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tv   World News Now  ABC  November 9, 2015 1:05am-4:29am CST

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she's hurting my nose's feelings. go talk to her. you'll see. hey, kira, i'm ally, the wardrobe girl. - oh, is that for me? - no! it's for me. my nose is always cold. ha! okay, her breath is not as fresh as it could be, but i still don't think we should say anything. austin, she looks great on camera and it's only a two-day shoot just deaeawith it. trish, we're ready to roll! attention, the wheel of terror ride is now closed. please vacate the area. no fair! i've been waiting here for an hour. you can't close the ride! aw, now you're too short. you coulul't have gotten on the ride anyway. fine, but i want the face this sad child stuck in your brain.
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okay, guys, remember, you're in love. so i want you nose to nose, gazing into each other's eyes. do we have to be nose to nose? can't we be back to back? nono that is not my vision. trish, start her up. enjoy the wheel of terror. and action! okay, trish, when it gets to the top, i want you to slow it down so i can see their faces as they come around. you can do that, can't you? i don't knowow 'cause pulling a l ler is so hard. ( brakes clank ) huh! it's harder than it looks. why did we stop? i don't know. but i hope it's not for long 'cause i'm scared of heights. ah-- we probably shouldn't sit too close.
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if the car gets imbalanceded we'll fall, and it'll be a horrible breath---i mean death. okay, now i'm really scared. you'll be fine. just take deep breaths. ( exhales ) okay, take small breaths, really small breaths. what's the hold up down there? trish is on the phone with maintenance. i'm sure they'll be here any minute. more like any hour. the maintenance man is still fixing the roller coaster i broke earlier. it's gonna be an hour. no! yes! and then when i turned seven, my dad got me a new cat to replacer. whiskers. sorry i'm babbling. talking helps to calm me down. are you crying? that last story really got to me. i can'n'imagine why mr. whiskers would run away from you. i don't know either. he had it so good. every night, i would hold his little face to mine and sing to him. - do you want to hear the song? - no! no no.
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happy little kitty, ha ha ha quiet little kitty, hush hush hush! thank k u, mr. maintenance man. oh oh! i'm out! whoo! sweet sweet freedom. thank you so much for getting us down. what can i do to repay you? uh... ( laughs ) don't say another word and we'll call it even. i can't go on any more rides with kira. dez, yououe got to get a newewirl! you can't, dez. you don't understand how fragile a girl's ego is. if you make her feel insecure, she'll die inside. i think something already died inside. i'm gonna get kira ready for the next scene, 'cause i know you're going to do the right thing and not replace her. forget about her feelings. i can't replace her because we're about to shoot the two of you in the big hamster-ball ride.
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are you crazy? you want me in an air-tight bubble with... ( exhaling ) her?! yes. the hamster ball represents your own little world of love. it's like you share the same heart... ( inhales ) breathe the same air. i don't want to breathe the same air. i know you don't, but i love the passion. use that in the scene. ( screaming ) help! h hp! guys, the zipper broke! ally's stuck in the hamster ball with kira. hang on, ally! oh no! ahhh! ( gasping ) oh! help! hey, maintenance guy! help again! girls: lp! help! - ( zipper unzipping ) - help help! help help! i was wrong. you gotta replace her.
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all right, let me think. if we cast a new girl before we shoot tomorrow, i can cut her on the stuff we've already shot and... kira, we need to talk. you don't need to use the bullhorn. well, i don't want to talk to h h up close. here comes the head of your record label. jimmy's here? - sweetie! - daddy! jimmy is kira's dad? aw, man, you know what that means? she'll have a ride home after we fire her? no, it means we can't fire her. no!
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all: jimmy! we didn't know ra was your daughter. i wanted h h to get the part on her own. well, let me tell you, she takes our breath away. i've always known she was talented, ever since she sang to that cat before he ran away. aw, daddy! how can you stand that? that we're keeping your little angel away from you? we talk a lot on thehehone. i wish we haddthat option.
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i expect great things. show me around the set, sweetie. okay. well, over here is the bottle toss. if you look-- i was talking to my daughter. what are we gonna do? the big kissing scene is coming up. all we h he to do is freshen kira's breath without her knowing. i agree, but you gotta be subtle. ( laughs ) please! i know how to be subtle. mints! get your free mints here. aw, man, none left for us. lucky for you ere's one left. i call it! here, kira, i got you a corn dog. a little mustard, a little special sauce-- hey, look, someone just won a goldfish.
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enjoy. uh, no thanks. corn dogs are gross. i'm just gonna eat this gararc and anchovy pizzaainstead. ha! hot. ( gasping ) ( coughing ) here's the mouthwash. - hope this works. - i hope you pour faster. - go go go! - i'm going. don't tell me what to do. okay, now you're both having fun at the squirt-gun booth. and action! kira, turn to austin and give him a big open-mouthed smile. wider. wider! wider! ah! hey! you're silly. we can't get kira to freshen her breath. nothing's working. that girl can't take a hint or a mint.
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plan b-- we're going to get her to quit by making me s%em disgusting. i'm going to drool all over her. i'm attaching this drool tube to austin's cheek using this fake piece of skin. you won't even know he has it on. a little bit here, a little to the left, a lot to theheight. here and.... eck it out! both: ew! awesome! all right, time for the kissing scene. ally, go get kira. trish, you shut down the tubs o' fun ride. the tubs o' fun ride is now closed. please vacate the area. again?! you're destroyoyg my childhood memories! memories are overrated. stop living in the past. go on. all right, guys, i'm fighting the clock so this'll be the last shot of the day.
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you're two kids in love. you're in a bucket. now kiss! - ( ( ter pouring ) - ah! what's wrong? uh, nothing. all right, let's try this again. austin, lean in for the kiss. i'm sorry, i can't do this. i, uh, forgot that i don't want to be an actress. both: yay! - it worked! - both: ew! you heard her. she doesn't even want to be an actress. we didn't need the drool tube after all. girls! oh, hi. excuse me. hello. what are all these girls doing here? we're recasting austin's girlfriend for the video.
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breathe, please. ( exhales ) next. i don't even want to know. austin, i heard what happened. you did? how could you not tell me you have a drooling problem? what? kira told me you drool. it's okay, son. i too was a drooler. uh, well, then you must know-- it's been ha. we know it bothered kira, but don't worry. we're recasting now so we can finish the video. forget it. thank you for coming, ladies. austin, there's someone here who wants to apologize. - austin-- - ( gagging ) i'm sorry for quitting. i shouldn't have been so insensitive about your drooling problem. um, that-- that's okay.
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great. now we can do the kissing scene. you better not enjoy it. oh, trust me, i won't. my daughter's reaction made me realize that your drooling story needs to be told. it does? i've arranged for you to speak to the kids' club of miami this afternoon. tell them how drooling didn't keep you from achieving your dreams. well, it didn't. right. let's go, kira. perfect! now i have to kiss kira and let the whole world know i have a disgusting drooling problem. it's okay, buddy. we'll get through this drooling problem together. i don't have a drooling problem! but you clearly have some anger problems.
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life is like a hurricane here in duckburg racecars, lasers, aeroplanes it's a duck-blur might solve a mystery or rewrite history ducktales whoo-oo everyryay, they're out there making ducktales whoo-oo tales of derring-do, bad and good luck tales d-d-d-danger watch behind you there's a stranger out to find you
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what to do? just grab on to some ducktales whoo-oo every day, they'r'rout there making ducktales whoo-oo tales of derring-do, bad and good luck tales whoo-oo not pony tales or cotton tales, no ducktales whoo-oo ladies and gentlemen, austin moooo ( all cheering ) thank you. austin's about to give his speech to the kids' club of miami. - is his drooling rig ready? - yep, the tank's all full. it took me hours to fill it up with my drool. why didn't you just fill it up with water?
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hi, kids, i'm austin moon, and i drool... a lot! but i didn't let that stop me from pursuing my dreams. ( liquid pouring ) whoo! now that is inspiring. whoo! give him a little more droro. the kids can barely see it. -( squeaking ) - oh, trust me, he's going to get a lot more drool. no, seriously, this knob just came off in my hand. fix it! if you work hard and don't give up, success will flow out of you like a river. ( kids screaming ) all: eww! ahh! it's those kind of reactions that you have to rise above. austin, what's going on? all: jimmy! look, jimmy, the truth is
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no, really? the tube dangling from your face kind of gave it away. sorry,y,immy. we lied about the drooling so kira would quit the video. austin didn't want to kiss her 'cause... she has bad breathv bad breath? we're talking really bad. on a scale of one to 10, 87. all: at least. 89, really. how could you not know? well, when i was eight, i had a procedure to fix my drooling; took away my sense of smell. ( laughing ) so you don't smell anything right now? nole. dez, we can still smell. gross! i'm sorry, jimmy. we should have been honest, but we didn't want to hurt kira's feelings. and you're not going to hurt them now. i'll deal with her breath later, but we've e t a video to finish tonight. so you'd better figure something out.
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( playing ) walked up to you, it was a grey december monday asked for directions on the street do you remember, it was cold and it was raining but it felt like summertime to me 'cause when you opened up your mouth it was like sunshine coming out you changed the world outside my window right there you blew my heart away and i remembebe when i met you thinking that you are not an ordinary girl this wasn't gonna be no ordinary day yeah
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no, no ordinary day ay ay ay ay no ordinary day oh yeah no ordinary day. wow, the video looks great, dez. - thanks. i heard jimmy likes it. - he loves it. i really appreciate you guys wearing those masks so i don't catch your colds. no problem. - very sick. - so contagious. i know why yoyo cat ran away. ( theme music playing ) i hope you guys had fun, 'cause i just got fired. what happened? somebody complained about me. i wonder who. hey, look, a photo booth. let's take some pictures so we don't forget this day.
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not of the photo booth! us in the photo booth. come on. - scooch over! - ally: move over! - smile! - all: yeah! no ordinary day oh yeah no ordinary day. ( grunting ) i am austimus! i am dezimus! and i-- amamutting these away-imus. before they break-imus. because, trust me, you cannot afford-imus. wow! you speak really good gladiator. guess who got a job at the mall customer service.
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i have to take calls from angry customers complaining about bad service. - ( headset rings ) ) - mall customer servrve. ohohi'm sorry that salespeople always keep you waiting. please hold. who do they call when they want to complain about you? me. that's the beauty of this job. - how's the new song coming? - it still needs a lot of work. - we don't have a second verse-- - great, because i just booked austin on "the wanda watson show" this week. - that's awesome, trisis - "wanda watson's" my favorite talk s sw. last week she and tom hanknk made gift bags oututof old socks. ewww! hey, trish, jerk alert. your ex-boyfriend just walked in. hey, guys. hey, trish. trent, for the last time, i'm tired of listening to your apologies. well, then you don't have to listen. just read. "i'm... sorry...
