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tv   White House Correspondents Association Dinner Speech Highlights  CSPAN  April 23, 2016 10:00pm-10:54pm EDT

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of speeches by president obama at the event over the last few years. but first, we will talk to the senior white house correspondent for mcclatchy news. thanks for joining us. the whitehe best of house correspondents' association from 2013 to 2014, so you have a chance to sit beside the president during that event. how was that? ,id you get any juicy tidbits or was it mostly small talk? off the but it was record, so i can't report it. i knew what he shot in golf that day. little distracting, because i have in front of me a .alendar at 4:00 p.m., you have to
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introduce the marine band, at eight: oh 7 p.m., you have to do this. i was going back and forth with chatting with him about golf and paying attention to my other job. by the way, our viewers can watch that particular speech with president obama and remarks by our guest on our website, c-span.org. all the whiteatch house correspondents' dinner's that we have covered over the years. president obama has made a lot of self-deprecating jokes over the years. several topics come up repeatedly, including his birth certificate. who typically writes the monologues for president obama, and how would you say he has done, performance wise, over the years? >> i think he has gotten better each year. i think for the first year or two he was ok, but the last couple of years he was terrific. he has grown into it, grow more comfortable.
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the white house speechwriting staff starts writing jokes down all year round. obviously, they write newer ones as we get closer to the dinner. we should look back and see how many trump jokes the president has made over the last few years. by speeches are written professionals. they have consultants in washington. and they go to hollywood. stephen colbert has weighed in, this white house. the writers of saturday night live have weighed in. they have the best in the business. you hear as many groans as laughs. the you think the president cares what the audience thinks, if they approve of his humor? >> no. particularly the three i have worked with closely, clinton, george w. bush, and barack obama, are pretty polished
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politicians and can go with the flow. mocking laughs a like, that didn't work, let's move on. how do you think president obama will approach this final dinner? they are all gracious. since reagan, every president has come to the dinner. like theter did not white house correspondents' association by name and the.com, a couple of times. that they are all very gracious. and we are beating the heck out of them over a scandal or bad poll numbers, they come, they listen to jokes about them. but i think from what i have learned in the past and present, sometimes it is a little work to be there that night, but i think you will be glad.
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there was an interview i did with him for the history channel that he was like wants to go to the dinner and just laugh at other people's jokes and not have to work, not be the performer. in 2011, that particular speech occurred just before the osama bin laden raid. what was different about that speech by president obama? steve: it was very interesting. a debate in the top echelons of the administration whether he should even go to the dinner, because the seal team was about to be in harm's way. we know that 10-secretary of state hillary clinton thought she could not -- thought she should -- thought he could not go. in fact, she was rather profane in her message. but he came, and we also know that there were only four or five people in the room. n-secretarya, the
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of defense, said he would make eye contact with one or two people and the president, and they would have a knowing look about what was going on. host: thanks very much for being with us. going to portions of president obama's white house correspondents' dinner speeches over the years, beginning with his dispersed -- beginning with his first speech in 2009. michael steele is in the house tonight. or as he would say, in the hee zy. [laughter] pres. obama: what's up? [laughter] [applause] pres. obama: where is michael? from last time, the republican party does not qualify for a bailout.
