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tv   The Daily Show With Trevor Noah  Comedy Central  February 14, 2020 1:40am-2:15am PST

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[ indistinct conversation, utensils clinking ] there's a time when a town becomes more than it was. when the people take that bold step into making things better. to progress. to change.
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to not be what you were in the past. this is a new place. ready for the next decade. updated, revitalized, and ready to fit in with the most progressive towns in america. this is south park. welcome home. are the mexicans actually staying? shh! >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show," everybody. thank you so much for tuning in. thank you for coming out. thank you so much for being here. let's do this thing.
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i'm trevor noah. our guest tonight is an actor and comedian whose new movie is called "olympic dreams." nick kroll is joining us on the show, everyone! ( cheers and applause ) also on tonight's show, mike bloomberg is up against the wall. roy wood jr. takes us to the chitlin' circuit, and why your airplane seat could get you punched. so let's catch up on today's headlines. let's kick it off with climate change. antarctica is currently seeing record-breaking warm weather, but if you're thinking about going there for a picnic, you better be careful about where you sit. >> reporter: a massive iceberg about three times the size of the city of paris has broken off a glacier in antarctica. satellite images show the iceberg breaking away from the pine island glacier in recent days. it comes as temperatures on the antarctica peninsula spike to 65 degrees fahrenheit. scientists also captured this moment when a glacier recently collapsed in the very same region. take a look at that. >> trevor: wow.
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giant chunks of antarctica are breaking off? you know who i blame for this? harry and meghan. now everyone's trying to be independent. ( laughter ) "i want to be my own iceberg! i'm out!" ( laughter ) and, guys, honestly, i don't know how we're going to stop antarctica from melting. like, we either fight to lower global temperatures, or we send icebergs to black churches so they can learn how to cool themselves off. "oooh, baby, you melting because of the devil." ( laughter ) and did you hear them say that this iceberg is three times the size of paris. i don't actually know how big that is. ( laughter ) and i don't know why the news does that. why are they giving me measurements that require me to travel to europe? so what, now, i have to wander around paris three times to understand? that's not practical. and it's going to get boring. by the first time you see the mona lisa it's interesting. by the third time it's, "why is that creepy lady staring at me?" if you need a creative measurement, it's a giant block of ice, so just tell me what it is in ice terms.
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like, how many frozen margaritas are we talking? that's what i want to know. laugh if you can't be helpful with the news, have some fun with it. "scientists say the glacier is so big it's the size of yo mamma's panties." ooooo"h"! anyway, climate change is going to kill us all. let's move on. airplanes, they used to be a magical way to travel in style, but these days they're so cramped and frustrating it's turning into fight club in the sky. >> reporter: a passenger on a recent american airlines flight says a man assaulted her by continually punching her seat. see that guy back there punching that woman's seat? that is wendi williams sitting in the seat there. she says the man originally asked her to recline up while he ate. she says she obliged. and when the man was done eating she reclined back again and that's when she said he kept hammering away at the back of her seat. you can see him punching, punching, punching. american airlines is aware of this, and they're looking into the issue.
