tv The Daily Show Comedy Central October 20, 2017 1:35am-2:05am PDT
[nonchalant whistling] - well, i'd say other than making everyone in the world crap their pants, our event went over really well. - really well? really well? you're gonna be-- i tell you again. [shouting gibberish] - all right, come on, everybody. we've got a long bus ride back to colorado, mm-kay? - well, that whole experience sure did suck. - yeah, but you know, i learned something today. we were so worried about how cool we looked to those new yorker kids that we forgot-- we're already totally cool, even if we don't know what queef means. - "queef" is a vaginal expulsion of gas, mm-kay. - huh? - here they are. - yeah! - oh, brother, let's just get out of here. - hey, not so fast. we know it was you guys that changed the music and made everyone on earth crap their pants. - uh... - yeah, we knows all about it. - oh, no! - yeah, me and the guys, well, we was talkin', and well... well, we just want you to know that we think you're pretty cool. - huh? - you do? - sure. i mean, everybody on earth [bleep] themselves 'cause of you, and that's pretty cool. i mean, that's pretty amazing. - yeah, we was wrong about you guys. we're sorry. - well, that's fine, that's fine. next time, just remember that we're all pretty cool on the west side too,
if you know what i'm saying. - yeah, see you guys later. - come on, boys, you're holdin' up the bus. oh, wow, look, it's kenny g himself. thank you for a wonderful concert, mr. g. - g-good-bye. - oh, well, thank you. you know, it's funny, you kiss just like my dad. well, miss crabtree, this certainly has been a great trip. let's head home. - which way should we go? - second star to the right and straight on till morning.
tower. goodbye wrigley field. goodbye pharmacy on the corner. >> trevor! trevor noah! >> trevor: oprah. is that you? >> trevor, why are you saying goodbye? you still have another show to do. >> trevor: of course. wait. you're alive. why are you talking to me from the clouds? >> because i'm oprah, baby! i do what i want! >> trevor: wow. ♪ >> from chicago, the city that's apparently too good for normal pizza, it's "the daily show" undesked with trevor noah! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: what's going on, chicago?!
( cheers and applause ) thank you so much, everybody! welcome! welcome, everybody! welcome to "the daily show" in chicago! our final night! you guys have been amazing all week! i'm trevor noah and i could not be more excited. we've got a great, great show for you tonight. ( cheers and applause ) thank you so much. take a seat, everybody. you guys have been amazing. thank you so much. we've had a great day. our final show, our guest, i could not be more excited, rapper and chicago native vic mensa is joining us, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) we're going to have a fun conversation with him. and can i just say, after watching last night's baseball game, i hope the cubs win forever. ( cheers and applause ) i hope they win forever! just because i could never get tired of watching them do this. >> baseball fans were up late last night. the cubs, they're still alive. >> bobby breaking out of his
slump, two homers in the second and fifth and they were dancing big time in the bullpen as a result. lots to dance about in this game. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> trevor: that's amazing. i'm sorry. that is the most fun thing i've ever seen. ( applause ) i don't even know if they're celebrating a home run or ifs in a peanuts christmas party. that's what it sounds like. ( laughter ) the guys in the video, you have a man in the back that's a one-man konga line, then this man,o a robot, then this guy, i forgot my keys! i love this city so much. chicago's so much fun. ( cheers and applause ) let's move on to the story blowing up the news. i don't know if you know, but there's a guy named donald trump whose president ( booing ) from day one of his presidency
he's possessed an ability to conjure scandal out of thin air. >> president trump making backlash after saying president obama didn't call families of those killed in duty. >> he talked about why he remained silent for twelve days after an ambush in niger. >> trevor: how do you start so clear and veer off-track? he was handed the baton and instead of staying in his lane, he walks off the track, drives a car down the cliff, gets out and dusts himself off and says, why didn't obama drive? ( laughter ) one little moment and then all week long it just kept snowballing out of control. >> the controversy growing after mr. trump insisted he called all of the families of soldiers killed during his presidency. >> my policy is i've auld every