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that--" okay, this is gonna take forever. wait, please. just read it. "i pretended tbe your boyfriend just to become austin's backup dancer and that i had another girlfriend the entire time and--" this is ridiculous. why should trish accept your t-shirt apology? sure, it's clever and adorable and swswt and kind of rorontic. - ally. - yeye. look, okay, the point is i'm sorry. so what do you say? will you wear this "apology accepted" hoodie? does that answer your question? trent, get your t-shirts and your hoodie - and get outta here. - ( sighs ) yeah, get your t-shirts and get out of here. ( rock music playing )
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'cause you've got my back and i'm not going under you're my point, you're my guard, you're the perfect chord and i see our names together on every billboard we're h hded for the top, t it on lock we'll make 'em say, "hey!" and we'll keep rockin' oh! there's no way i could make it without ya do it without ya, be here without ya it's no fun when you're doing a solo with you, it's like, "whoa!" yeah, and i know i own this dream 'cause i got you with me therere no way i could make it without ya do it without ya, be here without ya! whatever it is i got it don't know what to call it
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whatever it is, i got it don't know what to call it thehe's no way around it, yeah, i got it, too whoa! yeah, i got it, too whoa! girl, you got it, too whoa! yeah, i got it, too whoa! girl, you got it, too whoa! man, another great song, ally. you're the best songwriter in the biz. i wouldn't say i'm the best, but you can. i'll say it. that song is great. trent, how long have you been standing there? long enough to know that that is a great song. look, i know there are no shortcuts to making it. so i was hoping ally would wrwre me a song to make memean overnight sensation. why y uld i help you? yoyohurt my best friend. yeahbuh-bye.
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don't you believe in second chances? of course i do. well, i don't. so again, buh-bye. austin, i gave you a second chance when y y kind of stole my song. austin stole your song? she said "kind of." it was an accident. and i'm glad i forgave you because look how awesome it turned out. it turned out awesome because i'm awesome-us. but he's jerk-imus. i believe everyone's born with a seed of goodness, and if you water it with kindness and trust, will blossom into something beautiful.l. huh. i never thought of it like that. you guys are really inspiring. in fact, i don't even need your help anymore, ally. a song just came to me. thanks. see what just happened there?
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( headset rings ) - hey, trish, what are-- - excuse me. mall customer service, what's your complaint? uh-huh. uh-huh. well, i can assure you, trish from the nail salon was fired last week. so, trish, as you know, since austin became famous, he and i have been working on his line of celebrity products. austin cell phone case. austin disposable wipes. austin toothbrush. electric and manual. but we're still trying to perfect austin's signature fragrance. - we call this one "manly." - hmm. it smells like nacho cheese and dirty socks. exactly! the two most manly smells we could think of. eww. whatatlse you got? check out this sweet puppy.
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it smells like honey and wet dog. exactly, that's why we call it "sweet puppy." both: what up?! come on, austin. we have some important business to take care of. let me guess. you want me to sing to the girl at zinga juice so you can get a free smoothie. no, i wantntou to sing to the girl at the movie theheer so i can get some free tickets. let's go. - hello, dez. - ooh. uh... i don't think i'm supposed to be talking to you. i just want to say, after austin, ally, and trish, you are the most important person on team austin. why, thank you. you're welcome, and i think you're an amazing director. i love what t u did in this vivio. they wanna know-know-know your name-name-name they want the girl-girl-girl... ( music continues ) well, i'll let you in on a little secret. there weren't really five austins.
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so how'd you get the effect? i'm not just gonna tell you my secret technique. you never know who might be listening. i'll whisper it to you. ( rock music playing ) hey, dez, here's those sweaty gym socks you wanted. ( sniffs ) ahhh. you making more cologne for austin? nope, gift bags. whatever it is, i got it don't know what to call it ain't no way to hide it, girl-- mr. cocoey, where did you hear that song? - it's all over the internet. - the internet? you know, that place where people go on their computers - to look up stuff and shop and-- - i know what the internet is! how did our song get online? it hasn't even been released yet. it's not austin's song. it's by this new artist t-fame. i'm thinking about doing a cover of it for my reggae band. - you're in a reggae band? - ( jamaican accent ) there's a lot of things about me you don't know. whatever it i i i got it
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( sighs ) who's t-fame and how'd he get our song?! whatever it is, i got it don't know what to call it... excuse me. can i borrow that for a second? yeah, i got it, too whatever it is, i got it don't know what to call it therere no way to hide it yeah, i got it, t t whatever it is, i got it - don't know what to call it... - ( gasping ) t-fame is trent. he stole our song. and he totally copied the "double take" video.
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i'm never gonna trust anyone again. you can always trust me. can i, austin? can i? and how did he pull off the video? it's exactly the same as "double take." somebody must have told him the secret technique. we'll probably never know who it was. okay, i did it! you broke me. i'm so ashamed. i was gonna sing that song on "the wanda watson show." i hate that guy. forget about trent, or "t-lame," or whatever he's calling himself. he can't write his own songs, and he's not as talented as austin. trust me. he's a flash in the pan. t-fame is no flash in the pan. his meteic rise resembles that of another overnight sensation-- austin moon. i sat down with t-fame to ask him, "is there a new pop star rivalry brewing?" is there a new pop star rivalry brewing? well...
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but yeah, it's on. stay smooth. ( clicks tongue ) whoa! did you guys hear the rumor? austin and t-fame have a rivalry. there is no rivalry. he just made it up. this is crazy. it's like he's copying my whole life. well, i wouldn't go that far. 'sup, losers? meet t-fame's new best bud dex. - both: what up?! - two fingers. he's totally cocoing my life! you didn't even do the "what up" right, trent. he it's t-fame. no, it's trent. hey, chill, man. stay smooth. there's two of him?
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you're not gonna get away with this, trent. i already did. and it's t-fame now, okay? capital "t," capital "f." it should be capital "t" for thief. - you stole my song. - hey, austin stole your song, too. - it was a aaccident. - an accident? okay, well, then mine was an accident, too. i accidentally stole the cd. i accidentally shot a music video, and i accidentally-- ooh! made it a big hit. my bad. i knew you couldn't be trusted. i'm not a pushover like some people. or a sucker like... othehepeople. or a dimwit like... dez. ha! she called you a sucker. this ends now, trent. i'm gonna go online and tell all my fans what a fake you are.
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this feud is officially on. austin moon has accused t-fame of musical thievery. sounun like someone isisealous. and by someone, i mean austin moon. we have a new "crybaby of the week." ( baby crying ) i'm not a crybaby. i can't believe the post to your fans backfired. you can clear things up when you go on "the wanda watson show." it'll just be you and her. austin, i can't wait go on "the wanda tson show" with you. what are you talking about? you didn't know? he didn't know. i told wanda we'd go on her show and end our long-standing feud. long-standing? you didn't even exist two days ago. yeah, you guys are going on between kristen stewart, and-- don't freak out-- the bee whisperer! - who would freak out ababt-- - the bee whisperer?! i love the bee whisperer! did you see the episode where he got 1,000 bees
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to rescue that kitten trapped in a well? yes! he can train the bees to do anything. ( shrieking ) i can't believe this. first you steal my song, then my video, and now you're stealing my tv appearances? aw, don't get upset, crybaby. yeah, stay smooth. dex, that's my thing. stay smooth. i am not a big fan of t-fame, but i gotta say, i really like that dex guy.
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( rock music playing ) i hereby call thisisteam austin meeting to order. first up-- getting back at t-fake. dez isn't here yet. revenge waits for no one. i want trent to pay for what he did.
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austin, we shouldn't rush into anything. i know, ally. you're gonna say we should sit down and reason with him. watetethe plant, people, d goodness will grow. blah, blah, blah. no, i was gonna say we shouldn't rush our revenge. i wanna get this guy. we need to be ruthless, plan every detail, make no mistakes. i don't wanna go back to jail! i saw that in a movie once. i like this new ally. we're gonna have a lot of fun together. so w wtcha got? this might be going too far, but before trent goes on "wanda watson," we put a "kick me" sign on his back. and old ally's back. hey, guys, check out my super cool austin suit. dez, we don't have time for new auauin moon merchandise right now.
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we know he steals everything from austin. we'll leave this s before "the wanda watson show" and he won't be able to resist taking it. and then we stick the "kick me" sign on the back. sweetie, the adults are talking. so where does the revenge come in? this is a sticky suit. when he stands up, this'll happen. - awesome! what a great idea. of course, he'll be even more embarrassed because he won't be wearing extra pants underneath like i am. dez, you're not wearing extra pants. what? ( screams ) the hilarious kristen stewart. we'll be right back with austin moon and t-fame.
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the trap's been set. trent was totally checking out my suit. we left it hanging up in the dressing room. now we just gotta sit back and wait fororim to steal it. trent's gonna be so embarrassed when his pants fall off on national tv. i almost feel bad that i'm gonna enjoy this so much. - i'm gonna go look out for trent. - ( bees buzzing ) it's the bee whisperer. i'm gonna go get his autograph. - hey, bee whisperer. - shh! ( whispering ) whisper. there are bees presese. now listen up, bees. when you go out onstage remember, no stinging. this is so cool. this is so stupid. here he comes, but he's not wearing the suit. see you out there, austin. i can't wait to promote my new product line.
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- that's austin's cologne. - oh. not anymore. it's mine now. later, losers. bye, dez. both: what up?! your "what up's" getting worse. it's not that hard. ( dex and t-fame sing ) great, now our plan isn't working. i can't believe trent's gonna win again. guys, don't t ve up yet. we still have this. can we give up now? - ( audience cheering ) - and we're back with austin moon and t-fame. so, guys, ( snapping fingers ) let's keep this real. tell me all about your rivalry. we don't have a rivalry. in fact, i i like to hear about t-fame's next song, since he writes his own songs. whatcha working on, t? you know, lots of stuff,
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it's called "stay smooth." ooh. oh! smells like honey and wet dog. that's probably what it is. ( sniffs ) - 18,782. - no. - 18,783. - no. - 18,784. - for the last time, ( shouts ) i don't know how many bees i have here! leave me alone! what are you doing? i'm trying to count the bees. you're lettingnghem out. now don't freak out, t-fame, but a bee has just landed on you. oh, it's just one little bee. no biggie. - ( buzzing ) - and there's another bee. and another one and another. a few bees have neverrbothered t-fame.
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how about 5,000 bees? ( gasps ) ( screaming ) no-- get off-- the bees are totally going after trent. calm down. my bees don't sting. nobody panic. nobody panic. - what did he just say? - it was "something panic, something panic." ( screaming ) aggh! please, get 'em m f me! - ( screams ) - no, please! help! help! please, it's tickling me. get 'em off, please. hey, trent, stay smooth. ( laughing ) everyoyo's still buzzing about t-fame and austinnmoon's appearancee on "the wanda watson show." t-fame is now accusing austin of-- get this-- causing the bee attack. t-fame or t-blame?
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looks like we have a new "crybaby of the week." ( baby crying ) ( laughing ) i can't believe trent didn't get stung once. stupid bee whisperer. it's gonna take him a long time tlive this down. i know. when i destroyed the "helen" set, it took people a year to stop talking about me. tv announcer: according to viewers, t-fame has the second most embarrassing tv disaster ever. still at number one-- ally dawson on "the helen show." ow! - ( glass shatters ) - ( laughing ) - classic. - never gets old. she had a drum on her head. laugh all you want, someday i'll get my revenge.
