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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  August 6, 2015 11:35pm-12:38am PDT

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>> that's our report appreciate your time. >> i'm for all of us here, thanks for joining us rate now and. and. >> have a great >> dickey: from hollywood it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, jon hamm. from "masters of sex," lizzy caplan. comedian jesse eliasa. and music from sheila e. with cleto and the cletones. and now, from this point forward, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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>> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy, the host of the show. thank you for coming. thank you all for watching. very happy you're here. we have a show for you tonight that is attractive and has a great personality, too. jon hamm is here. he plays a new character in the new movie "minions," which is animated which is good because we don't have to look at his hideous face. and also from "masters of sex," the exceptionally delightful lizzy caplan, and sheila e is sitting in with the cletones. rumors are an autobiography just came out in paperback, "the dream of my own drum." you have known cleto for years, is that right? >> yeah, like 15 years or so, but i think we're related. >> jimmy: that's funny. your last names are almost exactly the same.
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escovedo. i know i'm pronouncing it badly. >> right. my grandfather, we were, he changed it in 1937. we were escovedo. >> jimmy: when you first met cleto told me this story and he was trying to convince you you weren't related because he wanted to have sexual relations. >> ah. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you might have to write another book. so the great sheila e is sitting in with cleto. [ cheers and applause ] the u.s. national soccer team, our soccer team beat colombia last night. [ cheers and applause ] they're advancing now to the quarter finals of the women's world cup. the american team will travel to ottawa where they'll face china. they say china has a slight advantage this time around, which makes sense. their country makes all the balls, so it does, but for now it's time to celebrate from the
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big win yesterday. it's time for the world cup play of the day. [ applause ] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: give you a minute to catch your breath. meanwhile, in regular football news. new england patriots quarterback tom brady today began an appeal of his suspension for illegal deflation of balls. the nfl found that it was, quote, more probable than not that brady was at least generally aware of wrongdoing, so they suspended him for the first four games of next season. [ cheers and applause ] the appeal is being heard personally by the commissioner of the nfl, roger goodell, who will attempt to remain impartial while staring into tom's gorgeous blue eyes. tom brady testified under oath today.
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imagine having to testify under oath about doing this. to a football. mr. brady, at any time did you do this, ssssst, to a football? no, your honor, i did not. they're saying that the only thing that can save tom brady now is a tweet from taylor swift. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: please pray for him. as you no doubt unfortunate to know, donald trump is running for president of the united states. last week donald trump's poll numbers last week weren't very good. they were terrible, in fact, but according to a new poll released today, republican primary voters in new hampshire have donald trump in second place. it's a real poll conducted by suffolk university. it shows donald trump trailing jeb bush by just a three-point margin. 14% to 11%. trump has been spreading his message aggressively, even running video ads on his instagram account. this one may be part of the reason why his poll numbers are
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up. ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: he makes a very good point. i'm going to say this. say what you want of donald trump. of all the candidates, he does look the maddest. also on instagram, kim kardashian west on sunday revealed she's expecting a boy. it will be her second child with her husband kanye west. they already have a daughter named north. and a forensic artist, a guy by the name of joe mullens, took it upon himself to make a rendering of what he believes the new baby will look like. he studied photos of kim and kanye, and this is what he came up with. apparently, kim kardashian is giving birth to a 6-year-old alien. what is that? that is not a baby. [ cheers and applause ]
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that's -- according to this photograph, the kid is going to be a combination of gary coleman and a troll doll. gary coleman. the real question is going to be what will they name the baby? north was an unusual choice, especially for a little girl, but that's not uncommon anymore. according to new statistics, gender-neutral baby names are on the rise. that's are names that work for boys or girls. like parker, jordan, avery gets a lot of wedgies, i think. gender-neutral names were big in the '60s, and they're making a comeback. that's probably a good idea. if bruce jenner's birth name was jesse, it would have saved a lot of confusion. jesse jenner, right? [ applause ] people come up with a lot of strange name for kids, especially here in l.a. in l.a., could you name your baby futon and nobody would say a thing. we thought this might be fun for
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tonight's pedestrian question. we went on hollywood boulevard and talked to parents, we asked them what's your name and asked the kids what's your name, so this is how it will work. a parent will introduce him or herself and we'll ask the child what his or her name is, and we together will try to guess if the kid has a gender-specific name or gender-neutral name. do you understand? i don't, but let's play. >> what is your name? >> melinda. >> where are you from? >> colorado springs. >> what do you do? >> i'm an admin assistant. >> is this your daughter? >> this is. >> and what's your name? >> jimmy: do we think melinda from colorado springs' daughter, her name is gender specific or gender neutral? we're going to have to answer individually, i'll go around the room. let's find out. >> ryan. >> you're gender neutral. >> yes, i am. >> jimmy: it seems to be working for her. happy kid. all right. next one. >> what's your name? >> sofia. >> where are you from?
