>> you have to get out of here. >> that's it for us. have a great weekend. "special report" is next! bye. welcome to "red eye." it is like america's funniest home videos. if by america you mean greg and funniest, you mean drifters no one will miss because they are dead. let's go to andy levy for a pre game report. w45 is coming up on tonight's show, old sport? >> should we get rid of our s nukes?et most people say no, but naturally some celebrities say yes. and an eighth grader who was suspended after wearing an nra ter shirt to school faces possible jail time making itma more likely the impeach impeachment of president obama is around the corner. actively disengaged from their job. the shocking story that will -- steve?
>> thanks, andy. i want to point out you have a bald man perched on your left shoulder. >> that is jeremy. >> is it? when did this first happen? >> he has been with me all day, greg. >> have you seen a doctor? >> ever since you started working on the other show you never pay uh tinges sp -- pay attention in the office. >> does it hurt? >> no, it feels good. i am thinking of getting another one because it is a little unbalanced. >> or ask him to perch on the other shoulder. >> he can't do that. >> we do not want to see that. >> let's welcome our guest. she is so hot that doctors take her temperature in kelvin. she anchors on "imus in the morning." i say that lovingly, no i don't. he just quit his job at the buffet to star as vampire number six in the lost boys musical. it is jesse joyce.
great jacket. >> thanks. >> get one that fits. in hawaii he is a spit roast. it is bill schulz. and he is so tough that pick up trucks drive him to work. sitting next to me the first time guest micro, the host of the -- mike row, the host of "dirty jobs cts i thought that wab something else when i watched it and his sexy tv ads for ford. >> a block, the lede. that's the first story. take it away, captain mcloser face. >> there is star power and it will leave us with no power. a bunch of celebrities are making good on his pledge to eliminate nuclear weapons. ahead of his meeting on monday, a day of the week with russia's vladimir putin, michael douglas, matt damon and other rich people with alleged drug problems appeared in a video from global zoro. global zero.
he said he would try to slash our stockpile. take a look, look takers. >> today i state clearly and with conviction america's commitment to seek the peace and security -- >> a world without nuclear weapons. >> a world without nuclear weapons. >> this matters to people everywhere. >> some argue the spread of these weapons cannot be stopped, cannot be checked. >> such fatalism is a deadly adversary. >> if we believe the spread of nuclear weapons is inevitable. >> then in someway we are admitting to ourselves that the use of nuclear weapons is inevitable. >> i love commercials where they finish each other's sentences. it is so original. on wednesday obama urged russia to build on a treaty that requires both countries to reduce a third of deployed nuclear weapons. meanwhile, he continues to ignore threats closer to home.
>> good job. >> that happens to me a lot when i wake up in the morning. >> i feel your pain. >> mike, welcome to the show. thanks for being here. >> nice to be had. >> thanks for wearing your formal hat. >> it is fake leather. >> should we be thanking these famous, beautiful people for trying to stop those big, evil bombs from falling on nice foreigners? >> speaking only for myself, absolutely. i love when celebrities come out to speak passionatly and as you have said in a kind of weird way on issues they don't really know anything about. it allows me to do the same thing in a much more credible fashion when it comes to western civilization i have been trying to do my part. it just makes me look all the more credible. >> what is your crusade? >> the skills gap, rising unemployment, staggering student loans. i am here to solve all of that. i do have a solution.
i don't want to say too much too quickly. >> we don't want to ruin the prize. it is like opening the christmas present in july which a lot of people do. >> it is almost july? >> it is almost july. diane, good to see you. if you were in hollywood and you were a star let trying to make your way, would you do a cause like this just because you know it would help? say if you did that video you would meet matt damon who looks like an ss officer these days. and michael douglas, but don't kiss him. would you do something like that? >> i don't think so. like you said, when they talk about these things it seems they don't know what they are talking about. the where shall meant nothing. the president came out saying we are not truly at peace when we live with nuclear weapons. when are we ever truly safe? it doesn't mean anything. none of this means anything. but to say that nuclear weapons inherently make the world more dangerous really isn't true. the last world war we had ended with nuclear weapons and
we haven't had one since because of nuclear weapons. it keeps the super powers from going against each other. they could argue they make the world safer. nuclear weapons are here and it is inevitable. you have to deal with that. you can't pretend that is not true. put your weapons away and it just doesn't work that way. >> she is a pretty warmonger. you should be our secretary of state. jesse, you did a similar video to help keep the number of goths in hot topic down to three at a time during school hours. >> i did. >> did that work? >> no, no, unfortunately it didn't. first of all, would you do us a favor? i don't understand why you won't open another button so that everybody at home can know you are trying on purpose to dress like you deal vicodin to teenagers at a december -- at a disco tech.
