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tv   Book Discussion on Becoming Grandma  CSPAN  July 19, 2016 9:00pm-9:41pm EDT

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he is part of a hip-hop team and is funny and comes up with things that are moving. so, yeah, you sort of have to be on your toes when you're with the guy, but he is also a friend. so that's part of the -- one of the thing is love about the guy, it just never stops. thank god because if it stops we wouldn't have holiday "hamilton." >> thank you. >> i have to say that everything that jeremy just said about lin, i would say about jeremy. really. he is remarkable, and i'm so honored to know him and that he is here to tell our story. so, thank you very much. [applause] >> and jeremy will be signing books. these beautiful books. right outside. thanks. >> you can find out more
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information good give us your feedback, printers row litfest.or [applause] [inaudible conversations] [applause] [inaudible conversations] this. >> and parts of the george h. to be bush administration and she helps on the sunday morning program "face the
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nation" and 80 years of five years ago she took on her most important and rewarding job of grandmother. hernew book becoming granma explore is how becoming a grandparent can truly transform a woman and the men we will talk about bad and her amazing career but please help me too well, leslie stahl. [applause] before we get to the book your colleague officially announced on wednesday that he is stepping down from "60 minutes" after 40 years. what your thoughts? >> garett is a sad this when people are the heart and soul almost for the beginning he has done the
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signature stories of 60 minutes where you say nobody else would do a story like that he had a twinkle in his eye and was a beautiful land whimsical writer that you don't please see on television. i have known him since he was the cbs bureau chief in london 1969. i dated myself. [laughter] he was always a person that cared of the journalism side of what we do and he will really be missed he is in the book not the police say the book but he is in there the book becoming grandmother.
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>> a think there is a one-hour special coming up of all his stories i tend to ask doctors when they appear and when and why do you decide to write the book? using the user can be found in that title itself? >> yes. there was a publisher in new york who asked me to lunch you talked me into doing another book. i had written another one about my journalism career here in washington with up president he wanted me to write a book about "60 minutes" and i thought if i really told the back story they would fire me if not they would not talk to me. [laughter] so we were stuck having lunch together my granddaughter was one years old at the time he talked
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bader and talk to bader said do that that is what you're thinking about what you care about and i went away i figured it would sustain my interest i didn't stop working in new would take years to write to but it did hold my interest. >> host: would you first learned your daughter was pregnant with her first child what are your initial thoughts knowing you'd be a grandparent? >> i was thrilled. i discovered in the interview a lot of parents that if you are young leading 50 or less your child says he will be a grandparent you look in the mirror and say no.
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that with my case your daughter makes you wait. [laughter] i thought i would never be a grandparent. she made me wait so long that i was thrilled with real thrilled. so was my husband. >> so we will start with jordan would is in the picture? >> there is another reason i wanted to write the book. item holding her i think that is the first time i was holding her. a couple of things are happening. i am just looking at her i am hopelessly have fallen off a cliff. the subtitle is the joys and science of the new grandparenting" and i discovered him in my
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research grandmother's actually secrete a hormone it is known as the bonding hormone and i embody with that child is called oxytocin. i had an extraordinary deep and emotion and course through me. i wanted to know what that was everybody told me there is nothing better than being a grandparent. i have heard that in her that but nobody talks about the emotion. it is a kind of loving and like any other and i wanted to find out what that was. besides the surge of hormones a really truly changes us purpose. >> was going to mention talk
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about the research that you did and how you studied the science. >> that was the big question in from the beginning and what is going on? i discovered a book called the the female brain that i recommend. she talks about the chemistry of women at every stage of their life children or teenagers or mothers and grandmothers. the grandmother part was very short so i did jessica was a "60 minutes" story in called her on the floating a contributor. i said it is cleaned of crazy but i feel that i have fallen in love and the classic sense. she laughed and said the unit did because the pathway
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of the neurons of romantic a boy girl loved and the pathway for baby love is the same. see you are feeling something very similar. >> in a few years later came along to more. would have the same feeling? i thought i would not because it doesn't happen twice but of course, it does. and i bonded with her also. >> here is a picture. >> that is more recent. i find a long that many changes that take place of grandmothers and grandfathers, we cannot say no to our grandchildren. the matter how critical we
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were as parents or how much we were on their case, grandparents love uncritically, and conditionally, and we never say no. it is always yes. i hated going to the park with my daughter in pushing that swing. [laughter] and my grand children want to go to the parts i and they're pushing the swing. anything they wanted to. >> there is my daughter. we're at the easter egg roll at the white house. >> q touched on it and what is different from your daughter for sister grandchild? >> women you are a parent from the very minute they
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are born you worry. parents don't ever really sleep purview have more than one it could be 25 to because it is perpetual. we feel responsible. mothers, when they give birth create a hormone that makes them vigilant. so in a way they are almost fearfully in them that goes on. i remember all i ever did i covered the white house and made a list analyst of my list per car was so afraid i would forget. you can be a disciplinary and because you try to get your children in shape for life but with the grandchild is just simply joyful period. it is automatic.
