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tv   The Greg Gutfeld Show  FOX News  February 4, 2017 10:00pm-11:01pm PST

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'cuz i'm gonna be. and then i'm going to spin. thanks for watching. greg is next, gutfeld. enjoy the super bowl. see you next ♪ >> how dare you! how dare you! [bleep] you! [bleep] you! gregg: wow. nancy pelosi sure seems excited over the super bowl. ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] greg: we're live in houston. the super bowl's just hours away, but let's talk politics, because politics is my super bowl, and donald trump is doing so much so fast, he's like a movie franchise releasing all of
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his sequels at once! ♪ ♪ >> in a world of injustice, one justice reigns supreme. nude man on a unicorn films eansents neil gorsuch, with claude van damme and dofl lundgren. >> so was that a surprise? was it? >> executive action ii, supreme justice. greg: it's even better than the first, and no one can handle trump, including the frantic media, the bed-wetting celebrities, and this, america's sweetheart. >> you should be ashamed of yourself! you should [bleep] it's not up to these students to kick the [bleep] out of neo-nazis. they were -- [bleep] you! >> coming from a professor.
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>> from a professor! greg: she is sexy. that's right, that is a professor screaming at the nypd. what a peach, a rotten peach. >> she's a professor -- >> [bleep] >> hey, guys, she's a professor. >> you're here to protect neo-nazis so [bleep] you! [bleep] those kids should not have to take this stuff from neo-nazis, and you're putting them this that situation. go to hell! [bleep] you, nypd. greg: i bet she smells great, like a dumpster full of old salad. meanwhile, former comedienne sarah silverman demanded a violent co to up. finish she walked it back. she's about as edgy as a panda part. then -- fart. then there's debra messing. you've got to hand it to trump, he is driving the worst people crazy. i love it!
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they're all turning into this -- >> i'm disgusted! i'm a professor! how dare you! how dare you, [bleep] greg: so what is she a professor of, exactly? how to be a soaring jackass? i love it. donald trump is like an itch that liberals can't scratch until they finally rip their own faces off. it's so bad that they now demand that tom brady renounce his friendship to trump or face their ultimate wrath. of course, these are the same twerps who admired colin kaepernick. colin wouldn't stand for the national anthem. now no one can stand him. he's a large bowl of stupid. so it's saturday night. who would you rather be, a radical ruin like colin, desperately trying to seek
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political relevance as his career dries up, or tom brady who doesn't think donald trump is such a bad guy? one of them is playing the super bowl tomorrow, and the other is sitting home in his dirty che underpants sniffing his fingers. i'll let you decide. [cheers and applause] >> here he he is! greg: let's welcome tonight's guess. he's from the greatest football team in history, the san francisco 49ers, three-time super bowl champion randy cross. [cheers and applause] yes. like a coffee enema, he brightens my day every morning, brian kilmeade. [cheers and applause] she's as grim as she is slim, national review reporter, kat timpf. [cheers and applause] finally, the good year blimp is his throw poem low, fox news contributor, tyrus. [cheers and applause] or brian, because you're the least athletic here, i want to talk politics. protests all over the country against trump.
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it's like trump is starting a mutiny, and the more action that he causes, the more i kind of like him. >> think about this, and in london and australia today. and the thing is to keep this mind, i haven't spoken to one person who voted for donald trump that's disappointed in donald trump -- greg: no. >> this is exactly what he did. he basically took his collection of speeches from his running for president -- greg: yes. >> one by one, he's checking them off, and people are outraged by it. was the rollout on the executive order on the seven-nation pause bad? yeah, absolutely. was the communication bad? absolutely. but since then, think about it. we had someone with a machete in front of the louvre -- greg: right. >> macheting a french soldier because he was not islamic. that's what donald trump's trying to avoid. he's trying to keep the country safe. why don't people realize that? greg: donald trump will make a bad argument for himself, but the facts back up his argument, and everybody's always proven
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right. all right, randy, politics, sports, you're an expert at both. i watch your twitter feed. >> oh, you do. greg: yes. how do you feel about the fact that they're demanding that tom brady relenting wish his friendship -- relinquish his friendship to donald trump? >> anytime i turn on any kind of news or read anything online, it's people losing their flipping minds. greg: i know. >> it's like the lady in the open. my, that escalated quickly. why should tom brady, why should bill belichick, why should robert kraft explain their friendship? it's got nothing to do with what we're doing here this week. greg: no, it's true. kat, as you know a lot of professional athletes, they do a lot of unusual things, they hang out with strippers, they shoot themselves in clubs, they have dogs fight each other. >> which is not nice. greg: i'm against all of that. but here you have a guy who's a friend with the president of the united states, that's evil. >> yeah.
