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tv   The Late Show With Stephen Colbert  Me-TV  December 11, 2015 10:35pm-11:37pm CST

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( cheers and applause ) captioning sponsored by cbs >> welcome stephen colbert! >> stephen: hey! welcome to the late show, everybody." thank you! >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: friday! friday! that's it! >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey! wooo! thanks so much, everybody. thank you, so much. thanks, everybody. welcome to "the late show." i'm stephen colbert. ( cheers and applause ) or am i?! i am. ( laughter ) and the only reason i bring it
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too careful about identity theft these days. it happens to everyone, even corporations. you guys know the company pepperidge farm? i would be upset if didn't. well, as you know, they farm more than pepperidge. they also make delicious cookies. and now they're saying those cookies are victims of identity theft. last week, they sued the supermarket chain trader joe's for selling a type of cookie they claim looks too much like their popular milanos. i know. it's a big story. ( laughter ) i love milanos. they've got so many kinds. you got the originals, mint milanos, dark chocolate milanos, the raspberry milanos, cool ranch, blazin' buffallo milanos, alyssa milanos. now, i realize i talk a lot about food on the show, but food is an important
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after all, if you are what you eat, then i am like half food. the other half is those pieces of paper they put between cheese slices to try to slow you down. nice try. not even a speed bump, as far as i'm concerned. but back to pepperidge farm. i don't get how trader joes could be ripping off the milano. because the milano is basically two cookies with chocolate in the middle. i'm pretty sure that's just a sandwich. by that logic, pepperidge farm should be suing subway-- who, at this point, i'm sure has a pretty good legal team. ( laughter ) ( applause ) plus--. ( cheers and applause ) plus, the trader joe's version is called "trader joe's crispy cookies," so it's not like they stole the idea of milano's had of
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right here. the only way for me to know for sure is if these cookie companies send me a lot of them. and i promise to be an impartial judge. i will keep an open mind and an open mouth. the reason i asked is this has worked for me before. because the last time i mentioned oreos on the show, the o'ero company sent me 150 packages. we built me a small throne made of them. plus-- and this is absolutely true. this right here, they sent me a dedicated oro phone-- if we could get a close-up-- right there. with a preprogrammed button in the middle that i push and automatically calls oreo headquarters if we ever run out. this is absolutely true. ( cheers and applause ) and just-- a quick reminder to the staff-- don't try calling 9-1-1 on this thing, unless you're dying of
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i'll give you that back there. i have to get this close to give it back to him. so pepperidge farm and trader joes, the bar is high. oreos sent me a phone. maybe you guys can send me a smartphone that tracks when my mouth needs cookies. here's how it works-- if i can fit the phone in my mouth. there are no cookies in there. send me cookies! and we should probably have that cleaned before i put that in my mouth. ( laughter ) that was-- i don't-- that was actually-- ( applause ) it occurred to me-- that was hand handed to me by a stagehand right before i walked on stage, and it certainly tasted saltier than i wanted. ( laughter ) we have a delicious, a delicious show for you tonight. first up, i'll be talking with the creator and star of the braodway smash hit, "hamilton," lin-manuel miranda.
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you saw that. >> jon: yes. >> stephen: amazing. >> jon: fantastic. >> stephen: kids, remember, "hamilton" is the only show on broadway that gets you a credit in a.p. history. then, from the new film project" i'll be joined by ike barinholtz. ( cheers and applause ) good chicago boy. good chicago boy. ike actually directed me in an episode of "the mindy project." and i'll ask him what it's like to dish with stephen colbert because i understand she's kind of handy on the set. and we'll have a performance by sharon jones & the dap-kings. it's a holiday song. they've got a new holiday album. they will be playing a hanukkah song tonight that is so soulful, it's going to make you challah. that right there, that's jon
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say hi, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) they're about to do the thing with the things before the other thing, but before they do those things, one more thing. adidas has unveiled plans for a new factory where robots make running shoes. now, if they'll just make a robot that will run for me. >> tonight, stephen womans playwright lin-manuel miranda. actor ike barinholtz. and a musical performance by sharon jones & the dap-kings. featuring jon batiste and stay human.