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>> hawaii. >> is this your daughter? >> yes. >> and what is your name? >> jimmy: gender specific or gender neutral? they're from hawaii. yes, the hawaii -- right, find out. >> lee. >> lee? >> yeah. >> like f. lee bailey? >> like bruce lee. >> jimmy: like caitlyn lee. you don't know. right? all right. here's another. >> tell us your name. >> johnny lamb. >> where are you from? >> conover, north carolina. >> what do you do? >> i'm in the furniture business. >> is this your daughter? >> yes, sure is. >> what is your name? >> jimmy: they're from north carolina. i don't know if that means anything. gender specific or gender neutral? >> jayden. >> why jayden? >> well, we wanted to pick a unisection name that was original. then we found out will smith named his son jaden. >> jimmy: will submit owes them an apology.
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here's another. >> what's your name? >> ethan moorehart. >> where are you from? >> ac con, ohio. >> what's your name? >> jimmy: ethan's son? let's find out. >> cage. >> cage? >> yeah, named after nicolas cage. >> do you think you're ever going to remove your face and go trade it with john travolta? >> no. >> jimmy: i don't now. cage could be gender neutral. it could be like a prison cage. or la cage aufollex, we don't know. i think we have one more. >> what is your name? >> my name is shae howard. >> where are you from? >> arizona. >> is this your son? >> yes it is. >> jimmy: gender specific or gender neutral? [ crowd: neutral ] >> sir yancey howard. >> sir yancey? >> yes. >> well, sir is certain not gender neutral. >> it sure isn't. >> jimmy: no. i think yancey might be a weirder choice of names than sir, right?
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yeah. thanks to everyone for playing part in our guessing game, especially cage and sir yancey. what we're going to do next is play show and tell. this is the wall of america, and on the wall of america right now there are many people from all over the country, and they have items to show us and tell us about. and oh, well i can see. the guy from schenectady looks like he's going to be a winner already. when we come back, show and tell. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ i sure had a lot on my mind when i got out of the hospital after a dvt blood clot. what about my family? my li'l buddy? and what if this happened again? i was given warfarin in the hospital but i wondered if this was the right treatment for me. then my doctor told me about eliquis. eliquis treats dvt and pe blood clots and reduces the risk of them happening again. not only does eliquis treat dvt and pe blood clots,
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but eliquis also had significantly less major bleeding than the standard treatment. knowing eliquis had both... turned around my thinking. don't stop eliquis unless your doctor tells you to. eliquis can cause serious and in rare cases fatal bleeding. don't take eliquis if you have an artificial heart valve or abnormal bleeding. if you had a spinal injection while on eliquis call your doctor right away if you have tingling, numbness, or muscle weakness. while taking eliquis, you may bruise more easily... and it may take longer than usual for bleeding to stop. seek immediate medical care for sudden signs of bleeding, like unusual bruising. eliquis may increase your bleeding risk if you take certain medicines. tell your doctor about all planned medical or dental procedures. eliquis treats dvt & pe blood clots. plus had less major bleeding. both made switching to eliquis right for me. ask your doctor if it's right for you.
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: joining me with the cletones, lizzy kaplan, still to
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come music from jesse elias. right now it's show and tell time. viewers are looking in on our wall of america. they have items they would like to share with us, and we are going -- and there are some interesting characters on the screen tonight, and i believe scott from schenectady will be our first show and teller. hello scott from schenectady. . >> hey, guys, how you doing? >> jimmy: scott, it's weird for someone who looks like this to be named scott. but you're -- i can see you're a white walker from "game of thrones," correct? >> that is correct. >> jimmy: you made this costume yourself? >> no, i saved up about six months and bought it from a company. >> jimmy: you did, there's a company that makes these? >> oh, yes, it's the best company. >> jimmy: may i ask how much this cost you? >> well, don't tell my parents, but it's about $2200. >> jimmy: $2,200, wow. don't tell your parents. how old are you? >> i'm 45. >> jimmy: oh, no.