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- trish: hey! why'd you kick me? - ( austin and dez wincing ) told ya. ( piano music playing ) it's so exciting aust and ally like each other. when are they gonna admit that they wanna be together? sometimes it's hard for people to express their feelings. hm. if you wanna run i'll be your road. what's the next line? "if you want a friend." right. friend. i like that. you do? you don't think we should use a stronger word? i don't know. maybe.
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i just don't wanna mess up our... song. yeah, i'd hate to rush into new song and change the great song we already have. hey, guys. what's up? anything new? nope, just wriring a song. so nothing's changed? well, we finished the third verse. so would you say that some progress has been made and the two of you are moving in a positive direction? trish, can i talk to you outside for a second? austin, we weren't really talking about the song. we were tataing about you and ally. i kinda figured that out. look, it's complicated. i really like ally, but i like kira too. i just don't want to hurt anybody. ally, we weren't really talking about the song. we were talking about you and austin.
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look, i know he has feelings for me. but for all i know, he still w wts to be with kira.a. boo-hoo! he's gonna have to d dl with this at some point. well, i'm not sitting around waiting for him to decide who he wants to be with. my mom's coming home from africa today, and i wanna focus on her. good for you. never wait on a guy. actually, never wait on anybody. that's why i'm a terrible waitress. i'm gonna forget about the whole austin thing for now. honestly, i'm so over it. what do you think they're talking about in there? you hear anything? no, it's really quiet. you hearnything? no, it's really quiet. ( theme music playing ) when the crowd wants momo i bring on the thunder 'cause you've got my back
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and i'm not going under you're my point, you're my guard you're the perfect chord and i see our names together on every billboard we're headed for the top, we've got it on lock we'll make 'em say "hey!" and we'll keep rockin' oh, there's no way i could make it without ya do it without ya, be here without ya it's no fun when you're doing it solo with you it's like, "whoa," yeah, and i know i own this dream 'cause i got you with me there's no way i could make it without ya do it without ya, be here without ya. more to the right. ooh, if i go any more to the right, i'm gonna fall. i know, that's why i said more to the right.
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but the skirt's a little tight. that's 'cause it's a doormat. clearly, you're nonoup on the latest fashions in africa. ally?! all: welcome home, mom! i missed you so much. oh, i missed you too, honey. why are you wearing a doormat? clearly, you're not up on the latest african fashions. austin, it's so nice to finally meet you. oh! and i'm so excited that you're gonna perform at my book-signing party. i can't wait to play the jungle cafe! - it's part-cafe, part-jungle! - ( laughing ) ally told me you're funny. what'd ally say about me? she said that... your name is dez. awesome! thanks, ally. trish! oh, you look great! tell me, where are you working this week?
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ooh, fantastic! i've got gifts for everyone. copies of my new book. oh, thanks. oh, where are the gifts? well, we're gonna get going. i'm sure you and your mom wawaa catch up. can you sign this fofome? it'll be worth more when i sell it. i mean, read it. bye, trish. mom, i have so much to tell you. well, why don't you start with the budding romance between you and austin? ( high-pitched ) what?! oh, it is so obvious that he likes you. e way he pumped up s chest and flared his nososils and bared hihiteeth. you mean smiled? it is classic gorilla love behavior. austin and i do like each other, but it's complicated. i think he still has feelings for another girl.
1:54 am
thanks, mom. but i'm good. i've got my music, i've got you here. i don't have time for boy drdra. good for youou let's go have a nice lunch. i need to something civilized. you have no idea what it's like hanging around apes for a year. i think i have some idea. i've been hanging around dez. what? austin, you need to make a decision. i know, but it's hard. i like ally, but kira's great too. no, i'm talking about the pizza. sausage or mushroom? you need to make a decision. hey, there's kira. i don't know what to say to her. maybe she won't notice-- kira! over here! dez, i didn't want her to see me.
1:55 am
ooh, never mind! forget it! hey, kira. listen, i've been meaning to-- call? i know. i would have, but i'm still trying to-- figure things out? i know. i just wannanaell you that i-- been acting like a a of? know. i was gonna say i'm sorry. look, austin, i thought we had something. but if you think you should be with ally, just let me know. you mean right now? bye, austin. i don't know how i'm gonna decide. u just have to ask yourself one simple question. when you look inside your heart, do you see yrself with sausage or mushroom?
1:56 am
- ( music stops ) - oh, honey. you are so talented. i wish you didn'n'have stage fright, so other people could see thth. i'm working on it. your dad and i just know you can do it. how is he doing, by the way? he's good. he joined an extreme couponing club. keeps him busy. you know, we may have split up, but i still want him to be happy. hi, penny. i read your book d i am not happy. what are you taing about? chapter nine. chester, the cheap gorilla. he's stingy with his bananas. that's obviously me. don't be silly. no, chester is a real gorilla i observed in the wild. nobody's gonna think it's you. - we read your book. - loved it. hey, mr. dawson. that cheap gorilla in theheook is supposed to be you, right? your book was so inspiring.
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that'shy i wrote it. we have so much that we can learn from animals. like how they act on instinct, instead of overthinking things they way we do. pfft, no more overthinking for me. from now on, i'm gonna under-think. not really sure how to do that, but i'm not gonna think about it. austst, i think my momom point is to not let overthking stop you from doing what you really wanna do. yeah! like me. i was gonna get fired from my job tomorrow, but your book inspired me so much, i'm gonna get fired today! that's the spirit! sort of. you know what i've always wanted to do? run a marathon. and i'm gonna do it. righghnow! you go, dez!z! don't think, just do! maybe that's why i have stage fright. because i think too much. you gotta get outta your head, honey. you're right, mom. it's time for me to face my biggest fear.
1:58 am
ally! we can perform a duet together ay your mom's book release party. ally, that would be amazing! i'm gonna do it! yeah! i thought you were running a marathon. i made it to the food court, and then i got inspired to eat this parfait instead. couldn't have done it without you, ms. dawson. dez, i made my decision on who i wanna be with. really? yeah. ally's mom inspired me. animals don't think, they just do. so i made my decision. it's kira. really? i had to stop overthinking about me and ally. like, what if it doesn't work out? it could r rn our friendship.. whatatf i just overcompmpcate things?
1:59 am
what if i go on tour?@ would she come with me? would she stay and work at the store? what if... the real ally was replaced by her evil twin from another dimension? i'd be writing songs with an alien. anyway, that's why ally and i shouldn't be together.r. well, i'm just glad you didn't overthink it. besides, kira's great. ( sighs ) i made up my mind. i'm gonna ask kira to be my girlfriend. i was really hoping you'd pick ally. i think you're right for each other. and i made 500 of these. ooh, ooh, ooh mirror, mirror, what does our future hold?
2:00 am
show me what happens when our stories unfold. welcome to my wicked wowod wicked world (shrieks) what is this hideous place? -(sighing) my home. -we're in the isle of the lost? ew! ben, save me! now i know why they say be careful what you wish for. i had forgotten how bad this city's drainage system is. they seriously n nd better catch basins. -reallll -i'm taking sustainable urban planning this semester. does it say where we are? thanks to my dad, there is no service in the isle of the lost. so we can't even find a way out of here? -can we even selfie? -(shutter clicks) okay, this place needs so many filters. uh, excuse me, ma'am? you dropped... my wallet. -we should find a place to hide. -uh, yeah. bebere anybody sees we're here. there.
2:01 am
how are we supposed to get there? there's mud everywhere. i'll just throw my jacket over the-- why would you cover up such a perfect puddle of mud? whoo! (laughs) liking mud is not a vk thing. it's a mal thing. wait. is this place even open? (laughs) "store hours: whenever we feel like it!!!" look at all of this junk. oh! "dictatorship for beginners." it's so beautiful. oh. don't get jelly. it figures the only remotely interesting item here would be on the must-go rack. what's this? it's beautiful! are you stealing that? it was hanging with the dress. i would never steal. i meant, why are you stealing that when you could be stealing this? 's way cuter. go ahead, take it. no, i can't. that's wrong. that's the whole point. it's what we do here. go on, take it.
2:02 am
it's... (sighs) freddy. freddy? short for frederique? short for "let's blow this voodoo stand."
2:03 am
ally? i got your message about austin and kira. i'm not sure how you're feeling. so if you're sad, i got frozen yogurt and tissues. and if you're mad, i got a dartboard with austin's face on it. i'm not sad or mad. but i am hungry. i'm keeping the frozen yogurt. wow, you're handling this better than i thought. well, i was upset at first. but austin's still my friend. that hasn't changed. well, at least now you don't have to worry
2:04 am
about dating him while you work together. now there's only one thing i have to worry about. singing on stage. why did i say i'd do that? ally, you're ready. and i'll be there cheeriri for you. louder than anyo who might be booing. thanks, trish. be your girlfriend? i don't know, austin. i'm sorry it took me so long to figure it out. but now i know how i feel. yeah, tomorrow you could decide you wanna be with ally. u change your mind d lot. no, i don't. can i get the turkey burger instead? you know what? this'll be fine. can you blamme for having doubts? so you're saying no? i didn't say that. so it's a yes?! i didn't say that either. look, kira. i wanna be with you. if you don't wanna be with me, i get it.
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you me right now? i need time to think about it. right. ( chuckles ) got it. how 'bout now? ( piano music playing ) i'll be your shoulder if you wanna laugh i'll be your smile if you wannfly i'll be your sky anything you need that's what i'll be... both: boo! - you stink! - get off the stage! both: boo! - okay, wait wait wait! - boo! okay. how is this supposed to help? we're getting you used to performing under ththworst possible c cditions. if you can sing through this, you can get through singing at the jungle cafe tomorrow night. think i'm ready. i don'l need to get hit with any more trash. honestly-- dez! what?! you said no more trash.
2:06 am
that was a beach ball. honey, i just wanna tell you how proud i am you're finally conquering your fear. i got you a little present. aw! oh, a charm braceletwith a golden microphone. thanks, dad. would a cheap gorilla buy you that? i just wanna ththk you all so much for coming to my book release party. enjoy the hors d'oeuvres. they're free. i'm sure chester the cheap gorilla would appreciate that. hilarious! i wrote this book to inspire people... hey, ally. you ready for this? i think so. i'm proud of you.
2:07 am
let's go set up. we've got a very special treat for you tonight. singing with austin moon is my daughter ally. her father and i couldn't be more proud. friends, austin and ally! where's ally? i don't know. she just took off. why would ally te off? doesn't she know she's supposed to perform?
2:08 am
um, there's gonnnnbe a slight delay in the entertainment. soeep enjoying your hors d'oeuvres and i'll be right back. i'll go with you to talk to ally. you're always there for her. let me handle this one. austin, maybe you should sing something. not without ally. well-- don't worry, mr. dawson. we'll handle this. we will now read a chapter from dr. penny dawson's book. "chester's stinginess was an embarrassment to the other gorillas." aw, come on! i'm sorrrr i let you down, , m. oh, honey. you could never let me down. i really thought i was gonna do it this time.
