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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  October 28, 2015 11:35pm-12:38am PDT

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>> thank you for spending your time with us. jimmy kimmle is coming up next. >> have a good night and ask now abc's "jimmy kimmel live." ♪ >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, anna faris -- from "the daily show," trevor noah -- the 3rd annual canine costume parade -- and music from brett eldredge, with cleto and the cletones. and now, heavens to betsy, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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>> jimmy: hi, everybody. welcome, thank you. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks to all of you for gathering here. i'll tell you, i'm glad you're energetic. did you see that baseball game last night? 14 innings. it was the second-longest game in world series history. 5:09. it was brutal. i'm exhausted. my wife said to me this morning, you realize you're exhausted from watching other men play sports? and it's true. but very rude, very rude thing to say. that game last night was longer than a voice mail from your mother, it was crazy. there are a million people in new york and kansas city sleeping on their desks today. a baseball game should never be longer than the ken burns
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documentary about baseball was. this is pretty good. the mlb network during the pregame show, people say baseball is boring? but those people obviously aren't watching pregame programming like this. >> this is the place in between the clubhouse and the field that fans never get to go. okay, so guys, check this out. i want to show you the closet where the mets have their bat rack and their helmets. of course they're the visitors here. you see the number 5 helmet. this is what fans don't see. they never get to see this kind of thing. look at the corner of this door here, guys. fans never see this. >> jimmy: that's because we don't want to. because we don't care. game two of the world series is starting right now. i have a lot at stake in this series. i made a very stupid bet with my friend eric stonestreet who's from kansas city and loves the royals. if the mets lose i have to go into a bouncy castle while he shoots me with a paint ball gun. [ cheers and applause ] if the mets win -- oh, oh! oh, hey, how you doing? >> hey, jimmy.
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>> jimmy: how you doing? i was doing better yesterday before the game. >> i'm just in my backyard practicing a little bit. >> jimmy: practicing? oh, yeah, okay. how nice. well, that's fantastic. >> hey, look, i'm not even looking and i'm still hitting you in your balls. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well. yeah. it's going to be bad, it is. eric, are you going to watch -- you should be watching the game right now? >> yeah, except i'm here doing a bit on your show, my friend! can i go? >> jimmy: yeah, go listen to that lorde song over and over again you guys seem to love so much. >> one more time. >> jimmy: one more time. that is unpleasant. all right. eric stonestreet. [ cheers and applause ] that was a nice surprise. meanwhile, the other big competition from boulder,
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colorado, another republican presidential debate on cnbc. do we learn anything from these debates? the only thing voters might learn is cnbc is a channel. they cut the time for tonight's event, the length from three hours to two hours. i think they should run these debates like the miss america pageant. each candidate answers one 30-second question. the rest of the time they're walking around in bathing suits. right? [ cheers and applause ] it's an interesting race. the two front-runners, best carson who doesn't believe in evolution, and donald trump who kind of proves his point. there was controversy before the debate started. some of the candidates were unhappy with the green rooms they were given. this is where the candidates and their staffs hang out before and during the debate. basically the candidates with the highest poll numbers got the best rooms. the other guys got upset. donald trump got this room, the best room.
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looks like a buffalo wild wings. it's got everything. here's marco rube yes's room. not too bad. leather seats. carly fiorina's room had a jacuzzi in it. why, i have no idea. it's not "the bachelorette." this is the room they gave rand paul. for real. and his team was very unhappy with it so they complained, then they got this room, which now he has twofolding tables. and a dry erase board. new jersey governor chris christie got the worst space. his campaign manager said, this is ridiculous, fwheer a restroom. i'll tell you something. you do not want to be in a restroom with governor christie. just about everyone got mad about their room. the head of the rnc -- [ cheers and applause ] the head of the republican national committee had to settle it to make sure -- there hasn't been -- they say there hasn't been this much backstage squabbling since nicki minaj and mariah carey were judges on
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"american idol." donald trump was in sioux city yesterday. he's in second place in iowa. behind dr. ben carson. he is not happy about that at all. >> in most polls i'm number one. now until iowa came along, i said every poll. and then iowa. what the hell are you people doing to me? you know? when i heard the poll today they said, what are you going to do? i said, i'm going to work harder in iowa. i'm not leaving iowa. i'm not leaving iowa. now, if i lose iowa i will never speak to you people again. >> jimmy: he is being honest, i guess. trump also told the crowd in iowa, i am -- this is a quote. "i am a great christian." if you have to tell people you're a great christian? you might not be a great christian, i'm just saying. jesus said it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of god. which is why donald trump is now
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currently working on plans to build an enormous needle. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i don't know who won the debate tonight. because the debate is happening right now. it just started. this afternoon, hours before the debate started, we went on the street as we do and asked people how they thought donald trump did. again, well before the debate even happened. in this special "donald trump debate edition of lie witness news." >> tell me about how you think donald trump did at the debate last night. >> you know, i think he did well. i think a lot of the things he says are unconventional, but then i don't think we've seen a politician who says those sorts of things. >> tell me how you thought donald trump did during dat bate last night. >> boys truss as he usually is, lacking substance, talking about generalized things. >> what do you think about how he did pushups instead of a closing argument? was that powerful? >> that was horrible. over the top.
