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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  December 7, 2016 11:35pm-12:38am PST

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commute. >> we appreciate your time. >> thaor being here with us. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- ryan gosling. from "office christmas party," t.j. miller. and music from pentatonix. and now, what's more -- here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome to the show. very nice. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching. all right.
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since you're so enthusiastic, i have a magic trick i learned. you want me to do it? you like magic? because some people don't like it. all right. so i am going to say a phrase, a magic phrase. and you, all of you, involuntarily, whether you want to or not, whether you realize it or not, you will suddenly act like you're on a roller coaster. are you ready? okay. ryan gosling is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] all right! the ride is over! the ride has come to a complete stop now. ryan gosling was in "the notebook," he was in "drive." [ cheers and applause ] he was the star of a very confusing sex dream i had. [ laughter ] he's here with us tonight. also tonight from the comedy "office christmas party," t.j. miller is here. [ cheers and applause ] pentatonix is here with us today
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too. i will say, though -- the big news today, "time" magazine has named their person of the year. it's none other than president-elect donald trump. he is the person of the year. which is a big deal because this might be one of our last years. [ laughter ] trump won in spite of losing in "time's" online poll to hillary clinton. can she win anything? she was the runner-up. really, hillary's now just hoping to win a mug that says "world's best grandma." [ laughter ] [ applause ] person of the year, i do want to distinguish, because "time" does, it doesn't necessarily mean best person of the year, it's just person of the year. although don't tell donald trump that. he did interviews about this, funny to start, he said it was a very, very great honor and "time" is a very important magazine. i think he's more excited about this than being president, to be honest. some of the people of the year include mahatma gandhi, joseph stalin, winston churchill, nixon, putin, obama, and hitler.
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so trump is definitely fitting in there, you decide where he fits in for yourself. the president-elect, he's really come a long way from his first "time" magazine cover, an honor he received in 1989 where he was working as a magician in atlantic city. [ laughter ] isn't that something. so anyway, congratulations to donald trump. and to the photographer who got him to sit still and not tweet for 30 seconds. that's the guy who should be person of the year this year. [ cheers and applause ] donald trump is currently traveling around the country on what has been billed as his thank you tour, holding rallies in some of the states he won. last night in fayetteville, north carolina, where we slowed him down for a brand-new edition of "drunk donald trump." [ tape playing slowly ] >> he led an assault battalion in operation desert storm.
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and you saw what that had -- what -- that was the way you're supposed to lead it. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's exactly right. hey, this is a subject i'm surprised donald trump hasn't gone off on yet. the cleveland cavaliers were in new york playing the knicks tonight. the team as they usually do booked rooms at the trump hotel in soho. but lebron james and a number of his teammates decided to stay elsewhere. they didn't want to stay at a trump hotel. which i don't know if moving to another hotel is the best way to protest. why not just stay at his hotel and steal all the towels from the room? [ laughter ] by the way, can you imagine how many tiny little soaps a man the size of lebron james must go through? they're probably saving money not having him there. [ laughter ] in boxing news, this is from a press conference this morning for a british heavyweight title match happening this weekend. the press conference that will go down in history as having perhaps the worst microphone
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placement of all-time. >> what i'm saying to you -- >> okay. you take a chill pill. because what you're trying to say, after the fight -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's "time" magazine's person of the year in 1938. here's something for those of you who enjoy watching and drinking along with the bachelor, a new line of bachelor-inspired wines. the bachelor wine collection is out. there are four varieties. all aptly named. they are one on one chardonnay. the fantasy suite cabernet. the final rose rose. and there's a rash on my pinot noir. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] it's exciting. now at long last you can get drunk and make the same terrible life choices as the actual contestants. [ laughter ] in addition -- by the way, they're selling a new drink to keep you hydrated.
