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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  October 30, 2019 11:35pm-12:37am PDT

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>> from all of us, thanks for joining >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live." tonight -- rob lowe. from "terminator: dark fate", mackenzie davis. and comedian chris porter. and now, more than anything, jimmy kimmel. [cheers and applause] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you. thanks to each and every one of you. hi, everyone, thanks for watching. thank you for coming. all the way to hollywood. it's very nice. that's very kind, and appreciate it. and today was, we had another day of testimony and turmoil in washington, d.c., with more witnesses on the way. it's ukraining men, and it is amazing. it this afternoon we learned
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that former national security adviser john bolton has been invited to congress. he was fired last month by trump, so that will be a fun one. today they heard from the deputy secretary of state who fingered rudy giuliani in a smear chain. i didn't mean that literal laly but who knows with these people. you know how trump claims they released an exact transcript of his phone call? not exactly exact according to lieutenant colonel alexander vindman. he said the transcript we saw left out keywords and phrases. he said the transcript the white house released was missing crucial details like trump asking about recordings of joe biden, president zelinsky mentioning the company hunter biden worked for, and all the times the president burned into
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his mcflurry. he also told congress he believed there was a quid pro quo and the president was personally blocking military aid to ukraine to force them to investigate the bidens, his opponent. and as if that wasn't enough, the ukrainians sent a delegation to the white house in july. they were going through talking points about finding corruption, when trump's guy, sondland, brought up these investigations trump was asking for, and at that point, john bolton was so upset, he stopped the meeting, kicked everyone out of his office, at which point sondland took them down to the basement, which wasn't suspicious at all. and guess what they were talking about? quid pro quo. the three horsemen of extortion. and the president still blaming everyone for everything. he wrote, the republicans are very unified and energized on our fight in the impeachment
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hoax with the do-nothing democrats. tote any infair, almost inamerican, you might say. and, the president is probably pooping his inderpants right now, too. he said this impeachment nonsense is a continuation of the witch hunt hoax which was going on before i got inaugurated. rupublicans. do you know how hard it is to tweet rupublicans. it's like if your barber, if you asked him for a bowl cut, he'd be like, are you sure? go ahead, try to text one rupublican. it's almost impossible to do.
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if you miss spell a word and press the space bar, it corrects it. which means donald trump is so obstinate wrong to his phone. we have new details about what went down in the raid on the the weekend. mick mulvaney was left in the dark. this is kind of a big thing. according to white house insiders, the only thing he knows in advance is when warby parker is having a sale on glasses. trump is mad, at of all people, me. the trump campaign is demanding that i issue a correction for something i said on monday night. the director of communications for the trump campaign, this guy, tim
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for a cheap laugh that the president was golfing during the abu bakr al baghdadi raid, he should retract and correct. and then he showed the timeline, and first of all, i looked into it. and he was right, actually. the information we have was incorrect. trump was at one of his golf courses for the 238th time since taking office, but he finished the round and was back in the white house by 5:00. whether or not they were waiting for him to finish the round, i imagine delta force sitting there in the choppers, locked and loaded going what hole is he on now? because we'd like to -- but nevertheless, i was wrong, and i -- [ applause ] and i hereby officially retract and correct my statement, because it's the right thing to do, and so now that that's behind us, maybe he will retract and correct what he said about me. >> jimmy kimmel would meet me,
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before the election. i'm telling you a true story, i don't even think he'd deny it. no talent. but i'd go to his studio to do a shot, you know, to do a thing. he would stand outside on the sidewalk waiting for me, oh, here he comes, donald trump, he opens my door. i said, does he do this to everybody? to his people? he does it for nobody. now who knows. maybe that was, but he's waiting for me, two or three times i did the show, now i wouldn't do his show, the guy's terrible. but i do his show, and he's standing out on hollywood whatever. boulevard. and he's standing there, opening up the door, like going, oh, hello. i wasn't president. i was, like, a guy. right? a guy with potential. >> jimmy: yeah, well, so. [cheers and applause] almost every word of that is a lie. other than i don't, i do it for
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nobody. that part is true. i do it for nobody, including him. and i assume when he said i was terrible he meant terrific, which is what he tweeted about me before he was president, maybe that was a misspelling, too, as for this fairy tale he shared, here is the timeline of what actually occurred when trump was on our show. at about 4:30 p.m., donald trump showed up in our back parking lot, not on hollywood boulevard, was greeted by a producer at his car like every other guest. i was not there to greet him, nor have i ever waited in the parking lot or anywhere for any guest. trump walked on stage, first time i saw him, i shook his little harngnd, interviewed him. and at 5:45 he left, probably went to hooters next door. i would be willing to testify to that under oath, as would the secret service, let me know when the president will detract and correct that weird kdetailed li.
