welcome to "red eye." it's like the love boat. if by boat you mean hot tub i installed in my living room. let's go to tv's andy levy for our pregame report. what's coming up on tonight's show? >> our top stories tonight. does low self-esteem cause people to become terrorists? the shocking story that won't make you feel good about yourself. which apparently will cause you to be a terrorist. probably shouldn't be doing this story. plus, has the u.s. government come out in support of test driving for self-driving cars? some say it's to keep an eye on self-driving technology. but others say it's to eventually make it easier to get people to the fema camp. finally, an animal planet mockumentary on mermaids leads to 3.6 million viewers tuning in with some of them not realizing
it was fake. those people went to bed and woke up in the morning to watch "morning joe." greg? >> thanks, andy. kind of a cheap shot against "morning joe," andy. >> i'm sorry. >> that was a compliment. >> then keep calm and shut up, greg 37. >> go away. let's welcome our guests. she's so hot they use her tears to de-ice runways. it's fox business network anchor lori rossman. look at you. he's so sharp jewelers use his thoughts to cut diamonds. it's will ron, deputy editor of "the daily caller." glad you combed your hair. his book "the lizard king," it's an e-book actually. it's like a book with an e in front of it. whoo n. guam it's in crayon. it's amazing he's still alive. if he were a protein bar i'd devour him after a sweaty workout. sitting right next to me the great actor and comedian nick dipaolo.
>> and now here's the winner of america's next top angry little man. >> wow. would seeing a shrink bring them back from the brink? yes, feeling low makes them blow. terrorists, it seems, are driven by low self-esteem. at least that's what some florida high school students are being taught. in florida. the florida virtual school, an online public school, offers a course called invisible warfare in which students learn how religious fundamentalism can lead people to become terrorists. according to the lesson plan, common traits that psychologists have found in terrorists are that they are often risk takers and many suffer from low self-esteem. sometimes joining a terrorist group provides these individuals with a sense of belonging. yeah, just like going out for football. and if only daddy loved them more they wouldn't go out and bomb people. maybe some huggery could stop their thuggery. then again, not everyone responds well to affection.
see? that's a terrorist just waiting to happen. nick. the lesson i'm getting from this story is if we just feel a little more instead of judge they'd stop trying to kill us. i think you'd agree with that. >> wholeheartedly. i love the fact that two characteristics, personality characteristics, risk taking and low self-esteem, which is what i used to look for in girls. you hear what i'm saying? >> i hear you. >> but is that the only choice? you know, they say they want to belong to something. you know, the cub scouts? eagle scouts? >> but that's a great point. there aren't a lot of groups for terrorists to join. perhaps that's our fault. >> they must have the equivalent of eagle scouts and -- >> they try to get you young. they want to blow up early because when you start to get an idea about the world then you don't want to blow yourself up. right? >> that's true. first thing you learn, though,
in the boy scouts, how to tie a noose. >> really? >> no. i just made that up. >> i'm pretty sure you did. will, is this just psychobabble being used to excuse awful actions? that's what a bad person might say. but what about somebody like you, with tussled hair and -- >> just kind of rugged good looks? >> no. >> the rugged good looks that come from brooklyn. well, i think for one thing this explains i guess why so many terrorists also belong to sororities. just wanted to throw that one out there. is it working? >> it landed. all right. >> so yeah, probably a percentage of terrorists would have what we would call self-esteem. but is it any more than lawyers or doctors or television writers? i mean, there are a lot of people out there who have low self-esteem, sometimes with good reason. and they find a way not to blow themselves up. >> this is a great point. in fact, they find in studies that people with low self-esteem are actually more successful in things they do. they look at young teenage girls get better grades if they have low self-esteem than teenage boys, and people with high
self-esteem are often in jail because they feel they don't have to work as hard and deserve more things. lori, i am surprised that you have not interrupted me by now. as a mom. >> right. >> are you making sure to praise your kids constantly so they don't end up to be terrorists? >> well, it's a great point, right? i mean, are we supposed to raise our kids and warn them don't have low self-esteem? you too might become a terrorist. what bothers me about this whole lesson plan in florida, first of all, they're in high school. so they're dumbing it down in a certain way. they're oversimplified it. there's no easy answer. there's to unreason people become terrorists. >> i don't know. i think it's because they're evil. >> but that is wording in and of itself. what is evil? >> evil is the opposite of good. >> how dare you? >> i'm not going to interrupt. >> i'm not evil. i'm mischievous. >> and there's a critical difference there. mischievous is fun and likeable. evil is -- >> no. >> -- short and bombastic. >> will, you have low self-esteem. but then again, you should. answer the question. >> i also have very
terrorist-like hair tonight if you look at it. i just can't grow the beard. so i'm out. everyone knows that it's not about low self-esteem. terrorism happens because these guys have a.d.d. that's. and if you're in a place where there's no adderall, you'd better watch out. >> that's the most unusual theory i've ever heard. >> i think it's pretty true. >> here's my theory. okay. they've confused issues. most terrorists are losers. and there's been a belief that if you raise self-esteem you can undo a loser. but you can't. the only way to make a loser not a loser is through actual achievement. they've taught these people that terror is an achievement when in fact it's not. >> a lot of these terrorists, am i wrong here, they're like pediatricians, engineers. >> some of them are. yes. >> i guess they can have low self-esteem, too. >> but you know what it is? >> they're not losers. >> it's a cult.
