old mitt made $13.6 million. taxes paid $1.9 million. effective tax rate, 14%. those of you paying 20%, think about all of this. >> eric: we have to go. "the five." thank you for watching. see you tomorrow. welcome to "red eye." i'm greg gutfeld or as i am known in new jersey, ms. new jersey. let's go to andy levy. andy, what's coming up on tonight's show? >> the seattle seahawks got a well-earned win against the green bay packers in the emerald city on monday night. >> yeah, right. and president obama talks to the ladies of "the view" and the unite -- the united nations general assembly. our allstar panel will try to find out what is worse. stick around and find out. >> thanks, andy.
>> you becha, greg. >> did you do okay with me out sick? >> okay. >> a lot of medications i am on right now. >> i am not sure how that is any different. >> it is definitely screwing up my sentence structure. >> again, i am not sure how that is any different. >> go away. she gets men off every day, and sometimes women. i am here with criminal defense attorney remi spencer. and he is so sharpen sills use him to take their s.a.t.s. he is new york posted for y'all writer robert george, two first names. gotta like that. portugal is considered a sandwich. it is bill schulz. and he just landed the role of bender in the breakfast club off broadway musical which means he can quit his job as a strip club doorman. it is jesse joyce. >> a block, the lede, that's the first story. >> does something smell in the
nfl? and will a bad call lead to their down fall? i speak of the replacement refs who have been under fire all season, but never more so than monday night when a blown call gave the seattle sea birds a winning homerun. watch this, this watchers. >> the game's final play is a lob to the end zone which is fought for by tate with jennings simultaneous, who has it? who do they give it to? touchdown! >> reminded me of something that happened in my living room. replays clearly show it was an ter exception which would have ended the game with a packers victory. odds makers in vegas says $300 million changed hands. what does that mean? that's because of the blown call. it even united democrats and republicans with president obama tweeting "nfl fans on both sides of the aisle hope the refs lockout is settled soon." why to take a stand, bho.
and paul ryan, vp nominee chimed in -- give him a break. it is probably time to get the real refs. >> i mean, give me a break. it is time to get the real refs. you know what, it reminds me of president obama and the economy. if you can't get it right, it is time to get out. >> he did that before the infomercial he filmed on the solo flex. pretty impressive. the lingerie football league issued a statement saying it fired some of the guys the nfl is using as replacement refs because of their incompetence. let's go to "red eye" football analyst, cat on bench. cob.
>> job market does not just hurt young adults. it hurts kittens, cat, whatever you are. jesse, are you a part-time ref for the got roller derby -- the goth roller derby league, easy for me to say. muscle relaxants do not work well with my mouth these days. are we too hard on these guys ? >> on whom, the refs? >> yes. >> i don't care. they are not 12. i know it is like an unpopular position to be taking. i think they should have given it to grown bay. mostly because they should determine who wins the game based on what city needs it most. green bay has nothing. that's all they have is football, and that's why detroit should be the 27-year in a row world champion. >> it is self-esteem professional sports. ityou are a nice man. >> it has been at least a year
since green bay won a title for goodness sakes. >> but that's all they have. they need that. >> detroit is like the book of ely of the -- book of ely. write that down. >> i will write that down, and i don't know why. rob, do you want to say something? >> i want to pose a question to you first. is this the worst call in sports history? i include the billy jean king ripoff over bobbie rigs? >> it is way up there, but the nfl does this every few years. >> i was joking by the way. >> 10 years ago -- was it 10 years ago they basically gave the game to the new england patriots with the tuck rule? it is absolutely ridiculous. it was a horrible, horrible call, and then the nfl said it