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and while you're working on factual accuracy, your boss as lied in public approximately 14,000 times. he should probably start the retracting and correcting soon, because he's 73. most republicans are standing by their man. last night, kevin mccarthy proudly tweeted this photo of him and trump at dinner at where else, the trump international hotel. if you zoom into the picture, a very sad mike pence. dining alone. i guess they didn't watch the game. last night the hometown nationals beat the astros in game seven of the world series. it was unusual, an unusual happenstance during the game. the manager dave martinez became the first manager to be ejected from a world series game since 1996. >> this is between innings, and
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dave martinez went out, and then this escalated where chip hale had to hold his manager back. david martinez has been through a heart procedure the second half of the season. they're trying to get him to take it easy. then he's thrown out of the ball became. >> jimmy: and now he's dead. oh, he's not? oh, he's fine. and now he's fine. hey, today, in case you didn't know, today is national candy corn day. which is very dumb. having candy corn day, the day before halloween is like having national open presents day on december 24th. it doesn't make sense. but here's an interesting fact i learned. did you know no new candy corn has been produced since 1964. they just keep recirculating the stuff we already have. tomorrow, of course, is halloween, as is tradition, we'll be dressing up here at the show. and as is also tradition, we are
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issuing our infamous or famous, whatever you want to call it, halloween candy youtube challenge when parents pretend to have eaten their kids' candy and post videos of the kids losing their minds like this. >> i ate all your halloween candy. >> i'm very disappointed in you, mom. >> i'm sorry. i love you. >> i love you too, but i'm very disappointed. >> jimmy: yeah, disappointed a lot of children over the past eight years. sometimes the kids really let their parents have it. >> i got really, really hungry and ate all your halloween candy while you were at school. >> how? >> what do you mean how? i ate it. >> i don't want to see you ever again. now go get a job. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's how uber drivers are born. anyway, parents, you know what to do. tell your kids you ate their halloween candy, record it, put it on youtube with the title
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hey, jimmy kimmel i told my kids i ate all their halloween candy. we'll put the best moments on our show next week, and a zillion people will watch your kid have a you don't have halloween carols, which is a shame because kids are already going door to door. i'd like to you please welcome if you will, the robert zombie middle school halloween choir, everyone. [cheers and applause] ♪ ring around rosie ♪ pocket full of posies ♪ ashes, ashes ♪ we all fall down >> jimmy: and there they are, the halloween choir. thank you, girls.
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and so ♪ ring around the rosie ♪ pocket full of posies >> jimmy: wait a minute. weren't you just over there? ♪ ashes, ashes >> jimmy: what's going on here. guillermo? ♪ we all fall down >> jimmy: you're security guard, do something, won't you? this is crazy. >> i'm not doing anything, i'm going to get the [ bleep ] out of here. ♪ >> jimmy: hey, can we -- can we cut the music? because it's bothering pea a litt little bit here. hey, girls, it was really cute and mice and everything. the song was great, but we have to move on with the show, so if you could skedaddle right out of here, okay? >> stop taking away our halloween candy. >> or we will kill you! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: kids really do say the
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darnedest things, don't they? [cheers and applause] thank you, children. i blame billie eilish for this. we have a great show tonight. mackenzie davis is here. comedian chris porter is in here and we'll be right back with rob lowe. abc's jimmy kimmel live, brought to you by sprint. (paul) switch and get... (sprintern) the new iphone 11 or iphone 11 pro with amazing all-new camera systems. and now you can get iphone 11 (paul) ...for zero-dollars a month when you trade in your iphone7 or newer in any condition. (sprintern) seriously, any condition! (paul) and with sprint's 100% total satisfaction guarantee you can try out the network and see the savings for yourself. (sprintern) can i get a... [air horn beep] it's iphone season. hey paul, do you love it? (paul) yeah. (sprintern) do you love it? (paul) i do. for people with hearing loss, visit sprintrelay.com. the holidays are here. welc(audience cheering)ight.
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♪ [cheers and applause] at iight outside our building. those are formula 1 drivers daniel ricciardo, valtteri bottas, and max verstappen doing donuts outside out theatre right now on hollywood boulevard.
