tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC April 23, 2015 11:35pm-12:38am PDT
>> jimmy: welcome, welcome, welcome. very nice. thank you very much. hi there. welcome to the show. thank you for watching. thank you all for coming. glad you are here. [ cheers and applause ] i will tell you something, we had a fun day today. today's take your sons and daughters to work day, also known as no work gets done day. it used to be called -- it used to be called take your daughter to work day but then i think a bunch of boys hired gloria allred to sue their parents and now the sons come too. it is a great opportunity to teach your kids why you come home miserable every night. guillermo brought his son benji in to work tonight. [ cheers and applause ] hey, benji.
>> guillermo: say hi. >> jimmy: how are you doing. >> guillermo: say hi. no mustache yet, huh? benji, are you having fun at work today? did you have fun with dad today? yeah. >> guillermo: he says sure. >> jimmy: how old is benji now? >> 3 and two months. >> >> jimmy: and already working security. diligent. i wonder if anyone has been fired on take your kid to work day. ron, will you and your daughter step in to my office please? that would be a lesson about what it is like to work. we have a pretty good show for you tonight. we have music from two bands tonight, earth, wind & fire and chicago together. [ cheers and applause ] benji, why are all of these people clapping? what's going on here? he has no idea. so it is earth wind and the chicago fire tonight. also tonight, from the very
funny show black-ish, tracee ellis ross, laurence fishburne. guillermo diaz. and i have been having crazy dreams about "scandal" i had one last night. i dreamed i was in the olympic games competing as a ribbon dancer and i was killing it. i was dancing to one of my favorite songs "independent women part one" by destiny's child ♪ girl i didn't know you could get down like that ♪ >> jimmy: the judges were katie loss, josh melina and the carrot. katie gave mae two. josh gave me a one. and the carrot gave mae cartoon
poop emoji. i was devastated. i fell to the ground jobbing. josh and katie tried to make me feel better. >> jimmy, don't be sad. we love you. >> we just hate you. >> i will never dance with a ribbon again. >> come on jim-bo, i was kidding. we'll make it up to you. >> we will do anything you want except get tattoo. >> jimmy: will you get dolphin tattoos? >> no. >> jimmy: will you do a ribbon dance? >> we thought you would never ask. >> jimmy: i want you to do it to the song "girls just wanna have fun," okay? they ripped off their uniforms and grabbed their ribbons and wow! ♪ ♪ up in the morning light my mother says when are you going to live your life right ♪
♪ oh mama dear >> it was the most glorious dance i had ever seen. their movements were so magical that jerk carrot suddenly turned in to a dolphin, who had a tattoo of josh and katie on his chest. ♪ girls just wanna have fun >> jimmy: for one brief moment, everything seemed right with the world. ♪ then i woke up. [ cheers and applause ] i don't know what that means. what's going on here, benji? what are you doing? are you laying on the floor? oh, you are playing with cars. i see. did you see the giant ipad over here? how about that?
yeah. kids are unpredictable, you know. you just don't know what they will do. [ cheers and applause ] by the way tomorrow night on abc, the 20/20 to end all 20/20s, diane sawyer's interview with bruce jenner. i don't want to give away too much but it starts with bruce jenner standing up and yelling "april fool's." i'm happy for bruce jenner if this makes him happy. the only question i have is does kanye call you dad? hey, benji, what's going on over there? i think he might be doing that thing i talked about before. [ cheers and applause ] this is an historic day as far as the internet goes. ten years ago today, the first
video was posted to you tube. and four seconds after that the first person to write first in the comment section, the first video posted to you tube is called "me at the zoo" and this is it. >> here we are in front of the elephants. these guys have really, really long tusks and that's cool. that's pretty much all there is to say. >> jimmy: that was the first one. turns out it wasn't all there was to say because there are new billions of hours of video on you tube. it's strange when you realize without you tube we may have never had a chance to see this. [ laughter ]
[ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that is a great one. it has everything. it has comedy, suspense, inspirational. it is so amazing. it's been offered a major motion picture. there's a movie version coming out. i'm proud to bring you the exclusive trailer premier. >> the incredible true story of a little door, a bull dog and a big dog.