2:09 am
i just panicked. oh, sweetie. can i tell you a story? is it about a giraffe who's afraid of heights? this one is about a girl who was shy and insecure when her mom left for africa. but when she returned, she found this confident, beautiful young woman who was capable of doing anything she put her mind to. what's your biggest fear? dez is gon marry trish and they're gonna wanna lili with me. i meant about your stage fright. that i'm gonna fail and i'll never be a performer. so you try, and if you fail, you get up and you try again.
2:10 am
you're way too talented. you're r rht. i can't stop trying. i'm gonna give it another shot. thanks, mom. ( sighs ) hey, ally. i'll let you two talk. rememeer when we sat at t ts piano and wrote our first song together? yeah. we've come a long way. you've come a long way. you were a different person back then. that ally couldn't have even gotten on stage, but this ally can. ( sighs ) please don't pet me. thanks for coming over. you really didn't have to do this. hey, you're always there for me.
2:11 am
i talked to my mom and i'm ready to perform. but thanks. ( both laugh ) let's do this. let's go. "and the lion roared." ( roars ) "from the safety of the nearby rock ledge, the baby meerkat watched." ( high-pitched ) meer... kat. meer... kat. sorry, i donon know what a meeeeat is. thank you, dez and trish. thank you for bringing my book to life. i'm sorry for the delay, friends. now for a very special duet, please help me welcome
2:12 am
( guitar strumming ) when you're oyour own drowning alone and you need a rope that can pull you in someone will throw it and when you're afraid that you're gonna break and y y need a way to feel strong again someone will know it and even when it hurts the most try to have a little hope that someone's gonna be there when you don't when you don't if you wanna cry i'll be your shoulder if f u wanna laugh i'll be your smile
2:13 am
i will be your sky anything you need that's what i'll be if you wanna climb i'll be your ladder if you wanna run i'l'lbe your road if you want a friend doesn't matter when anything you need that's what i'll be you can come to me you can come to me yeah. ( applause and cheers ) i did it! i conquered my stage fright.
2:14 am
i'm glad you were up there with me. that was incredible! i feel like i can do anything. i know i can do anything... so long as i'm with you. austin... i thought about it. yes, i'll bebeyour girlfriend. i'm so proud of our little girl. she was amazing tonight. she always been so talented. both: she gets that from me. ( ( th chuckling ) hey. thanks for naming the gorilla after me. you're not mad anymore?
2:15 am
not at all. oh, would you like me to sign it chester or lester? you know what? never mind, i'll do both. (yells) hole-in-one! yeah! (burps) oh, i see you and mrs. kipling are playing putt-putt golf. yup. it's totes great, except the ball return is a little slow. yes, i would estimate one to two days, depending on how much bran she consumes. ravi, you got a package from india. ooh! it is from the monks at my old school. look, mrs. kipling, what do you think it is? why ask her? yeah, she's just an oversized gecko.
2:16 am
and you will be coming out of her ball return. guys, guys, remember that part i auditioned for but didn't get? you mean all of them? yes. but i'm talking about the role in maeth. well, i kept hoping and wishing, and it finally happened! the girl who had the role got a broken kneecap. you took tony's uncle up on his offer? no, it was an accident. and i saved myself 500 bucks. (chuckles) wow, shakespeare in the park, i'm m pressed. so, which juicy role are you playing? lady macbeth, lady macduff? no, i'm first apparition! and i have two whole lines! (scoffs) just two? i mean, two? hey! (giggles) congratulalaons, jessie. we are so proud of you. thank you, ravi. you ow, this is my first real acting job in new york. other than looking happy every time i open my paycheck.
2:17 am
oh, oh, oh, oh oh, oh, oh, oh hey jessie, hey jessie it feels like a party every day hey jessie, hey jessie but they keep on pulling me every which way hey jessie, hey jessie my whole world is changing turning around they got me going crazy the ground're shaking but they took a chance on the new girl in town and i don't want to let them down, down, down hey jessie hey jessie it feels like a party every day hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, jessie macbeth! macbeth!
2:18 am
cease! uh, am i doing mr. lipton?rong, mmm-hmm. everything! oh. your posture, your enunciation. and that lipstick is hideous! you're an apparition, not a clown. sorry, sir. it was on sale, my bad. again! and this time, for the acting profession! right, good note. (exhales) macbeth! macb... cease! halt! wherefore art thou talent? i don't know what makes me cringe more, your acting, or the deviled eggs at kraft service. too much paprika, tina! now, jessie, watch and learn. oh, i already know how to make deviled eggs. no! i meant watch me! (whimpers)
2:19 am
(winces) uh, cyril, you okay there? who's his emergency contact? (gasps) macbeth! macbeth! macbetet beware macduff! beware the thane of fife! uh... jessie? mmm. did you feel that? sure did. i was right in the splash zone. ravi, are you sure it's a good idea to open up a strange box from a foreign country? that's how i ended up with my first wife. long story. ooh, it is an ancient ceremonial bell. oh, great. one more thing for me to dust. (gasps) and this is a gaja mukta. an elephant pearl.
2:20 am
rumomod to have magicacapowers. like what? the possibilities are limitless. maybe it can even make your hair grow back. that's ridiculous. more ridiculous than joining the hair club for butlers? it's a professional networking organization! whatever you do, do not touch this. i am going to walk mrs. kipling, to h hp her pass those golf balls. come on, mrs. kipling. (mrs. kipling clicking) i finally got zuri tucked into bed. after prying her nails out of my neck. have you ever tried to tuck in a wolverine? what are you doing? rubbing a magic bell on my head to grow hair. duh! did you rub it on your back? 'cause i can see a small forest creeping up your neck. i'm m ying to grow it out, so i can do a mb-up-and-over. 'sup, grown-up?
2:21 am
i can't believe you thought that tuck would hold me. let's watch tv. i've got reba fevah, and country countdown's the cure. uh-uh-uh. no. i have to practice my lines for the playayomorrow night. you're playing a ghost. how hard is it to walk on stage and yell, "boo"? zuri, bed. now. jessie, no. catch me. oh, wait a minute! (laughs) zuri, get back here. come here! come here, come here, come here. (screams) gotcha! now, give me the bell and go to bed, young lady! no! you're mean! you don't remember what it's like e be a kid. (bell rings) what just happened? why am i so short? and why do i feel like i'm falling forward? (both gasp) did we just switch bodies? mmm-hmm. zuri, what are we gonna do?
2:22 am
and watching tv till our eyes bleed. oh, no, yoy're not! (shrieks) well, that didn't work.
2:23 am
who took all my scarves?
2:24 am
i need them for tomorrow night's live, kitty couture scarf-tacular. (yelling) (loud crash) (sputters) now that was scarf-tacular! thanks a lot, jerkrkf the jungle! luke! emma! zuri and i were touching a magic bell and then we switched bodies! not now, zuri, i've got big people problems. me, too! i used to be big people! zuri, tell them you're me. am not. ar, liar, pants on fire. (gasps) now, go to bed. what? you can't make me go to bed! okay, m going to count to 10. zuri zenobia ross, you can't count to 10 on me! i count to 10 on you! one, two, three... one, two, three... where is this going to end? i'm guessing 10.
2:25 am
before my big acting debut tomorrow nigig. if you go onontage, it will bebe bigger disaster than my prom night. you should go to bed, too, yobig boogers. but our bedtime isn't for an hour. and zuri didn't have to go. well, she's a lot cuter than you. a lot. now, move, you big poopy butts. jessie, did you just call us "boogers" and "poopy b bts"? i have never been so attracted to you. you're nasty. isn't he nasty? (mock retching) ravi, zuri and i switched bodies! i'm jessie. oh, zuri, your childldike flights of fancy are always a aelight. never change. but i am not making this up! i am jessie!
2:26 am
i had to go bra shopping with my dad! okay, i will play along. let us see... if you are really jessss, then tell me something only she and i would know. you still like to wear choo choo underwear. (gasps) jessie, it is you! how did this happen? i don't know. it's your dang bell. so the power is real. ravi, you need to fix this, or i'm sending you to sports camp. (gasps) very well. i'm sure if we comb the ancient scrolls and the internet, we will find an answer within a week or two. what? but my play is tomorrow night! in that case, we are up the ganges without a pool noodle. (humming) zuri, what a a you doing? making breakfast.
2:27 am
you are not putting that in my body! good thinking. if i'm gonna ride all those roller coasters at coney island, i want to keep my arms up and my breakfast down. you can't go riding roller coasters! yeah, i can. 'cause now i'm tall enough to ride every ride. and drive! whwhe are the keys to t t helicopter? oh, not gonna happen! if ravi can't change us back in time, you need to learn my lines, so you don't mess up my career. what career? you know you're not too big to spank! well, actually, you are. just come on! (whines) but i don't wanna be a struggling actor. i cacat believe they'r'rstill pretending thisistupid bell made t tm switch bodies. (gasps) luke, do not touch that. it is dangerous to touch the gaja mukta! ooh, i'm so scared. ah! luke, give him back his sanjay gupta! you are so immature! you're immature-er.
2:28 am
(bell rings) dude, why are you wearing my face? what is that terrible smell? (sniffs) ew, gross, it's me! uh-oh. did you two just switch bodies? (both screaming)g) i will te that as a yes. zuri, get down here before you crack my skull open. can't make me. (laughs) then you can forget about that carrie underwood concert. fine. if i fell, i'd probably only break one of your old, brittle hips, anyhow.w. now, please focus! we're up to the line about the thane of fife. what the heck is a thane?
2:29 am
it's shakespeare. no one knows what it means. you. me? me? oh, no. not the little one. the ononwith the ridiculous pom poms. ridiculous? you're gonna look ridiculous with my foot in your... (muffled) how would you like to be bumped up to first witch? (gasps) i'd love to! thank you! again, not you! so, what say you, fellow thespian?
2:30 am
( tsums chanting ) ( distant chanting ) ( chattering ) ( chattering echoes ) ( tire-screeching sound ) ( distant chattering ) ( chattering continues )
2:31 am
( tsums squealing in distance ) ( chattering ) ( tuba plays low note ) ( tuba plays series of notes ) ( long tuba note ) ( piano notes play ) ( bass violin strings squeak ) ( tympani notes plpl ) harp notes play ) ( soft tympani notes play ) ( loud tympani notes ) ( piano notes play ) ( tapping ) ( applause ) ( orchestral music plays ) ( orchestra plays sing melody )
2:32 am
( orchestral music ends ) ah! (video game beeping)
2:33 am
kitty couture goes live in one hour! it's supes important, and i need your help! sorry, i've got an appointment to cut my, i mean, your hair. (gasps) how do you feel about a mullet? (gasps) you wouldn't dare! now, put on that disguise and those kitty claw gloves, and get fierce! (chuckcks) no way! really? because i have four slumber party invitations for next weekend. if you help , you can take your pick. ooh, deal! this is gonna be the greatest pillow fight of my life! ravi, why are you just sitting around? you should be figugung out this stupipibell! (without accent) but it's s sfar. no, no, no, no, no, no, no! (in indian accent) i fear i have some demoralizing news.
