tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC January 21, 2014 11:35pm-12:38am PST
line. appreciate it. i really do. we have a lot including the triumphant return of toronto mayor rob ford. but first, a happy national hugging day. today, in case you didn't know was national hugging day. it was established today by a pickpocket. actually, he was a pastor from michigan who thought we needed a day between christmas and valentine's day to hug. i don't know why. maybe they're forming a letter "h" with their body. here's another one. and apparently this is how you hug a young girl without being arrested? i don't know. they're either hugging a pillow or a giant burrito. if you want to participate, you still about 23 minutes to awkwardly press your body
against a stranger. to me, the big question is what kind of a dope puts hugging day right in the middle of the cold and flu season. it is very cold again in a lot of the country. there was a brief thaw, but the freezing weather is back. much of the midwest is experiencing single digit temperatures tonight. you know, they say the trick to staying warm is making sure all your thermometers are set to fahrenheit. because it's just much warmer than celsius. it's so cold in some parts of the country, people actually have to wear uggs out of necessity. in the northeast, winter storm janice has been a tough one for the weather channel. but not for the usual reasons. some of our eagle-eyed viewers alerted me to this. janus is is written j-a-n-u-s. al roeker needs to be careful with where he stands.
you don't want to get caught in the eye of winter storm anus. you really don't. janus is -- there are blizzard-like conditions. they needed to close government offices in washington, d.c. today. while jim cantore was there, he was good enough to provide us with our unintentional joke of the day. >> i'm ready for a big dump here at the hill. >> so far this storm has proven to be a very low brow affair. i almost hate to mention it. it was 75 degrees here in l.a. today. that has its own struggle. it's not quite beach weather. it's not quite sweater weather. dwoept know what to wear. but we soldier on resiliently. you don't hear us. the weather has been very weird here. it has not rained in l.a. since
june of 2008. and now there's a drought. because of the drought, governor jerry brown declared california a state of emergency, which was a sobering call to action that will in no way change the way anyone does anything at all. we'll still be taking long, obnoxious showers. but the state water reserve is dangerously low. there's no sign of rain on the horizon. they don't think it's going to rain for another couple of months, which is why now more than ever it's imperative that our nation's rappers make it rain. we need them to do it. i did cry a little bit last night watching "the bachelor." so hopefully that helped. while we're on the subject of natural disaster, have you seen the latest episode of toronto mayor rob ford? rob ford has been quiet for a couple of months. he claims he's been exercising. he says he hasn't been drinking.
he even hasn't done crack, he says. that's big for him. because he loves crack. unfortunately, the streak of good behavior appears to have ended last night. today video surfaced of the mayor in a fast food restaurant called state queen. i'm not exactly sure what's happening here at state queen, but it would appear that mayor ford speaks jamaican, too. >> [ inaudible ] me you know what i mean, he's hiding here, i'm hiding here [ bleep ] [ inaudible ]. >> jimmy: just when you thought he couldn't possibly pull another nugget out of his bag of
crazy, he gets drunk and speaks jamaican in a state queen. when you're the best, that's what you do. earlier today, mayor ford's brother, this poor guy, doug ford is the most loyal brother in the video. he says that can't be from last night. he's given up drinking 100% and he's much thinner than that. then his brother comes out and says this. >> were you drinking last night? >> yes, i was. >> you were drinking last night? >> a little bit, yeah. >> jimmy: that's a little bit? and then another video from the state queen popped up last night. he appeared to be dining with an alleged drug dinner. so he's back, folks, for an all-new season of super mayor. thanks, canada. this almost makes up for justin bieber.
