tv The Greg Gutfeld Show FOX News September 16, 2018 2:00pm-3:00pm PDT
questions from voters. eric: you can catch a pm eastern, 5 pm pacific time on fox news channel. we will keep up with the issue and coverage of florence. arthel: absolutely. thank you for joining us. i was strong enough to pick them up and flip them over in the air i don't know if you plan to head up or head down. greg: why would you do that? affect. [cheering and applause] greg: of course we've all been monitoring hurricane florence and our thoughts are with everyone affected but tonight show we hope offers temporary leave for our viewers as he spent an hour on the important stuff. we don't pretend politics and gossip mean more than the storm. the phosphor moment and consider
other natural disasters. [laughter] don't even have to say. [cheering and applause] you know, politics is like sex with michael moore. [laughter] you are either on top or crush crushed. [laughter] like the broken stars on hollywood boulevard, which is officially a disaster area, how bad is it getting there? the left is turning on the left. case in point, deborah messing lashed out at fellow left susan sarandon. why? because susan said donald trump has inspired more women and minorities to run for office. deborah gets on twitter and says all this mean stuff like stfu which i believe stands for still tweeting forever uninformed.
now, in case you forgot who deborah is she's the star of an old tv comedy that they brought back just like obama -- but thanks to trump and her new life on twitter she is gone from thi- >> she doesn't have the stomach to go where i go. greg: to this. >> what is that? [cheering and applause] greg: talk about a fall from grace. [laughter] just to prove playing a smart, funny woman was all an act she now loses her [bleep] readily on twitter over trump the start of a 20 -year-old sitcom is now still coming to terms with an election that is two years old. it must seem like yesterday to
her. as she seems to us. [laughter] that is the issue with celebs. no one in america is wearing a bracelet that says what would hollywood do? that hurts. they can't believe no one takes them seriously when all they do is take themselves seriously as they attack everyone else. celebrities come to politics later in life after voting decades to selfishly chase attention but they think because they had to spend 22 minutes in the spotlight once a week pretending to be relevant they deserve real-life importance. they take a big stupid bite out of politics. the success they had in the drama class sophomore year, parroting other people's words is still what keeps him going which is why hollywood's greatest political theorists messing, de niro, penn feel that the mentality of emotional 17 -year-olds.
what defines troubled youth at that age? irrational anger, petulant rains, demands retention and without a better script their emotional response is inversely proportional to the knowledge and wisdom so the less they know the stronger they feel. belief becomes a battle to them and if you disagree, you are evil. but you can't improvise intelligence which is why it is funny when they go off script. you can't demonize that will and then played grace. [laughter] actors -- [cheering and applause] actors will say and do anything for a spotlight. here's broadway legend carol cook revealing her knowledge of american history. >> where is john wilkes booth when you need him? right? will i be on [inaudible]. greg: that's what happened to the ropers?
[laughter] finally, people remember threes company. i was worried about that show. once you go down this rabbit hole of insanity there's no going back. you start turning on anyone and anyone including the liberals on your side. we know these people are self-indulgent and crazy so no one takes him fiercely for the crazier they become the closer they come to bed comedy, meaning msnbc. >> ladies and gentlemen, the last president of the united states. ♪. greg: >> do you think that last president of the united states? >> i think it is possible. greg: did you ever notice about michael moore that he slowly morphing into large marge -- [laughter]
i say get rid of the hat but that's where he hides the emergency twinkies. so, will trump be the last president of the united states? is the world actually ending? as normal people like you watch hurricane coverage with mass evacuations and 9-mile an hour gusts and beyond heavy rain we can only see how disconnected hollywood is fighting a 20-foot reality search. their world is stormy and manafort's. their self-importance insanity and perspective and politics are truly all wet and gone with the wind. let's welcome tonight guests. he treats terrorists like golf, always trying to put a hole in one. [cheering and applause] former navy seal rob o'neill.