>> i always love the debate. it is abeatsa in europe and here. >> of all of those i doubted mike row who speak with the lisp. >> once you have been to bar saw loan gnaw. >> that's it. >> you can't put the poop back in the goose. >> i think we need a pallet cleanser. you can't have michael douglas and matt damon in a thing together after the last time i saw them they were involved in bathtub shannanigans in that gay elvis movie i just saw. >> that was a memorable love movie. >> scene. >> i think the grunting was real. you are an expert in that. the video had a lot of big stars. most of them you slept with, bill. they paid you, i guess, as part of a degradation cult, right? to see how disgusting they could get. first they would do horrible things and then sleep with you. >> i was told it was a
premiere party. but indeed it was degradation and i am still limping. i have no problem with this. i have an issue with the name global zero. it sounds like a smashing pumpkins album. i picture billy corrigan holding the globe with a zero in front. and in summation the world is a vampire. as far as the message is concerned i believe they sound like any typical liberal actor. i will give you one, ronald reagan. he once said during his administration, why wait until the end of the century for a world free of nuclear weapons. and indeed that was his goal with the strategic arms reduction treaty which bush finally signed with gorbachev. these filthy liberals make me sick. >> the problem with your argument is i didn't listen to it. >> focus on billy corrigan. >> these are the questions i ask of guests, mike, and if you would watch our show regularly -- >> can i just have a paper?
>> yes. i am the only host that has the names of the guests. >> that's awesome. in case there is any confusion. >> and you always misspell my name. >> schulz has been on 1500 shows and i still -- >> you didn't even finish his name. >> and he spells my name with one l. how many times do i have to tell you but there are two l's. >> this is the paper he uses to write down every time i say [bleep]. >> see, he is right. there is one. there is one [bleep]. >> [bleep]. [bleep]. >> all right. that is 2 [bleep]. >> our poor editor. >> technically i started this. >> we are not having a show tomorrow. i just want everybody to know that. >> that just hurts my feelings. >> can we end this on a classy note? >> what the hell is the matter with you? >> come on, guys, let's get
out of the sewer here. >> all right, all right, all right. i was going to make a point. you know what? i am not. i am going to move on. from treaties to treats, he can put the pastry in the past. i speak of the maryland second grader, is there any other kind, punished for turning his pop tart into a pistol. the school superintendent has denied his family's request to have the suspension removed from the record. he was suspend for two days in march for nibbling his pop tart into the shape of a gun and waiving around. i did the same, but in the shape of dean cain. i still have it. call me. >> impressive nibbling. >> and then there is the case of jarod markum. he was suspended in april for refusing to remove his nra t-shirt. now he is facing jail time for obstructing an officer. frustrating to hear, i know. speaking of frustration.
>> i am going to say it again. first we have the gay marriage and now we have monkeys using vending machines. the world is going to hell in a hate basket. >> what i don't understand is that bill knows very well that there is plenty of orange juice in the fringe. in the frige. why was he doing that? >> at least i am wearing a diaper now. >> thank god for that. small steps. what has happened to this world? a generic question i use for almost every story, but it fits here. >> you called me tom now, you know that? you forgot my name. >> i told you you took it from
me. i spelled it t-h-o-m. time changes and it is getting worse. >> yes, it is. >> i forgot what the story is about. >> the pop tarts with the filling in it that he chewed into a gun. >> yes, tom. >> and that was in anne arundel county. that was in maryland, not far from where i grew up. i was 18 and my best friend -- true story. i will make it short. we went to school and jeff took a sniper rifle out of the back of his truck. we walked through the school with it. he wanted to take it to metal shop to clean it and then wood shop to do sanding on it. the principal comes out and says where are you headed with that? he says i am going to metal shop. he says, oh, bring it by the office after you are done. i would love to have a look. i am not saying good, bad, right, wrong, but you can't chew a pop tart, but what is
next? >> what is next? >> i am going out on a limb to say it is a slippery slope. at the end of the day, we all agree. >> as people at home know slippery slope is the name of my new bar which is actually on the side of a hill. bill often your nates and then slips and falls. jesse you eat pop tarts in the back of your pacer with a 14-year-old girl who told you she was 16, so it is not your fault. >> they came with the car. they were in the trunk for years. >> analysis? >> what i think is weird are the parents are trying to expung his suspension? that's what the story is about. why would you -- when is a second grade suspension ever held anybody back in life? he is not a sex offender. it is not like in the future the kid will have to go when he moves into a new neighborhood and introduce himself sat every -- himself at every bakery. i am the pop tart gun chewing kid.