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>> trevor: really, people, this is childish? and i mean, for both of these passengers. first of all, guy punching, if the woman is reclining into your face, you don't hit the back of her seat. come on. grow up. do the mature thing. you call a flight attendant over and you tell them you saw this lady putting drugs up her butt. that's what you do. ( laughter ) and as for the reclining woman, do you really need to recline? does that extra two inches help you relax? there's nothing relaxing about flying. you're trapped inside a bullet full of parts. sit upright for a couple hours. i don't understand these fights. if you ask me, these two passengers shouldn't be mad at each other. they should be mad at the airlines. ones who squeeze all the seats think about it-- they're the ones who squeeze all the seats closer and closer making the rest of us fight for the overhead bins and all the space. pretty soon, flying is going to turn into the "hunger games." yeah, they're going to put one bag of pretzels in the aisles and be like, passengers, lurch
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has been served. may the odds ever be in your favor." running in there killing each other. all right, and finally, do you enjoy those epic wildlife shots where animals are caught in a moment of natural splendor? first of all, congratulations for being basic. and, also, you got to see this one. >> reporter: two mice fighting may not sound like wildlife. try telling that to photographer sam rowley. his image capturing two mice fighting on a london subway platform has won a prestigious award for wildlife photography from london's natural history museum. "station squabble" was picked from more than 48,000 images. rowley says he spent five nights lying on the ground at london's underground stations to capture that moment. >> trevor: yo, that picture is adorable! ( laughter ) how did he catch them fighting like that? i almost wonder if he was going around to the mice and stirring shit up, just like, "yo, he called you stuart little. you going to take that? you going to take that?" ( laughter ) and that fight looks intense. i wonder what they were fighting
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over, you know. was it food? maybe one of the mice kept reclining his seat-- "i told you i need more room!" ( laughter ) what's amazing is that the photographer said he had to lay on the ground for five nights just to get that one shot. yeah. i guess that's london, though, because if he came to new york he would be seeing rats on day one, yeah. ( laughter ) in fact, by day five, the rats would have beaten his ass and taken his camera. ( cheers and applause ) "give me that!" now, a lot of people were surprised that this photo won a wildlife award, but this is wildlife. in fact, i'll be honest-- i've seen enough of the serengeti and the amazon now. i hope the next episode of "planet earth" looks more like this: >> on today's "planet earth," two rats are about to throw down. after a brief tussle, the loser turns his bitch-ass tail to run.
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but the winning rat pursues because you best not start what you can't finish. bitch. ( laughter ) >> trevor: all right, that's it for the headlines. let's move on to our top story. ( cheers and applause ) the democratic primary campaign. when it started, it was all kumbaya, let's beat trump together. but now, it's turned into a season of "game of thrones." everyone backstabbing. the house of bernie has grown in strength and size, while facing a challenge from the kingdom of buttigieg. ( laughter ) meanwhile, the once-powerful lord biden is slowly watching his influence slip away. and don't forget, once they're all done fighting each other, they will have to face off against the ultimate enemy, the white king. but-- ( laughter ) just like "game of thrones," there's one character who's been off in the wings plotting the
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whole time, the imp. you see, national polls now have billionaire mike bloomberg moving into third place and president trump has taken notice of this big little threat and he's already trying to defeat him nay trial by twitter. >> reporter: a twitter war heating up between president trump and one of the men who wants to take his job. the president took aim at former mayor, mike bloomberg, saying, "mini-mike is a 5'4" mass of dead energy who does not want to be on the debate stage with these professional politicians. no boxes, please." bloomberg responded, writing, "we know many of the same people in new york. behind your back, they laugh at you and call you a carnival barking clown. they know you inherited a fortune and squandered it with stupid deals and incompetence. i have the record and the resources to defeat you, and i will." >> trevor: oooooo! ( cheers and applause ) ooooh! oooh! this is crazy! two mega-rich dudes dishing to each other in the most personal way. it would be like if a rap battle
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was on cnbc. and the sad part, the sad part for me is that billionaire fueds used to be so much more dignified, you know. back in the day, it wasn't on twitter. they would be like, "mr. trump, i have commissioned a devastating opera that disparages both you and your lineage." "well, master bloomberg, at this very moment, a team of artesians is sculpting a middle finger from the world's finest italian marble. in eight to nine months, you will be truly owned." but right now, donald trump is the least of mike bloomberg's problems. see the real threat to mike bloomberg's campaign is his past. >> mike bloomberg facing new criticism tonight amid ought audio that has surfaced. >> bloomberg is under fire tonight after a 2015 speech surfaced where he defends his controversial stop-and-frisk policy and explained why cops are put in minority neighborhoods:
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>> trevor: wow. that is not a good look. think about it. while bloomberg is out there trying to win the black vote in 2020, he's on tape in 2015 talking about black people like they're crime pinatas-- just throw them against the wall, see what comes out. could be a gun. too soon a tootsie roll. it's fun. this is not a good look. getting caught on tape encouraging police to arrest black people is definitely going to hurt you with black voters. it's the same way you would lose white voters if a tape came out of you saying that pets aren't the same as babies. yeah, all the pumpkin spice in the world can't save you after that.
