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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  March 14, 2017 11:35pm-12:38am PDT

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that's >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- dax shepard. from "the mick", sofia black-d'elia. and chef thomas keller. and now, without further ado, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome. hi, everyone. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks for coming. we're happy to have you. it's very kind, thank you. everybody's happy because, you know, it's freezing all over the country except it was 86 degrees here in l.a. today. [ cheers and applause ]
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i won't say it's the reason people hate us but it's one of the reasons everyone hates us. i hope those of you at home are warm, maybe even cuddly, i would like that for you. it is very cold on the east coast thanks to storm stella. thousands of flights are canceled, there are blizzard warnings, school closings, mittens are being pinned to jackets, juice is turning into popsicles on its own, it's crazy. make no mistake, you turn on the weather channel, try to find out what's going on, you see the meteorologists giving advice, telling you to be careful, make no mistake, those people are not on your side. those people are rooting against us and for the weather, they're rooting for the snow. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] there's a lot of snow on the ground. this is where it goes. in new york, even the bbc has a weather reporter on stand. keep a special eye on the buy in the background here for tonight's snowstorm edition of "behind the news." >> new york city has had about 1,500 plows out all day on a
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continuous cycle cleaning the roadways. and officials are warning people that if there's no reason to go out, to stay indoors. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: jolly, happy soul. it's funny but if you get hit by a bus at that moment? it's even funnier, i guess. this is a house in upstate new york. by the way that's exactly what the inside of the freezer in my garage look is like. look at this everything is frozen. what do you do if that's your house? i don't know, you have to move until easter, right? just because your house is frozen solid or you're cooped up with the kids doesn't mean you can't have fun in weather like this. one of our infamous youtube challenges, this is where i challenge you to do something and you do it, it's very simple. we're done this a nooft in the past. for father's day last year i asked people to play catch with
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their dads using something other than a ball. that went well. >> dad, do you want to play catch? >> [ bleep ]. [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: the year before that we had kids feed their dad breakfast in the shower. >> happy father's day! >> aagh! >> jimmy kimmel, jimmy kimmel made me do it! >> jimmy: i didn't make him do anything, he did it on his own. this was one of my favorite challenges. this one is self-explanatory. >> hey, jimmy kimmel, this is me spraying my dad with a hose. >> [ bleep ]! [ bleep ]! [ bleep ]! >> jimmy: you get the idea. [ cheers and applause ] you understand that's the sort of thing we're looking for. tonight i would like to invite
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you to participate in our next video montage, a winter storm youtube challenge. go outside, get a ball of soft, fresh, beautiful snow, don't pack it into an ice ball, don't kill your family or dent their heads. just get a nice snowball, bring to it the bedroom, and throw it on a loved one while he or she sleeps. record and it post it to youtube with this title. hey jimmy kimmel i served a snowball in bed. use that title so we can find it and look for a message from us. hey jimmy kimmel i served a snowball in bed. we'll watch all of them, good luck. i'm counting on you to do the wrong thing, okay? [ cheers and applause ] i don't know how many of you are here on spring break right now? [ cheers and applause ] college students are out of down for spring break. this is the time of year students take a well-deserved break from partying and drinking at school to partying and drink on a beach or perhaps another
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town. over the next few weeks more than 50,000 future careers will be ruined by photos posted on facebook of spring break. if you are away on spring break, have fun, do whatever you need to do, don't forget congress is about to take away your health care, so if you're going to do something dumb, do it now while it's still covered, okay if the ncaa basketball tournament is kind of under way. tonight what they call the first four, playing games for the teams that have absolutely no chance of winning anything, there's a waste of time. after tomorrow 64 teams will compete. the next few weeks they'll be whittled down until only two teams remain. then those two teams will get married by chris harrison? is that how it works? i don't know, it's been a long -- anyway, over the next couple of weeks every office in america turns into a low-stake kaz seen know. some people submit multiple brackets. i don't want to say this to people who did that here at our
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job. people who submit multiple brackets at work are the same monsters who tear a muffin apart with their hands and put the other halfback on the tray. they do -- every year they do studies about all the money companies lose because their employees are watching the basketball tournament instead of working. that may have been true in 1995 but if your employees are wasting time watching basketball, they'd be wasting time on instagram and facebook, that's just how it is. wasting time is our full-time job now, okay? we have an office pool here. we have a big staff. and it can get confusing. we had some controversy with our super bowl squares this year. so to make sure we got this one right, we actually hired an accounting firm to keep track of all the brackets this the year. oh, hey, how you doing? what is your name? >> i'm doug from waterhouse price coopers coopers. >> jimmy: wait, you guys are the accountants that did the oscars? >> no, that was price waterhouse coopers. we changed our name. >> jimmy: you changed your name. but you're the same company?
