tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC October 11, 2013 11:35pm-12:36am PDT
>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, will arnett, from "marvel's agents of shield," clark gregg, and music from bonnie raitt. with cleto and the cletones. and now, here's jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: thank you for coming to visit us here. i will tell you something -- the government may be shut down. but we are open for business here! [ cheers and applause ]
what are we doing here? shouldn't we all be out looting a best buy or something? who wants to start a post-apocalyptic motorcycle gang? [ cheers and applause ] to be honest i didn't notice the government was shut down today. but the 800,000 government employees who had their hours gut or jobs taken away definitely did. but the good news is congress is still getting paid. [ audience booing ] >> jimmy: i want the names of the idiots who elected these people -- oh, wait, it was us? never mind. federal food assistance programs are on hold. nasa mostly shut down. national parks are closed. even forced the animals to leave. squirrels, chipmunks, bunnies all out on the streets. meanwhile the affordable care act, also known as obama care which is what everyone is fighting over became available today. which is good news for the doctor in your family who has to look at everyone's moles at thanksgiving.
you want to find out if it makes sense for you you can sign up on line. very easy. all you have to do is tweet iamsick@barackobama. [ cheers and applause ] the health care plan, bronze, silver, gold, platinum. really different levels of coverage. for instance if you are a 21-year-old female with silver coverage who is injured while riding nude on a wrecking ball you are covered 80%, completely. [ cheers and applause ] this is something -- the huffington post reported that while the congressmen were allegedly trying to work out a deal last night, some of them were drinking. a tweet, every other house law maker i spoke to, smelled like booze. it is only 9:00 p.m. you think a bunch of drunk guys can get along.
when i am drunk, i will agree to anything, i will help you move, tell you i love you, father a child with you. you name it. i guess that, not the same effect when you are in congress. the fact that the guys were drinking in the middle of all this seemed like a good subject for our pedestrian question. so we went out to hollywood boulevard today, we asked random people, do you ever get drunk at work? now, what we are doing here, going to see some one introduce him or herself. and stop the video. together we will guess, if the answer is yes or no? tonight we will poll the studio audience. a new polling system that cost dozens of dollars. very high tech. so, again if you think the person we are about to see drinks at work hit yes on the keyboard and if you think they don't, press no. >> allison from st. louis, missouri. >> do you ever get drunk at work? >> jimmy: do you think allison from st. louis gets drunk at work? lock your votes in. wow, this is exciting.
like one of the game shows that get canceled almost immediately. all right. let's see what the audience. audience says 44% says yes. 56%, no. let's find out if allison does get drunk at work. >> yes, we have a bar actually. so sometimes we get a little sloppy drunk. >> jimmy: all right, all right. next up. my name is cory. i'm a roady. >> do you ever get drunk at work? >> jimmy: does cory in the motorhead t-shirt get drunk at work? let's see what the audience says? audience says -- mostly drunk. and cory -- >> i don't drink, really. ha-ha-ha. >> jimmy: all right. next up. sandy from newport news, virginia. >> do you ever get drunk at work? >> i think who ever did that hair was drunk. go ahead and lock in your votes. and we will see -- do we believe she gets drunk at work. here we go.
the audience says -- mostly drunk. and we're leaning towards drunk with everyone. sandy says -- yes i have. i used to work for a defense contractor. >> jimmy: all right, who do we have next on the boulevard? >> luther from van nuys. >> do you ever get drunk at work? >> jimmy: all right, i don't know what luther does for a living. maybe a shepherd, who knows. lock in your votes. and the audience says, oh, 59% yes, drunk. 41% no. see if luther does get drunk at work? >> yeah. >> jimmy: all right, luther. all right. who is up next? >> my name is givanni williams, i hip-hop dance. >> you ever get drunk at work? >> he is a hip-hop dancer, so, guessing, does he dance -- i think he dances out on hollywood boulevard. let's lock in our votes. and find out.
