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tv   The Greg Gutfeld Show  FOX News  December 17, 2016 7:00pm-8:01pm PST

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"he killed them all: robert durst and my quest for justice." i'll sign it! if you buy it, send it here and i'll sign it. and your money back if you don't like it, if you can find me. the nation and all of our freedoms hang by a thread. and the military apparatus of this country is about to be handed over to scum, who are beholden to scum, russian scum! >> someone got into the medicine cabinet again. keith, if you're going to partake, at least share. yes! the showdown over russia's meddling in our country's elections worsens. to appease our new rulers, we have we bra show.
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president obama has threatened russia with retaliation. yes, he's going nuclear. he's sending in this. ♪ you just call out my name ♪ and you wherever i am ♪ i come running >> yes, it's one thing we can always count on. hollywood celebrities. sorry, hollywood's washed up celebrities. like these ones who are demanding the electoral college disregard voting results and deny donald trump the office he wants. >> there are 538 members of the electoral college. you -- >> and just 36 other conscientious republican electors could make a difference. >> by voting your conscious by december 19th. >> and thereby shaping the future of our nation. >> i'm not asking you to vote for hillary clinton. >> i'm not asking you to vote for hillary clinton. >> i'm not asking you to vote for hillary clinton. >> as you know, the constitution gives electors the right to vote
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for any eligible person. >> any eligible person. no matter which party they belong to. >> but it should certainly be someone you consider especially competent. >> especially competent to serve as president of the united states of america. >> by voting your conscious, you and other brave republican electors can give the house of representatives the option to select a qualified candidate. >> yeah. yeah. everyone you love is in that video. debo debora messing, martin sheen, this guy. who the hell is this guy? why is he dressed like mr. rogers? i think he worked at the local library. or maybe just loiters. there's also moby who looks like a wet loll pop that landed on a barber's floor. noah wiley, whose last job was on "er," and if anyone can
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change republican minds, it's loretta swit. >> especially competent to serve as president of the united states of america. >> those are not hot lips. you know, i see her and i think, yeah, i trust her judgment. so we got hot lips hoolihan, colonel blake. so these has-beens believe trump lacks many things to be president. >> donald trump lacks more than the qualifications to be president. >> he lacks the necessary stability. >> and clearly the respect for the constitution of our great nation. >> so i love how hard they're trying not to sound hysterical. it's like even they know they suck. the only less-appealing spokesman would be a birthday clown with a crawl space. anyway, gacy. but at least they're not asking
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you to vote for hillary. >> i'm not asking you to vote for hillary clinton. >> i'm not asking you to vote for hillary clinton. >> i'm not asking you to vote for hillary clinton. >> wlhat are you asking for, then? but they say if you don't ask trump, you'll earn something really valuable from them. zbluf my respect. >> you have my respect. >> you have my respect. >> for your patriotism. >> yeah, that's all we really want, respect from hollywood. i'd rather get crabs. don't they remember all the celeb videos for hillary prior to the election? the election she lost, badly. and those videos were the laxative that flushed her out. and do they realize martin sheen wasn't really the president? they roll him out as if he actually took the oath of office. it's like these bozos don't get it. these psas are actually anti-influencers. when martin sheen tells me to do something, i know the right thing to do is the opposite. i mean, clearly his advice didn't help his son, charlie.