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>> well, let's just say we got everything under control now. >> jimmy: i don't know about this. >> so what we got here is all the names of your potential winners of your office pool thingy. all marked individually in envelopes. >> jimmy: yeah, i don't -- >> i need to rehearse. >> jimmy: yeah, i don't think we really -- >> please, jimmy, we need this. >> jimmy: okay, all right, fine. what do you want me to do? >> announce the name of the winner, please. >> jimmy: okay. i'll need the envelope, then. >> all right. >> jimmy: okay, the winner of our march madness office pool is -- "moonlight." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: are you sure this is -- did "moonlight" enter our office pool? >> oh, god. >> jimmy: do we have a staffer named moonlight? >> god, they're going to kill me. >> jimmy: oh, no. >> jimmy, they're going to kill you. >> jimmy: they're thought going to kill you. it's just a sketch. >> guillermo, can you get me out of the country? >> guillermo: sorry, you're on your own. >> jimmy: you're in this country, you won't get back in.
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>> doug's on his own! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: here's a new fashion item for those of you who are parents. but also in club wear. it took many years to figure out. the folks at top shop found a way to make mom jeans even more embarrassing. clear knee mom jeans. you can see what they've done is added a clear plastic patch to the jeans to create windows for your knees. this is a real thing. you can buy these at nordstrom for $95. i feel like nordstrom did this just to drive ivanka trump nuts. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: show those again. perfect for when you want to throw on a pair of jeans but also want a rectangular sunburn on your knees. this is the sort of idea that would get you laughed off of "shark tank," right? i don't know if you heard, radio shack filed for bankruptcy last
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week. who's been in a radio shack this month? okay, that's why. [ laughter ] this is the second time they filed chapter 11 in the past few years. i don't understand this at all. how could they go -- what did they do with all the money i spent on aaa batteries nine years ago? even the name radio shack is outdated. i mean, it's not so different from going to a store called the fax machine hut. [ laughter ] [ applause ] radio shack isn't ready to pull that universal ac adapter out of the wall just yet. first they tried teaming with sprint to open cobranded outlets. now they're bringing in other partners too. >> the shack is back. and even better than ever. now we're partnering with dunkin' donuts and petco and subway and walgreens, also hardware, pizza hut, papa john's, bed bath and beyond, and victoria's selection. for the best selection of coaxial cables, mufflers, cheeds balls, vicodin, hammers, flip-flops, sexy lingerie and
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tires. radio shack. please come in here. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: is everyone adjusting to daylight saving time okay? last night i went home, the sun was shining are it was weird. i did have an extra hour to harvest my crops, which was nice. i actually spent the extra hour resetting all the clocks in my house and the car. charging -- this clock thing is something almost no one is good at. so as a public service, my cousin mickey who is not the most tech-savvy person in the world volunteered to show us how to do it. before you see this, i want you to know this is not scripted, mickey was given no instruction in advance. yes, to answer your question before you yask, yes, she reall is like this. >> hi, i'm mickey and i'm going to show you how to change your clocks on your microwave. here you go. okay. there's a lot of stuff going on here. so we have to kind of
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concentrate. start with something that says time. and then you -- you start the time. i think the time is about 1:30. [ microwave running ] wait, no. okay. all right. power. time. 1:30. add clock start. [ microwave running ] all right. this doesn't say 1:30 so let's try it again. 2:30. time. enter.