was a simultaneous catch even though their own rule as they explained why it wasn't a simultaneous catch, and this is one of -- i'm sorry, this is one of those cases where the nfl owners are making -- are giving the 1% a bad name. >> bill by the way is an expert on the tuck roll. that's how he makes an extra $80 when he is traveling. remi, you are a woman, do you want us to repeat the segment so you can comment on it? >> are you kidding? i am outraged. this makes me so angry. i am furious. i care so much about football i am actually wearing stripes in support of the refs. actually, not at all. i couldn't careless about the story. i know nothing about it. i talk to every tabi i know today -- i talk to every guy i know, and i learned these refs make $30,000 approximately per game. they ref, 16, 17 games a year, and because football is such a ploftable sport -- profitable
sport they want more money. i think it is stupid. the fans are the ones who are being hurt by this. really nobody else. get back to work. >> i guess that comes to 16 times 30 is over, what, $300,000 a year, something like that? and they work part-time so asking for full time benefits and raise for part-time work. i don't know. bill, you are a fan of the bears, but what football team do you like? >> saw that coming from jupiter. white -- right when the bears came out. >> you write your own insults? that is a pathology i am only beginning to understand. bill writes his own gay jokes? >> i am a cuter, but i'm afraid of blades, this is how i do it. am i the only one who think this is awesome? this brought much-needed drama to the no fun league. i love this. and yes i weep for all of the betters who lost money. truly they are the real heros. and sure this happens to the
bears rather than the packers i would take a gun to the zoo and shoot a zebra, but it didn't, and i think this is great. >> no need to attack the zebras. the public is enraged over this. wouldn't it be great if radical islamists could see us express rage like this on other things? we should tape people being pis se d off about this and say, no, they are pissed off over what you are doing. they get angry over monumental -- it is fake manufactured rage about america. why can't we fake our rage and do that with this? i don't know. nobody has the answers. >> because it involves money. it involves vegas odds. >> to be honest, i also feel bad for all of the people that lost money. in the world of degenerative sports gambling, that is totally money that could have been better spent on cases of old milwaukee or child support or novelty tess tau cals
hanging from the back of the truck. >> there is one point here, there is no reason why -- usually people are screaming over the blown call that the regular referees got wrong. it does president have a whole -- it doesn't have a whole lot of change. after the last contract that was about seven or eight years ago, the nfl has signed like three different multi billion dollar contracts you think the money is there to make them full time, the real refs. >> i am outraged. >> can we stop making sports analogies in politics? you know how he was like, you have to get out of here. >> you know what is even worse? when people use sports analogies or sports metaphors
in actual policy. think about it. if they had used bowling instead of baseball you could have had 10 strikes instead of three. the guy who did three strikes and you are out liked baseball. if he was a bowling freak you can commit 10 crimes. >> that was a homerun poi you just made there. point you just made there. >> from football to faux-pas, is the president still hesitant? obama is blaming the deaths on the anti-islam tape and refusing to mention terrorism in front of the international audience. they addressed the u.n general assembly and i wonder in every country are there those who find other religious beliefs threatening? >> in every country there are those who find different religious beliefs threatening. in every culture those who love freedom for themselves must ask themselves how much they are willing to tolerate freedom for others. that is what we saw play out in the last two weeks.
it is a crude and disgusting video and sparked outrage throughout the muslim world. i believe its message must be rejected by all who respect our common humanity. >> so i have to ask unless the future belongs to those who slander the future of islam. >> the future must not be slandered to those of islam. to be credible those who condemn that slander must condemn the hate we see in the images of jesus christ that are december crated or -- desecrated or churches destroyed or the holocaust that is de -- denied. >> well, representative west would have gone another way. responding to a post on facebook, quote, my statement to the united nations would be the future does not belong to those who attack our embassies and kill our ambassadors, the angel of death in the form of an american bald eagle will visit you and wreak havac on your existence. this guy has to listen to slayer.