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>> how many did you see him do? >> maybe two, three. >> did you see that viral clip where donald trump did a backflip and said, this is what i'm going to do to obamacare? >> yeah. >> what did you think of it? >> i laughed. it was weird. >> tell me what was going through your mind when the intern wheeled out cinderblocks and he started building the wall onstage. what was he trying to prove? >> it was -- i kind of -- you know. i kind of cringed when that happened. oh my god, he just lost so many supporters. i cringed. that's all i could do. >> how do you think trump looked with bangs? was that cute? >> the bangs were cute. >> tell me what was going through your mind when you saw his toupee slipping. >> i was like, oh, girl, he's going to fire stylists today. >> was it cool when donald trump showed his muscles and said, i have the strength to lead this country? >> i thought that was kind of funny and cool and a little bit inspiring. >> what did you think of donald trump aefrs performance during the debate last night? >> rather interestingly, i think he has a lot to learn, in my
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opinion. >> where were you when you were watching it? >> in our hotel. >> our hotel. >> what did other people say in the room? >> shocked, confused about it all. >> we paused it and rewind and we're like, oh! >> wow, did that really happen if. >> are you guys even australian? >> yeah! >> you're not lying about that? >> no one can do an australian accent. >> but you are lying about watching the debate? >> absolutely. >> definitely. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you for being honest about your dishonesty. are you ready for halloween this weekend? i'm not going to any halloween parties. you go to a halloween party thrown by one of your co-workers, you still end up talking about work the whole time but you're drunk and dressed as a minion or something. i will not wear a costume on halloween night. that is my -- adults should not be wearing costumes on halloween. i will be at home in a mets jersey and cap and baseball pants and cleats. but i will not be in a costume.
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[ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] watching the game and answering the door. and by the way i will not give out fun sized candies. there's nothing fun about that size. i mentioned this last night. this weekend you are invited to take part in our annual halloween candy youtube challenge. this is when i invite parents to tell their kids they ate all their candy. we've done this four years running and we've received so many great videos like this. >> me and your mom ate all of your candy. >> you are not nice! >> uh-huh! >> we're really sorry. >> no you're not! wah! >> asher, we ate all your candy. >> oh, good job. >> jimmy: and another favorite. >> we accidentally ate a lot of halloween candy. >> did you -- did you eat -- mom, did you eat all of it? >> don't tell me you ate all of
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it. >> hon 93, i want to help you eat more healthy. >> you can eat your healthy stuff because you're fat. >> jimmy: sometimes the children fight back. your mission, should you choose to accept it, is shoot a video, tell your kids you ate all their candy, upload that video to youtube with the title hey jimmy kimmel i told my kids i ate all their halloween candy. check your youtube account for a message, we'll put the most outstanding videos on our show monday. remember, sometimes a good trick is the greatest treat of all. speaking of treats we have another beloved halloween tradition at our show. the annual canine costume parade. we invite a dog groomer cat austin to show off her funny and fancy dogs. these are some of the designs cat came up with. dogs covered with sesame street characters. hello kitty. next was the whole simpsons
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family on a dog. tonight we have many more wonders to behold. all new dogs in all new colors and shapes in our third annual canine costume parade, so stick around, be right back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by butterfinger. it's back t-mobile's most popular family plan. get 4 lines with up to 10 gigs of 4g lte data, each. no sharing just $30 bucks a line need new phones for the family? get the samsung galaxy s6 for zero upfront, and just ten bucks a month. plus, get a samsung 4g lte tablet on us when you get a new data plan only from t-mobile.