this is worth mentioning. this has been coming for a long time. the ethnic ratio of the state of california is about to change for good. it's projected in march of this year, latinos will surpass nonhispanic whites to become california's largest ethnic group. latinos will make up 39% of the population with whites dropping to 38.8%, which will be especially intriguing around here, because according to the law, once the latino population hits number one, guillermo becomes host of the show and i become his side kick. do you know about this, guillermo? >> guillermo: no, jimmy. >> jimmy: what was that? >> guillermo: no, i didn't know about it, jimmy. >> jimmy: why are you talking like a robot now? you see, they're multiplying as we speak. president obama said some interesting things in an interview with the new yorker that was published on sunday. they asked about the risk
associated with contact sports. obama said he wouldn't let his son play profession nap football. and then in the same interview, he said marijuana is not as dangerous as alcohol. parentally he's been smoking marijuana because he thinks he has a son. the president said -- [ applause ] >> jimmy: while he doesn't encourage marijuana use, he thinks pot is less dangerous than alcohol because of impact on the individual consumer. sounds like he just wants to get michelle stoned so they can eat chips in the white house. he said he discouraged his daughters to smoke pot by telling them it's a waste of time. that's the whole point, right? wouldn't it be weird if 20 years from now, football was illegal and smoking pot was allowed? mom, we're going to be park to smoke some weed. okay, but don't let me catch you playing football. this is a good one from the crime file. in paris, texas, last week, two
women were robbed at knife point. fortunately they got away unharmed. they called police who then released this composite sketch of the criminal. police are on the lookout for a new police sketch artist. i can't believe two women were robbed at knife point by a cabbage patch doll. but as bad as this drawing is, i have to say it does remind me of someone. can we add a moustache to that? that's right. guillermo, it looks a little bit like you. what do you have to say for yourself? >> no, it was not me. it was him. >> no, it was him. >> no, it was him. >> jimmy: i guess this is what it's like to do payote. thank you, guys. >> you're welcome. >> jimmy: amazon has patented a new technology that's pretty incredible. it's called anticipatory package
shipping. which means amazon can ship products you mite buy before you even order them. they use previous orders and product searches and wishlists to figure out what people might want. in other words, the future is here and it's bringing you a nine pack of women's socks. it really is crazy. a company knowing what you need before you even do. but what they're advertising is true, it could revolutionize the way we shop. >> i didn't order anything. >> oh, we know. tissues? >> oh, your girlfriend is about to break up with you. you're going to need them. >> okay. and this? >> it's tequila. you're going to start drinking a lot. >> what is this? >> snow globe. you're going to start collecting them for some reason.
it's weird. >> i don't want any of this stuff. >> you will. >> diapers? >> oh, she's pregnant. it e it's yours. >> how do you know? >> paternity test. sign here. >> amazon, we know what you need. so shut up and take it. >> not bad advice. we're going to take a break. when we come back, we've got an internet superstar in the building. have you seen the video of the adorable 2-year-old girl who sings the miley cyrus song "wrecking ball" with a lot of passion. we' invited her here tonight to see if she is replicate that performance. it's called "can they do it love. plus greg kinnear, kenneth branagh and music from young the giant, too. so come join us.
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>> jimmy: young the giant are backstage'senning up. if the internet has taught us anything it's that kids are hilarious. i don't know why people even had kids before youtube. there's no point of it. here's a little girl in a car singing along to miley cyrus. ♪ i can't live a lie running for my life ♪ ♪ i will always love ♪ i came in like a wrecking
ball ♪ ♪ all i wanted was to break you up ♪ >> jimmy: a lot of emotion there. so we decided to fly 2-year-old sophia an her family to hollywood for a command performance tonight. it's time for "can they do it live?" sophia and her mom nicole. there they are. hello, how are you? >> hi. good, how are you? >> jimmy: hi, sophia. how are you? do you guys know why i pulled you over? >> probably because i was driving and filming at the same time? >> jimmy: yes, yes. you shouldn't be doing that. it's very, very dangerous. but lucky it all worked out. where are you guys from? >> oklahoma city. >> jimmy: and of course you had no idea this video would become so popular, right? >> it's the first video i've ever uploaded on social media at