a cult can override anything. >> it's people who hate freedom. or az like to call them freedom haters. >> that's very gp by the way, there are billions of people on the planet with low self-esteem and they don't blow people up, right, there l.? >> that's true. i mean, we're still here. >> they're called strippers. >> that's actually true. there would be a lot of strippers strapping. >> how are they going to hide anything? >> less strippers and more terrorists. that's in my book, "strippers not terrorism" which will be out in 2015. >> way too many exclamation points in the title. >> they have high self-esteem. >> do you want us to believe that? that strippers have high self-esteem? >> to let it all hang out and do the pole thing. absolutely. >> no. that's just conceit. >> no, no, let her continue. what do they do? >> i don't know. i've never been to a strip club in my entire life. not that i'm, you know, totally
naive. but on this subject i am. >> let's move on, then, shall we? >> i give strippers a lot of credit for being bold and comfortable in their -- >> we were talking about terrorists, and you've taken it into the boomba room. >> you were the one who made the segue from terrorists to strippers. >> and you're the mother of two daughters. >> who my only goal, i've said this, is to keep them off the pole. >> all right. give them a win. last sunday animal planet scored its biggest audience ever with a documentary on the existence of mermaids. "mermaids: the new evidence" which is the title featured footage of the alleged aquatic creature take then spring in the greenland sea. let's take a look. [ meowing ]
>> aw. >> that must have been the wrong tape. because that's not that was a wet cat. can we play the right one, please? >> oh, my god. what is that? >> oh, my god. >> i was fooled. okay. but the half female half fish was all fake, i know. as was their exclusive interview with a former scientist, who turned out to be an actor. a quick disclaimer at the end described the program as science fiction and based on scientific theory. but clearly the 4 million viewers missed it based on twitter responses. tweeted white storm, whoever that is, "go ahead and tell me mermaids aren't real after watching that special." okay. i'd be angry too, mr. olbermann. all right. nick, you watched the
documentary on sunday, and you were crushed when you found out it was a hoax. are you mad at animal planet or mad at yourself? >> i don't watch that crap. but look, if daryl hanna's performance in "splash" didn't make you disbelieve in mermaids, nothing's going to. the disclaimer, this could all be fixed with a disclaimer that's on the screen for like a minute and a half before, or are people in denial? is this a release for them away from reality? they really want to believe this exists? broads in the ocean. >> what's wrong with believing in broads in the ocean? that's what you would call mermaids. if nick was inventing the language. he'd call them ocean broads. hey, there's an ocean broad. that's what you would call it. >> the first one to offend a mermaid. ocean broad. over here. >> broads -- i have plenty of feminist friends, and broad's a term of strength. they like it. i might say half broad, half mackerel. >> you want every mermaid to
stay pregnant and barefoot in the kitchen. i heard you say it. >> a broad mac as you'd call them. how much will this hurt animal planet's credibility? because you know they were widely respected among the animal kingdom. >> tremendously. next thing you know they're politico. my favorite part of the story is the quote from the e.p. when they were criticized for this. "we wanted people to approach this story with a sense of possibility and a sense of wonder. hopefully, that's what "mermaids" allowed viewers to do, allowed them to suspend their disbelief." see, they weren't just trying to make money off a bunch of credulous idiots. they wanted us to regain our child-like sense of wonder. it should be applauded. >> you're absolutely right. they were performing a service for a sad, sad society. lori, you claim to be a business journalist. no proof of that actually. is this a good business, to lie to americans about mermaids? >> i don't blame the network at all. it's a brilliant move by them to capitalize on all of your ridiculous fantasies that women fish, daryl hanna does exist --
>> women fish is not a great fantasy. >> it's not really -- it's not an exciting thing to take something home that's scaly. although bill has done it many times. you dated a merman for six years. turned out he was part of a circus. >> yeah, he worked in tampa. he's still there. i think we can't -- the mermaids don't exist. i know i'm going to get e-mails for that. but we could make a mermaid. the science is there. it will involve a lot of horrific surgery. it would go against every ethical clause in science and medicine -- >> no. >> -- and they would only probably live for maybe 20, 30 agonizing minutes. but we could do it. but i want to bring up one more point. we were in the green room, and i thought this was really offensive and i want to call nick out on this. he said he doesn't believe mermaids should be in the workforce. >> unbelievable. >> it's 291st centthe 21st cent.
