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tv   The Greg Gutfeld Show  FOX News  February 28, 2016 7:00pm-8:01pm PST

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>> mr. deniro thank you for meeting with us today. >> you have so many great ideas as your executive producer they could go so far. politics and remakes very hot right now. we begin with a favorite. socialist horror film starring bernie sanders. little scarier. just when you thought it was safe to go back into the voter pool. >> no. no. >> i agree. >> little nicer. skub actually. two dudes meet their wives -- >> nose two together. first i don't like them and with
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the government i doesn't like it. >> how about a bond film. >> i don't like those mixing with the classics. it's not going to work. >> magic mike bloomberg. with one man's quest to ban soda. >> this is getting sillilier. >> scathing private e-mails. >> really. i appreciate the two of you. >> you ready to go to lunch? >> how are you? all right. sure let's do it. >> not too bad. lady. >> all right. let's go. >> did that happen? >> did deniro just leave with a bill o'reilly impersonator?
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>> i am greg gutfeld. joined once again by a live studio audience straight from the tacoma youth center for violent offenders. here's what's coming up. the debate full of hate. who did great? who stealed the -- sealed their. >> we won't pay for the wall so trump will make it more tall and tells the man down south you hush your potty mouth. >> robots on the rise every human dies. pleads don't take my prize. let's get started the casserole in the oven is savory tomato cobbler. >> let's welcome tonight's guests. his resume is thicker than chris matthew's skull. i am here tonight with town columnist attorney and army vet kurt slick tore. my favorite kennedy. cool han loose is kennedy hosted kennedy fox network. >> her name would be a terrible
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wheel of fortune puzzle jedidiah bela fox news con trib dut tore. her favorite tool is a screw driver because she is a drunk joanne no, sir chsuchinsky. she hadz a cat. national review reporter katherine timpf. thursday's the debate got dirtier than the charlie sheen hot tub on hooker thursday. >> donald, i understand rules are very hard to follow. (talking over one another) >> thank you for the vote. thank you for the vote. >> while that played out there were the wall flowers, kasich and carson. whenever things got going ks they always brought it to a halt like they are human pop up ads or the commercials for sad pets. so who won?
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rubio went from c 3 p 0 to the karate kid. demanding homework from the high school quarterback donald trump. one lady don't wooing. lots of wooing. >> if you build the walls the the way you build trump towers you will be doing labillegal workers to do it. >> i don't know anything about bankrupting four companies. (cheers) >> i think that was ivana. how did donald take it? no, s >> it's rubio.
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unbelieveable. >> it is unbelievable. >> it remind me of this. >> the most well-known, the best dressed. >> transformed. >> does it really matter who won the debate? the day after trump did something genius. >> i am proud to be here to endorse donald trump for president of the united states. >> then trump sent him home. >> talk about a walk of shame. remind me of college, doesn't it. >> can you blame trump? you remember this? >> donald is a great guy and a good person but i don't think he's suited to be president of the united states. >> why? >> i don't think his temperament is suited for that and i don't think his experience. >> how we change. christie even trended on twitter
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quite a feet as long as you weren't arrested in bed with a goat. what donald is doing is different. he's not just destroying ideology his establishment but two pockets of brief the left the right. along the way he makes people cry like this sander's supporter. >> i just want you to know that the people that are voting for him are really sick people that refer to human beings as animals. it actually made me sick. >> amazing. >> she said she heard trump's fan calling humans animals. maybe so but they are crying seems as fake as a trump university diploma. just kiting donald. please don't shoot. the media the most dishonest
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human beings on earth. i am telling you. the loans are essentially nonessential. we are going to open up the laws so when they write falsely they can con sue tpursue the media. >> i love trump university. i am sending all of my animals there. that's the problem with the pro trumpers in the media. you are electing a second boss. so what if he wins? everything is going to be bigger and better especially sports. tigers will be allowed to play pro hockey the nba will have balls with exploding pinatas. baseball players will be allowed to drive around the bases with chimps on their backs. cold play will still suck even trump can't help them.