if luther drunk, not drunk. not drunk. see what luther had to say. >> i don't drink at work. or ever. [ applause ] >> why not? >> it affects dancing. i can't do that at the same time. it messes up your, like your body. you have to be fit to dance. but i smoke weed. [ applause ] >> jimmy: okay. >> rosie ewing from kansas city, missouri. >> do you ever get drunk at work? >> jimmy: what do we think here? what do we say? does she get drunk at work? let's see what our tally is? the audience says, mostly, 2/3 say drunk. >> yes. i have gotten drunk at work. we went out to lunch. we ended up drinking. so we were drinking, slow gin
fizzes back then. and i was just got back to work late. late. and we were drunk. and the supervisor knew it too. >> jimmy: pretty matter of fact with the slow gin fizzes. one more. >> my name is nina crosby, originally from virginia. >> do you ever get drunk at work? >> jimmy: all right, does nina crosby originally from virginia get drunk at work? let's see what the voting says. our audience says. mostly drunk. again. wow. all right. let's find out. >> no. >> come on. >> no i have gotten drunk before i went to work. >> so you were drunk at work? >> yeah. >> what do you do for a living? [ inaudible ] >> jimmy: guillermo, you ever get drunk at work? >> guillermo: yeah.
>> jimmy: guillermo is drunk at work right now. in international news, justin bieber is in china right now. the reason i know this -- someone took the picture of him on the great wall of china. that is justin bieber being carried up the great wall of china by his bodyguards. its that unbieliebable or what? even lady gaga got out of her egg and walked. hard to climb stairs when your pants are down around your ankles. when your job description includes carrying a pop star up 5,000 steps. might be team to start browsing monster.com. is that still a thing? here is something obama care probably won't be covering. have you upgraded your iphones and ipads to ios 7 yet. according to reports, ios 7 is giving people motion sickness because the screen, the higher resolution screens and the new icons they move around.
they're giving people vertigo and nausea. and for real. if you are suffering from these symptoms, here is something that might help. >> do you suffer from nausea, headaches and vertigo. maybe you should stop looking at your [ bleep ] iphone every five seconds. stop looking at your [ bleep ] iphone every five second is fast relief. before, try stop looking at your [ bleep ] phone every five seconds. ask your doctor about stopping at your [ bleep ] iphone every five seconds. side effects may include eye contact, conversation, facial expressions and other human stuff. seek medical help if you try to use fingers to zoom into some one's face. stop looking at your [ bleep ] phone every five seconds. >> available at walgreen's. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have break but when we come back,
there's a little girl who is 4 years old. we found her online. her name its mia gray from albany, new york. she knows a lot about marvel super heroes. >> who is the god of thunder, kiddo? >> thor! >> okay. >> where do they live? [ indiscernible ] >> name me some? >> what is the real name? >> who is her brother? >> who is their dad? >> yes. [ inaudible ] >> >> that's my girl. >> jimmy: so -- if you -- if you haven't been here in hollywood we have super heroes on the street on hollywood boulevard. people who dress up every day. you think you know a lot about their characters. tonight we will challenge them to a trivia contest with a
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>> welcome back. will arnett, clark gregg, and music from bonnie raitt. in the building. before we get to that, we'll play "mia versus marvel." ladies and gentlemen, from albany new york, please welcome 4-year-old mia grace. mia! [ cheers and applause ] hi, mia, how are you doing? good to see you. good to see, you mia, how are you? >> good. >> jimmy: excited to be here? >> yes. >> jimmy: you love super heroes? >> yes. >> jimmy: how long have you been interested in super heroes? >> since i was 4. >> jimmy: since you were born. >> 4. >> jimmy: do you know how to read? >> yes. >> jimmy: do you read the comic books yourself? >> yes. >> jimmy: who was your favorite
of all the super heros? >> scarlet witch. >> jimmy: scarlet witch, a witch is your favorite? why is she your favorite? >> because she is my favorite. [ applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: ha-ha. are you waving at your dad off camera? your dad is the one that really got you interested in super heroes didn't he? >> yeah. >> jimmy: does he force any other of his nerdy hobbies down your throat? >> no. >> jimmy: no, no. what else do you look to -- like to do besides reading comic books? >> i like to play. >> jimmy: i like that too. do you watch television? >> yeah. >> reporter: what shows do you watch? >> super hero squad. >> jimmy: super hero squad. you love them, don't you. >> yes. >> jimmy: did you see super
heroes on the street? >> i saw batman >> jimmy: you did. did you talk to him at all? >> i said hi. >> jimmy: what did batman say? >> he said, well he waved to us. >> jimmy: he waved at you. that's nice. it is wonderful you have such a relationship with the super heros. but now things are going to change. because you are about to -- you are about to go head-to-head with some of your favorite super heroes. are you ready for this, mia? >> yes. >> jimmy: bring out the super heroes. ladies and gentlemen, welcome hollywood boulevard ironman, hollywood boulevard captain america, and hollywood boulevard spiderman. come on out, gentlemen! [ cheers and applause ] ironman, captain, spiderman. captain america, you're missing your -- where is your head thing? helmet? >> real super heroes don't need masks, jimmy. >> jimmy: is that right?
