tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC January 30, 2014 11:35pm-12:38am PST
i'm very pleased to have you here. we have a lot in store tonight. we have music from sara bareillas, alison brie and zac efron. winner storm leon caused a lot of problems because most of the south isn't prepared if that kind of cold. the tires in the south are made of rubber. so they're not prepared for that. in alabama people had to sleep in or abandon their vehicle. more than 2,000 people abandoned vehicles. there's still vehicles parked along atlanta highways. atlanta has essentially become a giant car max. they sent the national guard in to help out. if you can get out there, you can take any car you want. it's not even considered stealing. it's more like adoption. it's funny. people were complaining about the super bowl being in new york. turns out it's warmer there than
in most of the cities they usually have the super bowl. isn't that funny, guillermo? >> guillermo: that's very funny. >> jimmy: thank you. justin bieber recently retired from music to focus on building up his criminal record. last night, justin turned himself into toronto police. he was charged with one count of assault stemming from an incident in december during which he allegedly roughed up a limo driver. last week he was arrested in miami for drag racing a rented lamborghini while under the influence. the results of that drug test were released today. they show that justin was on both marijuana and xanax. that's an interesting combination of drugs. it's like he's part teenager, part real housewife. as he was getting charged with criminal assault last night, he released this new music video. he did. the song is called "confident." if you watch closely, you can see why he's so confident. ♪
>> you see, he's confident because he's got a beautiful new moustache. a young tom selleck. look at that. i'm sure the prison barber will wax that off. meanwhile, the petition asking the federal government to deport justin bieber is getting a lot of support. if a petition gets 100,000 signatures, the obama administration is required to respond to it. i know because there was one against me once. but it now has 210,000 signatures. so the white house will have to respond. obama should have sasha and maliah respond. this is the most popular petition on the website. who says we don't care about
important stuff. if you're going to get involved in one political movement, make it this. make it count. rob ford weighed in, heavily, on the justin bieber situation. mayor ford said he's a young guy, he's 19 years old. think about when you're 19. how great would it be to put those two in rehab together? rob ford, justin bieber, dr. drew and a camera crew. come on, vh1, let's make that happen. in case you haven't heard, super bowl xlviii between the seattle seahawks and denver broncos is on sunday. once again this year, president obama will grant an interview to a journalist from the network broad kaing the game. the game is on fox this year, so bill o'reilly is going to do the interview. that makes sense. super bowl sunday, most people just want to get together with their friends, each nachos drink beers and watch people fight about health care reform. i'm taking o'reilly with the points. by the way, super bowl tickets are usually very hard to get, but there's quite a few seats
still available. metlife stadium holds 82,000 people. there are still more than 11,000 tickets unsold. why they would have trouble selling $1500 tickets to an outdoor event being held at a blizzard you can watch on tv for free, i don't know, but they are. and i want to mention, they lowered the ticket prices to $1,500. so that's the discount price. that's nuts. you know how many times you could see bridges of madison county the musical on broadway for $1,500? like 20. is anyone else concerned the e trade baby doesn't seem to be aging? the big topic of conversation in the weeks leading up to the super bowl are commercials. i used to look forward to them, but lately i feel like the super bowl commercials have become too commercialized. this morning i went online to watch -- they have sneak previews of the super bowl commercials. they made me sit through a 30-second commercial to see it.
before i was able to watch a commercial for a commercial, i had to watch a commercial 37. i'm stupid. i don't know. 30 seconds of ad time cost $4 million this year. that's $133,000 a second. which is obviously a lo the of money. in fact, some companies who can't afford to pay $4 million are pooling their money to team up to buy one second of commercial time each. >> chicken. smart phone. movie. car. car. car. truck. beer. more beer. >> deodorant. pizza. i don't know what that is. car. just buy a lot of stuff. >> jimmy: see that, it's smart. i don't know if you're aware of this, the missed connections page on craigslist. missed connections is a website where, let's say you run into someone and you meet someone, you're looking at someone for some place and for whatever
information you didn't exchange contact information with them. on missed connection, you can post it and hopefully they will see it. there are thousands of them on craigslist. this one says girl in lion king sweater eating papa johns. you sat across from me upstairs in the union. i like disney a lot and we made eye contact but neither one of us talked. i can tell we would be good friends if we would have. i was eating chic-f-lay wearing a green sweater. >> i thought we could maybe help gived miszed connections page a boost. a little extra attention. here to help me with this tonight, please welcome alison brie. alison. have you been back here the whole time? >> i've just been back here this whole time. for days. >> jimmy: would you like to begin? >> i would.