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[ laughter ] you might want to leave that off your tinder account for a while. all right. it was a real pleasure to meet you. i'm sure your parents are very proud. that's scott. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: who else do we have? let's go to tyler from woodstock, georgia. tyler from woodstock, hello, tyler, how are you? >> hey, jimmy, good, how are you? >> jimmy: i'm good. what do you -- i see you have a lot of pictures behind you. are those pictures of you as a baby? >> oh, no. only one of those is me. >> jimmy: okay, what do you have to show us? >> well, i have a signed photo of the best actor in the world, nicolas cage. >> jimmy: all right. where did you get that? >> well, i bought it on ebay, because it was really cheap. >> jimmy: wait a minute. that's not your name on it, is it? >> no. it says ina.
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>> jimmy: it does say ina. why would you buy an autograph that says ina on it? >> well, it was cheap. it was only like five bucks. and if it wasn't $5, it was like $70, and i don't want to pay $70 for that. >> jimmy: i see, are you a fan of nicolas cage's? >> i am. i like to think so. >> jimmy: would you ever consider naming your son after him? >> it's crossed my mind before. >> jimmy: it has crossed your mind. all right. all right. well, very good, tyler. what a great item that is. congratulations. [ cheers and applause ] let's go to cookie, who has a big bag of something. cookie from cleveland, texas. cookie, how are you doing? >> hi, i'm fine. how are you? >> jimmy: i'm doing very well, thank you. what do you have in the bag? >> i have a surprise for you. >> jimmy: all right. seems like a -- oh, my god! what the hell is that? >> it's a wallaby in a bag! >> jimmy: why do you have a
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wallaby in a bag? cookie, is that your wallaby? >> it is my wallaby. >> jimmy: and where did you get it? >> i got it from a wallaby breeder nearby. >> jimmy: there's wallaby breeder nearby? >> there is. >> jimmy: why are they breeding wallabies in texas? >> well, because they're just fun to have. and i've had him for almost 11 years. >> jimmy: oh, you have. wow. >> and actually, he even has a cowboy hat. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: what is his name? >> his name is jellybean. >> jimmy: and does he jump around the house? >> he does jump around the house. he's very good at jumping. he jumps very far. >> jimmy: does he live in the house with you? >> he does when he wants to, but he likes to be outdoors, so he lives outdoors a lot. >> jimmy: do you have a lot of strange animals like that? or is it just jellybean? >> yes, i do. >> jimmy: i have to tell you something. if i saw that thing in the middle of the night, i would move.
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oh! >> and this is our other friend. we have a horse, too. this is stickers. >> jimmy: what? >> this is snickers. >> jimmy: wow, that's snickers, and that's a little horse, isn't it? >> it's a full-grown little horse, an american miniature horse. >> jimmy: why are they in the house? >> well, because they wanted to meet you, of course. >> jimmy: well, that's nice. is there any chance that either of these -- >> and he's a house-trained horse. >> jimmy: is he really a house-trained horse? huh? so when you say house-trained, like he'll wait to go to the bathroom until he gets outside? >> he will indeed. >> jimmy: he will. and how do you teach him to do that? >> just like you teach a puppy. >> jimmy: why don't the police in new york train these horses not to crap on the streets? >> well, i think they do. >> jimmy: what's going on? do the wallaby and the horse get along? >> they do.