what happened? you got mugged? all right. well who do you want to, start with ironman, mia, you know a lot about ironman. >> yes. >> ironman take a seat at the kids' table. have a seat. yeah, there you go. all right. well. all right. pretty good costume you got there. >> thank you. >> jimmy: now you guys ready? if you know the answer, ring in, okay. mia. >> okay. >> jimmy: first question, what is ironman's girlfriend's name? >> pepper potts. >> jimmy: that is absolutely right. did we know that? question number two. what is ironman's best friend's name? >> brody. >> jimmy: that is exactly right. [ cheers and applause ] >> very good. >> jimmy: final question, for ironman, and mia, what is in ironman's chest? >> the ark reactor. >> jimmy: the ark reactor. absolutely right.
captain america. you jump in there. all right. mia, this is captain america. he couldn't afford a mask. do you know a lot about captain america? >> of course i do. >> yes. >> jimmy: i know you do, mia. question number one, what is captain america's shield made of? >> titanium. >> jimmy: did you know that one, guillermo? >> guillermo: no. >> jimmy: no. where is vibranium found? >> from okandia. >> jimmy: that's right. who its the prince of orkandia? >> the black panther. >> jimmy: the black panther. captain america, take a seat in the back.
let's bring spiderman in here. spiderman, you are the super hero's only hope. >> all right. >> jimmy: i will start with an easy one. what is spiderman's secret identity, real name? >> peter parker. >> jimmy: that is right. that is right. peter parker. name a member of the sinister six. >> mysterio. >> jimmy: that's right. can you name any members of the sinister six? >> um -- >> jimmy: no your head doesn't even match your costume. finally -- -- the final question what newspaper does spiderman work for? >> "the daily bugle." >> jimmy: that is right. mia, what's the final score? >> 9-0.
>> reporter: mia -- >> jimmy: mia, to congratulate you we got you your own captain america shield and we're sending you and your mom and dad to disneyland too. and don't worry you're not going home empty handed. each of our heroes will receive hartz flea and tick dip. >> congratulations, mia, with great power, comes great responsibility. thank you. >> jimmy: tonight on the show, from "marvel's agents of shield," clark gregg is here, we have music from bonnie raitt, and we'll be right back with will arnett. thank you, everyone. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] eenie. meenie. miney. go. ♪
mercedes-benz has pioneered many breakthroughs. ♪ breakthroughs in design... breakthroughs in safety... in engineering... and technology. and now our latest creation breaks one more barrier. introducing the cla. starting at $29,900. ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: tonight on the program, he plays the resurrected agent phil coulson on the big hit show "marvel's agents of shield," clark gregg is with us. and then, this is her grammy-award winning album "slipstream." bonnie raitt from the sony stage. you can see bonnie live on tour starting thursday in paso robles. tomorrow night, tim allen and kenny rogers will be here.
and on thursday we'll be joined by john mayer and from "scandal", katie lowes. >> jimmy: our first guest is a five-time emmy-nominated actor who has been gifted with vocal cords fashioned from whiskey drizzled elk leather. his new show "the millers" premieres thursday night on cbs, please say hello to will arnett. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: how are you doing? good to see you. >> whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! just sort of keep it going. let's keep it going! good night. >> jimmy: will arnett, everyone. [ drum roll ] good to see you. everything all right? how have you been lately? >> thank you for asking, jimmy.
you know, i have been really good, actually. i just got back from canada. >> jimmy: you did? >> i was up there visiting my dad. i am canadian. >> jimmy: their government is still operating, right, up there. >> yeah, turns out it's the best way to just keep things going. is to keep the government operating. >> jimmy: what were you doing up there? >> i was up there for my dad's 75th birthday. >> jimmy: wow. wow. >> which was great. really great. 75 is a big number. >> jimmy: it is. >> i reminded him of that a lot. >> jimmy: it's like -- is he sensitive about that sort of thing? >> i brought up the fact that he was born two years before the second world war even started. and then i had my son who is almost 5 with me. granddad was born 70 years before you were born! and any way, pass the salt, you know?
