tv The Greg Gutfeld Show FOX News April 8, 2018 2:00pm-3:00pm PDT
>> glad you could join us. i am arthel neville. >> i am eric shawn. we will see you next weekend. "the greg gutfeld show" is next. next. >> i met the outer aspects of what you might and the in barack obama. >> you are the stupid sinatra. [laughter] 's. [laughter] all right, the caravan hit the fan, or rather a parade of unchecked immigrants hit a wall, an orange wall. a 71-year-old cheeseburger eating wall that is donald trump. his blood response to a plan symbolic way of immigrants
from honduras and the caravan became a cara van somewhere in mexico. they called his bluff and he said enough, but were they really coming anyway? who knows. what a slamdunk for dt. the guy has been all over illegal immigration. wellies president send a thousand people to the border. not happening. here's an example of the new school being schooled by the old school. the old world dude faced off at the movement and the movement lived on. reminds me of a movie. >> in a world where the border is lawless and the boundary is lawless, they sent a caravan and he sent an army. it's a small step for man. >> sorry, it's a big step. with federal law, democrats
kick the can down the road or the ball down the field. either way one man said no bro, not my country. [laughter] , trump and ric flair as the nature boy. executive action 11 order at the border. [applause] >> there is another reason why the caravan failed in society biggest beef is always line cutting which is predicated on dire need. the many, many people in my studio audience waited in line. [laughter]
it seems we forgot why. here is a primer even kids will understand. >> line cutting. why is a bad? you should know they are as american as the revolutionary war. infantry four nations had to writ wait their turn before shooting each other with muskets. four out of five signs agree that without lines we would've never won our independence. you can see lines for everywhere. on gordon ramsay for head. at iphone releases and football games. you won't see lines that marin five concerts. when lines are long some like to cut the whole thing leaving those who follow the rules out the cold. doesn't seem fair unless year in a place where you can ask for sanctuary but that's a
conversation for another place and time. that's why line cutting is bad. [laughter] [applause] everyone else who came here the right way wishes everyone else would do the same thing for the left met another wall. call it a collusion collision. >> after a year of thorough investigation and going after all the low hanging fruit, if they couldn't have shifted him from a subject to a target, there's nothing there. now the going after week issues, collusion. i challenge muller to tell me what statute is violated by collusion. >> was the news that trump is not a target a plus for trump in a setback for his foes at cnn? we stop by the office for.
so, where is the impeachment caravan now? heading into another wall. no surprise, have even thought this thing through? seriously, what happens if the impeachment ends and they get exactly what they want. what do they end up with? [laughter] that is your plan? i love that plan. replace a republican with a guy who so right waiting he makes genghis khan look like grandpa walton. they never have a plan. always seeking to replacing that work, free market, a border, president with crab. communism, socialism, identity politics. tofu.
no wonder everything they touch and suffering. if history was our guide we would build a wall around them. but last and never least, the former first lady compared donald trump to a bad parent. >> eight years that barack obama was present was sort of like having a good parent home and now perhaps we have the other parent maybe it feels fun for now because we can eat candy all day and stay up late and not follow the rules. >> that wasn't a bad metaphor except for the last line. it feels fun for now because we can eat candy all day. what's the candy? is it more jobs? les isis? progress with north korea, tax cuts because of that the candy what does that make donald trump? >> the candy man ♪
♪ he makes the world taste good. ♪ ♪ candy man. [laughter] [applause] 's let's welcome tonight's guest he's like james bond but with better hair. former cia officer buck sexton. like falling through a plate glass window, he will leave you in stitches. she is only cheerful when she has a beer for. [applause] and, he can literally move mountains. [applause] so, buck, i have to hand it to
donald trump on this. this was a yearly political stunt and activist group two raise awareness about asylum seekers and so forth. he repurposed the for his law and order perspective on it seems like it worked. i don't know. >> we also have more data about what ends up happening. you have a lot of 25 -year-olds showing up at the border saying their 17 and that's just been established. >> i've been tricked by that. they tell me they're 25. also, when i think people started to recognize is that they are not illegal. this is a caravan going through the mountainsides loophole where they literally show up to border patrol and they say here we are, can you put us on the bus and send us to the place where you give people the free place to say in the food and tell me too shop in immigration court and about five years and will see how that goes.