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>> jimmy: welcome back to the show. anna faris, music from brett eldredge is on the way. right now it's time for our third annual canine requests
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tumor parade. hello, how are you? with us again the internationally celebrated dog groomer cat opson, owner of astrea pet grooming in san juan capistrano, california. last time you were here, how hill hair yus a woman names cat grooms dogs. >> it's true. >> jimmy: tell us what you do to these dogs and with these dogs. >> with the creative dogs i come out with a plan, sketch it, begin by cutting it into the dog then coloring. >> jimmy: shaving it into the dog? >> yeah, scissoring. >> jimmy: you use nontoxic products? >> all nontoxic, specially made for pets, ph.d. balanced, semi permanent. >> jimmy: sometimes crazy people will write us to complain. but the pet dozen not mind it at all. >> they do not mind it at all. or they wouldn't look as good as they do. >> jimmy: so they wouldn't sit still?
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>> right. >> jimmy: you think dogs like to be groomed? i enjoy being groomed. >> i enjoy being groomed. some dogs like it, some dogs don't. you have to base it on the personality of the dog. >> jimmy: very good. let's meet the dogs. our first dog is a dog named kobe. named after the laker? >> yes. >> jimmy: or the beef? the laker? this is kobe. how much time did it take you to do this to kobe? >> kobe, probably took about 10 to taken hours. >> jimmy: kobe looks great. i don't want to ruin your look here. but you can see kobe -- you see, turn kobe to the side here. kobe is scooby do. >> he's running away from a monster because scooby was always scared of monsters. >> he was, very cowardly as far as dogs go. so kobe is a dog dressed as a dog? this is dog "inception" is what we have here. >> doggie "inception." dog within a dog. >> jimmy: how long will this last on the animal?
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>> lasts a couple months until it grows then you clip them short. >> jimmy: will his friends make fun of him? >> his friends do not make fun of im. >> jimmy: guillermo, come retrieve kobe. there's kobe. our next dog is -- kobe, here's a snack for you. there's a snack. yeah, give him snacks, guillermo. that's what dogs like, scooby snacks. scooby snacks, you know that guillermo? >> guillermo: yeah. >> jimmy: this is kissy. what is this? >> she is kissy scissor paws. edward scissor hands. >> jimmy: look at that. oh, yeah. yeah, there it is. not the dog you want humping your leg. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: kissy doesn't look like she likes this costume, do you, or maybe -- do you like dehydrated chicken? >> yes. >> jimmy: ow, got a little bit of my finger too. all right, okay she's dainty.
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>> jimmy: does kissy know you made the cover of "groomer to groomer" magazine? >> she does. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: she did know that? >> she does. >> jimmy: guillermo, come get kissy. that's a weird dog. next up we have -- let's see. we've got zeland. this is a poodle? >> this is a standard poodle. >> jimmy: standard poodle. and zeland -- wow. zelandrieu the short straw costume-wise. zeland -- >> kim claw-dashian. >> jimmy: she's got the big butt and the outfit like kim kardashian wears? >> she has her tight leggings and big fur coat. >> jimmy: is she in the kanye westminster dog show as well? [ laughter ]
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sorry about this, zeland. here you go. enjoy chicken as your reward. guillermo, come try to carry this dog off. how do you tease the hair out hike that? >> with a brush and some doggy hairspray. >> jimmy: they have hogdy hair pray? what is the name of that product? >> artero. >> jimmy: bring out the next dog. our next dog is -- >> phoebe. >> jimmy: phoebe. >> phoebe is the adorable little giraffe. >> jimmy: a giraffe, yeah. look at that. you want -- there you go. do giraffes like chicken? >> i don't think -- she might be a little cold. are you cold? >> jimmy: it's a fun-size giraffe is what it is. right? without the neck. hey, do you know what's happening right now? no, you have no idea? will they eat candy on halloween? will you take them around?
