tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC March 10, 2015 11:35pm-12:38am PDT
>> jimmy: thank you for watching. i had an interesting night last night. after we taped our show here i raced over to a studio about a mile away from here to be on the bachelor after the final rose special where the bachelor and his new fiance come out of hiding, like ground hogs. and they announce the new bachelorettes. bachelorettes are going to have two this season. and at the end of the first episode, the guys in the house are going to pick one of them, and she alone will be the bachelorette. which a lot of fans seem to be upset about it.
they say it's women compete. when you get down to two, no. anyway, i was there last night to give the bachelor, chris, and his fiance whitney an engagement gift, because he's a farmer, i gave them a cow, a live cow, which was a joke. but i was talking to chris after the show, he said, you know, i'd really like to keep that cow. i was like, oh. i don't know how we're going to get it on the plane, but. so this is why it's important to have a bridal registry, it really is. they announced today that bachelor chris will be joining the cast of "dancing with the stars." they made him quite an offer. how would you like to not go back to arlington, iowa for a while? i am in, what's the gig?
[cheers and applause] i'm glad he's doing it, because you can't go directly from sharing a house with 30 beautiful women to planting sorghum. there needs to be a transition period of some kind. and in an official statement, he said joining the cast of "dancing with the stars" was the hardest decision he had to make but he was excited about the amazing journey in front of him. his dance partner is also named whitney. his fiance's whitney, and his dance partner is whitney carson who lost last season. and it looks like they're dating. how crazy would it be after all that bacheloring they fall in love on "dancing with the stars"? [cheers and applause] all very, very exciting. a new season of dancing with the stars starts on monday. it's crazy, right, guillermo, the whole thing? >> yeah. very crazy. >> jimmy: by the way, sunday was
international women's day, a day on which we honor women all around the world. [cheers and applause] a lot of people, a lot of people posted inspirational messages and photos on social media, and our own guillermo was one of them. in fact, this is what guillermo posted to instagram on sunday. it says happy internal woman's day. women are the best. and that's the photograph three posted along with it. i have so many questions about this. first of all, what is internal woman day? is that different from? >> no, happy national women's day. >> jimmy: and instead, that's what came out. and why did you post a photo of yourself being made up to look like a zombie. >> i went like this and i push it, and -- >> jimmy: sot was a mistake? >> yeah, it was a mistake. >> jimmy: not some weird
statement about following and mindlessness and that kind of thing? >> no. >> jimmy: anyway, you got 916 likes, so i think you're okay. name two women who changed history. go. >> michelle obama and hillary clinton. >> jimmy: all right. well, that's good. i'm impressed. >> i told you. >> jimmy: will you hand this to me, i mentioned this last week in the show, and we got ahold of it. this is -- there's a new seasonal beverage on the market, called peach-flavored milk. beuse in this busy, fast-paced world, who has time to chew their marsh mallows. they don't sell it in california. they shipped it to us. there's three flavors, marsh mallow, chocolate marsh mallow
and easter eggnog. it does not do a body good. you want to come over here and try some of this? >> okay. >> jimmy: what are you worried about? you hold and i'll pour. which one do you want to try? >> let's go with the chocolate? >> jimmy: no, let's go with the marsh mallow. we all know what chocolate tastes like. oh, boy, it looks healthy. >> you are supposed to be on a diet. >> jimmy: i guess we won't toast. >> oh, sorry. you can only toast with tequila. >> jimmy: tastes like the circus. it tasting like what i would imagine it would taste like to be breast-fed by a mother clown. [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: hold on. all right. we'll share this one. you try it, then i'll try it.
don't get any in your beautiful mustache. what does that one taste like? >> this one's better? >> jimmy: really? i like the other one. >> i like the second one. >> jimmy: the reason they sell it for easter, you're like, jesus! [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: let me put these away. put them back in the fridge so we can have them later. maybe we'll have the american idol judges judge these for us. this is a bad thing for parents to give their children. speaking of parents and children. there's a new study by researchers from ohio state and the university of am tsterdam tt giving your child too much praise can harm them late earth in li -- in life. they become more narcissistic.