like doctor frankenstein he review in stitches. writer and comedian chris. [cheering and applause] her favorite soup is cream of sadness, national review reporter kat timpf. [cheering and applause] and he really is above it all, formal wwe superstar in my massive sidekick, tyrus. [cheering and applause] all right, rob, it's always entertaining to see lefties devour each other after seniors of the right do it to themselv themselves. >> that's what president trump the effect he has is debra messing and susan sarandon are on the same team but because of the divide with the hillary clinton people that one for the other they are on the same team and don't realize but the amazing thing to me about susan
sarandon is at this point she has yet to force tim robbins of shawshank redemption back in a prison. [laughter] just saying. when he escapes of the tunnel full of crap. greg: that is -- what a metaph metaphor. [applause] greg: i never saw that movie. tyrus: what? greg: i only like a certain kind of prison film. [laughter] tyrus: it has that in there for you. greg: not enough. >> speaking on my kind of prison cells -- moving on. greg: yes, you agree down trump be the last president? >> i think what he maybe meant we should go with is he's doing such a great job that we get rid of the term limits. [applause] but he would die eventually, i guess.
secondly, the broadway lady that was a misunderstanding maybe she grew up with john's wilkes booth and like -- she's like legitimately looking for him. [laughter] greg: that's what she was saying. where is john wilkes booth? he was right here. >> it was reliable back in the day. greg: conspiracy? he was cryogenically frozen. john wilkes booth. i'm going down a really dark place i don't think i can get out of it. >> so is debra messing. >> she's pissed at rosanne because of that whole thing. rosanne showed up will and grace and they came back and they said what is the cast of rosanne doing and they're bringing back rosanne without rosanne and then will and grace is like will do season do and they're like, no. forget about it. greg: cap, is twitter
emboldening washup actors by giving them a forum to express their political theatrics? speed you know, greg. greg: i have a feeling she will not answer my question. kat: i have never considered myself an optimist and i've always thought i was one of the most pessimistic people in the world but then top-five at least i've never actually yelled at another person for looking on the brighter side which is exactly what susan sarandon was trying to do. she is a bernie gal. she doesn't like trump but she was saying let me look for some silver lining and debra messing was like, you can't be happy. you can be happy. take that smile off your face right now. you can't be happy. you know what? now i feel like i've never done that so maybe i'm not and i feel
like tony [bleep] robbins. [applause] greg: i have to say, your impression of debra messing is every woman i've seen yelled at her husband at a walmart. [laughter] losing all sense of public displays. i'm going to do it, tyrus. you are an actor and a successful one. tyrus: yes. [laughter] greg: hollywood is now. tyrus: no further questions. it's a copout to me. i feel like our current political climate is a good out for struggling actors. they won't let me in because i supported shop. it's a good way to say i'm not had a gig in 20 years but because of this president. all this together it's over. it's halfway done and if you
really don't like it have one of your little cocktail couch party things you have that i never get invited to and organize your votes and vote him out. he's not going anywhere. he is our president. b itc h ing about it. [cheering and applause] >> debra messing was on the filler camp and was upset she did not get a e-mail present. she can get her first being the president soon and ivanka will do a good job. greg: coming up, is the time for a boring president? all this winning is exhausting. [cheering and applause] come here, babe. ok. nasty nighttime heartburn? try new alka-seltzer pm gummies. the only fast, powerful heartburn relief plus melatonin so you can fall asleep quickly. ♪ oh, what a relief it is!
