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tv   The Daily Show  Comedy Central  May 1, 2018 11:00pm-11:31pm PDT

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>> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ welcome to "the daily show"! thank you so much for tuning in! my guest tonight antoinette
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robertson, star of the hit netflix series "dear white people," is joining us, everybody! >> trevor: if you believe facebook has too much access to your personal information, good news, facebook wants to introduce you to somebody with similar concerns. >> mark zuckerberg says facebook is getting into dating. 200 million people list themselves as single and he wants to foster long-term relationships. >> today we are announcing a new set of features coming soon around dating! this is going to be for building real long-term congratulations, not just hookups. >> trevor: yea! finally, relationships without the hookup! do you know how many times i have been in a relationship? too much hooking up. what would turn me on, meeting your parents, yes.
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imagine, you meet someone on fab, get married, have a kid and because you didn't read the terms of service facebook takes the kid and sells it to cambridge analytica. ( applause ) then only a matter of time before the russians meddle in our love lives. seeking long term relationship -- ( laughter ) remember harold bornstein? trump's personal doctor and lebowski stunt double. remember him? when trump took office early last year, dr. bornstein told "new york times" trump was healthy for his age and took a few medications including propecia to slow down balding. the doctor suffered from open mouth disease. >> a bizarre new allegation from
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president trump's former private physician dr. harold bornstein says, shortly after president trump took office, the president's personal body guard and top lawyer for the trump organization suddenly came into his office, made off with all of the president's medical records going back decades. >> created a lot of chaos. i couldn't believe anybody was making a big deal about a drug that was to grow his hair, which seemed to be so important, and it certainly is not a breech of medical trust to tell somebody they take propecia to grow their hair. what's the patter with that? >> trevor: first off, beautiful hair. ( laughter ) yeah, i feel like when he was giving trump propecia, he was, like, one for you, one for me. one for you, one for me. ( laughter ) second, i'm completely on president trump's side on the one. your doctor is not supposed to disclose your medical information to anyone, especially not the "new york times." the way he's saying it, he
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doesn't even sound like a doctor. he sounds like a grandmother telling your embarrassing secrets. donny, you're just going bald! what's the big deal! propecia is better than a wig. remember the wig? that was horrible! ( laughter ) i do think trump went a little overboard, that said. two days after bornstein balance balance, trump sends a body guard and two other dudes to break down the door, or beaded curtain, and take his records. i'm not going to lie, i feel bad for dr. bornstein. he looks shook. more than me, i'm scared for everyone else in the fregglrock community! ( laughter ) but let's move on. why does no one in trump's world look normal? let's move on to the only thing that terrifies president trump more than going bald, the mueller investigation. >> breaking news from the "new york times" which has obtained the list of 49 questions that
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special counsel robert mueller recently provided to president trump's lawyers. questions that mueller wants answered in an interview with the president. >> five about his fired national security advisor michael flynn, 21 about fired f.b.i. director jim comey, nine about attorney general jeff sessions and 14 about coordination with russia. >> we have a graphic of 40 of the questions robert mueller's team would ask the president. >> trevor: that's a ton of questions. you can't make trump read that much. ( laughter ) the only thing trump reads are his twitter mentions and the garfield cartoons the c.i.a. slips into his daily intense briefings. i get why mueller wants to ask trump these questions but i think it will be a waste of his time. you know every answer to every one of these questions will be trump going they said i could never get to 270 electoral college votes, i got to 306, so
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many votes -- mueller would be like, please state your name for the record. oh, i'm sorry, donald trump, t, as in tremendous electoral college victory! ( laughter ) so robert mueller gave a list of questions to trump's legal team and those questions have now leaked to the media and everyone knows, unless it's in a hotel room in russia, president trump does not like leaks. >> the president tweeting this, so disgraceful that the questions concerning the russian witch hunt were leaked to the media. no questions on collusion. oh, i see, you have a made up phony crime, collusion that never existed and an investigation begun with illegally leaked classified information. nice! >> trevor: nice! ( laughter ) america's first sarcastic president -- nice! ( laughter ) don't get me wrong, having a sarcastic president is cool until shit hits the fan. then it will be like, oh, you're going to kill all the hostages?