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[laughter] countobama: that does not as a troubled asset, i'm sorry. [laughter] pres. obama: dick cheney was supposed to be here, but he isn't. he is busy working on his memoirs, tentatively titled "how to shoot friends and interrogate people." [laughter] pres. obama: you know, it has been a whirlwind of activity, these first 100 days. we have enacted major economic recovery packages, we have passed a budget, we have forged a new path in iraq, and no president in history has ever named three commerce secretaries this quickly. [laughter] me,. obama: which reminds if judge reagan is here, your business cards are ready now. [laughter]
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pres. obama: on top of that, i have also reversed the ban on stem cell research, signed an expansion -- [applause] pres. obama: signed an expansion for children's health insurance. and driver"ek, "car named me auto executive of the year, something am very proud of. [laughter] we have also begun to change the coulter in washington. we have made the white house a place where people can learn -- the culture in washington. we have made the white house a place where people can learn. on theappointed a chair white house counsel for women and girls. and i do appreciate that larry is here tonight, because it is seven hours past his bedtime. [laughter] that one.a: he liked
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in the last 100 days, we have also grown the democratic party by infusing it with new energy and bringing in fresh, young faces, like arlen specter. [laughter] [applause] pres. obama: joe biden rightly deserves a lot of credit for convincing arlen to make the switch. but secretary clinton had a lot to do with it, too. one day she pulled him aside and said, arlen, you know what i always say, if you can't beat them, join us. [laughter] pres. obama: which brings me to another thing that has changed in this new, warmer, fuzzier white house. that is my relationship with hillary. thead been rivals during
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campaign, but these days we cannot be closer. in fact, the second she got back from mexico, she pulled me into a hug and gave me a big kiss, told me i had better get down there myself. so i really appreciate that. that was nice. [laughter] pres. obama: and of course, we have also begun to change america's image in the world. we have renewed alliances with important partners and friends. if you look at the screen, there i am with the japanese prime minister. brown. am with gordon as i said during the campaign, we cannot just talk to her friends. we also have to talk to our enemies. i have begun to do exactly that. [laughter]
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let me be clear, just because he handed me a copy of "peter pan" does not mean i am going to read it. it is just a dramatic practice to accept these gifts -- diplomatic practice to accept these gifts. not all change has been easy. change never is. i have cut the tension by bringing new friends to the white house. cuddly, loyal, enthusiastic. we just have to keep him on a tight leash. every once in a while, he goes charging in the wrong direction and gets himself into trouble. enough about joe biden. [laughter] pres. obama: all in all, we are proud of the change we brought to washington in these first one hundred days, but we have a lot of work left to do, as all of
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you know, so i would like to talk a little bit about what my administration plans to achieve will stop during the second -- plans to achieve. during the second 100 days, we will open and dedicate a library to my first 100 days. [laughter] pres. obama: in the next 100 days, i will learn to go off the prompter and joe biden will learn to stay on the prompter. [laughter] in the next 100 days, my bipartisan outreach will be so successful, that even will consider becoming a democrat. after all, we have a lot in common. he is a person of color. [laughter] pres. obama: although not a color that appears in the natural world. [laughter] what's up, john?
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[applause] pres. obama: in the next 100 days, i will meet with a leader who rules over millions with an iron fist. allses his power to crush who challenges of authority at the ballot box. good to see you, mayor bloomberg. [laughter] pres. obama: in the next 100 days, we will house train our dog bo. he needs isng someone treating him like a fire hydrant -- the last thing anyone needs is someone treating him like a fire under them. [laughter] pres. obama: in the next 100 days, i will strongly consider losing my cool. [laughter] [applause] finally, i believe
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that my next 100 days will be so successful, i will be able to complete them in 72 days. and on the 73rd day, i will rest. [laughter] [applause] pres. obama: thank you so much, and to all the other board guests, andhonored to the lovely first lady. [laughter] -- [applause] pres. obama: good evening. right, i work a lot, so i was not sure if i should actually come. biden talked me into it. [laughter] pres. obama: he leaned over and he said, "mr. president --" [laughter] pres. obama: this is no ordinary
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dinner. p] meal!a big [bee [applause] [laughter] pres. obama: it has been quite a last.ince i spoke here ,ots of ups, lots of downs except for my approval ratings, which have just gone down. [laughter] pres. obama: but that's politics, it doesn't bother me. know my approval ratings are still very high in the country of my birth. [laughter] [applause] pres. obama: and just the other
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day, my dear friend hillary clinton told me -- pulled me aside and gave me a pep talk. barack,, don't worry, you are likable enough. [laughter] pres. obama: which made me feel better. of course, i may not have had the star power that i once had, but in m defense, neither do all of you. [laughter] pplae] pres. obama: people say to me, revivesident, you helped the banking industry. you helped save gm and chrysler. what about the news business? i have to explain, hey, i'm just the president. i'm not a miracle worker. [laughter] i am glada: though that the only person whose ratings felt more than my last