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well, i miss good sports info. when i would go to tiger games, i could impress my uncles by insulting players from the other team. now tom brady's friends with the president, and that's the best insult you can have? if you were sitting at home so concerned that tom brady's out hanging out with the president, maybe you should stop sitting at home. imrg dprg yes. >> finding? else to do with your life. tom brady doesn't care what you think about who he's hanging out with, because he's tom brady. greg: yeah. i went to the same high school as he did. that's all i got, tyrus. [laughter] >> very cool. greg: kind of pathetic that's the only sports trivia -- >> no, you have a link to randy. greg: who? >> to mr. cross. greg: yeah, that's true. my mother and your mother-in-law used to play bridge together at green hills country club. >> that's right. beautiful millbury, california. you are like a sports guy. >> he went to high school with a sports -- >> you're the guy next to the
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guy, next to the guy -- >> who knew the guy. greg: tyrus, did you try out for the dallas cowboys? >> yeah, i did. ended up my aing my -- playing arena football. ing. greg: what are your thoughts on this whole thing? >> first of all, in sports it's great when great athletes are citizens too. and when i say that, i'm talking about muhammad ali, kareem abdul-jabbar that when they went and took on a cause, they took and encompassed a cause. they themselves were the movement. so what they did, you respected because they practiced what they preached. colin kaepernick hadn't become a major star in sports, and then when he decides to be a citizen, he wasn't educated. he didn't vote. he didn't back anything up. he basically said, well, my girlfriend made me do this, and that's why he doesn't get the respect he deserves. be he did all those things to try to make a point.
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he didn't have the afro before. he felt if i grow an afro -- and i can relate to this because i'm light-skinned too -- he thought he'd be taken more credibly, and that's not how it works. greg: i have a theory, i know that kat might not understand this because you're only 12. >> thank you. greg: donald trump is the 1976 to the 1980s oakland raiders. so they were, and a reputation for dirty play -- >> oh, yeah. greg: but they won. they won. [cheers and applause] and the press, the press and the media, they are the 1976 tampa bay buccaneers who lost every single game. i was going to say the 2008 -- >> i can understand going out late and getting your work done the next day. greg: detroit lions, also, were terrible. that's the media. how's that for a theory? >> it's not terrible. i think the raiders didn't give very much of a heck about what everybody else thought. >> they took care of -- >> oh, my god. lyle alzado?
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>> one of my favorite old movies in the '70s was billy jack, it was a terrible movie. >> oh, yeah, great movie, yeah, yeah. >> i'm going to take this right foot and put it on the right side of your face, and there's nothing you can do about it. >> donald trump is the billy jack of presidents. that didn't even occur to me. >> in life if you ever get in trouble, sometimes you say, wow, how do i get out of this? donald trump does not mind the angst that normally overcomes people. he does not mind the stress and the controversy. >> right. >> he embraces it. he does not care because he's thoroughly convinced he is right. greg: yes. >> and people love that. >> to a given extent, he is right. to the protests real quick, i consider that the same thing, they watched their friend hillary get beat up in a street fight, and no one did anything. they didn't vote. and when she was laying down, now they're like, oh, what happened? we're going to protest everything. [inaudible conversations] >> that's screaming professor lady, she was alone.