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>> yeah, you did it. >> oh, yeah! how did i do it, what the hell? [ applause ] >> jimmy: sometimes it's better to just wait until november. hey, we have a great show tonight. chef thomas keller is here. from "the mix," sofia black d'elia is here. be right back with dax shepard so stick around! alright, how's this for a tv show. sous chef. lawyer by day, prep-cook by night. also, his name is sous. no. sloppy joseph. a middle-aged man who's trying to get his life together, but he can't - he's to sloppy. huhhh - no! here you go. i got this. i get cash back so it's like everything's on sale. with the blue cash everyday card from american express you get cash back on purchases with no annual fee. everything's on sale! a home shopping show takes place on a sailboat. that's the one! banana boat dessert on me. look at you being all lactose tolerant. it's more than cash back. it's backed by the service and security of american express.
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♪ ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: hi there, welcome back. tonight, from "the mick" which is a television show on fox, sofia black d'elia is here.
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he is one of the all-time greats thomas keller is here to make a carrot. he's going to show us how to prepare a carrot. not just any carrot, a gold medal-winning carrot. tomorrow night, who will be here tomorrow night? tomorrow night, matthew perry will be here, michael pena will join us, and music from paul shaffer with jenny lewis and shaggy. and then thursday, tim allen, dj khaled, and music from the mighty mighty bosstones, led by our announcer, dicky barrett. [ cheers and applause ] the mighty mighty bosstones have a new song called eed "what th world needs now is love." and if we don't get it, dicky will hit you over the head with a beer bottle. our first guest is a man who is also a writer, producer, director and star of an intentionally funny new movie based on an unintentionally funny tv show. "chips," it opens in theaters march 24s. please welcome dax shepard! pip ♪ ♪
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>> jimmy: wu, look at you. >> i was thinking the same thing. watching your monologue. i'm when always blown away with how much better-looking you keep getting. >> well, thank you. look at you, you're dressed up, you're a director now, you're a movie star. >> that's what i'm trying to exude is director. >> you're exuding it, you got some of it on me. >> good, good. >> jimmy: i'm very proud of you. when we met you didn't have a whole lot going on, am i correct? >> no, no, i don't think i had furniture in my house. you're the type of guy who's so generous and i have gone to your house a few times. you're like, hey, i can come over to your house. i'm like, there's nowhere to sit but love to have you come by. >> jimmy: we laid on the formica. >> we played scrabble, you don't need a bunch of furniture. >> jimmy: wooden tiles and a floor. you've been working on this a long time. >> probably 2 1/2 years. >> jimmy: what a thing to be able to first of all write the movie as its own thing. then to say, i want to direct this movie, i'm going to star in this movie, i'm going to produce
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this movie, and it turned out great. >> thank you. >> jimmy: it's a big-budget take on a television show we love. >> we love, we hate, we love. >> jimmy: i don't know if we hate it. >> no. >> jimmy: my memory of "chips" is cleto, our band leader, would stay at my house, i was living in arizona, he'd stay out late and he'd get high. [ laughter ] then i would find him fully clothed, passed out with "chips" blaring on the tv. >> can you play that song still? >> jimmy: it wasn't even a lick. >> he wasn't a fan as much. >> jimmy: was this a show that you loved? >> what i loved is all those shows where a vehicle was the star. >> jimmy: yeah. >> like, you know, "dukes of hazard," "starsky and hutch," "fall guy." >> jimmy: "a-team" was like that. >> the van was popular as barakus. this show was moilks. and i was 2. that was exciting for me.
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i was in detroit which was gray and crappie. this was california and sunshine and all that. i was writing another screenplay and making a poncherello joke and i couldn't spell it. this picture popped up on google of john and ponch but they looked cool and tough, which i hadn't seen them look in a while. and i was like, wow, there's a bad boys version of this movie to be made, a cool lethal weapon. >> jimmy: based solely on that photograph? >> based solely on that photograph, it's a powerful image. >> jimmy: i bet, it really is. >> it is. i don't know how i got them to let me do it but then they let me do it. i'm basically writing on pena's coattails, michael pena. >> jimmy: he's a funny guy. not just in the movie. he seems to be a funny character on his own. >> yes, he is. >> jimmy: he'll be here tomorrow. >> yes, he's very interesting. yeah, you dig a little deep, things start coming out, you know. it's really great. >> jimmy: what things came out when you dug into him? anything you can share with us? >> yeah, sure.
