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tv   The Greg Gutfeld Show  FOX News  August 11, 2019 2:00pm-3:00pm PDT

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summer continues on. eric: yes. stay cool, high hydrated, they say, and check your elderly neighbors. arthel: keep the pets inside. thanks for joining us, gutfeld is upk next. ♪ ♪ [♪] greg: it's almost impossible to make a bad week worse. but load of people tried. first the media. after condemning heated rhetoric, what do they do? call everybody a nazi. when trump ordered the flags at half-staff msnbc had the real reason why. >> the president said that we'll fly our flags at half-mast until august 8. that's 8-8. i'm not going to imply he did this deliberately but i am use
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it as the ignorance of the adversary being demonstrated by the white house. the numbers 8-8 are significant in the neo-nazi movement. the letter "h" is the 8th letter of the alphabet and to them the numbers 8-8 refer to heil hitler. greg: how did mr. brian williams respond. >> i know you are keeping your options open. but as chilling as it is to hear, you are saying someone who knows better is offering or editing the word that show up and are read verbatim or are supposed to be read verbatim by the president? greg: that deserves another holy
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[bleep] so it is possible. great scoop. nazis are deciding when our flags remain at half-staff. are these the same nazis who told you a make up stories. they don't wake up in the morning and ask themselves, can i make this day any better? instead they can take any tragedy and make it worse. does saying this make the world a better place? >> he is inciting lay tread, inciting violence. inciting racism. if he doesn't unequivocally call it off and say this is wrong. and we stand together against this and we are doing this, this and this to help fight hate crimes. this is a president who seems to want these things to happen. greg: she had to get there. he wants these things to happen. by connection according to her husband joe, anyone who supports
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trump must feel that way, too. it's the expanding target of demonization which joe embraces saying those who support trump support white supremacy. >> you can't say i like his economic policy. you own it. you own the blood that happens. greg: by creating an unprovable conclusion based on the mind reading of a president's intentions, they paint targets on people. they see something and say nothing and hope you don't notice. but we do. last week's shooting suggests politics isn't the variable. the first theme was a racist environment nut. and they were the same lunatic driven by inconsequential lies.
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they seek immortality that the media doles out. meanwhile, politicians week joaquin castro believe they can doxx you for your beliefs. he treated out the names of trump donors. not to cause harm of course. he just wanted people to send them card on their birthdays. when you doxx people, it's hoping somebody will do the dirty work you won't do. so wealthy and borde -- -- weald bored they can shame equinox and soulcycle. they wage a trade war against you to ruin you economically if you don't obey them. like you, i was horrified after these shootings. but then during the coverage i got disgust. i realized the decent people
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were leaving the conversation and all that was left were the idiots turning up the heat to get eyeballs, to get clicks, to get votes. they see anyone not with them, as against them. i am evil, you are evil, rear all evil. but i won't call them that. i will just say they are wrong, myself guide. okay, maybe stupid. but every day i ask myself. am i going to be a plus or a minus. especially in a week filled with so many minuses. it's a high road worth taking. the air is worth taking and the view is long and perfect. retired green beret master sergeant barrie stafford.
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producer rob long. she is the sharp, witty from the motor city, kat timpf. and you need a forklift to lift his fork. my massive sidekick and host of foxnation, tyrus. i don't have specific questions. i assume everybody probably has something they want to say. >> that was pretty darn on target. so this stuff happens and people of good faith on all side are upset about it. before we can talk and say how do we deal with this, i would like to ask people to stop calling me a nazi. stop saying -- i have heard everything. i'm a white guy, i should die, i have no opinion. no citizen should hear that.
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any american trying to do the right thing. stop saying that. the other thing is when this happens, do not tell me i don't care. do not tell me this kind of stuff is beyond me, i don't give a crap about the country. people don't think that way. they are making a big mistake. we can get stuff done. but when you come at me that way screaming, telling me i suck. you have stopped everything. they want to do that. i don't feel bad for the left anymore. greg: what do you make of this, rob? >> first of all, i think 4 is more an h than 8. are there 88 keys in the piano.