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it's not alcohol. bachelor hot tub bottled water. straight from the tub. it's std-delicious. today abc revealed photos and bios of the women who will vie for bachelor nick's love this season. a total of 30 bachelor contestants were announced. in a surprise turn of events they're all named jasmine. every one. no only two of them are named jasmine. one of the contestants, alexis, her job is aspiring dolphin trainer. yeah, my daughter's an aspiring dolphin trainer too, she's 2 years old. [ laughter ] there's a law school graduate named lauren who i'm pretty sure is just olivia from last season in a fun new top. this is taylor, she's a mental health counselor. see, i think if you're looking for a husband on tv, you need a mental health counselor. [ laughter ] by far the most popular occupation among the women this season is nurse. we've got briana. seems like the primary requirement for being on "the
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bachelor" is ability to put a hand or two hands on your hips. we've got britney -- oh, not on the hips. maybe she'll be out immediately. is this danielle? i don't know, this is one of them. who's the next one? we've got britney, that's britney, she's a traveling nurse which i'm pretty sure means she takes vacations with older guys, right? [ laughter ] finally, we have josephine, who says she's an unemployed nurse. who isn't really, if you think about it. [ laughter ] that's four nurses in one house. there are more nurses on "the bachelor" than "grey's anatomy" this year. abc also says, they tease us, saying one of the women has a big secret. and i don't want to be a spoiler but i happen to know what it is. she can read. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] that's true. it's going to be an exciting year. how funny would it be if nick just looked through the pictures and said, nah, i don't know, i don't like any of them, let's get another batch. starbucks today announced that they are planning to add 12,000
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new locations, bringing their total number of stores to a zillion. [ laughter ] how is it possible? starbucks has to be the most successful company ever that makes money selling you something you could easily make yourself if you just woke up five minutes earlier. [ laughter ] at the current rate of expansion, they say by the year 2030, every person in america will have their own personal starbucks store. which should help them get your name spelled right on the cup, i guess. [ laughter ] at the same time, amazon is testing something called amazon go. this is a grocery store, a real store, not online. you don't have to check out, you don't have to wait in line to shop. which i thought amazon already had a way for us to shop without waiting in line, it was called amazon. [ laughter ] but this is a market. they opened one in seattle. you just gather your stuff and you walk out the door, you go home. they track what you buy with cameras and miniature sensors. which they say is great for people who love grocery shopping but wish it could be more like the movie "minority report."
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it's a little confusing. amazon made a video that walks through the process. it really is kind of amazing. >> welcome to amazon go. use the amazon go app to enter. then put away your phone and start shopping. anything you pick up is automatically added to your virtual cart. and if you change your mind, just put it back. please don't consume the products in the store. hey. hey! that's not how this works. when you leave, our just go technology charges your amazon account and you can keep going. but again, you can't just come in here and eat. sir. you have to pay for that. >> guillermo: no hablo ingles. >> come on, guy, i didn't eat any cake! >> amazon go -- to jail, because you can't be trusted. [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: how was jail, guillermo? >> guillermo: terrible! i don't want to go back. >> jimmy: i'm glad you got out. guillermo's been busy lately. in addition to drinking tequila he's my cohost on an award-winning educational show. every afternoon on cable access television we help kids with their homework. we're very proud what was we do. if you'll allow to us show off a little, it's time for another fun-filled segment of learning with "the homework helper guys." ♪ science and geography mathematics and anatomy ♪ ♪ physics and biology ♪ if you want to get wise call the homework helper guys ♪ >> jimmy: hello, we are the homework helper guys. this is mr. guillermo. i am mr. kimmel. we're here to help you with any questions you might have. homework questions, questions about life, you name it, we are here. let's start with these two young men. yeah, what are your names? >> my name is milo. >> my name's emmett. >> and i'm in fourth grade and he's in second grade. >> jimmy: what is your homework question?