narcissism is a the condition of excessive self-interest that affects approximately one out of every one kardashian. [ applause ] if you're too hard on your kids, they grow up with no self-confidence, but if you praise them too much, they grow up to be narcissists. what do these little monsters want from us? it's all about parents. my parents for instance kept me grounded by forcing me to wear tough skins jeans and forgetting to pick me up a lot. i think this will help a lot. grab a pen and grab something to write on. >> your kids, they are absolutely perfect. but too much praise can damage their fragile egos. so try a more balanced approach. >> you are such a great artist. but you do suck at everything else. >> you have the most beautiful eyes. but your voice is incredibly
annoying. you'll have to work on that. >> you make daddy so proud. for a bedwetter. >> it's important to praise your child. >> you can be anything you want to be. >> but honesty is important too. >> you booger-eating crybaby. >> paid for by check your kids before you wreck your kids.org. >> jimmy: please, please do not go to it. you know, hollywood is an unusual place. it's populated with all manner of interesting people, my friend yahya is a man i met who grabs celebrities and forces them to take photos with him. he has a book full of all these pictures and is here to show some of them off. please say hello to yahya,
everybody. [cheers and applause] how are you? why are you running? why are you running? >> he said to run. >> jimmy: they told you to run? >> yeah. >> jimmy: are you in the right spot? >> is that right, guys? [cheers and applause] >> jimmy kimmel is the best. i love him from my heart. >> jimmy: thank you, yahya. you have photos of a lot of celebrities. of all you've taken a photograph with, who is your favorite? your number one favorite? >> marlon brando did not stop for me. >> jimmy: your favorite, somebody you like the best. >> now? >> jimmy: of all of them. >> mike wahlberg. i love him and he love me too. >> jimmy: who loves you too? >> mike wahlberg. >> jimmy: okay, great. so brad pitt and mark wahlberg
have been very nice. let's take a look at the pictures and you tell us the circumstances surrounding the photographs. who is this in the photograph. >> lady gaga. she's not famous. somebody my friend tell me take a picture with this lady. who's that? i don't know her. >> jimmy: though is before. >> yes, after i got the picture she is famous now. >> jimmy: all right. next up? okay. who's that guy? >> i don't know his name. [ laughter ] he's actor. >> jimmy: yeah, right. >> but he don't stop for picture. >> jimmy: looks like he did. you do not know who this is, though? >> he do a show on tv, i don't know. >> jimmy: his name is larry david. >> larry davis. >> jimmy: close enough. >> michael. >> jimmy: somebody got this picture of you taking a picture.
>> one guy paparazzi, he tell me where you something i won't say the name, come here to sunset. >> jimmy: you just said the name. >> gook suit. >> jimmy: you just said the name. >> he said michael inside the club, the door. and i said hi to him. he don't know me, but i know him because he familiar show. >> jimmy: who did? >> michael. he said i love you. i said mike, i take picture. i'm happy. i put my camera to focus only my face. the paparazzi, don't send myself. >> jimmy: you don't sell your stuff. you do it purely pour th lly fo. >> yes, he's nice guy, very quiet. >> jimmy: very quiet now. who is this guy? >> he had longer hair. i forget. alec baldwin? >> jimmy: no, it's not alec baldwin. >> i don't know.