>> subway. you work on the subway at 434 and tuskawilla. i called you gorgeous. i didn't stay long enough to get a reaction from you. if you respond, tell me your name and what kind of sub i ordered. >> jimmy: walmart paint lady. you were in walmart today buying eight gallons of paint. we had a good conversation but i'm kind of chicken and i didn't ask you for your number. if you see this and are interested, please hit me up. i would like to help you paint and get to know you better. >> ups guy. every time you drop off some boxes for us, when you're leaving, you say have good day. but you stare at my lips for a few seconds. if you want to do something, just do it. go ahead and grab me. if you want to kiss me, kiss me.
>> missed connections. ♪ >> lime walmart guacamole. standing in line, small talk. i've never done this with site. if you see this contact me. talking about seven layer dip with someone else. >> jimmy: talk about that seven kwlar dip. gardner walmart. you were freshly showered. came into walmart. you went to the pet food aisle. this happened 1/26. i know you think i was stalking you, but i was simply just shopping in the same area you were. if this is you, i would love to talk to you.
>> missed connections. ♪ >> cracker barrel. you were on crutches. kammo ball hat. had chops and scrambled eggs. sat across from you and your gf and group of many around 12 today. would love to spread you on my biscuit. >> jimmy: evil river glory hole couple. looking for the eagle river glory hole couple who used to put ads in casual encounters. lost touch several years back. lost your e-mail and number. hope you see this and are still around.
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>> jimmy: the super bowl is on sunday. for most people it means beer and snacks. for my cousin sal it means gambling, a lot of gambling, but mostly gambling. sal bets on the score, the coin toss. if bruno mars hat falls off during the show, his kids get to go to college. he decided to talk to experts, people who know what the future holds. you want to know who's going to win this game? here's cousin sal with psychics. >> how you doing? i have a terrible gambling problem and i need a little help predicting the winner of sunday's game. can i ask you a few questions? >> yes. but i have to look at your hands. >> all right, look at my hand. >> both of them, please. >> both of them? >> yes.
>> open up your mind. you have to choose more clearly. don't take other people's advice. >> okay. i'm not going to listen to anything that you say. you don't have to just bet on the two teams that are playing. you bet on other things. >> other teams? >> no, the coin toss. >> do you have any feeling for that? >> heads. >> based on what? >> this is my perception, i could be wrong because i'm not a baseball player. >> you can't be wrong. you are a baseball player. don't do that to yourself. >> how long will that opera singer's rendition of the national anthem be? >> seven minutes. >> that will go over. it's supposed to go 2 1/2, so i should bet the over, right? >> the game is under. >> the game is under. why do you say that? >> that's what it shows in the lines. i'm reading for what's going on in your lines. >> gun to your head.
could you pass a breathalyzer test right now? >> yes. >> okay. you saw that in my hands, yes? >> i seen that in your hands, yes. which coach do you think will emerge victorious. this one or this one? >> i like this guy. >> this guy? he's going to be the winning coach? >> that's my guy. that's my guy. >> hear that, coach? >> good things. >> in card i do like, 10 of diamonds. it's a strong card, a money card. 7 of diamonds, that's not so much one way or the other. >> right. >> when i look at seattle's line, i see a lot of 4s, but i notice we're getting another 9. now, we don't want 9s. >> this makes so much sense.
>> it does? >> not really. >> who is going to win the big game on sunday? >> denver will be picking to win. >> denver is going to win the game. and this thing right here told you that? >> that one shows to me that it's going to be about the scores. i can't pick up the exact number. it's going to be a close call. >> but that doesn't help me because the point spread is 2 1/2. is it going to be close one or two points or three or four points. >> i definitely feel two or three. that strong vibe. >> that kills me, though. because the spread is 2 1/2. >> that's the numbers i'm picking up. i'm going to put you down for $500. you only have to pay me if you lose. >> my feeling in the end is i'm going to bet on denver. >> denver. >> there's people on that team that people like. >> the most popular player is on denver.