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and guillermo eating a doughnut. you can see guillermo is there cheering them on. he heard there were donuts outside and ran right out of the theater. on sunday, they will be competing in the u.s. grand prix in austin, texas. you can watch it on abc. tonight, from "terminator: dark fate," mackenzie davis is here. then, he has a stand-up comedy special on amazon called "a man from kansas. chris porter, from jimmy kimmel's comedy club in las vegas, which is a magical place. filled with pictures of me. tomorrow night, then tire sta ef will be in costume. have you tried yours on yet? >> not yet. >> jimmy: tomorrow night, we have antonio banderas, natalia reyes, music from big boi and sleepy brown with ceelo green, and our annual half and half halloween pageant. this is where we mash two costumes into one. things like lebronald mcdonald,
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pill cosby, winnie the putin, curious george takei. the list, it's a lot of fun, and costs us a lot of money. so please watch tomorrow. our first guest is an unusually handsome man known to south americans as cara de oro, which means face of gold. his new romantic comedy "holiday in the wild" is available on netflix, friday. please welcome rob lowe. [cheers and applause] ♪ >> jimmy: how you doin'? >> you know, i didn't have nicknames for so long in my career, and "face of gold", i'm going to embrace. >> jimmy: i would think you would embrace something like that. >> i like that nickname. >> jimmy: and looking at you, it really is remarkable.
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you never dip below a 10, do you? >> i try. very hard. >> jimmy: how's it going? >> i have no complaints. >> jimmy: were you working today? >> i was shooting my new film, "911 lonestar." it's going to be, and i play a first responder fireman, but there are so many fires going on here. >> jimmy: right, right, yeah. >> literally half of the real firemen who work with us were doing their real jobs. >> jimmy: wait a minute, there was still half with you playing firemen, pretending to be firemen? >> i think i just got some people in trouble. >> jimmy: it's one thing. and to be an actor is kind of a funny thing if you really boil it down because you're wearing a costume and plagying dressup. >> oh, i can fake do so much stuff. >> jimmy: like what? >> i fake trained to be a fireman. if there was a fire in your
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kitchen, i could almost help. >> jimmy: quick, let me get in makeup, i'll be right back. >> ooh, where's the pretty light? let me go stand in it. >> jimmy: these guys, men and women, i'm not sure what you have on your set there that you train with, so they're really out there. >> i train with the lafd. the men and women, until they've protected your own property, it's impossible to have the proper appreciation for them. >> jimmy: i think i have it, and they haven't even done that with mine. once they came to my house because my pizza oven was making too much smoke. but even that, i am so impressed that they go and do this stuff, because it seems terrible. >> it's, and they, but they love their jobs. >> jimmy: they do. >> they love their jobs more than anything. and to play one of them and to try to do them justice is -- >> jimmy: it's fun, i would imagine. >> i have a good time. >> jimmy: do you ever where the outfit around?
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>> they're called turnouts, jimmy. >> jimmy: not an outfit? >> no, it's not a fireman's outfit. that's what the village people wear. >> jimmy: well, you know what? say what you want, but to this day, there's never been a fire in the village. >> that's right. >> jimmy: the people are very safe. you know, arnold schwarzenegger was here the other night. >> i heard he was here and was very funny. >> jimmy: and he made quite an impression on all of us. >> yes. >> jimmy: and i was talking to him about his new son in law chris pratt, and i learned that you are very involved with all of these people and in fact had the rehearsal dinner for chris and kathryn at your house. >> i did, and it was great. arnold was fantastic. he's great with parties and all of that. he he's always the life of the party and to have chris in the fold is awesome. we go
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days. maria vie maria shriver is my wife's best friend. >> jimmy: one of the questions i asked was were you at chris pratt's bachelor party? ann sa and he said no because his bachelor party was super weird. >> what did he say was weird about it? >> jimmy: he said there were sheep at the party. so you weren't at the party? >> i was not at either bachelor party by the way. but i will tell you that arnold has never had a party, and i've been to many of them, that did not involve animals. [ laughter ] >> it's unbelievable. >> jimmy: what animals have you personally seen at one of arnold's parties? >> the last one was an alligator in the pool. there have been monkeys. the man has a miniature horse that lives in the house. >> jimmy: yeah. he mentioned that, yeah.
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he's got an up pony. >> it's in the house! no, it's coming over to eat some of the bacon. >> jimmy: a bacon-eating horse. >> no, arnold and i work out together. >> jimmy: you do? >> yeah, we've worked out together. >> jimmy: is that intimidating? >> i'm lucky, because i worked out with the mt. rushmore, i worked out with sly. >> jimmy: stallone. >> and arnold both. >> jimmy: that's not rushmore. that's only two. >> that's my rushmore. >> jimmy: what about jack lalane? >> but sly was great, because in the end, we used to work out at the same gym in the '80s. remember when he got just yoked, huge. he would give great advice.