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his stds have stds. maybe trump hired these guys to help him become more popular. because this trump hysteria disorder makes it impossible for donald to fail. these apocalyptic predictions set the bar so low. according to a new fox poll, voters have low expectations for donald trump. maybe because of all this bad crap being said about him. and that's a great way to start a new job! think about all the stuff that had low expectations, but ended up being so awesome. like avocados! they're hideous on the outside, but they're oh, so creamy on the inside. what about tunnels? when you enter, it's like you're inside a monster's intestine. hot stoves. it's funny when kids touch them and cry. or, ronald reagan. he was supposed to be a dumb actor, but he wasn't. could trump make this list? perhaps. you know, he's brash, he's rude, and maybe a little bit nuts, but
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i'll take him any day over those solemn sourpusses who have all of the appeal of a slow agonizing death. >> period! >> let us welcome tonight's guest. he's so bright, the host of "red eye" on fox news channel, tom shrewy. >> he's so sharp, he's often mistaken for cheese. imus in the morning executive producer, bernie mcgur. her favorite workout is four sets of quiet sobbing in public, "national review" reporter -- look at those arms -- and fox news contributor, katherine timpf. >> finally, a volcano is his' bash, tna wrestler, fox news
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contributor, tyrus! all right, bernie -- >> yes? >> what do you make of that video? >> well, first of all -- well, look, you have to have some compassion. it's been a tough time for these liberals. i mean, trump won, castro died, give 'em a break. but look, ledid win. it's over. it's part of their collective nervous breakdown, as you saw. and as you pointed out, celebrities worked really well during the campaign, but they're scraping the bottom of the barrel here with hot lips hoolihan and charlie sheen's dad. it's like when they had japanese soldiers fighting world war ii. it's already over! get over it! it's over! >> tom, you're a work actor or i believe you were once a working actor. >> you brought it to an end, greg.
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>> yes, i do. you lost everything, including your self-respect. but this is the first time most of these people have done film in decades. it's good to see them age gracefully. >> well, you know, noah wiley looks pretty good, still, doesn't he? >> well, he was 12 in "e.r.." >> you call ed these people washed up, i don't think that's night. they're not going to stop making "bourne" movies and he's not going to stop providing themes to them. he's got an ironclad contracts. >> he's like the camouflaged beta male. like, oh, feel sorry for me, and them he tries to get laid off of it, but it never works. >> it's alarming to me they're making a video like this, because we already saw based on what happened in the election that people don't care what celebrities tell you to do. they're kind of like the cat callers of political discourse. like, hey, baby, vote for hillary, and shake that expectation and vote for trump.
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and america is just, you know, the woman screaming, get away, perv, like, you know? they're not -- no one's likely to change -- they're just as likely to change anyone's mind as any woman is to get into a big white van full of whistling men. >> i did that once. >> yeah, well, you know. >> yeah, they tricked me! they say it was like a portable therapy van and it wasn't. tyrus, i won't get into it here. okay. i feel that the election was a referendum on division, like it was people were tired of being told that they were evil. and so the left-wing solution is to make it like more divisive, to actually create more of a rift by saying, let's do a new election. >> first of all, who directed that? can you imagine how that office meeting went? all right, we're going to make a videotape we're going to celebrities and it will great. who do you got? ben affleck? no. kanye? no. who do you got?
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um. trust me, it's going to be great. i think it's, it's -- it's over, you know! you know what's funny, when obama got in, if they'd have made a commercial, the same thing going, listen, we can't let this go down, we would surround them with pitchforks and fire. like, how do you say that? and it's kind of the same thing. it's over. >> they would get pharrell williams and not mike farrell. >> can i point out that there were no blacks on that, there were no lesbians, there were no disabled. i'm offended. i've been triggered by that very video. i am upset. and you know, what they're afraid of at this point, they're not worried that trump's going to be a bad president. i think at this point, they're worried that he's going to be a successful president. they're terrified of that prospect. because everything's going so well. >> real quick, two things i can tell you when it comes to -- i can't really speak for the
