tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC February 24, 2013 10:00pm-11:00pm PST
>> you're a monster, macfarlane! aarrgghh! >> run. he's fast! >> aarrgghh! >> white people. >> from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live" after the oscars. tonight, channing tatum and jamie foxx and matt damon and oprah winfrey and many more in "movie the movie." presented by crown royal. now, the envelope please. here is jimmy kimmel!
>> thank you very much. hi, everybody. thank you for watching. thank you for being here. this is our eighth annual after the oscars special. i'm your host, jimmy kimmel. this show is to the oscars what ikea is to furniture. a little flimsy, but it will do. i thought -- did you like the oscars tonight? i thought it was a pretty good show. a very nice job hosting but she had a four-long tv show be able to give out awards for editing? i say no. this is the 85th annual academy awards. 85 is the average weight of the women on the red carpet. instead of asking who are you wearing, they should ask when are you eating? one of these years, some poor starving actress will take a bite out of a microphone and everybody will be sorry. the dolby is across the street
here. they confiscated both cans of my aquanet this morning. you have to have almost every big celebrity in the world in one building. something were to happen we would have to give awards to real housewives instead of movie stars, god forbid. and did i do that consciously? i'm sorry. in case you're wondering how to pronounce the name of the musical hugh jackman started in this year, you pronounce it like this. >> les miserables." >> could we have that one more time? >> les miserables." >> thank you, john travolta! that can't be possibly how you say it, can it? is that how you say it, guillermo? >> yes, jimmy. >> a lot of hype leading up to
oscar night. campaigning and predicting and speculating and creative ways like this in tonight's edition is "how is this news?" >> the numbers show men are more likely to wave their statues in the air. >> a lot of red carpet coverage for the fifth consecutive year, ryan seacrest the best award for animated short. e-net started the countdown at 10:30 a.m. seven full hours before the broadcast started and they kicked things up a notch. they call this the countdown to the red carpeted. they had an animal trainer to stop by and demonstrate how tigers can do a stunt like in "life of pi." the trainer and name is andy which i think is a terrible name for a trainer but he had the situation under control. >> you will only see this live
on e! throw me in willy-nilly. oh, i have to be quiet? oh, god. why? >> we will do another one. >> no, i think that is good. >> oh, my god, did you see that? >> that's good. >> give her a second. hey, call her. call her. no, no, no! no! >> eat it. eat it. >> no. call her. get closer. no. >> what is happening? she is just confused. >> she is confused? >> she now knows, she now knows -- hey, get her in there! >> and that is why we cgi. how great would it have been if the it tiger got loose and ate juli anna? i had argo for best picture and daniel day lewis for best actor and ernest borgnine.
anne hathaway gave one of the best performances of year and all people want to talk about is her nipples in that dress. they almost poked through the dress. you have to sand those down! this is a big event. jennifer lawrence won the award for best actress. tonight is the only night they are actually happy about it. it's crazy. argo won best picture and ben affleck wasn't nominated for best director. next year he said get a nomination for whatever he directs. even if it's yoga pants. if you see one movie this year about an elderly man wiping the spit off his bed-ridden wife's space for three hours in french, this is the one. one of my favorite moves of the year was "life of pi." it's visually unbelievable. he won best director for it
tonight, ang lee. he they announced a sequel in the works and wouldn't you know it? we happen to have a sneak preview. ♪ >> my name is psy, p-s-y. i have been in a ship wreck. i'm alone on a life boat alone with a tiger. and a boom box that only plays one song. a very, very annoying song. please send help. ♪ ♪ gangnam style gangnam style ♪ ♪ gangnam style hey ♪
>> life of psy, he is dead now. no more. >> so the academy awards are officially over. the red carpet has been rolled up. the ten foot tall oscar statues back to standing guard around elton john's bed. we will be back to watch "lie witness news." and "the moviee to be" are on the way so, please, come back. ♪ come on back. ♪