i forget. >> jimmy: he's got the same first name as the last guy we saw. no, not alec. >> bolton, bolton. >> jimmy: what's his first name? >> i don't know. >> jimmy: okay. let's go to the next one. that was michael bolton. who's this lady? >> she's a comedian. >> jimmy: what is her name? >> comedian police, sandra bullock? >> jimmy: she was with sandra bullock. >> and she was in the movie with bill murray? >> jimmy: yes, bill murray. >> it was funny. >> jimmy: what, do you know her name? >> no. >> jimmy: melissa mccarthy. who's this guy? >> that's the guy from the moon. [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: yeah. >> he walk like, i take picture
of you. it's very nice. >> jimmy: very nice, yeah. >> he's just machine, something, i don't know. computer? i don't know. but he stop for me to make peace. >> jimmy: oh, all right. who do we have next? who's this guy? >> oh, that's the guy become woman now. >> jimmy: yeah, that's the rumor, yeah. >> he's seth parker for kim kardashian. >> jimmy: do you know his name? he's olympic champion. >> he have something in his hand. >> jimmy: olympics. >> i saw him downtown the liquor. i stop ang and i get the pictur. >> jimmy: you speak greek, right? >> yeah, i speak greek.
>> jimmy: how is it you can't say olympics? you know him, what is his name? >> roger something. >> jimmy: roger something. >> he's a friend of eminem. >> jimmy: yeah, he is. >> and he make fun. and they stop for me. i got picture with him. >> jimmy: do you know his name? >> dr. dre. >> jimmy: and that? >> i got that last week. but that is friend of the guy who do laugh? the camera don't capture this guy. >> jimmy: oh, wow. don't you hate when that happens? >> i don't know. it's okay. but nice guy. >> jimmy: yeah. >> he stop for me. >> jimmy: that's jerry. >> the comedian, talking. >> jimmy: jerry. >> jerry, what? >> jimmy: no, jerry what is a basketball player.
jerry seinfeld. i think we have one more. >> oh. [cheers and applause] >> she's in the show tonight. >> jimmy: she's in the show tonight. yahya, what is this woman's name? >> jennifer lopez. >> jimmy: thank you, yahya. [cheers and applause] we'll be right back. eric andré is here. and we'll be right back with jennifer lopez, keith urban and harry connick, jr. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ yeah, girl >> dicky: abc jimmy kimmel live brought to you by progressive. ♪ and, uh, i just can't fight it anymore ♪ ♪ it's bundle time ♪ bundle ♪ mm, feel those savings, baby and that's how a home and auto bundle is made.
better he learns it here than on the streets. the miracle of bundling -- now, that's progressive. this is a sandwich.dwiches introducing the new subway turkey italiano melt. tender oven-roasted turkey breast. robust genoa salami. smoky, spicy pepperoni. when these big 3 meet under a blanket of melty provolone, with that tangy new subway vinaigrette... something delicious happens. only one place to get a fresh toasted sandwich this great on freshly baked bread. the new turkey italiano melt. only at subway. it's a significant improvement over the infiniti we had... we went around the country, talking to people who made the switch to ford. the brand more people buy. and buy again. oh i love it... we test-drove the escape... we both said, "i think that's the one"... and i really enjoy the pep in its step... that's the ecoboost... when the four of us go out, we don't take their car... we always take our car. this was like a huge upgrade. it's awesome!
the new image of ford now looks really refined... this is a very nice car. for us, the escape was just right. see your ford dealer today. "what is it that we can do that is impactful?" what the cloud enables is computing to empower cancer researchers. it used to take two weeks to sequence and analyze a genome;
>> jimmy: hello everyone. tonight, from the new show on fxx called "man seeking woman," and his own talk show on adult swim, eric andré is here. then later - his album is called "fuse" -- keith urban from the at&t stage. tomorrow night, liam neeson and octavia spencer will be here, and we'll have music from awolnation. and on thursday, we'll be joined by sean penn and president barack obama. [cheers and applause] i need to ask the president what he's going to do about peeps-flavored milk.