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lesbians and gay stuff, but as far as brothers go, we weren't on the "titanic" and we weren't on this ship either. we leave. we don't wait for the fire. it's over. let's go. and this ship has sunk. >> you know when it's over. you know when it's over. >> wrap the cord. let's go. it's over. >> and these poor people cannot let go. let's talk a little bit about this whole hacking thing that's going on, tom. what should the united states be doing about this? president obama says we're going to retaliate, but we can't send steven seagal over there, because he's already there. >> yeah, the time to act was before. obama didn't do anything about it then. they had an easy enough time hacking into the dnc computers. but i think this is the -- remember the valerie plame story? the yellow cake story. this is the yellow cake story of 2016. it's a bunch of buzzing about nothing. >> the interesting thing is, yellow cake is not what you think it is. you know? >> i was never even really clear on what yellow cake is. >> the thing is, there is
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nothing to say, greg, that that the hacking -- who's to say that it helped hillary more than it hurt trump. trump was answering questions through the entire campaign, that he had ties to the russians, so the -- the hacking and the russians in general could have hurt trump as well. >> yeah, the only thing is, i know that if the opposite happened, kat, we'd be screaming, right? if it was fox news and hillary won because mexico hacked it. we'd be like, ahhh! right? that's my impression. >> perhaps. and obama has criticized the gop and republicans for saying, you know, they were very critical of obama for not being tough enough on russia, but now they're not as concerned about this hacking. which is maybe a fair point. but at the same time, obama's doing the same thing for having criticized the gop for overreacting to russia. that was a huge part of his campaign against mitt romney, when mitt romney said they were the number one geopolitical concern. it was a huge part of his
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campaign. and now he's saying, how could you not be concerned of this. so he's accused the republicans of having a politically expedient view, but he's doing the exact same thing now. >> you know who's breathing a big sigh of relief right now, that putin is to blame for trump's victory, anthony weiner! like, oh, my god, of all the problems i have. by the way, if you're not a cheater, not a crook, if you don't lie, don't pim op out the state. what they put out is all true. of course, they shouldn't be doing it. but if you're a bad candidate, a sleaze bag, it's not going to be good for you in any case. >> first of all, what russia did was an act of war, right? >> yeah. >> period. >> because -- >> regardless -- as soon as we saw one little russian dude, it should have been game on. we didn't do that. >> one little russian dude. >> you know what i'm saying? whatever their computer looks like. hillary's problem with the whole thing was, she never dealt with
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anything. she never -- everything trump got hit on, he was like, i didn't do that. i didn't say that. we have it on tape, sir. uh-huh, i didn't do it. and hillary didn't do anything. she acted like i act when i get caught doing something and i don't want to admit it. we found an e-mail that you said -- huh? i didn't do that. and she didn't fire anybody. no one took the bullet for her in the party. you know? >> i believe that hillary wants this to go away, because she doesn't -- this is -- she's done now. the whole thing's over. yeah, she wants to take a long nap. not that kind of a nap, but just, you know, she wants -- like, i'm not going back anymore. that was really weird, what just happened to me. >> she didn't fight. she never addressed when people said she was dishonest. hey, i'm not dishonest. i'm a grandma, i make cookies. i make everybody cookies. it's great and everyone loves cookies. like me! >> her cookies were terrible. i heard that -- >> but we don't know because she didn't do anything. she just fundraised the whole time. >> coming up, a story so outrageous, you'll want to punch
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it in the face. whoo do news outlets bother to check out a hate crime hoax? because then they'd have to tell truth. this is your daughter. and she just got this. ooh boy. but, you've got hum. so you can set this. and if she drives like this, you can tell her to drive more like this. because you'll get this.
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the media ate up what she made up. so what's worse? the fact that 18-year-old yasmin posted on facebook her false tale that three men taunted her on the new york subway, called on her hijab and called her a terrorist in the name of donald trump, and that no one on the subway came to her rescue or that so many media outlets
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bought this lie without question. buzzfeed went all in. quote, drunk men yelling donald trump attempt to remove women hijab on nyc subway. that story's got everything. racial tension, white male privilege,pro-trump roots, damsel in distress. why check her claims? why ask questions. why write "allegedly," the story's perfect. except cops couldn't find any witnesses. so they arrest her for filing a false report. and buzzfeed had to write about that. headline, woman arrested for allegedly making a story of ny subway tack by trump supporters. so now they discover the word "allegedly." . getting busy. and it wasn't just buzzfeed. other media outlets reported the story with little skepticism. you know what made me skeptical of the story? the part about how no one on the subway helped her. i take the subway every day. new yorkers would have helped her. not me, because i'm usually drunk, but other new yorkers