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nice! oh, your did? my bad, my bad. you can tell by the tweet trump is really mad. he says none of the questions are about collusion but 14 are, but 14 is basically zero. ( laughter ) second, he's mad because he believes mueller's team leaked these questions to the press, but what if it turns out the leak is coming from inside the house? >> it's very likely or at least it would make a lot of accepts that the leak would come from trump-world. >> they're looking for the media and public to go, jeez, these questions are really hard, they really would not go well for him, he can't sit down, because they can't convince him to not do it themselves. >> because people like us on television would be saying this is a really bad idea and perhaps he listen to television more than his own advisors. >> being trump's lawyer must be so exhausting. think about it, he won't listen to you so you have to launder your legal advice through the
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tv. ( laughter ) trump's lawyers are basically doing the same thing parents do to get their kids to eat greens. it's like, come on, timmy, eat your broccoli. i don't wanna! mr. socks sakes broccoli is delicious! yay, broccoli! i love mr. socks, i hate daddy! come on, your daddy is a great guy. no, i love mr. bob more, he hugs mommy during the day. what the (bleep)? ( laughter ) this is interesting, trump's lawyers may have leaked these questions so that the news will tell trump to not talk to mueller, and guess which news did exactly what trump's team needed? >> this is garbage from the "new york times" tonight, absolute garbage, no attorney will ever let this president sit down with robert mueller. this "new york times" thing, put it in your fireplace and burn
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it. because we have sources that -- half of these questions are dumb anyway. oh, what was in your mind at the time? you don't punish or charge people for the thoughts they have in their head. >> trevor: you know, my favorite thing about sean hannity is he's the wrongest right-sounding person you will ever meet. because you realize you can get charged because to have the thoughts if you have your head. it's called criminal intent. it's such a basic concept of law and order that they put it in the name of the show. ( applause ) and you know what i find amazing about all of this? just when you think about it, what i find amazing about all of this is everyone is telling trump he shouldn't sit down with robert mueller. but why? if he's innocent, just go on to the questions. i know some people might be saying, no, trevor, mueller is clearly trying to trap trump. that's what he's trying to do, trap him.
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what trap? he's giving trump the questions ahead of time. that's not a trap. trump can practice his answers. he can tattoo them on himself like memento if he needs. if it helps, he can memorize these answers in song form. he can be like. ♪ i did not protect michael flynn ♪ ♪ and i never met putin ( applause ) you can do it all! i don't know if you find this mind blowing because, like, this is the world's easiest open-book test and, still, still trump's people are going, yeah -- i'm worried he's still gonna fail. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) what's wrong?
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mother...nature! sure smells amazing... even in accounts receivable. gain botanicals laundry detergent. bring the smell of nature wherever you are. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." the united states constitution. we all talk about it, but does anyone who's not nicolas cage really understand it? well, michael costa went looking for such a person in his new segment thank me later. >> hi, i'm michael kosta. civic activism.
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does it work? can one person make a difference? taint on "thank me later a, we'll meet one man who did the impossible -- no, not me. he changed the united states constitution forever. i sat down with this american hero. you can thank me later. hi there. >> hi. >> who are you? >> i'm gregory watson. i'm responsible for the ratification of the 27t 27th amendment to the federal constitution. >> that's right. this lone star scholar got an amendment rat fade to the constitution like the supreme law of america constitution, as in the 1787 founding fathers constitution. you're not a founding father, you're more like a weird uncle of the u.s. constitution. >> stepfather. >> stepfather. so you are nice sometimes but then sometimes you come home drunk and treat the kids crappy because they're not really yours? >> sometimes. >> trevor: i'm very familiar with the constitution. i'm a huge fan.
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why don't you tell the viewers what the 27th amendment is? i'm very certain we know what it is but go ahead. >> it says when members of congress wants to adjust their salaries, they must wait until the next election has intervened. >> for you dumb dumbs who don't care about our country, three-quarters of the states are needed to ratify an amendment. how did this egg head get it done? >> it all started in 1982 with a college paper at the i wrote. i found a book in the library that showed amendments that congress had approved but which not enough state legislatures had ratified and i found this one from 1789. >> wait, wait, you're an undergrad. >> yes, a sophomore. >> a sophomore who realized this amendment which was introduced in 1789 was still available to be ratified sphrchlts march of
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1982 during spring break. >> spring break, when i'm at the wet t-shirt contest in cancun, you're realizing an amendment can still be ratified in the u.s. constitution? >> yes, yes! >> trevor: so you write this paper. >> yes. i turn it in to the t.a. >> mm-hmm. >> and get it back a few days later with a c on it. i appealed the grade to the professor. she said she would take a look at it. when she came back a few days later, she saw me sitle in the aisle and physically tossed it at me and said, no change. i decided right then and there, i'm going to get that amendment ratified. >> wait a minute, are you saying this guy got a constitutional amendment ratified? >> john, can you just stick to the reenactment? also you're meant to be 19 years old so can you act like a hot teen? >> no, i can't. >> what happens now? >> well, then i start writing those letters, pleading with members of the legislature in
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those states to introduce a resolution at the state capitol to ratify the amendment and the needed 32 states. when maine ratified in 1983, there was no turning back. that's the story of how gregory watson -- >> you have to look at the camera. >> why are you talking? i was just delivering my line. >> you're not -- >> hang on. i'm john (bleep) hodgeman. on television sometimes. we're done. >> okay. >> and then what happened? >> so i pestered and i badgered and i cajoled the state legislatures over the course of ten years, and they ratified it. >> this whole time i thought you would be some harvard law constitutional scholar lobbyist to elicit change. you're really just a pain in the ass. >> yeah. >> yeah. when the 27th amendment was finally ratified, what did they give you as a sign of respect
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for your work? >> nothing. >> no thank you card. >> no thank you card from anyone. >> i was afraid i was going to hear a sad, depressing story which is why i made this for you, gregory watson. this is a trophy commemorating you on getting the 27t 27th amendment ratified. >> buell. i shall treasure it for all time. ( applause ) >> trevor: michael kosta, everybody. we'll be right back. today, historical sites are disappearing, but ai can help us bring history back to life. to recreate historical sites, we had to stitch hundreds of pictures one by one. with microsoft ai, we are able to stitch hundreds of thousands of pictures in one night. i need to make it possible, because it's so important to do it. with artificial intelligence you can go in, you can experience it.