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>> our first question is, why are some people not allowed to vote? >> jimmy: if you're technically, legally, mentally crazy, you are not allowed to vote. also if you are in prison on probation for felony you are not allowed to vote. what else? you know the weirdest group of people of all who are not allowed to vote? kids. >> what? >> jimmy: kids. if you're under 18 you're not allowed to vote. because you know, kids pick their noses and eat and it stuff like that, we can't have people who make decisions like that voting. you understand? emmett, do you ever pick your nose and eat it? >> no! >> jimmy: never? >> never! >> jimmy: not even one time? >> actually, he did one time. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he did, when was it? what happened? tell us about that. >> well -- >> no i didn't! >> last year -- >> i didn't! >> jimmy: you did. >> last year -- >> i did not!
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>> jimmy: a little bit. >> eat pancakes -- >> jimmy: you ate a piece of snot off your pancakes? >> no! >> jimmy: that's why you're not allowed to vote, it's pretty simple. >> and in your opinion what is an example of an idea that is -- of an idea that is not a law that should be a law? >> jimmy: that is not a law that should be a law? that's a good question. well, number one, i think it should be illegal to pick your nose and eat it in your pancakes. you know a law i don't like that i think should not be a law is gravity. gravity. because if we didn't have this stupid law of gravity, we could all fly. >> then in my school i wouldn't need to take dance class. which i'd be sad about. >> jimmy: oh, emmett, do you like to dance? >> no. >> jimmy: not at all? >> he does. he takes hip-hop classes. >> i do not! >> yes, you do.
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>> i'm leaving. >> jimmy: emmett -- you deny taking hip-hop classes? you deny picking your nose? poor emmett. emmett took a beating here today. do you guys argue a lot? oh, look, he's back. >> yes. >> jimmy: you do argue a lot. what do you fight about? >> we -- we were just in an argument like a second ago. >> jimmy: about what? >> emmett do this, emmett why did you say that -- >> jimmy: who names their kid emmett? i mean, emmett, you're going to stick with that name? or are you going to change that when you turn 18? >> oh, yeah, i'm definitely going to change it. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what are you going to change it to, emmett? >> what are you going to change your name to, emmett? i know what he's going to change his name to, guillermo! >> no! >> guillermo: yeah! >> no! >> jimmy: what name are you going to change it to? >> orfin. >> jimmy: orson? >> orfin.
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i'll spell it. o-r-f-i-n. >> jimmy: orphan. at the count of three, fight! all right? one, two, three, fight! thanks for watching "the homework helper guys." we are the homework helper guys. remember, if there is a dispute in your home, fight your brother. ♪ if you want to get wise call the homework helper guys ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have a good show tonight. music from pentatonix, t.j. miller is here, and be right back with ryan gosling! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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>> jimmy: hi, welcome back to the show. tonight from "silicon valley" on hbo and the new movie "office christmas party" - t.j. miller is here. and then later, a grammy-winning group of a capella-ers, this is their holiday album called "a pentatonix christmas." pentatonix from the lobby stage. and a good show tomorrow. jennifer aniston will be here, tom ford will join us, we'll have music from frenship. and tom holland, peter parker himself will swoop in with the exclusive world premiere trailer for "spider-man: homecoming." and we have a new show on friday too, with the cast of "rogue one: a star wars story" and music from a tribe called quest. please join us for all that. [ cheers and applause ] earlier today, our first guest had the shape of his feet and hands permanently cemented into the pavement that makes up hollywood boulevard. he stars along with emma stone in a great new movie called "la la land."
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it opens in select theaters friday and everywhere on christmas day, please welcome ryan gosling. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you look very nice. very handsome. i just want to point out that there are like married like 53-year-old men whistling for ryan gosling. that's the kind of effect you're having on people. [ cheers and applause ] >> that's my mom and her friends. i told them not to come. >> jimmy: what do you have here? what is going on? >> oh, this?