>> kevin james, dog door afternoon. this dog is not yet rated. >> big hit. and now he is on a roll. we have to take a break. fear not. we will be back with the new apple watch that comes out tomorrow. a earthquake theme edition in unnecessary censorship. try to stay away from instagram for like a minute. okay? we'll be right back. ♪
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guillermo diaz. music from earth wind and fire and chicago on the way. the apple watch is set to arrive in stores tomorrow. tomorrow we begin a new era in human history. instead of staring at our phones we will stare at our watches. the apple watch, they say, is going to completely revolutionize the way we take pictures of our wrists. i love apple products. i have all apple stuff. i'm so intensely uninterested in the apple watch that it is actually somehow made me very interested in it. does that make sense? it seems so unnecessary that it makes me wonder, why, what new power could this new thing possess? it must do something, right? a lot of reviews are saying the best part about the apple watch is you don't have to go in your pocket or purse to get your iphone which -- does that mean that apple is selling us a $350 watch so we don't have to touch the $500 phone they just sold us two months ago?
this is what it looks like. i'm already confused. that's too many buttons for me. i'm waiting for the apple grandfather clock to come to the market. actually what i'm ready to do? as soon as one of my friends gets an apple watch, wait until he gets to work and start to text him pictures of naked people and body parts every two minutes. that way every time he shows off the watch, blink, nude. he will have it in the junk drawer by lunch. this is pretty scary. everybody seems to think they are safe from earthquakes if they don't live in california. according to the size ma seismicological society of america, half of americans are threatened by earthquakes, half. the worst part is we just celebrate earth day and now it
wants to kill us. of course we're more at risk here in california. if you have never been through a earthquake, i have and i think the worst thing about it is it is not that it is happening, it's that when it starts you don't know how long it will go or how bad it will be. it's like a celebrity marriage in a way. we hear -- we talk about earthquakes and we want to have fun with that. we went out on the street and asked people what they thought of the new earthquake schedule. of course there is no earthquake schedule, new or old because earthquakes cannot be scheduled. it turns out a lot of people think they can on this earthquake edition of "lie witness news." ♪ >> as you know, seismology is the science of creating earthquakes. >> yes. >> what do you think of the government's plan to schedule earthquakes for every five years instead of current every 12 years? >> i think it is ecological. a good idea. i think it's very conservation minded. >> why? >> you know, you get more bang for your buck, i think.
>> as you must have seen, hillary clinton made an historic announcement from the san andreas fault if elect shed will cancel the scheduled earthquakes for her term. what did you think about that? >> i thought it was a good decision and i would support it. >> where were you when you saw that? >> at home. >> who were you with? >> watching tv by myself. >> last time there was a scheduled earthquake, the usgs sent out a tweet warning everybody. >> yes, i remember that. >> where were you when you heard your tweet? >> i was on my iphone 6 plus and i was scared so i'm done with the earthquake scene. >> are you excited you no longer have to wait 12 years for an earthquake? will it make it more excitements to know you will have them every five years. >> i think so. it depends on how big the earthquake will be. i think it is exciting because some people don't get to see and experience it. so then they can experience it. >> where were you when you felt the last seismologist created
earthquake? >> at home. it kind of shook my jar of cookies over. >> can you show me what it felt like? the amount of tremor? >> it's like ahh. >> the plan to reschedule nekt week's earthquake, what would be a better time for you? >> i'm moving from california on saturday. so anytime after saturday is good with me. [ cheers and applause ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: yeah, the girls in the audience. oh, look at who's here in the audience tonight. no, no, they said enough. they don't need a microphone. [ laughter ] you guys better get out of town. there's going to be an earthquake later. [ laughter ] all right. they say the best thing to do in the event of an earthquake is remain calm, stay where you are and wait for dwayne johnson to rescue you in a helicopter.
it is thursday night which means it is time to bleep and blur the big tv moments of the week whether they need it or not. it is "this week in unnecessary censorship." >> i'm the coach. and i'd love to [ bleep ] all 15 of our players. >> new york burger fixture [ bleep ] is expanding to california. >> did michael jackson really [ bleep ] in hotel rooms? >> it's something he liked to do. >> mexico and canada are our important trading partners. they sell a lot of [ bleep ] to us. we sell a lot of [ bleep ] to them. >> a woman was kicked off a southwest flight after repeatedly [ bleep ] her neighbor. >> instagram has given a green light to [ bleep ] pictures. >> i was not born with a [ bleep ] in my mouth. >> i don't feel like talkin'. i feel like [ bleep ].