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he was -- apparently he got like sick in the state in some running competition in illinois. he's a shorter latino gentleman. >> jimmy: wow, really? >> there's a lot of athletic dudes in illinois if you catch my drift. chicago. >> jimmy: yeah. >> chicago. >> jimmy: it's a big state. >> he got sick somehow in the state. >> jimmy: so don't race him. >> he was a wrestler and a boxer. >> jimmy: really? >> yes, he's all these amazing things. >> jimmy: are you sure he did all those things? >> and hei was dyslexic and i graduated, those myrrh accomplishments. >> jimmy: maybe he's a good liar. >> he very well may be a great liar, he's a great actor. >> jimmy: you love motorcycles, you love vehicles of all time. >> as you know. >> jimmy: you decided, something i am against in general, to do your own stunts. >> that's right. >> jimmy: it looks great. it's thought one of those weird things where it's suddenly like some other guy on the deal. but it's dangerous and it seems like -- i don't know, it seems like if i was running the movie
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i wouldn't want my star doing the things that you did. >> a director would normally not want his star to do that, but i was the director too. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i would go have a conversation with myself. you think you got this? yeah, i believe you can do it, let's do do this! you know, a lot of people will say, oh this movie was a dream. right? like, it was always my dream to play a guy with aids or whatever. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's your dream too? >> no, no. i assume tom hanks was telling people that when he did "philadelphia." this is what you do. this was a literal dream. i would ride by the cops we had closing down the traffic for us and i would right by a cop and the cop would be like -- [ laughter ] and i'd circle back around, they'd be high-fiving. as a 12-year-old, your total dream is that the cops will salute you for driving like an idiot. >> jimmy: oh, yes. you will never get a ticket in this city again. >> no -- well -- i don't know. either way. like a chp could pull me over and be like, cute movie, real
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cute. you don't like the uniforms? you made fun of the uniforms? you think we look like u.p.s.? >> jimmy: i feel like when ponch and john came on the scene it made being a california highway patrol officer -- >> for sure. >> jimmy: -- very cool. i would imagine these guys got a lot of action out of fit you know what i'm saying. >> particularly poncherello, estrada. that guy was living the good life is my understanding. >> jimmy: do you know that for a fact? >> yeah, i certainly met a ton of people during the movie that knew erika in his prime -- i called him erika. erik estrada. >> jimmy: did something happen we don't know about? [ laughter ] >> erika and i got -- that's what i call him, we got so close. yeah, i think he was at studio 54 every weekend and stuff. >> jimmy: yeah, i feel like he would have been anyway. women would have been crawling all over him. >> he was gorgeous. what people forget because we're
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super old, he was 25. to us he looked older. he was a 25-year-old kid. he had the greatest buns in the business. he drove women crazy with those cupcakes. >> did he really? >> yeah, then he'd run into studio 54. pop those things around. [ laughter ] then he had three, four gals back in whatever was the popular hotel. >> jimmy: speaking of buns, when we come back we'll get a chance to see something we've not seen on this program before, dax naked when we return. dax shepard is here! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by guinness. visit "airbnb.com/guinness" this week for a chance to stay overnight at the guinness storehouse in dublin.
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>> no, no, there was no contact. >> are you sure? because i could have swore i felt either your nose or your lips. >> nothing touched, bro, nothing touched. might have been like -- like a little bit of contact. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: michael pena and dax shepard in "chips." you were obviously completely naked in that scene. >> i was. well, i had a satiny bag over my penis. >> jimmy: who provides that bag? amazon? >> crown royal. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> no, i don't know. it looked like a flesh-colored crown royal bag. like if you bought the really expensive crown royal. human skin, yeah. >> jimmy: you're naked. but a lot of actors are naked, we see it all the time. but you're also directing the movie while you're naked. >> it's a potential issue with hr. [ laughter ] sexual harassment suits. because i'm the boss. and i'm telling pena, no, slam your face in there!