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>> i am not saying he's not the anti christ but you make up your minds, america. >> before we get into the debate it wouldn't be a debate until we showed you what happened afterwards. it was like a game of punitive ping pong played by done rickels and a robot played by don rickles. >> the guy with the worst spray tan in america is attacking me. >> i watched krchris go after rubio. he has large ears the biggest ears i have ever seen. i have never seen any human being sweat like this guy. >> donald trump likes to sue people, he should sue whoever did that to his face. >> kennedy.
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what the hell is happening to this country? >> we were missing this entire presidential contest was cuban street fighting. marco rubio has discovered his inner warrior and we are not getting anything done. no problems solved. it annihilates the issues we should be talking about foreign and domestic. it reached a whole new level of entertainment. cruz tried to get in the dislane but he was in neutral. >> what the hell is happening? >> it is nice to see r peters return quiet dignity to the process. george washington, abraham lincoln and these two idiots. i am waiting it out with a whole 15 minutes of yo ma ma jokes. >> yo ma ma is so trump.
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>> what the hell is happening? >> i am a terrible person because i am loving every minute of this. i think a lot of people sitting at home are loving it, too. it looks like a bunch of real people. they always look so polished and reserved. he's always the guy up there, rubio, who has everything together. everybody is waiting for him to jump out of his seat and do this to trump. finally he looks like a human being. >> did it work? >> i think he still looks a little bit like a school boy when he and cruz were saying what's your plan? what's your plan? donald looks like the grownup between the other two guys. i think he's unstoppable. i said it here first. i don't think either of the guys will be able to stop him no matter what they do. >> haven't heard that opinion yet on this network. >> sorry, kennedy. >> joe, what the hell is going on? >> well, we call it in the
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performance world fool out with ceiling. that's what rubio is doing. if you are going to attack trump, you need to 100 percent commit. you can't do some of these little attack ads which we have seen other candidates do. it doesn't have enough gravitas. unfortunately it might be a little too late. like you said we have been wanting rubio to come out and do this sort of a thing to really take the lead, but at this point i don't think he can actually do it. >> very quickly and also to jedidiah's point. there have been many pundits who have been calling for cruz and rubio and other candidates to stop attacking each other and if you really want to take down the giant elephant you have to act like a pack of willed beasts. i don't know if they attack elephants but it would have been a good idea to do that six debates ago. the two of them started greeting some of the attacks. national review is giving them said hey it might be a great
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request donald trump together find his weaknesses whether it is age or foreign policy is lack of plans or concrete healthcare opties. figure them out and take him down together. they were a little clumsy. >> to your point on willed beasts they do not attack they love to cuddle. i learned that when i got lost at a national park for about a week. >> i want you to say whatever you want for as long as you want. i am interested in knowing what you have to say. >> we will be here for a very long time. i like this rubio. he's more interesting than the other rubio. that wasn't really hard to do. he's getting his speeches played on tv life which before only trump did. that helped trump a lot. i also do think it is too late. it kind of where was this? it reminded me of when i was
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little and i was about to get grounded and i would tell my mom she was really pretty. she wouldn't unground me she would be like awe and laugh. when i see him attacking trump i picture him attacking him in the mirror like a nervous little boy. he remind me of not being grounded. >> we all practice in the mirror various things. i won't tell you what i do it is illegal in 14 states. i have a theory that trump is replacing ideology with theology. >> heavy. >> i came up with this it morning. he reflects a populus movement combined with a need for popularity. he is so into the polls if he is elected he will be addicted to how people have perceived him. >> exactly. we are going to have the first tweeter presidency. he will do the saturday of the union on twitter.