so bring your ass out here right now. >> beautiful man. he's amazing, tall, handsome, as a nice [ bleep ]. >> [ bleep ] from behind could turn in to bleeding from behind. >> did you stick a [ bleep ] in her mouth? >> yes. >> why? >> i stuck a [ bleep ] in her mouth for cutting her out. >> no to shut me up. >> loews presents, how to put a [ bleep ] in your mouth. >> jimmy: earth, wind & fire and chicago, too. from "scandal" guillermo diaz is here and we will be right back with anthony anderson, tracee ellis ross and laurence fishburne. so stick around. ♪ >> dicky: portions of jimmy kimmel live are brought to you
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>> jimmy: hi, everybody. tonight on the show from "scandal" guillermo diaz is here. my second favorite guillermo in the whole world. what happened to benji, by the way? >> guillermo: he was looking for his mom. >> jimmy: oh, he was. so take your son to work day is over. >> guillermo: time to go to sleep. >> jimmy: for you or him? >> guillermo: no, for him. >> jimmy: two bands you can see
together on their heart and soul tour. earth, wind & fire with chicago from at&t. next week kevin spacey, billy crystal, patricia heaton, kim kardashian west will be here and music from modest mouse, yellow wolf, and tim macgraw. join us. our first guest tonight play characters who are named rainbow, andre and pops but not on a cereal box. the star of the show "black-ish." welcome tracee ellis ross, anthony anderson and laurence fishburne. ♪
♪ >> jimmy: how are you? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's more fun than you would guess it is, isn't it? >> it is also more of a workout than you would imagine. >> jimmy: not for guys. [ laughter ] >>. >> the disney princess voice that jumps out every now and then. you have no idea if she took the red pill, blue pill or both. >> take that home with you. >> why are my feet not reaching the ground. no weird. >> jimmy: maybe you are not tall enough. i don't know. yeah, that's weird. >> it is a firm couch. firm cushion like your firm
cushion. >> off 0 a good start. >> very firm. >> hold on, pops, how do you know. >> she was my child bride first. >> that's true. >> i played his wife on "csi." >> that's weird. from wife to daughter in law. >> child bride. >> we keep it in the family. >> hollywood. >> snoop, ain't no fun if the homeys can't have none. ♪ >> jimmy: that's true. there's not a huge age difference between you guys and yet you play father and son on the show. >> i was an old man when i was 18. >> jimmy: were you? >> came out old. >> came out a man. >> jimmy: are you one of those guys that's not in to the new stuff, traditional. >> these guys are so great with the twitter and the facebook and feed and the vine. i don't know nothing. they just let me hang out. >> i thought you meant viagra
cialis. that ain't new. >> they are great. they promote the show all the time and make videos and let me be in them. >> that's true. >> jimmy: have you trooit tried to get laurence to be part of that. >> he's easy to rope in. easy to rope in and when you show him videos he loves them. we were talking about my alter ego team merta and out of nowhere he goes you don't want anything to do with someone called t merta. >> i disapprove of you associating yourself with anyone named t merta. >> i'm t merta. it is me. >> jimmy: it is weird you have an alter ego. >> i have a few. >> they come out. >> they come out often. >> like me. >> he only has one.
>> jimmy: how long have you guys known each other? >> close to 15 years. >> about 15 years, ago. >> i'm sweating. >> you want me to mop you up. >> i will mop him up. twirling is a lot of work. mop yourself up. it is disgusting. >> he was working very hard. >> jimmy: by the way, i have a picture. an april fool's prank around. >> that was funny. we saw this. >> >> jimmy: that anthony fell victim to. i fell victim to it, too. >> that's you on the toilet. >> thanks to you, jimmy. >> turn it off. >> that's what you get trying to answer your friend's text. >> laurence that's why you should stay off social media together. >> exactly why i am not on it. >> tracee and i have known each other 15 years now. >> about 15 years, we hosted an award show.