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year is here tonight. great to see you, jay. [laughter] [applause] pres. obama: i am also glad that i am speaking first. we have all seen what happens when somebody takes the timeslot after 11:00. [applause] jay leno: good night, everyone! pres. obama: by the way, all the jokes tonight are brought to you by our friends at goldman sachs -- [laughter] pres. obama: you don't have to worry, they make money whether you laugh or not. [laughter] pres. obama: we do have a number
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of notable guests in attendance tonight. obviously, i am most pleased that michelle accompanied me. she does not always go to these things. and there are -- [applause] pres. obama: there are a few finds that are harder to and more important to keep them love.-- than well, love and your birth certificate. [laughter] pres. obama: the jonas brothers are here. they are out there somewhere. sasha and malia are huge fans. but boys, the get any ideas. i have two big words for you, predator drones. you will never see them coming. [laughter]
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pres. obama: you think i'm joking. [laughter] pres. obama: speaking of tween heartthrob's, scott brown is here, i -- [applause] i admire scott. a politician in washington with nothing to hide. [laughter] now, you should be aware that scott brown is not the only one with a fallacious total spread floating around. david axelrod was offered a centerfold opportunity of his own. i did not know the krispy kreme had a catalog. [laughter] pres. obama: but it's true. i saw michael steele backstage
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when we were taking pictures, a.k.a. notorious gop. [laughter] [applause] pres. obama: michael knows what truly plagues america today, taxation without representin'. [laughter] brotha.ama: my [applause] i did a similar routine last year, but it always works. flies arehat the here. [laughter] not beenma: there have people that were more unwelcome at a party since charlie crist. [gasps] [laughter] pres. obama: unfortunately, john
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mccain couldn't make it. recently he claimed that he had never identified himself as a maverick, and we all know what s in arizona when you don't have id. audios. -- adios! [laughter] [applause] pres. obama: look, i feel for john. we were on the road together, obviously had a hard-fought battle. you learn of the national level, politics is an easy. at the national level, politics is not easy. my share of had disappointments. for example, i had my heart on the nobel prize for physics. [laughter] hey. obama: but, you can't win them all. [laughter] pres. obama: as some of you
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heard, the state of hawaii released my official long-form birth certificate. hopefully this puts all doubts to rest. but just in case there are any tonight iquestions, am prepared to go a step further. inight, for the first time, am releasing my official earth video -- birth video. [laughter] pres. obama: now, i warned you, no one has seen this footage in 50 years, not even me. but let's take a look.
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♪ life" from the lion king plays] >> ♪ it's the circle of life and it moves us all through this -- ♪ [beeping] [laughter] [applause] pres. obama: oh well. back to square one. i want to make clear to the foxnews table, that was a joke. [laughter]
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pres. obama: that was not my real birth video. that was a children's cartoon. [laughter] called disney if you don't believe me. they have the original longform version. [laughter] pres. obama: anyway, it's good to be back with so many esteemed guests, celebrities, senators, journalists, essential government employees. nonessential government employees will stop you know who you are. -- nonessential government employees. you know who you are. i am looking forward to set myers tonight. ers tonight. [laughter] pres. obama: he is a fresh, young face who can do no harm in
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the eyes of his fans. i think it is fair to say that when it comes to my presidency, the honeymoon is over. [laughter] pres. obama: for example, some people now suggest that i am too professorial, and i would like to address that had on by assigning all of you some reading that will help you draw your own conclusions. [laughter] others say that i am arrogant, that i found a really great self-help tool for .his [laughter] even let down my key core constituency, movie stars. damonhe other day, matt -- i love matt damon, love the
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guy -- matt damon said he was disappointed in my performance. well, matt, i just saw "the adjustment bureau," so -- [laughter] [applause] pres. obama: i also can count on someone who always has my support, michelle. [applause] pres. obama: we made a team at the easter egg hunt this week. i would hand out candy to the kids, and she would snatch them right out of their little hands. [laughter]
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pres. obama: snatch them. and where is the national public radio table? you guys are still here. that's good. i can't remember where we landed on that. [laughter] pres. obama: i know you were a little tense when the gop tried to cut your funding, but personally i was looking forward to new programming like "no things considered." [laughter] wait,obama: or, "wait, don't find me." -- fund me." [laughter] course, the of deficit is a serious issue. that's why paul ryan cannot be here. his budget has no room for laughs. [laughter]
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pres. obama: michele bachmann is here, i understand, and she is thinking about running for president, which is weird because i hear she was born in canada. [laughter] pres. obama: yes, michelle, this is how it starts. [applause] pres. obama: tim pawlenty. he seems all-american, but have you heard his real middle name? what a shame. [laughter] buddy, our: my outstanding ambassador jon huntsman is with us.