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>> he will tweet his own speech. he will go, that was pretty good. >> a standing ovation on one side of the chamber. >> don't go anywhere. we have lots more show to come including former mexican president vincente fox absolutely loves donald trump's border wall. i miss read that. he hates it. {off-lin {off-line}
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>> try what you may but you can't get away. it's time to embrace ♪ the donald triumph. >> like your impending death the donald triumph is inevitable. can he beat hillary? former mex an president vincente fox said this about building a border wall in mexico. >> we are not paying for the (bleep) wall. he's got the money. he should pay for it. trump responded at thursday's
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debate. >> how are you going to make them pay for the wall. >> i will and the wall just got 10 feet taller. >> who wants a tiny wall anyway. big walls rule. ever see china's? >> the great wall of china built 2,000 years ago is 13,000 miles. >> you have a point that wall is pretty awesome. never mind it took centuries to be built often by forced peasantry and many died building it but the fact is it is fabulous and it goes to show you what you can do if you put your mind and your slaves to it. which brings us back to vincente fox. even he knows the donald triumph is inevitable. on friday he made this comparison. >> he is going to take the nation back to the old days of war and everything. he reminds me of hitler.
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>> that's a bit strong. who says that sort of thing? >> he disagrees that you, sir, are worse than hitler. you, sir, are worse than hitler. you, sir, are worse than hitler. >> i love the montage because you can see my face go from fat to skinny and fat again. i am getting fat again, jedidiah. that's why i came to you first. we are over that. what sois trump's problem with people named fox. >> that is a great point. he helps donald. >> the skiame way mitt romney helps donald. he studied barack obama's campaign. you don't have to say a lot. he got elected saying hope and change and yes we can. the less specifics you give people the better. it is less they can use against you. he comes out with his sound bytes and he's convincing and dynamic and powerful. people think he will go after the bad guys.
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he looks fearless on the stage. nobody cares about the specifics. paul ryan who laid out these 30 page documents. they are saying what does any of this mean? it is only the guy who looks aggressive. >> i am tired of those known quantities. give me something unnone. >> that's what gets elected. >> it makes me so hap ppy that plot for this country. >> by the way i fought for this country, too, not in the military, but i did some fighting here and there. >> walking through central park with a pocket full of ones fighting homeless people isn't considered fighting in this country. >> where is his parade? >> followed to the clinic. >> i am looking forward to the up coming documentary that
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covers this campaign by the granddaughter who triumphed the wall. >> going back to specifics, i kind of agree you don't need them. so we all watch a lot of hgtv flipping houses that is huge right now. donald trump is flipping homes and rubio and cruz they may know how to rewire the whole home and layout the plans for plumbing and interior design but donald trump doesn't need to. he will hire all of the jobs but we are not doomed it won't be the end of the world he will still have a nice house to live in. >> what do you make of that metaphor? >> i think that's actually right. when you move into the home the home falls apart and you have an electrical fire within six-weeks. that's the bad part about the homes sometimes you want them to pl lay a little bit of foundation. the difference between this cycle in 2008 when barack obama
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first ran we were hoodwinked into no moral white people running for office and now i think that the smart people have gotten smarter. i think the people who pay attention to politics they are more sophisticated. unfortunately there's a lot more dumb people. i don't know if -- (applause) >> thank you. thank you. i love the poorly educated. >> i count myself as one of the poorly educated because i never went to class. i don't even remember what school i went to. >> you don't learn the important stuff in school anyways. >> you learn it on the street. >> that's exactly right. >> school of hard knocks. >> look like a survivor, too. >> let's ask you this. let's say trump gets the nomination. can he beat hillary in the election? >> i think he can but i think he could be a one-term president,
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mostly because he really wants to be president. running for president is very fun. it looks fun if you do it like trump. i am going to build a wall and everyone cheers if they don't they make themselves the victim. all of a sudden he has to actually build the wall. that's harder. >> by the time he's elected he will change his mind on building the wall. >> i can build the wall. >> how? >> i do it every time someone tries to love me. (laughter) >> any external criticism from outside of the united states is the opposite of what president obama is. president obama won the nobel prize. they think it is ridiculous. he wasn't even done anything. they are giving them a great group hug. it shoulding encouraging we got a presidential candidate that the outside world hates and fears. i always had this theory it is time for us to have a crazy
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person. they have crazy people. other countries can have crazy people and we have to have sensible people. >> we have to have a foreign po will see where everyone is i a frayed to make a sudden move. >> including us. >> especially us. >> he has a finger on the button. he knows what to do. good. let the iranians and let the terrorists wonder maybe they can blow us up. >> oh, no. >> i think rationalism is so under rated. >> we haven't heard that. >> hugo chavez. >> yeah. >> god rest his soul. >> he's coming out about the first amendment like hillary, i am so sick and tired of our major politicians treating our constitution like the (bleep).