and this is exciting too -- next week we're headed back to austin, texas for the south by southwest festival. we will be there all week, from monday through friday live from the long center, with matthew mcconaughey, kevin hart, julia louis-dreyfus, brad paisley, tony romo, willie nelson and many more. so please join us for that. and if you're in the austin area, we'd like to see you in person, too. >> jimmy: our first guests tonight are three talented performers who are searching for even more talented performers to one day replace them in the search for talented performers. "american idol" airs live tomorrow and thursday nights on fox. please welcome jennifer lopez, keith urban and harry connick, jr. ♪ [cheers and applause]
>> jimmy: oh, my goodness. i almost forgot, you judges, let's find out what you guys think of the peeps flavored -- >> i already know what i think. >> i went to a peeps outlet store the other day, i'm serious, is peeps so expensive that you have to go to an outlet store? maybe a damaged peep, ear chewn >> used peeps. >> jimmy: chocolate marsh mallow for harry. would you mind passing that down? >> the only reason i said yes is i knew jennifer lopez and keith urban and jimmy kimmel would be touching the glass first.
>> jimmy: would you like some peeps milk? >> let me try the eggnog. >> okay. i'll try the marsh mallow. >> jimmy: this is the eggnog. i'm going to make myself a little suicide, as we call it, maybe mix them up and see what happens. and? the judges say? >> it's going to hollywood. >> jimmy: it is going to hollywood, keith? >> that's amazing. >> yikes. >> it is kind of good. it's just pure sugar. >> it's like milky sugar. >> jimmy: it's like the bottom of the cereal bowl without having to eat cereal. a little rum would be nice. thank you guys for coming. do you travel everywhere together? >> yes. >> yes. in a little van. >> jimmy: are you getting along? it seems like you get along. >> yeah, we do. >> jimmy: maybe not. who has the biggest dressing room of all three of you on the
set of american idol? >> wow. >> well, ryan, but he's not here. ryan seacrest. >> jimmy: he does, really? >> i think so. >> yeah, he does. he's a diva. >> jimmy: besides ryan, yours is the biggest? >> amazing. >> not amazing. >> ours are right next to each other, and they're exactly the same. >> your dressing room is so big it has its own area code. for real. >> they like to make fun of me because of the jewelry and all the whole thing. the girl -- >> jimmy: you're the only girl. >> they all have just as many clothes. come on. >> well, harry does. >> ryan does. >> jimmy: ryan has more jewelry than you. >> but you can't see it. he wears it all in very discreet places. >> jimmy: i did not know that. >> that's all i'm saying. >> have you seen "fifty shades
of grey"? >> i think i saw ryan in that too. >> jimmy: besides the chemistry between you, you each have a very different genre of music in which you specialize. and because of that, i think you are able to look at a very different group of people. >> absolutely. >> jimmy: and you're able to evaluate these people individually. what was the first concert you went to, do you remember? >> yeah, of course. >> jimmy: what was it? >> menudo. my favorite was charlie. i don't know if anybody -- this is going back. >> no, i don't remember charlie. >> jimmy: charlie's probably pulling his hair out of his head right now. did you meet charlie? >> i never met charlie, no, i never met him. >> jimmy: oh, poor charlie. i wish we had charlie here to pull him out. he's standing right over there, there he is.