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we don't think about it. it happens to us. it is almost universal. i have met grandparents that are not that way but mostly with most of us turn into marshmallows. i do think it is part of the physiological change. >> you also talk about the role of grandparents and how they have changed. >> over millennia. because in the way back old-- caveman times both parents which out and hunted and left the baby is with granma. she was responsible basically for raising the babies. that is the way mankind developed for presley became more and more civilized grandpa was still in the household didn't it is still
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the case in china in and india. but before the industrial revolution for the most part. of chromatid not live in the house and, she lived very nearby. i know that when grandparents don't live near there grandchildren or see them a lot we actually physically crave them because we are meant to be in their lives. it is in our bones because that is the way humanity developed us. >> of course, economic pressures can involve a change with the role of grandparents. uc have a growing population are now custodial. >> let's talk about two different sides. all growing out of the recession. that had a splintering effect on the millenials and
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our kids to have young kids to get good jobs or make a good living. it takes to parents now. to basically earn what one and grandmother berndt -- earned going back to my generation. in child care so hideously expensive and then trouble buying things. so i came up bomb the statistic i have heard so many great things but grandparents are spending seven times more on their grandchildren today. they pay for medical care, education, straighteni ng their teeth, we are in and they're buying, not to
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raise but big-ticket items. cribs. car seats. we are involved that way and if we are nearby to take off the bird and. but custodial, there is a seriously sizable chunk of grandparents in the united states today who are raising their grandchildren did have custody. there are many reasons. drug addiction. jail. death. there is another good reason. but grandparents can be surprised one day when they just retired thinking of taking a cruise or going golfing and find out they are raising three me little babies and it is not that
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uncommon and it is hard. my sister-in-law is a psychologist and hassle of these custodial grandparents as rapacious says they are the unsung hero because they are amongst us and they are really struggling. it is hard. but yet it is another interesting thing. whoever is raising the kids becomes the disciplinary and. if you need a grandparent who is helping to raise the children they are not as progressive as others. >> you have whole chapter devoted to a very special place and use a five dash for a reporter who is supposed to stand on the sidelines keeping our opinions to ourselves and emotions holstered well screw that. [laughter]
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so tell us what makes this place so special. >> it is a planned community founded and developed by a single woman who was riding her ph.d. thesis in the foster care system in the state of illinois and receiving child after child rejected by the foster parents and shuffled from one family to another to another and was breaking her heart to so she decided that if foster parents lived in a compound to gather there would not give up because the other families would help them and support them. so she talked the pentagon into giving her son beautiful homes on the air force base that was being shut down. she wanted 12th houses and found 12 families to take in and adopt -- the foster
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family sometimes taking in for kids to love them forever. adopt. the pentagon said we cannot give you 12 homes that is ridiculous you have to take a section so they gave her 885 / 21 to 12. she got 88 gorges homes at to moderate $50,000. each one would cost $250,000. she put advertisements in newspapers and said for those who are retired and wanted to downsize. you can live here very, very those subsidized rent.