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so the famous pianist liberace -- maybe. you are in a position when you are with a grouch friend and you make a joke -- with a group of friend and you make a joke. it adds to the conversation but in a weird way. you say why is this guy here? the one thing about these guys who are doing the shooting, they have a lot in common. a family trauma, a feeling of loneliness. they reached out to somebody, they have shown them their intention. and they aren't really -- there is no coherent policy. and they are young men. greg: they are almost always young men. are we creating more outsiders than ever before?
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and i think we are creating a culture where the norm @al things. involuntarily -- we have literature and poetry and war but we created the idea that's pathological and we found some pathological people to listen to this fox i can brew. kind of across the spectrum. and they are taking it too far and the rest of us are how did that happen? but it won't slow down until we as the culture figure it out. greg: i worry because of the dramatic changes in our culture because of social media, there are certain tools that are no longer required. we are citing a lot of -- we are creating a lot of people who don't have any tools. it used to be they would
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self-destruct. but now they are inviting people to come with them. >> actually, things are really great in the world. it's a great time to be alive. if you are a young person in america today, you are the richest, healthiest, most of blessed generation in the history of the planet. nobody has had it better than we have it in 2019. greg: unless you are kat. kat: i was confused about the reaction and the boycott of the rich people. because these people are actually shocked that their gym that charges $300 a month is owned by a capitalist? clearly this dude likes money. it's not a big deal for me. i have never been to seoulcycle. has anyone been there. you sit in a room with candles
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and strangers. i'm smart enough to know that's automatically a cult. tyrus: i am so offended, now i'm even more upset. >> they asked you not to do the squat. greg: tyrus, wrap it up. tyrus: i think we need to start being real about when things happen like this. unfortunately we live in a free society and there will be situations where inspired individual with bad intentions do terrible things. and we have to treat them the same as we would read an earthquake or tornado. we can't necessarily know what's going to happen. but we have to be prepared when it happens. we have to stop going to
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entertainment shows to get truth. that's what the news has become today. entertainment. we are entertain many and we make jokes about the news. if you come to tyrus to get life lessons on politics. thank you, but you are a moron. greg: i get a lot of good advice from you. tyrus: i am watching and what bothered me, i was doing stuff with my children. i wasn't by the tv. when i heard what happened, i looked for information. and i couldn't find it. i was flipping through handles, and it was all these experts blaming each other because we need a villain. you can't debt ratings if you don't have a villain. these things happened long before president trump. they will happen long after
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president trump. but they need villains for us to watch. there are people suffering who don't give a dam hot president was. the villain was the man with the gun. the villain was the man who planned it. they are the ones who planned it. and that's where it stops. you stop watching these shows because it's not news. it's entertainment. that's the sad part. my only advice is when things happen, do not look to politicians and news for ratings. focus on your family, friends, read stuff if you need it. but stop looking at the news sites for answers. it's [bleep]. that's where it is. greg: we'll have to end with that. coming up. you will never guess who dropped out of the 2020 race this week because you didn't realize he
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greg: the latest polls likely new hampshire primary voters showed 6 democratic candidates have zero supporters. it was 7 until this guy mike gravel dropped out. but joe is still number one, even though he says stuff like this. >> we choose science over fiction. we choose truth over facts. greg: truth over facts. it sounds dumb, but he looks so good saying it with those airators. coming in second is bernie who has a new ice cream named after him. it's called bernie's back. look me in the eye and tell me bernie's back. does it make you think of this?
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it sounds delicious. so far only nine candidate have qualified for the next debate which means this may be the last we'll hear from these guys. >> i think democrats win when we run on real solutions, not impossible promises, when we run on things that are workable, not fairytale economics. donald trump should be the last climate denier ever in the white house. you might as well fedex the election to donald trump. greg: notice he didn't say the post office. michael benny is running on his strength, being boring. he tweeted this week he doesn't want us to think about him. challenge accepted.