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would, because they're good people and they know how she feels. in fact, the city's offering counseling to people stressed out by the fact that trump won. this is de blasio's concern. while homelesses are freezing on sidewalks and nuts are pushing people in front of subways, de blasio obsesses over the hurt feelings of hillary supporters. i would say he's the worst mayor in the world, but we already know who that is. ♪ your body is a wonderland ♪ your body is a wonder >> no, he's the worst mayor. believe me. all right, so, she tried to expose islamophobia, an attack and assault on a muslim woman, but oddly enough, she exposed real hate crimes against muslims, because her parents hacked off her head. when she showed up in court, her head was shaved. i get it when you cut your kid's
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hair, but when you actually remove someone's hair as a punishment, it's torture. it's like an honor crime. >> i have kind of a pointy skull. i look terrible with a shaved head. >> i like you with a shaived head. >> it's not going to happen. the type of person that, you know, she got this story reported because of the type of person she is. believe me, i try to create hoaxes against myself all the time and nobody ever buys pi s . >> white man harassed on subway. people cheer. i don't even know what kind of slurs they would use on you. hey, go back to your insurance company, where you work! nice plaid tie! i don't know. take off your plaid tie! bernie, after something like this happens, they normally go, okay, she has issues. she needs to work things out with her family. so there's never really any
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punishment. maybe there should be a punishment. >> she was arrested. >> yeah. >> she was charged with filing a false report or whatever the hell it is. but you're right. the initial -- the family, the reason why she even did this in the first place was because the family was angry at her for dating a catholic. and she's not a minor, by the way. they chopped her hair off. but to your other point about bill de blasio, that's the same slob that built into the hands-up, don't shoot, fake news narrative, and he's out there blaming trump for what this lady went through when it was a hoax. he was essentially al sharpton, he was that to this girl. and he never apologized for all his empty rhetoric. and the funny thing about it, too, is that brian williams actually broke this story. i haven't heard him issue a correction yet, but i can't wait to see that video. >> they should -- they should let their daughter date a catholic. we're fine. we stop at first base. >> yeah, it's true.
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>> talk about pulmnishment. >> yeah. tyrus, here's the thing. the media -- because the media will admit this is false. but then what they do is they go, but it's real somewhere else. so it's a raising awareness experience. yes, she made it up, but there are probably a thousand women just like her that are real. >> okay, first of all, trump! just don't really work. you have to yell his name -- trump! >> no, you go -- >> you can't even sign that when you stand over him. trump! like, it don't -- there's no -- you can't really -- >> generally, people won, they celebrate. >> i think the real sad part is that when this situation does happen to somebody -- >> no one believes it. >> we'll be like, yeah, right, because of all the attention she got. and i think it's sad instead of -- it's two words. it's called fact checking. when you get a story, they had all of this information and they
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wouldn't print it until they had facts. and when the truth comes out, it's back page, you know? liar, exposed for white man everywhere, demand apology. >> it's underneath the add for impotence drugs. or whatever you call those things. i wouldn't know. >> this isn't the first time this specific hoax has happened. someone at the university of tennessee made the exact same lie. if you're going to make up a hoax of a fake hate crime, at least try a new one! >> yes, exactly. >> instead of one that's not already been done and a person got busted. and then you do it and you get busted. but they just count on people saying, oh, bingo. this is what we need. this is great. proving this hate crime narrative we're trying to push. it's almost as if places like buzzfeed care more about their own agenda than the facts. >> i would never say that. >> almost, almost. you know what i consider a hate crime, the fact that she smeared a city. the extra layer to her hoax was saying that nobody helped her on
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the subway. she not only said that she was a victim, but that everybody that rides subways are [ bleep ]. >> insulted all of us, personally. >> i don't ride the subway, for the obvious reason, i don't fit. the other part that we're missing or whatever is that when she makes those claims and shth is the reality of it, three men get on her, she's not going to go home. when it's a real hate crime, we find a body, in the south, you'd see them hanging or drag them from a car. you don't commit atrocities like that, they don't tell you to leave a story. that's the ugliness of it. >> yeah. thanks for bringing us down. >> keeping it real. >> on that note, we're going to move it on. i think the media is to blame for this path, because they make the path easy and romantic to choose. it's about seeking attention and the media makes it appealing. you can do it and get away it. coming up, a story so mind boggling, you might want to wear where are mind boggling protector. i don't know.