for more let's go to our u.n cory spawn department -- correspondent dog amazed by shampoo. >> classic. an oldy but a goodie. instructing the world to reject videos and their messages, aren't we just telling these people that they win, that they are telling us how to think? and also in a way we give the film makers more influence. >> perhaps. i am not sure. what i took from the president's remark to listen to them in their entirety -- >> we heard them in the entirety. it was very short speech. >> it sounded a little like our president was apologizing for the freedoms that our constitution gives all of us. and it is something that we
should be proud of. yet, at the same time he refuses to classify what happened as terrorism blaming it on a video he is a former lawyer and an intelligent man. he knows as does most of us that the first amendment doesn't allow the freedom of speech that will insight violence. that will incite violence. there is a disconnect with what he is saying, and his failures to comment on the violence for what it is. >> i am confused by what you just said. >> i was a little confused. >> i don't believe that video incites violence. it may incite violence among stupid people, but we cannot beheld accountable. >> but that's who commits violence. >> there are a lot of smart people who know how to manipulate other people. >> are we arguing whether these videos should be banned? are we veering into a weird world i am mott uh -- i am not
aware of? >> i think you know there are some videos that should be banned. >> but those are the ones with jesse when he is lip syncing to a linkin park video. >> do you think that we have to -- we have to suck up to these nations because we offend them? >> it is not succeeding up. it is not sucking up. you have to be aware it is a fire in a crowded theater thing. you have to be aware that you have to take responsibility for the stuff you said, and not only are these film makers not taken responsibility, they have hidden and they posted it with a fake ip address. i just have to say our italian friends are easily incited. >> but we still did the sopranos. >> reporter: they believe in -- >> they believe in one god and joe pesci is their prophet. when "gone fishing" came out, you didn't see them burning down an olive garden. >> there you go. you in a weird way proved my
point. >> and somehow made by racist irish grandfather happy. >> can i meet him sometime? >> no, he is not racist against black. he is racist against italian because they wouldn't let us work at the docks. >> of course i do. >> bill, isn't obama rewarding the behavior of violent protesters and sending the wrong message by focusing -- at one point saying freedom of speech is important and at the -- and at the same time obsessing over the video? >> the last i checked in websters he has condemned it many times as he needs to do. >> it is an apology. >> it is very easy to look and be like, that's awesome. watching the guy unhipping is caw that are particular. watching the guy unhinge is caw that are particular. >> he was quoting badly samuel
l jackson in "pulp fiction" when he was doing it. that is fun to watch, and you want to be that guy. >> it is inspiring to ouch what. it is inspiring to watch. >> we are dealing with people who laugh at us when we bow down to them. when we see somebody who is not bowing it is like, he is such a joke. maybe it is time somebody won't bow. >> we have other ambassadors and we have other interests. >> i trust him over obama. >> but old eagle, angel of death? come on it is out there. >> it is awesome. >> allen west in the samuel l jackson role in "pulp fiction 2" you should go with that. >> what is wrong with speaking the language of outrage for those who only speak outrage? >> it makes us sound like a
national defense cracking. released the bald eagle. >> you cannot -- i don't understand how you can make fun of colonel allen west for having balls. you may say that's not the way to go with it, but to say it is unhinged is insulting. it is to believe that radical islamists willisen to you -- will listen to you and say it is nice. >> if that is insulting then the person who is insulted, his skin is so thin i can see the cholesterol level. >> nobody would say any of this if allen west was in studio. >> you wouldn't be as fired up if there was a -- >> i disagree. i am the guy that started the gay bar next to the mosque. >> i think he would. >> but his point is, you didn't start it when there was a guy twisting his mustache right next to you. >> if you really want to be annoyed or irritated by something the president said in his speech, i think you would look and say, well, he
says we shouldn't slander the prophet of islam. but those people shouldn't slander jesus. the point is christians don't start writing because saw ran know does a "piss christ" exhibit and throwing jews in the holocaust -- i mean there is a weird analogy there. before he is talking about the belief that muslims and christians have and then talks about the holocaust. it doesn't make sense. >> and somebody left the cake in the rain. >> you will never -- i'm sorry. >> i don't know what you are talking about. >> i wanted to defend obama and say that you can't rag on him for not meeting with the u.n if you are always trashing the u.n. i always trash the u.n so he
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don't believe me? just like a prayer, i will take you there. >> [bleep --] bleep [obama, okay? a >> she keeps saying that is amazing salt. madonna has yet to clarify her bury coherent voice. to the world it has left them wondering about the comments, was she serious? and the same question should be posed to this.
>> that may be the last hedge hog since "welcome back carter." >> also i should mention he ended up starving to death. i don't think we should be joking about this. >> you were madonna's roady for two years. do you think she was kidding? >> no, i think she is insane. i don't know if you saw the second part of it. if we re-elect him, she is 2ing to strip and take her clothes off. did you see that? that's not helping. that's not a good thing. >>- q. i that turned a lot -- >> that turned a lot of polls to romney. >> that would have converted obama to islam so women couldn't strip anymore. >> greg, may i? >> please do. >> are you going to add
another early 70s reference? >> it has been a bad year for madonna. she was upstaged by mia at the super bowl. her album bombed. she is now basically resorting to like exposing her boobies in muslim countries and so forth. that whole cloning and going out as lady gaga didn't work. this is where she is. there is no relevance at all, and she is now bs-insane as jesse said. >> i was under the impression lady gagaate madonna from what i have seen. >> could this hurt his vote? >> it is sad to say. i would like to say no, but it is sad to say that there are people who go to her concerts who trust her and think she knows what she is talking about. this is the classic example of a celebrity who may have other talents. she used to have some talent and talking about things she
knows nothing about. >> but she is allowed to talk about things she knows nothing about. >> of course she is allowed to. >> if that was the case we wouldn't have "red eye," but we do. bill, you have been auditioning since 1989. have these comments in anyway changed her mind? >> i pre fear peer raw wet offers politics. and i believe once she sees my addition tape i will be getting into the groove with her vogue asap. that's it. i will also say as ridiculous as this is, at least she wasn't opening the dnc. there was no talking to a chair and trying to make her point that way. >> i love that. >> we have to re-elect the president of kenya. >> shy has never been anything anything -- she has never been right on anything but her career. how come she can't apply her ruthlessness like in her career to elsewhere.