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then there is john delaney who remind me of someone. it's too bad. a self-made millionaire who successfully started companies comes out looking weird among a crowd of leftists. what about mary and williamson, the sexy psychic. please tell me she'll qualify for the next debate. sorry, but she is not there yet. what she seed is some bumper stickers. so i thought we would help. williamson 2020, leadership, honesty and ghost busting. williamson 2020, vote for me or i will hex your family. williamson 2020, i just spoke to our founding fathers and they
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want me as president. williamson 2020, bind is a scorpio and scorpios are stupid. williamson 2020, it's iter me or the succubus i shall such man will destroy all of you. >> what i'm surprised at is williamson isn't higher. greg * she is high. >> you have a stage full of weirdo crack pots. you want to go to the one who is most of entertaining. she is having her own focus group. you are right. they are weird. and also i think people are casting the campaign in their head. who do you want to see up
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against trump. i think a marianne-donald trump matchup would be the greatest. greg: it could be the greatest election in history. >> it's the only one that will end with two opponents make out. greg: they will marry and he'll say i will be the president and you will be the vice president. and they will be in a movie. what you eat bernie's back, kat? kat: funny, for money. honestly i am confused by all these candidates polling at zero and they are staying tonight like i'm going to make this work. i once dated a guy for two years being like, i am going to make
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this work even though he very clearly did not like me. i call it the okay babe, can i come over. he said you can't come here when my roommates are home because i don't want them to know i'm dating you. i would go okay, bye, do you need food. he always needed food. i have no idea how he's eating now. except maybe the wife had during the two years i spent not going to his home. greg: i feel like i should have been paid $330 an hour to hear that. what are your thoughts on the lineup so far. where is it going, tyrus. tyrus: one time my son ran track, a track meet and they gave him a 9th place. there were only 8 people in it.
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i love him, but he's not fast. i didn't keep that trophy. threw it away. these kids keep the trophies. 0.0%? it's going to get better np? but it's not. they can't say what they should say. i wasted a lot of my own time and i need to get back to my real job. zero percent against an old white guy? sorry. if you get beat by an old white guy who don't know the truth and facts are the same damn thing. greg: barry -- tyrus: you can't argue with
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that. greg: i don't think biden's gaffes are the news, it's when he completes a sentence. >> these aren't gaffes. with biden, this is how they feel. they don't -- they do believe -- >> they are kinder of doing it now. -- they are kind of doing it now. they don't believe in -- they believe there is truth and not the facts. the people are going to drop out first are the ones who aren't crazy. saying maybe we can do a middle of the road thing. you are gone. if you are not going to offer free healthcare to illegal aliens, get off the stage. you won't make it. greg: i like the idea of going full bore and boring. it's pretty smart actually. trump is 12 years packed into four. we never had more news.
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it turns a 3-hour drive to 1-hour to the beach. less sleep more tweets. guess what's coming up? not woodstock. the concert has been canceled. let's be honest, you need insurance. but it's not really something you want to buy. it's not sexy... oh delicious. or delicious... or fun. ♪ but since you need both car and home insurance, why not bundle them with esurance and save up to 10%. which you can spend on things you really want to buy, like ah well i don't know what you'd wanna buy cause i'm just a guy on your tv. esurance. it's surprisingly painless.
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♪ ♪ >> live from america's news
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headquarterses, i'm jon scott, a law enforcement source telling fox news we can expect jeffrey epstein's preliminary autopsy results by tonight. he died yesterday morning of an apparent suicide. attorney general bill barr has ordered an investigation into why he was not properly monitored after reports epstein was taken off suicide watch in the days just before he was found unresponsive inside his manhattan jail cell. authorities in tennessee say they've captured escaped inmate curtis ray watson after five days on the run. he sexually assaulted and killed a 64-year-old prison administrator who lived on the prison grounds and then got away on a tractor. in the all happening wednesday morning when he had been released on his daily work detail. watson has been serving 15-year seasons for aggravated kidnapping. i'm jon scott, i'll see you at the top of the hour for "the fox report." plans to hold a concern
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the mud. organizers of woodstock 50 have given up citing a series of unforeseen sex acts. they tried to move to it maryland, but big names like jay-z canceled because they thought it was going to be in upstate new york not maryland. but don't let that stop you from having a good time. just because there is no music doesn't mean you can't go outside and rock. head banger steve and head banger jake. kat, i believe you dated both of them but at different times. do you go to music festivals?
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>> i don't go anywhere. i am shocked by this story. i am shocked that this event aimed at hip why is ran out of money. i always thought it was the way to riches. but you would think you could have gotten it together because you don't have to waste time on showers. greg: these music festivals are expensive. we have better things to do. tyrus: yes, i enjoy them. the bodyguard have to stand at a concert and listen to a skinny dude sing the same song every night. every once in a while somebody would want to jump on the stage to meet him, and that's when i got to do my job.
