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tv   The Greg Gutfeld Show  FOX News  January 14, 2017 10:00pm-11:01pm PST

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"the greg gutfeld show" is next. good night. see you next week. ♪ greg: no, you won't. shut up, you lost, get over it.
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last week just whiz by, sorry flew by. we had hearings, protest hearings within a week. this is shocking, classified documents presented last week to president-elect donald trump including allegations that russian operatives claim to have been complementing personal information about him. greg mark their stuff in this dossier we can make it especially if you have children in the room and it's why i hate children. they ran everything. the summary claims russia heads compromising information on trump which involves sex with bodily fluids none of which i have ever participated in including that time in berlin when i was a struggling model being passed around that leather clubs. i was broke. buzzfeed's defense's supporters already saw this stuff, why can't you?
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holding it in would be criminal because buzzfeed are such hard-hitting journalists. yeah right, go to buzzfeed homepage. you'll find some examples of fine reporting like these selena gomez posed kind of and it's pretty hot. 12 amazingly delicious ways to eat more mango. 19 practically impossible questions for every kardashians fan. you must admire the bravery in their pursuit of truth about mango. in a tribute to buzzfeed's brilliant method of framing garbage in its stories here are seven reasons why buzzfeed should not have run the dossier. number one, none of that was verified because that checking is hard and buzzfeed is too busy finding pictures of melons that look like kim kardashians asked. to it was opposition research not intel meaning it was meant to be like a buzzfeed article featuring melons that look like
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kim kardashians asked. number three the disinformation has been around forever and no one touched it. it was like the last hotdog at 7-eleven. if you eat it you own it. and you will probably your pants after. [laughter] number four, the idea that trump would have hookers defile a bed because president obama slept in it, it sounds like a bieber dream written by sean penn on a nisqually and bender. you believe that you believe bill clinton is faithful and lena dunham is talented. [laughter] [applause] number five, buzzfeed never ever would have published this if it were about obama. [applause] number six, buzzfeed never would have published it if there were about obama. number seven buzzfeed never would have published this if it were about obama.
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[applause] i needed to get to seven but i ran out at number five. it's true, can you imagine any outlet running this month about our low -- lollipops coated ray of sunshine that is president obama? hell no, you would lose your reputation and job. it would be lower than anthony weiner. this is not to dismiss russia's effort. gathering smut on people is their thing. you might very well have stuff on trump. i would be shocked if they didn't. they have stuff on all of us, including me read back when i was in shape. the russians have their fingers in everything. how else can you explain what happened in this really, really, really happened on "msnbc" on thursday. >> you hear general mattis today
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in mike pompeo the cea director almost wearing they are going to be -- on russia, russia, russia, russia. >> is real, it actually happened and so in summary our president-elect isn't even president yet and we are break out the best sex scandal ever. this is going to be a great ride. [applause] [applause] let's welcome tonight's guest he says shocking his jokes give him static cling anthony cuvier. she has coffee mugs -- their
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freshener in his car is an actual pine tree. "fox news" contribute here tied wrists. [applause] and even when she's walking on sunshine she complains about burned feed national review reporter "fox news" contributor catherine tams. [applause] anthony my favorite part of this whole scandal is that you keep getting to say the word dossier. >> if i can old spy movie but a little wetter. >> what would you call this movie if you are a bond film? >> oh my god the spy who came in from the. >> bathroom? >> yes. >> i thought you might say goldeneye that anyway.
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[laughter] carrie i have to say i think president-elect trump's explanations for dismissing this were so sound effect that he said germaphobe and their cameras in every room, i thought that was smart because it made sense, right? meem what? sure, i guess that's my defense every time. you guys have seen the ugly face, right? greg: would he make of these? >> it's all fascinating. this whole thing is really fun to watch. it gets more and more interesting. i think it's going to be a fun four years. greg: sorry, eight years. [applause] tyrus after one year of this we are going to say this is the greatest thing ever. >> he's going to go for 16 years, greg.