>> joe, i think this was poor planning. here you have a president who so old world and they say let's just send a thousand people to the border. he won't do anything. >> a caravan is a terrible way to sneak into a country unless it's a dodge caravan. i'll tell you what, they're upset about the presidential election in honduras. i don't think that that are going to like the president here because trump probably would've done wellin that election. >> cat, i kind of think, what bums me out about the caravan, it's actually an important issue, people trying to get out of bad countries, but how can just being a citizen of a country make you an asylum seeker. there has to be war and howl and petulance. >> i would agree with that. >> thank you guess that wasn't much of a question. >> i think the one issue i had is that trump said this represented a massive influx
of illegal immigrants when really border patrol agent said this is pretty typical of what they see everyday. also, border crossings have dropped dramatically so there's not a new massive influx and i do think he deserves credit for that credit on the geese giving himself enough credit, they dropped dramatically so there's not this new massive way. >> i think it's because he's a metaphorical wall. if somebody just gets elected because you're not allowed to come here was going to send people back. >> we live in a world where no one's really loses an argument and are told you're not coming to america, beautiful tijuana is where we are now going. tijuana where everyone gets a fresh start. it's amazing over there. it's kind of like america only drunker. it will be great. the get morgan freeman to
narrate it so it is really loose. he said the national guard, maybe they'll do clerical work. no, there quicken and clacking and making sure you're not crossing. they change the narrative to where it was just a symbolic, but they didn't tell the people on the buses that packed everything they possibly could underneath the bus, they didn't tell them it was just little things are going to show off a no go back to honduras. now they're stuck in tijuana. there's not a lot of jobs out there. >> there are a lot of jobs but not jobs you want. >> final questions, if nothing seems to be working, if collusion doesn't work in stormy doesn't work and infidelity doesn't work and dementia, what should the left do now? >> to win the midterm election? >> yes. >> not be crazy. but they can't manage to do that. they know what the answer is
because of what happened in pennsylvania. if they talk about issues that actually mattered to the american electorate they have a chance of winning the tossup races that are trending democrat. you cannot turn on cnn without seeing vladimir putin or stormy daniels. >> that has become the network mantra. >> they have to put them together. >> stormy prudent. [laughter] >> that sounds like a medical disorder. >> final thoughts on how things are going. >> if we could get katie perry out there on the campaign trail. >> she really helped, don't you think. >> from some people's perspective, mainly matters. >> all right, coming up, should she be ashamed of all the people she has blamed? hillary keeps talking and i keep talking about her. theret for a single dad.
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to cover her winds. speaking of a women's club, hillary clinton talked about fun things like picnics and ice cream and puppies. i'm kidding. you know what she talked about. >> fox news is always trying to impeach me. [laughter] so somebody needs to tell them. [inaudible] >> she's not stopping. and why should we, fox wants to impeach me, it's like something build the wall. it's her stairway to heaven. >> or i shouldn't say stairway because she will trip that was funny. she trips a lot. it's human. it means she's human. if you are a fan, you love hearing her stuff. if you're not a fan, you love hating it. she's like a laxative in the water supply. she gets the whole crowd going. [laughter] thank you. everybody loves a good diarrhea joke. all right. she has so many classic reps.
after's all these years she has built up enough material to compile a greatest hits album. >> now for the first time ever is hillary's greatest hits. for decades of all of your favorites on one disc. it's all part of a right-wing conspiracy. i'm not some little women standing by my man mike timmy wynette. of course you can put half of trump supporters into the basket of the portables. her greatest hits, these golden all these are sure to warm your heart. will put minors out of business. plus, what's the difference. what difference does it make. >> and who can forget her runaway hit. hillary's greatest hits. where were you when you first heard these gems. long walk in the words, no one ever said that to a man, my fair share of chardonnay.
and you can get the bonus backtrack. if you act now you can get this for just a penny more. the whole back catalog is here and it's in this set. enjoy the ritz like russia, bernie sanders, women's whose husband told them to vote for berni bernie sanders, james, and so much more. get yours today, available kmart. [laughter] [applause] great hits for the holidays coming up in seven or eight months. i have a theory. fnc should give hillary clinton a tv show, sunday, 8:00 p.m. and she will generate so many clips that we could run them all week. correct? >> i think that's absolutely true that i would watch it.