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she was there by herself. greg: she was defending the students. that is a woman that gets paid to teach kids. by the way, there is no -- i notice that almost all athletes are conservative, and here's why, because liberal ethos does not work. you can't have affirmative action for, like, your offensive line. there are no women in the super bowl tomorrow. that's unfair. that's sexist. >> well, that professor should have been in chicago in 1968 -- greg: yeah. >> at that march. greg: all right, we've got to go. so much more. up next, will the halftime show get political? we have no idea, but we're going to pretend that we do. [cheers and applause] as i was researching my family tree, i discovered a woman named marianne gaspard. i became curious where in africa she was from. so i took the ancestry dna test to find out more about my african roots. ancestry really helped me fill in a lot of details.
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greg: welcome back. my ex-wife, lady gaga, says she'll start the super bowl halftime show the same way that i sleep at night, suspended from the roof. i wonder if it'll be special because she's been planning it since she was 4, so she knows exactly what she's going to do. >> you know, i've been planning this since i was 4. i know exactly what i'm going to do. greg: the only thing i planned
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when i was 4 was my next poo. still, some are wondering if gaga will use the show to take a shot at president trump. meanwhile, there are reports the halftime show will feature hundreds of drones. it's true, she hired the entire msnbc lineup. i couldn't resist it. >> i don't blame you, but i do think she's going to use this opportunity to speak out against trump. she's already indicated that she would, and i think it's totally abhorrent. if it's her concert, i paid, i know what i'm going, but this is not her show. the show's between the team, and it should not be about her or, and and they've got to be in that locker room talking about brady's passes or what ryan completed. and it bothers me be, because i think people are egging her on. greg: right. you know, randy, if there's one thing i want when i'm watching a football game, it's to be lectured by a rich pop singer. >> it's the best way to go. you saw those wings she was
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wearing there, she better have something a little different mind or she'll reach in terminal e velocity in about two seconds. greg: that's right, her and the drones are going to be on the roof. kat, do you like drones? >> no, i don't like the way we use drones against the constitution to kill innocent civilians. however, in terms of lady gaga, do your little song and dance. she's a great performer. she's entertaining to watch. why waste it, i hope that you're wrong, brian, i hope she doesn't talk about trump at all. first of all, we already know how you feel about trump. we already know that you're a, on the trump is bad team. we already know that, that's fine. that'd be like going out and saying i like attention. she wore a meat dress. >> who in the blue hell is she going to be preaching to? her base? i'm not going to watch football, they get concussions. they're going to be watching -- >> don't forget mma. >> yeah. so super bowl is a time to come
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together, we don't talk about politics, we talk about football. if she goes out there and says death to trump, whatever, it's going to be laughable, and it'll backfire. just remember, just get your linsin k straight -- lip sync straight, it should be a rock and roll band anyways. greg: keep in mind -- >> her record sales are going down -- greg: really? >> so this is an opportunity for her to take 50% of the country that would be against that stance and not tell them to go -- greg: but if she comes out for trump, could this be -- she'll come out in a red hat? it could happen. >> right. greg: by the way, if she comes out with a big left-wing kind of thing, we should air drop kid rock down from the roof -- >> i disagree with all that. >> i will also maybe not watch a kid rock performance, but i have before. >> if toby keith did the same thing, i would be saying the same thing. not here, bro. >> it's literally everywhere else all the time. >> we're not going to sit around
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and listen to a speech. >> you remember why we did this? you were playing in the game, randy. people were tuning out at halftime because it was being counterprogrammed by networks like fox. so they got real acts there. but those acts, when they become bigger than the game, are a problem. hence, janet jackson. why would the nfl even allow a controversial person to even perform? >> it doesn't have to be controversial. >> it's one of the hardest parts about the super bowl, is halftime. greg: yeah. >> your normal halftime's, what, 12-15 minutes long?super bowl's. greg: you've got to sit in the locker room -- >> coaches can only x and o for about ten minutes, they're going, i got nothing for you. take a nap, lay down. greg: how does one get a job as, like, a water boy? how do you apply -- >> water boy. as in not water man. greg: no, i'm a water -- >> you aged out. >> it's not water man, it's water boy. >> you're the right height. greg: i am the right height. and i'm great with a towel, i
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really am. >> the falcons, arthur blank is bringing the entire organization to this game because it is a behind the scenes game. >> up until about three months ago, my son was working for the falcons in their sales department. he's pretty sick he's not here. [laughter] he took another job. >> he took another job because they have to sell out that brand new stadium. >> or get boxes and boxes of tissues for them -- >> the falcons are filling that stadium out just fine. brg greg what's your ideal halftime? >> oh, rock and roll. bruce springsteen in tampa was there. rock and roll always sounds better, there's no lip syncing -- greg: i want a high school marching band. >> that was super bowl i. greg: did you know in 1970 it was carol channing? the lady gaga -- >> or the golden days of up with people. greg: yes, exactly. >> chubby checker was also halftime. he was not coming out against trump.