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wow somebody has something on donald trump. i have something on donald trump everyone in here has something on donald trump. he says the same thing every time. he probably threw the sheet back , oh yeah? greg: if you are running buzzfeed would you have run this dossier? everybody could see it. without a been an excuse? >> no. people at seen it and don't publish something if while you were saying it you say there are serious reasons to doubt that this is actually true. it doesn't really matter and even if it were true i don't think people would care that much because when trump was running people were saying he is hitler. when people are concerned about you being hitler it really isn't that bad. greg: i think it's interesting
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you have people applaud over something like that. do you know what i love about the buzzfeed thing? the transparent excuse. they ran it because it was interesting. when we did the anthony weiner story we didn't do it because it was about politics. >> it's because you want to say it on tv. greg: exactly. >> it's interesting in its wackiness like an urban legend. you want them to be true. everyone wants this to be true but let's be real, come on. greg: it's like the richard gere story. there's no indication of it at least that you can find. >> he gave testimony. greg: there will be a hearing on that next week. the one thing that blows my mind in this dossier they talked ab meeting with russians in prague.
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they didn't stop to think that's trump's lawyer. there are probably 100,000 michael colin's in the world. there is a little bit of hypocrisy here we have to point out and even though buzzfeed is trafficking in this innuendo so to trump. let's be honest "the national inquirer" was on his side the entire time publishing stuff. >> but that was all true. greg: he sent her birtherism so what is good for the goose is good for the gander however i still think it's hilarious. >> it will go down as hilarious. greg: ride time do we have time? just to welcome ms. keegan to the show. >> don't pinpoint me now. it's the first time i've been here since you had an audience. greg: isn't that exciting? [applause] on that note you complement our
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show i should complement your recent appearance on the apprentice. >> carrie you are terminated. now, get to the chopper. [laughter] >> that is the strangest thing to say. greg: is a woodchipper from the scene in fargo? i love their faces now. it's almost like you got the death penalty. >> the two of them were crying in the seen before. i was the only ones like, oh my god. greg: do you know why you one? you worked for two days and they are still working. >> the catchphrase, it's the one movie, commando? all the catchphrases. that movie is not in circulation in a more?
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>> did they do, you won't be back? >> she doesn't have the same writer any more clearly. greg: the hair is not looking good either. we have got to move on. a week of confirmation hearings and what we learned? i've learned what he is wearing his glasses jeff sessions looked a lot like ben franklin. [applause]
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greg: there were lots of hearings this week and they were nothing short of thrilling but the real story that seems to be flying under the radar is an outbreak of a contagious disease on capitol hill. it inflicts its victims during serious congressional testimonies. >> have opposed the closing of it but as attorney general. several minutes later it struck again.
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greg: there were nearly a dozen outbreaks over the course of the weekend in some cases the patient was unable to stand. in other cases the illness seemed to cause a cognitive disorder where the patient assumed an entirely new identity and was unable to be controlled. patients were removed and brought to the hospital for treatment. this disease has befuddled the medical community. sinclair how the virus is spread. some say it's airborne but some claim it can be caused by stupidity. dr. so far have been prescribing showering and getting a day job. it seems to be helping. we reached out to the cdc for further comment and they said who are you and please stop calling. meanwhile the hearings to go on
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despite the medical emergencies and many of the cabinet nominees face questions however the toughest questions came from the junior senator from new kansas. let's take a look. >> so senator sessions before we confirm you for this important important post a need to know do you feel like it is incredibly inappropriate that scott just completely stopped texting you back instead of telling you what i did wrong so i could have closure and grow from experience? >> my view is that you are correct about this. >> yeah but you also said i didn't have a right to be mad even though i can see that scott had been liking jessica's facebook post. >> you can disagree but that's what i think. >> even though i literally heard her say that curious george is better than elf? it's the story of an adult man and in a yellow hat who only hangs out with a monkey. >> what i was getting at was that this is a continual problem and will continue to be a problem. >> the donning pink is possible
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i will find find love in 2017? >> i don't accept that. >> i think you should take my number. it's 55555555. old-school, nice. you should call me. [applause] greg: awful. carrie i can't help but notice when you look at the protesters they are all kind of alike. they are like their own worst argument. >> this is going to get very awkward. greg: d you have a lot of protesters in your family? >> now, maybe. on either side it doesn't matter what side you are on way to stuff like that you look stupid. greg: yeah you do look stupid. i don't know why there are more protesters on the left. i would say this because they
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have more time to do it. [applause] these are people who can't even persuade their own parents that they are right. that's why they're yelling at people and by the way what are they protesting about? what are they done anthony? >> they haven't really done anything bad that i can see. i fully expect them to a some point. that's part of the fun and allure that is the donald. the protesters are ridiculous. they protest every step along the way. they have spelled spelled out trumps demise every step of the way and he continues to be amazingly trump and in but i don't see -- the last thing is to rush the guy holding the bible at the inauguration. the last-ditch effort like a hail mary just to rush him. greg: this is one of my favorite pre-general mattis was asked another identity question from a democrat and his answer is great.