>> okay, that's what i get. >> his name is lebron james. >> that i've heard. >> who is going to win sunday's game? >> denver. >> denver? >> yes. >> how many points. >> what i see? i see 20. >> denver is going to win by 20 points. >> thank you, thank you. we are going to make a lot of money together. one more thing. what's the exercise equipment? >> it's for exercise. >> god, you're good. >> yeah, i am. they all like denver. who are you taking on sunday? >> first, i'm going to take a shot of penicillin for making out with that crazy broad. and as much as lebron james has done for the bronco, i say seahawks 26-21. >> jimmy: so that was entirely a waste of time then, right? >> yeah, i don't know why we did
it. >> jimmy: cousin sal, everybody. thank you, sal. look at cleto for a second over here. he used to really have this hair. time for or weekly tribute to the fcc. >> the house and senate have several big tommics on their agenda, including unemployment, the farm bill and the return of the [ bleep ] debate. >> suffice it to say, man, [ bleep ] you. >> you cook our troops meals or wash their [ bleep ] you should not have to live in poverty. >> my parents used to say to me cathy, you need to [ bleep ] so you can go to college one day. and so i did. >> just moments ago during our commercial break.
>> los angeles dermatologist and author of "[ bleep ] your face" dr. jessica wu is with us. mack it rain, make it rain. and mother [ bleep ] made it rain. >> ple[ bleep ] this is footbal weather. >> what kind of bloody [ bleep ] our own michael simon will [ bleep ] later in the show. >> i really want to [ bleep ] the jamaican one. >> when i'm not playing football, i am -- >> playing [ bleep ] on the cartoon network. >> our first lady sets a good example. michelle's -- >> jimmy: alison brie is here. we'll be right back with za zac efron.
>> jimmy: tonight on the program, you know her from "mad men" and "community," on february 7th she tackles her most difficult role yet. half kitten, half unicorn in the lego movie. alison brie is here. and then, her latest album is called "the blessed unrest." sara bareilles from the sony outdoor stage.
next week, ashton kutcher will be here, dr. oz will be with us, as will sarah paulson, from "captain phillips," oscar nominee barkhad abdi will join us. we'll have music from zedd, the lone bellow, and the head and the heart. and one week from tonight, next thursday, we will be joined by the cast of the movie "the monuments men." george clooney, bill murray, cate blanchett, john goodman, bob balaban, and, unfortunately, matt damon will be here too. it was a package deal. hopefully his flight will get canceled or something. and one more programming note. the week of march 10th we're taking our show on the road to austin, texas for the annual south by southwest music festival. a lot of people have been asking when they can get tickets. the answer is now. tickets for the shows are available starting now at kimmelinaustin.com. we hope to see you there. that will be a lot of fun. so go and get your tickets and join us there. [ applause ] >> jimmy: after ushering a generation of teenage girls into puberty with a beguiling combination of basketball and dance, our first guest has gone on to big success in the movies.
his new comedy is called "that awkward moment," it opens in theaters tomorrow, please say hello to zac efron. [ applause ] >> jimmy: i'm just going to warn you right off the top. [ applause ] >> jimmy: there's a maniac in the audience. >> dude, i actually like you right now. >> jimmy: when i came out, i thought he was excited to see me. turns out it's you. >> thanks, man. >> jimmy: you had a pretty bad accident like a few months ago, right? >> i actual will you did. i broke my jaw. >> jimmy: i'm observing your
jaw. did you have it wired shut? >> i did. i was running through my house and i slipped and fell and hit my face. >> jimmy: how many times have i told you not to run through the house? >> i know. let me start over. the story starts kind of cool because i have a fountain in my house. that's kind of dope, right? so i slipped on water and hit my chin on my waetner my house. it's not a big fountain. luckily my brother was there. i was like oh, geez, man. he's like are you okay? i said i don't know, man, am i okay? he said no, you're not okay. he said we're going to the hospital. okay, next thing i know i'm waking up and -- >> jimmy: did you get stitches like that. >> my jaw was wired shut. i couldn't talk. >> jimmy: how long? >> six weeks. >> jimmy: oh, wow. was it before -- did you have to drink your -- >> i was drinking solidly for six weeks. only liquid foods. >> jimmy: that's got to be terrible.