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♪ welcome back to "jimmy kimmel live" after the oscars. it was a very big night for white guys with tonytails, that is for sure. those who didn't win oscars didn't go home empty handed. the losers got a gift basket valued at more than $45. they were condoms in there and bottles of tequila and acupuncture sessions. so it is the most confused animal on the planet right now. many have opinions on the oscars and even who activihaven't seenf the movies. we sent a camera crew on a hollywood boulevard on friday. this is a full two days before the oscars aired. they hadn't finished rolling the red carpet out. there is no possible way anyone could have an opinion on how the oscars went but that didn't stop them from giving one in a special oscar edition of "lie
witness news." >> the big night is over. what did you think of the oscars? >> oh, honestly i love the way that they sort of revamped it this year. i think the new producers were sort of a great change and all of the tributes they did to the previous years. nice to see some of them get acknowledged. >> the big night is over. what did you think of the oscars? >> i thought it was amazing. i thought it was a really good performance by all of the people. >> what was your favorite part of the night? >> i would have to say the -- the best picture award. "the word" was really cool. >> which picture? >> what? >> which one won best picture? >> i couldn't tell you. >> what happened when the power went out? >> oh, my god. everybody was like, oh, my god is this one of those big earthquakes? i was nurves aervous and when t
lights came back on, it was really good. >> what was your favorite part of the oscars? >> helen hunt. the girl has got it going on. >> how do you think queen latifah did as host? >> she is beautifully. a very beautiful woman. >> what did you think of the acceptance speech? >> it went on too long. i just got up and left. >> where were when you got up and left? >> in my bedroom. i had to go to the kitchen. >> what did you think of barbra streisand slip dress? >> there will be wardrobe malfunctions every now and then. hopefully, parents put the hands over their kids' eyes. it was huge. >> what did you think of the oscars? >> the oscars, man, they got nothing going on. man, this is -- i like mary j. blige. >> the big night is over. what did you think of the oscars? >> seriously?
they haven't done them yet. they didn't do them yet. >> be honest. are you drunk? >> yes. i've had a few! ♪ >> where is their award for acting? where are they are gift baskets full of condoms and acupuncture? a bad combination, by the way. we have an excellent show for you tonight. channing tatum and jamie foxx are here. we will be right back with more stars than you could possibly eat in this. >> [ screaming ] ♪ >> they are too sexy! >> "movie the movie 2v." >> the long anticipated sequel to "movie the movie," is next. we will be right back! ♪
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♪ welcome back to our after the oscars special. i'm james jimmy kimmel on the program. coming up jamie foxx and channing tatum. i just got word from their representatives they both promised to get naked on the show. last year on our show after the oscars we had a trailer for the best picture not ever made
called "movie the movie." it's been viewed like 30 million or 40 million times. when you have a big success in hollywood there is only one reasonable thing you can do and that is cheaping it with a sequel. with that said i give you the world premiere for the trailer of "movie the movie 2v." >> we thought our lives were normal. we thought our world was safe. but then they came. sexy vampires. >> hey! >> sexy zombies. sexy mummies and sexy leprechauns. >> kiss the rainbow. >> i don't want to breathe on your faces. [ screaming ] >> when our planet is ravaged by
lust. >> surrender! attack! >> only one man stands between us and annihilation. >> attack by what? >> everything. >> i know i should run but they just started dreaming. take me! >> girls and their weird moms don't stand a chance. >> assemble the team. >> starring jarrod butler a man searching for his daughter. >> where is my daughter? i want you now and i will make you pay. oh, never mind. >> ryan grandson has a brilliant onless piano performance.
