tv The Late Show With Stephen Colbert CBS September 6, 2016 10:35pm-11:36pm CDT
>> hey, you're on in about 10 minute. hey, did you see that new study about dog s. >> stephen: oh, yeah. >> they can actually understand human language. >> stephen: i don't buy it. i've got a dog and i like my dog but my dog does not understand anything other than the sound of fool hitting the bowl and other people's butts smell like. >> it's "the late show with stephen colbert." tonight, stephen welcomes harry connick jr. ava duvernay and musical guest grouplove. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's
sexy, post-labor day voice tonight. everybody else have a good weekend? ( cheers and applause ) extraordinary, extraordinary. i know who didn't have a good weekend was president obama. he flew to china for labor day because he wanted to see where american labor went. and the president's there for his very last g-20 summit. so the next time he talks international economics, it'll be with a really bored person at a party. "what's that? oh, y mr. president. those tariffs really sounded like a terrible idea. yeah. hold on one second. helen!" ( laughter ) if you ever have to better deal somebody at a party, just yell the name helen and walk away. nobody's going to say you don't know somebody named helen. there was a bit of a rough patch at the beginning of the meeting,
let president obama get off air force one using the normal staircase, or "stair force one," god i hope it's called. so obama had to use a smaller metal staircase that folded out from under the plane. that's right, the chinese made him use the foldaway, the jennifer convertible of stairs. naturally, donald trump weighed in, because... ( laughter ) because donald trump? >> they won't even give him stairs, proper stairs. you see that? there are pictures of other leaders going there, and they're coming down with a beautiful red carpet. but he's coming down a metal staircase in the back of the plane. i got to tell you, that were me, i'd say, "you know what, folks?" i respect you a lot. let's close the doors. let's get out of here." it's a sign of such disrespect. >> stephen: wait a minute,
( laughter ) you don't give him the staircase and he goes away? ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: that might be it. that might be all we gotta do, right? >> stephen: mr. trump, what kind of staircase would you really not want? i' mjust asking for my grandchildren trump knows what he's talking about when he talks about stairs. when you make a grand entrance, you do it on a really slow escalator. and airport stairs weren't the only thing insulting president obama. he was supposed to meet today with rodrigo duterte, the president of the philippines, hopefully to get to the bottom
spelled with an "f." that is "p-h'd" up. in my opinion. ( cheers and applause ) but the meeting has been called off, because when obama said he would confront duterte about his summary execution of over 2,000 suspected drug offenders, in the fill feens, duterte du-tore him a new one, calling president obama the son of a whore. >> audience: oooh! >> stephen: look, i don't know how they do things in the don't attack the woman who gave birth to the president. we attack where she gave birth. and it turns out president
mouth. because last month, he insulted the u.s. ambassador, saying "the son of a whore. he pissed me off." and when the pope francis visited the philippines, he attacked him by saying, "pope, son of a whore, go home." , of course, the pope is a holy man, very patient. he responded by saying, "i will go home, right after i stop by your mom's." ( cheers and applause ) say hi. say hi. what an honor. what a what an honor to have the the pope visit your mom. ( laughter ) now, in duterte's defense, he's not the first person to hurl this insult. we all remember when reagan blew up the internet with this. >> mr. gorbachev, your mother is a whore. >> stephen: it worked, it worked. the wall came down. people forget that part. >> jon: it does. >> stephen: they only remember
now-- can you really understand a word i'm saying right now with my throat? >> jon: yeah. >> stephen: is this a good sound? >> jon: it's nice, it's smooth, like the radio. >> stephen: this is smooth. >> jon: that's smooth, but like louis armstrong smooth. >> stephen: so i'm smoking a lot of weed, is what you're saying. i sound like, "oh, that is nice." i feel like i sound like brenda vicarro. ask your parents. now, the president doesn't h to put up with stuff much longer because a bunch of people out there want his job. and hillary clinton had a rough time campaigning this weekend. ( coughing ) >> i've been talking so-- ( laughter ) >> stephen: that's a lot of coughing. yet another hillary clinton hacking scandal. ( laughter ) a quick-- ( coughs )
people are questioning your health, madam, and you have a terrible cough, don't do it straight spot mic. but hillary had a nice recovery. >> every time i think about trump, i get allergic. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: yeah, she gets allergic. which is bad news because not even hillary can afford an epipen. speaking of-- i didn't raise the prices. speaking of hillary, have you heard about the latest f.b.i. report on her emails? probably not, because they put it out the friday before labor day. you can't hide that news more if you welded it inside a lead capsule and fired it into the heart of the sun. and one of the big revelations of this latest e-mail dump is that secretary clinton didn't use just one smartphone in
claimed, she used up to 13 different mobile devices in four years. 13 cell phones! madam secretary, tell the truth. are you a crack dealer? ( laughter ) because i can't figure out why else you would need 13 phones. meanwhile-- it's actually better if i talk up here. it's much easier. this is much smoother up here. this is very nice. >> jon: that works, too. >> stephen: meanwhile, over the weekend crown prince of trumpland, donald trump jr., tweeted this photo with the hashtag #millenialsfortrump, and a lot of people questioned this from people who didn't think it was real, to people who thought it looked like a scientology poster because the photo seems a little stiff. but they had a ton of fun at the photo shoot. i know because we have actually obtained some exclusive behind-the-scenes footage. jimmy? >> oh, my god, you're on fire, i'm on fire.