>> it sucks. ? >> i would you get special foods brought in or would you throw things in the vitamix and blend it up. >> a little of both. a big shoutout to vitad you saved my freaking life. >> jimmy: you lost a lot of weight? >> 12 or 13 pounds. >> jimmy: you ought to write a book about how to lose weight. fist get a fountain in your house. did you learn a lesson about horse play? >> i hope so, jimmy. >> jimmy: were there any roles you missed out of because of that injury? >> luckily, i had finished filming, i had just finished this movie with seth rogan called "neighbors." >> jimmy: have you known other? >> no. i'm pretty stoked on the movie. it's one of the coolest ones i think i've ever been a part of.
but the first time i met seth, i had just done "high school musical one" or two. i don't know. i still feel brand-new to the industry. but when i met seth, i could not help -- like could not walk by him without saying how much of a fan i was. just genuinely had to tell him how much i loved his work and looked up to him. and so i, like, took a deep breath, walked over and just said seth, i have to meet you. my name is zac. i'm an actor. he goes i know who you are. i'm like i want to tell you i'm a huge fan, i love your work, i respect you, i want to work with your some day. he looked at me like [ bleep ] i just wanted to hate you. before you came over here and we had the conversation, i genuinely wanted to dislike you for every single reason known to man. i was like okay, cool. but he's like now i can't. damn it.
now you're actually cool. i said well, i hope we work together someday. he's like now i kind of do, too. >> jimmy: do you typically kind of get excited about seeing people? or are you over that now? people you admired growing up or whatever. actors that you're star struck by? >> i don't know if you ever get over respecting your erldelders. >> jimmy: ask my parents, i don't know. >> parents are one thing. but like, no. i save my voice mails. >> jimmy: you do? >> somebody i look up to calls me. >> jimmy: will you keep an eye on your phone? or transfer it to a computer? >> i just love them. >> jimmy: whose voice mails? >> michael jackson gave me one. >> jimmy: he did? >> was that ever used in a court proceeding? why was he calling you? how old were you when michael jackson called you?
>> i can't go there. i have no comment. >> jimmy: you're pleading the fifth. who else? >> let's see, michelle pfeiffer. i was pretty excited about that one. oh, matthew mcconaughey left me a good one. right after paper boy. he just called to say what up? >> jimmy: what did he say on that message? >> he was like, zachery dackery dock. hey, how are you, man? just checking in, seeing how you're doing. >> jimmy: that's pretty good. even with the jaw. i saw your movie today, it's very funny. it's very dirty. kids in "high school musical" are going to be upset. "awkward moment" opens in theatres tomorrow. we'll be right back with za zac efron.
>> jimmy kimmel live concert series is brought to you by sony. [ girl ] can we get a little help? focus fellas. we've got pepsi. what if we just take like 15 minutes? halfway through the game? they've got pepsi. [ whistle blows ] ♪ oh, yeah, yeah ♪ oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah so what do we call that? halftime. i like halftime. [ male announcer ] even the first halftime wasn't halftime without pepsi. because it's not football without halftime. and it's not halftime without pepsi. you're saying i can get at&t's network with a data plan and unlimited talk and text for as low as $45 a month? $45 a month. wow...no annual contract. no annual contract. no long-term agreement. no long-term agreement. really? really. ok, so what's the catch? there is no catch. ok, i'm obviously getting nowhere with you. i'm gonna need to speak with the supervisor. i am the supervisor. oh, finally someone i can talk to. [ male announcer ] it's not complicated. new smartphone plans starting at $45 a month, with no annual contract. only from at&t.
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>> i've been out of the game so long i forgot how much i misthis. >> you were never in the game, you're a married doctor. >> that's for you, that's for you. >> that's a weird mint, dude. >> i know, it's viagra. >> you have four days to drink like kingrey chards. >> every action movie has a ticking clock, right?