>> however, i would because it would be cool. it would be something you would be known for. i was suspended for making a gun out of a pop tart. and then you would get all of the second grade chicks. it is too early for that. you don't want to do that. wait until you are in third grade. diane, is this just a politically correct world run awry or a muck. >> good word. the administrators say it wasn't a singular incident and there were other behavioral issues. you would think if he had a real behavior problem they could come up with a better example of him having imagination at snack time. it doesn't make any sense. i wonder where it ends. >> basically you are saying obama should be impeached? >> the world has run a muck. >> bill, you can't afford any kind of food to nibble on. i don't pay you. do you do that with discarded cardboard? >> i do. coming up, i actually don't --
i fault the kid in this. i tell you why. i don't like any kid who is not a good liar. if it looks like a gun you can easily say, no, turn around. it is italy. >> he originally said it wasn't a gun probably because the teacher freaked out and he knew he was getting in trouble. later on his dad said it is snack time and he was having fun. >> i fault this kid for being a bad liar. he should have held on to it and owned it. the world really is a vampire. thank you billy corrigan. >> i don't know. i shape my food into guns all the time. that's the stand i take. this hysteria is the satanic cult stuff. everywhere you went there is a satanic cult that was in a daycare center and then it just went away. it just went away. and that is what is going to happen in this craziness. let's do another story. what? i thought we could do another story. coming up, has the economy started to rebound? jesse joyce discusses his new wb
should he go to jail for his makeshift one? an upstate new york man, is there any other kind, is facing criminal charges for locking four boys in a closet after catching them vandalizing his father-in-law's house. jesse daniels -- it is always jesse -- says he found the eight and ten-year-olds inside with hammers and coralled them into a closet while his wife called the cops. but one father says that while
what the kids did was wrong, danielles should have handled it differently. the dads said he threatened them and grabbed one leaving a mark. they said that is not the case. >> these marks that these children had, mr. smith, were actually created from chards of glass, ceramic fixtures. i assured them they were not dangerous and the police will tend to them when they arrive. >> he is being interviewed by mr. smith from "lost in space." daniel said there was damages including holes in the wall and broken windows and graffiti. that didn't stop him from being arraigned on child endangerment. i prefer to rehabilitate them.
were coaching steve -- wafer. >> all right. diane, no comment necessary for that. the four boys have been charged with burglary and criminal mischief. how can you charge the guy for holding them? i don't get it. >> well, there are two reasons to lock somebody in a closet, you think they pose a physical threat to you or you are trying to keep them from getting away. being we are dealing with eight or ten-year-olds i can't imagine that being a big factor. i don't think he did the right thing here. that being said, when you have an eight-year-old and a ten-year-old that instantly think to get back at someone to get off their property will grab some halters -- hammers and spray paint to vandalize a home. they are probably punks he had
to deal with over and over again. he was probably fed up. i am not saying it is right, but i understand. >> jesse, you dress like a 10-year-old vandal so i am guessing you sympathize. >> i do, guy who dresses like he works on a mediterranean party boat. i don't see what the big deal is. justin bieber is a teenager who destroyed tons of property and he has been in the closet for years. >> unnecessary. he is an american hero. mike, is this insane or is this insane? >> well, you got the owner's point of view and the kids' point of view and the parents of the kids i suppose. consequences, right? i don't know. if i was 10 years old and i was caught at somebody's house swinging a hammer i would feel lucky if i got away with throwing in the closet for a couple hours. >> did you ever go into somebody's house when you were a kid when nobody was home? didn't that freak you out?