>> what about the navy? >> what about the navy? >> could they be in the navy? >> they'd be saving the navy. >> you know who's in the navy. >> you know what's next? >> you know what's next? >> i want to point out, the next thing animal planet's going to do, unicorns. and they'd better not screw that up because that is real. we all know it's real. someone on the westside highway. you saw that guy too. >> that was a fat chick with a traffic cone on her head. >> ladies and gentlemen, he really is enlightened. from mermaids to motors, are we not far from a robot car? the federal government has weighed in on self-driving sedans, and they're on board. sort of. on thursday the transportation department recommended that autonomous autos should not be allowed yet, but testing will continue. google and other companies like google have made serious strides in driverless rides, and supporters said these vehicles can increase safety because they're not subject to human error. but a few concerns remain. as one law professor noted, the first too many a driverless
vehicle swerves to avoid a shopping cart and then hits a stroller someone's going to write "robot car kills baby to save groceries." unless it's grocery monthly, then it will say "robot car saves groceries." meanwhile, other technological advances are past the testing phase. ♪ ♪ whopper >> see, i don't care about the driverless car. you can have it. hands-free whopper. which is by the way probably not true because that was a silly commercial. where is the hands-free -- >> we just saw it. that is true. mermaids live. >> you certainly are the demo for animal planet. well, let's talk about the car. they may in fact be safer because they remove human error.
but they're robots. and we know robots cannot be trusted because they hate human beings, because we all hate our fathers. >> whoa. that got dark. >> yes, it did. >> yeah. i mean, good. so let's have our robot cars. but you know, safer -- we're a lazy society. it's obviously the next step. yeah, they'll turn against us. >> they will turn against us. they'll drive us places we don't want to go. or at least that's what we'll tell our wives. the car made me go to juggly jane's. >> juggly jane's? >> is that place still open? >> it's a juggling stripper. >> they can't all be winners. or even losers. lori, is it going to bother you that even robot cars are better drivers than you, being a woman?