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you've got to really slam it! sell it! and when we -- that was day two of filming. so pena and i did not really know each other. nor did i know most of the crew that was shooting the movie. so the first couple of scenes i would have a robe i'd put on in between to be respectful. then i kind of lost track of that robe. like a good six hours went by and i was just bare naked. and that was that. but i did as a courtesy, the one nice thing i did is i wore a merkin. you know what a merkin -- it's a pubic wig they had in brothel in the old west. >> jimmy: why did you have that? >> because i collect brothel items from the old west. [ laughter ] no, because i wanted there to be some barrier between his face and my shaft. [ laughter ] the base of my -- >> jimmy: that's very considerate. i think actors talk to other actors and they're going to want to work with you as a director after hearing that. >> yeah, absolutely, absolutely. i started with the boundaries conversation. >> jimmy: spielberg does that, i think, actually.
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>> yes, he does. >> jimmy: that beard is a glue-on. >> he just pulls it off and puts it right there. they talk about the scene in his trailer and then "schindler's list." it's a recipe for an academy award. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i didn't know that. on the dvd extras i guess. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: congratulations on the movie. go see it, "chips" opens march 24th. docks sh dax shepard, everybody! we'll be right back. n now. i don't want to pry... dad. but have you made a decision? i'm going with the $1000 in cash back. my son... ...a cash man. dad, are you crying? nah, just something in my eye. the volkswagen 3 and easy event... ...where you can choose one of three easy ways to get a $1000 offer. hurry in to your volkswagen dealer now and you can get $1000 as an apr bonus, a lease bonus, or cash back.
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>> jimmy: we are back. this is my cousin sal. this is my real cousin sal. i've known him since he was born. sal is -- what's the word i'm looking for? >> genius? >> jimmy: no, crazy. sal came to me with an idea, a terrible but bold idea that is now being enabled by doritos. this is the idea. a check for $25,000 will go to whoever fills out the winningest basketball bracket tournament. sal is throwing in an extra prize if you fill out a perfect bracket, if every pick is correct, they will get what, cousin sal? >> they will get my house. >> jimmy: this is not a joke. this is not a thing where we make it seem like it's his house. this is sal's house. where his wife and his three sons live. >> for now.
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>> jimmy: how did your wife react? >> she cried. she cried. >> jimmy: unfortunately we did not get those tears on video. but we did get our aunt chippy's thoughts on tape. how did that go? >> she's always so supportive, you'll see. >> what's the matter with you? are you [ bleep ] crazy? >> why, what's wrong? >> what's the matter with you? >> nothing -- >> how do you damn bet your house? you want to be a main yak, you be a maniac on yourself. is it paid off? >> it's not paid off. >> okay, then it's not yours, it's the bank's. >> i'd have to pay it off if someone else wins. have a chip, chip. this is a bold move, you have to admit, it's a bold move. >> what do you want from me? >> i wanted your blessing but it's hard to come by. >> god bless you. god bless you 100,000 times that nobody should win. >> thank you, aunt chippy. i knew you'd understand. >> i love you. son of a bitch. >> one more chip. >> you know, i swear to god they're going to put you in a
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nuthouse. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you'll end up living in my basement. this is cousin sal's worst idea ever. and here's how you can be a part of it. >> dicky: make your bold choice now and fill out a bracket at cousin sal bets the house.com. doritos. for the bold. >> be right back with sofia black d'elia! get out of here. ♪ [crunch] ♪ yeah! [laughter] ♪ [crunch] pay stubs and bank statements to refinance your home. w2s, or you could push that button. [dong] [rocket launching] skip the bank, skip the paperwork, and go completely online. securely share your financial info and confidently
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>> jimmy: hi, there, welcome back to the show. still to come, chef thomas keller. our next guest split her senior year between high school and playing an unwed mother on "all my children." she plays a spoiled rich kid named sabrina in "the mick." watch it tuesdays on fox. please welcome sofia black-d'elia. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: how are you? >> i'm great, how are you?