>> hi! >> how are you? >> jimmy: how about you, keith? >> charlie did good. >> jimmy: yeah, charlie's looking really good. what was your first? >> johnny cash. >> jimmy: where did you see johnny cash? >> in brisbon when i was about 6. my dad took our whole family, my brother and i to see johnny cash. brought the little country shirts and bolo ties, and off we went to see johnny cash, it was amazing. >> jimmy: so your dad must have been into country music. >> loved country music. i'd never been to anything like that. when you're 6 years old, and the first big group of people you see is at a johnny cash crowd, they were loud and crazy. i remember being in this hall, and he walks out. we had crap seats probably. he starts singing, and the whole
place, you could hear a pin drop. and i was, like, oh, my god, it was incredible. >> jimmy: how about you, harry? >> well, as a young latino, i went to menudo too. >> jimmy: i don't believe it. >> no, i went to a power station. do you remember power station? >> jimmy: yeah. >> wait, wait, wait. >> jimmy: robert palmer. >> and john taylor was playing bass from duran duran. and my girlfriend was screaming her head off for john taylor. and i hated him. i hated life. and i had to like, dance and pretend i was into it, like whoo! it was awful. >> jimmy: when we come back, keith is going to perform for us. when he performs will you guys stand by and critique him,
decide whether he can go home or not? we've got the "american idol" judges here. ♪ [cheers and applause] talk to ca, i'll remind you. oh, and remind me to get roses when i'm near any store. sure thing. remind you when you get to store. cortana, it's gonna be a great night. oh, wow! thanks for the traffic alert. i better get going. you're making me look good. thanks, cortana. you bet. ♪
has 48 hour sweat protection antiperspirant plus 1/4 moisturizer technology. it keeps your under arms dry without irritation. tough on sweat not on skin. gets you cleaner, but cottowill it make peopleexture confident enough to go commando? how was your wiping experience? ok. why do you think ripples are so great? probably ripples would just clean better. yeah, why? just...would pick up more layers. do you feel confident enough to go commando? go commando...uh...yeah sure.
congratulations! i did it! how do you feel? fresh! only cottonelle has cleanripple texture, so going cottonelle means you can go commando. stick it to temptation ♪ with new special k protein cinnamon brown sugar crunch. each hearty bowl is packed with protein and fiber. satisfy your hunger with special k. temptation... ...gets licked. special k strawberry protein shakes are packed with protein and fiber. satisfy your hunger with special k. the volkswagokay.tta is really fun-to-drive. go for it. wow... woohoo! i'm dreaming... pinch me. no, not while you're driving. and, right now, you can get a one-thousand-dollar volkswagen credit bonus on jetta models. seriously, pinch me. it's not a dream. ow! it's the volkswagen stop dreaming, start driving event.
stop dreaming, and test-drive one today. hurry in and you can get 0% apr plus a $1000 volkswagen credit bonus on 2015 jetta d passat models. made it. hold the elevator! you have to wait! hit door close. i was trying to hit door open for you. can you move? right into your closet! your outfit is amazing. what? it's old navy. i'm going to catch the next one. wait a minute, all of that is old navy? yea, pixie pants are twenty-five bucks, this new boyfriend tee is only ten. my kale smoothie is more than that. can we go?! would you cool your jets? pants tops and jeans are up to 40% off right now. i gotta go. put my groceries away for me! i gotta go to old navy! ♪ what's better than nachos and beer? nachos, brisket and beer... new brisket nachos bar snacks start under $5 only at applebee's.
my nai'm a lineman for pg&e out of the concord service center. i have lived here pretty much my whole life. i have been married for twelve years. i have 3 kids. i love living here and i love working in my hometown. at pg&e we are always working to upgrade reliability to meet the demands of the customers. i'm there to do the safest job possible - not only for them, but everybody, myself included that lives in the community. i'm very proud to do the work that i do and say that i am a lineman for pg&e because it's my hometown. it's a rewarding feeling. [cheers and applause] >> jimm >> jimmy: we are back with the judges from "american idol." these are the first live shows. are you worried when you're on the air live? do you have to re-train yourself not to use profanity, that kind of thing? >> an a little bit.
not profanity, but you do have to get ready to be on and to be doing it, you know. >> jimmy: are there any talented people left in the united states of america? any undiscovered >> yeah. and they're all on this season. >> jimmy: you guys are going to one show a week coming up here, is that correct? >> right. >> jimmy: will you get paid the same amount of money? >> ryan's getting more. >> jimmy: with the jewelry and the upkeep and all that. >> big trailer. >> jimmy: and you still enjoy doing the show? >> i love it. honestly, we have the best time. we get to talk about music, which is what we live for, and, you know, it's just a good time. >> jimmy: harry posts some unusual pictures of himself. this is a picture of both harry and keith. >> can i please explain this? there's some people, so i said, keith, put your arm over your
shoulder because i want people to think jokingly that that's my arm. and i wrote hey, look at this cool new tattoo i have, a lady named niko did it, because keith's wife is nicole. i said, why would i get somebody to tattoo their name on my arm, but what i'm wondering is people said how could you let somebody do that. the pressing question is, if you really think that's my arm, should we not consider the abnormality of my arm growing out of my neck? before we -- [ applause ] >> the tattoo is not important at all. that's a serious anatomical problem. i would say, dude, you need to get that looked at. >> jimmy: it's severely dislocated. a few general questions to the three of you. who is most likely in this group to keep everybody else waiting? >> again, ryan.