one of them. >> but the widow of sergeant jonathan hunter killed in august in afghanistan said she never heard from the president. >> i don't like i was told i would receive the phone call but never did. >> this father said president trump called in july to offer condolences and offered to send him a personal check for $25,000. >> the money never came. the white house said it mailed the check wednesday only after the story was published. >> trevor: dude! how do you mess up a call so badly? trump calls a man to offer condolences on the death of his son and somehow ends up stiffing him $25,000? how did this spiral out of control? he can't help himself. let's be honest. i bet when a reporter called him and said where's the money you owe that man? i bet trump said, thank you for reminding me as a show of
gratitude i'll give you $25,000. how do you feel? we'vegoat gone from niger to a three-day media storm about trump calling the families. the families hope the president would reach out and end up wishing they let them go to voicemail. >> the new controversy facing president trump. he's taking heat for alleged insensitive remark me made to widow of slain army sergeant. >> a congresswoman overheard the call. >> i didn't hear the whole phone call but i heard him say i'm sure he knew what he was signing up for. >> the comments were taken far out of context by the media and if there is any frustration i think that's where it should be focused. >> trevor: in trump's defense, and i know people don't like that phrase, donald trump is the worst at words, all right? can we agree on that? he is the worst at words. ( applause ) he was probably trying to convey
a heartfelt message but instead the people interpreted it as him disrespecting the troops. that's what i said. he was trying something and people were, like, donald trump you disrespected the troops. i bet you wherever colin kaepernick is right now he's probably, like, well, ain't that a bitch? ( applause ) because that's not what he was trying to do. and i don't know, i don't think we should be surprised that trump offended this family. we've all heard him speak. we're offend evidence riday. do you think a phone is going to magically transform him into an eloquent man, like trump will be talking about all these losers and haters, bing, bing, bong, bong, bigly! hold on, i've got to make a call. greetings and salutations! my soul is awash in a great flood of sorrow as i reflect upon your circumstance. fare thee well.
right, where was i? little rocket man! it's not going to happen. ( cheers and applause ) i mean, clearly, clearly, donald trump sucks at making these calls, which is unfortunate, because i don't know who at the white house can make these calls, right? jared kushner can't do it because he's on line one fixing the middle east. you don't want sarah huckabee sanders calling because she'll tell you your son didn't die. then 30 other people can't do it because they've all been fired. there is nobody who can make the calls. maybe melania can make the call, though i don't trust her to not sneak in her own personal agenda. she's, like, i'm so jealous for the loss of your husband. ( laughter ) ( applause ) and, look, trump can't be faulted for not being articulate, but he can be blamed for making an unnecessary problem worse.
all right? because when people accused him of being insensitive, he could have just said, i apologize, it wasn't my intention to offend anyone, but instead he act like this. >> i didn't say what that congresswoman said, didn't say it at all. she knows it. and she's saying i did not say it. i did not say what she said. i had a very nice conversation with the woman, with the wife who is -- sounded like a lovely woman, did mott say what the congresswoman said. >> trevor: i didn't say it. i didn't say it. no is. i didn't say it. no, i didn't say it. come on, donald. donald, just say you're sorry, donald. but i didn't do it! i want to talk about my tax cuts. donnell, no, we're not going to talk about tax cuts until you apologize. i hate you!