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>> jimmy: i was told you're very nervous. >> i'm so nervous. >> jimmy: there's no reason for nervous. >> oh my gosh. >> jimmy: look at this way, it's a couple of chairs and a piece of wood. then these people. >> a lot of people. >> jimmy: and millions of other people. [ cheers and applause ] >> that's all it is. >> jimmy: you don't seem nervous at all. >> i don't? >> jimmy: i want to mention your name. your last name, bralack-d'elia, is -- >> weird. >> jimmy: similar to the black dahlia, a famous unsolved murder case in the '40s. >> people remind me of that often. >> jimmy: i imagine you hear that. >> pretty much every day. at the airport. that's the black dahlia. >> jimmy: have you been hyphenated for your whole life? >> for my whole life, yeah. >> jimmy: it's always been that way? >> my mom's last name is black, my dad's last name is d'elia, my mom is like, i want ownership of you too. >> jimmy: your dad is an attorney. >> he's a judge now. >> jimmy: a judge, that's right. you took a picture of your dad. >> there it is. >> jimmy: i assume this is from a magazine or something?
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or an '80s tv show or something. >> that's his audition for "the sopranos." >> jimmy: that is a great photograph just to start with. i will say i would never want to go in front of this guy in court. >> he's scary, right? imagine him being your dad. [ laughter ] it's worse. >> jimmy: is he a scary dad in general? >> he's -- kind of a scary person to everyone. my friends call him uncle tone. he's like sicilian jersey. >> jimmy: i gotcha. how long has he been a judge? >> just under a year. >> jimmy: do you ever go and see him rule? i have, yeah. but he embarrassed me badly last time so i don't want to go back. >> jimmy: what did he do to you? >> he's in family court, serious sad stuff. i was sitting this the front of the court and he was like, really quick before we move on i just want everybody to know it's court mandated, tuesdays 8:30, you watch "the mick" on fox, there's my daughter sofia. and everybody was like, are you kidding me right now? like i'm here to get child support and you're telling me i
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have to watch a family comedy? >> jimmy: he's supporting his child too. >> that's right. >> jimmy: child support of a different kind. >> exactly. >> jimmy: yeah, wow. he seems like a character, your dad. >> he is the ultimate character. >> jimmy: he is, really. give us one good, one story you tell about your dad that encapsulates him. >> my dad's a big prankster. >> jimmy: okay, great quality in a judge. [ laughter ] >> great quality in a judge and a dad. he used to do this thing with my mom when i first started driving, he would leave my car like five blocks away, then tell me to stay at a friend's house a few hours too late and be like, i don't know, i think we shouldn't have gotten her that license. as if i died in a car accident. mom is like, that's too far. >> jimmy: i see why your mother wanted ownership, yes. [ laughter ] >> that's right. she was like, i don't want people to think that you're only his kid, he's kind of a nightmare. >> jimmy: can you get away with anything when you have a trial lawyer as your dad growing up? >> yeah. yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: because you have his
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genes, of course. >> that's right. >> jimmy: you're going to outwit him in some way. >> i look at everything as, can i get away with all of this? then i think about him telling me the legality of things. >> jimmy: i would imagine -- explain to your dad, a dark sense of humor that they appreciate your television show. because it's kind of a raunchy show, for lack of a better term. >> they love it. this is the first thing i've done that i think never my family actually really likes. >> did they tell you when they don't like stuff? >> yeah. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> they do now. my cousin tanky. >> jimmy: what? >> i don't know what his real name isry i call him tanky. hey, cuz, it's tank. i want to say, thanks for being on a show i can finally watch. >> jimmy: tanky is very critical? for a man named tanky. >> that's right, that's right. yeah, he's like, they all find this really funny, it's their sense of humor, i think they're happy i'm on something they don't have to begrudging my watch. >> jimmy: "all my children"?
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>> tanky was not into "all my children," no. >> jimmy: how old were you when you were doing "all my children"? >> i was a senior in high school. i was working at tcby at the time so i got to quit. >> jimmy: about you do in it dramatic fashion? >> definitely, threw ice cream everywhere and just left. i was like, i'm making a lot of money now, bye! it was great. >> reporter:. >> jimmy: right, why. that's yogurt, tcby? >> the country's best yogurt. >> jimmy: is that what it stands for? wow. >> i'm so happy i came, jimmy. >> jimmy: i learned something. [ cheers and applause ] did you know that arby's is rb for roast beef? >> yeah. no, i had no idea. >> jimmy: we're learning from each other. congratulations on the show. >> thank you. >> jimmy: and not having to work at the yogurt shop anymore. >> it feels really good. i'm in the upper echelon now. >> jimmy: do you have anything
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you want to plug for your father? since he is plugging you at work it seems like -- >> if you have issues with getting your child support and you are in the jersey city vicinity, go to the -- judge d'elia. >> jimmy: don't take matters into your own hands, take them to court. "the mick" airs tuesday nights at 8:30 on fox. sofia black-d'elia, everybody! be right back with chef thomas keller.
