tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC April 16, 2013 11:35pm-12:35am PDT
his was done in by his complete inability to dance. he tied in last place with andy dick who entered on a zip line. andy dick on a zip line sounds like some premium cocktail menu at ruby tuesdays. but it's andy dick on a zip line. my pick, zendaya scored 29 out of 30. i have to say i have never been more proud and more ashamed at the same time, but i have money on it. the best celebrity of the night, when i heard about this show i thought this might be the dumbest idea ever. and i was right, it is the dumbest idea ever. tonight on the celebrity diving show, splash. you've been watching the show, and you almost certainly haven't, you know that last week comedian louie anderson was eliminated
from the competition. and yet tonight, there he was right back on the diving board again. never before, ladies and gentlemen has he even attempted a 33-foot dive. >> jimmy: and by the way, he still hasn't. i think gravity gets credit for that one. i think my favorite part of the show is when the host and judges have to pretend that these terrible dives are actually good. here's what they had to say about louie's death plummet off the high dive. >> steve? >> that's probably a world
record. i don't know of any 400-pound person that's ever gone after a 10 meter platform. that's unbelievable. >> jimmy: that's right, guinness is going to have to check the numbers. one of the other contestants got hurt, which according to the rules means the last person eliminated comes back. there are no rules on this show. it's ridiculous. but anyway, he's supposed to have a diveoff because he's in the bottom two with brandi chastain. and if this wasn't a dramatic twist to end up a twists, i don't know how we can ever satisfy you people. >> louie, brandi you're in the diveoff. head on to the platform. >> hold on a second. i really went further than i ever thought i could. and i know i have very little
chance of winning this competition. and i am going home and i am going to defer to brandi because she has a chance to win this competition. >> that's a very sweet thing to do. very sweet. >> you won our hearts the first time you took a dive. tonight, you have our hearts forever. >> jimmy: that's good. i think he's going to need them. >> wow. what an incredible impromptu moment. it's almost like it wasn't completely scripted. so there you go, "splash." i have a feeling louie will be back next week, too. another man of significant carriage toronto mayor rob ford had an unfortunate incident yesterday. a cameraman for city tv news went in for a tighter closeup than usual.
>> excuse me, guys. >> jimmy: that's all right, pe has health care. look at the guy behind him smiling. i have a feeling that gentleman is soon to be unemployed. this appears to be true. a chinese businessman just purchased a $15 million iphone. and i would pay $1 million for someone to shove him in the pool with it. an easy way to tell if you're a terrible person is if you own a $15 million iphone. it has black diamonds. you know when you hold the button down to get siri. he gets oprah. this is the perfect phone for
anyone who wants to get mugged immediately after buying it. you can get it for $14,999, 950 if you sign a two-year contract. i'm not sure i would pay more than $5 million than a phone. but i have to admit, it's a beautiful phone. >> check out that $15 million phone cover. it's coated in 24 karat gold, includes 600 white diamonds and a black diamond. the owner wanted it included in this custom iphone design. >> well, there you go. put it in rice. it will be fine. i may have stumbled on the greatest animal-related youtube video ever. this took place at a crocodile park in the philippines. they also have snakes, birds and
winchester has found that some people can suffer symptom of withdrawal when they're forced to stay away from social media sites. this is why i'm not even on facebook. i update my high school yearbook manually with a pen. everyone knows somebody who's addicted to facebook. while dependence on social media may feel like a joke, it's serious. if you are addicted to online communication there is a product that can help. >> every year, millions of americans suffer debilitating anxiety and depression as a result of facebook or twitter addiction. if you're ready to quit, we're ready to help. cigarettes. we're here for you. >> jimmy: ask your doctor if cigarettes are right for you. yesterday, disgraced former
congressman weiner is considering a run from new york. a lot of people feel he's suffered enough. i'm declined to agree, but unfortunately his name is weiner, which means i'm wired to keep making fun of him. it's in my contract. he comes across as a guy who just really wants to come back to work. >> the primary victim here was my wife. she's the one i dishonored. she was the person that i deceived. i didn't want her to find out. and so i went on television and i was dishonest with the world at large. i should not have done that. but it's a reasonable question for people to ask. i guess what i would say to them is look at the fuller picture of anthony weiner and make your decision based on that. >> you took a picture of your weiner and you named it weiner? that's very stupid.