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but the wallaby's happy to be out of the bag now. >> jimmy: i would think that the wallaby would be happy to be out of the bag. does the wallaby ever ride the horse and go around the house? >> no. the horse has established that he does not want to be ridden. >> jimmy: oh, all right. well, i guess -- the horse nodded in agreement to that. >> he did. >> jimmy: if the horse agrees enough, that's all you can ask, really. i think you're the winner of the most unusual items in your house. [ cheers and applause ] that was even better than a signed picture of nicolas cage. thank you, cookie, and thanks to jellybean and what's the horse's name again? >> this is snickers. >> jimmy: snickers. that's right. thanks to you and all of our wall watchers. if you want to be a part of the wall of america go to jimmycouple legallive.com. you'll see all the information there. there's no better place. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have a fun show tonight. comedian jesse elias is here. from "masters of sex"
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lizzy caplan is with us. sheila e. is sitting in with the cletones. and we'll be right back with jon hamm. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" were brought to you by friends of the people. thursdays on trutv. go to trutv.com. to the team rally cruisers, to the touchdown dancers, and the long distance chancers, ♪ yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah be yourself. kohl's ♪ it's just a summer thing double it up this summer with a hot deal from mcdonald's.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that is sheila e. sitting in with the cletones. tonight on the show, from "masters of sex" lizzy caplan is here. and we have comedian jesse elias from the at&t stage. tomorrow night, wanda sykes, jeffrey dean morgan, and music from a thousand horses on the show. earlier this year, our first guest ended his long run as don draper on "mad men" with a coke and a smile and unfiltered lucky strike to top it off. next, he plays the voice of herb overkill inhe new animated adventure "minions." it opens in theaters july 10th,
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please welcome jon hamm. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: good to see you. how are you doing? >> doing very well, thank you. >> jimmy: you must be very happy. i'm making assumptions but you must be very happy because you have this great show and people really, really love and it it's one of the classic shows. but sometimes these shows don't end well. >> right. >> jimmy: and "mad men" had such a great and clever and perfect ending. >> thank you. that's very kind of to you say. >> jimmy: it really was great. >> i was very happy with how it ended. i was very happy with how people appreciated how it ended too. sometimes you do what you do. and then sometimes people are angry or they're disappointed or whatever. but people were very, they got it.
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>> jimmy: it's good that people talk about it. but for those who didn't see it it, you're sitting cross-legged, meditating over a cliffside. and really, you seem to be at peace. and it has the potential at this point to be the worst ending in history. >> yes. yes. >> jimmy: if it ends there, you're like, what the -- but then it goes into the classic coca-cola commercial, i'd like to buy the world a coke. >> yes. >> jimmy: and -- i don't think there's any debate about it, even though people have been debating -- >> i was talking to a friend over the weekend. and he said he had the greatest joke that he was going to -- he pitched me the greatest joke for the possible -- another possible ending. so as we push in on don draper and he's in that meditative state, and he just opens his eyes and goes, whaaat's uuuup?
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it would have been another way to go. >> jimmy: would have been a time traveler. >> so i'm really glad they didn't choose that particularly iconic ad campaign. >> jimmy: in a way they must -- how long ago did you know how this show was going to end? >> matt weiner who writes the show i think had kind of seized on this idea around season four. >> jimmy: did he clear it with the people of coca-cola? >> no. >> jimmy: he did not. >> so there was a couple years process of clearing that with coca-cola. >> jimmy: then you're screwed if coke says no. >> yeah, they say no, thanks. all right, we'll call it -- coca-cona. >> jimmy: that would have been a bummer, you could have done "where's the beef" or something like that. >> there were so many options. >> jimmy: it was beautiful, it was perfect. congratulations on that. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: this is kind of cool. i think we have it on the screen.
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in the smithsonian institute, this is your suit from "mad men," your overcoat and hat, in the smithsonian. >> i like the two dudes taking pictures of it. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: one of them has a hard hat. >> i don't know why you need a hard hat to go look at a suit. >> jimmy: you can never be too careful. >> wired to explode or something. >> jimmy: and fonzie's jacket is in the smithsonian. >> that's where you need a hard hat. >> jimmy: to me, the thing i would be most excited, i've not been to the smithsonian, would be to see fonzie's jacket. >> and there's archie bunker's chair. cool stuff there. it was obviously -- you can tell how thrilled i am. >> jimmy: where's my head? >> it was very early in the morning. we had to get up early. it was a very early morning thing, but that's cool. very cool. >> jimmy: you've been shooting a movie in atlanta since the finale? >> yes, indeed. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: with your -- >> with former sidekick zach galifianakis. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. he's great. do you have fun with zach?