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live from america's news headquarters, i'm jackie ibanez in new york. the east coast and the nation's midsection getting slammed by a major winter storm today. the storm dropped snow and freezing rain and caused thermometers to drop to bone-chilling temperatures. the storm caused hundreds of accidents, resulting in at least six traffic deaths. airports are also reporting hundreds of cancellations and delayed flights. winter weather advisories are up from denver to bangor, maine. the surgeon who dracreated life-saving heimlich maneuver has died. dr. henry heimlich died after suffering a heart attack earlier
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in the weak. he devised the maneuver to save choking victims in 1974. dr. henry heimlich was 96 years old. i'm jackie ibanez. now back to "the greg gutfeld show." this we can, donald trump continues to treat being president in the exact same way i would, if i were 12 years old, meaning awesome. first, he chose rex tillerson as his secretary of state. not only is tillerson an oil tycoon, he's also named rex. rex is the greatest name ever. it rhymes with pecs. and then he met with kanye and said they discussed, quote, life. oh, to be a fly on that wall. only because it was probably an awesome wall. now there are reports that he might be giving a job to my second favorite stallone.
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that's right, sylvester stallone, not frank. he's being considered for chairman of the national endowments for the arts, a federal agency that funds asp e aspiring artists and creative projects. sly, a long tootime fan of the donald is said to be pumped over the job. rocky is also a great pick for anyone who thinks that donald won't be hard on russia. >> those were the days, right? i don't even know what that means anymore. i'm excited, kat. sylvester stallone, he was in "cobra." >> yeah. >> nobody saw "cobra." >> i did. >> did you? >> yeah. i'm most excited about the rick perry thing. as a libertarian, i think it's a great idea to appoint people to head up departments that they have previously said should be abolished. what a great way to keep the
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government under control! >> also, he didn't like -- he didn't even remember the name of it. >> you've got to remember the name of his job, and if he can do that, i'm sure it will all be great. >> that had to happen to me on certain mornings, i wake up and i'm not sure where i'm going. i'll go to an old job, bernie, and just show up. and i will smell of peppermint schnaups. you know, rex tillerson, rex is 687 on the list of popular baby names. i predict that will move up. >> very popular. >> is it number five on dog names, though? >> yes, it is! >> rex! >> is rex short for something? >> no, it's not. >> tyrannosaurus rex. >> rex means king. >> rex in effect. all i want to do is a zoom, zoom, zoom, in your boom, boom. >> let's stop.
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>> the choice of an exxonmobil ceo is a very slick choice if you ask me. >> nice! >> listen, rocky, silver stallone, he better be careful. everybody loves him now, but now he attaches himself to trump. cnn is going to have him with neo-nazi ties, he performs a sex act on david duke back in the day, all this stuff will come out, he's in big trouble, supporting jim crow laws. but otherwise, it's not a bad choice. >> stallone was a great choice. and everyone forgets "rocky" is a timeless classic. >> he wrote it himself! >> "rocky," "rambo," "rambo." i mean, he has done -- >> "death ray." >> he has done so many different engine ras of stuff, he is so talented. and we forget that. stallone is legit -- >> "stop or my mom will shoot." >> hey, we all did 'em. whatever. whatever. i'm just saying, the point is, it's really -- a guy who would understand, someone who wrote their first script and trying to
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get that break, he was in that position. and they wont have to do the soft porn job in the shower, because stallone got it. >> call the italian stallion. i looked at it for research purposes. 17 times. >> he made us watch. >> i like it when people watch me watch porn. it's a weird fetish. >> um. >> that was the natural response. you know, interesting fact, rex tillerson, anagram, rent sex eye roll. >> is that what you do in your spare time? >> yeah, when i do have spare time, i go to anagram. zpli thought you were looking at porn, but you were doing anagrams. >> anagrams are great. thoughts on this? anything, thoughts? >> rex tillerson, great appointment. stallone, going to politics. stallone, now that we have trump, we could have stallone as president! >> yes, we could. it's all -- everything's changed. >> everything is changing. and we would trust stallone. >> yes!