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a photograph of his bulge on, i think, twitter. and tonight, we thought this was a good subject for our game "the pedestrian question." we went on the street today, we asked random pedestrians a question. have you ever texted a naked picture of yourself. we'll meet some people. they'll say their name and where they're from. and then together we will guess if they've ever pulled a weiner. all right? let's begin. >> have you ever texted a naked picture of yourself to someone? >> jimmy: has this woman ever texted a naked picture of herself? almost everyone is saying yes. >> no. >> why not? >> no idea. >> jimmy: her eyes were moving a lot to the left and right. next one. >> eddie rice from texas. >> have you ever texted a naked picture of yourself to someone? >> yes. >> jimmy: really? i don't even think he's from this century.
all right, the audience -- almost unanimously believes eddie has texted a picture of himself naked. let's see. >> no. >> why not? >> no one wants to see that actually. >> jimmy: all right. he's humble. next up. >> kim and i'm from boston, massachusetts. >> have you ever sent anyone a naked picture of yourself. >> most everyone says no. there were three perverts in the third row saying yes. >> no. >> why not? >> why not? well, let me see. only person i've done that with is my husband. >> so you have done it. >> yes, i have. >> jimmy: she led us down one road and then just pulled it back. all right, let's see who else we have.
>> have you ever texted a naked picture of yourself to someone? >> yes. >> jimmy: now, why do you think yes? the big smile, the covering of the face? let's see. >> no. >> be honest. >> no. >> jimmy: i'm not sure i believe her. look at that guy with the sack in the background, by the way. should have grabbed him. he looks like trouble, doesn't he? all right. he's letting his pants. who else? >> jed from studio city. >> have you ever texted a naked picture of yourself to someone? >> yes. >> jimmy: jared looks looic a gu guy, he has a lot of tattoos. he looks comfortable with his body. perhaps a little too comfortable. let's see what jared says.
>> of course. very nice. your mom is going to be proud. >> jimmy: we don't necessarily need proof. if you say yes, we'll take your word for it. all right, let's move on. >> ma name is maria. i live here in los angeles. >> have you ever texted a naked picture of yourself to someone? >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: really? everyone says yes? what is it about her? maybe wishful thinking? let's look. >> yes. >> tell us about it. >> my girlfriend. i send them to her all the time. do you want to see them? awesome. i love you angela. >> yep, you're definitely naked. >> jimmy: angela is a lucky lady. you've got to come visit hollywood, by the way.
anyway, we have one more? >> my name is janet george. i live in kansas city, kansas. >> have you ever texted a naked picture of yourself to someone. >> jimmy: okay, as she ever texted a naked photograph of herself. some are nodding yes. but we do not seem to have a consens consensus. >> you know, i have. and when i text that naked picture, i didn't regret not one minute of it either. it was worth it, honey. >> jimmy: and if you want to see all the naked pictures, go to our show page on abc.com. tonight on the show from "once upon a time" jennifer morrison is with us. and we'll be right back with muscular mark wahlberg. ♪
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(jessica lee) ♪ and it's beautiful (woman) why walk 60 miles in the boldest breast cancer event in history? because your efforts help komen serve millions of women and men facing breast cancer every year. visit the3day.org to register or to request more information today. it was 3 days of pure joy. ♪ and it's beautiful >> jimmy: tonight on the program, you know her as emma swan on "once upon a time" jennifer morrison is with us. and a terrific band from our youth with a new album called "singles." new order is here.