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>> good news about that is, you have to google that to find out what that means. unfortunately i don't. unless you are standing in traffic that would be stupstupi? >> up next. black face for cosmetic treatment. how the college kids managed to offend people with a face screen. stick around.
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>> you may want to reschedule that patient before you deemed a bigot. that's what happened when they post this had photo on something called snap chat. the photo went viral. a term i just invented. naturally it caused her to take part in her favorite activity, being offended. in a knee jerk or just jerk
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reaction the school's chancellor issued a statement. last night a disturbing racist post that was made to social media was brought to my attention. those posts are hurtful and destructive to our campus community while social media can certainly bring about positive change it can be a place that deeply hurts and harms others. the schools they removed that statement after quote it was determined they were using a cosmetic facial mask and did not atte intend to cause any one harm. sorry, kids, for labelling you as racist. hope that acne clears up. cat, this is one of the cases where intent doesn't matter for the people that got hurt. the fact that it looks bad. >> if there were face macses, if i had known i might hurt people that might be interested in that. i didn't know they were.
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they weren't trying to pate just exfoliate. >> thank you. >> thank you. >> i feel very good. she wasn't just dumb she is also not a nice person. she is a jerk because she didn't even say she was sorry. she said, you know you should have thought about how that might look. these poor kids are saying it's 2016 self care i am going to take care of myself. the faces look great they are smooth and the whole school thinks they are racist. times are tough. >> my problem is if the facial makes them look better isn't that look it? >> thank god you are shining light on to the darkened corners of lookism. >> i am purposely homely. i try to be as homely as possible. >> i see you go into makeup and say ugly me up. i am too handsome for one man which i have that tattooed on milo back. the white water said the picture
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was hurtful and destructive. i thought she was talking about the alpha hydroxies she was using on her skin. i realize barbara couple must be so wildly unattractive or never been to origins because she didn't know what a charcoal face mask looks like. i feel bad for her and her golf ball sized pourer pores. >> are you going to think twice before you get a facial? >> always. you always think twice. >> it requires that you think once. >> that's true for me. >> i lame the ki-- i blame the . do not show the beauty process. you show the after. why do we need to show all of the tricks of the trade. >> before and after, there is no medium. when you see the ads there's no medium. >> they have the contracts like they are endorsed by a certain
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brand. you are a college kid. >> you know what i just realized could you image if kim kardashian put pictures of her bleachings on instagram. >> you are talking about the clothing? bleaching clothing not body parts. that doesn't happen in the real world. that is sick urban legend. do is the word racist being thrown around too much or not enough? >> exactly. yes. i am just very concerned about my own moisturizing and gender identity issues that raises. i don't think i fully explored them. you know, i am really questioning. >> it is not for you to question. don't be afraid. i am having a thing after the show at my place. you do a little bit of -- a lot of questioning. sometimes no is ignored. anyway -- >> talking about beverages, how
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dare you, would do people's minds go jedidiah. if you saw that picture would you be offended? >> i almost took that picture the other day. i was doing the charcoal mask which i fancy i almost put the picture on instagram now i am upset i didn't. i love the people that come back and say you are racist. i can turn around and say you are racist. if racism comes to your mind when you see a charcoal mask not only are you demented you need to seek a they're 'trapist but the one who sees everything through a racial lens. they are trying to cake catake their skin. >> triumph identity politics. it doesn't matter what your premise was for doing x, if x offended y it doesn't matter why. >> i can already feel it. don't go anywhere. still to come, a new robot that fills the deal with bullies. is this the end of the world?