that is so scary. you say this is great and then you think why am i doing this? and then you take the underwear and you leave. >> you know it is wrong. you are supposed to know it is wrong. >> exactly. >> was it a walk in? >> i believe it was a walk in. there was plenty of room. >> we took all of the furniture at my friend's house when his mom was gone and we mirrored the house upstairs and downstairs. i was impressed. >> you were crazy. you were a wild bunch. >> yes. >> did you have nicknames ? >> yes. >> did you have a tree house? >> yes. >> did you have a spy call in case anybody was coming you would have a weird call? >> are these all things that come to the top of your head because you are also the size of an 11-year-old? >> we had a rough break up. bill, you never have really been in a home before, but imagine if somebody were to deface the cardboard box you deaf pho indicate in every morning you would be angry.
>> i would be angry. and then i would realize that is not my box and hobo jim would smack me upside the head and i would deserve it. >> by the way. how is your hobo jim? is that working out well? >> >> curling with a paint can it is so much harder. >> the great thing about hobo jim wherever you move you don't have newbfees and you don't have to can sell. you can move wherever you want. >> the problem with hobo jim is there is as you another hobo in the locker room using the hair drier on his pubs. >> i didn't see that coming. >> neither did he. >> is that your answer? >> yes. >> you know what is funny is i have kept people in my apartment i invited formally, but not let them leave. they were in there and they weren't invited and i don't know what i would do. >> did you leave marks on their neck? >> they didn't have a neck.
>> it is like chloroform. it is not of their own free will. >> they answered the ad in craigs list. >> that's greg's list. >> that's yes to me in america. >> this is a free country. did hipts that the federal reserve could ease back send stocks broadly lower with the high dividend yielding and stocks in decline? we are not doing that story. instead, would you break up with a lover if he was texting another? fyi, this story has nothing to do with me and steve doosey. and who is channing anyway? is that who i think it is.
all right. do you live to work or work to feed your meth addiction like diane? according to a new gallop poll, they estimate all of the loping around costs the country $550 billion a minute. yes. those most likely to be going through the motions at work were millenials, baby boomers, people with college degrees and guys named gary. thanks for ruining the economy, gary. discuss in the -- >> lightning rooooouuuuunnnndd. lightning round. >> like you do a lot of tough jobs. >> i do.
>> is this just a woosified generation? are we too hard on them? what is going on here? >> i think so. i think all of the problems from the skills gap, unemployment, all of the stuff we normally talk about, i just think we took some bad advice, some really, really awful advice. one of the things we are working on now is this idea that cliche work smart, not hard was more than a platitude but something you believe. if you google it, it is everywhere. my guidance counselor -- can i break out a visual aid? >> he has a gun! >> take jesse. >> this is on my guidance counselor's wall. work smart, not hard. >> you are saying that is wrong. >> it is worse than wrong. if wrong were people this would be china.