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there is something you might not know about jon. he did not learn to speak chinese to go there. oh, no. he learned english to come here. [laughter] [applause] pres. obama: and then, there is a vicious rumor floating around that i think could really hurt mitt romney. universal passed health care when he was governor of massachusetts. [laughter] pres. obama: someone should get to the bottom of that, and i know just the guy to do it, donald trump! [applause] i know that he has taken some flack lately, but no one is happier, no one is prouder to put this purchase to get -- to put this birth
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certificate matter to rest them than the donald. that's because he can finally get back to focusing on the issues that matter, like, did we faked the moon landing? [laughter] pres. obama: what really happened in roswell? tupac?re are biggie and [laughter] [applause] pres. obama: all kidding aside, we obviously know about your credentials and read the experience. -- breadth of experience. [laughter] pres. obama: for example, in an episode of "celebrity apprentice," at a steakhouse, the men's cooking team did not impress the judges from omaha steaks. med there was a lot of bla
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to go around, but you, mr. trump, recognized that the problem was a lack of leadership, and so you did not jon, you fired gary busy. [laughter] pres. obama: and these are the kinds of decisions that would keep me up at night. [applause] pres. obama: well handled, sir. well handled. mr. trump, he certainly will bring some change to the white house. show you what we've got up there. [laughter]
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pres. obama: but the problem is, that the media landscape is changing so rapidly. you can't keep up with it. i remember what buzzfeed was something i did in college around 2:00 a.m. [laughter] it's true. [laughter] recently, i have found a new favorite source for political news. these guys are great. i think everybody here should check it out. they tell it like it is. whitehouse.gov. i cannot get enough of it. [laughter] pres. obama: the fact is, i really do respect the press. i recognize that the press and i do. different jobs to my job is to be president. humble. is to keep me frankly, i think i'm doing my job better.
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[laughter] part of the problem is everybody is so cynical. constantly feeding cynicism, suspicion, conspiracies. you remember a few months ago, my administration put out a me going skeet shooting at camp david. do you remember that? and quite a number of people insisted that this had been photoshopped. but tonight, i have something to confess. you were right. guys, can we show them the actual photo? [laughter] e were just trying to tone it down a little bit. awesome day. [laughter]
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there are other new players in the media landscape as well, like super pacs. did you know that sheldon addleson spent $100 million of last year on negative ads? he's got to really dislike me. [laughter] -- to spend that kind of money. mean, that's oprah money. [laughter] you could buy an island and call it nobama for that kind of money. [laughter] sheldon would have been better $100 million to of the race. [applause] i probably wouldn't have taken it, but i thought about it. [laughter] michelle would have taken it.
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[laughter] you think i'm joking. i know republicans are still sorting out what happened in 2012, but one thing they all agree on is they need to do a etter job reaching out to minorities. and look, call me self-centered, minority think of one they could start with. [laughter] hello. trial run, you know. [laughter] if they won't come to me, i will to them. recently, i had dinner -- it's
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publicized. i had dinner with a number of the republican centers. easy.it, it wasn't i proposed a toast. it died in committee. [laughter] of course, even after i've done all this, some folks still don't with i spend enough time congress. drink with u get a mitch mcconnell, they can. really? [laughter] drink with u get a mitch mcconnell. [laughter] . applause] i'm sorry. s.get frustrated sometime [laughter] i am not giving up. taking my charm offensive on the road. a texas barbecue with ted cruz.