i saw that question off nick's notes. >> no. i don't believe that at all. >> so my big issue with this, i think it's a bad idea because advancing technology is fine to a certain degree but pretty soon we're not going to have any skills to do anything. >> good point. >> thank you. >> good point. >> so the gps -- i drive a lot. i live in the suburbs. >> what's your address? >> just check that gun map from the westchester newspaper, you'll see us on there. but anyway, you -- i don't know where i am half the time. no, because i'm so dependent on gps driving. so i think technology overkill is the risk here. >> so you're saying that because driverless cars -- well, people will no longer learn to drive. which is an interesting point except people love cars. i love cars. >> right. >> nick, i will enjoy driving even more knowing that people aren't. isn't that weird? >> i love to drive. >> so do i. >> i love to drive. >> would you like to go driving sometime? >> with you? >> yes. you and i. >> yes. >> i can pack a bag and we could
just go off somewhere, maybe -- i don't know. a couple of miles. >> i changed my mind on that answer. but i actually love the physical act of driving. they're going to take -- but then thinking about it, now we can do a lot of stuff if we don't have to drive. >> that's true. >> stuff i'm doing now. texting, drinking, having sex. so it's kind of a wash. >> i would do my nails. that's what i would do. >> you would do your mail? >> i would do my mail. >> what does that mean? >> computerized -- it's like the tram -- the tram at the airport. it's going to get you from point a to point b. there's no guy driving that tram. it's computerized. >> that is true. >> so is that what the highway's going to become? >> whatever happened to -- we were expecting the monorail. this is the monorail but it's an individual monorail. it's fantastic. >> it's what you meant by i made it sound better, nick. >> come on. >> bill, as a homeless degenerate, do you think
sleeping in a driverless car will be any more plush than the other cars you slept in? >> i really feel like we started off on the wrong foot with every show this week. there was an inflection at the end and i believe there was a question in there somewhere. of course. two words. one acronym. no duis. that's what i'm thinking. that's what i like. it's never going to happen. you're going to have to go through a bunch of red tape and legislation for that to actually work. but i'm very much for that. i'm a little perplexed that lori rothman is blaming the gps for the fact that she never knows where she is. >> have you ever owned a car in your entire life? >> no. but i've seen your paxil bottles. that's the problem. >> my favorite movie, we've got to move on but my favorite movie growing up was "love bug." and once you combine a driverless car with kind of a computer personality, which we will design for our cars, everyone can have a love bug. you can have a car you that drive around and it's going to be just like your pet and you're going to be talking about it, it's going to have a name. that's what's going to happen in ten years. everyone's going to have their own pet car.
i predicted the 3-d pizza. didn't i? and i predicted that 37 years ago. >> i hope instead of herbie you get carrie. >> i thought you were going to say something else. funny. coming up, does being a mom and a business journalist mean you have to give up shoplifting? loriirothman discusses your new book "paying is for suckers and i'll cut you if you tell the cops: the lori rothman story." lori rothman. it's a bad message and a long title. >> i am a clepto. >> i know. should smoking be banned outside starbucks? better question, should smoking be banned outside starbucks in same question, greg. you're the same question, jerk. screw you.
they're giving the finger to smokers who linger. no more butts at starbucks. the coffee giant is now prohibiting anyone from puffing within 25 feet from a store. a spokesman says their rule stems from a "sense of responsibility to provide customers with a safe and healthy environment." with no science to back it up whatsoever, i might add. anyway, this new law applies to all 76 million starbucks within the u.s. and canada. regardless of whether they have outdoor seating. excuse me. already customers are defying the decree. like this nicotine addict. >> yes, it is ba-a-ad. lori, you claim to be a business expert, though i haven't seen any evidence of it yet this show. is this a good business decision? >> let me tell you something. starbucks can do whatever it wants. it is a $47 billion market cap company based on caffeine and
sugar. >> 47 billion? >> they are brilliant. the ceo howard schultz has us all addicted to his products, to this coffee and sugar that we spend ridiculous amounts of money -- >> it really is sugar. it's not caffeine. >> it's the combination that keeps us coming back for more and more and more. he's an activist ceo. i actually like him a lot because he does a lot to help people go back to work if they're unemployed, veterans, et cetera. but this isn't about smoking. this is about starbucks trying to control the world. >> but will, how can the sidewalk belong to them? i mean, it's 25 feet. is that -- can you do that? i don't know. >> 25 feet. not 10 feet. 25 feet. i mean, like the slightest whiff of the smoke is just going to make people just keel over. the chinese, they're building the biggest economy in the world. you can cut their air with a knife. >> exactly. >> how are we supposed to compete with this? the way we treat smokers in this country is barbaric. >> it is barbaric. >> you have 200 people -- 400-pound people waddling over to you lecturing you about smoking. all the obnoxious coughs that people do.