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show with stephen colbert"! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: thanks, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: oh, yeah? yeah. ( cheers and applause ) thank you, everybody. thanks, everybody. man, you guys sound great tonight, amazing. >> jon: thank you. >> stephen: have you got any plans for this weekend, jon? >> jon: i'm going to get some rest and -- >> wow, you live a wild, jazz life. >> jon: yeah. >> stephen: anything else? no? >> stephen:?>> jon: i might go to a musical. >> stephen: really? "hamilton"?
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>> stephen: isn't it incredible. >> stephen: nice lyrics and good research, too. >> stephen: it is. that's what i look for in my musicals, excellent research. >> stephen: yeah. >> stephen: i didn't have to read the bible because i saw "jesus christ superstar." >> jon: yeah. >> stephen: i'm very excited for him to come out here a little bit later. i want to take a moment to say how much i like the opening credits of the show. i want you to know, they were created by a wonderful argentinian director with the absolutely perfect argentinian name of fernando-- wait for it-- livschitz, of the buenos aires livschitz. in the run-up to the show, i stumbled on a wonderful tilt shift video of new york he made called "scales," which he shot in, like, two days with a handheld camera and no permits. so don't tell the cops.
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and we got him on the skype. he was a gentle, soft-spoken, wonderful guy, who has none. i think he thought i was some sort of jimmy kimmel prank. but eventually we worked it out, and the next thing you know, fernando was here in the city, standing on ledges 40 stories up, hanging out of helicopters, to make our opening credits. material, because our credits are only, like, 30-something seconds. how long are our credits, jon? >> jon: 46.8 seconds. >> stephen: that's pretty precise. >> jon: yeah, we play it every night. >> stephen: for the rest of your life, young man. for the rest of your life. anyway, with all that extra footage, fernando has created an extended two-minute, seventeen- second film, scored by jon batiste and stay human, with the full-length version of our opening song. so feel free to sing along to our official lyrics:
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and it's coming right up it's the late show and it's coming right up the late show late and-- we're working on it. to see these full extended credits go to right now. and by "right now" i mean after finishing this show, and then watching james cordon. and before the year is out, i want to make sure to properly acknowledge all the designers and artists who transformed this theater, before the show ever started, starting with a shout-out to the man who designed our beautiful set, mr. jim fenhagen. didn't he do an incredible job? it's an amazing, versatile set. of course, jim fenhagen is no stranger to people who watch tv. he designed both sets for "the colbert report" as well as sets for "the daily show," jon oliver, and "cbs this morning." you name it. he designed it. as long as it's one of the things i just named. ( laughter ) of course, jim couldn't have
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man, senior set designer larry hartman and the set shop black walnut. i'd also like to thank everyone responsible for the amazing transformation of the ed sullivan theater. the talented carpenters and technical crew here who pulled off a three-month miracle, including architects neil tucker and ojay obinani, builders charlie ciccarelli and tommy miriello. and the folks at bravo media, who designed the digital projection system up on our dome. and, of course, i need to think everybody at cbs especially my close friend and hot yoga instructor, les moonves, for cutting the checks to make it happen. i'll pay you back, les, as soon as we find "ed sullivan's gold." point is, it takes a lot of people to put "the late show" together every night. and what all these people have in common is tremendous creativity. and if you ask me, the most important thing you can bring to your job is creativity. and donuts. ( laughter )
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donuts. but really close behind that, it's creativity. and nobody values creativity more than the tech titans of silicon valley. they try to get the most out of their employees by providing office spaces communal play areas, a ball pit, 24-7 food, and by removing all clocks and door handles. ( laughter ) but even i have to question the latest silicon valley workplace trend. according to "rolling stone," tech execs are now taking "regular doses of acid, which have become the creativity enhancer of choice, which explains why last week, the google doodle was spiders crawling on your face. ( laughter ) ( applause ) now, when you think of l.s.d., you might not think "strong work ethic." but this is something called microdosing, which involves taking about one-tenth of the normal recreational dose. and how many licks of an l.s.d.
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>> two, or three. aaah! everybody saw the owl, right? that wasn't just me? one expert recommends:, of course, that's much easier if your usual daily routine involves an hour in the ball pit. i, for one, am appalled by this glorification of drug use. so here's my advice-- you don't need some illegal, mind-altering substance to be creative everyday. you just need legal mind- altering substances. for instance, i use coffee. i take it with cream and sugar. and by "cream" i mean bourbon, and by "sugar" i mean xanax.