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>> they get cookies, not candy? there you go. that's a little bit -- there you go. >>. >> that's more her size. >> jimmy: guillermo, come get bebe. for our final animals we have a little theme. >> a duo. >> jimmy: bring them out. here we have a -- for the upcoming movie "star wars" we've got -- >> darth vader. >> jimmy: darth vader. and -- she hold on to darth vader? >> complete with his light saber. >> jimmy: he's got a light saber and everything. by the way, if that falls to the front we've got a problem. [ laughter ] >> darth vader. >> jimmy: it's a light stick, everyone, don't worry. and? >> this is soji, and he's a multitude of things. >> a multitude of characters. >> princess leia. then a storm trooper.
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>> jimmy: oh, a storm trooper right here. >> then the star wars logo. >> jimmy: wow, i tell you something. this is the kind of dog that maybe you could get j.j. abrams to adopt. >> and yoda. >> jimmy: look at that. [ cheers and applause ] >> this is yoda's light saber. >> i don't know what's going on either. thank you very much, kathy. you did unbelievable work once again. chicken for everyone. enjoy. that was our third annual canine costume parade. thank you, cat. tonight on the show music from bred eldredge. from "the daily show," trevor noah is here. and we'll be right back with anna faris. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by jet blue. proud presenters of humankinda.
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thank you so much. did you say honey? hey, try some? mmm that is tasty. is it real? of course... are you? nope animated
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you know i'm always looking for real honey for honey nut cheerios well you've come to the right place. great, mind if i have another taste? not at all mmm you're all right bud? never better i don't know if he likes that. yeah part of the complete breakfast
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back. tonight the new host of "the daily show" on comedy central, trevor noah is here. then, this is his album. it's called "illinois." brett eldredge from the samsung stage. we have a big show tomorrow, harrison ford, from "scandal" katie lowes, our tenth annual half and half halloween costume pageant where we take one costume and jam it into another costume to form a single double
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super costume. last year we had unicorn on the cob. part unicorn, part corn on the cob. walter whiteout, walter white and a bottle of whiteout. and george washingtoning machine. it's better than it sounds. our wardrobe department won an emmy for this. now we make them do it every year and they want to kill us. our first guest is a funny woman with a popular show, season three of "mom" premieres a week from thursday on cbs. please say hello to anna faris! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: how are you doing? you look very pretty, thank you for coming. >> you look very handsome. >> jimmy: if i was a woman --
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and i'm actually not, turns out. this is the kind of dress i would wear. >> no way. >> jimmy: it is. >> why? >> jimmy: i like the collar and i like the color. >> oh, thanks. are you thinking about -- as a woman you'd get laid in this dress? >> jimmy: no, because i'd be a fat, hairy woman. but maybe, who knows, i don't know. guys are easy. >> i feel like this -- this dress makes me look like i'm a little more proper than i am. >> jimmy: do you feel like you're sending a false message of primness? >> normally when i'm on your show, jimmy, i'm a little more drunk. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> so tonight i'm trying to behave. i hope it's reflected. >> jimmy: in a way this is like your halloween costume, you dressing as someone -- >> it is, the character. >> jimmy: do you dress up for halloween? >> no. >> jimmy: you will not? >> i'm not crazy like you. not crazy about halloween. >> jimmy: i don't love it. i like it for kids. i think it's fun. i hate having to find a costume and put a costume on and do all
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that costume stuff. >> it's the worst. as a woman, you lose. if you dress up as something sexy, it's inevitably uncreative. it's like you're a sexy baseball player. >> jimmy: anything good-looking. >> you're a cat, you're a sexy sandwich, i don't know. if you want to go the other way, like something interesting and truly creative, then you're envious of like the sexy women. >> jimmy: oh, you are. >> of course. you're like, man! i was trying to go for cool and there's all these hot women. >> jimmy: here i am dressed as a potato. >> yes. >> jimmy: the one thing i do like, it just occurred to me, that i like about dressing up on halloween, first of all driving in the costume. because it's always funny to see people react. and also going into the store on the way to the party. >> yeah. >> jimmy: in the costume.