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greg: we can't call him chubby anywhere -- >> >> horizontally challenged. greg: brian kilmeade, you're leaving us. has anyone done a segment yet on super bowl ads? because i think we're going to do that next, and, i know, that's unpredictable, but we're always breaking new ground. but, first, do you know your football terms? kat and tyrus quiz the fans. >> looks like there's some extracurricular activity on the field. [laughter] >> means somebody's doing a little something they shouldn't be doing. >> no, it means, like, volunteer or work, they're doing something they should be doing, like raking leaves for the children. they need to air it out more. >> throw the ball long. >> that means that their socks are wet, and they've got to dry it out on the clothesline. >> no. >> the quarterback has happy feet. >> maybe let the pressure get the him in the pocket, dances and doesn't quite stand in there as calmly like matt ryan does. >> no, that means he has happy
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feet, the movie, on dvd. love those penguins. don't you love those? >> you were correct. >> love those penguins. ♪"all you need is love" plays my friends know me so well. they can tell what i'm thinking, just by looking in my eyes. they can tell when i'm really excited and thrilled. and they know when i'm not so excited and thrilled. but what they didn't know was that i had dry, itchy eyes. but i knew. so i finally decided to show my eyes some love. some eyelove. when is it chronic dry eye? to find out more, chat with your eye doctor and go to it's all about eyelove, my friends.
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remember when you said men are supeyeah...ivers? yeah, then how'd i get this... safe driving bonus check? ...only allstate sends you a bonus check for every six months you're accident free. silence. it's good to be in, good hands. reporter: the justice department is asking a federal appeals court to overturn the president's travel ban.
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the president and first lady attended a ball benefiting the red cross at his resort in palm beach, florida. the president says he's confident the appeal will be upheld. demonstrators were at mar-a-lago where the ball was being held. some guests paid as much as $50,000 to attend. russian-backed rebels in eastern ukraine said one of the rebel commanders died when his car exploded. now back to the greg gutfeld show. show. ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] greg: we're back, and we're in houston.
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it's as sporty as i am shorty. joining us, clay travis. we're going to be talking about super bowl ads because no one else is talking about them. they shell out $5 million for 30 seconds of time. that's more money than bill o'reilly spends on his brill cream. is it worth the cash? [laughter] let's start with this ad from honda. >> when you start out, you might not know where you're going or what you're doing. or why you're carrying this red rose with you. >> believe in yourself. you think that any of these folks believed that i'd make it? >> definitely not. >> here's to chasing dreams and the amazing places they lead. the all new crv. greg: clay, i don't know about you, but that creeped the hell out of me. >> it's also totally ineffective. i just think about it being harry potter, like the moving picture thing. i don't really care what those guys looked like when they were celebrities. we're going to mix tech with a car and hope people get confused.
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greg: i found it was that, that, look at -- haha, look at me, i'm more famous than my obscure friends. i am boycotting yearbooks -- not honda. >> i don't love them at all. i don't fit in them. i don't know if it was a yearbook -- oncare. greg: what do you drive, tyrus? >> i'm a chevy guy. a big truck. greg: i don't know. i just fine -- you know what that tells me? that technology can make us, can frame us in any crime, that they can make -- if they can make anything possible, i'm going to get be framed for some horrible thing that i did in the film in germany. >> that's what you think about. greg: yes. all right. there's another ad. this broke new ground. it features mr. clean, and i think he's been working out. ♪ ♪ >> sarah?