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i can work forever! we'll be right back with the creator of "hamilton," lin-manuel miranda. ahhhh! correct, i have a life mate. is that consequential? mmm..ehh with whom are you communicating? jake, from planet state farm. jake, from planet state farm at o three hundred hours? state your identity. it is jake, from planet state farm, home of discount double check. describe your apparel "jake from planet state farm" uh, khakis... khakis...explain. a dull earthly garment covering male extremities. sounds most appropriate. mm hm save mass quantities, even at 0300 hours. get to a better state.
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but a few might shape the future. like turning algae into biofuel... technology for capturing co2 emissions... ...and cars twice as efficient as the average car today. ideas exxonmobil scientists are working on to make energy go further... matter how many tries it takes. energy lives here. all the hard work... time in the service... community college...
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it's why we, at university of phoenix, count your relevant work and college experience as credits toward your degree. learn more at and that is where soup comes from. campbell's fresh-brewed soups. oh, i thought we were talking about babies. made for real, real life. mom! tt2watx#@nt!p bt`n>:d tt2watx#@nt!p "a`n.6 tt2watx#@nt!p bm`n%=, tt4watx#@nt!r dzlq ;j, tt4watx#@nt!r enlq knl tt4watx#@nt!r gzl& ri4 paris: there's a lot to do on a dairy farm. nobody's gonna do it for you.
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bernie sanders is a well-known friend of family farms. bernie cannot be bought out by big money. bernie's opinion cannot be purchased. it's time for our next president to get in there, roll up his sleeves, take off the gloves, and take on wall street, take on big business, take on big money, and get the working class back to where they should be. he's a rock. sanders: i'm bernie sanders and i approve this message. dear future, please help. the present is kind of a scary place. i have no money, no job, no clothes. i feel completely helpless. but i hear good things about you, future. like i'll have hair, and friends, and books and music.
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( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my first guest is the creator and star of the broadway smash musical, "hamilton." please welcome, lin-manuel miranda. ( cheers and applause ) ( cheers ). >> stephen: wow. >> oh, thank you for making me feel welcome with music of my people. >> stephen: absolutely. they make everybody feel welcome. >> it's just like i'm in washington height. thank you. >> stephen: you're most welcome. me theater es tings u tu theater. that's the extent of my spanish. it's really exciting to have you
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"hamilton--" and this is no surprise to you-- completely blew me away. >> thank you very much. >> stephen: have any of you seen it? ( cheers and applause ). >> stephen: it's hard to get tickets. you might be a good guy to ask. could you get us 400 tickets to "hamilton"? >> look under your chairs! if i had that oprah power, i would do it. >> stephen: you grew up as, like, a theater kid. you loved musicals growing up, right? >> yes, yes. >> stephen: for me i went and saw it and i went eye didn't really know what to expect. i heard good things. my first reaction was this is very good. this is very interesting. i wonder how long they can sustain this. and then you go oh, this is actually quite magnificent. and then two hours later, i'm going, "why am i crying over alexander hamilton?" is that a common reaction? >> it is a common reaction. i think a lot of people think it's going to be sort of very clever, and they're going to be lots of knowing winks, but alexander hamilton had this really full and tragic american life.
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and he's kind of the new york founding father. >> stephen: how do you feel now that hamilton's going to come off the 10 dollar bill? >> i don't think he is. >> stephen: really? the plan was to take him off by 2017. do you think you singlehandedly have kept him on the bill? >> i don't think i have. >> stephen: i think you have. honest to god, up until your music, who talked about alexander hamilton? people thought he was a president, but he was never a president. >> no, he was just a guy on the 10. but, you know, people have always underestimated alexander hamilton. i picture the ghost of hamilton being like, "i'm not coming off that money. i have more things to say." >> stephen: he invented the money. >> he created our financial system. like, one guy created our financial system. >> stephen: it's not just learning about hamilton, but you're seeing new york has this amazing colonial history. you don't think we're living in a colonial town. i grew up in charleston, south carolina, which is like colonial under glass.
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anything. but new york is always making history because of people like hamilton. >> totally. what was amazing about write it it, you know, i'm a born and bred new yorker and i love new york but i didn't have to go very far. my first musical was about washington heights-- hey! and there's lots of stuff-- i mean, fort tyron park where where she made his last stance before he bounced with his troops is right uptown. his first headquarters is on 162nd street, where aaron burr lived fair year. he married the owner of that house, elijah jamle, when he was like, 60. he took all her money and bounced. >> >> stephen: he was a gigolo? >> she was a very notorious lady. she married him for his notoriety. he was famous for having shot home boy. ( laughter ). >> stephen: as his friends called him. >> as his friends called thim. he used to walk around and say, "my friend alexander hamilton, who i shot." >> stephen: did it bother him for the rest of his life?