department. we need an arson investigation. this is so amazingly hot right now. less, less. that's wonderful. you're young, you're fabulous. you're trump children. give that to me. oh, good lord, yes, absolutely. you're inhuman monsters, you rule the night, you feast on human flesh. perfect! all right, you're young, you're hip, you're reaching out to millennials. you don't care. devil may care. give me hip. give me great. perfect. change it up. do anything. anything just change it up in any way at all. perfect. i want your eyes to be dead, nothing, okay. you just realized you live in a gilded gauge for the rest of your life, and there's no escape. okay? and money does not buy happiness! yes! let's soften things up a little bit. give me a look that says you've all agreed never to talk about that homeless man you killed as children. yes! all right, just for fun, i'm going to shoot some video, all right. hold that look.
now go crazy. perfect. now calm down again. now go crazy again! show me passion! show me sexy. how about a little laugh, ha-ha. and dead inside again. beautiful. all right, you guys were amazing. i think we've got everything you need. you're incredible to work with. let's just do one more set, and this is for the baby calendar. perfect! we've got a great show tonight. harry connick jr. will be here, and donald trump goes to stick around. hey! ? ? ? ( applause ) ? ? you got an early-morning-dad side, ? ?ooooks like those braids aren't easy to tie. ? nope.
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>> stephen: welcome back. welcome back, everybody. say hi to our friends jon batiste and stay human, everybody. isn't that a great band? ( cheers and applause ) jon, i've been doing vocal exercises during the commercial break to >> jon: oh, yeah? >> stephen: very exciting, if you're just joining us, wager your bets right now as to whether i've got my voice by the end of the show, right? i'll match any bet. legally, can i do that? up till $5. any bet up to $5 i can legally do that. i have been doing the whooo! >> jon: aaah. where does it break.
>> jon: that's a long break. >> stephen: that's like nixon's 18 minutes of silence right there in the middle. i have all these sprays, too. my stage managers gave meet spray. singer's soothing throat spray, professional strength. i'm a professional. and alcohol free. well, that's ridiculous. ( laughter ) whooooo... of oh, well. wish me luck. here we go. hey, jon. our first guest tonight, you know our first guest. >> jon: oh, yes, indeed. >> stephen: harry connick jr., you know harry, right. >> jon: that's a bad, bad man. ( laughter ) bad as in good. very positive. >> stephen: i understand. >> jon: it's the jazz lingo. dig it, daddy-o.