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sarah? cleaning up? ♪ ♪ greg: i'm speechless. randy, what with are you thinking right now? >> every time i see that, i'm just not quite sure i should be watching it. [laughter] greg: you know what it is? >> do they have cameras in their house? greg: i find this whole thing -- clay, i find this disgusting. cartoon/human sex? she's attracted -- it's almost as bad as bestiality. >> yeah -- wow. [laughter] greg: yes, i went there. >> it's important for women. i'm a married guy. this is why i pay, for somebody to come clean the house, because my wife is more likely to sleep with me if the house is clean. greg: wow. >> i really do think it's probably an effective ad for guys -- >> never made that decision that way. >> where's the husband? he's out working two, three jobs, and she's getting it on with mr. clean?
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>> i keep my apartment very, very messy as a feminist act. [laughter] greg: here's my -- i'm just happy -- >> mr. dirty. greg: i think he's brave for coming out in this commercial. i'm happy about that. >> mr. dirty. greg: this is a very disturbing commercial from bud light. >> yeah, to be honest, i don't even have an excuse, man. i'm just going to stay in. >> hello, brian. >> spuds mckenzie? what are you doing here? >> my wrestling people don't drink bud lights with friends. at this very moment your friends are hanging out, you're missing it. >> i just didn't think it was a big deal, you know? greg: this is disgusting. kat, you love this ad -- >> it's amazing. i think more companies should use death to sell products. when he said my soul can't rest when people aren't drinking bud lights with friends, that's amazing. i want my tombstone to say that, please. >> the original spuds mckenzie.
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everybody had t-shirts, it was incredible. i would bring it back and keep him back. >> that guy knew who he was? he was 5 years old. he would have to google his phone and be like -- >> they need to know about death. >> every ad is better with animals. greg: that is true. >> clydesdales -- are. greg: yes, that's true. even puppies. >> why wouldn't he be dead? you know, it's something we immediate to talk about. it's something we all share. >> everyone dies. greg: i don't think it's so -- beer to pets. >> they sold it to me. greg: all right. well, you know, it doesn't take much to get you to drink a beer. >> true. greg: all right. this next ad, surprisingly, is not for quaaludes, it's for avenue avocados. >> avocados, delicious. eat them. eat it! [laughter] everyone loves guacamole.
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for suburban moms. come and get it, hipsters. greg: clay, you think this is an ad for ecstasy? >> i'll tell you what, it's why donald trump is building the wall, let's be honest. [laughter] and also jon lovitz has the best damn agent service all time. how does he get that ad? >> i kind of liked it. >> liked it? >> i just like the casting of it. >> listen, last year the creepiest commercial ever was the gang am style distavern cho. it's off the hook. congratulations jon -- >> i had a night in mexico during college that was just like that. [laughter] greg: and it was with jon lovitz. >> he's the king of creeps. you're the creepy guy in the movie, you bring him in. you need a creepy guy to scare your kid at a party -- greg: did you notice a year ago no one was putting avocado on toast? >> it's very high calorie bread.
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>> you don't get back to car very often, do you -- to california, do you? greg: i'm not allowed back. >> okay. greg: here's a disturbing ad. it's for skittleses, candy for people who can't handle m and ms. >> katie? katie? katie? katie? katie? katie? katie? greg: all right, that was my favorite ad. no? >> i think it was the worst, by far. greg: really? >> oh, yeah, atrocious. greg: what's wrong with it, clay? >> it's boring. >> you want to watch middle-aged people shift around their bedroom on the floor? greg: that's how i get up in the morning. >> i expected mr. clean to come in there at the end. >> yeah.
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jon lovitz on the three -- >> it's amazing to me that somebody made millions of money -- greg: i thought that was a brilliant idea. >> no, that was just -- >> i've never wanted skittles less. >> what were they doing before he started throwing the skittles -- greg: did you notice a trend here? avocados and skittles, some have drug-like powers. people need them. whenever you see drug commercials, they treat them like they're inert substances, like they're walking on the beach after they take lunesta or whatever, but food is the drug. it's kind of interesting how they switched it. does that make sense? >> yeah. avocado, the new crack. >> aye i've eaten an avocado, and i'm fine. >> avocados from mexico. greg: i love them. 21 grams of fat, but it's good fat. >> i don't buy any of that. greg: i have good fat. all right. clay, pleasure. please come back to new york. >> love to do it. greg: all right. up next, a story so hot you'll
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need to wear oven mitts on your face. how can president trump win over all of us lazy americans? it rhymes with paid time off. [cheers and applause] >> if you would like to be part i think we could finally get youra bigger place. yeah, let me check my score too. try credit karma. it's free. credit karma. give yourself some credit.