>> jimmy: what show was it. >> the vibe awards and for some reason tracee hated me. >> for some reason anthony has a tendency to have no filter. >> okay. a. >> at the time i did not know anthony. know i know anthony has a heart of gold. it is also covered in shards of glass. underneath the broken glass is a heart of gold but i didn't know this at the time. so i was experiencing a shard of glass. sometimes when you don't know about the heart and the shard comes in your response is, i hate him. >> jimmy: oh. >> tell the truth. >> about what? >> did you fart on stage? did you or did you not? did you or did you not? >> first of all, here's the thing. >> whoever smelled it dealt it. >> he thought he heard a sound. he has voices in his head. it's like a duck but it wasn't me. >> if it looks like a duck,
walks like a duck, what is it. >> i didn't think it was nice and got upset and other things that occurred after that. don't repeat anything else. >> jimmy: repeat everything else. >> no. >> jimmy: were you reluctant to work with anthony on the show? >> no. i'm not a grudge holder. i know you really well. give me your tissue. >> jimmy: look at this. you are like a real husband and wife. mopping each other off. >> i got it. i do not hold grudges. >> no, you do not. >> but i do remember things. >> oh, my god. >> i let it go. >> jimmy: that's what anthony said, yeah. [ laughter ] we're going to take a break. >> well played. >> jimmy: i'm a child. we'll be right back. ♪
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daughter off with the blessing of both. >> what are you trying to say. >> you are soft, your lady soft, you are lady soft. [ cheers and applause ] "black-ish" wednesday nights. tracee ellis ross, laurence fishburne and anthony anderson here. i would imagine you have -- even if you didn't have fun making it, you would say it is. >> we actually are. >> jimmy: one of the episodes, your character, laurence, does not agree discipline is an overall theme. you suggest that they beat the children with their own toys. >> it's the hot wheels track. we got a lot of calls and tweets, i understand. a lot of social media buzz about the hot wheels track thing because it is a real thing. >> it is old school.
>> jimmy: what do you mean it is old school. >> did you own hot wheels. >> jimmy: i did. >> you never got beat with one. that is what we did in the hootd. >> every man should have a man that is willing to beat them. >> much better place. >> that could go in so many directions. >> jimmy: beat them with something they love. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: tracee we know of course your mom is diana ross. >> she never beat me with a hot wheel track. just set that record straight right now. >> jimmy: have your moms met each other? anthony's mom has been here a lot of times. she's a lot of fun. >> they haven't but anthony's mom met my dad. >> jimmy: is that bedesign you kept your mom away. >> i think it is by design that tracee kept her mom away from my mom and me. >> you have met my mom.
my mom came to work. >> never with my mother. >> you kept your mom away from me for a while. >> i should have. you are not ready for my mama. >> jimmy: do you find you draw inspiration from your families for the show itself and talk to the writers about this stuff? >> that's how the show was conceived from our creator -- creator. >> that's funny. >> writer/creator. conversations about our family and once we started to make this it became conversations about our family aes that's what we do every week. >> jimmy: the show is great. it is called "black-ish." it is here on abc. laurence, tracee and anthony, everybody. thank you very much. we will be right back with guillermo diaz. ♪ jump on a video chat with my friend.
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chicago. instead of killing people, like he usually does, our next guest brought someone back to life which i think means he's allowed to kill one extra person. he plays an assassin with a heart of world on "scandal." please welcome guillermo diaz. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] good to see you. for those who haven't skooen seen "scandal" yet, maybe it is time to plug your ears. but tonight on the show your character huck, we thought jake was dead last week. i think most people thought jake was dead. >> somebody just said ahh. >> jimmy: were you hopes jake was dead but you brought jake back to life like when fonzie would hit the jukebox. >> i pounded him back to life. >> jimmy: is that a real thing?
i was watching and going that doesn't work like that. you can't bring people back to life with your fists. >> it's a real thing on -- >> jimmy: it has to be medically correct somehow. is this something you have been keeping quiet. >> oh, my god, yeah. i just got back from new york, new york, doing press. everyone asked is jake alive or dead. and i was like jake got stabbed and we will find out on thursday and i couldn't say anything. >> jimmy: he plays jake and i'm sure he is glad he's alive. >> we're glad he's alive, too. >> jimmy: he's a good live sglaen his sound. before we shoot that's what he does every day. >> jimmy: a little thing to break the ice. mostly you guys are tired of that by now? >> we're all doing it now. everyone's doing it. crew guys, everybody.