do you have a comment on the show? e-mail us. i don't care, by the way. red eye at fox news.com. not about your comments, but about ma you donna. fun story -- about madonna. do you have a video of your animal doing something not boring? go to fox news.com/red eye and click on submit a video. we might use it. still to come, the half time report from tv's andy levy. >> to night's half time report is sponsored by pie, the baked food composed of a pastry shell made with fruit, meat, cheese and other ingredients. thanks, pie.
we are back. let's find if we got anything wrong. let's go to andy levy. >> how are you feeling? >> i'm okay. i am having a bit of a problem pronouncing words. >> i don't think anybody noticed. >> i think they did. >> i was just trying to be nice. >> you know what, you don't try that hard. it is pretty obvious you don't care. >> i know. i feel for you, man. >> no, you don't. >> i know. horrible call by replacement refs ruins football. greg, you said it reminds you of something that happened in your living room. you are using replacement refs too as i recall. >> no, i was watching the football game last night in my living room and it reminded me of it. >> i completely misunderstood. i was told that rather than --
you didn't lock out the regular refs. >> i locked them in. there was sound coming from the back room. can you check it out? and then they go in there and the next thing you know. >> it is amazing. he hasn't come back in awhile. >> i call it the disappearing daisy chain. >> you would think by the seventh guy they would get the hint. >> they are not very bright. that's why they are replacement refs. >> you don't care about this because you are not 12. by not 12 you mean not american, right? >> you build up this passion and emotional investments in football players during a game , and they don't care about you. >> i don't believe that is true. >> it is 100% true. i learned that when i was 12 years old. >> they are playing their hearts out for me. >> he left the pirates, and that's when i realized -- >> bobbie bow knee yaw is your example?
>> yes because i cared about him so much. >> you are an idiot. >> he didn't care about me. >> he left the white sox before that and i said good riddance. >> how could anybody care about bobbie bonnilla. >> you know what mccovey came oy house wearing a greg gutfeld jersey and just sat and staired at me. he did it four or five times a year and staired out. he was on the moving swing and would just stair at me. i i was like, what do you want? >> how could he have fit into a greg gutfeld jersey? >> i gave mean joe green my coke and he threw me his jersey. >> cane tell uh true story? >> that was a true story that i just told. >> when i was a kid i grew up and was lucky enough to have a tennis court in my backyard. one of my all time idols martina navratilova came to my house. we were so excited. she came and five minutes she
played and she left. i was devastated. i was destroyed. >> when i was a kid i worked under the stage name of rodney allen ri ppey and i was on cereal boxes. it is true. >> when i was a kid i watched athletes on tv and never made up stories about them. >> i love the story about martina navratilova. >> it is true. >> i do. >> she writes her notes to this day. >> please don't ever bring up the tuck rule in my presence again. i still refer to the super bowl champion raiders of that year. greg i wrote the bill bears joke. >> not one of your finest. >> sadly i think it was. it took me -- however long it took me to type it is how long it took me to come up with it. remi, i am not sure who told
you the r makes $30,000 a game, but the average ref makes $100,000 a year. >> i'm sorry. i think i gave her poor information beforehand. >> that is true. but still $150,000 a year for 16 -- what, make it 20 games a year. these people are not putting food on their table. they have other jobs as a result of refing. it is pretty sad they are trying to destroy the season for their fans. >> a lot of them don't have good jobs. a lot of them are lawyers. >> it is pretty obvious they all work at friday's. >> should we compare them to the teachers in chicago striking? >> footlocker would have been a better job. >> but that was used. i don't use other people's jokes, andy. >> you just say they are from other people. the biggest issue is the retirement plan and not the actual pay. >> i am still not going to feel sorry for them. they are teachers making
$25,000 a year working a hundred times harder. >> i disagree. >> i'm sorry. i think the real referees have a much tougher job than teachers. >> they could have a 300-pound lineman crashing into them in a moment. >> that's a benefit. >> by the way, the nfl players association brings up a good point. usually it makes it unsafe for the players. jesse, i agree with your point that sports metaphors are over used. i thought i would bring it up in the half time report. >> okay. are you trying to steel a joke of mine? >> i see what you did there. >> what just happened? >> he went long. >> we will talk about it in post game. >> exactly.