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>> are you okay over there? >> no! >> what's wrong? >> watch me watch this. how would i -- >> yes, it's a tertiary stimulation. >> are you watching? >> bernie? things are going weird right now. i don't know where to go with this. >> let me just say about rex tillerson, the guy's taking a pay cut from $26 million a year to basically nothing. but as far as some of these celebrities, what about scott -- he's never going to work again. he's going to need a job big-time because he came out strong for -- >> it would be great, he would be press spokesman, like in charge, like he could have nicole egert off on the side. a delightful woman. why don't you enlist hollywood special effects and create fictional superhumans for the cabinet to scare isis. they're so gullible, you could have like giant raptors from "jurassic park" as secretary of defense. >> or like optimus prime. >> yes, perfect!
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a transformer! you know what those are, kat? >> yes, they're the -- the shh things. i get that they probably transform. >> yes. yes. all right, i think we're going to go, on that night. which i would call a down note. for america. coming up, more of this great show, because we are contractually obliged to provide it. but before we get to that, tyrus is getting more comfortable in his new gig here at fox news. so we've decided, or he decided, to introduce himself to some fox talent. here's our first installment of -- >> go in there, introduce myself. don't be afraid. don't be nervous. a big personality. i got this. i got this. go. miss preo. >> well, hello! >> i'm tyrus. >> i think we've met before. >> official. i'm a fox news contributor now. >> wow, they really let you in the building? >> funny. >> congratulations! >> i'll give you a hug.
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>> would you like a book? you can have one of my books, sure. sometimes you need some good news. >> yeah, that is the first one. have you heard about this, "a dog named jasper"? >> no, i've seen some things. >> who hasn't. this is something i think you would love. it's called "the little book of light." you know greg gutfeld, right? he would never give you this book. he had give you "the little book of dark". the it has all of these nice saying. it's like, discover your true self. >> excuse me? what is this? >> that's actually not for me. >> but it's right next to your coffee cup. you know what, i'm going to go. okay. >> it isn't opened. >> yep, sure. okay. did you want your book signed? >> no. >> okay. walked around the shelter,
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they're defending hate at ohio state. remember abdul ali artan? he was the ohio state student and isis disciple who tried to mow down people in his car, then got out and tried to stab them before he was shot dead by a campus police officer. it's what i call a happy ending. but this week, activists -- yeah, you can applaud his death. but activists actually gathered on campus to protest the killing, adding artan's name to a recent list of people of color who have been killed by police, because that's a perfectly logical comparison, if you're an idiot. they noted that although they don't condone the incident, they still have compassion for the attacker. thank god for that distinction. but i'm guessing compassion for the hero cop who killed him or the 11 people who he injured probably wasn't a priority. after the protest, students were
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encouraged to attend a rally against donald trump. so the organized event supporting a terrorist, then a rally damning a president-elect. i don't know about you, but i'm beginning to think that these activists are [ bleep ]! all right, tyrus. tyrus, okay, i go to you for no particular reason, but what do you think about them lumping a terrorist in with other black people who have been shot by police? >> first of all, get out. he was stabbing people and he was shot. >> yes. >> fair. >> yes, i think so. >> but i think -- you know, this is what it is to be an american. like, a point of privilege where you can say ridiculously stupid things like that and get air time. because i would like to do a little experiment. we'll take the knife out and let's give kat a spork and have her charge at the activists and
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start stabbing them with a spork before they go, shoot her! and she's stabbing them, because they're not in that danger. that police officer, he saved lives, because he would have kept going. there's 11 people alive today because of that police officer. so it's good for -- yeah. but here's the thing. we got our own issues. our docket is filled. we got to stay out. you keep isis with the brothers, we got no room for you. everybody wants to be next to us. they want our chaise, they want our music, you can't get our troubles. keep your ass over there, or you're going to get trumped! >> exactly! isn't this an example of the consequences of moral relativism, where you see, we're flo better than the terrorisms.