>> jimmy: it seems to be a running theme on the show tonight. when tracee bends over maybe you should try it. >> guillermo. >> guillermo: how are you? >> i like the bond between guillermos that you share. a lot of people think that guillermo's last name is diaz because your last name is diaz but he is a rodriguez and not a diaz but close enough. your character killed lena dunham's character. >> yeah, slit her throat. >> jimmy: did you know that was going to happen? >> originally another character killed her character and a couple of days in to shooting that episode we got new pages and said that hawk murders sue. i was so excited, yeah, i'm going to get to killeen that dunham. >> jimmy: you like that? >> i love girls and i like her. i was like i get to kill you and she is like, i know. hawk gets to kill me. >> jimmy: hollywoodle is so
weird. your character accounts for a good percentage of the blood. >> most of it. >> jimmy: does it bother you? >> no. i am a horror film fan. >> jimmy: oh, you are. >> yeah. there was an episode we shot where huck kills a room full of men and cuts a few of their arms and legs off. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> in the script at the table read it says that huck resembles carrie from the movie. i was so excited. >> jimmy: is that your favorite of the horror movies. >> "carrie," no, "rosemary's baby," "the exorcist". >> jimmy: you like the classics. >> yeah. >> jimmy: do you get scared by a movie? >> yeah. by the older ones. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i get scared by all of them. that's why i love them. >> jimmy: that's why i don't love them. i don't like being scared. i'm trying to understand it. i don't like roller coaster sglis don't like roller coasters
either. >> jimmy: oh, you don't. >> what if they were bloody? >> yeah, if there was a zombie next to me then i would love it. >> jimmy: what's they are name from the exorcist, linda blare? >> i saw her play rizzo on broadway in a production of "grease." the worst production ever. >> jimmy: oh, it was. but part of the show they lift her up and do this gag where you see her head spin. obviously it was like a document they put a doll -- than they spun her head around. >> jimmy: in "grease." >> yeah, they put it in to a musical number. >> jimmy: she must be sick of that already. really, i'm doing "grease" and my head has to spin around. >> how come my head has to spin. >> jimmy: you posted this to instagram earlier this week. what are we looking at. >> we were shooting episode 420 which is the finale on 4/20. which is a special holiday. for those that know what 4/20
means, meet me after the show. bon appetit. >> jimmy: what an exciting convergence of numbers for the stoners watching, you know? >> imagine if at 4:20 in the afternoon we were shooting 420. >> jimmy: did anything happen? >> no. actually yeah, not on set. on twitter people were passing around a virtual joint. like it is your turn. now you hit it. >> jimmy: a virtual joint. you find your audience is largely stoner heavy because of the creepiest work, weeds and what not. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you talk a little bit about your parents the last time you were here. you are from cuba. >> my parents are from cuba. i was born in new york city. >> jimmy: you were born in new york city. do they love this stuff?
>> they love i'm an actor and are extremely supportive but never talk about the fact i'm in these shows and movies about weed. they never ever talk about that. >> jimmy: no, they don't. that's a big no no? >> spanish families you don't talk about your feelings. just push it away. way back in the closet where nobody can see or, you know. >> jimmy: is that true? >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: i didn't know that. i assumed it was more of an open kind of thing. no, huh? >> not at all. no. >> jimmy: well, it is very good to see you. "scandal" on thursday nights at 9:00 on abc. guillermo diaz, everybody. be right back with earth, wind & fire and chicago. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series presented by at&t, mobilizing your world.
>> jimmy: thanks to kevin james. apologies to matt damon. we did run out of time for him. "nightline" is next but first two great bands that you can see all summer long with a medley of their hits from chicago, earth, wind & fire. ♪ ♪ when you feel down and out sing a song it will make your day ♪ ♪ you is a time to shout it will make a way ♪ sometimes it's hard sing a song it will make your day ♪ ♪ a spot to bear sing a song it will make your day ♪ everybody sing ♪ sing a song
♪ sing a song sing a song sing a song ♪ >> ladies and gentlemen, a big round of applause to the incomparable chicago". ♪ as i was walking down the street one day ♪ a man came up to me and asked me what the time was that was on my watch ♪ yeah and i said yes i said ♪ ♪ does anyone really know what time it is ♪ ♪ does anybody really care if so i can't remember why ♪
♪ everybody sing let me hear you ♪ you're a shining star no matter who you are shining bright you see ♪ ♪ you're a shining star no matter who you are ♪ shining bright you see ♪ ♪ shining star for you to see what your life can truly be shining star for you to see what your life can truly be ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
this is "nightline." >> tonight, free at last. one man's palable joy as he walks off of death row. >> thank, lord! >> we're there for his first steps. >> would you believe this is the first time i have been in the rain. >> in to a new life. >> in 30 years. >> we're also there as he comes to terms with a very changed world. >> that's where you have to put in the little code. >> mom -- >> plus, she's loud, proud and definitely a force to be reckoned. tonight, we are going on a hilarious ride with the social media sensation knowns