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listen, all you got to worry about is your abs. and your biceps. because that's all everybody looks at. >> jimmy: really? >> it's true. the guy, am i right? when guys, when guys meet other guys, they're like, if the abs are good and the biceps are good, oh, yeah, that guy's jacked. they don't care about any other anatomy. >> jimmy: did you listen to that? did you take that advice? >> are you kidding me? when the greats speak to me, jimmy, i listen. >> jimmy: you respond. i do know that about you. >> arnold's last party, there was a rhesus monkey. and sly was there. and sly had new advice for me. >> jimmy: oh, what was it? >> because in the '80s, it was abs. >> i'm very much into my forearms now. >> jimmy: oh, it's forearms. >> yeah, because you roll your dress shirt up, you're jacked. >> and i thought, that is so amazing. >> jimmy: yeah. >> think about it. >> jimmy: i'm thinking about the
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monkey right now. thinking about rocky and a monkey. ooh, rocky fights a monkey, that wo would be a great next movie. >> i like it. >> jimmy: we'll talk about it during the break. "holiday in the wild" is his movie, we'll be right back. >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by geico, 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance. i can't believe it. what? that our new house is haunted by casper the friendly ghost? hey jill! hey kurt! movies? i'll get snacks! no, i can't believe how easy it was to save hundreds of dollars on our car insurance with geico. i got snacks! ohhh, i got popcorn, i got caramel corn, i got kettle corn. am i chewing too loud? believe it! geico could save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance.
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the orphans, when they're old enough will start mingling with the wild herd, then they might staying out for one or two nights at a time. >> like a sleepover? >> yeah, pretty much like that. chuma over there has been wandering off. one night she'll decide she's not coming home and she'll become a wild elephant again. >> don't you get sad when they leave? >> jimmy: what's going on here? you play a safari pilot. >> it's all about the hat, jim ee jimmy. the hat has its own billing.
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>> jimmy: does he wear it when he's flying the plane? >> i may or may not wear it while i'm flying the plane. this is a movie where you go, ah, you cuddle up with somebody. it's sweet, lovely. >> jimmy: it looks like a romantic comedy. >> when the kids go to bed you watch "the joker." that's really what this is. >> jimmy: so you've got, you're the safari pilot and kristin davis plays -- >> the new york socialite who becomes enamored with animal rescue. it's all shot in africa. >> jimmy: it's not like down to the orange county zoo or arnold's house? >> there are no arnold schwarzenegger animals were harmed in the making of this movie. >> jimmy: that's good. that's really good news. but it is kind of diabolical, okay. let's make a romantic comedy, we'll get two very attractive lead characters and then i know
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what will draw people in, baby animals. >> an algorithm. >> jimmy: an algorithm within us. >> those little animals are so cute, and it's a great sort of message about animal conservation, and it's a very sweet, lovely little movie. >> jimmy: are you still doing your one-man show? >> i am. i'm playing november 9th at thousand oaks. >> jimmy: hopefully the fires will have subsided by november 9th. >> let's hope. as i say, tour around the country. >> jimmy: i've seen your billboard in las vegas. >> it's so cool to have a billboard in vegas. i feel like sammy davis, baby. >> jimmy: even you look at the billboard in vegas and say oh, that's cool, that makes me feel cool. >> 100%. >> jimmy: really, because i would think the mirror would be enough. daily check in. i want to show one thing if you
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don't mind, because this is crazy to me. tell a little bit of this story. >> it's a tad convoluted. i pride myself on story-telling skills. >> jimmy: this will be a great test to see if people want to go to the one-man show if they want to brave the smoke. i think this is a pretty great story. >> i go into the local surf shot shop in malibu, and the guy goes, i have something for you, i was at a flea market in ventura and i bought it, thinking i would see you at some point. >> jimmy: this is what it was. >> it is my skateboard from the sixth grade. >> jimmy: you wrote your name on it. >> i wrote my name on it, and i've been reunited. i haven't seen that since 1975. >> jimmy: wow. how much did he sell it to you for. >> no, he gave it to me! >> jimmy: was he sure that it was yours? because anybody could have
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written "rob lowe" on their skateboard. >> because he knew me growing up, he recognized the board. >> jimmy: would yow, this is cr. had you sold it at a flea market? >> it's one of those things you forget about it until you actually see t. >> jimmy: yeah, i do that with shirts, i'll look at an old picture, hey, what happened to that shirt? usually it means my wife had given it away. that's interesting that he would find something. now what did you do with it? >> i have it next to a skateboard that zac efron made for me. >> jimmy: really, what? >> this is kind of crazy [ bleep ] that goes on in my house. so i have marcus allen's super bowl mvp game ball. >> jimmy: okay. >> i have the skateboard zac efron made for me, and then i have that. >> jimmy: your own skateboard. >> that's in my tv room.