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>> jimmy: yes, that. >> oh, well, i heard that you were hosting the academy awards. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that is true. i am hosting. thanks. >> on my way in i went down to the souvenir store downstairs. and i found this. >> jimmy: oh, wow. what does it say? >> on it it says -- best host. >> jimmy: best host? >> best host ever. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, thank you. >> the bag? >> jimmy: wow what a -- >> i believe you're going to be the best host ever, my friend. >> jimmy: well, thank you. [ cheers and applause ] i can't imagine that would be true, but -- i can only disappoint. >> what can go wrong? >> jimmy: who do you think was the best host ever? >> i also heard, sorry -- >> jimmy: go ahead. >> that you were having another baby. >> jimmy: that is right, yes. [ cheers and applause ] oh, there's more? >> i found these chocolate cigars. >> jimmy: oh, thank you.
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that is really -- >> they're a little melted because guillermo and i hugged. >> guillermo: that's right. >> for i guess a little too long. >> jimmy: mexico, i like that, that's nice. who hosted the oscars the year you were nominated? >> ellen. >> jimmy: she did a fantastic job. i'm not going to be as good as her, definitely. >> not with that attitude. [ laughter ] come on man. one thing i want to tell you, though, make sure you have the right people backstage when you get off from giving your monologue. >> jimmy: you mean security people? >> no, i mean, last year when chris hosted, chris rock. >> jimmy: right. >> he came off after his monologue and i think what you want to see in that moment is a friend or -- >> jimmy: enthusiasm. >> somebody that you know, you know. instead he saw me. because i was presenting next. but he was -- the disappointment in his eyes that it was me that he saw was palpable. and i didn't hear the monologue
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because i was traveling through the bowels of the building while it was happening so i didn't want to just say -- i didn't know what to say. >> jimmy: you didn't want to lie and say, great job. >> yes, we were just staring at each other. you know, dave chappelle was standing behind me, he just saved us both from this awful situation. >> jimmy: what did he do? >> he just moved me aside. he just went in there. chris was like, thank god. like a jedi. why was he the first person? make sure you have guillermo or your mother -- >> jimmy: don't worry, i'm sure they will all be there, yeah. your mother will probably be there with me at this event. >> well, yes. >> jimmy: speaking of your mom, i know that you had a major event, really. congratulations to you. because this is not just getting a star on hollywood boulevard. when they invite you to put your hands and feet in cement, that's serious. i mean, that means you've really, really hit the big-time. i think we have video of that. i want to ask one thing. because i thought about this a couple of times.
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there you are with emma stone, the two of you together. did you think about taking off your shoes and putting your feet in? because really, those aren't your footprints. they're your shoes. they're your shoeprints. >> that's a good point. we should have talked about this earlier. >> jimmy: i know. we definitely could have worked this out. >> it is hard to know how to navigate getting down there. >> jimmy: yeah. are there rules that they tell you? >> the thing to go to is to get on, you know -- all fours. >> jimmy: right. yeah, you have to. >> well. do you? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i guess you can walk on your hands -- >> you get on all fours and look up and smile. it's not your first choice of positions. [ laughter ] that you want to be in. >> jimmy: right, you're right. [ cheers and applause ] it's an awkward way to start your legendary stint. >> you have to have a look of gratitude. so i was thinking, how do i -- so i tried the spider-man at
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first. i thought i would just do both hands like this. i would do like i was tying my shoe, one hand and one hand. and they weren't having any of it. >> jimmy: they weren't. >> they were pushing -- >> jimmy: they tell at you and tell you what to do, right, the photographers? the whole event is supposed to be this big thing and all it is, hey ryan, hey ryan, hey ryan, look over here! you better look over or they get mad. >> they get very mad. >> jimmy: did you bring an extra pair of shoes? did you rinse the shoes off? >> i have to deal with the shoes. >> jimmy: you don't have people? you don't have shoe people? >> i don't have shoe people. do you have shoe people? >> jimmy: of course i have shoe people. [ laughter ] >> wow. >> jimmy: you've got to get shoe people. you were also just in budapest. shooting "blade runner," a new version of "blade runner." [ cheers and applause ] is it great in budapest? do you recommend it as a place to visit? >> it's a wonderful place. >> jimmy: did you enjoy working with harrison ford? >> he's a -- he's a cool [ bleep ].