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>> yeah, you would think. if someone was literally committing a terrorist attack, if there's ever an objective moral stance, it would be, it's totally cool to shoot and kill that person! come on! >> it's amazing you have to explain it. >> he was stabbing people, not, you know, that's not like a new way to say hello. he's trying to kill these people! so that's why they killed him. they weren't just out there being like, let me look for somebody to kill because i'm a cop and i'm racist. he was trying to stop him from murdering your fellow students, you lunatics! >> but he was a student, bernie. he was a student, too! why didn't they taze him? you know, if they tased him, they would have say, why did you taze him. >> this is not political correctness, this is abject madness. this lunacy is partly why trump got elected. and if trump -- if donald trump can pick up the phone and call carrier to keep some jobs, governor kasich can call up ohio state university and have the
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administration throw these mutts off campus and maybe into guantanamo for sympathizing with the terrorists. this is horrendous! >> or offer some kind of interesting internship that promises traveling abroad, tom. you say it like it's an exotic area and you never really tell them where it is until all of a sudden they get off the plane and they're in like -- >> six hour in the gaza strip. >> exactly! exactly. and they get to know isis up close and personal. >> well, when this kind of thing happens, i actually like to see their philosophy, you know what i mean? because the thing is that they don't -- you say immoral relativism. but really, they divide the world into us and them. they keep saying, let's all together. but they don't really think that. they have their world, divide the people into the powerful and powerless. they thought "zero dark thirty"
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had a bad ending. why did they kill the old man? he was just sleeping. he wasn't doing anything wrong. you know how they have do not resuscitate for people, they sign those directives, in that is -- they should have, do not defend things. so tease people should go to the police department and sign a do not defend. wherever they're in trouble, nobody could defend them. >> it's call the gutfeld rule. >> i think it works. >> you know, demonizing cops and apologizing for terrorists is what the democrats are all about. that's essentially what you see here. there's no difference between this guy and osama bin laden, except the scale of the massacre. >> not any good at it. >> not as good at it. >> that's the only difference. and that they don't get this is, again, it's lunacy, it's insanity. and somebody should do something. there's got to be a reaction for what they're doing. >> they just need to have dirty harry go on and say, when i see a guy in the park stabbing people, i shoot the bastard.
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>> good. i think it was organized in part by the international socialist organization. spruced? they're all the same. all right, coming up, a segment so shocking your hair will stand on its end. unless you're bald and then it won't. kat tries to sell over-priced crap to the masses. in other words, just another day in times square. ♪ ♪ see ya next year. this season, start a new tradition. experience the power of infiniti now, with leases starting at $319 a month. infiniti. empower the drive.
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(vo) it's the holidays at verizon, and the best deals are on the best network. with no surprise overages, you can use your data worry free and even carry over the data you don't use. and right now get four lines and 20 gigs for only $40 per line. you'll even get the iphone 7, the samsung galaxy s7, the pixel phone by google, or the motoz droid absolutely free. hurry, these offers end soon. get the best deals and the best network, only on verizon.
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goop. that's gwyneth paltrow's out of touch website.
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specifically their annual holiday gift guide. this year's items include an $8,300 yert. not a yacht, a yert. $120 tooth paste, and an $85 bag of magic rocks. they're probably not magic. in other words, stuff regular people buy. kat timpf traveled to a strange land called times square to learn more. >> like most kids, i used to lie awake at night wondering, when is gwyneth paltrow going to start a lifestyle website? finally, my dreams came troop with goop.com. their holiday gift guide is amazing. everybody needs to know about it. i'm so excited. let's go! so gwyneth paltrow released holiday gift guide. which one of these items do you need to buy? banana case, lighter and ashtray, wine opener, magic rocks, bowl, other bowl? >> honestly, i don't think i would buy any of them.