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am i surprised the new generation of woodstock gave up? you can't download permits on your computer. you have to actually go get it. it's hot outside. uber won't take you all the way up there. we have to actually go to the concert? i thought it was streaming. so hold on, i have got to post it so i can get some comfort food. >> it's post mate. tyrus: pay somebody to shop for you. bring you stuff. no white man and no delivering food where i am from. i have been saying it for months. the new racism is getting all white men out.
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>> imitate 5 years old now. i would not want to go and try to relive that. you can never recreate it. the whole glamor around woodstock. however you cut it together, it's gone. kat: i got a sunburn and someone ran up to me and offered me opium. what? you don't have any motrin? >> where is this place? greg: i think things are just way better now. you only had 3 tv channels back at the time of wood shock. and am radio and crappy food. remember tv dinners? the only good thing about that
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era were the cars. >> it's not surprising the generation that went to woodstock couldn't get it together to do it again. they brought up the 70s. so it's not like they are great at executing great stuff. i enjoyed the little fair. someone braided my hair. they are kind of fun if you are young. but the woodstock thing sounds like an old person's idea of fun for young people. greg: i judge every event by one thing. the toilet facilities. if it doesn't meet my standards, i won't go. i could be meeting the pope. if there is a port-a-potty there, i won't go. everybody agreed.
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>> when nixon went to china in the early 70s, he was most of concerned about the toilet. they had to fly a toilet in for him because at that point in china they had two bricks and a hole. it's used a lot overseas, actually. greg: are the days of waiting in line at a bar over? i wouldn't know. you ever wish you weren't a motaur? sure. sometimes i wish i had legs like you. yeah, like a regular person. no. still half bike/half man, just the opposite. oh, so the legs on the bottom and motorcycle on the top? yeah. yeah, i could see that.
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for those who were born to ride, there's progressive. yeah, i could see that. i've always been amazed and still going for my best, even though i live with a higher risk of stroke due to afib not caused by a heart valve problem. so if there's a better treatment than warfarin... i want that too. eliquis. eliquis is proven to reduce stroke risk better than warfarin. plus has significantly less major bleeding than warfarin. eliquis is fda-approved and has both. what's next? reeling in a nice one. don't stop taking eliquis unless your doctor tells you to, as stopping increases your risk of having a stroke. eliquis can cause serious and in rare cases fatal bleeding. don't take eliquis if you have an artificial heart valve or abnormal bleeding. while taking eliquis, you may bruise more easily and it may take longer than usual for any bleeding to stop. seek immediate medical care for sudden sign of bleeding, like unusual bruising. eliquis may increase your bleeding risk if you take certain medicines. tell your doctor about all planned medical or dental procedures. eliquis, the number one cardiologist-prescribed blood thinner.
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greg: a british data company introduced a new artificial intelligence system to keep jerks from cutting in line at a bar. it scan faces in a crowded bar creating a list for the human
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bartender. people waiting for a drink can see what number they are by viewing themselves on a screen above the bar and how long they can expect to wait. developers say future versions would include automatic reordering and running a tab. tyrus: it's not enough for humans, so it keeps going, child, child, bring you out. that sucks. i am dead against it. i think the bar should be like the jungle. i never wait.
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and the little guy next to me says you are thirsty, get what you want. greg: and it's flowrpy. tyrus: i enjoy a good white russian. okay? you are supposed to order a flat russian or mocha russian? bring the two worlds toblght? does that make you sick? greg: kat, you are a girl. kat: yeah. greg: i think it's unfair when i'm at the bar and the bartenders who are male would automatically go to you. you will waltz in and they will wait on you. that's sexist discrimination and i welcome the robot overlords.