i can dig it. my first guest tonight is a grammy and emmy-winning musician, actor, and now talk show host. please welcome our friend harry connick jr. ? ? ? ( applause ) ? i like the way you smile ? >> thank you very much. thanks, man. thank you. >> stephen: welcome to the show! >> thanks. just say that, that guy, i've known jon batiste a long time. people ask me all time what i think about different musicians. maybe it was because of when i was a judge on "idol," they always want to know what i think. that guy is the real deal. he can. ( cheers and applause ) he is the real deal. and your band is amazing, too. ( applause ). >> stephen: i actually, i knew that opinion of you, because i
from your album in 2007. and you've got this really nice thing you said about jon. would you just mind reiterating a little bit of that? >> sure. it says shorty and kid brought a friend along i young kerr i had met before named jonathan batiste. he is a 19-year-old piano player attending juilliard. i hadn't heard him yet. i was in the control room while the otherrifies were looking over. he came in the studio while we were doing a record. >> jon: that's right. >> a on-- just hanging out playing. and i have never asked another piano player to play on my record because why would i do that? and he played, and i said, "hey, would you play this tune with us." >> jon: oh, yeah, it was like... ? ? ? ( cheers and applause ).
that level of musicianship on your show. it really is. >> stephen: now, you were just down in baton rouge. was it just yesterday? >> last night. >> stephen: playing a benefit for the people affected by the flooding down there. >> that's right. >> stephen: what are the conditions down there now? are people still displaced? >> oh, yeah, so many people lost everything they had. they had a benefit, and randy jackson, who is from baton rouge, and i hosted this event. aaron neville was there, a lot of local louisiana talent. it was the least i co >> you raised $800,000 in one nice. so that was really nice of you. >> it's really cool. >> stephen: you don't live down there anymore. i understand you live in connecticut. >> i do. i live in connecticut. >> stephen: from new orleans to connecticut. >> you think. >> stephen: you could live anywhere you want. you're harry connick jr., man. why live in connecticut? >> i lived in new york for a while. when i was 18 i moved up here. and then i met my wife, and after we got married we decide we wanted to sort of being in the new york area. because she's from texas so --
louisiana. let's meet in the middle. new york. >> yeah, connecticut, right? ( laughter ) but we wanted to be close to the city and be able to raise our kids so i could still come and go from new york. so we decided on connecticut. >> stephen: is there anything-- when you're back home-- because i went down to new orleans with jon-- is there anything you've got to have when you first get there, something you have to say, something you have to eat? what's the first thing you have to do? >> every time gii tell myself i'm not going to eat the food because i have to watch what i eat, you know. and i there's restaurants -- jonathan knows all of these places like medina's, and oh, my god, surrey's for breakfast. >> stephen: where he took me was, i want you to get some seafood from a gas station. >> oh, yeah. where did you take him? >> jon: we were on run, so we had to dp to the quicki-mart. >> you don't want to tell a bad,
>> stephen: it was good. it was shrimp po boys, 10 gallons of diesel and po boys. >> i think they use the excess to inject that into some people's faces, just straight up botulism. >> stephen: is there-- you started playing when you were five, right, professionally? >> more or less. >> stephen: more or less? >> i mean -- >> it says five there. it says five. >> that's but my dad -- >> they're telling me i'm right about your life over there. >> did you a good job, good job. >> stephen: what was the first song you learned? >> well, the first song i probably played of probably the the first song jon played "the saints go marching in." that's just a song everybody plays. but my dad was the district attorney of new orleans, and he was opening his campaign headquarters and my mom really wanted me to play. my dad probably juan as enthusiastic to have his
"the star spangled banner" and i remember looking out at the crowd when i finished and people were aplawgd, probably more for the novelty of a five-year-old playing than any great musicianship. and i said, man, i have to get more of this and i haven't stopped yet. >> stephen: you got the itch. >> stephen: for sure. >> stephen: can i ask you about when the saints go marching in." i was listening to that the other day because i heard that was the first song you had play. is that about the the apocalypse. marching in. is it when the saints go to heaven on judgment day? >> i don't pay a lot of attention to lyrics. it's not really my sing. i just sing what's on the page, man? i don't get real heavy, you know. you might be right. >> stephen: i don't know, there is lyrics about the moon turning to blood and stuff like that. i'm not joking. >> like "the star spangled banner is like that." there are all these verses. you get to six and you're like
>> stephen: you're a briltd musician. you're a well-known actor. why talk show host? what does this allow you to do that you haven't been able to do before? >> the thing about this show, it's a daytime show. we shoot it not too far from here on 57th street. it's going to be a party right in the middle of the day. you guys have all the fun in the night time. >> stephen: a party in the middle of the day? >> you can imagine that. it's going to be awesome. we're going to have music, "man on the street" stuff. justin and going to bring a lot of comedy to it. i have my band. my actual band i tour with will be there. i'm hosting the show but i'm also the band leader, too. so there's going to be a ton of music, and it's going to be very unscripted. and the whole idea behind it is that it's a party. a lot of people, unfortunately, go to bed before this terrific show comes on. so they have to watch -- >> they're all weak.