>> i love the fake cough. i love it. i get it on my street all the time. people walking by doing the -- i just want to take out their ankle with my boot. i don't do that. i just knife them. >> sounds like you need a cigarette. >> i do, nick. how is starbucks going tone force this? come out and chase nick dipaolo with a broom? >> come out with a pot of hot coffee -- let me ask you. at 26 feet secondary smoke's all right? >> exactly. arbitrary. >> and as far as i'm concerned, a mocha latte grande is 12 times more dangerous than a pack of cigarettes. you've got to have the blood sugar b.b. king after every one of those. >> you probably raise your risk for diabetes fivefold if you just hang out at starbucks versus like smoking five or ten cigarettes a day, which i find to be refreshing, bill. cigarettes and coffee go together like my fist in your face. >> i like the attitude. >> if you were in person and you knew exactly that 99.9% of all
smokers also drink a ton of coffee, what you would do is get a place where you welcome smokers, get that untapped market that isn't working right now, get a bunch of outdoor tables, cover them with ashtrays, get a spitoon, all manner of tobacco phenomenon fo tomfoolery. i would do this and call it cocainebucks. >> i would open a teeth whitening place across the idea. >> i live across the street from two starbucks in new york city. there are two starbucks on my street. >> stop bragging. >> really. >> but if i see you walk in front of my parliament with your cup of starbucks i'm going to throw something at you. you can't have that within 25 feet of my apartment. >> that's a projectile and you will get arrested. >> will i? >> yes. zblif a bit of a cough. it could be bronchitis. >> it could be emphysema. >> no, it's not. i broke up with her years ago. do you have a comment on the
show? e-mail us at firstname.lastname@example.org. do you have a video of your animal doing something? we might use it. still to come, andy levy. >> tonight's halftime report is sponsored by buses, those large motor vehicles used for transporting multiple passengers along a fixed route. thanks, buses. the kyocera torque lets you hear and be heard even in stupid loud places. to prove it, we set up our call center right here... [ chirp ] all good? [ chirp ] getty up. seriously, this is really happening! [ cellphone rings ] hello? it's a giant helicopter ma'am. [ male announcer ] get it done [ chirp ] with the ultraugged ocera torque, only from sprint direct conct. buy one get four free for your business.
back to find out if we got anything wrong so far. for that we go to tv's andy levy. >> hey, greg, how are you feeling, man? >> i'm on mucinex, alka seltzer cold. i'm sucking on cough drops. >> we don't care. >> wow, lori. >> i think what lori was doing there was speaking for the viewers. >> you're welcome. >> you know what, viewers? >> don't do it. we need them. >> we do need them. >> send your cards to me. >> don't send cards to him. the little pity party is pathetic. terrorists have low self-esteem. nick, you said, talking about how young people get recruited. you said they must have the equivalent of the cub scouts or eagle scouts. they do have al qaeda youth camp. >> there you go. >> so there's that. >> point taken. >> i'm guessing they have a different way of teaching them how to make fire there, though.
it's like rub two wires together. >> they can whip a noose together, like i said. >> will, you said sure, but there are a lot of people with low self-esteem including lawyers, doctors, et cetera. true. but i'm assuming a dirt-poor kid in yemen or pakistan isn't really sitting there thinking he can pull himself up by his bootstraps and go to med school or law school. >> why not? why doesn't he just marry a princess or something? there's a way up. >> by the way, andy, your answer is in your question. >> what's that? >> there's a lot of people that grow up poor and stuff and don't think i'm going to become a terrorist. they do try to get out of yemen or they try to do something. >> right. but there are a lot of them who don't think they have another way out. >> oh, so terrorism. well, you know what? that's the description of the world. everybody was born in some kind of suffering. >> get them a globe. >> i reject the whole bootstraps thing, though, because even the people who still wear boots don't have straps on them. it's a tired phrase. we should ban that one. >> do they even have a word over there for self-esteem?