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>> jimmy: hi, there. welcome back. our next guest is a multiple-james beard award winner and the only american chef to have simultaneous three-star michelin ratings for two different restaurants. it's a big deal, i'll have him explain it. fresh from his win at the culinary olympics, please welcome chef thomas keller. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome, welcome, come on up. this is the guy i was just talking about. michelin star thing i think is confusing for most people because we know michelin as a tire company, the michelin man. >> michelin started their guide in 1900.
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>> jimmy: guide to the rounds. >> the purpose was to get people to travel. to great restaurants and great hotels. >> jimmy: then they give out stars or a half a star or some certain amount of stars -- >> they only give outside full stars. one, two or three, three being the highest. to give you perspective, there are six three-star restaurants in new york. i think there are five now in california. >> jimmy: and you -- >> two in chicago. >> jimmy: you have two two-star restaurants? >> yeah. jimmy, i'm blessed. [ cheers and applause ] i have one in new york. and of course here in napa valley. >> jimmy: then you represented the united states. what's the name of the competition? >> the competition is bocuse d' or. 20 countries compete around the world every year in lyon, france. >> jimmy: united states had never won before? >> we won silver in 2015, never placed at the top of the voting, which is gold. >> jimmy: congratulations. >> thank you. it was a very proud moment not
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just for the team but i think for the united states. >> jimmy: donald trump said we were going to start winning and winning and winning and it turned out he's right. [ cheers and applause ] he's started with this. >> there you go. >> jimmy: okay, so you made this big, beautiful platter as part of this competition. and you've recreated that here for us. >> we have. you'll get to see it a little later. so this, what we're going to try to do is do one of the garnishes. there's a total of four garnishes on this platter. >> jimmy: who decided that a carrot would be the thing that you would make? >> we look the at our garden across the street. we grow a lot of great carrots. we wanted to bring something from napa valley to lyon, france. we thought the carrot would be something that was beautiful. >> jimmy: do you check the carrots or carry those on? [ laughter ] >> we have to smuggle them in. >> jimmy: my goodness. >> we don't want to get caught. >> jimmy: i don't want to ask where you smuggled them. [ laughter ] >> we don't have much time, i want to get you to work. so we're going to actually turn the carrot. we're going to sharpen it.
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so this is much like a pencil sharpener. you've used a pencil sharpener? >> jimmy: i have, yes. >> follow me, go ahead. push the carrot in. >> jimmy: big end? >> right. put it back in the machine. turn it on. take your pencil sharpener, or your carrot sharpener. right there, okay. >> jimmy: look at that, that's beautiful just so start with. you made this thing? >> push it, push it. that it? turn it off. take the carrot out. >> jimmy: look how pointy. >> pretty good. okay, all right. take that out. we don't have much time. >> jimmy: okay. >> the clock. >> jimmy: i can't get it out. >> that's it. okay. so now put it on your board. >> jimmy: got it. >> put it straight across. take our knife. we're cutting it to create a channel that we're going to remove and then we're going to fill it with a sauce. okay? >> jimmy: okay. >> that sauce is called a sauce with sweet onions. we'll fill that with that
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cavity. >> jimmy: there should be a tool for this, like melon baller. some kind of carrot channeler. >> you've got your carrot channeled out. >> jimmy: that would be a good sh show, "the carrot channeler." >> that's good. we channel our carrot, then cook them with some of the carrot liquids to give it some more flavor. we compress it in a bag. cook that. they're all cooked. >> okay, all right. we skipped the cooking part, all right. >> we don't have -- we don't have the time. >> jimmy: this is available for eating? >> this is available for eating. >> jimmy: okay, all right. >> we filled it as you can see, done that very cleverly. we're going to trim it off. right along there. okay? >> jimmy: got it. what is this? this is the sauce? >> that is the onion sauce. you can eat that as well. it's all edible. we glaze it. take our carrot on our fork, put in our glazing liquid. you've got a beautiful, shiny glaze on top of it. >> jimmy: where do you get glazing liquid?