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[ laughter ] >> jimmy: he is. that's all right. >> we'll have to wleep that, but there's no other way to say it. >> jimmy: i've found as he's been here a few times that it took a due times before -- even though this is a talk show, really before he would speak to me. [ laughter ] but now i feel like he considers me to be like a son or something like that. maybe not a son. maybe a neighbor that he'll wave to as he drives by. >> right. >> jimmy: even though we don't live near each other at all. i assume -- i don't know where he lives. that's the thing. well -- >> jimmy: did you hang out with him? did you guys bond? >> i -- you know, we worked a lot together, you know. he's funny. i had no idea. i asked him one night how -- who he got his sense of human por from, from his mother or his father. he just stared me down and said, "sears." he said, "i got it from sears,
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and they were closing, and i didn't have time to shop around so i just had to grab one." >> jimmy: how many months were you there? >> five. >> jimmy: wow, that's a long time. >> long time. >> jimmy: when we come back we're going to see a clip from your new movie, which is just terrific. ryan gosling, it's called "lala land." we'll be right back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by slim jim. bust out of boring with the original meat stick. snap into a slim jim today.
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i want you to know you're looking at a newman. a man that's happy to be here. >> excellent. >> very easy to work with. >> you're going to play the set list? >> happy to. even though i don't think anyone cares what i play. >> well. if by anyone you mean anyone other than me, that would be correct. i care. >> right. okay. although i -- i thought in this town it worked on a sort of one for you, one for me type system. how about two for you, one for me? how about -- all for you and none for me? >> that's perfect, yes. >> great. >> okay. >> okay, mutual decision then. >> right, made by me. >> right. and i sign off on it. >> whatever. tell yourself what you want to know. >> jimmy: that is "lala land." i mentioned, and i do mean it, you did a great job. emma stone is fantastic in the
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movie. the whole movie is just really, really, really good. >> thank you, jimmy. >> jimmy: your piano playing in the movie, i was watching you, i felt like it must be a trick. as far as i knew you didn't play the piano but you're really place it in the movie. >> yep. >> jimmy: well. >> thank you. >> jimmy: you're welcome. but that is -- i don't know why i find that mind-boggling. but you shouldn't be like -- you shouldn't look like this and be able to do that. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] it's too much. it's too much, you've gone too far. >> i'm sorry. >> jimmy: how hard did you practice? i mean, was it nonstop? it's not just -- >> yeah. >> jimmy: it's good piano playing. >> the director wanted to shoot all of the -- in the tradition of the old musicals, fred and ginger, gene kelly, that style, they would do all their numbers in one shot generally or try to. it gives you a feeling as an audience like you're watching a
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high wire act. this could go south at any second. there's no fancy editing. it invests you in a different way. >> jimmy: there's literally no editing. >> if you want to shoot all these things in one shot. a few of those, we did dance numbers in one shot, but the one thing for me was that i had to play the whole theme of the movie on the piano in one take. >> jimmy: without screwing up. >> without messing up. >> jimmy: is that a tremendous amount of pressure? i think -- >> because it was my first day? yes. >> jimmy: your very first day of shooting? >> yes. >> jimmy: you had to do that? >> yeah. >> jimmy: that is crazy. i would have screwed that up so many times. they would have just fired me. i mean, really. i feel like even, if my job was to answer the phone in the background i would have ruined it. it's so much focus on you. and to do that is -- i think people will understand it better when they see it. also you have the dance. you have to do a lot. you really dug deep down to those mickey mouse club roots. [ laughter ] i mean, that paid off in a big way on this particular film.