does this term even translate? it seems like -- >> jihad. >> it seems pretty obvious to me that if you're al qaeda or a terrorist organization you're going to look in poor areas for people who think they have no other options and nowhere to go to recruit. that just seems self-evident. >> like boston? >> yeah. >> does that disprove what i just said? >> no, i'm just saying you can get them from anywhere. i mean, bin laden. he's one of the wealthiest guys in saudi arabia. there's a guy who could do anything. >> absolutely. but none of that goes against what i just said. >> listen, if i give you enough anecdotes it becomes an argument. >> that's a fair point. >> and they do have a word for self-esteem. if we're talking about arabic. it would be make a lackahigh. make a johnny low. >> just stop. >> unnecessary and confusing. >> lori, you said are we supposed to raise our kids to feel good about themselves so they don't become terrorists? that there's more than one reason people don't become
terrorists. >> absolutely. but that doesn't appear to be at odds with what's taught in the class. what the class is saying is that many terrorists suffer from low self-esteem, not many people with low self-esteem become terrorists. >> i was referring to low self-esteem as the gating issue, as the one reason. perhaps i didn't explain it well the first time around. so in other words, saying if you just have this one character trait, if you are just someone who suffers from low self-esteem it is a given, it is a gateway -- you're distracting me. >> i'm coughing. i'm sorry. >> it is a straight path to a life of al qaeda or joining some other -- >> right. but that's not what the class is teaching. >> well, then expand. because that's how i interpreted it. >> okay. but i just said. what the class is teaching is not that people with low self-esteem become terrorists. it's that terrorists have low self-esteem. >> oh. then got it backwards. >> i'm getting low self-esteem listening to this. >> go to the next one. >> let's get a cigarette. >> beat this thing into the ground. >> animal planet mermaid
mockumentary pulls record viewership. you don't seem to provide the executive producer's statement that he hoped it would allow viewers to suspend their disbelief. >> no, i don't. but i applaud him for pulling off the massive hoax, which is tough to do now in the internet age. >> by the way, animal planet's previously highest watched show was dragons, a fantasy made real. >> but basically, you've got a network devoted to the wonder that is the animal kingdom sand their two highest rated shows are about maid up creatures. >> have you been to nature recently? it's terrible. >> dragons don't exist? >> not the kind you're into. >> by the way, it just goes to show you how much the tv world has changed. 3.6 million viewers for a hoax, that's considered a lot these days. remember back in 1969 over 500 million people tuned in to the moon landing. >> we've got to get off that. >> speaking of hoaxes. >> self-driving cars. greg, a google search for juggly jane's came up with no results.
>> you know what, they prefer not to advertise. they don't even have a sign. >> jiggly jane's, on the other hand. >> i'm more a fan of juggly. you've got to be talented to strip for me. >> jiggly jane's are one of the few google searches that gets you an urban dictionary entry and a child entertainer. >> i've been to jiggly jane's. it's all women with arm fat. 70-year-old school teachers stripping. >> you truly are a catch. >> i'm not here to make a point. >> we are beating our competition like a dirty rug. >> but our competition is dirty rugs. >> dirty rugs weekly. >> it's not good. >> lori, you said technology overkill is the risk here. which is a fair point. but -- >> you didn't like it, though. >> don't you think the world would be a safer place if women weren't actually driving cars? >> don't be such a jerk. no, i think women are the responsible drivers because it's
always guys talking about how much they can drink a given night at bart before they can get behind the wheel. >> what kind of dudes are you hanging out with? >> seriously. >> but it's a no-brainer to me. i know en to say when. it's easy to know when you should get behind the wheel and when you shouldn't. my only issue is knowing where i'm going. i get the mechanics of the car and how to turn on the ignition and how the steering wheel works. the gas and the brake. i can actually even drive a stick shift. >> i can't. >> enjoy that one, audience. >> lastly, on this starbucks banning smoking story, a couple points. lori, you said starbucks can do whatever it wants because it has a $47 billion market cap. so apparently, you're some kind of fascist. you know, i don't need an answer here. it was a statement, not a question. >> good for you. >> greg, you asked -- >> like you would ever make platitudes like that ever. >> greg, you asked how starbucks
can do this, do they own the sidewalks? >> yes. >> no. they're planning on making the radius flexible depending on what the lease says. if they only own the property like ten feet outside the door, then it will be ten feet. so there. >> i'm going to just stand in front of their window and smoke. >> i think you should, sir. >> and i won't be wearing any pants. >> and you know how they all voted, people who go to starbucks. you know what i mean? seriously, if we broke it down, left-right. just saying, idiots. >> i'm done. >> are you really? >> sure am. >> thank you, andy. coming up, are all the female anchors in the building a bunch of jealous b words who'd better step off before they get stepped on? lori rothman discusses her new book, "i ain't fronting." but first, fro-yo and boobs? yeah, fro-yo and boobs. i'd like to thank writer lou dobbs for that. manage plan. that means your smartphone, her blackberry, his laptop, mark's smartphone
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you get back a fast stack. last week a 10-year-old cub scout found ten grand in a drawer at a kansas city hotel and promptly turned it over to the cops. tyler schafer discovered the neatly packed bills at an inn near the airport. that's my favorite place to stay. and triumphantly presented the prize to his father cody. what's with the name cody? who told him he couldn't keep the booty because it didn't belong to him. explained the south dakota truck driver -- is there any other kind? "i didn't come there with 10 grand and i didn't leave with 10 grand. so it was a wash." according to a missouri statute -- i didn't know they could speak. lost money can revert to a finder after seven months of being unable frof ownership. as of thursday the police had yet to get any takers. spoiler alert, the money belongs to me and steve doocy. we had quite a lucrative weekend dancing last month. we're going to try to buy a condo in florida and make it work. finally, i think, for this. >> lightning round.