greg: should america demand a president who is bland? or will be do so much more with a monumental morbid the new op-ed makes a bold prediction for the next person who takes office we will elect someone boring. no kidding. anyone who will be a boring president after donald trump. you don't need the times to tell me that. co-author bret steven says he
wants a smart responsible person who's good at making you forget they are there. quote, i envision someone like tim kaine. without the charisma. that was hillary's running mate. so boring you forgot him. or gerald ford without malice, gw bush, hw bush, sorry, about the vicious digital broccoli. new york times humor. that's all i read from the article, brinkley. i do think bret is onto something. after a mile a minute trump maybe there should be a boring party. >> hello, i'm beverly muller and i'm running for governor. i'm a mom to three great kids. well, two great kids in the adopted one. i believe in transparency so i like to show you the real meal warts and all. i worship the needle. yes, i needlepoint like a mother paper [bleep] i made a chart and
it's in my blood. you come after my needles, i will [bleep] kill you. >> paid for by the boring party. >> i'm happy to represent the district it might remember me from last year's county fair where might cucumbers received honorable mention. you like cucumbers, you will love me. first pictures of my cucumbers. check out this one. and this one. in this one. here is this one. i [bleep] love cucumbers. would you like to see more of my cucumbers? i bet you would. if you don't, will never see my cucumbers. hope for me. skip davis, this fall. >> paid for by the boring party. >> i'm running for senate. what issue do i care about most? public transit actually. you could say i'm the expert. awesome. if my rail with a polycarbonate body with a couple are mounted
as an onboard decoder, i know, pretty impressive. get on the train and vote for me this fall. >> paid for by the boring party. [cheering and applause] greg: what you think? >> well, there's always time to make fun of boring people. i hate the phrase -- blank is the new blank. it's overdone. also, it came back because orange is the new black. now everyone is doing it but they can't say orange is the new black is orange is a trump reference which is technically positive because he took over for the first black president and it's the new black president of some kind but then they tried to bring the old, new black president back last week to talk now we know that black is the old boring person -- i don't know what i'm doing back there
is an analogy there somewhere. greg: i kind of follow that. rob, is a boring president necessarily better? >> in social media you're out there always and most people get in the office and pretty charismatic. they're not that boring. i did get a kick like tim kaine without the charisma or as i'd like to call him, tim kaine. the whole thing is not getting them in the white house but the problems i'm seeing in washington as a person in the white house but the person in the capital for 35 years. that is the issue if you don't like him, get them out. don't buy the same nonsense. when they trap robert or what they're doing with cavanaugh. or kennedy who was appointed by reagan they said back alley
abortions will overturn roe v wade but it's all the same nonsense. do research and realize the media has an agenda. greg: hey, tyrus. how are you? tyrus: hey, greg. greg: when you have a smart phone you can imagine life without a smartphone and it's a stimulus that you didn't know you needed and trump is at entertainer and chief that you never knew you needed, right? tyrus: this is after president trumps run and i can envision the new president and ready to give a speech in the little rain bar bars, but he's been canceled. if not an impeachment but your numbers are good. the only doing 1.5 in the demo and gutfeld has you beat and we've dependent so much on 24 hours a day of trump, trump, trump that i don't think would do 50 minutes of whoever it is. i'm the president and the sky is terrible.
he has to go. he did not tweet anything and it's 3:00 a.m. and i stayed up for fireworks and you're going to tell me this guy is asleep. he has to go. [laughter] greg: kat, peds is not exciting. he's boring speed i find mike pence incredibly exciting. [laughter] greg: i don't think he could be alone with you. kat: i don't even know what it means what you said. no, we don't need boring because were not a boring country. we like shoot guns recreationally. greg: that's true. kat: we have a contest every year for people smash wet hot dogs into their faces to see who can you the most and robert which is an entire tv network of rich, white ladies throwing drinks on each other. the whole network. we don't need a boring president. that's not our brand, greg. not our brand b5 is my solution. if you want a boring president,
perfect one, robot. ai, artificial intelligence. greg: . kat: he can't not go there. greg: nothing in the president constitution so the president has to be made of flesh. look it up. it's not even in the declaration of independence which had stuff in there about robots. tyrus: big argument. indians and keeping those damn robots in line. greg: i'm introducing an amendment. it will allow robots to serve in government because the take over and i will be their leader. all right, i know. coming up, should oral exams be banned in school? we discuss -- which i believe is still legal in real life. [cheering and applause]
headquarters" i am jon scott. the death toll resin to at least 15 people as florence continues its devastating crawl across the carolinas. the storm has weakened to a tropical depression after making landfall fraud as a category one hurricane. it has dropped more than 30 inches of rain in some areas prompting fears of historic flooding. crews have rescued hundreds of people from the rising waters. a woman who wrote a confidential letter accusing supreme court nominee brett kavanaugh of sexually assaulting her in high school now going public in the "washington post". the 51 year