>> and john krisinski as a hero born from tragedy. this is the murder of his parents while getting splashed in the face with acid. >> no! >> and bitten by a radioactive cocktail shrimp. >> ah! no! >> and on that night, i swore vengeance. on that night, i became the shrimp! >> get me the president. >> madam president, you have a call. >> who is it? >> jimmy kimmel. >> kimmel? >> hello, madam president, we have -- she is probably busy, you know? the network. the country and everything. >> yeah. >> when the world plunges into
chaos. >> for those of you just joining us, we are all going to die. tweet us your thoughts. we would love to hear from you. >> one man will unite them all. >> this is the greatest team ever assembled. the likes of which have never before seen on film, like you, handsome futural inspiration from a low public income school. >> i'm not giving up on these kids! >> and you, nerdy girl who takes off her glasses and turns super hot. >> and, creepy twin girls possessed by satan. and you, magical boy robot which teaches his family the true meaning of christmas. >> the real gift is in our hearts! >> or you, cji gopher with a voice of a black person,
obviously, written by a white person. >> word up, homey. who is the skateboy? >> who is ready to go kick some sexy macho ass? yeah, you burn me! >> the shrimp is done. witness the ultimate battle. >> aarrgghh! >> oh. >> stop! let us not fight. let us love. ♪ maybe it's the love that we share ♪ >> no! no! >> what's up? >> in our darkest hour. >> too sexy! just too sexy, jimmy! >> when all hope is lost comes a
blatant attempt to win an academy award by salma hayek and salma hayek. >> one night is all. >> i love me so much! >> featuring a revolutionary motion capture performance by matt damon eating a sandwich! >> i'm eat ago sandwich. >> a big sandwich! >> biggest sandwich? >> faster. >> am i doing it right? oh. are you going to make that a [ bleep ]? such a big [ bleep ]? [ bleep ] kimmel? >> in the end, all that can save us is a film adaptation of a hit broadway musical. ♪ have sex
have sex all you can ♪ ♪ have sex have sex like a man ♪ >> a break dancing musical. sometimes the only way to fight sexy is with sexy. >> release the tatum! >> this arbor day, witness the incredible true story based on a tweet by gary busey. >> stead! >> and the best selling board game. >> now! >> django! >> "movie the movie 2v." >> no!
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the year and had a busy hollywood boulevard crosswalk to be with us tonight and action thriller "white house down" premiers june 28th. please say hello to channing tatum and jamie foxx! ♪ everybody looks so swell. all right. calm down, you animals! >> hilarious. how are you doing? thanks for coming over. i know you had to ditch the governor's ball to be here tonight. >> governor who? >> the governor's ball.
>> no interest? >> no. >> did you have fun at the show? was it a fun event? >> i don't really remember very much of it, to be honest. like i was just trying to not to break charlie's throne. >> you should never break charlie's throne. a thing you should is not do. how pregnant is your wife? >> really pregnant. >> you tell her you got to go rehearse the tango or whatever you did with charlize. >> she is giving me notes and is an actual performer. i would come home and the first time ever for me dancing in front of a crowd without my wife. >> and with clothes on. >> that's true, that's true, that's true. >> but you did well. you felt like it went well? >> it's weird having clothes on actually. >> it's so uncomfortable, isn't it? >> speaking of not having clothes on. jamie, this is the elephant in the room literally. django, prosthetic or just
gigantic? >> just gigantic. you know? release hounds! no, it was crazy. >> i always want to say the striptease you did was very tasteful. >> you saw it? >> i saw magic mike. i thought it was great. actually, i think both of your movies were great. i thought "21 jump street" was a great movie too. >> thanks. >> it's a shame they did not give you an award. >> it's really nuts. really nuts. like small nuts. just small nuts. just small nuts. >> now, which one of you won the oscar for ray? i forget. >> i was really hard on that one. >> jamie, up acceptance speech. your performance in the movie was great but it may have been topped by your acceptance speech at the oscars. >> yeah, listen. i had it -- that moment was amazing. my grandmother had passed away
just the year before and had put so much work in to make sure i did the right thing. so that night, i was just -- i was overwhelmed. if you notice, though, there was a little bit of how would you saw? my pimp game was still intact. >> because grandma would want it! >> my pimp game was intact. i acknowledged halle berry. all of the emotions, halle was like this. but it's so much fun. i don't know how you feel. but what is amazing to be in the audience and seeing all of your favorite actors like up close. i sat next to tommy lee jones and i just wanted so badly go the fugitive, my name is dr. richard kimball. go get him! i don't know if you know that. i just wanted to say that so bad! >> i'm sure he loved hearing that. >> i know he probably did. >> from you, it would probably be okay. >> i would like to impersonate
merril streep but kind of nervous. >> probably not a great idea although she probably would have been okay with that. >> she would have just laughed and then leave me alone, leave me alone. >> get out of here, crazy boy. >> are you going to oscar parties after this? or is this it? >> i'm not sure. i have a pregnant wife. we will see what the pregnant button -- there is a pregnant butt button. when the button goes off, you just go home. >> jamie, will you be making anyone pregnant tonight? [ cheers ] >> stomp twice for that. >> i put it on safety for now. >> how does it work? oscar night for most people is a special night. all of these parties but for you, it's like tuesday. >> i'm good. even back in the day when we did ray, i was so excited. it was like -- like people didn't see me for me at the time. it was like i looked even better