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>> yes. it's impossible not to have fun. >> jimmy: he is a lot of fun. >> we're in atlanta. zach's from the south, he's actually from north carolina. but he has family all over the south. and so getting more than one galifianakis in a room? amps up the chaos level by, you know, by sort of an exponential degree. so i got to see a lot of his cousins and uncles and aunts. galifanaki is the plural. >> jimmy: you guys were at bonnaroo, which is a big music festival -- >> in tennessee. >> jimmy: in tennessee. >> close to georgia. >> woo! >> all right. good enough. >> jimmy: we have the video. you were throwing gummy bears into -- >> sure. >> jimmy: into a singer's mouth on stage. >> like you do. i don't know why that's weird. >> jimmy: why were you doing this? >> zack and i were really bored on set.
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>> jimmy: i see. >> and so we were sitting around, and i had a bag of gummy bears, because i only eat candy on set, because my body's a tele. and i threw one at him. and he caught it. and i was, like, oh, i better throw another one to see if that was a mistake. he caught it in his mouth, like a dog. >> jimmy: yeah. >> that really likes gummy bears. and so i did it again and he caught it again, and i thought, well, i guess we're going to do this for the rest of the shoot. and then i added a musical element to it. i started whistling the plate-spinning song. and then we would do it for the crew, and then we decided to do it on stage. at bonnaroo. >> jimmy: okay. there's john. oh! and who's the singer? >> oh, i should say this. this guy, this is the lead singer of bell and sebastian who saw me and zack doing it and wanted me to do it to him. >> jimmy: he's good at it too. [ cheers and applause ]
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>> and he's scottish. >> jimmy: i have a really big mouth. and you want to try it? because i am pretty good at this. >> well, let's look at the light. [ cheers and applause ] >> yellow? >> jimmy: very visible. [ drumroll ] [ cheers and applause ] >> oh! >> jimmy: i lost it in the lights. >> too high? i'll go lower. >> jimmy: i should have quit while i was ahead. >> ready? [ drumroll ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: jon hamm. we'll be right back. ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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[ minion-speak ] >> wow, harder than i thought. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that is the voice of jon hamm and minions which is the prequel to "despicable me." it opens july 10th. i never saw "despicable me." this movie so is good, it's so funny, those minions are crazy. >> when you meet them in person, the little minions? they are amazing. they speak 900 languages, none of them well. they'll make you laugh. >> jimmy: who plays the voice of your wife? >> sandra bullock. >> jimmy: oh, that's fun. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: and did you, do you tape that together? >> no, it's weird, because it takes so long to make an animated film, i mean, it took over three years to make this movie. there's so many moving parts and so many artists have to draw little frames and things like that, that it takes a long time. so sandy bullock has a lot going on in her life, it turns out. she's busy! >> jimmy: yeah.
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>> and so she would come in and do her voiceovers when it was time, and i would come in and do mine, and it took a long time. >> jimmy: it seems very natural. >> so yeah, we met, i finally got to meet my movie wife at an awards show. i was, like, aren't we married? and she said, yeah. and that was it. >> jimmy: you know, relationships -- >> you can tell the chemistry bleeds off the page. >> jimmy: i do want to ask you about something. >> yes. >> jimmy: you're the first guy i thought of when i saw the story about the st. louis cardinals. >> oh. >> jimmy: and what cheaters they are. allegedly. >> allegedly. it's important to say allegedly. the news broke about this scandal. >> jimmy: right. >> on my phone from the "new york times." >> jimmy: is that where it broke? >> and i said, oh, wow, that's weird, and i read the story, because i did my due diligence. and then 150 people texted me what my opinion was on the cardinals, and i had to remind everybody, i don't work for the st. louis cardinals.
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at all. i just happen to be from st. louis. >> jimmy: so you were not involved in this hacking? >> i was not involved, no. >> jimmy: i can imagine you in that building with those guys going like this. no? >> no, it turns out i had better stuff to do. i was not involved. >> jimmy: what penalty should the cardinals suffer if they were indeed guilty of hacking? >> here's what's great about my hometown of st. louis and the organization the st. louis cardinals. [ cheer ] >> thank you. i think that whoever is responsible should be punished, as the organization has said. and i think that if it's a system-wide organizational thing, the organization should be punished. but if it's just some dude that stole somebody's password and broke into somebody's thing, that guy should go down, that's how it works. >> jimmy: are you willing to take the fall and be that guy to save your hometown baseball home? >> i will. >> jimmy: jon hamm, american hero, everybody. see him in "minions" july 10th. be right back with litty kaplan!
