 'em by the pussy? it's not a bowling ball. >> i moved on her like a bitch. i couldn't get there. >> i moved on her like a bitch. >> like a bitch! like a bitch. >> this was the only time i've ever heard trump admit failure. >> it's also the only time he admitted he's a bitch. >> definitely the funniest line in this whole tale of sexual assault. it's like if liam neeson kept farting during schindler's list. >> that is all going to end, you know. >> i moved on her very heavily. in fact, i took her out furniture shopping. i said i'll show you where
there's nice furniture. >> all this time i bought a woman dinner when all you had to do was take her ottoman shopping. buy a loveseat and you can have sex with her. >> when trump wanted to decorate her interior he meant with giz. >> yes, the donald is good! the donald has scored! >> yes! >> tic tac! >> way the go. i've got to use some tic taces just in case i start kissing her. >> when the president grabs that tic tac and you hear that -- that, to me, is the sound of a winning candidate for president. >> it's like moroccos for misogyny. >> i'm going to defend planned parenthood. ahhhhh! >> have a little hug for the donald. he just got off the bus. >> okay, absolutely. >> you forget billy bush is the robin to trump's sexual predator batman. ♪ >> enough, already.
>> if you had to choose, honestly, between one of us, me or the donald. >> i don't know, that's tough competition. >> oh, god, who would you choose? trump or billy bush? toughest pill ever. >> who would i go on a date with, dinner, movie? billy bush, hike, awkward date, billy bush. full sex, the donald, but billy bush gets to watch. that's his thing. >> sorry. >> this was locker room talk. i'm not proud of it. i apologized to my family and the american people. >> what does he know about locker room talk? have you seen him? he hasn't been in a gym 50 years. >> i have been in the locker room. sometimes you talk about dicks and sometimes you make your rackets collide: sometimes the european guys put your foreskin over your foreskin. >> nothing this good came from
♪ ♪ smoking as a teen can permanently stunt your lungs, taking the air out of even the biggest and baddest. posting hashtag yeehaw. hashtag i have no signal and i still can't post out here. woah! look out, coming through. hey thomas. howdy there joy. see joy's got the new iphone with verizon unlimited. you bet i do. best phone, best network. america's largest, most reliable 4g lte network. she can post out here like she does in the city. hey twelve likes. what?
likes won't get you didly around these parts. yaaw! (vo) when you really, really want the best, get the new iphone on the best unlimited with plans starting at $40 per line for four lines. ...better than a manual, and my hygienist says it does. but... ...they're not all the same. turns out, they're really... ...different. who knew? i had no idea. so, she said look for... ...one that's shaped like a dental tool with a round... ...brush head. go pro with oral-b. oral-b's rounded brush head surrounds each tooth to... ...gently remove more plaque and... ...oral-b crossaction is clinically proven to... ...remove more plaque than sonicare diamondclean. my mouth feels so clean. i'll only use an oral-b! the #1 brand used by dentists worldwide. oral-b. brush like a pro. (crunch) (whack) (gasp) (elephant trumpeting)
( ♪ ) hello. (multiple whacks) really, dan? hi, guys. hey, dan. hi. what's up, dan? ooh, doritos... (whack, crash) (crunch) (elephant trumpeting) are we gonna talk about this? nope. blue moon is brewed mwith valencia orange peel, are we gonna talk about this? for a taste that shines brighter. t-mobile's unlimited now includes netflix on us. that's right. netflix on us. get 4 unlimited lines for just $40 bucks each. taxes and fees included. and now netflix included.
( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is a writer and producer who has created a number of television shows including thea ward winning hit series "blackish" on abc. please welcome kenya barris. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome to the show. >> thank you, man. >> trevor: so good to see you in person on the show. season 4 of "blackish" off to a hot start. ( cheers and applause ) congratulations. can i ask you an honest question? did you think the show would get this far, especially considering you had someone who tweeted about the show, "how is abc
television allowed to have a show entitled "blackish"? can you imagine the furor of a show "whitish," racism at its highest level?" >> that fy''s not going to be anybody, though. that guy's a nobody. >> trevor: that guy became president, man. ( laughter ) no, but did you think "blackish" would do this well when you first conceived of it and created it? >> absolutely not. i mean, there's no way i could have thought that. i was happy i even had a show on. >> trevor: right. >> i remember the night of the show, i made the mistake of getting on the internet and people were, like, three and done. every day i get to wake up and do it i'm, like, wow it's happening again. >> trevor: the first episode that aired this week on tuesday was a musical about the first day at the end of slavery, the first day of freedom, basically.
>> hilarious! >> trevor: exactly. exactly. ( laughter ) is there a momenty you're going i can't put this on network television? >> every single day. if we don't think that, then we really don't want to do that. and we're not trying to do it just to do it. >> trevor: right. >> like the stuff that -- i think the reason us as a country we're here right now is because for so long political correctness made us think, like, everything's all good, and then all of a sudden we look up and i feel like it's almost like the cicadas were buried and next thing you know, it's -- everywhere, because everybody was repressing what was inside. we're not "law and order," we're not trying to rip stuff from the headlines, but this is what families are talking about and we want to have the conversations because so many people who come up to me and talk about the show, they are, like, i was afraid to talk about that. >> trevor: that's interesting. >> and we're much more alike than we are different as a culture and i think that when we actually talk about it, and
that's the great thing about comey, is it gives you a spoonful of sugar to take down real topics. >> trevor: you have topics that hit home. there was an episode where anthony's character is at his ad agency and i think one of the bosses comes in, the white guy, and he goes, well, you know, black men didn't go out and vote as much as they should have, maybe you should take some of the blame for donald trump, and obviously everyone goes crazy. >> right. >> trevor: when you wrote that, i didn't know if you knew the numbers came out that black men didn't come out and vote in numbers that they did for barack obama. are you going to write the scene where they go back and apologize to him? >> that episode was called "lemons." we are thinking about doing a revisiting because i feel like all the things we're starting to see we thought never could happen, that's almost how you need to predict what's going to happen. >> trevor: right. >> and it's just amazing to me -- i saw the paper towel
image. it's, like, i've never seen someone at every given point, no matter what situation you put him in is going to make the wrong decision. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) whatever it is you know, and somehow that led him to the presidency. i was thinking, like, literally, if he didn't follow his own advice, if he did everything he thought opposite, he probably would fall intota diamond mine. >> trevor: when you look at the situations that face america and how people view another human beings, a lot of it boils down to people who have never met these human beings. >> 100%. >> trevor: in a way do you think "blackish" has given many americans who watch the show a black friend? do you know what i mean? >> i mean, i'll take that. i mean, i feel like it's so interesting that you said that they don't know -- you know, don't know someone. i feel like 99% of the things that happen are because we don't really try and say i understand.
you know what i'm saying? we take someone else's opinion as our own. i have been doing panels and my only piece of advice is i say white people, don't send your kids with all white people, black people don't send your kids with all black people. rich people don't send your kids to school with all rich people, poor people don't send your kids with all poor people. try to geat into a situation where these people are not just ideas. i feel like we have to make an effort to really get out and know one another and have conversations. that's one of the things the show allowed people to do is get a real peek inside of a family and sometimes things might be offensive but they're not malicious. they may just offend your sensibilities at that moment but when you're thinking about them you're, like, i didn't know that and try to start a conversation. all we're trying to do is make people talk. >> trevor: thank you very much. "blackish" tuesdays at 9:00 p.m.
( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: that's our show. before we go. let's check into jordan klepper over app "the opposition." what's going on, jordan? how are you doing? >> not happy. do you know about this nobel peace prize thing? >> trevor: they announce the winner tomorrow, right? >> yeah, and i'm not even nominated. classic lefty backpadding. i'm out there fighting for peace every single day. >> trevor: wow, you? mr. opposition? >> you kidding? i spread peace like warm butter on white bread. last night i brokered a high level peace deal between my wait around myself because he didn't bring my drink out fast enough. it could have been much larger conflict but i diffused i