2:34 am
you can wear 'em, blow snot into 'em, and dry those hard-to-reach places. and that's all thereris to say about t arves. idiot. and fyi, guys don't really care about what you wear. they just like it when you talk about sports. or play video games. (gasps) or laugh when they burp the alphabet... (laughing) time to wrap this up, "kitty". fine. here's a very special sign-off. see you next time in the glitter box! (burping) (screaming) phew! oh, i love my new hair. and i'm so light on my feet. this is what it must be like to walk on the moon! focus! ah.
2:35 am
then let ubring the bell to the park, and figure this out before the curtain rises. hey, how's my stage makeup look? like a box of crayons threw up o oyou! ah! bertrau, please quit caressing my hair. it is getting weird. (making farting sounds) (laughs) stop playing my armpit! it's totes gro! isn't it badadnough that you dederoyed kitty couture? dude, calm down. it's just a dumb little internet show. with three million followers! whoa! you're more popular that that monkey who sniffed his own butt. i can't even imagine what horrible things people are saying about kitty couture.
2:36 am
(groros) hey, i'm sorry, emma. i didn't mean to ruin your vlog. i know how important clothes are to you and your people. (tablet chimes) omg! this is fantabulous! please don't use my mouth to say that! my viewers actually liked you! look. "kitty gives us an insightful glimime into the secret mind of boys!" my page views are going through the roof! (scoffs) guess it doesn't matter whose body i'in. people can't get enough of the luke-ster. (smacks lips) whoa. there's a lot of people out there. you really should have made me practice more. i'd strangle you, if i could reach your throat. okayayso the first stanza is on your right arar and the second s snza is on your left.t. got it. what's a stanza? oy. why couldn't we just switch bodies on the day i had to get a root canal?
2:37 am
that's cold. i'm sorry, zuri. this just means so much to me. i know. i promise i'll try and do my very best. even though i can't remember my lines, and i really have to go potty. but i promise i'll try and hold it. thanks, zuri. now, go break a leg. that's mean! double, double toil and trouble, fire burn, and cauldron bubble. (all cackling) aughs) fill of a fenny snake, in the cauldron boil and bake. ugh, sounds like bertram's cooking. zuri, if it's not on your arm, don't say it! how now, you secret, black and midnight hags! what... who you cacaing a hag? he's calling us hags! what is it you do?
2:38 am
well, right now i'm wiping your tuna salad off my forehead! um... uh, eyenewl toewool batand... ha! each time the switch occurred, those who touched the bell were arguing. so, if i am correct, these negative elements, en bombarded by positive energies, might switch us back. my hair has body and shine! bertram, just hold this and say nice things! no! keep that bellllaway from me. i'm not losing this hair! you're gonna lose more than that hair if you don't do what i say! let me begin. you are a superlative napper and very knowledgeable about cheese.
2:39 am
your turn. (reluctantly) okay... yoyore slightly less annoying than luke. and you have fantastic hair. (sobbing dramatically) (bell ringing) (sobbing) it worked! i am me and you are you again. huzzah! and i just bought a gallon of hair gel, and a three-speed blow dryer! (sobbing) with a aiffuser! (sobbing) i conjure you, by that which you do profess. howe'er you come to know it, answer me. answer me! i'm looking, i'm looking. i better get a new doll for this. jessie. who be this? forsooth, macbcbh. tis i, zurinda. the, uh... witch intern.
2:40 am
ooh! ooh! i know how to switch us back. we just hold the bell and say nice things about each other. how now, weirirwitches? what play art t ou in? thank you for trying to help me. you're the best little girl in the world. i would do anything for you. you're the best nanny in the world. (bell ringing) (both gasp) hey, i'm me again! welclce back. now get off my stage. yes, be gonenewitch intern! get thee to a nunnery! that's from hamlet. i know that! (exhales) eye of newt and toe of frog, wool of bat and tongue of dog, adder's fork and blind-worm's sting, lizard's leg and owlet's wing! (cauldron bubbling) that's your cue, mac!
2:41 am
line? yes! my head is cold. (sobbing) oh, thank you. how do i look? i would not play hard to get. glad to be back in my own body. and i'm glad to be rid of your armpit smell. hey, why do my eyebrows hurt? because i plucked them. you're welcome. oh, man! hey, just be glad we both switched back before one of us had to use the bathroom. (both imitating vomiting) good news! i have destroyed the bell. absolutely nothingngemains of that teteible talisman. so, no one will ever be able to switch bodies again? that is correct!
2:42 am
what are you guys staring at?(screaming) (growling) ooh! look, mrs. kipling, what do you think it is? why ask her? yeah, she's just an oversized gecko. call her an oversized gecko again, and you will be coming out of her ball return. i bet all mrs. kipling thinks about is godzilla movies, eatingngockroaches, imagining what would happen if we all switched bodies... luke, do not be ridiculous. mrs. kipling hates cockroaches. (beeping) good news! with an accent. (laughing) (bell ringing) (laughing) (bell ringing) i wanna keep my breakfast... yep. nope.
2:43 am
up! (bell ringing) (grunts) well, i can't get up. so, my dad cleaned out our bomb shelter, and he sent me my favorite doll. "military mary: super soldier by day... (gasps) "...fairy princess by night!" (hums excitedly) how'd shshget that scar? fromom bayonet, or a unicoco? i don't know. she came with the scar, and her background is classified. you know, zuri, i was just about your age when my dad gave me mary. this doll helped get me through some pretty tough times. you mean like back in india, when i was bitten by that cobra and had to walk five miles to obtain some used anti-venom?
2:44 am
uphill? no, but one time i had to walk home from the mall 'cause my dad forgot pick me up. you win. my point is, military mary is very special to me, and she deservesa very special little girl to play with. so zuri, her new orders are to bunk with you. thank you. but are you sure she wouldn't be happier back in the bomb shelter? (scoffs)s)his is a 20 million dollar penthouse. i think she'll adjust. (chuckles) oh, oh, oh, oh oh, oh, oh, oh hey jese, hey jessie it feels like a party every day hey jessie, hey jessie but they keep on pulling me every which way h h jessie, hey jessiee my whole world is changing turning around
2:45 am
but they took a chance on the new girl in town and i don't want to let them down, down, down hey jessie hey jessie it feels ke a party every day hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, jessie has anyone seen my keys? (retches) found them. oh, thanks. by any chance, has anyone seen my nose-hair trimmers? feel free to take a look. sorry, guys, i just can't seem to focus these days, and i feel all woozy inside. maybe you're sick. it's salma espinosa. is that contagious? it's not a disease! it's the name of the most beautiful woman on earth! she's the neighbor's personalalhef,
2:46 am
and let's just say e is one hot tamale.e. bertram, we're going to help you get salma. oh. absolutely not. but aren't you tired of spending your nights polishing your nesting dolls with your tears? yes. but there's no way i'm letting you two meddle in my personal life. okay. just so we're e ear, we are going t t meddle, right? ke michael phelps at the olympics. okay, mary. your mission is to scratch my back. ah, mission accomplished. (cell phone ringing) uh, it's darla. this could take a while. she has unlimited bragging minutes. rla, hi! oh! oh, you're calling from your boyfriend's private submarine? lucky you.
2:47 am
ooh, a bunny-bot 3000! hey, is that an original military mary doll? (chuckles) simon sneed is the name, toy collecting is my game. as is making r rher obvious rhymes, apparently. watch this. (electronic whirring) you're the best boy or girl ever! tell your mommy to buy my dvds, backpacks, and lunch boxes. and best of all. hold out your hands. (whirring) (gasps) chcholate poop? delicious! i'll tell you what. i'll take that old, scar-faced doll off your hands in exchange for the brand new bunny-bot. deal! both: sucker! (cell phone ringing) luke, are you almost here?
2:48 am
great. initiating operation beauty and t t butler. i'm calling her right now. salma espinosa? (in deep voice) yo, this is tony from the lobby. i need to see youse down here real quick. go jets! (elevator bell dings) hola, bertram. (stammers) you know, you two have a lot in common. like cooking, and... ...breathing. so, have fun with that. bye! (chuckles nervously) (hiccups) oh. i'm sorry, i always get hiccups when i'm nervous. especially when i'm around beautiful women. oh, you think i'm beautiful?
2:49 am
you make me turn as red as the tomatoes in my paella. i love paella. oh, well... perhaps we could cook for each other sometime. like this satutuay? (hiccupping cocoinues) i i ould be over these hiccups by then. well, this saturday there is a salsa contest in the park. (gasps) we could enter together... i love salsa! i'm the salsa king! bueno. oh, i cannot wait to salsa the night away. (h(hcups) she meant the salsa dancing contest! what did you think she meant? a salsa making contest! you know, diced tomatoes, onions, cilantro! who dances in the park? that's crazy! and making salsa in the park is sane? you two got me into this, you're gonna get me out. you've got three days to teach me how to salsa dance. is three days going to be enough?
2:50 am
only if we can cut down his nap time to less than six hours a day. i cannot believe you gave jessie's doll away. she will be very upset. okay, done with darla. the sub went under a whale so she lost reception. then i guess we're done here. better go home. wait, wait, wait! where's military mary? she shipped out. she promised to write. what do you mean, "shipped out"? okay, okay. fine. i cannot tell a lie. ravi traded her to a toy dealer. she can tell a lie! zuri traded your precious memories for an incontinent varmint! on the bright side, i made out like a bandit. meet bunny-bot. (electronic whirring)
2:51 am
so you traded military mary for a bunny that poops chocolate?
2:52 am
one, two, three. five, six, seven. (salsa music playing) i've seen better rotation from the washing machine.
2:53 am
like you've ever seen a washing machine. (gasps) okay, okay, let's just try some basic steps. ready? (exclaims in spanish) now you. have you met me? stupid poopy-bot. jessie. i made my bed, did my homework, and cleaned my closet. is there anything else you want me to do? oh, oh, the silent treatment. well, two can play at that game. i don't want to play that game! just be mad! yell at me. i'm not mad at you, okay, zuri.
2:54 am
military mary meant a lot to me, and what you did really hurt my feelings. i didn't mean to hurt her. i hate to say i told you so, but... oh, who am i kidding? actually, i quite enjoy it. this is terrible. and no amount of chocolate poop can make it better. doesn't hurt, though. (salsa music playing) bertram, clean up that footwork, straighten your frame, and tuck in your butt! if i could, i would! (music stops) i keep hearing this voice in my head saying i can't do this. oh, just ignore it. that's what we do when we hear your voice, right? (grunts) i give up! bertram, do you ever want to get a girlfriend?
2:55 am
all right. i'll do it for salma. the only thing missing is the perfect outfit. and while i'm at it, i'll try to find something for you, too, bertram! (music starts) keep dancing. (sighs) i hate this more than you do. i find that hard to believe. believe it. hey, sneed. i want military mary back, so i'll make you an offer you can't refuse, see? play your cards right and we both walk away from this, see? she loves gangster movies. i'll give you the same answer i gave my mother when she asked me to move out... no! there you guys are!