>> i would watch the hell out of it. i would hate watch it. >> it would just be her giving excuse after excuse why she lost the election. she still not over doing that, but there's something good about that. from my perspective, i realize what i want in life and that is someone who loves me as much as hillary clinton loved herself. i could make a million mistakes and do anything i wanted and they would just be like i can't believe russia made you do that. you are number one. [laughter] what you make of her performances so far. what you think this. >> she said misogyny had a lot to do with the election and that might be trooper and she said a lot of women politically they just do what their husbands tell them too so maybe people didn't vote for her because she was running because bill clinton told her too. [laughter] >> she is getting done on. >> so she gets the sunday spot.
>> wait, you can cohost. >> another cohost spot. great. can i get a chair. maybe hers will vibrate or have earphones. you said i got the sunday thing. just like that because i'm not a woman. [laughter] >> yes. >> no, it's because i'm black. [laughter] >> you got me. >> first guy in history to lose as a man. i've got to carry that on my back for the rest my days. who beat you out for the spot? >> you guys would have great chemistry. you'd be like hold and kathy lee. >> i don't know who hell holder is but i'm not being kathy lee. just like that, sunday at eight. hillary and f-uppercase-letter letters. >> brock, let's move away from tyrus getting angry at me and let's talk about how never after an election have we ever had somebody trash talking
making the rounds and blaming everyone. this is the first. >> it's a lot of people from the previous administration weren't even necessarily people you think of as political. it's actually kind of weird, you see former cia directors out there now just trashing the current president and implying he maybe know something that the president would change the way we all think of him and it shows the evidence of that and you have obviously hillary still very bitter about the loss coming of michelle obama criticizing him, this is new and i think it's destructive but i would note hillary is now going at a cut rate so those of you who want her for birthdays, bar mitzvahs, any of the above, she goes for 25g which in hillary land is a massive discount. this is true. she did a speech for 25k. her going rate used to be a quarter of a million dollars minimum. our speech is just not charming and wonderful anymore. >> i guess because she keep saying the same damn thing. i love her and i mean that
sincerely. with a tv show a lot like house when there's always a new find a hole you have to fill and be blocked. what are we gonna do and to be blocked. she spackled like hillary will say something we can use her to fill in at the space in the show. i called hillary spackle. [laughter] okay guys. i can tell you excited. look at this. note this is? [applause] you know it. it's great. so for the longest time, people on the street and at churches and at places where i do my volunteer work with the kids, they're always asking me, greg i love your monologues, where can i get them and i said oh no, i don't have the internet, but we decided to put all the monologues into one book were you can buy it and it's got like tons, down so much new bonus material it will make you sick so actually, on my
monologue and tell you if they're right, wrong, if a soccer if they're still good. it's a beautiful book. go to amazon.com, preorder and go to simon & schuster.com and preorder and i don't think you'll be dissatisfied. all right, still to come, one university. [inaudible] that's next. you wouldn't accept an incomplete job from any one else. so why accept it from your allergy pills? most pills don't finish the job because they don't relieve nasal congestion. flonase allergy relief is different. flonase relieves sneezing, itchy, watery eyes and a runny nose, plus nasal congestion, which pills don't. flonase helps block 6 key inflammatory substances. most pills only block one. and 6 is greater than 1. start your day with flonase for more complete allergy relief. flonase. this changes everything.