tomorrow night on the show, the mighty harrison ford will be here and music with m83. our first guest is an oscar-nominated actor who transitions effortlessly from working with a foul-mouthed teddy bear to foul-mouthed humans. his new movie, the michael bay-directed comedy-action-drama "pain & gain" opens in theaters april 26th, please welcome, mark wahlberg. >> hey, bud. >> jimmy: good to see you. i'm sure you're very upset about what happened to your hometown>> it's horrible. please pray for all the people in boston. it's tough. actually, i was in new jersey yesterday with nacho and he was going to come here with me and
surprise you, but he had to go home today and check on everybody and make sure everything is good. >> jimmy: is everybody okay? >> everybody is okay. but we have some people we know that were affected by it. we've just got to do everything we can to help those families. we obviously have to do everything we can to protect our women and children and people in our country. it's crazy. >> jimmy: it's one of those things. when a hurricane or something happens, you know, there's nothing you can do about it. but when something happens intentionally, you go between being very sad and very angry. and it's very confusing, the whole thing. >> i just wanted to rush home today and hug my kids. crazy world we're lufing in. >> jimmy: it really is. and nacho, this is a terrible segue, is a friend who ate a lot of hot sauce on the show here. >> i took my 60-degree wedge and cut a divot out like that and he was going to eat it for you.
he was going to do his famous divot burger challenge. it was nice, fresh new jersey grass. we did a video and everything. i hit the shot and he tried to catch it. basically saying nacho lives off the land and hunts for his own food and he's so resourceful. and he missed the divot. he didn't catch it. >> jimmy: he's like a cow. >> but he really wanted to come. >> jimmy: he's shooting a reality show at your hamburger place, wahlburgers, right? >> yes. >> i tried to get my brother to put the divot burger on their menu but he won't go for it. >> jimmy: i have not had a chance to see "pain & gain" but everyone is raving about it. >> it's based on a true story, something that happened in the '90s where these bodybuilders tried to take a short cut to the american dream. they thought by doing this crime, they would able to become
rich and it just spirals out of control. it's so ridiculous that you have to continue to remind people it's a true story. we had to tone it down because it's so farfetched. >> jimmy: and there are people involved in this that's still around? >> my character is currently on death row in florida. >> jimmy: did he attend the premier? >> you take these bodybuilders and give them steroids and they think they're invincible. and these guys weren't the brightest guy in the world either. >> jimmy: do you think steroids has that kind of affect mentally on people. i'm concerned because you seem very muscular right now. >> that's all natural. it's funny because while i was training for the movie, i was 165 pounds for the first movie. i did four movies last year. i had to get as thin as possible. then this one i had to be as big as possible. i went from 165 to 212. then back down to 180 in 30
days. and then i went to s.e.a.l. training and did that movie after. >> jimmy: how do you get that much muscle without taking shots of something? >> eating 12 meals a day. >> jimmy: well, i do that. >> you have to eat the right meals, jimmy. chicken -- i started eating whatever i wanted. so i was eating pancakes, but i was developing my own supplement line. i had access to the scientists that gnc provided me. i was getting all the best ban-free substances. my blast and burn packs. i'm going to accepted ysend you that stuff. >> jimmy: we'll see what happens. >> i don't want you getting jacked up. but it's fun for the first three weeks eating whatever you want. then you feel like crap because you have a meal at 9:00. you go to bed, you wake up at 12:00 to eat again and you're full from the last meal. >> jimmy: you wake up specifically to eat? >> every time i wasn't work, if
i had a second, i took a nap. you work out in the morning and then all day you're either resting or eating. >> jimmy: wow, the napping and eating workout program. you're going to be a billionaire. >> thank god it was only for three months and then i was able to get my life back. >> jimmy: these aren't easy movies to make. you said you made four movies in one year? >> and they were all physically challenged. the last one being the most. but this one, you know, i was fascinated with the world of body building. first time i ever came to l.a. i went to gold's gym in venice. it's such an interesting culture. so dedicated and passionate. usually the only thing they think about the way they look. these characters came upset, if they were just a little bit more, a little more ripped. legs a little bit bigger. it was never enough. they didn't appreciate what they had. >> jimmy: the movie is called "pain & gain."