lightning round. >> well, finding buried treasure is every little boy's dream. is the end of this story every little boy's nightmare? >> i mean, that's actually a really nice story. and you don't get a lot of those in the news. so i really hope it works out and they get the money. so it really has a nice ending. but you know, they found $10,000 at an inn by the airport. this started out really bad. you know, that was there for a shady purpose, and then it's just like they left without it. it started as a drug deal, then went to murder. now hopefully goes to a little boy goes to college. >> yeah. something very bad happened. but interesting pattern on the carpet wasn't original. nick, you're a father, or so you claim. i'm going to go out on a limb and say you would have reacted a little differently if you had found this money. >> the father's a hero in this story. because he's got an ex-wife and three kids. child support. and he still hands over the dough. that's a good guy. and i stay at hotels, what, 30
weeks a year, man. all i find is used condoms and badly stained ironing boards. ten grand? >> what kind of hotels are you staying at? >> have you seen my act? super 8 in tulsa. >> i thought you stayed at higher -- >> holiday inn express. >> i've been there. >> they have great people there. >> statute of limitations is what seven months on this money? >> i think so. >> yeah. it should be about seven minutes. if you leave ten grand -- >> by the way, lori, it's statutes, not statue. just wanted to let you know. >> thank you for clearing that up for me. >> something tells me you would have taken the money and invested it and taurned it into quite a bundle. >> yeah. stocks. deep cyclicals. and technology sector. absolutely. >> excellent. >> no bonds. no cash. no gold. all in equities. >> wow. >> yeah. >> that's probably the most informative thing we've gotten today from anybody. bill. if you'd gotten that money, how long would it have v. taken you to spend it on assorted illegal
pleasantry zblpz i can't afford a hotel. particularly one near the airport. are you kidding me? yeah, this guy's a great big hero. and i'm so happy for tyler's now non-existent college fund. but luckily the guy that made all the meth that produced that money is going to get it back. this is a great story. well done. >> do you know this happened to my sister and her husband. they bought a house, and they went to remodel the garage. they banged open the side of the garage. ten grand. and they were like oh, my god. but they realized, whoevern gra who's going to come and get it. so they call and the guy showed up and they asked him what it was for. and he said it was earthquake money. >> that's right. you grew up in california. >> it was earthquake money. >> interesting. >> this happened in albany. >> are you more likely to eat a snack if it comes with a nice rack? who wrote that? sexist. a new frozen yogurt franchise has taken the east coast by storm due to its policy of only
hiring busty babes willing to wear tight tank tops. i think these are the people that they're talking about, nick. so stop touching me. reviewers have called cups, that's its name -- no idea why it's called that. >> clever. >> the hooters of fro-yo. mostly because they're a pretty lousy writer. nick, is this an ingenious way to get guys to eat something that they normally wouldn't eat? >> what you want to do here is -- it's been done, the hooters thing. but if they want to separate themselves from the competition, the ice cream should be made from actual breast milk. >> geez. >> it's a disgusting idea. but actually, i'm sure that's being done somewhere. >> there's a market for that. >> there's a restaurant that does it. but i don't know. >> you don't have to elaborate. you grossed me out. i mean, do you want to go to another step and then i have to edit it out. >> they have these in new york city now. is that supposed to shock people? i can go into a booth for a nickel and watch somebody lactate into a champagne glass. so i'm going to get excited
over -- you're not going to cut that. are you really? i'm not going to drive an hour for you to cut that type of talk. >> i'll leave it in because people have already come to accept you as a sad strange man. lori, would you feel comfortable eating there or more comfortable working there? >> well, you know, nick, considering i'm still lactating from -- totally kidding. >> oh, god. >> lori, stop! >> well, my coffee's not going to fill itself. >> we don't need to go any further. this is a saturday show. >> that's why i said that. >> he started it. no, my children are much older than that. >> just get to the -- >> no, i was not one of those mothers who nursed -- >> i didn't ask that. what do you make of this weirdo? >> no, i think we're capitalists. this is a great business strategy. there's no barrier to entering the frozen yogurt industry. so go cups. >> thank you. will, have you ever had fro-yo in your life and would you consider trying one at cups now they're trying to entice a male to the business? >> have you ever been to a froze enyogurt shop? it's already full of young women.