old college professor says she feared for her life when he allegedly attacked her at a party in the 1980s. the white house is standing behind the denial of allegations. i am jon scott, joined at the top of the hour for the "fox report". now back to the greg gutfeld show. greg gutfeld. greg: they are doing a lot of streaking over public speaking. according to the atlantic the magazine, not the ocean rob, more and more students are using social media to protest in class presentations. saying they discriminate against kids with packed anxiety. they claim or seem anxious kids to speak publicly is unfair because they're bound to take their presentation of suffering long-term stress. their demanding teachers offer alternative options. exposure therapy, not what you think, chris, help street
anxiety disorders so facing their fear is the cure. one high school teacher said were in the business of the students for college, career and civic life. public speaking is a piece of that preparation. [applause] he can't hear you. the guy accorded is not in the audience -- check in with my old public speaking teacher. greg: taught me everything i knew. tyrus, i'll make this personal if you are a successful performer and have a fear of flying that fear must either be conquered or relegate yourself to a local dinner theater or being the only comic in your town. if you will be successful you got to get over that fear so if you let the fear state with a
new you don't achieve. tyrus: you won't go anywhere. it's funny, the great john madden, hated to fly. he took a bus but he owned the bus. he got to a point where he could make moves around his anxiety. you are in school. do will you text your answers? i text my speech to the class. i mean, this is -- is apparent if my child ever came to me he would net got that sentence out of his mouth. dad, i think -- are you kidding? life is uncomfortable, things will be tough. you will be embarrassed and feel but now we've known all these pretty words like anxiety and comfort, do your job. you speak -- if you're bad at it, guess what? we won't send you two theater camp this summer. okay? i had to learn and i like to talk but i had butterflies and the only way i got over it was i got up and talk.
you can't fix it unless you do it. the fact this is even a story -- give me the old me ladies i had. greg: i used to get -- [laughter] [applause] kat, i used to have butterflies and pull the wings off them. the worst thing you can do to a kid acquiesce to their peers because people have fears about gym class people have fears about everything. if you say okay, don't do it, what are you raising? kat: you don't make yourself accountable than you never have the opportunity to grow. see, i really am tony robbins. [laughter] but also, i resent the idea that it's unfair to grade students based on their presentation and speaking skills because outgoing students will do better than shyer students.
just like a student who is better at math will do better on a math test than a student that's not as good at math. students have different skill sets and some are more outgoing and i like public speaking and the presentation day because i was like me, me, everyone, hello. hello, class. i also had a harder time with math. i never said i should not take a math test because i'm not good at it. they're tweeted as the same way. greg: thank you for continuing the stair type that women are not good at math. kat: i got good grades but i had to work hard. but public speaking, i'm clearly a natural. greg: true. [applause] people do have anxiety -- i had inside of eight about flying and i got over that with drugs and alcohol but the thing is anybody can say anxiety now and use that to get out of anything. life is anxiety. >> the word protest for this whole thing is -- if everyone protest everything and not
liking something out as a protest but it's funny because it makes it sound more hypocritical or ironic and i hate public speaking in front of people. that's why i got this sign in and marching around in this crowd and yelling at everyone and looking at me. it's so true. for rallies it will be a super awkward because then everyone is still around and at the podium and the like no, you go talk. you go talk. note, you do it. kat: i just member i did start an anti- mass protests in first grade but i had to go to the principal's office. the behavior was not rewarded. greg: you know, -- you've done pretty scary things and public speaking according to studies people prefer to die and speak. >> i've been in comment and that a public speaker and there is a big difference. i get shot at less now that i'm a public speaker but the key is
hard work and -- the whole thing with people and smart phones. try texting your first job interview. if you want nonverbal confusion that's when you graduate and urine that will work for food sign. imagine the gettysburg address being on one of and instagram live with a funny hat and kat faith in squeaky [bleep] voice. greg: i would find that arousing. tyrus: if i do my parenting module by these people the next time i son and i goes dead -- there someone in my bed i will say god help you. we'll let him be afraid of the thing under the bed. >> i was left the at the next project won't work for food. everyone will support that somehow. we will not work at all. greg: were creating a legion of
laptop warriors who are really mean a brave from afar who can say terrible things but -- get up and say it. get up and say it. they won't. [applause] that is why robots. this robot bartender can make a hundred drinks an hour. check them out. he will also hit a girlfriend which is wrong. [cheering and applause] your digestive system has billions of bacteria but life can throw them off balance. re-align yourself with align probiotic. and try new align gummies with prebiotics and probiotics to help support digestive health.