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kentucky blue grass concert with rand paul. michellek-burning with bachmann. [laughter] murmuring] pres. obama: my charm offensive learn interesting things about what's going on in congress. it turns out, absolutely nothing. [laughter] charm part of my offensive is simple, we need to make progress on some important issues. take the sequester. republicans fell in love with can't ing, and now they stop talking about how much they hate it. it's like we're trapped in a album. swift laughter]
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pres. obama: one senator who has reached across the aisle recently is marco rubio, but i don't know about 2016. mean, the guy has not even finished a single term in the senate and he thinks he's ready to be president. [laughter] kids these days. ook, it is true, i have not managed to make everybody happy. ix years into my presidency, some people still say i'm arrogant and aloof, condescending. some people are so dumb. [laughter] no wonder i don't meet with them. nd that's not all people say about me. a few weeks ago, dick cheney thinks i'm the worst president of his lifetime. because i teresting, think dick cheney is the worst president of my lifetime. [laughter]
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coincidence. everybody's got something to say these days. mike huckabee recently said people shouldn't join our military until a true elected ive is president. think about that. outrageous, 47 ayatollahs wrote us a letter trying to explain to huckabee how our system works. [laughter] worse.s just this week, michelle bachmann, actually predicted that i would bring about the days.al end of [laughter] legacy.at's a [laughter] that's big.
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and lincoln, washington, they do that. [laughter] i just have to put this stuff my job tay focused on because for many americans, this is still a time of deep uncertainty. for example, i have one friend just a few weeks ago, she was making millions of dollars a ear, and she's now living out of a van in iowa. [laughter] meanwhile, back here in our capital, we're always dealing with new challenges. i'm happy to report that the thanks to some excellent reporting by white house correspondents, they're really focusing on some of the issues that have come up, and they finally figured out a
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ool-proof way to keep people off my lawn. [laughter] it works! it's not just fence jumpers. few me of you know, a months ago, a drone crash-landed out back. that was pretty serious, but don't worry. we've installed a new state-of-the-art security system. [laughter] what, let me set the record straight. i tease joe sometimes, but he has been by my side for seven years. i love that man. [applause] he's not just a great vice president. friend. great we've gotten so close in some places in incident, they won't serve us pizza anymore. [laughter]
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i want to thank our hosts for girl, ning, the chicago girl.credibly talented . [applause] cicilyaturday night live" impersonates a cnn anchor. which is surprising, usually the only people impersonating are alists on cnn journalists on cnn. crowd murmuring] abc is here with some of the big new comedy "blackish." it's a great show, but i have to being c a fair warning, blackish only makes you popular
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for so long, trust me. [laughter] there's a shelf life for that thing. [laughter] as always, the reporters here had a lot to cover over the last year. east coast, one big story was the brutal caused, the polar vortex so many record lows they renamed it msnbc. crowd murmuring] of course, there's one issue on every reporter's minds, and that is 2016. already, we've seen some missteps. turns out jeb bush identified hispanic back in 2009. i understand, it's an innocent mistake. it reminds me when i identified myself as american back in 1961. [laughter]
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ted cruz said that denying the madeence of climate change him like galileo. now, that's not really an apt comparison. [laughter] galileo believed the earth revolved around the sun. ted cruz believes the earth revolves around ted cruz. [laughter] and just as an aside, i want to point out, when a guy who has his face on a hope poster calls you self-centered, you know you've got a problem. [laughter] the narcissism index is creeping up a little too high. eanwhile, rick santorum announced that he would not attend the same-sex wedding of a friend or loved one, to which
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gsa and lesbians across the that's not onded, going to be a problem. go ahead and skip that one. and donald trump is here. still. [laughter] anyway, it's amazing how time flies. soon, the first presidential contest will take place, and i to see who ot wait the coke brothers pick. it's exciting. marco rubio, rand paul, ted scott walker., who will finally get that red rose? [laughter] the winner gets a billion dollar
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war chest. runner up gets to be the bachelor on the next season of "the bachelor." seriously, a billion dollars. from just two guys. is it just me or does that feel a little excessive. his is almost insulting to the candidates. the coke brothers think they need to spend a billion dollars to get folks to like one of these people. feelings a their little bit. and look, i know i've raised a ot of money too, but in all fairness, my middle name is hussein. [applause] the trail hasn't been easy for my fellow democrats either. know, hillary's
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e-mails probably got her in trouble. frankly, i thought it was going to be a private instagram account that was going to cause her bigger problems. [laughter] hillary kicks things off by going completely unrecognized at a choept. outdone, martin off by kicked things going completely unrecognized at a martin o'malley campaign event. [laughter] run.bernie sanders might i like bernie. bernie is an interesting guy. apparently, some folks really pot-smoking a socialist in the white house. we could get a third obama term after all. [applause] it could happen.