you're not my real voters! you know what, donald? we didn't want you either, okay? you were an accident! there was a hole in the electronic system and we're just trying to make this work, donald! now go to your room! ( cheers and applause ) so here we are. at the end of another week, going through another scandal that didn't need to exist because do you guys even remember what this press conference was about? does anyone remember? it was trump coming out with mitch mcconnell to say everything was going well. ( laughter ) that was the original cause. that's why they did it. can you imagine if you worked in the white house, right? like imagine if you were there before the press conference and you were there afterwards but you missed the press conference itself, you would be, like, what the (bleep) happened? ( laughter ) imagine, you would be waiting there and be, like, okay, so, this press conference, what are we doing? trump would say, mitch and i are
just going to say we're friends. that's it? yeah, yeah, that's it. okay, cool. sounds easy. i'm going to take a dump. see you afterwards. you come back ten minutes later, yo, quickly! we need a list of gold star families! we're in a fight with a lady in a cowboy hat and we need to borrow $25,000! just do it! ( cheers and applause ) every single press conference becomes something else. think about it. the other time it was, like, okay, what's this press conference about? well, we're just going to talk about roads and bridges. infrastructure, that's safe and boring. i'm going to take a dump. ten minutes, i'll be back you. come back, yo! do you know any good nazis? please! what about the roads? forget the roads! we need to find good nazis! (bleep) a cliff! ( cheers and applause )
must be insane! look, this problem isn't getting any better. so basically, if you're working for trump, either find a new job or stock up on some adult diapers. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) from executive producer, martin scorsese. have you seen anything like this? never like this. based on the terrifying best-seller. he's playing games with us. he's completely insane. the snowman. rated r. ♪ now $6.99, this thing's you lovhalf a pound ♪gger ♪ ♪ $6.99 for an oldtimer with cheese ♪ ♪ also, did we mention it's $6.99? ♪
♪ chili's is back, baby, back, baby, back ♪ ♪ mmmm-hmmm ♪ oh, baby, chili's is back, baby, back, baby, back ♪ where heroes uniteors. like never before! plan your attack and unleash devastating moves against unimaginable hordes. fire emblem warriors. game rated teen. all smartphones are more or less the same, right? but this is the moto z. [hello moto] can your phone turn into a projector? because a 70 inch projection beats an edge-to-edge screen. can your phone get loud with an alexa you can take anywhere? alexa, turn it up. and alexa, add a moto z to my cart.
whentertaining us,es getting us back on track,hing? and finding us dates. phones really have changed. so why hasn't the way we pay for them? introducing xfinity mobile. you only pay for data and can easily switch between pay per gig and unlimited. no one else lets you do that. see how much you can save.
choose by the gig or unlimited. xfinity mobile. a new kind of network designed to save you money. call, visit or go to xfinitymobile.com. >> trevor: welcome back the "the daily show"! coming to you one last time from chicago! this week -- this week, you've gotten to see all our correspondence with us here in this beautiful city and for our final night please welcome our very own hasan minhaj! ( cheers and applause ) >> what's up, chicago?! oh, man! ( cheers and applause ) i am so happy to be here! i'm thrilled! thank you! i am so happy to be here during your one week of autumn. it is incredible. it really seemed like perfect
timing, and then i saw this. >> a crisis with north korea reached an unsettling new level today with news of a possible major breakthrough in kim jong un's nuclear weapons capability. >> the speed of the regime's nuclear progress is stunning. north korea launched a missile test that could reach all the way to chicago. >> okay, nobody panic. the bomb isn't going to hit chicago. it's just going to have a five-hour layover at o'hare and then fly to new york, all right? but here's the good news shy town, you guys have the solution to all of this because kim jong un is obsessed with the chicago bulls. this is true. ( cheering ) when kim was a boy, his passion was basketball, especially michael jordan and the chicago bulls. he would fall asleep with a basketball in his bed. little dude spent hours doing meticulous pencil drawings of bulls superstars.
creepy, okay? so everybody's, like, oh, is he insane? is he a genius? no. kim jong un is basically me when i was in middle school -- short, awkward, obsessed with basketball, weird haircut, that's 13-year-old hasan. look at that photo! that's kim jong minage, mushroom cut and all ( cheers and applause ) when you look at kick kick, i see every asian kid whongtd make the basketball team. he wants to launch threes, not october. ( laughter ) you see that asian parents? this is what happens when you force a kid into a career they hate. they threaten to blow up the world. i know! ( cheers and applause ) i know kim jong un is basically 13-year-old hasan because the best day of his life was when we got to meet chicago bulls power
forward dennis rodman. look at that! look at how adorable they are! it's like -- it's like when a tiger becomes friends with a duck. shouldn't they be eating each other? but somehow it just works. now, notice the entire time rodman was hanging out with kim jong un, kim didn't have his finger on the red button, but as soon as rodman left, north korean draco malfoy went to playing with explosives. ( laughter ) that was just rodman. imagine what we could do if we got the whole 72 and 10 bulls on board! ( cheers and applause ) we would have a european ally, tony kukoch, a virtual assassin scottie pippen, luc longley -- nobody wants luc longley, but you know who we really need. we know who could seal the deal, greatest of all time.