he really needs to be here. >> no, probably me. it would probably be me. every once in a while. >> she's worth the wait, because look at jen and look at us. [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: who would be most likely to see a psychic? >> me. >> jimmy: you? >> yeah. i think all the questions are going to be me. by the way, you grew up in new orleans, so maybe i feel like you too. >> we see witch doctors. >> different thing. >> jimmy: who would be most likely to make love to their own music? >> oh, harry for sure. >> keith. he's a romantic. he is such a romantic. >> jimmy: morrow -- more romantic.
>> jimmy: who's more likely to pick up a check at a restaurant? >> if we jen. >> jimmy: who is most likely to fall asleep at work? >> not us. jen gets cold. and there's a heater -- here's the deal, you know what, people always say how come you don't stand up after performances. i'm not wearing any pants! it is so hot! >> they're crazy. >> that's why god gave us -- that's why we have us. >> i can't walk out with uggs. >> jimmy: you're right. you made the right decision. >> jimmy: "american idol" airs live tomorrow and thursday night at 8 on fox. we'll be right back. >> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by
at&t. mobilizing your world. female vo: i actually have a whole lot of unused vacation days, but where am i gonna go? i just don't have the money to travel right now. i usually just go back home to see my parents, so i can't exactly go globe-trotting. if i had friends to go with i'd go, but i don't want to travel by myself. someday. male vo: there are no more excuses. find the hotel you want, and the flight you want, and we'll find the savings to get you there. it's back, olive garden's buy one take one, starting at $12.99. start tonight with our mouth-watering garlic breadsticks, freshly tossed signature salad, and your choice of irresistible entrees, like new citrus chicken sorrento. then choose another delicious dish to take home for tomorrow, like cavatappi with asiago garlic alfredo. go for dinner tonight and take home another entrée for later. it's double the delicious. buy one take one, starting at $12.99. at olive garden,
we're all family here. (spoken in japanese) (spoken in japanese) reliability, is now an american thing. introducing the all new chrysler 200 america's import find it at chrysler.com new fructis is your hafull & plush.ickness? with pomegranate and fibra cylane. it expands and strengthens each strand. get big, bigger, massive hair. fructis full & plush. the strength to shine. garnier. ♪
music from keith urban is on the way, but first it's time to go out on the street. we want to play something weird, called say something weird for a pickle. i don't think it needs to be explained. here we go. >> hey, would you say something weird for a pickle? >> hell, no. >> sir, would you say something weird for a pickle? >> yeah. >> would you say something weird for a pickle? >> something weird? >> not clever. sir, would you say something weird for a pickle? would you say something weird for a pickle. >> okay. something weird. >> same thing the last guy di >> there is a pickle in my face right now. >> that's like really obvious. you described what's happening. hi, i'm sorry, would you say something weird for a pickle? >> no. ah! no, no. >> but you did something weird, you did the weirdest thing of
all, you did the weirdest thing of all, though. she candidate weirdest thing. ma'am, ma'am, the whole thing is -- the whole thing of it is if you say something weird you get a pickle. you're the weirdest of all. ma'am, would you say something weird for a pickle. >> weird? >> something weird. >> okay. can i pick my nose? >> you want to enjoy the pickle? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's, we'll be right back with eric andre.