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white people would be mad: "this is my baby!" now, if it was just one bad audio clip, maybe, maybe mike bloomberg could get past it and move on. the problem is mayor mike has a long history of defending stop-and-frisk, and now even video clips are coming out. >> reporter: and yet another video clip drops tonight purporting to show mayor mike bloomberg discussing hot topics with racial overtones. >> they just keep saying, "it's a disportionate segment of an ethnic group. i think we disproportionately stop whites too much and minorities too little. >> trevor: yeah, according to mike bloomberg, white people were the real victims of stop-and-frisk. imagine that: black people and latinos spent years, years, saying they were being harassed by the police. and mike bloomberg said, "i hear you. we have been unfair to white people." it almost feels as if mike bloomberg was abraham lincoln
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he would have ended slavery but for the totally wrong reason. like, "we need to end this cruel abomination. too many white people are getting carpal tunnel in their whipping hands. we've got to help them." now, since these clips came out, bloomberg has been facing a lot of pressure to explain himself, and something tells me he's struggling with how to respond. >> campaigning in tennessee today, michael bloomberg expressed regret for comments from 2015 about new york city's controversial stop-and-frisk policy. >> uhm... ( laughter ) >> trevor: i can safely say i've never seen the three typing dots in real life. ( applause ) look at him. you never see him like this. mike bloomberg hasn't been this
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stressed since he got that into that fight in the subway. my bad, i shouldn't have interrupted. i'll let him answer. >> i don't think those words reflect what-- how i led the most diverse city in the nation. and i apologized for the practice and the pain that it caused. >> reporter: so why did you say it? >> it was five years ago, and, you know, it's just not the way that i think, and it's not the way-- doesn't reflect what i do every day. >> trevor: yeah, of course it doesn't reflect what you do every day. you're not the mayor anymore. nobody thinks you're stopping and frisking black people on your personal time. i mean, mostly because you can't reach their pockets. ( laughter ) but, also, it's weird that he tries to dismiss those clips by saying it was five years ago. five years? what difference is that supposed to make for you? "look, five years ago, i was just a 72-year-old man. i didn't know any better. i'm much older now, which
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automatically makes you less racist." ( laughter ) but, clearly, the comments in those clips do reflect what bloomberg was doing as mayor for the simple reason that it's what he did as mayor. you don't have to be a genius to figure this out. as much as bloomberg is trying to reposition himself now that he needs the support of black voters, he encouraged his police department to treat black people like they were all criminals. and even as he keeps trying to apologize, he's never really taking responsibility for what he did, you know. he apologizes for pieces, "i ran in diverse places." he's not saying sorry for what he actually did. it would be like if you got caught cheating and your apology was, "babe i'm so sorry. i'm sorry that i didn't delete those messages from my phone. i should have hid them better. "no, that's not--" "you're right, you're right. i should have smashed in the hotel instead of in our bed. you're right, you're right. i learned my lesson. yup, yup. your friends are off limits. from now on, strangers only, baby, strangers only." ( laughter ) so that's where mike bloomberg is now. as much as he tries to move
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forward and get over this, reporters won't let the story go. they keep hasteling him at events, questioning him about his motives, just trying find any little thing he's done wrong. it must be so frustrating for him. and to that i say, mike bloomberg, welcome to the world of stop and frisk." we'll be right back. ( applause ) we've all been here before. the conference room. the speaker phone. the missing files. not in the room? then you're not in the know. well, this has been nice, but can we not? microsoft teams invites everyone you work with, to work together. be seen, be heard, be there when you're not. share your files, and your opinion. and maybe even a happy little fruit guy. when you're ready to unleash the power of your team, open teams.