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( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to the "the daily show." my guest is an actor who stars in the critically acclaimed netflix series "dear white people." >> troy abdicated his responsibility. >> yes! yes! that is sad! >> accordingly, we will need someone smart, responsible and not annoying to fill his shoes. obviously, that person should be me. i mean, i sound grammatically correct, so -- >> show hands of everyone in favor of upholding the bylaws of our respected organization which dictates i should be the chair. >> not everything is a story. >> trevor: please welcome antoinette robertson. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> thank you! >> trevor: welcome to the
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show. >> thank you for having me. >> trevor: i am a genuinely huge fan of "dear white people." i know some people in the audience may not be familiar with the show but the title makes it seem like it's a show telling white people stories or ideas that emanate from the black world but really it's just a story of kids living their lives in college and many of them happen to be black. >> yeah, it's just a series. the name is meant to articulate the mindset of the minorities of the world, if that makes sense, and the thought process is there are several groups of students like it follows minorities on their path of, like, in college. so they figure out they're navigating racial tensions because there's a black face party and after the black face party, racial tensions get to the utmost high and these students are just trying to figure out the identity and where they fit in, in the world, and how the world perceives them, so it's just telling our story. >> trevor: what i love about your character is you play this
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powerful, smart woman who comes from a world where, for so long, she has been mistreated because to have the color of her skin even within the black community. like, why is cocoa so significant just in the name in and of itself. >> her name is colandria, so, in her mind, changing it to cocoa made it more acceptable. so she went in for an interview and they said colandria, automatically resume in the bin. her thought process was if i can simulate in some way shape or form, that is going to be a means of survival for me in the world that has a tendency to view black people as one thing, and we're all multi-dimensional beings. so that fact alone has her striving to be the best in her classes, to be articulate, to make sure she has a level of decorum especially in the presence of other being a black face in a white place, so people think she sells out and that's not what it is, she's just
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trying to better herself and that's the only way she sees fit. >> trevor: were there any parallels between cocoa's world and your world in real life as a dark skinned black woman. >> i feel as a dark skinned woman if i'm assertive and passionately articulate how i'm feeling, people might see me as being aggressive or i might be called the b word. we might be apprehensive to say how we feel because we might be labeled in man's world. co-decided if i polish the things i say, if i make sure i make the right moves, if i'm in line with the right people, if i go to the right school, then i'll have the success that i really, really want in life. >> when you look at the character and the story, we're moving into season two now, i know many people including myself are excited for it. i guess what is your greatest joy in cocoa. what are the things you're looking forward to in her
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evolution. >> i love that cocoa is starting to live her absolute truth unapologetically. so i feel we're if a world that wants to put women in this little box and we should be able to do, say and be whatever we want, especially like little girls of color who aren't used to having -- not used to seeing the olivia popes before they become olivia pope. they see if they're navigating the world and they feel kind of insecure or based on the fact that the world has this notion that a euro centric idea of beauty is what beauty is. these girls don't see themselves. they don't see a reflection of themselves and because of that, you know, like, it gives people a lack of self-esteem. so i feel like with portraying her with grace, you know, even though she claps back, but articulately so, it feels like, okay, great, you guys can see a woman of color that's not depicted as a stereotype or how
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the world would want to believe that we're all angry brach women. >> right but giving her the opportunity to be angry if she wants to be. >> if she wants to be, right, ladies? >> be happy, always beautiful, amazing. thank you for being on your show. season two of "dear white people" appears on fesks. we'll be right back.
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>> trevor: that's our show for tonight. stay tuned, "the opposition" with jordan klepper is coming up. now here it is... your moment of zen. >> we are hearing from our new jersey cell phone store worker who fought back in a violent robbery. >> he had a blade on my neck like this. i pushed it away.
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he quickly took another one out. i kicked that one away like this. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ed by comedy central >> jordan: look at what i found, today's "new york times," which has robert mueller's questions to donald trump. these are stupid, dumb crap. i have the real questions people should be asking donald trump. question: how many people are saying trump has been the toughest on russia? >> how many? >> jordan: many people. the answer is many people. who has small hands? >> not donald trump. >> jordan: yes are i would say children or elves, maybe jeff sessions, bob mueller. the writers aren't in yet. it's early. what's greatest threat to national security after isis? >> trump. ( laughter ) >> jordan: what? these are the questions mueller


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