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>> what store? >> jimmy: like the supermarket or something like that. maybe, i don't know, get a bottle of wine somewhere. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you go in there, everyone's like, oh, hey, look at that! >> that's your halloween highlight. >> jimmy: that's right. >> ralph's. >> jimmy: your son is 3 years old? >> 3. >> jimmy: he's got to be ready for halloween. >> yeah, yeah. we're entering that world for sure. >> jimmy: yeah, what's he going to be? >> so he -- we let him pick his costume this year. and he's decided to become a dinosaur. a t-rex. >> jimmy: okay. >> it's adorable but it also adds sort of a layer of -- a little bit of weirdness. because, of course, my husband is chris pratt. and then jurassic. >> jimmy: "jurassic world." are this is the first year we're taking him trick-or-treating, looking forward to that as parents. i'm a little bit self-conscious. i'm hoping we don't get a lot of
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people being like, oh, self-promotion, huh? >> jimmy: now available on blu-ray. yeah. you'll be giving out dvds at the door. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: you are going to get that. it's going to look like chris is walking around with a prop from the movie. >> we're a bunch of jerks, yeah. we're exploiting our child. oh, god. >> jimmy: you've been posting some pictures on twitter of your son. this is very cute but alarming as a parent to happen upon something like this. is he cleaning it? >> i told him he needed to. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> you can see the guilty look on his face. yeah. i discovered -- i don't know what i'm doing as a parent at all. >> jimmy: right, yeah. >> so i'll be doing something, talking to a friend, doing laundry, whatever. my child's quiet. it took me awhile to realize when the child is quiet -- >> jimmy: it's a very bad sign. >> it's not good. >> jimmy: he's doing something
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like this. you've got a little bangsy on your hands. >> yeah, yeah. he's like, mommy, that's a truck! >> jimmy: and this is -- what is this here? >> those are diaper wipes. >> jimmy: that could have been a lot worse by the way. >> yeah. that's true. but you can see how attentive i am. as a mother. >> jimmy: you have no experience with kids? >> i'm the youngest. and the only experience i had was i was a babysitter. you know, when i was growing up, it was okay for a babysitter to be 12. >> jimmy: yeah. weirdly, that's not okay anymore, yeah. >> yes. i was a 12-year-old babysitter. i was so bad. >> jimmy: you were? >> yeah. i was $2 an hour. but i babysat these two kids. my mom meanwhile, to put this in a bit of perspective, my mom,
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there was this whole sort of naturopath, allergy thing coming into trend. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> when the idea of peanut allergy came around, my mom would be like, oh, nobody's allergic to peanuts. that's just impossible. so i was babysitting these kids. and the little boy told me he was allergic to peanuts. and of course i'd heard my mom be like, nobody's allergic to peanuts. so i had this little snickers bar mr. in my purse. this is so bad. i can't believe i'm telling this story. anyway. so i said, you're not allergic to peanuts. come on, eat this, eat this. >> jimmy: oh. >> he was looking at me like he wanted to so badly. and i was like, come on just eat it. >> jimmy: like he was face-to-face with the devil. >> and his eyes started to well up. he wanted it so badly. he was like, i can't, i can't, i'm allergic to peanuts.
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nobody's allergic to peanuts! he was like, i can't, i can't. i was like, fine! >> jimmy: he didn't eat it? okay, good. >> he didn't eat it. >> jimmy: i thought this was going -- >> can you imagine in the trajectory of my life. >> jimmy: you'd be in prison right now. >> i would. this is why 12-year-olds shouldn't babysit. >> jimmy: because of you, the reason 12-year-olds are no longer allowed to babysit. >> i know. i was forcing -- oh, god. >> jimmy: you're enjoying your time on "mom"? allison janney, costar, seems like a freight person. >> she's amazing. >> that's not an act? >> i know a lot of the actors talk about how amazing their whatever -- >> jimmy: they do, they're lying. right. >> the truth is, she's one of my dearest friends. i'm so lucky i get to work with her. >> jimmy: you're hosting a podcast now. alison was on this podcast. >> yes. >> jimmy: what is the name of the podcast? >> the podcast is called anna faris is unqualified.
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>> jimmy: is it about babysitting? >> it's an umbrella theme. >> jimmy: i see. >> it's not so great relationship advice from completely unqualified hollywood types. >> that sounds perfect. then do people call in? >> yeah, yeah. they submit their questions. then we call them. and we talk to them. it's so ridiculous. because we have no idea what we're talking about. >> jimmy: you're really selling the hell out of it. >> yeah, yeah. well, hopefully -- hopefully that's part of the charm, i guess. >> jimmy: it better be. it had better be yeah. well, it's very good to see you. i hope halloween works out great. no nickers for tsnickers for th. anna faris, watch "mom" on cbs, be right back! >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by butterfinger.