>> "awkward moments" opens tomorrow. so tell everybody what the movie is about. the basic idea. >> the movie follows three guys sort of dating in new york. and -- >> jimmy: not each other. they're dating -- >> yeah, dating girls in new york. and it's awesome. it's kind of like -- this sounds weird to say, but people are calling it like "sex in the city" for guys. that sounds strange coming out of my mouth, but that's what people are saying. >> jimmy: they should tell you to stop saying that, though. >> it is a romantic comedy. but even that term sounds weird saying. it's romantic. it's [ bleep ] hilarious -- excuse me, it's friking hilarious. >> jimmy: what is happening to you? ever since you started drinking liquid foods. you really -- have your parents seen the movie yet? >> yes, my mom and dad were at
the prosecute emir. i don't know whether they approved. >> jimmy: i have to say, i learned something from the movie. i'm not going to say what it is, buzz it will ruin the scene in the movie. becau but i actually learned something about it. it involves being naked and horizontal. >> you're going to show a picture. >> jimmy: i'm not. but i got a tip from you. >> it works, right? >> jimmy: i don't know, i just saw it today. but i'm going to try it. >> that was improv. that was all me. i invented that trick. >> jimmy: that's very impressive. >> no, but -- >> jimmy: well, i'm surprised at that, i have to say. i thought some comedy writer just conjured up. i don't know that people were actually doing it. >> no, i'm just that good. >> jimmy: well, the ladies are going to like it. thank you for being here. congratulations on the movie. it's called "that awkward
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>> jimmy: i want to say, i have a glass of ice tea. you look great cleo. i took a great big gulp of it and someone replaced it with whiskey. i might not make it to the end of the show, folks. >> jimmy: our next guest is a busy and gifted actress with a lot of range. she is funny on "community," dramatic on "mad men" and now, plastic in "the lego movie," which opens in theatres february 7th. please welcome alison brie. >> jimmy: if you smell alcohol
on my breath, i don't want you to think i'm a drunk getting loaded during the show. >> boozing out here. i had whiskey back there. it was mine. >> jimmy: oh is that what that was? >> jimmy: i drank your whiskey. how are you doing? you haven't been hit by a fountain or anything? >> no, no. i'm great. i'm especially great. >> jimmy: why are you especially great? >> i just went to the chiropractor today. for the first time. i've never been through a chiropractor before. it was a new experience. >> jimmy: you have to watch out for those guys. did they try to get you on a schedule? >> he didn't. he was like i never want to see you again. no, he wasn't. he was great. he was great. i was super excited to see him. he's a really tough guy to see. everybody raves about him. he's very renowned. i made this appointment like a month ago. and i was so looking forward. i've been waiting to go.
so today recommended. and he goes, oh, just so you know, he might touch your vagina. but don't worry, he does it to everyone. >> jimmy: was he kidding? >> no, he wasn't kidding. he wasn't kidding. i was like -- i think i was sort of -- is there a medical reason that he does it? or does he just do it to everyone and nobody minds because he's that good of a chiropractor? and why am i just getting the warning now. you know i made this appointment a month ago. and my friend is like oh, no, don't worry. he does it to me, too. he's the only other man who's ever touched my pea us eed my . he had to move it out of the way. which was just the way he tried
to let me know that he's well endowed. he had to move it out of the way. couldn't even see my back. he had to get that thing out of the way to realign. >> jimmy: so you went anyway. >> so i was even more excited to go. but i also thought, this is a really classy guy. i've heard about mhim from so many people. >> jimmy: some of the classiest guys do that. >> he has a nice office in beverly hills. so i get there and i walk in and it's like, it's a nice building. and it is in beverly hills. but i get there, there's nobody anywhere. i'm thinking oh, it will be like a normal building. a secretary might be there. there's no one. there's like a phone off the hook. no, there wasn't. but i was sort of like okay, just kind of waited. you joust wonder. it's not like there's credentials hanging on the wall. >> jimmy: this all seems very, very bad. >> but i stayed.