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>> oddly enough, i thought my background in '90s hip-hop would help. [ laughter ] it doesn't translate. just soft shoe. >> jimmy: do you feel like now when you go to a wedding or something you'll be a star on the dance floor? you'll be great? >> i forget everything. >> jimmy: already? you've forgotten everything? >> as soon as we did it. i emptied out my brain and had to program it with what else was coming up next. >> jimmy: that's it? really? it's gone? >> it's gone. yeah. >> jimmy: well. it was really not worth a whole lot, was it, i guess? >> no, it wasn't. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you don't remember any of the dancing at all? >> no. i mean, i remember, you know -- maybe the waltzing. that's pretty easy. >> jimmy: okay, all right. >> i don't remember the tap dancing. >> jimmy: is the waltzing easy? >> i think i know where this is going. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: where this is going? would you like to dance? >> are you asking me to show you
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how to walts? >> jimmy: i guess i am, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] show us how to waltz. >> i only know the guy part so that puts us in an interesting position. >> jimmy: i don't know either part so it doesn't make much of a difference. [ cheers and applause ] >> i need a little ambiance. >> jimmy: if you feel anything, it's just a cigarette. [ laughter ] >> all right, let me get a look at you. could we have a little ambiance? ♪ and some music. great. >> jimmy: i'm like emma stone in this. >> straighten up. >> jimmy: i was straightened up. >> let me take a look at you. >> jimmy: okay. ♪ >> can we have some romantic music? >> jimmy: that wasn't romantic? >> let's get sensitive, man. ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: i thought i was straightened up. >> put your arms out. >> jimmy: all right. >> straight like this. >> jimmy: yes? >> sway your back a little. >> jimmy: this doesn't feel like dancing. >> i'm going to get in there. >> jimmy: all right. >> it's a three-step. i'll stand next to you. >> jimmy: all right. >> so you're going to go one two three, one two three, one two three, one two three. just like that. let me see you. ♪ yeah. right. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: where does my hand go? >> my forefinger and my thumb are going to start talking to your lower back. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it is? >> i need your lower back to just pay attention, all right? >> jimmy: okay. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> where are you looking? where are you looking? >> jimmy: i don't know where i'm looking. [ cheers and applause ]
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>> stop for a second, stop the music. who are you looking at? >> jimmy: i -- i thought i was -- >> are you dancing with over there or are you dancing with me? >> jimmy: i'm dancing with you. i should be dancing with you, right? >> yes. >> jimmy: i'm sorry. >> it's not about this, it's about this. [ cheers and applause ] i want to feel like i'm the only person in the room. >> jimmy: should we clear everyone out? >> all the people are boring right now. the world melts away. >> jimmy: all right. >> it's just you and i. >> jimmy: okay, all right. i'm okay, i'm locked in. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> that's good. >> jimmy: am i good? [ cheers and applause ] thank you. i don't know what to say. ryan gosling, everybody. go see him in "lala land" friday, then everywhere christmas day. be right back with t.j. miller!
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪
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>> jimmy: hi there, we are back. you know our next guest
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from the tv show "silicon valley" and the movie "deadpool." he is a very funny man with a very funny new movie - "office christmas party." opens friday. please welcome t.j. miller! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome, welcome. >> oh, jimmy. i was just at the craziest party. >> jimmy: is that right? >> the old lamp shade on the head trick. >> jimmy: somewhere between a lamp shade, a ghost, and a klan member all at once. >> okay, i'm going to take it off. jimmy, i want to tell you -- >> jimmy: oh. >> i want to tell you, i came here to get serious. i wanted to congratulate you on your child. >> jimmy: thank you very much. [ cheers and applause ] .