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take it off, ready? oh. ta-da! i'm going to put it back on now. ta-da! >> that it? not good enough for a butterfinger. that trick was terrible. >> trick or treat! >> trick. hold this. thank you. >> trick or treat. >> trick. >> sign the note, please. >> sorry. >> it was a trick! >> it was a trick. >> trick or treat! >> trick. but it's not even a trick. seriously? not good enough for a butterfinger.
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>> trick or treat! >> no, no! not my butterfingers! >> dicky: give those monsters what they want. get your fingers on some butterfingers. >> jimmy: we'll be right back with trevor noah! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ you don't have to pick up a bag of butterfinger for halloween. maybe your house looks good... covered in toilet paper. give those monsters what they want. get your fingers on some butterfinger. layover. 24 hours. hello, reykjavik. oh, so that's how you spell it. what are you looking at? oh, cool. hungry. fish, anyone? hello, seventh waterfall of the day. hello, duck boat. hello, sheep? oh right! itchy icelandic sweaters and no foreign transaction fees. sweet. one last look. ahh. triple points. and we're off. what's next? wherever the journey takes you, carry american express gold.
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is already here with x1. only from xfinity. >> jimmy: we're back. still to come, music from brett eldredge. our next guest was kind enough to travel all the way from south africa to explain our news to us. he's the newest host of "the daily show" on comedy central. please say hello to trevor noah. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: how you doing? thank you for spending debate night here with us. i know this is a main sacrifice. >> it's a huge sacrifice. i could be watching ben carson talking right now. could be watching carly fiorina talking about the economy. sorry about the mets.
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>> it's not over, best of seven. it's not a cricket match like you have over there in south africa. >> i don't know what was going on, watching the game, i'm learning baseball. watching the game and it goes nine, then 10, 11, 12 -- do they just play forever? someone's going to die! >> jimmy: it was almost me last night. so it was one month ago today that you took over "the daily show." >> yes, it was, wow. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how are you tealing? is it overwhelming? >> it is insane. it's a wonderful, wonderful experience. the best way i can describe it is i phoned my mom did tell her about the whole thing. hi mom said everything i described to her was the equivalent of having a child. like for months and months i was pregnant and i knew i was going to have to give birth to this thick. people would judge me how i raise it and treat it. in the end i would be proud of it and some days i would hate it with all my heart but at the end
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of the day it would be what i created so i have to live with it. >> jimmy: when you told me that story we were standing with jon stewart. i was like, this guy's mother is unbelievable. >> she really is. >> jimmy: my mother never tells me anything like that. i was angry at my mother when i walked away. what incredible advice! imagery! well, i'm curious about the fact that you were very successful in south africa. you were a comedian, you had a talk show over there. >> yes. >> jimmy: you were an actor, you were a radio deejay -- >> radio deejay is a strong term. i was on the radio from 3:00 a.m. to 6:00 a.m. on the weekends. >> jimmy: okay. >> that's not like being a deejay. if you know your listeners by name, that's not a job. like it's the same people calling every day. >> jimmy: i've been there. >> you did that as well? >> jimmy: you want caller 97 and the first seven callers are the same guy. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you have to go through the whole process till you get
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to it. >> i didn't have 97, i had three lights flashing, 12 open. three flashing. hello, bill. he'd be like, "as i was saying yesterday." we'd continue the conversation. there's nothing i could do. >> jimmy: so you're doing pretty well. >> thank you. >> jimmy: very well. you're doing well now, of course. and you decide i'm going to move to the united states. >> yes. >> jimmy: and do standup comedy. >> yes. >> jimmy: which seems kind of crazy to me. >> it was crazy. but south africa's small. and one thing americans take for granted is that america dictates entertainment to the rest of the world. i made it sound bad. america informs the world. it sounds like america says, "this is entertainment!" when you're from a small place you want to go to america and tell jokes. i realized i couldn't just visit america. it's so big. came out and i was like, i'm going to go to every single city i can. all in all i did 40 states going to little tiny clubs everywhere. >> jimmy: 40 states?