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apparently, it shouldn't please us to love jesus. that accordingly to george washington university. who goes there. this week they're hosting a christian privilege workshop that teaches followers of christ that they unfairly receive unmerited perks from institutions and assistance all across our country. like all workshops, it has stupid goals for its students who, by the end of the journey should be able to list three examples of christian privilege, describe what is meant by privilege overall and white privilege specifically, describe the role of denial when it comes to white privilege, if you disagree its denial and why not a sin to think i'm dropdead gorgeous. no argument on that one. my secret is always to stay hydrated. [laughter]
[laughter] i don't even know what to think anymore. joe you are a christian or so you claim. do you have a lot of privilege that you lord over people with? >> no. this is absurd. first of all, no one benefits, no one has it better than aps. >> really. >> you get to sleep in on sundays, you can murder people guilt free, i thought, i've got commandments. i have to murder someone who says thou shall not murder. atheist your good, go ahead. >> wow. i have to look into the sink. >> i'm working my off. >> the bottom line is you can actually target christians because are not going to kill you. like if you draw jesus, no one is going to shoot your entire newspaper staff so it's really an easy target, right. >> yeah. constantly i target white
christians. i'll stop a white guy on the street. hey, are you a christian. >> you may pass. >> are you praying bro, bring your over here. predator born into money and you've got better chances for set success and if you want to say god gave it to you, whatever. i get credit for all my own stuff. i think this is more bleed who cares. so you study how a group is better than you and say that you could use that to better yourself and be better than them. [applause] >> i have a theory that the biggest privilege of all privileged is the oppressed privilege. as long as you can basically intimidate other people to believe you are oppressed, no one can touch you.
victim knowledge he has actually become something of a competition on college campuses. who is the most victimized group. you're saying this now, get to a place of complete incoherence. the left just has to not be so crazy and they can make a lot more gains politically. hear what you see, it's not even clear with her trying to say. i guess it's an extension of white privilege but you know when you are kidding you made up your own language and you'd speak to each other, maybe you had frenzied and do that, but i'm just saying, when your kid and you do these things, you make things up. this is what it is when you have these intersection disputes on college campuses. they're coming up with new words and concepts and they get in these fights over who is the most oppressed. they can figure out what the vikings were really like. >> let's not even mention the 49ers. [laughter] they were just panning for gold, if you noted mean.
because i don't. and the raiders, those are pirates, right, those guys were in. they were a joyful bunch, but enough about mascots. >> is on my question. >> yes. are you guilty of any privilege. >> everybody has certain privileges and everybody has certain difficulties. that's it. that's a whole seminar. i just gave it. what do these people talk about for hours and hours on end. i don't understand. why set it up as this hierarchy situation when really it's just called were all different. >> we are all different and that makes the world special. >> i think victim knowledge is the new religion. it's not my fault, everybody else did it. [inaudible]
there's no responsibility. nothing in life is your fault. >> you can always demand more stuff. >> that sounds pretty religious to me. >> you're right. by the way, you have to confess that your guilty of privilege and then maybe all be okay and that religion to then make other people feel guilty. >> that's your original sin. >> yes, it is. you are born as an oppressor. that is true. i think we discovered a whole new religion. by the way, everybody has privilege. tall people, hot people, everybody. everybody has some kind of privilege except for me because in short. don't give them that. he is fishing. being tall, have you ever tried trying to get on a roller coaster, how about flying. use it on a plane like this. >> you have shelf privilege. you can reach everything on the high shelf.
i had to ask help from tall women. it's embarrassing. i can't even enjoy a parade. >> you know it gets me every time, he always wants me too go with them to sit on my shoulders. it's not happening. >> and it's not like he would even notice. to for your little friend. >> does google hate america and what you do die, probably not, but we will debated anyway. how do you win at business? stay at laquinta. where we're changing with contemporary make-overs. then, use the ultimate power handshake, the upper hander with a double palm grab. who has the upper hand now? start winning today. book now at lq.com. and sometimes, i don't eat the way i should. so, i drink boost. boost high protein nutritional drink has 15 grams of protein to help maintain muscle and 26 essential vitamins and minerals, including calcium and vitamin d.