>> remi, you said president obama was apologizing for the freedoms our first amendment gives us. i don't think so. i don't think he was apologizing. i think there seems to be a view of the first amendment on the left that i didn't realize was as prevalent as it is. it is far from absolutist. the muslim video shows he values the free speech. for the left, it is like an uncle and says embarrassing things about taboo subjects in his decline. i am starting to think that a lot of people on the left don't think that much in the first amendment. >> well, i can't speak for all of the people on the left. that's interesting commentary. but i don't think you can say i believe in the first amendment's protection. and then you can say i'm sorry we have to accept what other people say. we have to be tolerant.
>> i don't think the president ever said i'm sorry. >> but i think you could infer it from his -- and speak in its entirety. >> i don't agree with what you said, but i will defend through your reason for saying it. i don't know. it is something along those lines. >> am i wrong, or did it sound like there is that definition of the constitution of the first amendment that guy was saying sounded like joe biden? >> about the crazy uncle part? >> bill, why does the president have to condemn the film? you said he needed to condemn it. >> i didn't say he needed to. i just said that condemning is not an apology. >> i agree with that. but i thought you said as he should have or as he needed to. >> i guess as he needed to. either you need to. i just asked why he did that. >> i think that, but i don't think i said that at the time.
>> i just don't know where film critic is in his job description. what does slander the prophet of islam mean? if you don't accept he is the prophet of god are you slandering him? there are a lot of people who don't believe that. >> that is a fair point, and all of these people are very quiet when other religions are slandering. >> i also don't understand why it is pun intended, sacred. why not say things about people's religious beliefs, but it is not okay for their philosophical beliefs. >> fair question. >> rob, we got your lyric reference. and just lastly on this madonna thing, all of you seem sure madonna wasn't joking. >> i think she was joking. >> it is just so hard to tell with british people. i have no idea.
will the crust cause disgust? they unveiled the new cone pizza where the crust is folded into little cones filled with either cream cheese or honey mustard chicken. it is available only in the middle east which is ohio to new york, i believe. and at least there is an ad. >> cones have always filled our lives with smiles, joy and thrills. and now they will fill us with even more fun with pizza hut's new cone crust pizza filled with luscious cream cheese and
honey mustard coated chicken. >> i would definately smear that on my chest. >> let's discuss this in the -- >> lightning rooooouuuunnndd. lightning round. >> robert, how much do you love this idea? and mind you this is called the lightning round. >> is there any reason -- i mean, it is obvious now why they hate us. i'm sorry, a cone crust? >> that's why they should love us. are you inferring the cone is somehow racist? >> far be it for me to waffle on this one. >> isn't the cone wasted on the wrong kind of jew basher? >> easy for jew to say. >> you don't know if that's not in israel. >> good point. >> jesse, are you offended only the middle east gets this and america doesn't? >> first of all, i do agree with robert's point, i am shocked by that as well. maybe they hate us because we are trying to turn the middle east into an iowa state fair.
maybe that's not something they want. >> any young child who sees that or old child, a child at heart if you will, will see a pizza with little cones around them will be pretty happy. >> i love the way -- they are implying some sort of child like like -- you know, you know our fondness for cones. and then they go through the history of your relationship with cones. >> there were no traffic cones. >> there was no madonna bra from the nineties. >> there were all kind of cones. >> there were no roy cone. >> there is a cone sentence if i ever heard one. >> god help us. >> stop doing that. >> all right, remi, you are of middle eastern dissent.