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i want to always, close on a more serious note, and i often joke about tensions press, but nd the honestly, what they say doesn't bother me. an derstand we've got adversarial system. i'm a mellow sort of guy. invited luther, y anger translator, to join me here tonight. [applause] [crowd chattering] white to your lily butts! [laughter] pres. obama: in our fast-changing world, traditions like the correspondence dinner are important. mean really! what is this dinner? [laughter] required to come to
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it? to bush, do you really want do this? pres. obama: because despite our difference, we count on the on the most light important issues of the day. and we can tell all white people -- [shouting] pres. obama: we won't always see eye to eye. >> thank you so much for the wall-to-wall ebola coverage, for step le weeks we were one away from the walking dead. up and movedst got on to the next thing. that was awesome. nd by the way, in case you haven't noticed, we don't have ebola! [laughter] deeply ama: but i still appreciate the work that you do. i had that ber when big old hole in the bottom of the gulf of mexico and then i plugged it up? remember that?
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which obama's katrina was that one? was that 19, or was it 20? pres. obama: democracy is more important than ever. for example, the supreme court ruled that the donor who gave just uz $10 million was exercising free speech. >> yeah, it's the kind of speech like this. just wasted $6 million [laughter] pres. obama: and it's not just republicans. to raise hume ve sums of money too. >> oh, yeah. [laughter] she gon' get that money. get all our money. coming. is what's up. [laughter] whoo! creates ma: and donors real problems for democracy. >> that's why we're in power.
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not.. obama: no we're >> who said that. pres. obama: we need to stay focused on some big challenges, like climate change. >> hey listen, y'all, if y'all haven't noticed, california is bone dry. trailer for the new "mad max" movie in there. cooper came radley here because he wants to talk to chuck todd? of water!a glass [laughter] come on! science is the cle 9/10 hottest years ever came in the last decade. scientist, butt a i do know how to count to 10. pres. obama: rising seas, violent storms. >> you got mosquitos, sweaty people on the train stinking it up. it's just nasty. pres. obama: i mean, look at right now.ening
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every serious scientist says we need to act. the pentagon says it's a national security risk. sunny day and a instead of doing anything about it, we've got elected officials throwing snowballs in the senate. bro. think he's got it, pres. obama: i think it's crazy. what about our kids! what kind of stupid short-sighted irresponsible -- >> whoa, whoa, hey! . [applause] >> all due respect, sir, you don't need any translator. you need counseling. [laughter] and i ain't trying to get in all this don't. [applause] >> the white house
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correspondent's association will hold its annual dinner next saturday. our live coverage begins at 6:00 p.m. eastern with guest rrivals, and then later, remarks from the president and this year's host, comedian larry wilmore. > on newsmakers this weekend, robert mcdonald is our guest. wait times at ospitals and veterans who served in the iraq and afghanistan wars. he also talks about efforts to privatize veterans' cares. three-legged stool. you take out any one of the legs and the stool falls over. research. $1.8 billion a year in research. spinal cord injuries, research in tbi and stress.aumatic research that for-profit medical
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systems are not going to do. ut beyond that, a lot of our research has been positive for the american public. we invented the nicotine patch. we did the first liver transplant. we've won three nobel prizes. we did the first electronic medical record. we were the ones, the va nurse came up with the idea of putting a bar code with prescriptions, to keep cal records, those straight. so a lot of the innovations that american medicine have come out of the va. nd in a for-profit medical world, where are those innovations going to come from? the second is training. doctors in of the the country. we're the number 1 employer of nurses. we end up training the majority of the nurses. t's a system set up in 1946 aligning the va hospitals with the very best medical schools in the country. for example, in durham, north

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