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( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." it's february, which means it's black history month. and we're celebrating all month long with roy wood jr. honoring the unsung heroes of black history in another episode of "cp time." ♪ ♪ >> hi. welcome to "cp time," the only show that's for the culture. today, we'll be talking about the history of black entertainers. i know these days you can see black performers on all the biggest stages-- the mtv awards, the grammys, and even on broadway. i once paid $1,000 for tickets to see "hamilton." turns out they was a fake. apparently, they don't print broadway tickets on the back of jamba juice receipts. lesson learned. but what a lot of people don't
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know is back in the day, the biggest stage only allowed white performers, and so many black performers actually got their start on the chitlin' circuit, which was the name given to a network of theaters and clubs where black performers could play for black audiences. ♪ ♪ it was like b.e.t., but without all the "martin" reruns. ( laughter ) the chitlin' circuit was first established in indianapolis by denver ferguson, a man who looks like chris rock in the new season of "fargo." ferguson started the chitlin' circuit as a way to launder money from illegal lottery games, but it unexpectedly became a huge success. that's right-- by trying to break the law, ferguson accidentally started an artistic revolution. it was like the time i tried to vandalize my ex-wife's apartment and ended up launching the street art movement-- banksy, my ass. the chitlin' circuit went on to launch the careers of legends, like aretha franklin, marvin gay, and duke ellington.
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without duke ellington, we we wouldn't have legends like kenny g. the boy may look fubby, but i made all my favorite children to the sound of his saxophone. "g" is for "goddamn, that's smoking." i actually have tickets to see kenny g. this weekend. oh, wait, these are for "linergy." lenny g. i have to stop buying my tickets from uber drivers. they're good seats, though. the chitlin' circuit also launched one of the biggest crossover artists of all time, little richard. we all remember his smash hit "tutti frutti." everyone was singing the ♪ a-wop-bop-a-loo-lop a-lop-bam-boo ♪ but what you might not know is that little richard had to rewrite the original lyrics to "tutti frutti" to make them less sexually charged for white audiences. the original lyrics to the song went like this: these are the real lyrics.
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"tutti frutti, good booty. if it don't fit, don't force it. you can--" goddamn, little richard. you're filthy. and i like it. ( laughter ) another man who was vital to the success of the chitlin' circuit was don robey, a music promoter and the first black music mogul. unfortunately, robey did not have the best reputation. he was known as the "gangster of gospel," because on several occasions he pulled a gun on gospel artists and demanded their publishing rights. that's right. he held up gospel singers-- in fact, that's where gospel singers got this move from. "oh, lord! jesus!" ( laughter ) don robey's ruthless business tactics paved the way for black record moguls like suge knight, a man who i have nothing bad to say about, because i do not like being murdered. ( laughter )
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that's all the time we have for today. i'm roy wood jr. this has been "cp time." remember, for the culture. here to play us out, the one and only lenny g. hit it, lenny. ♪ ♪ i feel another baby coming on! ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: roy wood jr., everybody. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) you can't put a price on love.
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but if you did, it'd cost the exact same as a reese's. turns out love's kinda inexpensive. not sorry. reese's. awwww yeah. that's the stuff. no really. those are the actual ingredients. ♪ funky rock track tostitos. [crunch] get to the good stuff.
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( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is an actor, comedian, and co-creator of the hit netflix series "big mouth." his new movie is called "olympic dreams." >> we snowboard half pipe. >> snowboard half pipe. and you guys all know each other a long time? >> yeah, we're homeys. >> you guys are homeys? that's nice. i have a group of friends i've been tight with since college. we all kind of live in different cities now. just about everybody is married. one of my buddies is divorced. he's got a kid. just don't want to make that mistake, and then end up in a position where you're like, "did i marry the right person." right? are you guys married? any of you guys together-- no. >> single. >> single, single? how is the single life here at the games? >> it's good. >> yeah? yeah? say braaa...