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: cleto and the cletones. our next guest is a very talented actor with a great show called "masters of sex." she plays the johnson. "masters of sex" returns to showtime july 12th. please welcome lizzy caplan. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: care for a gummy bear? >> thanks. this is going to be a mistake. >> jimmy: you know, i haven't had a gummy bear in a long time, and i have to say, they're really good. >> what kind did you go for? >> jimmy: whatever kind jon hamm threw into my face. do you know jon hamm? you're right, it was a mistake. it's left side a mistake. i'll talk to her for a while. let's see how long it takes you to eat a gummy bear. >> awhile, my mouth is very dry. >> jimmy: spit into my hand if you want. >> may i? >> jimmy: yes, you may.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you don't have mono, do you? >> oh, yeah i've got all sorts of things i forgot to mention. >> jimmy: you really didn't get very far into this thing, did you? >> i premoistened it for you. better than what i had. but yes. i do know jon hamm. >> jimmy: how do you know him? >> i've known him for like ten years. we did a pilot together about ten years ago, and i understand he's the first guest and i'm the second guest and that implies that he's like, better than me, like more famous, but he's not better than me. i can tell you why. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: why would you say that? oh! >> i'm getting the gum. >> jimmy: i ate it. >> this is my interview! >> i'm so sorry, you look great. >> jimmy: she was saying she's better than you, jon. >> yeah, i heard that.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> i'm better than you. >> i'd like to know why. >> jimmy: go ahead with that. why are you better than jon? >> we did a pilot together, ten years ago. >> that's true. >> on the wb. >> the world's best. >> that's right. it was called "related." we had like a couple scenes together, i think. >> we did. >> and then the show got picked up, the series became a television show. >> every actor's dream. >> yes, right? and i didn't really get to spend more time with jon though -- >> no. >> because one of us got fired. after the pilot. >> spoiler alert. it wasn't lizzy. >> it was not. >> jimmy: oh, no! >> yep. >> jimmy: what happened? too handsome, right? >> they went a different way. i was recast by a woman. >> jimmy: what? >> a writer, actually, by an actor who's mostly a writer. >> jimmy: oh, no.
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>> yeah. that's who replaced him. he was the guy on a girl wb show and he still got fired. that's not -- [ applause ] >> that's how good it was going. >> jimmy: it seems to have worked out. it seems to have gone okay. >> yeah, he's the first guest. i guess everything's great for him. >> and that's how i'm better than lizzy. >> jimmy: jon, have you watched "masters of sex"? >> i have never seen it. >> oh! >> no, i'm kidding. i have, i love it, you're wonderful. >> jimmy: you're shooting right now? >> we're halfway through shooting the show. >> jimmy: the third season? >> yes. >> jimmy: which just started -- >> it hasn't started, it will start. >> jimmy: it starts on sunday? >> the 12th or -- god, why are you asking me? >> jimmy: sometime in july. >> sometime in july. and it's definitely worth watching. >> jimmy: did you work today? >> i did. i was at work at 5:00. totally naked. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: almost everyone on the show is required to be naked. >> yeah, that's kind of what we
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do there, and it's strange, because we're all friends now. we've known each other for years, three years. and it's a very odd thing to have seen your friends not only naked, but like neighborhood and pretending to have sex with each other? >> jimmy: yeah, that is weird. >> i had a moment of clarity about that, that that's weird. and if that was a prerequisite for normal friendships? just send me a video. >> jimmy: different parties would be more fun for sure. >> it would be. it's very odd. and your ex-girlfriend goes out with my co-star, so i've seen both of them naked, but not having sex with each other. >> jimmy: right. >> i have sex with him. she has sex with a woman. that girl's real-life husband is on the show this week having sex with somebody else. >> jimmy: can i tell you something? that actually upsets me because for years i asked her to have sex with a woman and she said no. [ laughter ]
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy, you have to understand. these are "masters" of sex. >> we're not amateurs. you can't just ask anybody to do that. >> jimmy: do you get comfortable after a while being naked on a movie set? >> i -- yes, i think i get comfortable with being uncomfortable. is what it is. you know, i -- it's my birthday, for example, they keep trying to make me -- >> jimmy: when? >> it's on june 30th. >> jimmy: okay. all right. happy almost birthday. [ cheers and applause ] >> yeah! >> jimmy: are you expecting us to get you a gift? why did you mention it's your birthday? >> because i asked for a day off on my birthday, and not only would they not give me a day off on my birthday, but i get to spend my birthday exposing my breasts to a gorilla. [ laughter ] yeah. yeah.