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haunted dude for the rest of his life. he may have tried to go annex mexico and declare himself emperor. there might be a sequel in the works. i mean, he has this whole crazy other life. but, yeah, he married this lady on 162nd, like, sort of bilked her for all her money and then, like, fled to europe. >> stephen: one of the amazing songs to me is the room where it happened. and that's burr, wanting to be in the room where a deal is being cut between hamilton and jefferson and madison, right? i do have that right? >> yes, which sounds so boring, doesn't it? but-- >> stephen: they're trying to figure out where the banks go and the capitol goes. >> hamilton basically said we can trade away the capital of the united states to be down near you guys in virginia if you pass my debt plan, if you find the doats voets to pass my financial plan. which sounds super dry -- >> you wrote a broadway show about creating a financial plan for the united states.
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and it swings, baby, it swings. >> stephen: it does! i just want to say, you, sir, have got some huevos rancheros. it takes balls to write this kind of musical. one of my favorite characters is lafayette, and one of the things that's amazing, hits you in the face with the history of new york, you started this thing in the public theater so you go in and see someone playing lafayette and how important he was to the revolutionary cause and you walk out on to lafayette street in new york city. >> and you can't help but sing it-- lafayette the fun thing we did donetsk with lafayette is he kind of struggling with the language at the beginning of act one and at the end of act one he's a commander and has the fastest rap in the show. i call it the "police academy ruled." remember the little lady in the, "police academy" movies. she'd say, "please go." and then, "freeze circ." that's kind of what we did with lafayette. he goes, "i don't speak your
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and then, "i'm taking this horse with the red coats and blood stains!" i'm just stealing from "police academy." >> stephen: the same actor who place lafayette plays jefferson. what's his name. >> daveed diggs, a force of nature. >> stephen: there is rap battles between hamilton and jefferson in front of washington trying to determine things like do they support paris? do they pass a debt plan? we have a little clip air, small clip of what that's like to watch these rap battles ?eet in we create. you just want to move our money around. this financial plan is an outrageous demand and there are too many damn pages for any man to understand. >> thomas, that was a real nice declaration. welcome to the present. we're running a real nation. would you like to join us or stay mad doing whatever the hell it is you do in monticello. a civics lesson from slaver. hey, neighbor, your debts are paid because you don't pay for labor. we plant seeds in the south. we create. keep ranting. we know who's really doing the
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>> his slaves. his slaves. >> stephen: you talk about slaves, exactly. now, again, this is, like, nothing i have ever seen. and it's beautiful and it's really moving. did you have this kind of experience? what was the thing that you saw when you were younger that completely blew you away and you said, "i have to do that." >> it was a couple of things. the first musical i ever saw on broadway-- we department have money for a ton of musicals. i was a cast album guy. my mom used to blast "man of la mancha" and "camelot." so. they found genovere >> stephen: i am don quixote, the lord ofula mawrcha. >> my destiny calls, and i go. yes i'm sarchle. i follow my master till the end. >> stephen: we should take it on the road. >> let's go.
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then "les mis" was the first one i ever saw and i remember the effect it had on my parents, actually. they brought home that cast album and every time they played "bring him home" my mom started crying and i think that's what was responsible for me writing musicals is the effect it had on my family. "phantom" was the second musical about an ugly songwriter who wants to get girls to notice him. and i was like, "i know all about that. i'm on the cums of puberty. this phantom's got some good ideas." ( laughter ). >> stephen: if you could stick around fair little bit more? >> yes. >> stephen: stick around. we'll be right back with more lin-manuel miranda. ( applause ) fact. when emergency room doctors choose an otc pain reliever for their patients muscle, back and joint pain. the medicine in advil is their #1 choice.