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i want to give you, for the baby's first party, i'd like to gift him this. >> jimmy: oh, wow. well. we don't know -- >> the little man baby. >> jimmy: that is so very sweet to give us this thing our props department gave to you. >> no, i came with that. >> jimmy: did you really? >> i made this myself, it's not that hard. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: maybe we can post the plans on our website. >> yeah. well, you've kind of tainted it with the klan reference but thank you very much. [ laughter ] these are turbulent times. it's a great time to be promoting a comedy. >> jimmy: it is a great time. >> a holiday comedy. i find it easy to sell a comedy during the apocalypse. [ laughter ] especially kate mckinnon, jennifer aniston is going to be here tomorrow, very, very brilliant, the greatest cast. vanessa bayer, randall park, sam richardson, the list goes on and on. everybody really delivers. an hour and a half of a really
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funny movie. it's a laugh a minute. >> jimmy: it's a dirty movie. >> it's a little bit of a dirty minute. it's a laugh every minute and a half to two minutes. it's not a laugh a minute comedy because that's exhausting, we're all exhausted. we want to give you the time every minute and a half to two minutes. a laugh every minute and a half. >> jimmy: i believe it. you've got the great cast. also, "silicon valley" is such a great show. one of the best shows ever. [ cheers and applause ] you had an unbelievable year career-wise with "deadpool" and the hbo show, now this movie. what has been the most exciting thing to happen to you this year? >> being in a movie right now. right now more than ever we need to laugh. we're going to take the holidays off, december -- >> jimmy: you're saying this will do it? >> this movie. then i'm actually hosting the critics choice awards which is much better than the oscars. >> jimmy: is it? [ laughter ] is it better? >> it's more laid back. the golden globes trying to be the cool kid at the party but they're not that cool.
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the critics choice just get [ bleep ]. but have fun at the oscars. >> jimmy: yeah. >> you'll be under a magnifying glass bigger than all of hollywood put together. while i just get a bunch of puppets and act like a ding dong. i got to work with steven spielberg, you guys. >> jimmy: oh, wow. [ cheers and applause ] what did you work with him on? >> it was a -- mm, mm! oh, i love that. i love that water, i do. so we're doing this scene, spielberg, this dream come true. it's weird, i have a relationship with him, he put me in "carpoolers," a tv show i did that got canceled, a dreamworks show. i was on the way to audition for "she's out of my league." good hangover movie. and i was late an hour and a half, new to hollywood, i didn't have my i.d., they wouldn't let me into a.mblinn entertainment.
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guard wouldn't let me in. the gate opens. out drives this man. and i look. and i say, that's steven spielberg. and the guard's like, yeah, you're at dreamworks. [ laughter ] i couldn't help it but i waved, hi, steven spielberg! and he stopped the car. he backed up. and he said, hey, i know you. i said, hi, steven spielberg! i couldn't stop using both his names. i'm t.j. miller! he said, i know who you are, "callpoolers," you're really funny. what are you doing here? auditioning for "she's out of my league." he said, that's one of ours, tell them that's why you're late. i said, i was going to say that anyway. [ laughter ] he said a good sense of humor about it. after "she's out of my league" came out and people liked it, i started calling his office. every couple months. and i would just call and i'd say, you know, get me dreamworks. they'd put steven spielberg's assistant on the phone.
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and i would say, hey, it's t.j. miller, i can't talk right now, i know steven and i have been trading back and forth, he's busy, i'm busy, tell him i'll call him when i get a chance, thank you so much, good-bye. then i'd hang up. i did that every single month for like ten years. [ laughter ] that's real. i kept doing that. then all of a sudden, he calls upon me to be in "ready player one," his next film. ready player one! >> jimmy: wow. >> yeah, it's a great book. >> jimmy: did he actually call you? >> so here's what happened. after "office christmas party" was, you know -- i was going to star in that, then they also bought a film that i'm writing with my cousin miller davis "ex-criminals." they made that announcement and i had a free day. i was going to write. set up all my marijuana acu accoutremen accoutrements. >> jimmy: of course. >> i have a prescription for marijuana. it's medical. for anxiety. for my anxiety about getting arrested for marijuana. [ laughter ]
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so i laid out all my stuff. i was just about to start. and the phone rings. it's a 310 number. i don't usually pick up unknown numbers. for some reason i picked it up. "i have steven for you. i said, what? she said, this is alison in steven spielberg's office, i have speak of convenient for you. i was like, oh thank god. and she thought, oh, i guess he finally, thank god he's talking with him. but i was like, imaginefy h fff had phoned marijuana. then been on the phone with steven spielberg. steven, how are you doing? steven, i did say it right, steven? oh no. i get on the phone, i talk with him for 17:38. [ laughter ] i thought i was really, really funny. yeah put steven on. then when he got on the phone i would have gone, steven, i'm super busy right now, i can't talk, i'll call you back. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: t.j. miller,
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everybody, "office christmas party" opens in theaters friday. and we'll return - with music from pentatonix. [ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is brought to you by the dick's sporting goods foundation. go to to help save youth sports. smartphones? o m g ten years later, nothing's really changed. it's time to snap out of it. hello moto. snap on a jbl speaker. put a 70" screen on a wall. get a 10x optical zoom. get excited world. hello moto. moto is here. the new moto z with motomods. save up to $400 when you trade in your old phone and switch to verizon.