2:56 am
i came to trade my best toys to get military mary back for you. oh, that's so sweet, zuri. what's your excuse? i was her hostage! hi, sir. my name is jessie. clearly there's been a little mistake here, so zuri will just give you back your bunny-poopy-bot, and you give us military mary. no way! only seven of these dolls with scars were ever made. which means i'm gonna make some money. have you no heart? jessie's father gave her that toy! so what? my mother gave me an ulcer. boo-hoo! look, missy, if you want your precious doll back, you can bid on it at the toy-tacular, like the rest of the pathetic geeks. valued customers, i mean. wait... don't worry, mary! we will find you! only tell him your name, rank, and serial number! she'll be okay.
2:57 am
(salsa music playing) ooh mirror, mirror, what does our future hold? -show me what happens when our stories unfold. - ooh welcome to my wicked world wicked world (spraying noise) hey, mal. you busy? yeah. i'm in the zone. -can you de-zone? -not a word, but i will forgive you 'cause you're cute.
2:58 am
there's been a bit of an "incident." oh, yeah. your digimage. that's definitely not a word. your digital image? "digimage." still not a word. this. mal: "mal's a princess in waiting, alright... a princess in waiting to mess up! hashtag princess-aster"? that's trending by the way. okay, my people may be evil, but what you auradon kids are doing to the english language is cruel. not to worry. i will make it up to audrey by posting this wicked portrait of her as her favorite heroine. her mom. maleficent's daughter painting sleeping beauty's daughter as sleeping beauty is supposed to help your digimage? do you remember family day? ugh, family day. okay, so what? i should do some unsleeping beautying? -that's not a word. -i'm learning how to be auradonian. come on, it's not like i gave her captain hook's coat. beware, forswear, caption hook's coat she will wear. -okay, funny, but stop. -(laughs) beware, forswear, cruella's stole might give a scare!
2:59 am
beware, forswear, sprout my mother's horns from audrey's hair. -okay, but change it back before someone... -(camera clicking) (phone chimes) ben: ...sees it. i... have a digimage problem. i'm so proud of bertram. i can't believe he's actually doing it. the way you dressed him, i can't believe he actually left the house. you are doing wonderfully, guapo, but you seem a little nervous. nervous? i'm not nervous. i'm barely aware that there are three incredibly stern judges watching my every move. (hiccups) do not worry. now that they are watching... twirl me!
3:00 am
we're doing so well with this "one, two, three" thing. (hoots excitedly) ooh, here comes the twirl! twirl her like spaghetti, bertram! (exclaims joyfully) you have no business being out on that dance floor with her! you stink! you should've stuck to making salsa! totalmente horrible! que lastima. quiet, bertrams! bertram, where are you going? we are doing the salsa, not the running man! what happened? he was doing so great. oh, i knew i shouldn't have mentioned spaghetti. he's probably hip deep in meatballs by now. we can fix this. one of ushould go wrangle bertram
3:01 am
while the other dances with his beautiful partner. luke? hi. i'm bertram 2.0. congratulations on your free upgrade. bam! (pants) sold out? it's just a bunch of old toys, not a blake shelton concert! i think i found our way in. (gasps) we fake a neck injury? no. no, we conk those snuggle bugs on the head, take their costumes, put them in the back of the snug-mobile, lock the doors, hide the keys in a dumpster... or we could just take three costumes off of this unattended rack. you're no fun. bertram, what's going on? i can't believe i thought this would work. well, you usually need someone to push you.
3:02 am
i'm not talking about the swing, i'm talking about the dance contest. i really thought i could pull this off. but all those people were staring, and the judges were so judge-y. but you were doing great out there. really? was i? yes! you should've seen how excited salma was dancing with you. she looked like you the day you got your new pressure cooker. that excited? yes, that excited. bertram, you've worked so hard. you're a great dancer now. salma thinks you can do it, luke and i think you can do it. the only person saying you can't do it is you. well, there were actually four of me saying it. huh? long story. which there is no time for, because the girl of your dreams is waiting for you on that dance floor, and she needs you to win this contest! you really think i can do this? yes! now, why aren't you moving? because i'm stuck in this swing!
3:03 am
(grunts) (exhales deeply) let's go. there's sneed! (static) attention, ladies and gentlemen. remember to stick around for the big toy auction after the show. the first item up for bid is a rare military mary doll. (all gasp) the bidding will start at $1,000. (all gasp) all: $1,000. that makes it the most expensive thing i own! i don't want to split hairs here, but you did give the doll to me. do you really want to bring that up right now? jessie, where are you going to get a $1,000? they cut up your credit card at a frozen yogurt stand. i never should've splurged on sprinkles. okay, you guys go buzz around sneed, and i'll grab mary with whichever one of these is my real arm. before the bidding begins, the snuggle bugs will be performing their hit single, as long as you bug me.
3:04 am
hey, watch it, bro, keep your feelers to yourself. (salsa music playing) oh, god. sorry i cut out. can i cut back in? re, we have to make it look smooth. let's do the reverse copa. five, six, seven, eight... maybe we should try that again. you think? five, six, seven, eight. i'm sorry, salma. if you knew me better, you'd know i typically don't run away like that. or run, period. i'm just glad you are back. your little friend was a bit of a showboat. (crowd cheering)
3:05 am
that all that's left is us and bertram. we have to stop being so awesome. (scoffs) that's like asking me to stop breathing. is that an option? salma, it's time to win that trophy. maybe we should let them win. they are only children. they both have giant trust funds, and they'll never have to work a day in their lives. let us do this! (all cheering) bertram, you were wonderful. you think that was good, you should see me make salsa. (gasps)
3:06 am
we did it! (chuckles) they did it? what? (bertram sighs) i'm really sorry, salma. i know you wanted to win that trophy. do not be silly, bertram. i got something much better. a cute new novio. you won a car? no, silly. novio means boyfriend. oh. (chuckles) oh. (chuckles) wow. sorry, bertram. we weren't trying to win, but when you combine me with a dance floor and a crowd, there's only so many ways it can end. but we're totes proud of you, and we really want you to have this. thanks, but salma and i already have everything we need. si, guapo. (chuckles) ugh! let's get out of here before she starts running her fingers
3:07 am
jessie: okay, looks like we're gonna have to perform. just follow my lead and try to fake your way through this. ravi: are you kidding? we have seen every snuggle bugs episode a zillion times. zuri: it's the reason i have no attention span! (funky music playing) jessie: whoa, whoa. watch out, watch out. hey! hey! hey! whoa, okay! that's... that's not right. uh... kids actually watch this stuff? whoa. hey, hey! whoa! (pants) whoa. wait. huh? (grunts) stuck... whoa! (all gasp) (crowd cheer) (all booing) get me down. on it! whoa! (thud) thanks a lot. my bad. stop them! they're after my doll.
3:08 am
she traded it fair and square! what is fair about taking advantage of a gullible, thoughtless little girl? no offense. wait! stop! friends, parents, snuggle bug enthusiasts. toys are special. they're not just things to buy and sell, they're part of our happiest childhood moments, our most precious memories. preach! so, we should take really good care of our toys, because at one time or another, they took pretty good care of us. and this man tricked my little zuri into trading away my military mary for some cheap poopy-bot, which is already out of poop! (all gasp) and he lied about mary's real value. (all gasp) and he did not provide a receipt!
3:09 am
come on! my profit margins are razor thin. if i don't cheat your spoiled brats, how am i supposed to pay for my sports car? get him! (kids yelling) sneed: ow! mom? quit it! we should get out of here. looks like sneed's about to get the chocolate beat out of him. aw, zuri, you're playing with mary. you know you don't have to. are you kidding me? i'm not taking my eyes off of her. she's valuable. yeah, $1,000 is a lot of cash. i don't mean the money. she's valuable because you gave her to me. aw. plus, military mary is really fun. oh, i know, right? one time i had her rescue the president from evil aliens. well, today mary is on a secret mission.
3:10 am
all right, chubbs. tell us where you hid the honey! or fuzzy-wuzzy won't be so fuzzy. this brings back so many happy, childhood interrogation memories. presenting my special caviar omelet with gruyere cheese a la bertram. voila! (phones beeping) tomorrow i'm just heating up frozen waffles. kids: yay! ravi, are you ever going to take your turn? what's the point of playing zombie slaughter with buddies if your buddy never slaughters zombies?
3:11 am
do you know there has been a rash of burglaries in the building? uh-oh. i'd better go lock my dollhouse! what? i got fine mini-china in there. guys, relax. we have top-notch security downstairs. we have tony downstairs. we are doomed! hey, guys, i have to run to the post office this afternoon to overnight these fish to france for your mom's emergency pedicure. ooh, i want a fishy! they eat the dead flesh off your feet. i'm good. emma, i need you to walk zuri home from school today. okay. (gasps) (phone beeps) o-m-g! kelly is wearing a chiffon dress to the dance tomorrow! now, i can't wear my chiffon dress! i miss having 14-year-old girl problems. now that rachel kapowski's single, i'm gonna ask her to the dance. she's my dream girl. i thought i was your dream girl.
3:12 am
ugh... men. oh, oh, oh, oh oh, oh, oh, oh hey jessie, hey jessie it feels like a party every day hey jessie, hey jessie but they keep on pulling me every which way hey jessie, hey jessie my whole world is changing turning around they got me going crazy the ground're shaking but they took a chance on the new girl in town and i don't want to let them down, down, down hey jessie hey jessie it feels like a party every day hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, jessie
3:13 am
i am ready. ravi, we're not we're playing dodgeball. yes, against gale "the gorilla" gustavo. he's not that tough. (grunts) look, there's rachel. her break up with the walden website. over it would have been the top story, but the third graders' guinea pig had babies. mazel tov, fluffy! you read the school's website, too? you make reading lamer than it already is! (whistles) (groans) (chuckles) nice shot, rachel! i think you just turned his outie into an innie. ravi: oh! (grunting) i am already out, people! what are you going for, extra credit?
3:14 am
ow! whoa! awesome duck and roll, luke! you've got some good moves. if you like that, you should see me move on the dance floor. well, technically, this is gonna be the dance floor. yeah, different decorations, same sweat sock smell. (chuckles) so, i see you like stink based humor. well, you'll get a lot more of that if you come to the dance with me. sure. (roars) (nervous grunt) i would hate to be one of your pimples. hey! thanks for taking the umbrella, and then not picking me up! i got a call from the '70s and they want their hair back! (sighs) zuri, i'm so sorry! i forgot because i was practicing my smoky eye.
3:15 am
please don't tell jessie. fine. it's going to cost you a week's allowance. $2,000 for one little favor? i'll give you 50 bucks. deal! i would've kept quiet for a chuckles bar, sucker! whoa! zuri, you're gonna need a bigger bike helmet. uh, good idea. we'll go buy one! (stammering) (whistling) bertram, why do i feel like the kids don't tell me everything? why do you care? the less they talk, the better. but, i really feel like sometimes... zip! that goes for you, too. there is no way mrs. kipling can catch a burglar. she can't even catch a cricket unless it has a limp. (grumbles softly) just stick to the script. (sighs) oh, what a lovely day in my big penthouse,
3:16 am
surrounded by all my expensive things. oh, no! a burglar! if only a small dinosaur would stop him! (grumbles softly) hey, guys, i put a snack out for you on the... whoa! (crashing) (groaning) bertram! bertram! speak to me! what's the snack? sushi. ugh! oh! oh, emma, are you making a salad? on your face? i'm giving myself a pre-dance facial. uh-uh. and what else did you do today? oh, you know, the ushe. i went to school and got my hair and nails done. so, you got them done after school? yep! was that before or after you forgot to pick up zuri? before. a-ha!