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people from all over the country and fill up the houses. organically they became the grandparents of the kids who were troubled. everyone was troubled and the kids would choose their grandparents. they didn't have to but they did and called them grandma and grandpa began day also helped the family's struggle through difficult times. i tell a story of one man who lived there. he was told he wouldn't live more than a year when he arrived. he had heart problems but he lived here lived and lived in the cuban grandfather. there was a ball a tile young kid who was kicked out of a lot of schools, a troublemaker, punching the air their kids.
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this grandfather would go to school with the boys every day and sit next to him to calm him down and get him through school. he did. >> we do want to get to some questions we do have microphones. major he and. this book is also about grandfather's. by the way there is lesley stahl daughter taylor. >> within the first hour. but there's also grandfather is a and there is your husband. >> one of the things i discovered going back to the science that taking care of grandchildren for a man can lift depression, make
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someone better and certainly makes them happier. my husband has parkinsons. the weirdest thing happened. right after jordan was born his symptoms disappeared. but what happened? did he not have that? we went from doctor to doctor to find out once said he had a virus. but one year he was a symptom free. he couldn't drive but was driving again. he was walking ahead of me he had to give that up. of course, it did come back.
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but that is dramatic. i dunno if it is because of jordan that we cannot think of anything else. here's the of the thing about grandfather's. they are sitting at these little tables with their grandchildren and having tea parties with the little balls and rolling on the floor with their grandson. my husband was a very good and devoted father you hear people say i didn't know might father that while growing up but looking at him with my kids. >> great job. >> i have spent watching nuisance i was younger. i am here with my mom having
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a weekend away i came along later but one of the things that i read about was grandparents' longevity. there was a study done they talked about the blue areas of the world with their living to the ages of 100 and above that is the areas where the grandparents are actively involved with the families. i think in our society as a whole if there's one child the lives in this part of the country or in that part of the country where they are independent and we lose up part of fact from when somebody gets sick. so i guess it just channels on to what you say.
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>> might grant children live in a los angeles and i live in new york but it is a trend that happens and it has become a big movement of people then they be tired to pick up and sell the house they live in 50 years living and leaving friends a community to repeat here the grandchildren to be in their life. and help to raise their grandchildren. there is an imperative by called it a craving before but we don't want to visit. >> so do you feel it is a trend now we have gone through the expansion everybody does their own failings stowe now it is not a consumer oriented society and get back to our roots?
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>> data know about the consumer side but i do feel about there is an almost compulsion of overflow. some of the younger folks are not thrilled that mother-in-law will move into the house. so what i say in the book is what i feel is dealt moved to close. not to end to the house but a nearby. they need our help the matter how bad the relationship is, sucking up it is good for the kids. there would really benefit from having grandparents. a grandfather's actual job is to tell the little kids about the history of the family. to give them a sense that they come from something.
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when we live in the familial compounds that was natural. multi generational living together to talk about my mother, my grandmother. moving to the united states and where we came from. if there are benefits for a child this unconditional love, every petty needs to have that in their life and that is the grandparents job to let them know there is an relenting and loves -- to love the unlovable. >> c-span is filming this so i want to talk politics with hillary clinton and donald trump or both grandparents. one of them will be in the white house. e there would be the first to be a grandparent in she
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since george h. w. bush. >> there is a lot of grandparents but i write about fdr and he would have his boarding staff meeting in his bedroom and would be eating breakfast on a tray on a bad habit cabinet members, treasury secretary for policy advisor, all assistance, and when his daughter got divorced she moved in to the white house with two little kids. five a and six years old they would burst into the room in the middle of the staff meeting. all lot. not just once he would say get in the bed. one would be here and there and in the middle of the staff meeting read the funnies to them and that was
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a big deal in those days. he acted out all the characters in the treasury secretary would be rolling his eyes. he was a delightful grandfather and doting and indulgent. i discovered that eleanor was a distant grandmother parker she proves the rule but franklin's mother, the great-grandmother sarah, she was the indulgent permissive fund and a loving grandmother. >> let's go back to politics. when you leave new hillary would run for president i
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thought that age would become an issue for her. and in fact, marco rubio is making it an issue. that is going. trumpet is older they and hillary. and the three leading candidates are all grandparents. if i have a theory that the baby boomers have devoted their lives to the young. . .