it's a perfect place to go meet somebody. you walk in, you have the puppy, you talk to them about their favorite flavor. you tell them you're buying frozen yogurt for your dying girlfriend. you're just in. >> i have a cane and some novelty hats that i walk into the fro-yo because you're supposed to have some kind of stick when you're picking up women. ooh, i have a cane. >> or a latex glove. >> you dress like -- >> bill, you know that that elderly man accidentally swallowed my monocle. >> this is going to backfire. because only men will go to fro-yo if it's with their wives or girlfriends and the wives will be like i'm not going to go there if he's going to ogle -- ogle? >> well, a lot of people are not going to want to go there to ogle. but i would say i've got an idea for ladies that want a little sex with their sweets. all right? so picture me. some of my big-haired buddies. we're wearing nothing but a singlet. and we call it fro-fros.
>> thank you. >> you're welcome. >> wearing a what? >> a singlet. ladies love dudes in singlets. >> we'll take a break. we have more stuff when we come back. name the best book in the world by the best book in the world organization of best books dotcom org ug. autographed copy. what an adorable cover. >> thank you. so, i'm working on a cistern intake valve, and the guy hands me a locknut wrench. no way! i'm like, what is this, a drainpipe slipknot? wherever your business takes you, you can save money with progressive commercial auto. .. ... now, that's progressive. call or click today.
is life less of a drag with a ball gag. well, a dutch study is there any other kind? found that those who practice bondage discipline sadism and masochism were better in the head. hundreds of kinky and nonkinky volunteers a ton of psychological questions and found that it they were less neurotic and more outgoing on the less carnal counter parts. those with leather reported higher hells of happiness than saps who never used safety words. suddenly my frowned upon lifestyle has tie almost by been justify. >> tell that to the girls locked in the basement.
>> tare. >> i a good point. >> laurie, you seem to be happy. [ laughter ] what are you saying? >> i don't know. >> maybe -- well -- >> i don't even -- don't. >> greg: i don't think this is a real study. >> i think she would look amazing with a mask. keep talking. >> you are not even answering this question, are you? >> move it along. >> greg: will whips and black lace body suits be considered the norm? what is considered strange is generation ago is going to normal. >> what seems like bondage is getting a bad wrap. >> that is good and save that or o the open mike routine next week. >> i have to write it on a note card. >> he will be performing at captain chuckles. >> jiggle about abouty jims. >> you work as a slave monkey.
>> how many times do i have to tell you i work as a pinky ring and pj mc50s. i remind you of one thing you said in the green room that i thought was apropos. >> what? >> phlegm. it was a good point. >> i have bronchitis, people he. we will take a break and close things out with the post game wrapup from t v's andy levy.
levy for the post game wrapup. >> what is going on at the daily call? >> the internet's first website still the best. >> almost landed that. >> yeah, ba nick, where can pee catch you live? >> the arlington drafthouse june 21 and 22. come out and see me. or the comedy cellular the next few weeks. >> greg: what street is the arlington drafthouse on? >> i don't memorize that. i he have a car pick me up. >> i lived out there. he was curious. >> isn't it near wightys in? >> google it. >> might it be on massachusetts avenue. >> i'm not positive. >> yes, its. >> greg: there is no, massachusetts ave in arlington? >> i think it runs -- why are we talking about this? >> i don't know. >> it's important to
>> judge jeanine: they come here to kill us and we worry about what they think about us. and america should protect you? why should you give them an advantage over an unarmed. put on your big boy pants. >> judge jeanine: it is the citadel of justice in america. commands respect not because of its enormous power but because of its re reverence for the la. its integrity is supposed to be unimpeachable, beyond the poe let cal hims of washington and because of its fairness in all matters of truth indigos tess.