basically if you don't get a degree you will end up like this guy. >> when you say what is wrong with that guy? >> i'm sorry, i don't understand the question. >> that it is not bad being that dude. >> i am saying this dude on dirty jobs we did 300 of these things. and that guy maybe 35 of the people we met on the show were multimillionaires. >> you can make money working hard. >> they own their own business and they are entrepreneurs. we nef talked about it. they are covered in crap as well. but they are never on the show when they talk seriously about careers. >> i actually make a lot of money covered in crap, but the rich old men die so easily. jesse, do you feel like the teens that you manage at orange julius genuinely want to be there? is that why you get them drunk and touch their breasts clumsily as they leave? >> no, it is so i can write on their forehead when they pass out. we can use this show as a
microcosim. when you throw together another lazily constructed orange julius that you are not phoning it in at this point? if there is any continue knew tee -- continuity with the jobs i have at the maul. >> or maybe you are a hard multi tasking worker. >> i have 16 jobs at the mall. >> and you have underaged girlfriends and boyfriends. >> i do. >> and a lot of key chains. >> somehow drug them to get them to come to a smash smowt concert -- mash mouth concert. >> and skateboarding around the 7-eleven. >> in addition to impersonating herman munster on occasion. >> that is the tri-fecta of expwroaks you -- jokes you hit me on. >> it is because we love you. not really but a lot of people say that awkwardly to transition out of something. diane, companies will have
these goofy outings. i worked where they would have these big picnics. is that why we have them because secretly we all hate where we work? >> it is fine to try to do things to boost morale and keep a spirit of teamwork going at the office, but the bottom line is 70% -- if i can say 70. if 70% of americans don't like their jobs and they are phoning it in, there are two billion chinese and indian people who would love those jobs. if they don't give them more reason to keep the job here that's where they are going. >> bill, i don't like your job. >> i think the problem with this is -- the obvious thing is the internet. you have something right in front of you that allows you to do anything but your job. but it is not the internet. it is [cubical|cubicle]s. as you know we don't have any. so if you walk by my desk or andy's desk any day and you can see what we are doing. the site we are on are awful. but they are for the show. other people are on the same
sites and they can't use that excuse. but they can do it because there is something covering them that allows them to be left to their own devices. you get rid of the cubicles and you will have more product pif tee -- productivity. >> bill uses the excuse it is for the show. he tells hr -- every week we do an hour documentary on overweight she males. it is an interesting thing that you become a pioneer. >> i spent three hours in hr convincing them they had to unblock tran knee truckers .org. and they did. you are welcome news corp. >> exactly. >> what do germans urinating on each other have anything to do with "red eye"? >> did you see last night's "a block"? >> it was entertaining. that's how it got the name "red eye." >> it sings. >> we are going to take a break. more stuff on the way. "the joy of hate" it is the greatest book ever written by
jesse is mad because we didn't get to a story he had written a really good joke for. what was it on, sexting? >> yes. >> give me your sexting joke. >> it is one in five people don't care if somebody sexts them. i was going to say look at this table. there is not a lot of -- would you feel you are threatening your marriage if bill sent a photo to your wife of hislet re -- of hislet rerib cage. >> it would have been funny if it came out of seth macfarlane's mouth. >> he is a jerk. >> we need to get to the segment. >> and i am dying of
hepititis. you have to know your audience. i'm sorry you had to see that, mom. i am taking my medicine. >> greg, i know what you two both pay. don't put me to the test. >> he knows reality shows like i know extra toes. it is true. my next guest was obviously of the awesome discovery channel series "dirty jobs" and great programs like" american chopper" which is about salads. "deadliest catch" and" ghost hunters" he has been with us all night and let's talk to him about things. mike, i have a huge list of reality shows that i want to run by you. first, i want to get this stuff out of the way. w45* is the foundation? tell me about the works foundation? >> microworks for families disconnected. these are essentially the products of a guilty conscience. "dirty jobs" was good for me and the industries we featured have specific sorts of challenges. we give scholarships to kids
who want to learn a skill or master a trade. >> this is amazing. what you believe is we are a nation of unskilled people. >> i believe we are a nation that used to value a very specific set of skills, and we have become disconnected from those skills to the point where we just don't -- it is not that we hate them. we just don't see them. >> we do tend to value things like a liberal arts education which allows people for four years to drink a lot. >> god bless. i have one. i wouldn't trade it in. but i also wept to a community college for two years because i didn't know my ass from a hot rock. and i didn't have any money. >> he put hot rocks in his ass. >> well, we should talk. >> now that you are more aware, yes. >> hot rocks .org. >> it is hot rocks and not pop rocks. >> pop rocks are for older guys. anyway. >> yes, that.