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>> jimmy: what? >> it's a man in a gorilla suit. >> jimmy: even worse in a way. >> is it? >> are they still casting? have laugh [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: where's sheila e when you need her? wow, a gorilla. >> that's why i asked for the day off. i was planning on doing that anyway. >> jimmy: well, whatever you guys are doing over there, as embarrassing and uncomfortable as it might be, it's paying off for all of us, because it's number one. the show is really great. [ cheers and applause ] and number two, i'll tell you something, and i think i speak for a lot of people when i say, we love seeing you guys naked. we really do. >> thanks, we like getting naked for all of you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: lizzy caplan! "masters of sex" returns sunday, july 12th on showtime. we'll be right back with jesse elias!
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is a young comedian from the bay area who, with your permission, is about to make his network television debut. please give a warm talk show audience welcome to jesse elias. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. it's good to be here. i grew up near the city of san francisco. and a while back, they passed a law banning the sale of happy meal toys. they're, like, we don't want kids getting fat on junk food. so they outlawed the part of the
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happy meal kids don't eat. [ laughter ] like to me, what they're saying with that law is we don't want kids getting fat on junk food, unless that's what they're really about! poseurs! doing this because you like burgers, not because you like a bug's life. [ laughter ] >> i was a poseur, man. i ate the food because i wanted the toy. they're like, collect all six! it's hard. it's random which one you get. penguin driving the umbrella car for the third time in a row? i wanted the batmobile damn it! i think they make more of the unpopular characters on purpose, just to keep the kids coming back for more trying to get the one they want, you know? like future historians are going to dig up this non-biodegradable crap we leave behind and they're going to think the raccoon was the main character of "pocahontas." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ]
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so a little bit about me. growing up, my dad used to get on my case saying i need to make eye contact more often. i showed him! [ laughter ] well, you know. but i had a good childhood, you know. growing up in the '90s. the '90s had better flavors, you know? it was like, sour green apple! blue raspberry, awesome! then this other decade comes around. pom began that is acai! shut up, man! post- 9/11 flavors, geez. sheesh i'm a flavor guy, i get angry about flavor things. i hate the limited edition flavors. limited time only. come on, the industrial revolution happened, we have the means of production, keep making the [ bleep ] flavors! [ cheers and applause ]
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i feel like whoever invented "celebrity jeopardy" must have been a real jerk. you know. "celebrity jeopardy," it's for charity, we're helping the community. could they have picked more cruel and fickle conditions determining whether or not a person receives money? hey, little timmy, we know you need this bone marrow transplant to live, but turns out joe pesci doesn't know that much about the ming dynasty, guess you're going to have to die. [ laughter ] all right, yeah. where are my ladies at? [ cheers and applause ] this next joke is for you. guys are stupid, right? [ cheers and applause ] guys are always talking about their weiner size, like, what, my wiener's so big, blah. but they're always talking about the size, never the mass. there's a difference, right? like consider mass per unit of volume. hypothetically, you could have a penis that occupies a cubic mile of physical space, but if it has
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the density of fog? [ laughter ] what are you going to say in that situation? "how big is it? uh, we're standing in it right now!" thank you very much! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: jesse elias, everybody. thanks, jesse. thanks to jon hamm, lizzy kaplan, sheila e., and apologies to matt damon, we ran out of time yet again. "nightline" is next. please watch it, good night!
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this is "nightline." >> tonight, the donald show. at the first republican debate, donald trump brings the noise. >> if you don't like it, i'm sorry. >> did any of the other candidates cut through? is trump stoppable? plus, the embryo custody battle. they wanted a family so they created frozen embryos. now they're divorced and she wants to have the babies while he is trying to stop her. it's a potentially precedent-setting case on a high-tech, highly sensitive issue that has even ensnared celebrities like sofia vergara. he went from america's youngest evening news anchor ever to a seasoned war

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