>> jimmy: you know he is going to do that to you now, right. do you go there much, get up to canada as much? >> i don't get up there as much as i would like to. i do enjoy going up there a lot. it's nice after having been down here for so many years. i go up there and feel like a hometown kid done good sometimes. although this particular trip on my flight, i was sitting behind -- a guy who will outshine virtually any canadian, wayne gretzky. >> jimmy: really. right behind him? did you talk to him? >> sure, give it up for wayne gretzky. >> jimmy: one of those situations you realize you are probably not going to get much of a mention in the article if god forbid something happens. >> it occurred to me. >> jimmy: did you know wayne gretzky? >> i know him to say hi. we met each other once briefly so we chatted. we chatted briefly. and, i mean, look, he is -- he's the great one.
>> jimmy: yeah. yeah. >> he's had the nickname since he was a teenager. that's pretty great way to go through life. being known as "the great one." >> jimmy: do you have a nickname? >> up there, they call me "the okay one." i am fine with that. >> jimmy: when you meet wayne gretzky. is it like you're famous, i'm famous, let's get together sometime? >> that's the implication, you just don't say it. in fact we talked about the hockey hall of fame. and he gave me, he gave he his phone number. >> jimmy: wow. >> i got wayne gretzky's phone number. he is at home -- >> jimmy: do you have his phone number in your phone right now? >> i don't have it right now.
he wrote it on the ticket stub of his -- his passenger airline ticket. >> jimmy: wow. >> wayne gretzky, l.a. to toronto. his phone number. that in and of itself is worth a lot. >> jimmy: did your family get excited? did you tell them the story? >> jimmy: i got to utter the phrase i never thought i would, "oh, damn, i forgot to text wayne gretzky." you know all those years ago growing of in toronto, i never thought i would say those words. >> jimmy: here you are with your son, archie, at a rangers game i guess? >> yeah. yeah. >> jimmy: he's got -- that's not the game puck, no wouldn't have the logo. >> caught the puck from msg, vip services. such a lucky -- it was just a lucky catch. they were -- they went like this. >> jimmy: does he like it? >> he loves going to hockey games. i love taking him to hockey games. it is a lot of fun. i never caught a puck. though i did once catch a baseball. >> jimmy: you did. >> at a dodgers' game. a few years back, went to a
dodgers game with jason bateman, my sometimes friend. please, that's a whole another -- so jason is a big dodgers' fan. he had season tickets forever. he loves dodgers. >> jimmy: goes to almost every game. >> virtually every home game. you go to a game. it's great. he has the great seats. he kind of moved up. seatswise. they keep getting better every couple years. when you go to the game with him. you drive there with him. he is an insane driver. a good driver -- he is a very fast driver. he likes to remind you as much as he can that he won the grand prix of long beach like three times. >> jimmy: the celebrity? >> the celebrity thing. with kirk cameron. >> jimmy: brings it up? >> a race that couldn't have higher stakes. so he brings it up. yeah, as much as he can. he works that into conversation. and then, you get, you get to
the game. you get to the parking lot. he parks his car and opens the glove box and has two little old-fashioned transister radios with ear buds. and the idea is when you go to a game with him. that you sit there. he wants to listen to the radio broadcast. there is no talking. you sit next to him. and, and, he is kind of surly. you know. and he is watching and listening to the game. and you are eating peanuts, oh, this is great. but we went, we want one time. he brought his -- brought his baseball glove. sometimes he brings his glove. >> jimmy: he does. >> he is that into it. he brought his glove. we are at the game. seventh inning stretch. people left next to us because it's seventh inning in l.a. they got there in the fifth. they were gone by the sixth. and so, so, he put the glove between us. we were kind of chitchatting, the game wasn't on. he allowed -- some talk was