guard, 6'6" from north carolina michael jordan! ♪ i'm kidding. couldn't get michael. but we've seen it before, michael jordan plays basketball against evil foreigners to save the world? that's not a peace summit, that's space jam two. m.j. could sov the whole thing in a day. mike, if you're watching, for the sake of humanity, all you've got to do is go to north korea, befriend kim jong un and let that little make a wish dictator dunk on you. i know you hate losing but this one time you've got to take one for the team, m.j. >> trevor: hasan minhaj, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) we'll be right back!
it's a match made in tech heaven. it's like verizon is the oil and google is the balsamic. no, actually they separate into a suspension. it's more like the google pixel 2 is the unlimited storage. and verizon is the best unlimited plan. what if it's like h2 and o? yeah. that's right. i had a feeling that would score with you guys. good meeting. (avo) when you really, really want the best get the pixel 2 for up to $300 off on google's exclusive wireless partner, verizon. then he tried tostitos flavored salsas...nline. ...and realized that not all sharing is easy. oooh, roasted garlic... can i...um... stuart... share the salsa, stuart. thanks! roasted garlic, nice. you guys know there's more salsa, right? tostitos. bring the party.
most people think doilies and cabbage roses.aper, we wanted to make wallpaper cool again. one of the greatest challenges of running a small business is having to do a little bit of everything. office 365 really lets us collaborate in real time. once a client sees a 3d rendering, they get it. who knew there would be so much math with wallpaper? the math feature is so amazing. love, love, love teams. it simplifies communication from everywhere. it makes our 10-person company feel like 50. i like that math.
welcome to the show. >> thank you for having me. >> trevor: it's so good to have you, man. been a fan of your music for a long time. we share very similar stories. growing up on different sides of the earth, still having an african parent, a parent who is white, when you look at that world and how you grew up, how do you think that influenced your music? you know, growing up in chicago where you lived in your family and you always talk about this, you were just vic. you didn't think of it as black or white and you get to an age where suddenly the world goes, no, no, vic, you're black. >> 100 percent. yeah, well, you know, being african. that's the half african thing. ( laughter ) you know how african parents are. it's all about school and, you know, discipline and like you said, when i was younger, i didn't feel very racial, though. i felt like a kid. around the time i was 11, 12
years old is when the world decides for you, you know, and decides that you are black and society has -- has deemed you this. and it's a construct. it's an american idea, white and black, you go out of america and you say, i'm black, they will be, like, well, where are you from, really? they will be, like, i'm black. but where? >> trevor: i'm from black! ( laughter ) >> you know, i started to realize, you know, as police were singling me out and treating me differently than my white counterparts in our little, you know, in our transgressions, i started to realize that the world had decided for me and that i was branded, you know. >> trevor: right. when you grow up like that, i mean, a lot of people react to it in different ways. you grew up in chicago on the south side. there are so many ideas of what the south side is, right?
( cheering ) you don't have a typical story, though, you grew up in this world where everyone expects the worse of everyone for everyone. you had a family there to support you but, on the other side, you have something very real happening in the streets around you. was that a tough balancing act? was it you trying to figure out where you fit in this world? >> the south side is a hot bed of culture. when you talk about hip-hop music and dance and a lot of things that black people have revolutionized, you're talking about art that comes from struggle, and the south side is clearly struggling. i mean, as if we didn't have enough problems on our own now they're saying kim jong un can shoot us with a missile. ( laughter ) i was, like, why do we have to be the ones that can get hit? ( laughter ) and i was just navigating my way through that.
and i experienced a lot of eye-opening inequalities that really influenced me musically ands a man to see how economic disparity could be so transparent and to live five blocks from a project building and live five blocks from obama's house. >> trevor: right. >> when i was 12 years old, before i knew who obama was, i'm pretty sure i ran through his backyard from the police. ( laughter ) i think so. it might have been his neighbor. don't quote me, but -- >> trevor: i'm not gonna lie, man. your music says a lot. talking to you in person, even better. ladies and gentlemen, vic mensa. "the autobiography" is available right now. >> thank you. >> trevor: we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) th