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yes. guess i don't have to do that story now. great job, greg. (man) hmm. what do you think? ♪ (stranger) good mornin'! ♪
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side effects may include diarrhea, nausea, upper respiratory tract infection, and headache. tell your doctor about all the medicines you take, and if you're pregnant or planning to be. ask your dermatologist about otezla today. >> though will kill us with kindness. kindness of the names of deadly lasers that burn your legs off. he was built by a google owned company called boston dynamics. they can pick things up that can open doors and keep us balanced while they walk around in the snow weighs about 180 pounds. stands 5 foot 9 full foot shorter than me. it is now being tested to with stand pubullying. take a look.
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(laughter) >> unbelievable. this is disturbing. i felt bad watching the robot being bullied even though i realize the robot has no feelings. i feel bad if i through a back berry in the scene why would i care if you shoved a box of metal. i am secretly atratracted to robots or is it because i am secretly attracted to robots. the answer is none of your business. >> if we were treating robots until they had feelings which is just what happened.
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then we will have pro robot protestors protesting in the streets. correct? >> absolutely correct. i am sad you didn't play the other clip because when a robot gets back up you are cheer like it's the end of rudy yea he is going to do it. then he stops. he goes over to the researcher and rips his limbs off. nibbles them like rip hdz limbs off. >> you are a human being or so i think. would it be a safe bet if you were nice to your a pliancies now? >> the robots might avenge their aim. >> that would make sense in your world. i am not nervous about the robot. condition them or program them to do awful, awful things to us. so my answer to that would be, have apple make all of the robots because nothing can happen to them.
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>> i am not really worried we are going to turn you into some giant terminator sky net and they go on an apocalyptic quest. they kick people off. i am mildly concerned they will start bothering you using the wrong gender pro noun. >> they would be these anonymous trolls that follow you around the street and calling you names. >> racist, racist. islam phobe. islam phobe. that's so true. >> you watched the terminator. >> yes. >> you see the starting of it. i am worried about all of the things that kurt is not worried about. i am worried we don't have a sara conner. also greg i am learning about humans. if you rue mondayize anything that robot looks like a person. anything that looks like a person i feel sorry about. this is what happens this is why
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i date men they look like humans. >> hence the popularity of artificial dolls. >> oh, no. >> what are you going to do? are you going to come out -- >> i am saying, look, it saves a lot of time and restaurant deals. cat, i saw you cheering when they were abusing the robots. >> the anti bullying stuff over looks the chance that bullying i was thrown out of high school for not being cool and having a mullet. i don't have a mullet. if they said kat, beautiful mullet sorry fire hazard, too many people, you got to go. i might still have a mullet. thank you for people who bully me and no we can't hang out now. >> you know real quick. the human era is misunderstanding what robotic intelligence is going to be. it will be nonconscious thinking. only interested in exponentially
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enhancing its survival. you only have one chance to correct it make a docile robot. you want to end up with a cindy brady not a january brady. the jan brady robot will destroy you. the other will laugh. >> that made no sense. >> up next joe is an is up with the hard hitting news of the week. i feso tired of all of this flu. you will be uninformed on serious issues.
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why am i so awake? did you know your brain has a wake system... and a sleep system? science suggests when you have insomnia, the neurotransmitters in your wake system may be too strong, which may be preventing you from getting the sleep you need. talk to your doctor about ways to manage your insomnia. ( si'm out of thec ) hi, office right nowmma. but will get back to you just as soon as i possibly can. join princess cruises for exclusive discovery at sea experiences. princess cruises. come back new.