thatgood job. nice coating. and get this one next. whoa! what are you guys doing? making sure nothing sticks. otherwise, we gotta scrub all this stuff off. huh, what? nobody thought of this before? what's wrong with people? dish issues? not with improved cascade platinum. it powers through... your toughest, starchy messes... better than finish's best... the first time. as if your dishes were non-stick. cascade. now that's clean. tyeah i'm eating right, i'm doing the tough dodger. what's the tough dodger? oh it's a triathalon, but with dodgeballs. however you're staying fit, start with a delicious subway fresh fit sub like the protein-packed turkey breast. subway. eat fresh.
out of the blue party with rockstars,n like fall out boy. follow us on twitter and hashtag out of the blue with a picture of pepsi. ...delta flushiq... ...toilets. with touch-free flush... ...for when things go right. and the peace of mind of... ...overflow protection for when they don't. delta flushiq toilets. see what delta can do. ♪ ♪
wow. sweet new subaru, huh myep.? you're selling the mitchmobile!? man, we had a lot of good times in this baby. what's your dad want for it? ..like a hundred and fifty grand, two hundred if they want that tape deck. you're not going to tell your dad about the time my hamster had babies in the backseat, are you?! that's just normal wear and tear, dude. (vo) subaru has the highest resale value of any brand... ...according to kelley blue book ...and mitch. love. it's what makes a subaru, a subaru. and our old internet just wasn't cutting it. so i switched us from u-verse to xfinity. they have the fastest, most reliable internet. which is perfect for me, because i think everything should just work.
>> i just want to smell where you sat, girl! oh! harry connick, jr looking good too. >> jimmy: you know guillermo was sitting there during commercial breaks. >> i love guillermo's pheromones. >> jimmy: you know, i think j. lo would really love you. >> is she on tinder? >> jimmy: she doesn't come to you. you have to go to her. >> is this your water? >> jimmy: this is your water. >> which one has acid in it? >> jimmy: neither one of them do. do you want some peeps milk? >> no. >> jimmy: where are you from?
>> boca raton, florida. it's where your grandparents go to die. >> jimmy: now you've gone too far. >> a little thing i learned from gallagher. my mom's jewish and my dad is a haitian doctor. my dad's black. my dad looks like arthur ashe. my mom looks like howard stern. that's why i look like a muffin. >> jimmy: do they enjoy your particular brand of humor? >> there's a little thing, my mom thinks i'm funny, but my dad looks at the tv like an eye chart. like what is going on? and he goes like this a lot. >> jimmy: did you know when you were a kid thaw wanted to be a comedian? >> no, i wanted to be a musician all my life. i went to berkley
waste-your-money colle ge. bam, bam, bam, bam. great, that will be $120,000. >> jimmy: did you graduate? >> i did. i'm one of the three or four people who graduated from that school. >> jimmy: and then you decided to abandon that and be on a tv show. describe the show for those of -- >> we torture the guests. it's kind of like guantanamo bay if it was a talk show. we had a p.a. hidden under your chair and tickle your tank. >> jimmy: i felt something going on. ooh, this is one of those massage chairs or something. >> i was hoping you would climax. >> jimmy: go >> jimmy: who says i didn't? [cheers and applause] >> you want to be out here, right now, girl. >> jimmy: we have a clip of from
when i was on your show. >> you're a funny man. tell us a joke. >> all right. so two guys are out in the middle of the desert. one guy gets bit by a snake. right on the head of his [ bleep ] [ >> get out of the set! >> jimmy: i never got to the punch line of the joke. >> it was like 4:00 in t morning. >> jimmy: your desk budget must be enormous. >> in the millions. >> jimmy: do the guests not ever understand the show beforehand? >> 90% of the guests have zero idea. >> jimmy: for real? >> we have guests walk out and they get upset. >> jimmy: who left? >> lauren conrad left.