all and it just went crazy. >> jimmy: sophia, do you love miley cyrus? >> yeah. >> jimmy: you do? and you love that song. >> do you know what a wrecking ball is? >> i don't know. >> jimmy: because you know, it came in like a wrecking ball. what are you looking at sophia? you don't know? soph sophia, what's the family policy on twerking. >> we don't have one yet. hopefully we'll never need one. >> jimmy: what other songs does sophia know? >> "we cant stop." lady gaga "applause." and lady gaga "edge of glory." >> jimmy: do you think she's going to be able to do this live in front of an audience? >> lady gaga. >> jimmy: what lady gaga song do you know? we might be in trouble here. all right. well, let's try to create a very natural environment as if you guys are in the car and i've got
a steering wheel for you to hold if you want. and ladies and gentlemen, here now with herren decision rendi "recking ball" by miley cyrus, sophia. ♪ we clawed we chained our hearts in vain ♪ ♪ we jumped never asking why ♪ we kissed i fell under your spell ♪ ♪ a love no one could deny ♪ don't you ever say i just walked away ♪ ♪ i will always want you ♪ i can't live a lie ♪ running for my life ♪ i will always want you ♪ i came in like a wrecking ball ♪ ♪ i never hit so hard in love
♪ all i wanted was to break your walls ♪ ♪ all you ever did was wreck me ♪ ♪ yeah, you wreck me ♪ i put you high ♪ up in the sky and now you're not coming down ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: remember when you did this on the video and you did this, i came in like a wrecking ball? do it now we're live on tv. here's your last chance. >> ready? ♪ i can't live a life running for my life ♪ ♪ >> ready? ready ♪ ♪ i came in like a wrecking ball ♪ ♪ i never hit so hard in love ♪ all i wanted was to break your walls ♪ ♪ all you ever did was wreck me ♪
>> can you do a drunken toronto mayor? no, not that either? well, sophia, first of all, to reward you for your almost singing tonight, we got your a karaoke machine. this will be fun to take on the plane. >> can you say thank you? >> thank you. >> jimmy: can ask the question can they do it live? and the answer -- >> no! >> jimmy: thank you very much. thank you, sophia. tonight on the show, kenneth branagh is here. we have music from young the giant, and we'll be right back with greg kinnear.
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>> jimmy: the always witty and wonderful kenneth branagh is with us. and then later, this is their new album, just came out today called "mind over matter" all the way from irvine, california, young the giant from the soapny outdoor stage. tomorrow night, christina ricci will be here. jake johnson. we'll have music from danny brown. kim kardashian, sean lowe and his fiancee katherine. here's what happened -- we finally got one of them to get
married. and you're damn right we rear putting it on television. join us then. our first guest tonight went from tv talk show host to nominated actor to specifically make guys like me feel about about themselves. on thursday night, he makes his triumphant return to television as a brilliant but degenerate lawyer on "rake." please say hello to greg kinnear. [ applause ] >> jimmy: i was just talking to members of our studio audience. one is from seattle and one from poe land. the polish woman wants to know how to please a man. you've been married for a while. what can she do to please her man? >> the first thing you want to do is wear flowers in your hair.
>> jimmy: she's got flowers in her hair. >> oh, perfect. >> look at the look on the man's face. >> jimmy: i think it's humiliation, i don't know. you had two daughters. now you have three daughters. what's next? four daughters? >> turn the cards over and they keep coming up aces. >> jimmy: do you wish you had a son? is it one of those things -- >> you know, we had two daughters. and here comes -- we actually weren't sure what we were going to get. the doctor on our third child took the sex of the child, put it in an envelope and sealed it and it sat by my bed for, you know, what is it nine months? and -- you'll learn. but it sat there by my bed and we never opened it up. and the truth is, i come from --
i have two brothers. so we were kind of three of a kind very close. and the idea of having three girls was always great. if i had a boy, that would have been cool, too. but very happy with what i got. you don't try to turn this into buyer's remorse. >> jimmy: i'm not trying. but i have a daughter, and then i had a son. i was like oh, this is good. i was delighted to have my daughter. then i could buy all the toys i wanted to buy. all the sports, all that kind of stuff. not that you can't do that with your daughters. >> it's not a bad thing to point out. this is the sad time of year where i'm sitting here during the nfl playoff season, just like this. alone. >> jimmy: no one watches with you. >> quiet. it's very, very sad. >> jimmy: is it bad or good? >> no, it's sad. i would like to have someone -- i would go out to the backyard. it's something in the dna with girls. we run a few offensive pass drills, i try to get them enthusiastic about football.