that pain is going to save your life. they remember that pain and it makes you stronger. what are you looking at tubby broad. don't eye me, boy. i'll be your stepfather in about a week. >> jimmy: normally there are a lot of explosions and robots and giants. >> michael bay and i are doing that next. i'm doing the new transformers movie with him. but he came from making small little movies, you know, bad boys was a movie that cost $10 million or $12 million. >> jimmy: did you stay and watch the movie? >> i did. you have to sit there and see it with an audience. the movie is just so outrageous. >> jimmy: is that the fun part of it, watching people react to the film? >> when it's good. when it's bad, you don't want to be anywhere around. even if it's free. people think, like, they should get some sort of refund for
their time. but it's crazy, because like the last -- i think the second to last time, when i was here for "ted" i saw the movie after with an audience in amsterdam. and a pot smoking teddy bear, people are yelling at the screen and really interacting the movie. >> jimmy: was it in dutch? >> they did just a good job of translating. normally american comedies don't work overseas. all they saw is this weed smoking teddy bear and prostitutes and they were thrilled. it was a big hit there. >> jimmy: was that the most liveliest screening you've ever been to? >> that one was, yeah. you see this movie, it's outrageous. what they did was so bizarre and crazy. they did some very bad things, too, but you can't help at laugh
what train wrecks these guys are. and those kids, that was my little gang. i recruit neighborhood kids. >> jimmy: and this is all true? >> all happened. >> jimmy: is there a place you can read this story. >> it was in the "miami new times" then they made a documentary about the case. it was one of the biggest cases in the history of florida, one of the longest trials. >> jimmy: how are your kids, are they behaving themselves? or are they like their father? >> they get crazy, but my wife is very strict. i'm a bit of a pushover, but my wife is very strict. >> jimmy: it's good to see you. thanks for coming. "pain & gain" opens april 26. be right back with jennifer morrison. [ female announcer ] dove has asked real women to try
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nights at 8:00 here on abc. please say hello to jennifer morrison. >> jimmy: how are you doing? >> i'm great. >> jimmy: i love that dress. >> i wanted to wear something bright today. >> jimmy: you did indeed. did you just get here from vancouver? you shoot the show in vancouver? >> we do. i just finished friday in vancouver and drove my car back, which is great. i love vancouver. it's a great place. >> jimmy: vancouver is a great place. very cold this time of year. >> that's one very true statement. it's always cold. we found different ways to deal with the cold. >> jimmy: you can't always be shot, especially on a fairy tale show, you can't be wearing a big parka all the time. >> no. we do that in between takes. we discover these things called hot shots or something. but they're these little things
that warm up. you peel them up and stick them to your clothes. getting dressed for me is an adventure. i have 12 of them. i have them in my armpits, down my pants. in my boots. >> jimmy: are they chemically activated? is it possible that they're magic? >> yes, maybe. yeah. listen, the thing that i don't understand about them, they do keep them much warmer, i mean, they do really help. we're always covered in them. but they kind of fluctuate in temperature. here's why this could sometimes be a problem. jennifer goodwin came to me and said i discovered a new way to stay warm. i said okay, this seems sneaky and excited. she says do you have them in front of your stuck. do you have them here in your
sto stomach in your kidneys. yes. she said i have them in a very special spot. as long as you're wearing underwear and tights you can find a special spot that's not touching your skin and it keeps you very warm. >> jimmy: it seems almost dangerous. >> jennifer and i will be in the corner and everyone knows what we're doing because their backs are turned and we're stuffing hot shots in our pants. but this is when temperature fluctuation is a problem. there are times when they all of a sudden get really hot. it doesn't matter if we're in a take, you are getting that hot shot out of your pants.
>> jimmy: that's got to be a great blooper reel. do you roll on that? >> we have great hot shot moment. >> jimmy: you drove from vancouver? why would you do that? >> technically, they relocate you when you get a job like this. so i have to drive myself to work. so i drove my car up there. and so i flew my mom up to vancouver to drive the car back with me. >> jimmy: so she can nag you the whole way sfwhak. >> my mom is an excellent driving companion. she really is. >> jimmy: what makes a good driving companion? >> i call her the mariano of driving. she comes in at 11th hour and seals the deal. >> jimmy: she's the closer. does she keep quiet or does she talk? >> no, we talk. we talk and crazy things come up. we talk about family. we talk about all sorts of things. i don't know. and then sometimes we're quiet. >> jimmy: is your mother available for other people to
drive with them? >> she's a great companion this way. the first night we stayed at the four seasons in seattle which was great. because it was a beautiful nice hotel. >> jimmy: a long two-hour drive and you decided you needed to pull over? >> exactly. it was because i wrapped at 10:00 p.m. and i wanted eed to a start on the drive. but then the next day we stayed not at a four spns we drove 850 miles. we get into this place. and there were stains on the bedspread and things on the floor. and we both kind of looked at each other like we're just not going to talk about it. we kind of got towels from the bathroom and hopefully the sheets are clean and we're going to hope it's okay. >> jimmy: su you survived. do you want to give the hotel a plug? a warning to fellow drivers? >> not going to mention that one. i don't want to get in trouble.