i vomited during the interview. it wasn't real, but she didn't know that. i started slurping the vomit off the desk. and she went out, she says i'm going to have you banned. and jimmy e-mailed me a few days later, i want to do your show, let me see your publicist, and it was the same company. when would you like mr. kimmel to show up? >> jimmy: well, i don't really listen to them anyway. well, i had a lot of fun doing it. they did their homework beforehand, they wouldn't find themselves in such a difficult situation. >> trying to teach them a lesson. >> jimmy: now this show, "man seeking woman" might be weirder than your other show. >> it's like a john cusack movie that turns into a salvador dali
painting over time. >> jimmy: a lot of shows like that are weird for the sake of being weird rather than being funny. your show is funny. it's critically praised. people are liking it. which is an unusual thing when a guy goes on a blind date for his sister, and the blind date is a troll who starts physically biting and attacking. and there are moments in the show where there are actually sweet moments in the show where you kind of feel like oh, love is blossoming. >> yeah. yeah. >> jimmy: and then something insane happens. >> yeah. >> jimmy: your character is the roommate in -- >> my character is what we in the industry call a i don't know if
13. and i'm this womanizer that gets others into high jinks. >> jimmy: are you -- >> i'm a virgin, saving my virginity for divorce. >> jimmy: something to look forward to. it's very good to see you. i hope you're not disappointed. [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: no microphones came down in your face, nothing dripped on you. but i am going to go vomit. eric andre, erybody. "man seeking woman" airs wednesdays at 10:30pm on fxx. and we shall return with music from keith urban. ♪ [cheers and applause] >> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by at&t. mobilizing your world.
yoplait greek 100. for when you just can't make it without a protein-packed, thick and creamy, power-me-up-with-something filling taste-bud-loving, satisfaction by the spoonful, deliciously fruity, dinner feels a million years away, grab and go, let's take on the world with 100 calories, snack yoplait greek 100. there are hundreds of reasons to snack on it.
here with the song "raise em up." with a little help from eric church -- keith urban! [ applause ] ♪ ♪ raise em up i'm talkin' 'bout lighter on a saturday night the band plays a song you like and you sing along ♪ ♪ raise em up i'm talkin' 'bout daddy's old pick-up truck ♪ ♪ shotgun seat there's the one you love and you're kissin' on ♪ ♪ get those white sails sailin' down in mexico it's just a whiskey glass if you ain't makin' a toast ♪ ♪ lift your tear-filled eyes up to the sky comin' home you've been gone too long ♪ ♪ tonight we're gonna raise em up ♪
♪ raise em up you've got a voice you've got a choice go make some noise ♪ ♪ don't ever let em tell you who you are ♪ ♪ raise em up fist black and blue fight for the truth it's what you do ♪ ♪ hand on your heart for the stripes and stars ♪ ♪ black umbrellas in the pourin' rain sunday morning coming down amazing grace ♪ ♪ lift those tear-filled eyes up to the sky and as the flag flies say goodbye ♪ ♪ tonight we're gonna raise em up ♪ ♪ ♪ so you meet someone the only one you take her by the hand make a stand ♪ ♪ buy some land
make some love and then babies come ♪ ♪ raise em up raise em up raise em up trophy high ♪ ♪ raise em up to the sky raise em up show everybody that new born smile ♪ ♪ raise em up tall and strong raise em up right from wrong ♪ ♪ raise em up so damn high they can hear god singing along ♪ ♪ whoa oh whoa oh ♪ ♪ whoa oh whoa oh ♪ ♪ whoa oh whoa oh ♪ ♪ whoa oh whoa oh ♪ ♪ whoa oh ♪ you got to raise them up
this is "nightline." >> toght. frat brothers caught on camera, singing racist chants. it has led to expulsion, an eviction and a national uproar. why are some now coming out in defense of this embattled fraternity? millionaire murderer, his wife, friend and neighbor all died under mysterious circumstances. he was charged with murder in one case but found not guilty. then he agreed to be involved in a documentary called the