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>> we have to stay focused on a military that is so lethal that on the battlefield will be the enemy's longest day in their worst day. >> to believe that allowing lgbt americans to serve in the military or women in combat is undermining our lethality? >> frankly senator i have never cared about what two consenting adults do in the bedroom. [applause] greg: tyrus a call this political adult swim. all the children have gone to bed and i get is happy parents that are scary. >> what if somebody said stop, let them speak, go ahead. [laughter] i will just go. greg: i didn't have anything planned. >> is hollywood's fault. in every movie, who speaks and then they speak and they say i'd
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never thought of that. it never works but i'm cool with him. they can put them in 12 positions of the cabinet, i'm good. that was a great answer. that was a great answer. greg: essentially he says the army isn't about i don't know reeducating society on ideas of tolerance. it's about killing. it's a lethal death machine. that's what it does and it's about time that somebody played that game. >> absolutely that they have to play the game always because it's really all they have. the army need to focus on protecting me. they want to be in their personal lives that's okay. a lot of people are in their lives and did nothing useful. you are focusing on that and i hope if you are ever under attack all those people that could have been here to protect you are a bunch of so i guess you are on your own. greg: we have a surgeon to
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operate in your heart who believes in tolerance and identity but he's the worst surgeon. all the other surgeons were [bleep]. >> they were paying attention and studying in the other guy was at rallies. [applause] do you have the rest of that found were after she answers the question she just looks like -- greg: exactly. don't go to a doctor with diversity training. he was operating on cadavers. >> a solid. seen it for years we have just seen political babble. there's something to be said about being old and cranky. >> i can't wait. this is not about you in 20 years. greg: 10 years. it's true.
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i would have gone in my bathrobe and i would have held a rake. those kids, those kids get out of here. >> get off my lawn. greg: up next detail so tall you will need need a stepladder prefers president obama's goodbye. what will he do next? i can see him getting into politics. politics. [applause]
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reporter: i'm matt finn. we are days away from the resident.ion of donald trump as crews are getting the stage ready at the capital where the chief justice of the supreme court will administer the oath of office. hundreds of thousands of people expected to attend. president-elect trump firing back at congressman john lewis on twitter who says he will not attend the inauguration and does not consider mr. trump a legitimate president. trump says lewis should spend more time helping his district. holiday known for her role in dream girls pulled pout due to pressure her lgbt fans.
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greg: it is the end of the rain for a man named hussein. the melodrama over mr. obama. so the president leaves office in under a week it's reached a fever pitch and the left can't hold itself together. in his farewell address to the nation the president talks about living in a bubble. seen increasingly we have become so secure in our bubbles that we start accepting only information whether it's true or not that fits our opinions instead of basing our opinions on the evidence that is out there. greg: sure he says that now when his term is over. he's been thinking about this bubble a lot. back before the farewell speech he admitted to living in the bubble. >> the bubble is the bubble and
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i think we have done a pretty good job staying in touch with the american people but at a certain point you can't help but lose some feel for what's on the ground because you are not on the ground. >> you didn't think donald trump could wind? a case in point. greg: he didn't see a child when coming. remember when he said isis was a surprise? >> the ability of isil to initiate major land offenses, that was not on my intelligence radar. greg: oh great. given that this will be our very last show with president obama as president -- [applause] terrible, terrible. the most applause ever in the studio.
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anyway we thought they would pay a tribute to him with what we believe our president obama's greatest moments. >> as you know there's a growing growing disrespect for government. thank you and goodnight. greg: they got a little confused. kat, what do you make of this whole bubble talk and what you think president obama's going to do next? >> i didn't really watch because i was watching all those tweets going across. greg: trump overshadowed. >> the bubble talk again is something he needs to say. of course he still on the bubble. he is very good at giving speeches and very good at being a dude that everyone loves. he's not okay with not being loved which is why he didn't follow up on a lot of things he said he was going to do. greg: interesting. what do you make of this exit? >> first of all -- [laughter]
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if nothing else obama showed that the white house is for everybody. [applause] his speech i think and the one thing he is good at is -- i don't land the republicans in the issues of his presidency. his own party hate him. [applause] >> you said it couldn't be done. i think his own party was jealous and the fact that he was was -- the one thing donald trump does very well the guys he fought with don't work for him and obama has to make deals with people and that's why the democratic party is the way it is. they are very dysfunctional and he's going out on the red carpet and saying goodbye and i hope he goes off into the sunset and enjoys and gets away from it. just go away.