its designer says the machine will revolutionize bartending by lowering operating costs and never needs a sick day or vacation. it can only hold 50 bottles at a time so can make most drinks but not everything. it can make the perfect cocktail every time i say why not? i never know it by mixing the right amount that he is me trying to make a piña colada the other night. [laughter] greg: i have serious issues. safe to say, i have a drinking problem, kat. because i cannot make it drink. kat: funny. greg: what happens to actors and actresses when the robot bartenders, will be out of work. kat: absolutely.
greg: at least in new york. [laughter] kat: i don't know how i feel about this. on the one hand, i don't like it because robot bartenders can talk to me about my feelings. they will probably not give me extra tequila on the second drink because i tipped a bunch on the first drink but on the other hand they will not ignore me at the bar when i go there without my hair extensions and and no makeup. in favor of the girls with real long hair who know how to do makeup and tell me to watch a tutorial on mine and i will learn how to do it. even though the last time i tried that i want up looking like a five -year-old whose drunk mom did her makeup for the first dance recital. [laughter] greg: sad. sad stuff, tyrus. what i like about -- i live at bars and love organic bartenders, real people but i'm
tired of the discoloration based on high. there are no seats taken all the seats are taken at the bar -. tyrus: bartender. [laughter] greg: true, but a robot can have cameras all over the bar. tyrus: unless the scanner is set too high -- [laughter] greg: . greg: but a little guy like me -- why do tall people get drinks faster? tyrus: we can look them dead in the eye and you know -- my big concern is this is a scary message to the american workers. in the service industry. change is coming. robots don't get sick. they don't make mistakes. greg: they don't text or steel. tyrus: they don't steal and they are cheaper.
if they can make drinks they can serve burgers. they can serve restaurants and they will not be late with your food and they won't have bad service. it's a change. greg: there even redesigning mcdonald's that are eliminating space for people. you can have 100 million people that are out of work. >> i'm getting -- he doesn't need a break or get tips and i'm hoping then we get -- i love bartenders and i hope that with a cute funny ones in "star wars" not like the gloomy human list once we have at applebee's. greg: i never drink at applebee's. >> beers, their delightful. greg: and never gotten drunk at an applebee's. tyrus: you shouldn't. it's a family restaurant. it would be weird. greg: like i'll go get wasted at the olive garden. tyrus: and ruin everyone's meal with great stories. greg: be like the regular applebee's bar. wait, i'm insulting someone right now.
[laughter] [inaudible conversations] tyrus: yeah, you have a good time. greg: chris, this will create a rebound effect with bars with humans will become more popular. were an organic restaurant or were organic meaning we have humans. greg: i like that. my first thought in the article was that we need to stop letting europe take charge of this whole ie situation. greg: ai. >> what did i say? greg: ie. tyrus: you were in the ballpark with bowels. >> european companies, the only think the reason the bore is sex's and drinking and there's the skipping medical stuff where i thought -- i feel like what happening is there programming them too close to actual humans and now we have these ai bots
dropping out a med school and becoming bartenders like everybody else. [laughter] how did that happen? greg: will end up with an ai bartender who wants to act. >> and then bill the robots will make the movies you like. greg: coming up, the deli worker accused of eating $9000 worth of ham. sounds like a real porker. [cheering and applause] before i had the shooting, burning, pins and needles of diabetic nerve pain these feet... ... made waves in high school... ... had a ball being a dad... ...and built a career in construction. but i couldn't bear my diabetic nerve pain any longer. so i talked to my doctor and he prescribed lyrica. nerve damage from diabetes causes diabetic nerve pain. lyrica is fda approved to treat this pain from moderate to even severe diabetic nerve pain.
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greg: who's the bigger jerk? the clerk or her place of work? she worked in the deli section of a giant grocery store in ohio for eight years. during which time she alleged to have been three-five slices of ham every day. and sometimes salami. the stores of convention manager gets wind of this and crutches numbers and claims that over the eight years she ate $9200 worth of the stores him and sometimes salami.