( cheers and applause ). >> i'm awake. so they have the dvr, and watch it after the fact. we're going to bring the late-night party right to the middle of the day. >> stephen: a little day drinking? >> i'm telling you. hey, man, you've been to the gas station in new orleans and had the po boy. good time you. >> stephen: have wife and daughters? >> yes. >> stephen: have they given you any advice on how to appeal to women? because that's the large au the female audience. >> it is. is and i have been surround by incredible women my whole life, my mother, my sister is a lieutenant colonel in the army. my wife -- >> really? older sister or younger? >> older sister. >> stephen: does she tell you what to do? >> well, she's a psychiatrist and an internist, so she's a lot smarter than i am. and whatever she tells me is usually the right thing. but i've had all these incredible women in my life, so we're going to do a segment called "harry's leading ladies"
things, great and small, young and old. we're going to celebrate them. we're going-- a lot of show will be dedicated to women because i feel so indebtedded to these strong women who have been in my life. ( cheers and applause ). >> stephen: well, harry, thank you so much. before we go, before we go, you're you're a singer. do you have any advice for a guy who is losing his voice? >> you could do what i do when is lip sync. >> stephen: let's do it right now. you read off that. i'll talk into i'll move my lips and you just say those words. >> okay, ready, go? the show "harry" premieres september 12. harry connick jr., everybody. when we come back, we follow
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( applause ) >> stephen: hey, everybody! welcome back. you know, ladies and gentlemen, because it's been almost 10 minutes since i mentioned him-- donald trump. he's got a bit of a problem right now with some voters. a lot of people think he might be a racist. and then there are the people who don't vote for him. that may explain why this recent p.p.p. poll had his p-p-popularity with african american voters at 0%. which can only mean one thing: amrosa is not registered to vote. trump spent one day courting the black vote in detroit with former neurosurgeon, and black
dr. carson grew up in detroit and gave trump a tour of his old stabbing grounds. ( laughter ) unfortunately, unfortunately-- it was a fun story about six months ago. unfortunately, ben carson got a little distracted. >> in order for our country to be great again, every aspect has to be great, including our inner cities. >> and we just saw mr. trump here. i asked him how did it go? and he said great, he learned a lot of things. what do you think he took away from today? >> oh, my luggage. hold on. >> okay, it looks like dr. carson is going to try and find his luggage, and he'll be right back with us. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> stephen: now, it's unclear where dr. carson left his luggage, but my money's on inside one of his patients.
now, donald trump's trip to detroit culminated in his vision and his visit to an african american church, where he sat in on a service and even swayed awkwardly to gospel music. it's his signature dance move: shift a little left, shift a little right. same thing he does with his immigration policy. ( applause ) but before the service began, trump sat down with bishop wayne t. johnson for an interview that will air next week on the church's tv channel. and while i haven't seen it yet, i can tell you exactly how it went, because the bishop sent in what questions he was going to ask, and the trump campaign scripted all of trump's answers in advance. which means it wasn't so much an interview as it was a play, like
earnestness. or "look back in anger," and looking forward pretty much, too. or like "much ado about nothing" except... actually, that title works. still, it does seem odd that the trump campaign pre-wrote the entire interview in advance. here to comment, live via satellite, is trump spokesperson jennifer alderson. jennifer, thank you so much for joining us. ( applause ) thank you very much, miss thank you for being here. >> great question, stephen. yes, trump was excited for a chance to reach out to voters of color. >> stephen: okay, but i didn't ask you anything yet. >> don't believe those wild rumors, stephen. mr. trump's answers were spontaneous and off-the cuff. >> stephen: would you please put down the cards and just answer my questions honestly? >> great question. owls are mr. trump's favorite birds, because they look really smart, particularly when they're
( laughter ) >> stephen: wait. let me just be clear about something-- i thought i was going to ask you his favorite bird. >> ha, ha, ha. that's a great limerick, stephen. i didn't think you could find another rhyme for nantucket. ( laughter ) >> stephen: okay, i'll tell you what, let's wrap this up. clearly, you're not going to give me any spontaneous answers. >> why would i give you any spontaneous answers when i can just read from this script? >> stephen: wait, wait, did you question? >> yes, donald trump's favorite mammal is the manatee, because if you squint, they kind of look like mermaids. >> stephen: and if you squirt they do, too. >> whatever you want! ( laughter ) ( applause ) ( cheers ) thank you, thank you. >> stephen: look at the camera, not at me.