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( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: we're back with lin-manuel miranda. his play "hamilton" is at the richard rogers theater right now. and the cast soundtrack is available wherever music is sold. go get it. this thing is going to play forever. >> i hope so. >> stephen: it's amazing and every high school is going to do it, right? >> i'm really excited about that. >> stephen: it's the best possible thing. have a lot of kids come see it? >> yeah. we have an initiative, 20,000 new york city school kid coming next year. the rockefeller foundation is paying for it. ( cheers and applause ). >> stephen: so what's-- so, like, what's next. upon upon this has been such a hit. another musical about a founding father? >> i think i'm good on founding fathers for a while? >> stephen: really. people love sequels and hollywood loves imitation. do another founding father and do one about him. >> hamilton's kind of my guy. >> stephen: i understand that. >> i think i'm good. >> stephen: but there are a
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what about button gwinnett? he signed the declaration of independence. >> i don't know who that is. >> stephen: you don't know who that is? >> no. >> stephen: he's one of the signers of the declaration of independence. >> he's a real guy? >> stephen: yes. he signed the declaration of independence. i believe we have a picture. he's a real guy, one of three guys from georgia who signed it nobody remembers him. >> i certainly don't. >> stephen: that's why i think it's going to be so fresh when i drop my new musical "button," about button gwinnett. >> what did he do? what's his legislative -- >> nothing, he did almost nothing. this is absolutely true. because he got into politics about one year before the declaration, and then he died less than a year later in a duel. >> oh. he died in a duel, that's a great ending. that works really well. is this, like, a one-act play. >> stephen: it's like a one-song play. a one-song play. we actually have a clip, and
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>> oh, great. >> barmaid! one ale, if it's not too much bother. pay attention. did i mention i'm a founding father? don't try to front me. i won't play that, madam. i'm a founder of this country, and my name is john adams. ( cheers and applause ) >> i knew it was you, my boy johnny ace! has it really been since philly that i've seen your face? >> thank you very much. always nice to meet a fan. >> hold on a second, adams. you know who i am. it's me, button gwinnet. i don't need a citation, cuz we met, tete-a-tete, when we signed the declaration. big whig style. how could you forget? i'm your brother founding father, big b. gwinnett. ( cheers and applause ) >> sorry, i didn't hear. can you repeat that name? was it bilbo gimlet? what's your claim to fame? i don't remember any hobbits on the signature roster, you claim you're a founder, but you look like a lost-er. >> what? what! you can call me gwinnett, or you can call me button. all the shorties call me over when they see me struttin'
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i don't need to cajole. got the ladyfolk unfastening their buttonhole. yeah, ask abigail! she knows! >> i'm john freakin' adams, c'mon, show respect, i ain't never heard of no-one named button gwinnet. i'm the o.g. v.p., and i know every signer from hancock up in boston to lynch in caroliner. >> it's a mystery why you're pissed at me, but button gwinnett will make i'm a glutton for attention, so don't you forget, tell me, what's my name? >> button gwinnett! >> what's my name? >> button gwinnett! >> what's my name? >> button gwinnett! >> stephen: and his name is lin-manuel miranda! "hamilton" is running now on album is available wherever music is sold. we'll be right back.
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>> button gwinnett. >> what's my name. >> button gwinnett! yeah. button gwinnett. don't you ever forget. button, and button. i just keep french styling until we're done with it. ( cheers and applause ) discover card hey! so i'm looking at my bill and my fico credit score's on here. yeah! we give you your fico credit score. for free! awesomesauce! the only person i know that says that is... lisa? julie? we've already given more than 175 million free fico credit scores to our cardmembers.
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( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. >> you know my next guest as morgan tookers on "the mindy project." he is now starring in the film "sisters" with tina fey and amy poehler. >> would you like to frank me at a party i am attending at my own house tonight? >> him or me? >> oh, yeah. >> yeah, yeah. maybe, what time? >> 8:30, 8:45, nine. it doesn't matter. i'm pretty laid back. >> okay, okay. let me just check my calendar real quick. you're lucky. i am free. >> well, that's good-a-news. i i'm not italian. i don't know why i said it like that. >> no, i like italians.