it took so long to get the a i poim. >> jimmy: when they make your wait. >> so i go in, i meet him and he's very nice and we're kind of -- he's looking at stuff and then sure enough he gives me the speech as well. and he has me lie on his table. and he like just so you know, i'm going to have to realign your hips and i just want you to know i'm going to kind of have to get in this area. but i just want you to know i'm totally above board. i'm a standup guy. >> jimmy: yeah, right. >> i was like oh, good, because i don't want losers hanging out around here. i only want the good guys to get in this area. >> jimmy: did he follow through on that promise/threat? >> he did. >> jimmy: he did? >> it was everything i had hoped it would be. >> jimmy: oh, you liked it. >> it was great. it was really great. okay, wait, additionally -- >> jimmy: there's more?
are you pregnant? >> we won't know for a few weeks. as he's adjusting me, we start talking and i guess my friend told him that i'm an actor. so he's like, you know, made an adjustment. he's like so you're an actress. should i know you from something? i don't watch any tv. i was like oh, well, probably not. i work on a show called "community" and "mad men." oh, my god, "mad men." i love that show. it's the only show i watch. and i get kind of cocky. i'm like, you know, i hear that a lot from people that don't watch any tv that they love "mad men." and he's going on. it's great, it's so good. talking about it. charlie sheen was great on it. i'm sad he's gone. >> jimmy: two and a half mad men. >> yeah, two and a half mad men is a hilarious show. >> jimmy: a guy who likes
charlie sheen touched your vagina today? that's not good. >> i should have known better. and yet it was a wonderful experience. >> jimmy: and what better segue into "the lego movie." >> agreed. >> jimmy: is this -- this is a children's movie. >> it's for kids. i'm known for my work with kids. >> jimmy: tell me what this is. you built this? >> i thook photo with my phone. there's my character, unikitty. >> jimmy: half unicorn, half kitten. >> she has a little horn but she's a kitchen. and her little friend snail. >> jimmy: you built this? >> well, yeah, i did. they sent me a bunch of lego -- i learn that you're not supposed to say lego. the plural of lego is lego. >> yeah, like lego my lego. >> jimmy: it doesn't seem like they should be allowed to make that decision.
it seems like we should make that decision as a society. >> i've been told. now i really feel strange about it. i've always said legos. >> jimmy: it is legos. i don't care what they say. >> yeah! hold on, i'm going to go call. i'm fired? >> jimmy: between the vagina stuff and the legos, you're in a lot of trouble. >> they sent me a bunch. and i hadn't -- i'm sure i played with them as a kid. i'm more -- >> jimmy: played with what? lego? i know you thought i was going to say something dirty but i wasn't. that is on you. that is on you. very sick. well, it's very good to see you. congratulations on your new relationship with your chiropract chiropractor. and the lego movie" opens in theatres february 7. alison brie, everybody.
>> jimmy: i'd like to thank zac efron, alison brie, and apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time. "nightline" is next, but first, playing the title track from her album "the blessed unrest," sara bareilles. ♪ let the bough break let it come down crashing let the sun fade out to a dark sky ♪ ♪ i can't say i'd even notice it was absent 'cause i could live by the light in your eyes ♪ ♪ i'll unfold before you would have strung together the very first words
of a lifelong love letter ♪ ♪ tell the world that we finally got it all right i choose you ♪ ♪ i will become yours and you will become mine i choose you i choose you ♪ ♪ oh-oh-oh there was a time when i would have believed them ♪ ♪ if they told me you could not come true just love's illusion but then you found me ♪ ♪ and everything changed and i believe in something again my whole heart ♪ ♪ will be yours forever this is a beautiful start
and as long as it takes ♪ ♪ i will prove my love to you i am not scared of the elements ♪ ♪ i am under-prepared but i am willing and even better i get to be the ♪ ♪ other half of you tell the world that we finally got it all right i choose you ♪ ♪ i choose you i do i will become yours and you will become mine i choose you ♪ ♪ i choose you i do i choose you i choose you i do i choose you ♪
>> tonight on "nightline," amanda knox is now a convicted murderer again. hours ago, a shocking decision out of an italian court. knox found guilty for a second time of murdering her roommate. so will she go back to prison? tonight, she and her family say they are frightened but ready to fight. >> for truth, it's not going to stop. >> plus, the making of a superad. as we approach the biggest night of the year for madison avenue -- >> i don't like the fact that it's looking this way. >> we go behind the scenes of one of the most talked about commercials. and the company betting it all on the doberwawa. and younger