>> i know. you are trying. >> i have something important to say. here it is. you have a trillion dollars in student loans. they will forgive a hunk of it, so we are screwed there and then have you three million jobs. this where people aren't trained. you have a skills gap and a bunch of debt and a lot is just because we don't value the opportunities that are available. >> i think you are absolutely right. we have been talking about this forever. or maybe a couple of days. >> a couple of days. >> a couple of days we have been talking about this. do you think the applications should do away with like degree requirements? >> no, see, the thing is, whether it is days or years you have been talking about this, anytime you start talking about the value of a vocational background people think you are anti-college. so it is a white collar or blue collar and both are passe. it is a gray colored world. to be educated, but not
trained is to essentially waste a bunch of time and money. to learn a useful skill and to be able to apply it somewhere, right? i was in vegas three months ago -- >> must be nice. >> it was okay. i lost big. but i ran into this woman who runs the caterpillar dealership in town. >> you could sell caterpillars? >> not if they are very hungry. >> it is a machinery. >> tell him. it is a bulldoze expert excavator and backhoe. 20 jobs -- >> he lives under aed to stool. under a toad stool. he runs into creatures of the woods. >> go ahead. >> that's middle earth. that's all different. >> i am here. i could hear all of this. >> i am not convinced. i forgot my point. >> the caterpillar dealership. >> and then bill interrupted you with nonsense.
>> i want to talk to you -- quickly, caterpillar dealership, and she said to you -- >> have i 21 jobs for skilled workers on heavy equipment starting at $60,000 and going up to $120,000 and can't fill any of them. >> that's a problem. you can't fit -- you can't find this to put into this. >> when you need those services done you can't find somebody to do the job because there is a shortage of people to build homes and build buildings. >> everybody thinks the problem is between the workers and the companies. the problem is if you are addicted to paved roads and runways and indoor plumming and electricity. >> a lot of people needs to install it. >> they can deal with the caterpillar, but when they morph into ray beautiful butterfly where do we get the workers? mexico. >> are you rete yacht show king -- the reality show king. it is like of the tough shows. i came up with some i have been thinking about for awhile. deadliest babies. it is about oversized infants
who beat up their older siblings? >> i think it will resonate in the heartland. with some casting i think you will have a winner. >> what about crab napper. they like to sleep underwater. >> there will be a union issue. the whole gill lobby will be up in arms. if you can get past that. crustaceans are hot. >> little people, big cats? midgets in a jaguar sanctuary. >> i like that. >> it is like "the hunger games" and they can't run fast. >> a guy pitched a show about midgets who were also clairvoyant and you can't make it up. it was called "small mediums at large." and they almost bought it on the title. >> just on the name alone. >> i have nothing as good as that. i do have something moist wipe
wars. they make moist wipes and they are battling it out for sue supremacy. >> actually it was the green room just prior to the show. it is a battle no one wins. >> that's true. animal bride. a man maries a skunk and love is in the air. >> i saw that coming. >> what about something about bill's dealer in jersey, coke boss? what do you think of that? >> he doesn't like it when you mention him on air. >> i want to talk to the producer of the show. >> ghost eaters. these are people who think their food is haunted yet they eat it anyway. >> my favorite part of -- yes, of course it is a winner. but you have to understand where like the paranormal programming is now, literally the whole thing is based on if you can hear us in the room. they are talking to just air. and it used to be if you can
hear us in the room give us a sign and make a sound. now it is like if you can hear us and you are here, don't do anything at all. people are like, all right, it is haunted. it is happening. this is really happening. >> dirty laundry is about a laundromat that is really a front and owned by a mofia family. do you like that one? >> i don't, no. y don't -- i don't like that. i feel like the whole real housewives things has touched on the mob thing. >> that's a hard show to do. what about pawn monkeys? it is about genius chimps who trade stuff for bananas? >> slam dunk. >> that's amazing. >> it is amazing. i would like to say i came up with it even though bill did. >> and it wasn't me. it was mr. o'reilly. >> maybe this is too weird. pet cemetery sex kittens. these are hot women who work
at a pet cemetery. >> i like the use of sex kittens with the cemetery reference. as you recall there was a cat in pet cemetery. what was the name? >> alfonse. azreal. >> the thing is your metaphor is fantastic. 31 shows came out of "dirty jobs" and they are all like the dead cat. they come back and they are there. you can see them. they are not really a cat. >> as long as it is not the dead kid. he kept me up. >> gauge. gauge was the -- gage. gage was the kid's name. >> we have to find out the cat's name. >> how about invention intervention. where you stop people from inventing things. >> that's not bad at all. if you consider all of the unintended consequences that have come from doing inventions, yes, you could. >> that show was on the air and they could have stopped the bit. like right now. >> somebody could throw a flag. >> do i have to go now? >> the amazing racist?