[laughter] which qualifies, believe it or not, as a felony. does that make her a ham burglar? [laughter] i did not write that. not necessarily but the sheriff's office says felony charges are unlikely they goodness for that because let's be honest, we all take stuff from work every now and then. any one of us to face charges if our bosses wanted to take an inventory. kat: greg, but that on your desk? greg: just some stuff. kat: what like what? greg: paperclips, got pens, you never know when you'll need a big role of mentor and paper dispensary paper for your, you know, next to the trailer. you never know. kat: yeah, and what's up and you? greg: i don't have anything. kat: i behind you. greg: this is just my third -- i
just got to take it all but i don't think lou will notice is gone because he is plenty of stuff there. kat: and what is this on the couch? greg: that is thick. he works and maintenance. he's going to come home and change my lightbulbs because i'm too short. kat: no, he's not. greg: meet me at the car, that. don't eat permits. [applause] greg: rob, it's monitor to its weird to monitor the ham intake. >> what's funny about this is it the most costly game of hide the
salami since anthony weiner. [laughter] greg: always works, every time. very nice. doesn't everybody who has a job, chris, steal from their work let me? >> definitely. greg: what do you feel? what can you steal from a comedy show, not inside jokes but. >> steal the show, obviously. [laughter] off till these fine people start. greg: you take from the bar. >> well, that is true but sometimes i depending on the service on a human bartender sometimes i still back tips if it doesn't go that well. greg: that's so funny. that is very bad. >> this is off-topic but one time i met this girl we're talking and we got drinks and
the bartender was like, oh, is that together separate and the girl said separate like right away and i said oh, sorry. i like thanks a lot, bartender so i took of you back. anyway. [laughter] i guess i was doomed either way. ham lady i feel like there's more to the story because it wasn't it was 89 year period. could not have been just the boss but saw her do that. it could not have been a coworker -- it was a maneuver personally. kat: they probably called her ham lady. greg: i have a theory that it's like silence of the lambs. she was making a dress out of him. >> there you go. kat: i don't think this woman should be being merged. greg: password. kat: i don't think she should be charged but facing a crowd that is giving her a standing ovation
because holy, heck, that's a lot of ham. geez louise. how will you eat $9200 worth of ham? greg: to oversee the people and magicians who try to eat an entire car and she ate an entire pig, slice by slice. tyrus: sheet if you pigs. you know it was someone she worked with, right? probably older and one day he just had it and martha, i've been watching you for the last eight years stuffing ham in your throat every time. i've seen it. i've got photos. i have photos. the droids. greg: wouldn't it be great if she was just taking it home and putting it in her purse or putting in her pantyhose. tyrus: that he goes upstairs and says i've been covering this for eight years. sorry, sal, we don't care. every time one of the favorite
things on my cheat day is to make a hoagie. when i go get my meat i get to sample it. i've been doing this forever. if you want to add that up, felt like they don't give slices of meat away but never was setting her up went to the management and his evidence out this ass because she bought it for child and so now -- she laid it all out. i'll bet you that's what it is. [applause] >> do you notice any of the begin. greg: know and shoplift vegetables. we love our meat. final thoughts, next. final thoughts, next. i don't keep track of regrets.
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in 10-25 year olds. even if meningitis b is uncommon, that's not a chance we're willing to take. meningitis b is different from the meningitis most teens were probably vaccinated against when younger. we're getting the word out against meningitis b. our teens are getting bexsero. bexsero should not be given if you had a severe allergic reaction after a previous dose. most common side effects are pain, redness or hardness at the injection site; muscle pain; fatigue; headache; nausea; and joint pain. bexsero may not protect all individuals. tell your healthcare professional if you're pregnant or if you have received any other meningitis b vaccines. ask your healthcare professional about the risks and benefits of bexsero and if vaccination with bexsero is right for your teen. moms, we can't wait. ♪ greg: we are out of time. thanks to rob, chris, kat, tyrus, our studio audience, i'm greg gutfeld, i love
[applause] [cheers] jon: new developments in the allegations of sexual misconduct against supreme court nominee brett kavanaugh. his accuser reportedly anonymous no more speaking to the washington post. hello i'm jon scott. this is fox report. a 51-year-old professor at palo alto university in california, he reportedly says kavanaugh pinned her to a bed and attacked her at a house party in the 80s when both were teens. and that she escaped after a friend of kavanaugh jumped on them. the judge denies the allegations. rich edson is live at the white house with more. rich? >> good evening,