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i love you, i love you. greg: do you have any suggestions over what president obama should do next? >> suggestions? sure. i think he and i should do a talk show together. greg: there you go. >> you would never get a word in. >> i think you are right. he is a fantastic speaker. he should be doing a lot more of that. greg: i'm not for soaring rhetoric. >> he's a professional politician and we have become so sick and tired of it that we elected donald trump. [applause] >> i don't think the white house is for everybody. if al sharpton was invited who is the one person that should have been in there they should have dropped them off at the irs building. [applause] >> al sharpton is the worst dude to ever be in the white house.
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>> i understand what you meant and if he is going to chicago to live he would need a kevlar bubble. that city is out of control. he is done nothing about it and his buddy ron can't do anything about it either. greg: cd-rom is what i like to call him. president obama is young enough to play himself in all the movies that will be made about him. there's no need to get an actor to play him because he's still youthful or you can turn it around and play with will smith in the will smith story. what do you think of that? can you imagine him reading a script verbatim about his history as president? he can't see it unless he steps away and looks. on that note still to come tyrus roams the halls and talked to major "fox news" host who is now in traction.
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a lot of people deserving of full set of rights. i say yes just so they don't strangle me when i sleep. [applause] are you getting this? these numbers are off the charts... sir! what's the status? there's a meteor hurtling towards earth. how long until impact? less than a minute. what do you want to do, sir? listen carefully... if we all switch to geico we could save 15% or more on car insurance. i like the sound of that. geico. because saving fifteen percent or more on car insurance is always a great answer.
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greg: it's about time for optimist prime. rhubarb rights are now a thing. the european parliament committee i.e. men in powdery wigs propose granting legal status to robots. the idea is part of a wide-ranging report on how humans can stay in control as artificial intelligence expands in the coming decades. under the law quote the most sophisticated autonomous robot could be established as having the status, the status of electronic person for specific rights and outpatients including that of making good and the damage they may cause.
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translation, robots may kill your entire family but at least they will have to pay you back. the report calls for a kill switch that humans get used to shut down the robot like when your robot has too much to drink at a party. [laughter] greg: class anthony but it's pretending to be fallible. they are pretending to be adorable. they're waiting for the moment to rise up. they are going to get so smart that we will be the barnyard animals. we will be the chickens to them and they will treat us like chickens. >> that would make a great movie. i love technology, love this whole robot thing but they are a lot more dangerous to us than we are to them.
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i don't think they need rights. everything that you talk to at home can rat you out. i don't like that and if they have rights i made my toast a little light. now i have to be tolerant. it's a wonder for world-weary in. greg: i never thought of it that way. carrie people think that everyone is going to have robots and have sex with him. people will feel uncomfortable about robots looking like humans. >> first of all. >> first of all have you all seen terminator because we all know how this ends. it's going to go terribly and obviously we are using them for sex until they get so powerful they turn around and use us for sex and then they figure out that we are just humans and we can't satisfy them and the whole thing starts over. they will create and there's a whole sex -- cycle. greg: they are going to start
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dating large trucks. all the robot's will be. >> i'm against any of that. >> now surprise. greg: i am worried. you know i'm worried he do i have a right to be worried? >> i got downloaded last night, roe. i wouldn't give as far as the sex thing goes we wouldn't give them rights if we are going to have sex with them. they would say no, you never call me or you never change my keyboards are you never talk to me. you are like a panda. all that stuff. i am just assuming what a computer would complain about.
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i never take her anywhere. greg: you have really thought about this. >> no rights. greg: you seem like you have been with an imaginary robot lover already. >> she is not imaginary. [applause] greg: i know you will do little to me for my concern that i believe i have been proven correct. i predicted they would have rights and now they are. >> i have this huge problem where really want to hire someone for my apartment but i don't want another person in my apartment so this is perfect. as soon as we start treating them like people it's all over. i love my microwave but i don't say i love you in my pop or news done. we can't give them rights. they're not people. they are not people. greg: remember that 40 years and now. the robots tolerance museum, they are going to play that.