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( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, everybody! welcome back to our broadcast already in progress. my next guest is a very talented director whose last movie, "selma," was nominated for an academy award. she now has a new series on the oprah winfrey network called "queen sugar." >> how long you been gone? you ain't been gone that long.
it's done? >> how it's done has to be your way, ain't that right? i've been trying to help, but for some reason, you have been blocking me at every turn. >> we don't honor our fathers bay sitting friends and family outside fancy tables. we don't honor our fathers by having strangers serve those grieving. we serve comfort food to those who need comfort and we do it with our own hands. that's how our family does it in the past! >> stephen: please welcome, ava duvernay! ? ? ? ( applause ) ( cheers and applause ). >> thank you. hello. >> stephen: hello. >> how are you? >> stephen: good, how have you been? >> i look well.
because we met for the first time eye understand you remember where we met, and it wasn't that long ago. >> it wasn't that long ago. we met-- and i was just very kind of overcome because it's stephen colbert, and i'm a big fan. ( cheers and applause ) and he looked-- i went up to him, i introduced myself. and he said, "yeah, okay." >> stephen: no way! >> i said, "i'm going to be on your show." and he said, "i'll know who you are by that time." that's what you sai it was nice. >> stephen: please tell me i was nicer than that about it. >> you were funny mean, but it was good. but we were at the white house. >> stephen: it was the president's birthday party. >> it was the president's birthday party. and it was a really cool time. >> stephen: when was a very good party. >> it's the best party. what other kind of party do you want to be at. >> stephen: paul mccartney leaned over to me at one point and said, "it doesn't get better than this." and i thought you would know how good things can get.
cool and i was really happy to meet you. but i have a little story to tell about the party. i don't know if i should tell it because it was a top-secret party. >> stephen: you had to turn in your phone before you walked in. >> they took your phone. they took your i.d. you had to go through clearance to get into the party. anyway, we were in this story. i've never told this story and i'm telling it on national tv. everyone who is anyone is at this party. >> stephen: it's a fun group of people. >> everyone's there, so at one point -- >> and it's super casual, too. you're the white house. >> it's the the best party, good music, good food. at one point a little break, a little dance battle starts between usher and janelle monae. and you're watching and wonder category this be? and you're dancing and you're like it can't get better than this. and you see potus, and flotus. and you're like it can't get better than this. and then who steps into the middle of the dance battle? this one.
like this and... ( cheers and applause ) >> it was fun. >> everyone fell out, just fell flat out. then ellen jumped in. >> stephen: uh-huh. >> then paul mccartney jumped in. and i was just like, my eyes, i don't know where to look. >> stephen: and chance the rapper, too. >> epic. >> stephen: it was a peak feeling, i'll tell you. >> you started it. >> stephen: when janelle monae put her hat on my head-- you were in the groove. >> stephen: i had a flirtation with cool. >> it was very cool. it was very cool, yeah. >> stephen: well, you've got a new show on the oprah winfrey network called "queen sugar." what is the show about? >> it's about family. it's about these three siblings who have to come back to their family's land when their father passes away. it's about them all reconciling their own individual identities when they have to come together and stand as a family.