at that time when i was nominated and i call it the mist. like i had this mist around me so all i did was -- not girls numbers but, i mean, i got certain phone numbers. >> women's numbers? >> women's numbers, yeah. it was just so much fun. i see -- i see it like a big party, you know? a lot of fun. >> you see everything as like a big party, i think, right? and then at the end, how late will it go? i'm always interested in your life and how it goes. will you then say at the end of the vanity fair party, everybody come to my house. >> i didn't go to the vanity fair party with "ray". i will my homey throw me another party because i didn't want to make a scene like i knew i was going to win. he threw the party on his name and i didn't go. it was a little more -- like guys in there without social security numbers. like my hood friends, do you know what i'm saying? i remember walking in with the oscar and homey said, give me
that. take a picture of this, take a picture with this! >> and people were -- people were -- there was a lot of going on. i remember losing my oscar and seeing my oscar like sitting there like, what is going on? it was like a gnome commercial taking a picture with a gnome and you see where it is and smoking out of your oscar? >> yeah. >> my oscar had jumped off the stand and was trying to catch a cab. but there is fun in it and at the same time, there is an opportunity to make business happen. so it's like you see a lot of people that you want to see. i saw steven spielberg. >> i bet you made a lot of business happen. >> oh, probably happen. >> you know, but it was clean business. >> you're going to -- you're going to go start shooting a movie pretty soon. you're going over to london. i heard you tell ryan seacrest on the red carpet you're having your baby in london.
>> jen is actually working and coming over pretty much almost four weeks before she is going to have the baby to london and i hope it doesn't pop out with a weird accent. >> yeah. >> baby talking like madonna or something? >> what is happening? >> the baby will not be able to be president of the united states. did you know that? >> could be a mayor. >> could be a mayor? that is shooting pretty low, though, isn't it? >> he could be a mayor. >> could you be a governor? >> yeah, that's what i meant. >> you could be a governor. interesting to have your child in another country. and not even in a military type situation where they say, okay. maybe do and that have the baby on a military base. we have to make this kid american somehow. >> yeah. >> catch it in an american flag. [ laughter ] >> flapping in the wind. >> did you guys meet on the set of the new movie?
is that when you first met? >> i think i might have met you once before and then -- but yeah, pretty much. he came off of "django" right into "white house down. >>." how much time in between them? >> zero. i went from being a slave to the president. >> wow! >> do you know what is crazy? let's be honest, man. i have not have that many women call me to try to be on a set in my life! jamie, what did you shoot? you know who i'm shooting a movie with. even my daughter, he was so gracious. he ichated. what you call it? skyped. my daughter, 18-year-old, 19-year-old now, but 18 at the time. he skyped her and said, what is up? i heard her -- whatever she does her instagram.
>> women become fertile which chatting is around. >> it's true. >> we will take a quick break here. the new movie comes out june 28th is called "white house down." channing tatum and jamie foxx are here! ♪ jimmy kimmel live after thes a cores presented by crown royal. reminding you to reign on responsibly. [ male announcer ] when ziggy the cat appeared at their door,
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they have a new movie called "white house down." it comes out on june 28th but is probably a good idea to start getting in line now. what is the movie about? you play a president. >> yeah, i play a president but i don't play president obama. i just want to make people -- because everybody was saying i was doing obama and i do do obama but, i mean, not in this movie. i do an empercent nation. >> african-american they say jamie fox, people will buy this? >> of course. and if there is any doubt it's america is not the most
incredible country in the world and yeah. >> imitations of obama always sound like a black guy imitate ago wyatt ghite guy. >> that is true. you play a secret service agent? >> i try to. i do not make the grade. >> is it one of those sexy secret service agents that are going around in colombia and making love to their -- >> yes -- no -- no. i have a weirdly three-piece suit on. >> you can't get away from being sexy. one scene he felt weird. remember, he was shooting a begun gun in the elevator? you have roland emmerich shot every big movie in the world. i say trust it. it seemed like it went quick. like this. and cut. they run it back in slow motion, it was like this.
even i was like that's good. it's like but what i did tell him is this. i said his spirit, his spirit was so cool. he didn't understand. like he is such a big star. but the way they captured him in the film, man. >> you loved working with him. >> yeah, i was always clowning. >> he was like, man, flex the bicep. remember, flex the bicep? >> one point a shot he takes two guns and he does this. i said, no, bro, flex the thing. and all of that. >> it seems like you have a bond, the two of you. >> i have a bond. and it's something about just -- i just love working with channing. >> yes.