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>> what were the biggest stories of the week? watch the news too busy mentoring at risk teens in my painted over ice cream truck. joanne no, sir ch joanne no, sir chloves news. >> she presents other events.
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(indiscernible). >> thanks, greg. it is time for hard hitting news. i am joanne showing you hard hitting news from all angels. turns out chocolate is good for your brain. study by nerds proves habitual chocolate comp sufrpgs improves coulding fif functioning. this squirrel here it is without it and here it is after. amazing. in other tv news john legend and his girlfriend has her first cookbook cravings. it has her favorite model diet recipes like shaved ice, celery and virgin vodka waters. just kidding. reading her cookbook will only encourage more of this.
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and speaking of never wanting to eat again, the iconic sports illustrated swimsuitish ut hit fans last week no one criticized any of the women's bodies. oh, no, wait this is america. ashley gram complained about her and called her fat. guess we played the wrong tape oh, well moving on. in other critical news fuller house debuted on netflix. the debuts are less than kind. while it features the same cast and set the remake missed the mark on style. here's the list.
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not at all what i expected. neither was this reunion. last week the cast of friends got together to honor theme director james boroughs. there was laughter, tears and sifrpging revelation that not all cast members are aged the same. they met up with matthew perry. it's sad, really. that's it for hard hitting news. back to you, greg. >> coming up, i will give one lucky studio audience member something they can keep for the rest of their life. at least until they find a cure. gotta take a sick day tomorrow.
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dads don't take sick days, dads take nyquil severe the nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, fever, best sleep with a cold, medicine. can this much love be cleanedrlin'
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or any components of xifaxan. tell your doctor right away if your diarrhea worsens while taking xifaxan, as this may be a sign of a serious or even fatal condition. tell your doctor if you have liver disease or are taking other medications, because these may increase the amount of xifaxan in your body. tell your doctor if you are pregnant, plan on becoming pregnant, or are nursing. the most common side effects are nausea and an increase in liver enzymes. ask your doctor about new xifaxan. >> time for partying gifts. i give these and they are lovely. a great treasure for forever. they don't do this on o'reilly not any more after the accident. so the first prize is an incredible hulk bank that was given to me by dr. ing michael
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baden. i don't know where they dot this. i think he might have removed it from a body. the first question is, can you name the character from red eye that was a unicorn? no. next question. can you name his side kick with a fluffy animal? >> fluffy mcnutter it is. >> all right. all right. control yourselves, men. there you go. this is a picture of kimberly guilfoyle that she actually kissed. i got to get the question because it's a difficult one. how many chickens are cooked in the infomercial power pressure cooker four. >> four. >> that's why it is called the pressure cooker 4.
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it is for chickens. (applause) last but not least, this is for my own personal collection. i wear this when i go hot tubbing with lou dobbs. if you are a mathematician you have an edge. how many more natural numbers are there than odd numbers? anybody? >> they are the same. >> they are the same. nicely done. you know why? there is an infinite set of numbers. they go on forever. they are the same. well done, somebody did their homework or watched the five two months ago. use that in the bedroom. all right. quick program note. there's no show next weekend. we are back saturday march 12th at 10:00 p.m. eastern. i am not going to walk off the show like that heyed de from msnbc. they got mad because they
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preempted her. nobody was watching. kennedy, jedidiah, katherine, bill o'reilly i am greg gutfeld. i love you america. >> all right, hello, everyone, i am here with juan and eric and melissa and this is "the five," at 5 o'clock in new york city. >> welcome to our special "sunday live," of "the five," two days before the most crucial election day yet, super tuesday. will that be the day hillary clinton looks up the democratic race? more on that in a moment. first, to the gone showdown, donald trump is about to hold a rally in alabama and ted cruz will hold one shortly in oklahoma. we are keeping a close eye on that. marco rubio will hold an event in virginia and he and cruz have declar


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