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♪ here's your cue. go go go! [ bark ] cut! cut, cut, cut, cut... good job everybody, but i feel like we're missing something... something special. what about a star? [ door knocking ] somebody looking for a star? [ laughs ] [ gasps ] dude! this was just sitting out front! ♪ hi. hey. where's erin? uh, with my sister. but she hates kids... ok, once more. lexus rcs in? ultra white. with? premium package. santa claus!
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the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series brought to you by the dick's sporting goods foundation. go to to help save youth sports. >> jimmy: the album is called "a pentatonix christmas." here with the song "god rest ye merry gentlemen," pentatonix! ♪ ♪ god rest ye merry gentlemen let nothing you dismay remember christ our savior ♪ ♪ was born on christmas day to save us all from satan's pow'r when we were gone astray ♪ ♪ oh tidings of comfort and joy comfort and joy oh tidings of comfort and joy ♪
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♪ ♪ god rest ye merry gentlemen let nothing you dismay remember christ our savior ♪ ♪ was born on christmas day to save us all from satan's pow'r when we were gone astray ♪ ♪ oh tidings of comfort and joy comfort and joy oh tidings of comfort and joy ♪ ♪ ♪ in bethlehem in israel this blessed babe was born and laid within a manger upon this blessed morn ♪ ♪ the which his mother mary did nothing take in scorn o tidings of comfort and joy comfort and joy ♪ ♪ o tidings of comfort and joy ♪ ♪ ♪ let nothing you affright this day is born a saviour of a pure virgin bright to free all those who ♪ ♪ trust in him from satan's
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pow'r and might o tidings of comfort and joy comfort and joy ♪ ♪ o tidings of comfort and joy ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ god rest ye merry gentlemen let nothing you dismay ♪ ♪ remember christ our savior was born on christmas day to save us all from satan's pow'r when we were ♪ ♪ gone astray oh tidings of comfort and joy comfort and joy oh tidings of comfort and joy ♪ ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] lift up your head and keep moving or let the paranoia haunt you? everybody lack confidence, everybody lack confidence i keep my fee-fi-fo-fum i keep my heart undone the strong in me, i still smile.
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come join us this season,orld at the all new festival of holidays event... ...including the new world of color season of light show... now at the disneyland resort. >> jimmy: there are so many people to thank. i'd like to thank ryan gosling, t.j. miller.
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apogies to matt damon, we ran out of time. "nightline" is next. thank you for watching, good night, everybody! this is "nightline." >> tonight, confronting hate. >> hail trump! hail our people sclach. >> richard spencer, the man who coined the term "alt-right" -- >> white people are ruling right now. >> emboldened by the election results, spreading his racially extreme world view. >> donald trump slingshoted our movement into fame. >> we travel to texas a&m. where his words inciting massive protests. are you trying to normalize racism? >> yes. i'm trying to normalize racism, as you call it, absolutely. plus a bronx tale. we take you to opening night of


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