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greg: we're back on location from houston. he's got more game than mill torn bradley, now joined by mattizeman, host of american ninja warrior. he's also a contestant on the new celebrity apprentice. all right. i've got a theory. president trump can win over the entire country in one easy step, and that is buy me a pony. but also make super bowl monday a national holiday. consider, in a poll of eight people i asked about this at the hotel bar, seven said, yes, it should be a holiday.
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the eighth person said get your hand off my thigh. [laughter] that was tyrus. anyway, heinz ketchup is leading a petition to make it a national holiday claiming 16 million people take the day off anyway, those lazy people. another option, move the game back to presidents' day weekend since the day is already after a holiday. if nothing else, mr. chairman, it would leave us more time to play ping-pong with our cats. [laughter] greg: that's teamwork, matt. much like in the new celebrity apprentice. >> we were just talking about my former teammate, jon lovitz. when you hang out with him, you cannot help but start talking like him. jon lovitz. he was crazy. greg: is this whole feud between trump and schwarzenegger manufactured for ratings? >> they did call me and ask if i thought this would be good. it's surreal, having the
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president of the united states pray for arnold schwarzenegger. don't pray for arnold, i'm final four against boy george. i think -- i don't know if it is manufactured. here's the problem, it happened on, i think, a tuesday or wednesday, and with the news cycle, monday, by the time the episode -- it's going to have moved on. greg: it's time for boy george to change his name to man george -- >> you wanted to be a water boy. greg: all right. i want to ask about this whole thing -- i'm not sure i want a holiday, matt. >> by the way, did john kerry have any influence over this with heinz -- greg: yeah. >> here's my point about this, i feel like this is spinal tap. it's super bowl sunday. why not move it just to saturday and then have sunday be your day off? i mean, because it's called super bowl sunday -- greg: that is too nfl. >> it's already the number one call-in sick day in america. >> yes.
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>> the day after the super bowl. why not just get it over with -- >> we're not working anyway. [laughter] greg: whatever you're doing, i bet there's more industrial accident, the people who get to work with a house lousy hangover to, they get on a forklift, next thing you know, they've crushed their buddy steve -- >> this is especially for people that don't especially care about the game like i do, because if you're not interested in something, what do you have to do? drink until it's interesting. so then the next day is even harder for us. i'm a big fan of it. let's do it. greg: i have a theory, tyrus, that it's not really the alcohol, it's a food hangover. you eat a lot of -- >> it's, you're missing the fans' journey. they start at training camp, they go through the season, through trade, through injuries, they go through their fantasy football letdowns, then the super bowl's a culmination of everything that comes together, and be then there's the big depressing thing i've got nothing to watch for the next -- that's what it is. the day you have to fix your marriage. it's the day you realize you're
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going to have to take her out to dinner this week, that you can no longer duck out of church because it's the big game. now you've got to go. it's a rough ending to the wonderful thing that is football. greg: why don't they just make the game shorter? >> oh okay, stop. stop talking. >> shorter? greg: yes. >> the commissioner talked about that. they want to have fewer commercials. greg: i want fewer penalties. get rid of the penalties. all penalties go away. >> add weapons. >> thunderdome. greg: if you're injured, you stay on the field. >> you're right though, i do think this would be a move, to declare monday a holiday. it's a snow day. we all love a snow day. greg: you know what, though? america prides itself on a work ethic. we're not france. we don't want to turn into europe, wherever that is. i'm not even sure -- >> if we're saying we need a day off because we're so drunk and so full of avocado toast, i think there's some american pride in that. [cheers and applause] greg: yeah, that is true. [laughter] and maybe -- i don't even know why they're applauding.