>> jimmy: i know how you could do it, by the way. >> you have an idea for me? >> jimmy: i have a great idea for you. >> i'm all ears. >> jimmy: if your kid is not interested, gambling. like tell your daughter at the super bowl, one of them is going to get no allowance if, like, the broncos win. but if the seahawks win, she'll get her allowance and her sister's allowance. guarantee you, they're glued to the television the whole time. you won't hear a peep out of them. >> that's a good idea. >> jimmy: it may cause problems down the line, but you know -- >> with the money they'll have made, they'll be able to pay for the therapy. yeah. i mean, there is that little moment in the end zone where the player will do that little shuck and move dance or something. and they'll be like -- they're into the little dance. >> jimmy: they like the dancing. >> that's the only thing i got going for them. >> jimmy: wait till tom brady
25ik takes his helmet off for the first time and they get a load of that handsome devil. there's an article of you in "the new york times" magazine. one of the lines, i don't know if you saw this, describing you when you were a tv talk show host. quick witted and affable, handsome in a frat boy kind of way. breezy enough to be safe, clearly positioned to be a talk show host for life. jimmy kimmel with better hair. i don't know why i had to be insulted in that. >> why the hell did they drag you into it. >> jimmy: you do have nice hair, now that i look at you, though. run your hand through it. are you scared of it? >> oh, that's nice. >> jimmy: you'll never get your head back. >> you have nice body. nice curve. >> jimmy: thank you. you should have told that to the
writer. >> who basically called you greg kinnear with bad hair. >> jimmy: i guess it could be worse. do you ever wake up in the morning and say i wish i could interview a housewife of orange county today? you know? what was your first job in television? >> my first job in television was -- there was a cable channel. before e! was e! it was called movie time. it was a little fledgling channel run out of a former porn studio. not a good story. it was a very, very kind of rough and tumble part of hollywood here. we would go in and the idea was just to fill time. so we had a few interviews. you know, you get the epk kit. you can run trailers of movies and stuff. but there -- really, the idea was just to fill time. so there was a guy sitting off camera, no matter how long you went, you could talk, it was
like doing a castro state-sponsored speech that would go for hours. and this guy would just be going stretch it out. i got very good at talking for excessively long periods of time to try to fill time. but, you know, it was not a -- it was pretty rough start. not like you here. >> jimmy: me just sitting here silently. no, but listen, whatever happened, it worked out beautifully. i remember you did "talk soup" and then you had the show on nbc. >> that's right, that's right. >> jimmy: i used to watch you regularly. >> no, you dependenidn't. >> jimmy: of course i did. >> no, you didn't. >> jimmy: i was a lonely kid. >> what were you doing at 1:35 in the morning? >> jimmy: i was preparing for this moment right here. greg kinnear, his new show is called "rake." we'll be right back. "awareness"] - artist: d
we read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. and the human race is filled with passion. and medicine, law, business, engineering - these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. but poetry, beauty, romance, love - these are what we stay alive for. to quote from whitman, "o me, o life of the questions of these recurring. of the endless trains of the faithless. of cities filled with the foolish. what good amid these, o me, o life? answer: that you are here. that life exists and identity. that the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse." "that the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse." what will your verse be? we had a crv
and then we had the pilot. you got more with the ford escape... i'm glad we got the escape and we switched. yay! for me, it was driving the ford escape... it's that foot-activated liftgate... and i don't have to do all this... yeah, i'm filling up a lot less than i did with my honda... woooh! if you were to compare the honda crv to this... i definitely like the ford better... awesome! (laughs)
trying to do their own taxes. oh, here it is! get your billion back, america! on its under 550 calories menu i was like, "what the what?!" then when i ordered it and actually tasted it i was like, "whaaattt?!" so yeah, i really liked applebee's under 550 calorie roma pepper steak. just another reason to see you tomorrow.