3:17 am
how did you find out? you just told me. why would i do that? because i tricked you. well, that wasn't very nice! i cannot believe you didn't pick zuri up from school! sorry, i forgot. like you've never forgotten anything before. um, i never forget things. yeah-huh! remember that time you forgot who you were and had to fight against a secret government agency to protect yourself and the woman you love? that's the plot to the bourne identity. i can't believe you're mad at me for not doing your job! that's it! you are not going to that dance! what? this is totally unfair! you are the worst nanny in the history of nannies! emma, i know you don't mean that. ugh... teenagers. um, you're a teenager, too. the only difference between you and her is that you don't get invited to things.
3:18 am
jessie, i'll make you a deal. i go to the dance, and you ground me from all my math classes. how is that a punishment? because i love math! two plus two equals fabulous!
3:19 am
jessie, does this look okay? i need to look perfect for my date with rachel. meanwhile, i'll be here, growing old and bitter, like somebody i know! i was talking about you, jessie! yeah, i got that! luke, don't worry, you look great. oh, thanks. if a tad nervous. i haven't seen sweat stains like that since you got your last report card. ugh! i need some advice about girls. my freckles can only take me so far. luke, don't worry, all right? just be yourself. ooh, and get her a rose. good idea, but what should i say? what do girls like to hear on a date? well, uh, i can tell you what we don't like to hear. "whoa, you're going to eat that whole thing?" "babe, babe, i, i forgot my wallet, "do you mind paying for dinner?" (farting sound)
3:20 am
oh, that's my new text alert. i recorded it myself. man, i love technology! okay, my advice for tonight. blow-dry your pits and keep your phone on silent but deadly. (beeps) i can't believe everyone is at the dance and i'm stuck here! thanks a lot, balloon jessie! (panting) emma! balloon jessie! horrible news! peasant blouses are back? worse. i just read on the walden website that gale has sworn revenge on luke for stealing his woman! they broke up, he can't blame luke! i do not think a guy nicknamed the gorilla comprehends the subtle nuances of teen dating etiquette! we've got to call luke! i already tried. he is not answering. oh... he could be in mid-swirly right now! then there's only one thing to do! ravi, will you come to the dance with me? emma.
3:21 am
emma. i am very flattered, but you are my sister. pot pies taste so good they're yummy in my tummy yum, yum... (screams) (crashing) we got you, thief! ugh! it's only bertram. (scoffs) i told you, no burglar is going to come get us! besides, marbles aren't going to stop anyone. whoa! they stopped you. twice. emma, can we talk? look, i don't want you to miss out on that dance, but you need to understand that what you did was really wrong. okay, ignoring the problem won't make it go away. kind of like my credit card bill.
3:22 am
(gasps) you're not emma, you're balloon jessie! so emma snuck out! i cannot believe she went to that dance! and gave me a mustache!
3:23 am
zizik's deli makes hoagies like my mommy i love their soups and breads and also their pastrami (machine buzzing) ow! ow! ow! ow! (grunting) a-ha! it worked! ugh! it's just bertram again. what a waste of a good ball beat-down. (grunts) turn it off, or load it with meatballs! (bertram grunting) bertram, we are trying to defend our penthouse! that's it! no more traps! (breathes heavily) bertram... what? are you going to pick that up? (dance music playing) this is for you, rachel. a pretty rose for a pretty girl.
3:24 am
there. (pants) is it hot in here? are you hot? i mean, you are hot... i mean, are you warm-hot? you know what? i'm going to go get us some punch. (grunts) (sighs) wow. rookie mistake. even when you're floundering, never back away from a girl. they can smell fear. even through all that cologne you have on, which stinks right now. adam sandler! what are you doing at our school dance? uh, just trying to pick up some spare change chaperoning. if we have to have grownups, too, i'm glad it's you. (chuckles) ugh! whatever you do, don't drink the punch! i made that punch. i mean, don't just drink it. savor it! yeah! go ahead. wash that foot out of your mouth.
3:25 am
ah, sorry, mr. sandler. don't call me mr. sandler, call me thunder. why? i just think it sounds cooler. okay. so, thunder, do you think i have a chance with this girl? absolutely. when it comes to girls, all you have to be is polite, honest, and a movie star. but i'm not a movie star. well, you should try it sometime, it's excellent. now, go back out there, and take her some of my punch. i made it in kevin james' bathtub. don't worry, he was wearing a wetsuit. (doorbell rings) oh! hoagies are here at last yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum thank you! let me get your tip. here's a tip. you're being robbed.
3:26 am
oh. (sighs) whoa! whoa! emma! luke, you've got to get out of here. gale said he's going to get you for dating rachel! well, bring it on! if he wants to fight, i'll fight him. there won't be a fight. gale will give you a wedgie, and everyone will see your ridiculous superman undies! some people think they're cool. nobody thinks they're cool. not even lois lane! (scoffs) i'm willing to take that chance. i finally got my dream girl. i'm not going to lose her because of some underwear-yanking gorilla. luke, at least tighten your belt! emma! emma! oh, excuse me. sorry, oh... ow, ow, ow, okay, okay... oh, yeah. adam sandler? what are you doing here? waiting for them to play gangnam style.
3:27 am
i'm here looking for one of my charges. i'm the nanny. yeah? yeah. but i'm also a struggling actress. really? what have i seen you in? uh-uh. nothing. that's why i'm struggling. makes sense. yeah... do you have any advice for me? i do. remember this. mmm-hmm. mmm-hmm. show up on time. know all your lines. mmm-hmm. and whenever possible, do this. (mumbles incoherently) (mumbles incoherently) that's it, that's it. oh? yes! this punch is horrible. yeah, that's kevin james' feet you're tasting. good to meet you. good to meet you. a-ha! (screams) got ya! (stuttering) jessie, i can explain. great, can't wait to hear it 16 years from now, when you're ungrounded! you'll be 30! jessie, i didn't sneak out to come to the dance. really? huh! that's weird, because with people dancing, and music playing,
3:28 am
jessie, listen! i snuck out to warn luke! rachel's old boyfriend, the gorilla, is coming after him! please tell me they call him the gorilla because he likes to climb trees. no, it's because he's huge, grunts, and can peel a banana with his feet! and now he's going to give luke the wedgie of his life! oh, no. and luke's probably wearing his superman underwear! we've got to find him. hey, luke, wet ready for some gale-force winds. see what i did there? have you grown since gym class? yep. (roars) ah! (everyone gasps) my punch! i knew i should have made brownies. gale, all you've managed to do is make yourself took foolish, and ruin poor adam sandler's punch. "thunder's"! when is that gonna catch on?
3:29 am
gale, i can't believe you did that! yeah, humiliating me is not going to win rachel back. right, rachel? you still care! or maybe it will. i'm sorry, luke. the rose was sweet, but you should give it to a girl who really deserves it. hey, you want to go get some chinese later? i've been really craving some moo goo gale pan. oh, i've missed your clever wordplay. you should be ashamed of yourself! you think i want to live a life of crime? i can't support myself on deli tips! and the delivery charge is not the tip, people! well, here's a thought. why don't you get a new job? i was a philosophy major! there's no jobs in philosophy! congratulationon dad, you were rigig! okay... oh, no, no, no, no. not gary the gravy boat!
3:30 am
i mean, my best dispenser of gravy. (stamps) ow! (roars) (screams) (grunting) (sobbing) zuri: bertram, what's wrong? did you taste your cooking again? oh, bertram, who is your friend? (muffled yelling) and why are you tied up? (sighs) because that's what burglars do! (gasps) so you're the burglar? what evil sickness drives a man to steaea what else am i supposed to do? my only skills are peddling a bike and discussing kierkegaard! now, please, call off your velociraptor. i told you mrs. kipling could be a fierce guard lizard! sorry, mrs. k. who knew you can go all jurassic park on someone? (grumbles softly) hello! we're still gettininrobbed here! someone untie me and call the cops!
3:31 am
no! don't call the cops! if you let me go, i can get you free hoagies for the next three years! really? both: we are calling the cops! okay, okay, okay. (grumbles softly) luke, are you okay? not really. but on the bright side, none of that punch got in my mouth, so... how did you know gale was after me? emma told me. luke, i'm so sorry, but if rachel can't see how great a guy you are, then she's a big idiot. meanwhile, i'm sitting here without a date, looking like a bigger idiot. (sighs) well, i can't do anything out the punch, but you are done just sitting around. (scoffs) jessie, y don't have to do this. yes, i do! luke, you are sweet and funny and cool.
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hey, check out my friends checking us out. (chuckles) you could probably coast all the way through middle school on this one. i can coast all the way to my g.e.d! really? yeah, well, maybe.(chuckles) hey, jessie. hmm. i was told to give this to a gigi who really deserves it. i think that's you. aw, luke. i'll treasure this. i treasured that. (both chuckle) hey, thanks for eering me up. eh, that's what nannies are for. but you know what would make me feel great? if i got a kiss. don't push your luck. (chuckles) other than the fact that i still have punch in my pants,
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emma, thanks again for trying to warn me about gale. you're welcome. yeah, that was a really great big sister thing to do. you are now officially un-grounded. good, because seeing you dancing gangnam style was punishment enough. adam sandler did put you to shame. so not true. his lasso technique was way too wristy. (vocalizing) (chuckling) (alarm sounding) huh... this is new. oops, i guess we forgot one of our traps. huh! i didn't know it was nanny season. get the key! key? key... uh, zuri, a word? sure. neasy chuckle) i pe that word isn't "key," because i don't have one.
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they're not coming back, are they? guys? don't you... don't... (both scream) come here! kids? bertram? adam sandler? he prefers "thunder." (clicks tongue) last time on "austin & ally"... ally: austin and i do like each other, but it's complicated. i think he still has feelings for another girl. i made up my mind. i'm gonna ask kira to be my girlfriend. it's time for me to face my biggest fear. i'm gonna perform on stage. if you wanna climb, i'll be your ladder r if you wanna run i'll be your road...