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i am hoping this book gets rid of that stigma. first of all, bb boomers. we are such a giant bulge in the society. we are all going to be grandparents soon, a huge number. we've determined attitude and culture, whatever age we've been, and we are going to change attitude towards grandparenting and i hope my book helps with that. scenic i was wondering what advice do you have for either parents or grandparents or both when they have a disagreement about how a kid should be raised? >> that is an excellent question. this isn't an advice book, by the way.
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me giving advice about mothering or a grandmother in the, you don't want to listen to my advice, because i was a working mother. i don't even know how i held it together. but i do write a lot and a lot of anecdotes about how the balance of power shifts the minute that grandparent is born. and we know they hold the key to the thing we want most on this planet which is those babies and we are too afraid of antagonizing the worst sentence in the world for a grandparent is don't come over today or visit next week because we want to hold the kids so we are all walking on eggshells. sometimes you can't hold your tongue. it's unbearable.
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i couldn't understand that they were leaving her in the crib to scream. we didn't do that and i swear i didn't say a word. my husband said to me i can't believe how critical you were. maybe he says this five times. we didn't do this with you and you turned out okay. but generally my impression, grandmothers i think, and grandfathers should hold. i think this generation is doing a better job than mine. we are the first wave into the
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workplace. we were barely holding it together. we didn't get the balance quite right. they are putting more weight on the family. >> they held thei >> they held their tongue this weekend i have to say. i have two questions. do you find there are some advantages to living in a different citflighting infrequeg permissive grandparents? >> i find no advantage to living across the country.
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if and when i retire i thought about moving there, i don't know that i work because i love living in new york but i've thought a lot about it. i don't think it's an advantage for anybody, our age group for children and no matter what the relationship is, we can help our kids, no matter how bad the relationship we can still hope for kids. >> we have time for a couple more questions. >> this is a question for the next project my mother-in-law who died about a year ago at the age of 98 sat down with her adult children and a somewhat less adult grandchildren and recorded nine hours of memories
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of her life. the grandchildren sat around the table and asked questions and talked about her childhood. she spent her entire career helping children so this is easy for her to do. those recorded hours a our children and her grandchildren and great-grandchildren love to listen to the recordings. perhaps write about that in your next book. >> i am hearing such great things after i wrote the book that i wish were in their. >> what do your grandchildren call you? >> what do my grandchildren call me? this is huge. i wanted to be grainy.
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my daughter said you're not going to be. no, you're not. i thought if my grandfather -- all of my mother's grandchildren called her by her name. they tried to say leslie so i thought it might come out wally. he said if you are de wholley benign path so we are lollipop. [laughter] one day the 5-year-old is said you're lollipop. [laughter] >> leslie will be signing copies of her book outside of the studio. i think i heard a story about
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this photograph and how that was taken so wonderfully the kids are sitting quietly reading. >> if the older one was paying attention the little one was jumping up and down the. they couldn't get them to cooperate so we taped an iphone into the book. [laughter] >> that's truth in advertising. >> last few questions i want to talk about your career and getting your start and your first big break.
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>> i was hired because of affirmative action. i'i've been a reporter in boston and affirmative-action came into force. i heard all three networks were desperately looking for women and minorities, so i applied and i was hired in washington. within a couple of weeks from my arriving, at the democratic party at watergate nobody thought it was a story so they decided it's the democratic headquarters. the arraignment came two or three days later. they sent me to cover and there was one other reporter there, bob woodward. he told me all along the don't ever let them take the story away from you. >> you celebrated your 25th
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anniversary. how do you explain the power of the? >> we really haven't changed the way we do our work of the subject matter. even the clock is the same and the fact that we are still in the top ten shows you that there's a huge appetite for serious balanced reporting. we are not supposed to tell you where you're comin we are cominr own mind. i think the public appreciates that. a ververy hard to find now. part of the model is that we get time to think.
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if you are reporting today you are putting it out on twitter. it takes us weeks and months to put our stories together int ana good story needs that. >> i want to thank you for joining us today. [applause] once again we are going to go back here but leslie will be signing copies. donald trump received the nomination of the republican party from mike pence at a campaign rally at 2 p.m. on c-span


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