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>> onramp. >> jimmy: oh, that's after "american idol" right? >> that's after "american idol" that's right. >> jimmy: that's a pretty good lead-in. when you have a good lead-in like that, does it make your happy or does it make your nervous that you have to perform after something like that? >> well, it's obviously the show coming open, starts this week. obviously everybody is a little nerves, a little jitters. but i got a pretty good piece of news this week, jimmy. >> jimmy: you did? what? >> i don't have to worry so much. go ahead and show you this. i got an e-mail from literally yesterday, an e-mail to me. and this is office of the
national security adviser to the president federal republic of nigeria. >> jimmy: oh, wow. i am lieutenant general peter olu to the federal republic nigeria. i decide to contact you because prevailing security report reaching my office intent nature of policy in nigeria -- stay with me. this to inform you about our plan to send fund cash delivery. the system easier we going to send your contract part payment of u.s. $10.1 million to you via diplomatic courier. >> jimmy: wow. [ applause ] >> so the pressure is off. >> jimmy: some guys have all the luck, you know? >> the show has turned into a
little bit of a hobby for me. >> jimmy: gravy. well, i know you don't need it, but i wish you luck with it. i mean, who cares. >> it's good to have anyway. >> jimmy: in case you care, greg doesn't, the show is called "rake" thursday night at 9:00 on fox. thank you very much. we'll be right back with kenneth branagh.
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♪ go! go! go! buzz! ♪ hey! must be the honey! ♪ ♪ clusters, flakes ♪ that medley crunch, crunch! ♪ clusters, flakes ♪ that medley crunch, crunch! go! ♪ ♪ ♪ hey! must be the honey! ♪ ♪ hey! you got that medley crunch ♪ ♪ hey! must be the honey! ♪ >> jimmy: our next guest is an award winning actor, director and knight who performs two out of three of those functions in his new movie, "jack ryan: shadow recruit." it's in theaters now, please welcome kenneth branagh. how you doing?
last time you were here, you were a mere commoner. the pool of humans i belong to. since then you've been knighted. >> thank you. you do get scared that you're going to get something wrong. i had massages for days and days beforehand so i wouldn't get cramped when i knelt down. i was terrified. i couldn't be there, could you give me a hand up, please? you know? >> the knight business has really changed. in the old days you had to cut a dragon's head off. >> now you have to manage the lactic acid. should i pad the shoulders? i don't know. >> jimmy: did you pad the shoulders? >> i didn't in the end. >> jimmy: you don't want to look like joan collins in "dynasty." >> and the other thing is tricky, you don't know what you've said. you see a recording of it, it
looks like you're having a nice conversation. she's saying hello, how are you, go home, buckingham palace, you're the queen, i don't know what to say. and you walk away and it looks like you were going oh, it's so wonderful to be here. >> she probably thinks people are idiots in general. every time she speaks to someone, they fall apart. >> this is absolutely the case. she shakes hands and when she's finished she does that. i swear to god. in this ceremony, there was hundreds and hundreds of people doing far, far worse. being properly rewarded. people get so nervous that she takes care of them. she has to tell them it's time to go. >> jimmy: here's your hand back. otherwise people are like that, either worrying about getting cramps or they're in a daze. >> jimmy: that's a skill not too much have to develop. >> exactly. >> jimmy: besides being a knight, well, you know, when you have an accent like yours and when you've been involved in the
sorts of work that you've been involved with, we as americans feel inferior, i think, number one. >> oh, shush. >> jimmy: are there things that you do that would make us feel better about ourselves? do you have any filthy habits? >> i tell you what, this is a silly thing, but i like to watch skateboarding videos. >> jimmy: that's good. that's very good. >> i can't skateboard. i regard it as simultaneously the coolest thing i've ever seen and the most absurd. and the thing i love watching is the kind of amazing optimism of skateboarders who do those incredible two feeled things up the stare wells where you know a part of the body and that rail are going to connect in a minute and it's going to be very, very unpleasant, but very funny if you're watching. the amazing impact of these things, it's just crazy. you know these are all smart people, they're all cool. they're doing a thing, bang! you know? it really tickles my tickle
bone. you assume that obviously, obviously i wish no people to be harmed in the making of these skateboarding videos. but, and i'm assuming if i'm seeing them, then they must be okay. and everybody gets up like oh, it's okay, it's fine. that kind of thing going on. but it's incredible. they fly through the air with the greatest of ease and then they look just so silly. >> jimmy: do you watch them on youtube? >> yeah. when you're struggling with a shakespearean soliloquy, it's great to go from that scottish kilts to watching someone falling over on a people of wood. >> jimmy: have you seen the jackass movies? >> i have. >> jimmy: that's right up your alley, shockingly. >> i confess, my guilty pleasure. i'm very happy to admit it. >> jimmy: from jackass to jack ryan. >> that's the most fantastic link i have heard all evening.