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>> trevor: please welcome nick kroll. ( cheers and applause ) > trevor: welcome to the show, my friend. >> thank you. >> trevor: i'm not going to lie, this is one of the stranger movies that i've watched, and i enjoyed it. >> oh, good. >> trevor: i really did. >> thank you. >> trevor: there were moments when i was watching, like, wait, when it starts, is this a documentary? and i was like, no, that's nick kroll. and then the film goes on-- just to help me understand here. this is a movie about you-- you're playing a dentist. >> correct. i'm not an actual dentist in real life. >> trevor: right. you're playing a dentist who is at the winter olympics. >> yes. >> trevor: but all of this actually happened at the winter olympics? >> yeah. so i made this movie with a couple, alexi pappas and jeremy teicher. alexi is a summer olympian. she ran at rio. they got a grant from the olympic committee to go and make
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some art at the winter games. they brought me in to be a part of it. and i helped them sort of shape the script a little bit. about two weeks before the olympics, i signed on to do it. and then we flew to korea and shot a movie, just the three of us, no crew, inside of the olympics. >> trevor: wait, no crew? >> no crew. it was just the three of us. so i was lugging a dentist chair around korea. ( laughter ) because we had no crew, because we were shooting inside the olympic village. >> trevor: right. >> so they don't give out passes to very many people to get inside the olympic village. >> trevor: right! >> because we were part of the olympics, we had access to an element of the olympic games that nobody's ever really seen before. >> trevor: i've never seen pieces of the olympic village the way i saw them in this film. like, i've watched documentaries about the olympics. i've seen behind the scenes, before the events. you never see the olympic village where the athletes just eat. >> those guys i'm interviewing are real snowborders on the olympic team and i'm a dentist
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giving them dental exams interviewing them. one girl can be called up, she didn't make the olympics and got a call halfway through the olympics that someone was injured and she was getting called up to appear in the olympic games and showed up in the middle. >> trevor: this is an insane way to shoot a movie. >> it was an insane way to spend two and a half weeks. it was so cold. it was insane. >> trevor: what did it feel like to be definitively the least athletic person in, like, a mile radius? like, everyone else there is an athlete, everyone-- and i mean everyone. >> everywhere. >> trevor: and then there was you. >> mike pence was there as well. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> trevor: he was at the olympics, yes! >> yeah. looking hick. >> trevor: he can feel you saying that. stop it. ( laughter ) let's talk a little bit about "big mouth." >> yeah. >> trevor: one of my favorite shows of all time, animated series on netflix. you're teaching kids about sex. you're teaching kids about, like, hormones, growing up,
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like, you know, gender dynamics, everything. the show has just been renewed for a third season-- three more seasons, actually, congratulations. >> thank you very much. thank you. >> trevor: three more seasons. ( applause ) i'm truly fascinated about how you even began to think about a show doing what it's doing right now. >> well, you know, part of the way i thought of it was i didn't. ( laughter ) in that my partners, andrew goldberg and mark levin and jen flacket, brought me the idea. it just felt right to do a show about puberty. and as we continued to grow it we realized it's a show not just about these two boys but a bunch of different boys and girls and sexual development and adolescence and pube puberty on a much grander scale. >> trevor: you learn things you think about as a kid. everyone knows that feeling, "shame on you." >> i was actually talking about
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mike pence about that. >> trevor: don't do it! don't do it! thank you so much for coming on the show. "olympic dreams" will be in theaters and on demand february 14. nick kroll, everybody. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) i'm wondering if it's not too early in the night to kiss you. it wasn't too early. [ laughing ] what was it like? it felt like we'd kissed before. why you got your head down like you praying? because i might need to. what would you pray for? willpower. ♪ cause i love you i'm afraid to love you. you don't have to be afraid. what y'all do when the power went out today? she did the little sip and smile thing like. t-mobile's new offer on iphone 11 is even better on our newest most powerful signal. switch to t-mobile now, and get 2 lines of unlimited for only $90 and 2 iphone 11s on us.
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( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: all right, everybody, that's our show for tonight. thank you so much for tuning in. just a quick reminder if you're in albany, new york, or charlottesville, virginia, i'll see you at my "loud & clear" tour. first, here it is, your moment of zen. >> just a few other places to look for. most of the people-- i've stretching this out. i'm going to stretch it out again. i'm going to pull this up, stretch it out. i'm going to stretch this out a little bit. i'm going to stretch the state out a little bit. i just want to stretch this map out a little bit. stretch it out a little bit. if you pull it out and stretch it a little bit. stretch it out a little bit so people can see it a little better.


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