>> and you say his name and it feels euphoric. >> his name? >> yeah, channing tatum. it's like -- it's like aloha. >> what? >> it means hello and good-bye. this is channing tatum. great name, ladies. it's such a great name and it means so many wonderful things. do you mind if i use a piano. >> no, no, no. >> to just show you? >> i don't mind if you use the piano at all. ♪ >> i hope i don't embarrass you, man. we got a little crown royal here and everything like that. >> oh, nice. >> to get you to move. >> thank you, guillermo.
>> working with channing was cool and i just felt something in that name and i wanted to do a song and maybe we could put this on itunes. the song is like. ♪ i see a pretty lady across the bar she smiles at me and gets right in my car ♪ ♪ i know i want channing over her tatum all over her tatum ♪ >> no, no, no, no. wait what does that mean? what does that mean? that sounds dirty, man. we are on tv right now. >> no, no, it's not dirty at all. it's almost spiritual. it's clean. >> it's not dirty, you say? >> not at all. no. can i go on? >> yeah. go on. >> we are guest stars. ♪ if you picking up a latte at the coffee shop and the lady puts whip cream
all over the top ♪ ♪ you snow she is channing all over your tatum tatum ♪ >> do another one. do another one. >> here is one more. ♪ when you're bearing blue jeans and you want to wear shorts ♪ ♪ you grab yourself some scissors and now you got shorts and you know you want channing all over your tatum ♪ >> wait a second! bad audience. i like that. >> channing! >> what does that even mean? you had jeans and now you have jorks? you want to do what all over my tatum? i don't really understand. >> channing all over your tatum. you know what? i love it. it's so true, too. it's like can i try one? >> yes. >> wait! all right, all right. >> 5, 6, 7, 8. ♪ it's oscar night i feel blessed
i got django as my special guest ♪ ♪ i want to channing all over your tatum ♪ >> that's nice. >> well done. >> i got another one too, i think. >> you know what? i think you should. let's rock this while we got this. y'all want some more of this? here we go. go deep. ♪ my mom worked hard to raise me right ♪ ♪ and now i want to channing all over her tatum ♪ >> what are you doing? that's my mom. that's my mom. you're going to channing all over my mom? >> no, i meant my mom. >> channing all over your mom. >> i'm sorry. i guess i didn't understand. i didn't mean to cause anybody
some problems. >> i'm just saying, you don't want to channing all over your tatum. >> get out of here. >> this is my show. i don't know if i can get out of here. >> you got to go right now. >> i will go, man. i'll stand in the corner here. >> yeah, you know? can we finish the song now? >> the show is almost over. >> could you -- can we finish this song right here? what we going to do? i think we need to finish at the time right way. ♪ because when jimmy kimmel tries to talk to me you know what ♪ ♪ i want channing all over ♪ >> that makes no sense. we will be right back. in theaters june 28th.
♪ ♪ channing all channing all over ♪ >> we've had a lot of fun here. you guys are a lot of fun. i think the ladies are excited too. >> i didn't get my tip. >> no tips were given. we're going to have a bucket on the way out. everybody is going to tip channing for what just happened during the commercial break. >> did you shoot that? you got to show that. >> will you come back every night? i think it would be a lot of fun. >> for sure. >> first, i want to thank the academy and jamie and channing and seth mcfarlane and 50 cent. i apologize to him. we didn't get to 50 cent.
we probably will be killed for this but we will air it tomorrow. [ mumblie ining ] >> 50, if you have any problems, talk to jamie. join us tomorrow night. we have our regular show at our regular time in my regular clothes. until then, thanks for watching. jamie, you want to sing a little more as we go off the air? yeah. ♪ channing all over chan channing all over ♪ ♪ channing all ♪ you want you on the floor you want channing tatum to give you more you know what ♪ ♪ you want channing all over tatum ♪ ♪ you want to do the dance it's about that time channing channing tatum is