>> jimmy: by the way, speaking of being cooled, you're naked in this magazine. "allure" magazine in which really all you're wearing is your hand. >> i am wearing my hand, that's true. >> jimmy: i had a feeling you were going to make that whoo noise and you did. how did this come about? was this in the motel? >> no, there are no dirty sheets in that photo. i just really, really wanted to get a job on one of my favorite shows "girls." >> jimmy: well, this will get you in. i love that show. listen, this is not going to hurt, i tell you. who did this? i mean, whose idea was this? >> "allure" magazine, i think. >> jimmy: they said we would love you to get naked. you're like okay? >> i'm saying yeah, let's do it.
i'm more naked than i felt. here's the reality -- sorry. >> jimmy: did you want to say something? i was going to demonstrate that i seem a little more naked than i am. because my leg is up really high. so there's a sort of optical illusion. >> yeah, yeah, i think we understand that. you're not 8 years old. >> exactly. and some people sort of thought -- >> jimmy: how did your mom feel about this? >> i don't know. i'll know tomorrow. >> jimmy: yo drove all the way from vancouver to los angeles and this didn't come up at all? >> no. >> jimmy: really? what do you think her reaction is going to be? >> i don't know. i really don't know. i mean, she's a cool mom. i think it's, you know, part of why i wanted to do this is "allure" magazine is a wonderful, classy publication.
>> jimmy: are you practicing your speech for your mother? >> i am. how am i doing? >> jimmy: you're doing really great. well, there's nothing she can do about this. dad? >> he's probably going to be resuscitating my mom after she sees it. i don't know. we'll get to his reaction a ways down the road. six months down the road, i'll now how he really feels. >> jimmy: i hope he doesn't have a subscription and just happens to page through it and find you there. >> the first person to find it will be my little brother. and that's really going to be -- >> jimmy: this is a disaster all the way around. this could scar him permanently. he may never pick up a magazine again. >> oh, no, oh, no. >> jimmy: it's great to see you. congratulations on the success of the show. it's called "once upon a time."
i feel a shot right through with a bolt of blue it's no problem of mine ♪ ♪ but it's a problem i find living a life that i can't leave behind there's no sense ♪ ♪ in telling me the wisdom of a fool won't set you free but that's the way ♪ ♪ hat it goes and it's what nobody knows while everyday my confusion grows ♪ ♪ every time i see you falling i get down on my knees and pray ♪ ♪ i'm waiting for that final moment you say the words
that i can't say ♪ ♪ i feel fine and i feel good i'm feeling like i never should ♪ ♪ whenever i get this way i just don't know what to say why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday ♪ ♪ i'm not sure what this could mean i don't think you're what you seem ♪ ♪ i do admit to myself that if i hurt someone else then i'll never see just what we're meant to be ♪ ♪ every time i see
you falling i get down on my knees and pray ♪ ♪ i'm waiting for that final moment you say the words that i can't say ♪ ♪ every time i see you falling i get down on my knees and pray ♪ ♪ i'm waiting for that final moment you say the words that i can't say ♪ ♪ every time i see you falling i get down on
♪ >> jimmy: i want to thank mark wahlberg, jennifer morrison. apologies to matt damon, we ran out of time. tomorrow night harrison ford, anthony mackie and music from m83. thank you for watching. "nightline" is next. good night. tonight on "nightline," the manhunt begins. a massive search for the culprit behind a deadly bombing. new videos and more evidence. a pressure cooker, ball bearings and nails. authorities piece together clues as we go inside the anatomy of terror. an 8-year-old boy's tragic death. the nation mourns him and