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barinholtz. ( applause ) >> stephen: nice to see you. >> how are you? it's so crazy, you have on the creator and star of "hamilton." >> stephen: yeah, yeah. >> and then the creator and star "of on your feet" the gloria estefan musical back to back. nobody knows i created that musical. >> stephen: even gloria. >> i like to keep it that way. these shooez very litigious. >> stephen: because of the restraining order? >> how far is 500 yards we'll find out soon, yes, sir. >> stephen: thanks for being here. i haven't seep since i guest starred on on "the mindy project" this winter. >> i directed you. >> stephen: you did direct me. now you're a movie star. you did this thing with ole and tina fey. it's a hilarious movie and you're the romantic guy in it. >> yeah, which is strange. i play morgan on "the mindy
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desperate loser, i would say. >> stephen: which has its own appeal. >> he's indjept. he's lonely. he's afraid. this guy, so, in "sisters," he's a nice gentleman from florida. >> stephen: did you have to get sexy for it? >> i had to get sexy. i had a new hair system put in. ( laughter ) this is-- this is real human hair right here. this is rat hair that i had grafted on to my skin. no, i actually did. i had to lose a couple of pounds because -- >> how many is a couple? >> i lost about 25 pounds really quickly. >> stephen: really? >> yeah, yeah. >> stephen: how did you-- >> thank you. >> stephen: people out there are actually-- these people, those-- there are people out there who really thought, yeah, he really needed to. >> he needed it. >> stephen: it was time. >> he was a real fatso. he was a real fatso. >> stephen: no, but do you have to-- being the romantic guy, did you have to-- on "the mindy project," were say they go soyou, "why are you getting so sexy right now?" >> a little bit, but mindy keeps it real.
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>> stephen: oh, wow. you could not pay me enough. >> really? >> stephen: no, those days are over, my friend. >> well, i was nervous because i have very thick eastern european jewish chest hair, and someone is like are you going to trim it? and i was like oh, yeah, obviously. i had one patch that was hairy here and i clipped it way too short. so then i clipped the other side. and then i started looking -- >> patchy. >> like i had mainch, like a sick dog. so then i really kind of clipped the whole thing -- >> by yourself. >> by myself. >> stephen: not a pro? >> no, by myself. >> stephen: there are people who will wax you. they porthe hot wawx wax on. >> i thought about that, but i'm a coward at heart. i clipped it way too short, and i realized my character from florida and my men are florida are shaved. from the neck down. >> stephen: like an eel. >> they're like baby eels.
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once for shot, and i went to a woman who said, "vee cothe nipples last." and she knew what she was talking about. >> that's the worst part. the nipples are the worst part. >> stephen: you're from chicago. >> yes, sir. >> stephen: you're very chicago. ( cheers and applause ). >> yeah, give it up. go, cubs! yeah, we met. you spent times in chicago. >> stephen: i lived there for 11 years. >> sort of from south carolina, sort of from chicago. i think i'm professionally from chicago because so many people, like, i hired four more writers when i came on to this show. we upped the staff. and i didn't even know it but i hired four people from chicago. >> we're a comedy hub. >> stephen: it is. why do you think a lot of comedy today is rolled in the bread crumbs of chicago? >> i think because we are alcoholics. ( laughter ) and we have four months a year -- >> i prefer to call it coffee. >> coffee, yeah. ( laughter ). >> well, there's four months a year if you go outside you will freeze to death, so we're inside a lot.
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>> it's really november to mid-may. >> stephen: exactly. >> those months we get very fat. we eat pizza and trichg drink a lot and we like to laugh. we don't take things too seriously. >> stephen: and fall down. >> and we fall down. >> stephen: what's the most chicago sentence you can think of? do you have one? >> you can tell him from me that i said kiss my ass! ( cheers and applause ) it's always, like, telling a friend, "tell pat, tell pat, i said he can go to hell! it's always involve a guy named pat or a woman named mary pat. you know, it's always very -- >> no, it's pat's sister, mary pat. when i first saw mary pat, okay, she was in her dodge, over by l.s.d., lake shore drive. hollywood. >> stephen: no it was up by-- oh, by diversity. >> stephen: absolutely. >> oh, that's good. thing.
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and he was shoveling herself out with a poll sca kill ball bassa. you get the hot peppers. it melts the snow banks. >> and then you get the juice, the pepper juice. >> stephen: you getta eat it wet. >> you gotta have it wet. >> stephen: no other way. >> chicagoans chicagoans chicagoans are obsessed with wet food. "make it wet. make it every wet." >> stephen: the first time i went to mr. beef, the first time, i guy said, "do you want it wet?" and i thought about calling in someone from human resources to talk to him. >> mr. beef has a very extensive human resources department. >> stephen: well, mrs. beef insists upon it. ( laughter ). >> poor mrs. beef. >> stephen: what a hard life that must be be. >> rough guy, rough guy. >> stephen: is he still with us, mr. beef. >> mr. beef just recently had his 11th heart attack. >> stephen: excellent. >> but he's going to pull through, i think. >> stephen: it's great to see you. good luck being sexy. >> i'm going to keep trying. i'm not leaving. >> stephen: he's doing it tonight, aren't you? >> is that it?