>> plantation is a little much. we don't like that word "plantation." farm, farm, we're gentle. plantation gives me ideas that i'd rather not have. >> stephen: it's not a happy word in some parts of the world. >> no, no. yeah, so a sugar cane farm. the father was a black farmer, kind of the last of a certain breed in this country. it's a lot about the land. but it's really. this family and the messiness and beauty of our family. everyone sees a bit of themselves in it. >> stephen: oprah is one of the right? >> coproducer of show. she basically gave me the room to make the show i wanted to make. it's nice when your friend opens the network. >> stephen: do you like working with her? >> i do. she's pretty cool to work with. >> stephen: she's one of those people when you meet her you dp, this isn't hype. >> she has a sweetheart. >> stephen: she gave me a basket of avocado. >> you must have said you liked them or something. >> stephen: no, she just
>> from her own garden. >> stephen: from her own garden. >> and the best tasting you ever had. >> stephen: and i got to keep the basket. >> so generous. >> stephen: this is an exciting thing. you have also been tapped to do a huge production for disney. you're going to do one of my favorite books from my childhood, "a wrinkle in time." and you're going to direct a big-budget. >> what an honor. a classic book loved throughout the generations. it was written in 1963. it's about a littl travels the world in search of her father and in the process finds herself. really, really gorgeous. so we start shooting that this fall. >> stephen: you said in making "queen sugar" that you want to make this an opportunity for other african american directors. what do you mean by that? >> african american directors, women directors. our whole directorial team is women which is a big deal in hollywood because. ( cheers and applause ) thank you. it's a big deal in hollywood because they kind of try to keep us out, you know.
so talented, so vibrant, had so much to share, and had been trying to get job after job in television and have had the door closed. so we opened the door and invited them and made beautiful episodes and they're bad ass. >> stephen: thank you so much for being here. good luck with the show. >> i appreciate it. >> stephen: next time you jump out and dance with us it too. >> stephen: the two-night premiere of "queen sugar" is tonigh the oprah winfrey network. we will be right back with a performance by grouplove. ? ? ? was a dinosaur spy... flying... i wanna show you my fierce moves now. ? ? uh, robot space look... cool. they have hearts on the knees! i love being me, and everyone should love being theirselves.
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great again". but
trump made his shirts in bangladesh. his ties in china. and his suits in mexico. in fact, the real donald trump outsourced his products and jobs to 12 different countries. so don't believe the hat. you can't make america great again, if you don't make things in america. >> stephen: here performing "welcome to your life," ladies and gentlemen, grouplove! ( cheers and applause ) ? ? ? >> ? we're back in business you're such a big mess ? and i love you yeah, i love you ? we're back in business
? and i love you yeah, i love you >> ? mean man, promise land nothing but a devil's hand ? trying to keep saying i feel okay ? telling myself this now for days ? mean man, machine man i've been nothing but ? a puppets hand but nothing ever comes ? without a change welcome to your life, yeah, yeah ? it could be a fantasy, yeah, yeah ? welcome to your world, my girl let it be your fantasy, oh yeah >> ? we're back in business you're such a big mess ? and i love you
? we're back in business you're such a big mess ? and i love you la la, love you >> ? been wondering, i take a chance ? that chance of circumstance cause nothing ever comes without ? a change ? welcome to your life, yeah, yeah ? it could be a fantasy, yeah, yeah ? welcome to your world, my girl let it be your fantasy, oh yeah >> ? yeah, i've figured it out, i've seen it all ? like a shot in the dark i'll carry you home ? ask one's man he'll say what's been done ? all the roads in this world were made by the young
? ? ? >> ? hey, here's the deal we're back in business ? hey, here's the deal we're back in business ? hey, here's the deal you're such a big mess ? and i love you yeah, i love you ? welcome to your, welcome to your ? welcome to your world, my girl let it be your fantasy, oh yeah ? welcome to your life, yeah, yeah ? it could be a fantasy, oh,
and if you
don't think washington has changed chuck grassley, try and ask him. the senate is broken. why are you leading all the obstruction? if you get your way and defund planned parenthood, where am i going to get my cancer screenings? if i'm paying more for medicine because your medicare plan passes, how do i afford that? are you even listening? i approved this message because, chuck, you've stopped working for iowa. >> stephen: that's it for the "late show" everybody. tune in tomorrow when my guests will be whoopie goldberg, regina hall, and captain "sully" sullenberger. now stick around for james corden and his guests, zach woods, robert winston, and edgar ramirez goodnight! captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by