going on. i sort of absent-mindedly grabbed the glove. we were talking. the game starts back up. at the time. david roberts used to play for the dodgers, fouled the ball off. it comes towards us. and we both stand up. and it's coming right toward jason. he puts his hand up. just as he is about to catch it. i lean in front of him. with his glove. and with his own glove and grab it. and then they got me on the jumbotron. i'm like, "yeah!" i look back at him and he is just like this. just crushed. >> jimmy: and, that must have been a long ride home, huh? >> it was unbelievable, man. >> jimmy: what is that? is that a cigarette you are smoking. >> i wish somebody -- >> where are we on that? we're okay with it, right? >> jimmy: you might be the first guy to smoke an e-cigarette on
network television >> jimmy: ha-ha. how is that, is that all right? >> wait, i just got a text. >> jimmy: tell gretzky i said hello. his show is called "the millers" we'll be right back. >> jimmy kimmel live is brought to you by sony. not in the driveway. yeah. it's in the shop. it's going to cost me an arm and a leg. that's hilarious. sorry. you shoulda taken it to midas. get some of that midas touch. they tell you what stuff needs fixing, and what stuff can wait. next time i'm going to midas. high-five! arg! i did not see that coming. trust the midas touch. for brakes, tires, oil, everything. (whistling) ♪ the $4 lunch ♪ with a sub and a drink, it's the $4 lunch ♪ ♪ anytime, all day ♪ made the way you say ♪ get the $4 lunch at subway
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the shower. >> oh, my god. >> you walked in on me masturbating. >> please stop. >> i stayed until you finished your business. that counts. >> i think i'm going to black out. >> jimmy: will arnett! "the millers" premieres thursday at 8:30 on cbs. what a cast you have got there, huh? >> pretty amazing cast. >> beau bridges. margeau martindale. >> jimmy: a fun group of people to hang around with. >> it is, it doesn't. every day is a total blast. i just laugh the whole time. kind of the point. >> jimmy: what's the premise of the show? >> i don't know. >> jimmy: you don't know. i saw you at the emmys. but i did not realize that you -- and ryan seacrest were wearing father and son suits. >> ha-ha! it must be, i guess he got some
smoke in his eyes. >> jimmy: he does have a smoky look about him. although i think, that's how you pose when you are standing next to will arnett, you think you should give that look. the real ryan seacrest, or the wax figure ryan? >> that is at toussad's. he is a great guy. we wore the same tuxedo, as you can see. and they did one of these "who wore it best" i think. >> jimmy: they did. how did you do? >> okay. >> jimmy: well, no better way to celebrate than with an e-cigarette. >> that's right. thank you. sorry, i almost lost track of that. >> jimmy: you realize how insanely ridiculous this is going to look in eight years, right? >> i feel like, i feel like i have finally found the perfect place to smoke this. it's here. >> jimmy: here on tv. let me try it. i want to see what is going on. do you mind? ♪
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>> jimmy: our next guest is not a superhero, but he has all their phone numbers. he saves the world every week on "marvel's agents of shield," tuesday nights at 8 here on abc. please say hello to clark gregg. >> jimmy: i have to admit after watching all, i love all of the marvel movies and all that. when you walk in, i feel like something terrible is about to happen. >> usually just to me. >> jimmy: how are you doing, good to see you? >> you too. >> jimmy: how would you wind up -- originally you were
supposed to have a small part in ironman, right? >> i have a wonderful neighbor, used to, named john favreau, putting together the cast of "ironman" i grew up loving the comics. i was watching, he got jeff bridges, gwyneth paltrow, and robert downy is playing ironman. i got a call. i never get a call. especially in those days never got a call. i got a call they have a part for you. i was like this is amazing. i got it. a guy, didn't have a name at that point. eight lines. i was torn. i thought with that cast this guy is going to be the first to go. >> jimmy: cut out of the movie, right? >> my wife said you love this stuff. you love john. do it. i did. that thing happened, that doesn't happen which is, something about it kind of clicked. there was something about the kind of snarky banter and