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>> the avocado toast. >> for the worst part, for the team that loses, if you've got to wait another day to go to work for that guy that's hating on you, because that water cooler if atlanta goes down by 20, let's say, and that guy's waiting for you, and he wants his $10 bet with $2 -- >> that ridiculous bet that you thought you'd never have to pay off. >> yeah. monday, it's d-day when you go in. [laughter] greg: i am sick. >> okay, this is the problem. i'm actually sick. i have the flu. and i, no one's going to believe me, you know? >> it's all about you. greg: it's all about me. all right, we've got to go -- >> greg, we're giving you the rest of the night off. go get drunk. >> i'm on six different pills, and none of them are illegal. unfortunately. coming up, i predict next segment will be our predictions for super bowl li. i know, we're nothing if not predictable.
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but first, kat, tyrus and the football quiz. >> i'm going to ask you a football question, and you're going to tell me what it means, okay? they're going to call a timeout to ice the kicker. >> so he loses his mojo. >> yes, great -- >> no. that's when they put ice in his -- [inaudible] because it's all about booze and sports and booze. >> no, it's not. >> defense is starting to assert itself. >> [inaudible] >> i'll accept that. time to get tough, yes. >> no. it means when someone doesn't text you back, you don't text them back, because you're not accepting from others that you're not willing to accept from yourself, because you deserve better treatment than that, you know? >> he didn't text you back, he didn't text you back. >> thank you. >> it is not about relationships. [cheers and applause] are you getting this? these numbers are off the charts...
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sir! what's the status? there's a meteor hurtling towards earth. how long until impact? less than a minute. what do you want to do, sir? listen carefully... if we all switch to geico we could save 15% or more on car insurance. i like the sound of that. geico. because saving fifteen percent or more on car insurance is always a great answer.
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greg:ing we're back from houston. so it wouldn't be a special super bowl show without predictions. i'm going to start with you, or randy cross, what have you got? >> i love atlanta. i live in atlanta -- greg: yeah. [cheers and applause] >> i think the state of georgia will have the whole day off
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tomorrow right after they win. i won't bore you with the score. greg: no, but who's better, tom brady or joe montana? >> who's lost the most super bowls? >> dang! >> between those two. >> he's got to have joe cool's back. >> i've got to ride and die with my guy, joe. greg: joe wasn't nice to me, you know? he was standing in front of my apartment, and he didn't say hello. >> he never liked stalkers. [laughter] not even reverse stalkers. greg: exactly. all right, matt? >> listen, tom brady is is an unbelievable quarterback, arguably along with montana, one of the greatest. but i think after gaga's halftime performance, he's going to quit, announce he's running for president, and the falcons are going to win. greg: interesting. tyrus? >> i think atlanta's no defense, patriots by about 20, and, you know, tom brady is a saint, and if you've seen the movie ted 2, that is an accurate depiction of tom brady. [laughter] he is greatness.