i don't know why i would ask you such a question. >> since was born in livingston, new jersey and i have never been to the middle east, although i would really like to, this pizza won't be the reason i travel there. it looks very good. >> that's all you have to say? >> bill, your bed is made up of pizza boxes. do you ever inned foo yourself being sliced up -- do you ever find yourself being sliced up by hobos? >> no, i have not. the insulting part is they clearly use the middle east to test out products before they bring them to america. if these guys really hate it, we will not waste that on american. >> actually, well, the same principal holds in the middle east. they test out certain products and then bring them here as well. >> an interesting point. the greatest minds in the universe work on this stuff. it has to be the greatest job in the world to work on delicious fast-food and come up with different things like the dorritos taco which was like, you are amazing. next topic, a new study finds men without testicles may
livelonger than their counterparts. they examined the life span of those in the cho sung dynasty and they averaged to 14 to 19 years longer than men of similar socioeconomic status. one explanation is that testosterone weakens the immune system and can increase heart disease. the other is they don't have balls. jesse, you had an appointment to get this done before the story. did you know about the dynasty? >> i did it with a hammer. i don't think it is true. if having no balances -- no balls was connected to longevity, then dana vachon's jokes would live forever. >> dana is not even here to defend himself. that's the way i like it. >> it has been awhile. >> i called him to be on the show. he is always busy doing something. i don't even even know if he does anything.
remi, do you think men would trade their manhood for a few extra years? >> i don't think they would, but i believe this study to be 100% accurate. i think men who are not spending their days trying to get themselves intimate with a lady, they are not doing stupid things, their blood pressure is not going up, they are not making themselves crazy over a woman then they can focus on other things. >> like the show "jackass" that is all based upon impressing women by taking ridiculous risks that end up almost killing you. robert, does this make sense to you? >> yes, it does, and i am looking to live to 99. >> at least it was short. >> i kind of want to feel you up right now. >> i kind of want to go back and change my dana vachon reference. >> i am hurt, jesse. i am very, very hurt.
>> it is not violently hurt. >> bill, you were in an 80s glam band called men without testicles. will it come back? >> i wish. not only will you live to be a hundred, but they stop balding. men have a full head of hair. >> really? >> yes, they proved that awhile ago. you don't get heart disease. how is it something is in all of us, and we use it to give life to someone else, and it also kills us. that's the bit i don't get. >> doesn't that not make any sense. if we stop the part that makes us reproduce, we can live forever. >> that's an interesting thing. i guess maybe around 70 we should be castrated. >> i am think thinking of doing it now. i am not getting laid. >> it is most interesting because you are really high. >> which by the way is a prescription high. and kids don't try that at home. send those drugs to me.
it was found the united states does far more cocaine than any other country in the world. according to the u.n office of drugs and crime -- i would love to be there, americans snort 37% of the world supply of blow with the average user doing 42 grams per year. that's all? i mean, wow, that's a lot. next on the list was brazil at 18% followed by the uk at just over 5%. bill, america uses 37%. ofof course you pitched this story. should america send you a letter of thanks for putting us up there. >> the reason america consumes as much as it does is because america is huge. i want to know per cap paw tau and based on what we saw england, of course, wins. england does so much blow i maintain they wouldn't have those accents if they did not. >> by the way, i want to know who does the stock film for -- when we do a cocaine story, do they have the -- we have to go impi some fake coke or do they
use real coke? >> i can't tell you how aroused it makes me. >> jesse, what are your thoughts some. >> there is a simple explanation as to why this is true, and that's because charlie sheen is an american. >> remi, is some something all-americans should be proud of or disgusted? >> we should be disgusted and disappointed. i on the other hand have to admit this is good for my business. >> i am sad to say. it doesn't give me any pleasure in saying that. >> last word to you, robert, and make it a nonpun one. >> i would like to know which percent of the 37% part of the 47% and which part is the 53%. that i think needs to be broken down. are they over achievers or underachievers while snorting coke. >> perform man enhancing drugs or some other thing that is not fun. >> but i would like to
back to andy levy for the post game wrap up. >> are you going to have tons of fun? >> it is my college reunion. i will be spinning the hits of the 60s, 70s, 80s and 90s. >> rut dj? >> i am the d -- are you the dj? >> i am the dj. >> jesse, i hear you will be -- is there a new club called the chortle church? >> that's my favorite. no, the stand. i am there tomorrow night and thursday and at the comedy celler tomorrow night in new