started adding more scenes. i was doing a scene, where they're saying thank you, agent colson for all you have done. this really changed. >> jimmy: what did you do? did you move next to steven spielberg, that's why you are changing neighborhoods? >> i bought a match of the stars' homes with directors. >> jimmy: not a bad idea. >> i might have a few. >> jimmy: i am not ruining anything by saying you die, or at least we thought you died in the movie, well you did die in the movie. and then they said -- we're going to make a tv show and you are back to life. like jesus. >> a lot like that. i look a little different. basically the same character. >> jimmy: clean shaven jesus. >> i believe jesus has super powers. >> jimmy: he does. yes. now i love the show by the way. it is very good. tonight you had a -- i don't know if i should say what happened at the end of the show tonight. >> you should not. >> jimmy: i should not. because people, well it has been on tv. but i think people in our audience haven't seen it. >> yeah, there are some people
who do the dvr thing. we have a guest. a special guest. >> jimmy: a special guest. >> some times in marvel things they bring out special information at the very end. >> jimmy: at the very end. that little thing. they make you sit through-- the credits and then you see something great hopefully at the end. and you are doing that on tv show. >> that sounds exciting. do you think that's going to happen tonight? >> jimmy: i know it is because i saw it already. >> see, you think it is funny. then a spear will appear through your chest. >> jimmy: how old is your daughter? >> about to be 12. >> jimmy: is she impress that her dad is -- >> she was not. no, this was, there was no miley cyrus or anything when she was younger. she wanted to go to the "avengers" premier a lot. >> jimmy: why? i said you can't go to these unless you watch some of the movies. then she watched "thor." she said, "is chris hemsworth
going to be there?" i have a feeling he will. >> reporter: she was submiten by him? >> yes, smitten by the god of thunder. >> jimmy: one of the interesting things about your character -- it was not, it's not a part of the comic book until now. it became such a big character that, it became part of the comics, too. which has that ever happened before? >> no, jimmy it has not. >> jimmy: why? you are making incredible history here. now you are in the comic. they made it kind of look like you >> they used the handsome filter there. >> very muscular. there are no weak chins in marvel comics. or comics ever really. >> no. no. i had to pay that guy a lot of money. >> jimmy: did you pose for that? or did they just? >> clearly. >> jimmy: do you get paid when the character is based on your own personal face? >> oh, tons. >> jimmy: did they send you the comic books themselves? >> i'm a little bit of a geek. sent me the comic books.
and i consider that some what adequate payment. >> jimmy: at comic-con are you accepted into the world of marvel? >> yes, comic-con is a beautiful event for me. i didn't go the year of "the avengers" i knew, and true, a lot of agent coulson's walking around with spears through their chests. i find that upsetting. it will be an exciting year. and now back to life agent colson. >> jimmy: indestructible. a zombie or something. >> hard to kill. may be the reveal. >> jimmy: a mistake. >> hankering for brains. >> jimmy: congratulations on the success of the show "marvels agents of shield" tuesday, 8:00 on abc. clark gregg, everybody. when we come back, music from bonnie raitt.
>> announcer: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is brought to you by sony. >> jimmy: i want to thank will arnett, clark gregg. apologies to matt damon, we ran out of time. tomorrow night, tim allen, and kenny rogers. stay up for nightline. this is her latest album, "slipstream." here with the song "used to rule the world," you can see this one and more at jimmykimmellive.com. the great bonnie raitt! good night! ♪ doctor feel good sleepin' on a concrete bench can i get a
witness ♪ ♪ miss south carolina 1975 somebody stole your crown ♪ ♪ you were sleeping in your happy home ♪ ♪ when you woke up baby your life had come and gone ♪ ♪ now you're mystified standing with the rest of us who used to rule the world ♪ ♪ brother lovejoy rappin' up a blue streak can i get a witness ♪ ♪ miss hurricane can't keep your hands still ♪ ♪ long enough to count your change ♪ ♪ you were wrapped up in your daily grind ♪ ♪ the cost of living it didn't even cross your mind ♪
♪ now you can't find your car ♪ miss cocktaill dress standing at the bathroom sink ♪ ♪ looking for a back way out ♪ you can't believe your very eyes ♪ ♪ everything that you were counting on ♪ ♪ was nothing but a pack of lies ♪ ♪ now you're mystified standing with the rest of us who used to rule the world ♪