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there is only one joe montana, that era will never be reproduced, but tom brady, he's the in the best. >> brady was in ted 2? >> oh, yeah. greg: i'm going to have to look that up. >> i talked to bill belichick myself -- greg: really? >> yeah, and he said that the pate rats are going to win -- pate rats are going to win. greg: when kid you talk to him? >> yesterday. greg: we never have scoops -- >> i went and got that interview. >> did he break it down and explain how? >> oh, yeah, he broke it down. greg: i'm going to pick the patriots, because, of course, both myself and tom brady are from sarah high school. >> don't forget barry bonds. greg: yeah, we try to. [laughter] >> why? he never was convicted. he never tested positive, you got nothing on him! greg: he used to sit behind me, no lie, in spanish class and
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look at my spanish answers. that's what he did -- he cheated. >> he was using teds back then. greg: final thoughts, next. [cheers and applause] >> hi, everybody. coach bill belichick. very exciting, very exciting, guys. what's the game plan? what's the game plan, bill? >> we've got to keep the ball away from matt ryan. he's an excellent, excellent quarterback, one of best in the game. yeah. i think our defense is up for it and we're going to score a lot of points. >> whoa. great to meet you. that's great. >> looks like you grew a beard, bill. >> yeah. i've gone a little gray over the years. football does that. >> matter of days. >> yo can you believe that? >> no, actually, i can't believe it. >> he knows your name. >> yeah, this' great. >> bill belichick knows everybody's name. [cheers and applause]
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what if instead of waiting weeks for your tax refund? you can get an advance on that refund. [zombie] an advance on my tax refund, i could really use that. [john] what would you do with that money? [zombie] i'd love to take a tropical holiday. [john] i'd be careful, with your skin tone. [zombie] no i get it cause i'm a zombie. yeah that's funny. [off camera] all my undead, we are back. [john] i will see you out there. [zombie] see ya. [john] and don't take it personally. [vo] you can get a refund advance of up to $1250 no interest at block. [john] don't just get your taxes done. get your taxes won. as a dancer, i love being able to pass on everything i know. one thing i've learned is that when all eyes are on me, i can't have any doubts. especially when it comes to what i'm wearing... it needs to fit my body just right. looking good on stage is one thing. but real confidence comes from feeling good out there. try the improved fit of new depend silhouette briefs. get a free sample at
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[ distorted voice ] progressive their competitors' rates alongside their direct rate to save you money. but what's really going on? when played backwards at 1/8th speed you can clearly hear... what could that mean? woman: tom? tom! they're just commercials. or are they? you're waking the neighbors. well, mom, maybe the neighbors need to be woke. i think it's actually "awoken." no, that doesn't even seem right. no, it's "awoken."
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revealing the truth to help you save. ♪ ♪ greg: quick program note, bill o'reilly sits down with president trump tomorrow. kat's in at 4 p.m. eastern during the super bowl pregame show on the fox broadcast network. and you can see more of the interview monday and tuesday on "the o'reilly factor." where the spin stops. at 8 p.m. eastern here on fox news channel. so we're running out of time, you know what that means -- >> what you've wanted to say all show but haven't had the chance to say, so here's your chance to say it. right now. greg: so, randy, i got a weird question. what's going to happen to you when you die? >> when i die, i'm going to donate my brain to the concussion legacy foundation up in boston. cutting edge stuff they're doing with the research on that. and i figure it's kind of -- for me, it's a pay it forward for the kids that'll play football in the future.
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they can make informed decisions, because the guys that play now or played this my era, we didn't make informed decisions. greg: yeah. and it's not like you're going to need the brain. >> no, i do get to keep it until i'm done with it. greg: i would respect you more if you gave it right now. >> i have a lot of friends that would probably tell you they couldn't tell the difference. [laughter] greg: matt? >> america ninja warrior is coming back, and i want to say hi to my parents. >> in the spirit of jon lovitz, the final question which you can answer on @planettyrus, if greg was a flower, would you pollinate him? [laughter] greg: kat? >> i just want to say whether you're team wins or loses, remember, it's always very embarrassing to lose. [laughter] greg: that's nice. >> well said. greg: you know the best part of being near houston? people cheering and other people
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who don't though you go he doesn't look like an athlete. [laughter] is he a jockey? he's a sad little jockey. >> oh, man, that's -- i'll horse it up, you jockey it up next halloween. >> you've got a fan over here that might be willing to get in on the pollination thing. dwrg yg thanks to clay, matt, randy, kat and tyrus and everybody out here. i'm greg gutfeld. i love you america, i do. i really, really do. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> you excited for all of the march madness? >> okay, it's february. you need to get your head in the game. >> i don't know what that means. that hit really cleaned his clock. >> oh, i have no idea. i haven't heard that. >> okay. you guys realize you're at the
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super bowl, right? it's football. all right, stop. i'm going to to ask the baby. [laughter] he says clean the clock is somebody got hit really hard. support. that's the fox report. saturday, february 4. jesse: "watters world" is on tonight. iran threatening america with roaring missiles after a twitter war with president trump. could this lead to real action? with it house press secretary sean spicer is here. explosive comment by president trump. >> putin is a killer. jesse: "watters world" running wild at super bowl li. we are he where. >> this is your world. jesse: that's right.


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