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kat: i don't like this for that reason. and also because the face thing. they scan your face. i don't want anyone knowing anything about my face when i'm at a bar. when i'm at a bar i am generally not behaving in ways i would put on my resume. greg: rob? i think you and i drink alike. find a bar, be a regular. >> part of gore yaifting your way through a bar, you make meaningful eye could be tact with the bartender and wait your turn. i never knew a bartender who didn't come back to you. i gotcha. you are not allowed to order your drink? you have got to negotiate this sufficient socially. greg: when i go to the butcher i
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like to pull the piece of paper. i like knowing it's happening and some other person interloper can get in front of me when i want my pork. tyrus: i have a relationship with my butcher. ify fishmonger -- kat: i would die without ever having gone to a butcher. greg: in the old days when i would go to the blacksmith -- >> i had an appoints with the haberdasher. greg: you get to know the people. don't hit on the server. it's like the self-driving cars. i want to drive the damn car. i want to make decisions. i don't want someone to scan my
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face and take me to where i am going. if you are a regular, become a regular. a good bartender, the third one is on them. you tip right. the idea that -- you don't get too drunk. greg: don't puke in the toilet. don't hit on the servers. kat: what's wrong with puking in the toilet. >> the part of going to a bar is being in the bar. this all i stayed home and played video games. there is no experience. greg: unless you are drunk. being a world class celebrity i have to act very good at a bar. if i get in an argument it will end up on tmz. tyrus: i have known you for years and i have seen different behavior. tmz, they are not that desperate
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greg: do politics get in the way
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of you enjoying your day? that seems to be the case for tommy lee. tweeting when a liberal wins the white house there will be a planned parenthood on every corner. that brings us to a segment we are calling "who asked you." it's like you can't go anywhere without someone going none an unsolicited political rant. thankfully we have just the thing. >> i saw a movie with my family this weekend. karen, did you see to it story 4? >> yes, it was so good. >> do the toys reflect the diversity of our country? congrats, joe, i heard you are having a baby boy. >> why does the baby gender
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matter. the baby can decide its gender and when it's ready be it will tell us. are you rooting for the cowboys. >> i can't wait. >> can you root for the cowboys in any year considering what they did to the brazos river in 1849? >> sounds like you could use a break. >> the unsolicited politics neutralizer blocks others from inserting politics into ordinary smalltalk so you can enjoy every day interactions again. you ready for the game? >> no, they sing the national even them at those baseball games. which is this an amazing country and all the sacrifices that went
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into it. play ball. >> the unsolicited politics neutralizer, change your experience into a desirable one. >> i wish i had that device. not long ago was coming back from california. this gal sat next to me. she saw the special forces. and started launching into the anti-trump stuff. she just started going on and on and on. and i diffused the situation with beef jerky. i said are you hungly, she said yes, i shared beef jerky with her and she gave me some.
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greg: rob, do you have any tips on dealing with unsolicited political? >> we all have to develop that political stare in the middle distance like this. >> that's good. oh, my god. that's awesome. >> it added years to my life. i'm telling you. it added years to my life. tyrus i do the same stare but it's more like this. a little bit of a different effect. greg: kat, do you have a stare?
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kat: yes. but i don't feel bad. i talk about politics for a living. so it could be annoying of me to complain about it. i think thanks guys, you watch and i get to do this for work. they have to talk about it for free and they don't get to have their hair and makeup done first. but showing them pictures of your cat always works because nobody gives a [bleep] about that. greg: trump is iewning this country, how can you be a conservative? that's very scary. all right. the gutfeld monologues fall tour begins next month, september 14
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to get your windshield fixed. with safelite, you can see exactly when we'll be there. saving you time for what you love most. >> kids: whoa! >> kids vo: ♪ safelite repair, safelite replace ♪ >> august 17 i will be in covington will be sienna raising support for fallen sheriffs in families that need support. if you are in louisiana, and check me out. greg: is that it? >> i'm going to p. appeared in to go home. greg: thank you. we will see you monday. i love you.
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[applause] jon: we are awaiting the preliminary autopsy report on jeffrey epstein who died yesterday in what authorities say appears to be citizen. good evening, i'm jon scott, this is "the fox report." ♪ jon: the wealthy financier was facing trial for allegedly orchestrating a sex trafficking ring involving underage girls. he was taken off suicide watch days before he was found unresponse i have in his jail cell -- unresponsive in his jail cell. this comes as president trump faces backlash after retweeting a conspiracy theory about epstein's death. democratic presidential candidate beto o'rourke says this is typical behavior from the president. >> another example of our president

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