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google should not be in the business of war. never mind that google and the pentagon are working to make grounds more precise so that only the bad guys get taken out, not civilians. no, these google people would rather keep their hands clean. thank other great-grandparents didn't feel that way about world war ii. they were faced with an evil that one of world domination. they say now, we'd rather not, hell no part american companies made up of men and women helped win the war. actually, more so women because the men were shipped off to fight. rosie the river there was more than just a feminist meme, she was a national call to action. google it. during world war ii, u.s. industry produce 300,000 planes. 100,000 tanks and billions, tens of billions of bullets. if the one for that for generation, there would be no freedom, no america and certainly no google. we need more rosie's and fewer posies.
this paces me off. does this pass you off. >> i'm so pissed i could drop a watermelon. it's full of water. >> this is where we are at. i'm not helping the pentagon because they might hurt me, but it's the same pentagon that keeps your safe so you can write your blogs and talk your trash and i guarantee if someone comes in your office you'll be screaming where's the help, was a really are. what we have this drone that would've flown in and stopped it, but sorry, i mean police officers, firefighters, paramedics, doctors, they don't get to choose. didn't get to say that guy is different, i don't help him. i'm not into that other side thing. that's just crazy that this is the time we live in and that's acceptable. i would've fed everyone of them. [applause]
>> they look like, they look at technology as a one-way street. you have terrorists who are actually protecting drone technology and nursing were not going to use our technology to help combat that. it's incredibly naïve and 2018. >> when you are company in your model has to be don't be evil, there's probably some applications for what you're doing that aren't necessarily so great. i think there's some lessons to be taken for that. people also need to know that google and all these companies are far less in their political proclivities and at some point they should just embrace the capitalism that that the heart of all this. you are the product for their taking and making as much money as he possibly can. they should know for check clears. how else are they can pay for their shiatsu's during lunch. have you been to these campuses. all on bouncy balls and seeing different life coaches, it's crazy. >> they have foosball breaks, i believe. do they just want their
technology available to search for better cap videos as opposed to actually saving lives. >> i don't know. i have to look up what rapacious means. [laughter] if your company let's g's slogan is due no evil, why bring that up. that's like telling a policeman you don't have to look in my truck. i think you're also right that there already doing some bad things as it is. their landmass spy on ourselves for them for free e-mail. it's true. i love the free e-mail. it is nice. >> i said that i say why am i using google e-mail. why my doing that. it's because it's easy. i've accepted it. >> and if you have aol, people judge you. >> oh my gosh but i think i still have geocities. i don't know what that is. and i think jesus died in a horrible accident. >> patriotism apparently is no
longer a virtue but a virus. a computer virus, perhaps. >> i know, are you going to disagree with me. >> actually, i think there's nothing wrong with being antiwar, but in this instance, what this is supposed to do is make war less deadly and not kill civilians so supporting this technology is antiwar. that's what they don't understand. the only thing scary is the government having this surveillance technology in general. when in doubt be afraid of the government a little bit. >> we are in an area where privacy is effectively dead. i don't know how we'll get that genie back in the box. >> they will just use it for counterterrorism but i doubt that. >> i'm okay with it. i've accepted. [inaudible] i can't remember. i can't keep my philosophers straight in my head but these are designed to fly over to
the terrorist house, not kill anyone over here over here but just wait, hover over and wait for the terrorist to come out to water his lawn because they do have lawn and manages that's you. you can't, that's the best technology for war ever. >> the problem with wars that innocent civilians get killed. not that terrorist get killed for that's what this is supposed to do make sure they're only killing terrorists. exactly. enough of that crab. still to come, one third of millennial's are convinced the earth is round. in other news , that's a lot of people. [applause] your brain changes as you get older.