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>> by the way the picture will be of me and i x-box. greg: this is what she said, they are not human. >> it's a very effective strategy. >> the microwave does actually say enjoy. my appliance again telling me to enjoy. greg: you know what you are this separating it from consciousness. they don't have appeal in that's why they will still be superior. back i know once demand the catalog the cornucopia of truthfulness. [applause] you could spend days weeding through financial
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>> welcome back, greg fell asleep. i'm kat. in a gracious just a few days away and there's bound to be plenty of partisan d.c. which is
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fine. take a personal day for something you're passionate about. one time i skipped work to follow bd long around all day. [laughter] but a group called the national women's liberation is encouraging women across the country to go on strike for inauguration weekend, strike meaning no work paid or unpaid. women are pledging to not go to their job, not clean the house, not take care of the kids and not wear makeup. first of all that's going to do nothing. the inauguration is happening, guys, it's happening and let's not pretend it's some heroic acts to not wear makeup. on new year's day i woke up looking like a woman who had just -- but i still won out and got a bagel without alerting "the huffington post." speaking of things i'm tired up, we still have to describe oversensitive as snowflakes? is that insulting to actual
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beautiful snowflakes? [laughter] i don't care that these people think they are special and unique paid the problem is they expect people to give a which snowflakes never do. in fact spoiler alert, snowflakes don't talk at all. believe me, i have tried. finally, the independent called ryan gosling's golden globe acceptance speech sexes that rethink his wife eva mendez for taking care of their family while he was filming love a land look i'm a single woman and i would much rather spend my sundays at runge then at teletubbies on ice. also tinky-winky is very likely a serial killer and i'm terrified that he will murder me in my sleep. calling gosling's speech sexist is a big slap in the face for the millions of women who stay
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home to take care of their families. we should applaud them. [applause] thank you, as you should. he was honoring his wife are doing very important work just like i'm honoring his delicious abs by showing you this picture. now that was sexes. can i get an egg donation point please? [applause] greg: if he's working for me and signed a protest for an eye duration i would fire him. you've got to go to work. especially if you're not doing anything. in my right? you are just thing home. that's basically playing hooky and you should be fired. this is again why robots are superior. robots would never pull this. nobody is responding to me anymore.
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we are going to take one last break but first family play a little more jimmy carter? >> whenever you have a chance to say something good about -- the greg that felled show. thank you and goodnight. [applause] pickckckckck whatcha doin'? just checking my free credit score at credit karma. what the? you're welcome. i just helped you dodge a bullet. but i was just checking my... shhhhh... don't you know that checking your credit score lowers it. just be cool. actually, checking your credit score with credit karma
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doesn't affect it at all. are you sure? positive. huh, so i guess i could just check my credit score then. oh! check out credit karma today. credit karma. give yourself some credit. sorry about that.
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♪ dun-dun-daaaa! i don't know that an insurance-themed comic book is what we're looking for. did i mention he can save people nearly $600? you haven't even heard my catchphrase. i'm all done with this guy. box him up. that's terrible. greg: don't forget to join me for an event called short stories by short people.
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it's saturday january 28 at warner theater in washington. there will be music by the legendary larry gatlin. go to finally tonight tyrus is now a "fox news" introducing himself to the fox talent around the building and this time he ran into the great is one of time, here's the latest installment of. ♪ >> come on and. >> hi i am tyrus, greg gutfeld's news contributor. i would like to pick your brain. how can i encompass some of the success you have had on the show? >> i start the day i guess like most people. six raw eggs and i try to keep everything really proteins driven. i tried to do a triathlon as
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soon as i can right after the high-protein breakfast just to get going and we get to the end of the day going towards the big show, my show. i've got to have my mind clear so i start doing some yoga an hour before i start reviewing the scripts. >> all right with the exception of yoga? >> if you are going to be great you can't skip anything. you can't skip a day. >> all right. >> that's it. >> i thought you're going to talk about football. >> it's a little like football. you have to have a plan and you have take execute. thank you tyrus. it's great to see you. wow. wow. yeah. [applause]
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>> thanks to anthony to be a keegan and tyrus catherine and our studio audience. i love you america. [applause] >> i think you are delusional if think daniel is going to win over sarah. >> there seems to be some misunderstanding that somehow i
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[♪] jesse: welcome to "watters world." i'm your host jesse watters. earlier i sat down with tommy laren about what she thinks is going on with fake news. there is a specific strove swirling around you and we have to address it off the jump. >> let's do it, i'm an open book. >> your name is it tommy, tony? it's spelled in a strange texas way. i don't get it. how do you


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