>> jimmy: you directed this film. it's great, by the way. you're the bad guy in the movie, too. i guess i wouldn't know, but it seems like a very authentic russian accent. >> did you study with actual russians to perfect this. >> i had a great russian coach and russian friends. i said tell me a little bit about the russian character. they said the thing you have to know about russians is when they're very, very upset, they gop down to the river, they spend the whole night crying and drinking vodka. i said that's very sad. what do they do when they're happy? they go down to the river, spend the whole night crying and drinking vodka. so if i do that, i'm covered either way. i can play both sides of the character like that. you essentially need a river by. that's what i plan to do. >> jimmy: do you like directing yourself? is it more difficult? is it -- i mean, do you yell action and then run to your spot? >> the two places at one time -- you have to be on kind of whe
wheels. >> jimmy: do you call for action yourself when you're on a scene? >> i do sometimes, but i often call cut because people are usually a little nervous of saying cut instead of me. at the end of a scene, i like to improvise a bit. they're a little nervous in case they cut across what i'm doing. but you get a lot of help. we had kevin costner in this movie. chris pine, who's wonderful as jack ryan. kevin costner has done both things before. 25 years ago, kevin and i met when i was making my first picture, acting and directing. and i -- we wanted to talk about doing the same thing. i said so you're doing that? well, what's your picture? he said it's a little thing called "dances with wolves." i said that sounds good. i think that sounds promising. so actually 25 years on, he was very kind and generous on the set. reminded me, when you're acting and directing, you need to give yourself a little more time, because normally you can rush yourself a bit. this time, i tried not to do that.
i had some help. i had some guys watching me. the time you act in these movies is the time they can't ask you questions as a director. between action and cut, you're free. it's kind of liberating. >> jimmy: i would think so. you guys kind of watching over each other, i guess. >> chris pine, who is so great in the movie. i'm sure he'll be a director at some point. when you're in something, you end up doing it with your fellow actors and keira knightley is in it. people aren't afraid to give me notes as an actor. >> jimmy: maybe as a knight they will change their opinion. if you stopwatching those stupid videos, maybe that will help with your -- >> i think that's given the wrong impression. could you come get him off the video? >> jimmy: the movie is called "jack ryan shadow recruit." we'll be right back with young the giant.
nights on the wire ♪ ♪ everybody wants to get by it's a test of the times ♪ ♪ a test of my rights it's on pretty lady ♪ ♪ born to be angry grip of the vice ♪ ♪ click on the trigger girl sip wine on ice ♪ ♪ it's about time best to rewind you better blow ♪ ♪ pistols pistols pistols ♪ lights low go on baby go it's a bad time i'm on a tight rope ♪ ♪ don't go oh it's about time it's about time ♪
♪ everybody come on lights on the beaches everybody come on delight close the front door ♪ ♪ i don't wanna go like i'm on the truman show ♪ ♪ best to let go you don't wanna know you better blow ♪ ♪ pistols pistols pistols ♪ lights low go on baby go it's a bad time i'm on a tight rope ♪ ♪ don't go oh it's about time it's about time ♪ ♪ all the years of paradise paradigms paralyze us
♪ girl you know >> tonight on ""nightline."" frozen, sur voviving in the colt city in america. here, way below zero temperatures are a way of daily life. but instead of hunkering down, these people are owning it. how long is too young? tiger woods started when he was 2. anna kournikova was only 5. so is 7 years old too young to be fighting in a ring? meet the parents who say it's a good thing to be young and aggressiv aggressive. >> aren't you worried about him getting hurt? >> and our world as you've never seen it before. a dragon fly in slow mo, a water droplet, even lightning.