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>> we make it. >> jimmy: oh. >> we make it. >> jimmy: look how much better i was doing that. [ laughter ] >> really good. so then we have our carrot. we'll pull out our third carrot from underneath. >> jimmy: maybe i'll get a trophy. >> now we're going to make -- this may be the hardest part of the whole segment. >> jimmy: okay, all right. >> or the hardest part of your entire life. >> jimmy: possibly, yeah. >> you've got your tool, you've got your carrot on top of, that's okay. we're going to take our -- this is pretzel. this is pretzel dough. we're going to begin our coronet. take our coronet, got a flat part on it. >> jimmy: yes. >> try not to pick up the whole tray. just one. >> jimmy: i go 110%. >> just one, just one. find that little seam. take this. >> jimmy: this is pretzel dough, huh? >> feel that seam on there? >> jimmy: i feel it. >> take it, indent on it that. just start wrapping it around.
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>> jimmy: no one's ever going to do this, right? at the end of it, all you have is the little carrot. >> all you have is a carrot that's wrapped in a pretzel that's worth gold. >> jimmy: i can't do it. >> yes, you can. we take that. put that in the oven. did you get it ready? >> jimmy: i moistened it a little bit. >> it goes in the oven. >> jimmy: what? all right, yeah. >> i got one. >> jimmy: wow, look what i did, everybody! look how perfect mine is! [ cheers and applause ] >> okay, you got that. take our tool off. there's a flat spot on it. that flat spot has to go on the bottom of the carrot so that it can still maintain -- >> jimmy: oh, thread it in. >> right there you go. thread that right in there. >> jimmy: okay. >> we got our coil wrapped around the carrot. >> jimmy: look how adorable that is. >> isn't that perfect?
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i brought you some nourishment. >> jimmy: oh look, team usa. >> take our carrot rounds which come from our garden. start to garnish that. slightly on there, on there. one there maybe. >> jimmy: the show ended like four minutes ago. >> i'm sorry. [ laughter ] then water increase. >> jimmy: "nightline" is on right now. [ laughter ] >> i'm just trying to keep it moving along here so we can get this done. >> jimmy: this looks filling too, you know? laugh laugh. >> you can't eat too many of this. >> jimmy: oh, honey, what did you make for dinner tonight? >> we have our carrot. >> jimmy: i spent four hours on this carrot. [ laughter ] >> beautiful. >> jimmy: wow. and look at how beautiful mine turned out too. [ cheers and applause ] we've got to see the platter. bring out the platter. team usa! the champions! wow. [ cheers and applause ]
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gentlemen, you've represented our nation well. you've conquered all these other stupid nations. finally we beat them thanks to you. that is something beautiful. what is this up here? >> it's the chicken. >> that's chicken? >> braised in veal sauce. >> this is our coach. >> jimmy: nice job, coach. >> who won silver. >> jimmy: you won the silver? >> our candidate matthew peters. >> jimmy: matthew, congratulations to you. congratulations to you. oh, what is this? >> this is our team scarf. >> jimmy: the team scarf, oh, thank you, wow. [ cheers and applause ] chef thomas keller! you can experience his cuisine in your own mouth at the bocuse d' or. thank you, chef. thank you, teammates. apologies to matt damon, we did run out of time for him. "nightline" is next, thanks for watching, good night!
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this is "nightline." >> tonight, the new underground railroad. immigrants fleeing the united states for canada. risking it all. >> some people have lost their fingers and limbs to frostbite. >> seeking compassion and asylum from our northern neighbors. could they be wearing out their welcome? >> they're getting more than i do as a canadian who's contributed to this country for 40 years. plus, in the florida swamp lands, two men on an elusive mission. >> hey, are you hearing something this way? >> to track down the legendary skunk ape. we're on the hunt in some unforgiving terrain. >> we go out in the green swamp and we put our lives on the line. >> dodging deadly predators along the way. and feud. the hit series re-enacting t

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