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>> stephen: you look tired now. that's tired. it's a fine line. >> tired is sexy. >> stephen: is it? i didn't know that. then i'm working it. >> i just hope everyone sees "sisters" and "on your feet" the gloria estefan story. >> stephen: obviously. >> it gets back to my cuban roots and my love of sound machines from miami or anywhere, really. >> stephen: i want to say one more thing before you go, the great thing working on the "the mindy project" with you, the fact that you yell out new things for us to say, and it was very improvisational. i don't think it was lurch yet, and you guys came up and said, "we're ordering everything off the macdonald's menu. do you want it?" i i thought you were just pulling my leg. and you said, "no, no, we send people out." and you backed up a minivan-- "we put it out there and eat until we stop. >> me and mindy don't hold back. >> stephen: and was it 4:00 and you were like, "do you want a cocktail?" >> chicago. >> stephen: and i was trying
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thought i chose the wrong kind of comedy. >> grab a filetta fish and when i havewhiskey. >> stephen: ike barinholtz. "sisters" is in theaters december 18. ike barinholtz! we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) layover. 24 hours. hello, reykjavik. oh, so that's how you spell it. what are you looking at? oh, cool. hungry. fish, anyone? hello, seventh waterfall of the day. hello, duck boat. hello, sheep? oh right! itchy icelandic sweaters and no foreign transaction fees. sweet. one last look. ahh. triple points. and we're off. what's next? wherever the journey takes you, carry american express gold. it's more than a card. it's the gear that gets it done. is that coffee? yea, it's nespresso.
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you're ready. get ready to experience a cup above. is that coffee?
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anncr: when the attacks come here... ...the person behind this desk will have to protect your family. will he be impulsive and reckless, like donald trump? will he have voted to dramatically weaken counter-terrorism surveillance, like ted cruz? will he have skipped crucial national security hearings and votes just to campaign, like marco rubio? 27 generals and admirals support jeb bush. because jeb has the experience and knowledge to protect your family. right to rise usa is responsible
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here to perform "8 days of hanukkah," ladies and gentlemen sharon jones & the dap-kings. ( cheers and applause ) >> one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. days of love days of eight days of hannukkah every one of them glows with love eight days of hannukkah every one of them glows with love eight seven six five four three two day one time to light a candle for those maccabees whose oil did burn and burn day two! time to spin the dreidel and hope that gimel shows up on my turn >> day three!
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with applesauce, sour cream, and all >> day four! >> we're cooking up the briskett the kosher butcher sold my uncle saul >> day five! >> i like it more than pesach let's leave the manichevitz on the shelf >> day six! >> gifts for all the children five dollar checks from great grandma sel >> day seven! >> light a whole bunch of candles gotta keep that shamash going right to left all the way until >> one two three four five six seven eight days of love, days of eight days of hanukkah,
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glows with love eight days of hanukkah, every one of them glows with love ( "i have a little dreidel" melody ) eight days eight days
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eight days eight days eight days >> one two three four five six seven eight days of love, days of >> stephen: wooo! wooo! the album is "the holiday soul party," available now.
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we'll be right back. we are in the age of ageless. age neutral. age defiant. age agnostic.
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bernie's opinion cannot be purchased. it's time for our next president to get in there, roll up his sleeves, take off the gloves, and take on wall street, take on big business, take on big money, and get the working class back to where they should be. he's a rock.
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silent night, holy night, all
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round yon virgin mother and it's time to rise and shine. at kum & go, we're doing more for you to start your day right. like serving up a friendly "good morning" along with breakfast sandwiches & breakfast pizza, yes pizza, & donuts & muffins & coffee that are all made fresh & hot in our store's kitchens every day. kum & go. where & means more.
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>> stephen: that's it for "the late show." tune in monday when my guests will be jennifer lawrence, historian doris kearns goodwin, and a musical performance by sleater kinney. now stick around for my friend james cordon. good night, evebody. captioning sponsored by cbs
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