how about that one? >> skeet in -- set in the 40s in germany. >> finally he pipes in with something. >> i did have several. i nailed them. project runway and they all fight over one -- >> chicken wing. >> i did the strong ones. >> you are an economical comic. >> the economical comic. we just got it! >> i won't pay. >> how much for half a joke. >> we have the post game >> we have the post game report with a andy levy. the kyocera torque lets you hear and be heard even in stupid loud places. to prove it, we set up our call center right here... [ chirp ] all good? [ chirp ] getty up. seriously, this is really happening!
a post game report. >> thanks, greg. celebrities urge obama to get rid of nukes. you said it means nothing. did you not see michael douglas and matt damon and naomi watts? >> clearly that gives weight to their political argument. >> you are not an american. >> you are right, by the way. i don't know. i just thought i would agree with him. >> by the way, i agree with the celebrities.
i think nuclear weapons in the hands of other countries are an awful thing. >> they are talking about our country. >> we just split the difference and take them from other countries. >> if we put our nukes away they will put theirs away jie. i think we keep ours. jesse, the last time you saw michael douglas and matt damon together they were in bathroom shannanigans. it was liberacci and he won a lot of lawsuits. >> i know there was bathtub tickling. i am not afraid to watch it, but i haven't seen it. >> bathtub tickling does not equal gay. >> are you are really uncomfortable with that movie, right? >> i thought it was a gay elvis movie. >> i want you to be my chauffeur. >> you don't want to say too much too quickly to the skills gap and rising unemployment. can you take -- can you say too little, too slowly? >> let me kick it around.
>> that was somewhat rhetorical, right? >> thank you. >> cool kids and fake gun punishments. jesse, you don't understand why the bairnts -- the parents are so concerned about a second grade suspension. i'm assuming that josh welch's parents want him to grow up and have a real job. >> i was suspended in the second grade for setting up a folded chair in the baths room and trying to cartoonishly pea in the urinal from the other side of the room. i close with that now. it was the first joke i ever wrote and i destroyed with my classmates. >> i didn't know why you needed to sit while doing it. >> no, i stood on top of the chair and urinated across the room. >> you were suspended for that? >> yes. it was outside the box, clever, thinking. that was the joke. i peaked right on the floor directly in front of me.
the urinal was a good 15 feet away. >> the nra gave him a free lifetime membership. >> there is the happy ending. >> this angered some gem crates who of erred -- some democrats who offered an aclu membership. >> a man charged with child endangerment for locking vandals in the closet. you said there are two reasons to lock in the closet. one is to keep them from get august way. let me give you two reasons i disagree. there are four kids. if they tried to run away and ran in different directions three may get away. >> he is inside of a house. >> you don't know what the lock situation in the house is. >> he knows their parents anyway. it is not like he does president know where to find them. >> he doesn't have to physically restrain them which could lead to him getting into trouble. >> the father is saying he did. >> they say he grabbed one of the kids. >> he grabbed them and said he would bash them in the skull.
>> he had to physically restrain them. >> you can't. they are consequences. >> everybody is worried about hurting kids. kids break into the stuff at your house. >> i absolutely agree. >> i am fine with that. i am guessing he didn't need to lock four eight-year-olds -year-olds in the closet. >> there was an unfinished house and there were no rooms. >> an incomplete story. >> we do not do complete stories on "red eye." >> and we do not traffic facts, madam. >> thank you. >> you said justin bieber is an american hero. he is canadian. >> which makes him more of an american hero in my book. >> can't argue with that. >> 70% of workers are checked out of their jobs. i wouldn't be so quick to blame. baby boomers are high on the list. the poll found most people love their jobs which is the
up but i'm not sure. >> greta: the o'reilly factor is on. tonight: >> the facts are that 11 million people live in the shadows and they live here in defactor amnesty. >> we didn't secure the border back in 1986. >> i don't think it's going to happen now either. >> battle lines have been drawn in the immigration fight and a huge split in the republican party about what to do we'll have a debate. >> greatest tribute that we can pay to those who came before us is by carrying on their work to pursue peace and justice, not only in our country but for all mankind. >> laura: president obama addresses a crowd of just 5,000 people in berlin this week. so where is all the fanfare gone and what does this say about america's role on the worl