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>> yeah. el paso, texas, to erie, pennsylvania, and just like random -- yeah. >> jimmy: i've been to both those places. i spent a week in erie, pennsylvania, once. most people don't see -- most americans don't go to more than like, i don't know, maybe a dozen, two dozen states in their life. >> i thought that was normal. i thought that's what you're supposed to do. >> jimmy: nothing's normal here. [ laughter ] >> i was in el paso and i almost got deported. >> jimmy: you did, why? >> what happened was -- you know google does that thing sometimes where it's like you're going this way, you're going that way. google was taking me to a mall but there was no mall, the mall was a border. i'm going to the mall to buy sneakers. next thing i'm in a group of people. oh, this mall must be really popular. we're all together. the next thing you know, "welcome to mexico." is there a mall named mexico? then i see the border. oh, i'm at the border. i try to turn around because i don't want to go to mexico because i've left my passport at the hotel.
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the guy's like, hey, keep moving? no, no, i'm not going to mexico. he's like, keep going! the border patrol guy gets to me. where's your passport? i said, funny story, i left the passport. i'm totally supposed to be here but my passport's at the motel. he's like, good story. go to mexico. i'm like, i'm not from mexico. the guy was going to deport me. luckily i said, google me. and that was the first time i was like, google. google got me into it but also got me out of it. >> google led you astray and saved you. >> and saved me. >> jimmy: do you find that, talking about politics and politicians in the united states, is more fun than talking about politics in south africa? >> i don't know, i think it's the same. we have the same -- like we have crazy, you guys have crazy. this is fun. america has crazy politicians. you know what i think is nice, in america the people take the craze politicians seriously. that's more fun. south africa we're like, that
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guy is crazy, we'll vote for him anyway. in america people are like, that guy seems serious, we should build a wall. >> jimmy: relatively recent. for no other rope than to keep you out of the mall. we should build a mall at the border. >> at the border, yeah. it's fun, it's crazy. >> jimmy: you're doing a great job. welcome to -- on behalf of america, welcome. >> thank you very much. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: trevor know yeah, everybody. "the daily show" airs weeknights at 11:00 on comedy central. we'll be right back with brett eldredge! >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by samsung.
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why let someone else have all the fun?
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the sometimes haphazard, never boring fun. the why can't it smell like this all the time fun. the learning the virtue of sharing fun. why let someone else have all the fun? that's no fun. unleash the power of dough. give it a pop. >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by samsung. >> jimmy: i'd like to thank anna faris, trevor noah and apologize to matt damon we ran out of time. he'll be rescheduled. "nightline" is next but first, this is his album "illinois." here with the song "drunk on your love" brett eldredge!
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♪ ♪ the second she walked through the door i caught a buzz ♪ ♪ one taste from your lips knocked me out just like a drug ♪ ♪ the rest of the night's kind of blurry now the sun's peeking through the shades ♪ ♪ i can't help but laugh cause i kind of like feeling this way ♪ ♪ i woke up up still drunk drunk on your love love on your love love ♪ ♪ now i know why-y i'm feeling so high high cause i'm still drunk drunk on your love on your love ♪ ♪ oh yeah ♪ ♪ it's not in the whiskey tequila or the wine
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it's all about the touch and the fire in your eyes ♪ ♪ it gets me fumbling always stumbling through a haze i got plenty to do just layin here with you all day ♪ ♪ i woke up up still drunk drunk on your love love on your love love ♪ ♪ now i know why-y i'm feeling so high high 'cause i'm still drunk drunk on your love on your love ♪ ♪ ♪ wish i could bottle you up and drink you in all day long every day singing this song ♪ ♪ i woke up up
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still drunk drunk on your love love on your love love love ♪ ♪ now i know why-y i'm feeling so high high 'cause i'm still drunk drunk on your love on your love ♪ ♪ woke up still drunk on your love on your love ♪ ♪ woke up still drunk on your love on your love ♪ ♪ woke up still drunk on your love on your love ♪ ♪ woke up still drunk on your love ♪ ♪ woke up still drunk on your love on your love ♪ ♪ woke up still drunk on your love ♪ ♪ i'm so drunk
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this is "nightline." >> tonight -- >> you should be showing up to work. >> fight night in the dpop. >> someone is convinced he's attacking me is going to help mill. >> the third debate full of surprising twists and attacks. >> this stuff is fantasy. >> his poll numbers tanked. he's on the end. >> with former front-runner trump in a slump, would he go after the man who's now beating him in some polls? who won and who lost tonight? the high stakes in the highly unpredictable republican primary race. plus, professional pranksters. we're behind the scenes with the impractical jokers. the lifelong best friends now a global cult phenomenon. carrying the


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