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>> i think you pronounced all of them wrong. >> not really interested in any of those. >> really? not even the banana case? >> that's appealing, but no? >> just going to walk around with an unprotected banana? >> pretty much, yeah. >> that doesn't sound very safe. >> i'm into rocks. >> those are magic rocks. >> i like magic rocks. >> you're into rocks? >> yeah. >> what's your favorite rock? >> granite. >> he has a favorite rock. which one of these items would you want to buy? i feel like this $350 bowl. >> can i use bad language? >> yeah. yeah. >> [ bleep ]. >> all right, so what about this $1,250 ashtray/lighter combo? >> no. i don't smoke. i don't feed to light anything. >> what if you start smoking. don't you want to be prepared? okay. how about the $100 wine opener? >> i have one, but it's made of silver or something like that? >> it's made out of gwyneth paltrow.
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>> wow, okay. okay. yeah, can i get more than one or just -- >> all of them. you should get all of them. would you be interested in a $400 banana case? >> a bit pricey. >> i feel like no price is too large to protect your banana. >> you got that right, honey. >> gwyneth paltrow won an oscar. now do you want to buy the bowls? >> no. >> wow. really insulting. really insulting. so what did we learn? nobody appreciates gen s gwyn paltrow, nobody gets goop and christmas is ruined! >> excellent work down there in times square. no one ever does any moss down there, do they? >> though, we invented it just now. >> all right. well, poor gwyneth, going through a rough period, called
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life. >> she had shorty robes on there. just fl your size. >> i don't wear shorty robes anymore. officers say that i shouldn't be wearing them in public next. final thoughtings next! [ sneezes ] i have a big meeting when we land, but i'm so stuffed up, i can't rest. nyquil cold and flu liquid gels don't unstuff your nose. they don't? alka-seltzer plus night liquid gels fights your worst cold symptoms. plus, unstuffs your nose. oh, what a relief it is.
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so basically we have two production options... hey guys, i gotta call you back. (phone ringing) hello? hi mom! oh, hi sweetie! how are you? give a keurig brewer this holiday and they will think of you everyday.
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look at this wonderful sweater i got. it was a gift today. it lights up, but i don't know how. but why would you want to light up something that has a magical unicorn on it. it might hurt him. i don't want to hurt him. quick program note, our next show is new year's day. we're back sunday january 1st at 10:00 p.m. eastern time. it's not just a regular show, it's a special new year's day show. we're calling it the year of trump. or the year in trump. not sure. we're almost out of time. so -- >> what you wanted to say all show but haven't had the chance to say, so here's your chance to
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say it, right now. >> tommy? >> greg, you know, i host a show call red eye. you've heard of it, greg. >> it's gone downhill, but -- i'm kidding! i love tom. >> i continue my career as a poor man's gutfeld, because i'm filling in for you on "the five" over the holidays and i want to encourage you to keep taking days off, because when i fill in for you on "the five," people become aware that i have a show on at 3:00 in the morning that they've never heard of. so i will continue to eat the crumbs of greg gutfeld's career. >> i like that. bernie? >> yes, greg, you know, i host a show, a radio show on wabc in new york city and i'm on the "ives and the morning show," we talk a lot about bill de blasio who is offering therapy to city workers who are stressed out about the trump victory. maybe he should offer them stock brokers so they can cash in on the trump recovery and they won't be these bedwetting idiots. i also love the fact that trump
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turned big, bad lebron james into a snowflake looking for a safe space when we wouldn't stay at trump's hotel in our city here. >> i heard that. tyrus? >> my final thought, i'll be reading from "the little book of light," 106, give yourself love every day. look in the mirror and say, "i respect you, i admire you, i love you." and by the way, you're pretty cute, too. >> all right. kat? >> okay, i just, you know, let everybody know that if you text somebody and they don't text you back, it's not a big deal, because maybe they just didn't like that one. you can keep texting them again and again and again and again. and the more you text them, the higher odds you'll send one they do like and you'll be together forever. >> nice. nice. >> thanks to tom, bernie, katherine, tyrus, our studio
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audience. i'm greg gutfeld. i love you, america. with my family. watters' world starts nowment after hillary clinton's crushing defeat, the left blames russia for swinging the election. it is parare for the course. y we know what it is going on. it was sour grapes. i did not say sour grapes. watters' goes to canada to track down the celebrities that promised to move there after the election. she's your new neighbor and moving to can if truch was elected. you are more than welcome. >> i go to the

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