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revealed a third of millennial's aren't sure the earth is round. here's what 18 - 24-year-old said when asked if the world is round or flat. 56% have always believed it's round. ub. 9% always thought it was round but more recently became skeptical. 5% always thought was flat but recently had doubts. good for them. 5% always believed it was flat. the remaining 15% that i'm not sure, but craig gutfeld is my father. not true. for more, let's check in with the young millennial for comment. >> command. don't think about it. you just gotta go. [laughter] >> that earth was flat. [laughter] i compiled a bunch of facts that prove the earth is round because i had to, because i
can remember how you prove it, but i know it's round. >> when people tell the youth to fight the power, they don't mean copernicus. there's some things we should look at an all understand that were on the same page people should have a better understanding why it is they believe what they believe because for example, we can all agree the earth is round but you ask people about climate change in the to say the answer is because all the smart people say so. that would never be a baseline of what you think something is or is not true. >> so but just that the earth is flat. that is freaking out. is this proof that either millennial's are dom or the earth is flat. >> i love the story as i thought i was doing just okay and then i found out that summary my peers believe that maybe the earth is flat and that's when i realized i am
crushing it. [laughter] i might be a little weird, i might think about reptile lot, i might have no plans except for eating mashed potatoes by myself after this is over, however i know for a thousand% of the world is round. you take the story, printed out and put in a frame and put it right next my bed so i can wake up every morning remembering what a star i am. where do you fall on this debate. >> i'm worried because it seems like this conspiracy that the earth is flat is picking up steam and i don't even know who that would benefit. the globe makers? it just seems crazy to me because how many people you would have to have to keep that conspiracy going because you fly to china, you can get to an edge and you sent astronauts with pictures showing a globe so this is a big conspiracy. >> this is what happens when you answer text questions with selfies. they didn't read this.
is the earth, yes. this is the problem. they just say things. they like dogs chasing tires. they just do whatever. you said you were crushing it. you're the unicorn of the group. congratulations for the rest are cheap wait, am i stuck in my group? amit. there's two unicorns in every. >> enough bashing unicorns but i think the world would be easier if it was flat. think about how much easier it would be to throw stuff away. just push it over the side. walk over and drop it off the edge. because the earth is round you can never throw anything away. it just goes. >> it just gets into orbit.
will be a lot smaller for the purpose of asteroids hitting us. think about that. >> i'm so sick of you and your edge privilege. [laughter] by the way, also, if the earth was flat, nobody could sneak up on you because you know some of you could say hey, later will see later and then come all the way around because of the globe and surprise you and stab you so if it's flat, you know where everybody is and they can't get around you. you see what i'm talking about. also, think of the mystery of the earth's underside. that will be like the coolest place to go. hey where you go on. me and the wife, were going to the underside because if it's flat there's got to be something underneath. >> new jersey. [laughter] that's right. they are clapping their own state's demise. all right. i think were done here. don't go anywhere. final thoughts, next. [applause] >> tech: at safelite autoglass
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see you monday at 5:00 p.m. eastern. final thoughts. >> sameless plug, please download our show on itunes. there's some funny things, mostly serious things, but alson funny things. >> i'll be at wise guys this thursday through saturday. at the end of the month i'll bel at yuck, yucks in vancouver. >> who comes up with the names of these places? >> not comedians. tyrus? >> check me on the new netflix series, "love." i actually return to the ring next week on impact on pop where i smack around some dudes. actually, i think they're christian privilege people. [ laughter ] >> last word, cat. >> i spend more time thinking about mashed potatoes than i do
about my loved ones and i start to feel guilty and i start thinking about mashed potatoess again. >> that's fun to think about. thanks to buck, joe, katherine, studio audience. just in on the fox report, fox news now confirming north korea has told the u.s. that kim jong un is ready to discuss deyou nuclearization of the korean peninsula. this clears the way for a meeting between the north korean leader and president trump. they're not saying how and when the assurance was delivered. u.s. and north korean officials have been in communications. analysis on this, coming up. president trump raising the possibility of military action against syria after activists accuse syria's president of carrying out another apparent chemical attack that they say killed dozens of civilians, many women and children find suffocated in their homes and