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i did it! i conquered my stage fright! doesn't matter when anything you need that's what i'll be you can come to me... austin? i thought about it. yes, i'll be your girlfriend. you can come to me, yeah. oh, uh... i guess that's the answer to the question i asked you yesterday. and you said yes. i guess that makes it official. congratstsyou two. - ally, i-- - thanks! well, i better get smooching-- i mean, scooching. there's a movie i don't wanna kiss-- i mean, miss. ( stammering ) let's go, trish. the duet sounded great tonight, austin, although your timing was a little off. ( nervous chuckling g so kira,
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about us... i'm afraid that-- i know. you're afraid my dad's gonna be mad we're officially dating. - see, the thing is-- - shh. let's not worry about my dad right now. let's just be happy. aw, man. thth is bad. what am i gonna-- shh. let's not worry about kirand ally right now. let's just freak out. ( screaming ) ( theme music playing ) when the crowd wants more i bring on the thunder 'cause you've got my back and i'm n n going under you're my p pnt, you're my y guard you're the perfect chord and i see our names together on every billboard we're headed for the top, we've got it on lock we'll make 'em say "hey!" and we'll keep rockin' oh, there's no way i could make it without ya do it without ya, be here without ya t's no fun when you're doing it solo o
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with you it's like, "whoa," yeah, and i know i own this dream 'cause i got you with me there's no way i could make it without ya do it without ya, be here without ya. so have you talked to austin zet - about the big kiss? - at's there to talk aut? whoa, rewind. kiss? yeah yeah. austin and i kissed last night. not a big deal. oh, sweetie! your first kiss! that is a big deal! what makes you think it was my first kiss? okay, , was my first kisis it was pretty magical. i was there. yeah. - i felt like cinderella... - aww. ...until the prince's girlfriend showed up, then the glass slipper broke, the pumpkin exploded all over me and the gingerbread man found a wolf in grandma's house.
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it was pretty grimm. ( laughing ) too soon? bott line: austin has another girlfriend. end of story. oh, honey. i'm so sorry. but you've got a choice: you could think of last night as a night that some boy let you down, or... you can think of it as the night that you walked out on stage and conquered your biggest fear. listen to your mom. you conquered your stage fright. let's focus on your career now. i'm gonna be your manager. we're gonna do this! you're right. if i can beat my stage fright, i can do anything. it's time totolose the door on austin and open the door on me! you gotta pull.
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whoooo tastes better when it's a challenge. your move. h, i don't feel like playing anymore. i can't stop thinking about the whole ally-kira thing. i admit, i was upset about it at first. but if you wanna be with kira and not ally, i can accept that. i don't wanna be with kira. i wanna be wititally. whoo! thank goodness 'cause i really couldn't accept that. oh! hey, ally! oh. hey, guys. do you guys wanna be alone? - uh, yeah. kinda. - cool. there's nobody sitting at that table over there. so... did you see dez's french fry building?
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i call it the frie-ffel tower! it was funnier when i said it earlier. okay. let's not make this any weirder than it needs to be. we kissed. it was good. really good. okay. really good. magical,,even. ay. it was really good and magical. but the point is: you chose kira. but let's just stick to being friends and partners and pretend the kiss never happened. i can't pretend it never h hpened. ally, i wannnnbe with you. oh, sosoou broke up with kira? well, no. not yet. bye, austin. ( sighs ) bummer, man. have a fry. it'll make you feel better. first ally, now the fries?! do you have to destroy everything you touch?
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i have to break up with kira first. whoo, she's gonna be mad. her dad won't be too happy either. yeah, he doesn't even know we're dating. wait, that's it! if jimmy finds out, maybe he'll do the breaking up for me. - mmm! - good idea, huh? no, i'm just enjoying my fry. mmm! i hereby call this first official team ally meeting to order. everyone take a seat. everyone's sitting. let's hear from our songwriter. that's me. i just wrote a new song. and now from our performer. again, me. ( both chuckle ) the vocals are coming along great. and now from our manager. trish? well, i've got big plans for your future as a superstar performer. i've devised a one-year plan to get you from here to here! okay. what's the plan?
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i am so excited! well, i have alreadyhought of some ally merchandise. hmm. ally sponge. ally soap. ally plunger. ally toilet paper. single and dououe-ply. did you just steal all that stuff from our bathroom and write my name on it? yup, that's the kind of can-do manager i am. i also called megan from "cheetah beat" to get you an interview. great job, trish. day one progress report: amazing. and from there, i'm thinking concerts, a record deal and some dance lessons! 'cause let's be honest, this... isn't cutting it. hey, boyfriend. hey, kira. boyfriend boyfriend boyfriend.
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i like the sound of that. it's a great w wd when used appropriataty. i couldn't agree more, boyfriend. ( giggles ) listen, i know we said we were gonna wait, but i think we need to tell your dad about us. aren't you worried he's gonna stop us from seeing each other? that's a chance i'm willing to take. hey, there he is. daddy? what a coincidence seeing you here! you texted me to meet you here. did i? anyway... the important thing is that you're here. and there's something that we'd like to talk to you about. i'm listening. there's a good chance you're gonna be really really upset about what i'm about to tell you. is there a point to this? i think you should k kw that me and ki-- your only daughter-- are dating. and we wouldn't want to continue without your approval, so-- i have a strict policy against my daughter dating musicians.
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no exceptions. aww. no exceptions? i gotta say, the fact that you called me down here to ask my permission proves that you're ththkind of guy my daughr should be with i'm sorry you feel that way-- wait. what? you and kira have my blessing. group hug. yay!
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how's the new song coming? great! i'm almost done. well, guess who got her first interview as a performer? megan's on her way up. ( exhales ) that's awesome! thanks, trish. i'm really excited about this interview. it'll be nice to talk about just ally. not t stin and ally. o.m.g.! i wawaa talk about austin and ally. i heard you guys sang a duet. are you a couple? an item? a thing?! whoa! someone put too much sugar on their cereal. i brought you here to write about ally's new career. and i will, but my readers want the gossip.
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i don't know much about chemistry, 'cause you don't take that till the eighth grade, but i know that you two haha it. that's nice of you to say, but austin's dating somebody else. trust me, we're just partners. so he does have a girlfriend! totes juice! now that we got the gossip out of the way, can we focus on ally? of course. next week. but right now, i i ve an epic story break. ( squeals ) so... ( nervous chuckles ) that went well. did you break up with her yet? i tried to, but it didn't go so well. hey, boyfriend. hey, kira. listen, i need to tell you something. i think we should-- ( jackhammer pounding )
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- ( pounding stops ) - - anyway... please don't hate me. sorry, i couldn't hear anything you said. why would i hate you? you're my boyfriend. what i was trying to say is-- - ( cellphone ringing ) - i think we should-- hi, daddy. what? that's awful. ll be right home. exhales ) my goldfish mr. gills just died. i gotta go. what did you want to tell me? that i'm sorry for your loss? mr. gills! mr. gills died? ( sniffles ) i loved that fish. anyway, i'm gonna meet uppwith her again. i gotta get t is over with. austin moon! word on the street: you have a new girlfriend. and i'm here to get the deets, the skinny, the 411, the juice, the information to write my story.
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( high-pitched ) what? that is totes ridic. and isn't there sosothing more interesesng to write about - than my private life??- nope. austin: uh well, i gotta go do something really boring. but i'll, uh, see you later. dez, walk me out? i have to go break up with kira and i don't want megan interfering. i need you to keep her away from me. i'm on it. megan... who wants a stick? who wants a stick? go get it! go get it! - ( clatters ) - now's your chance. get out of here! ( grunts ) i'll get it. so anyway, that's what i've been trying to tell you all week. please don't hate me. i don't hate you, austin. i mean, i wanna yell and scream at you, but i know that's notgonna make me feel better.
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wow, you're being so cool about it-- you inconsiderate-- ( pounding ) ( inaudiblbl) ( pounding stops ) whoo! that felt good. are we cool now? yeah. you're still working with my dad and there's no reaean we shouldn't try and be friends. you're the best. o.m.g. his girlfriend's kira starr?! can you say exclusive?! i am so proud of ally for getting over her stage fright. we should throw her a party to celebrate. great idea! we can do it outside in the mall for free. let's get started.
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come on. hey. how's it goin'? great. i just finished a new song for myself and did d interview for "c"cetah beat." that's awesome! i'm really happy for you, ally. listen, i just want you to know that kira'completely out of the picture. really? seriously? "austin's new girlfriend"? looks like she's still in the picture to me. come on, trish. ally, wait! ( ststmering ) austin, i gotta warn you! megan took pictures of you and kira toublish in "cheetabeat." oh. you already know. aww. hey! i've got some ideas for some publicity shots. check it out. rocker ally! ( country accent ) country ally!
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( normal voice ) and my personal favorite... dragon slayer ally! nobody's gonna believe i'm a dragon slayer. ( gasps ) ally's a dragon slayer? i knew dragons were real. uh. hey, ally. maybe we can hook up later and work on some new songs. yeah, me and trish have to come up with some better publicity photos. - hey! - but let's catch up later. man! i i ally messed up wiwi ally. i wish she wasn't so over me. hey, don't give up now. you're austin moon. you can win her over. all you need is a big romantic gesture. i could buy her a piano she could play at her first concert. ( scoffs ) you clearly know nothing about romance. you gotta think bigger, like parachute the piano intotohe party and then sererade her in front o oeveryone. that's genius! that's why they call me... ( whispers ) the love whisperern
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ally, your father and i ararso proud of you for overcomingyoururtage fright. we can't wait to see what the next step will be in your musical journey. ally, i love you, honey. come here. - ( penny chuckles ) - oh, i hope you enjoy this party...
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uh, can i say a few words? ally, i just wanna say that i'm so happy for you. and i can't wait to be in the front row of your first concert. when you're playing this! - look up! - ( helicopter overhead ) what is that? i think it's a piano. dez, the parachute's not open. yeah, it hasn't been pulled yet. - who's gonna pull it? - ( inhales sharply ) run! ( all screaming ) uh... surprise.
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i should-- i'm really sorry, man. i blew it. she probably hates me. well, you did break her piano. you knowow i'll never forget that first time we wrote a song together. i was playing the piano; she was writing in her songbook. hey, that's the card from the flowers i got her. "there's no way i could make it without you." she kept it. this must be the songgshe's working on.. dez, listen to this... think about you every morning when i open my eyes. i think about you every moment,
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this song is amazing. - wait, do you knono what this meansns - that you're really nosy. no. it means no matter whgt she said, she's liked me this whole time. it's like i'm watching the best romantic movie ever! i know what i need to do. hey. i think i found a piece without piano in it. nope. ( acoustic guitar playing ) last summer we met we started as friends i can't tell you how it all happened then autumn it came we were never the same
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and i wonder if you miss me too if you don't, it the one thing that i wish you knew i think about you every morning when i open my eyes i think about you every evening when i turn out the lights i think aboututou every momomt, every day ofofy life you're on my mind all the time it's true how long till i stop pretending what we have is never-ending oh oh if all we are is just a momeme don't forget me 'cause i won't and i can't help myself i think about you ooh ooh
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i think about you oh oh i think about you every morning when i open my eyes i think about you every evening when i turn out the lights i think about you every moment, every day of my life you're onony mind all the e me it's true i think about you you you you you. austin, i wanna-- shh. just come here. i am f-reaking! ( squeals )
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guess who's the cover of "cheetah beat"? i gueswe are officially a couple. finished! whoo! fixed the piano good as new. i think about you every morning when i open my eyes ( high-pitched ) i think about you every evening when i turn out the lights i think about you every morning that there's love in your eyes there's love in your eyes. okay, you put one hand here and the other hand here.
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