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>> jimmy: you have these on display. >> my life is a little bit like mad libs. >> jimmy: your wife allows this type of material to be displayed. >> only in the tv room. >> jimmy: that's your area. >> that's my area. >> jimmy: rob lowe. "holiday in the wild" is available friday on netflix. thank you, rob, we'll be right back. [cheers and applause] ♪ switch to boost mobile and get unlimited gigs... so you can download all the music you want. but there's more... with boost you get a fast nationwide network, so the beat never stops. but there'mo... you also get 4 lines for $25 per line per month, plus 4 free phones. switch to boost mobile and get 4 lines with unlimited gigs for $25 per line per month, plus 4 free samsung galaxy phones, all on our super reliable, super fast network.
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>> dicky: it's time to find out, what's the weirdest thing in your house. >> hi, i'm greg rivera, and i have a collection of homemade mr. t dolls. this is mr. t in a mr. t tee. some of them are really white. some of them even have little baby sneakers on them. when i bought this one online it said it came with a surprise. surprise. here's the other 197 of them. >> i pity this fool. what's weirdest thing in your house, brought to you by cisco. risotto. buffalo. (buffalo wild wings) gelato. cheesecake. (cheesecake factory) grilled steak.
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♪ [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: you know our next guest from an emmy-winning
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episode of "black mirror" and "the martian" and "blade runner 2049" too. next up, is "terminator: dark fate." it opens in theaters friday. please welcome mackenzie davis. [cheers and applause] ♪ >> jimmy: is this, will this be your first time playing half human-half robot? >> surprisingly, no. i also did it in "blade runner." je >> jimmy: you've done it twice in your young life. >> you figure out how to be human and nonhuman, sometimes they intersect. >> jimmy: we were just talking about arnold schwarzenegger, who is your co-star. >> he is. >> jimmy: would you watch these movies as a kid? they would be older as a kid.
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>> i wasn't exposed to them by my parents but i was more of a junior fan, more of a "twins" gal. >> jimmy: oh, "junior the movie." >> yeah. >> jimmy: so you knew him from like these comedies, not really the action movies that most people know him from. >> that's true, yeah. >> jimmy: when you met arnold, did he do anything weird? because it seems like that's the, was he squatting or anything like that? >> he wasn't squatting. he's lovely, really, really warm and encouraging. and he quotes himself a lot, which i thought is just the most endearing quality. really giving people what they want. >> jimmy: like catch phrases? >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: what did he say? >> so, again, i'm more familiar with "junior", so i missed a lot of the references. he would be talking about something and i would be like, there is no chopper, why is everybody talking about getting
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to the chopper? which i still don't understand. >> jimmy: he would yell that, just randomly throughout the day? >> well, not throughout the day, but at the end of a scene to celebrate. >> jimmy: it is fun when some of these people you would think might possibly be tired of saying this stuff, there are a lot of celebrities who become famous po famous for saying something and then they never say it. he says it literally at the end of every sentence. at the beginning of this movie, and you know this, you get, you drop out of the sky, naked. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and you're just fighting. >> yes. >> jimmy: just like fighting naked. and i was watching and wondering. >> mm-hm. >> jimmy: what it's like to fight naked. >> it's cool. >> jimmy: is it? >> yeah, it's cool. because you can't get tripped up with anything. you really understand your limitations. i don't know. there's a lot of adrenaline about being naked in front of
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people. >> jimmy: yes, there is. >> that sort of affects the weight of your punches. >> jimmy: it does. i did something stupid once, walking around in my underpants in front of my staff. >> how was that? >> jimmy: kind of weirdly pleasurable. >> did they like it? >> jimmy: not at all. they didn't like it, we'd take a break and i'd put on a robe, then i'd have to take off the robe. all right, enough with the robe. >> that's it. i was saying this, they were like, do you want this disgusting underwear to wear? it's like trussing a turkey. i think it's so much better to be nude and not embellish it and not go from modesty to -- >> jimmy: just embrace it. listen, i am 98% naked anyway, we might as well go all the way. >> just do it. >> jimmy: have your parents seen the film yet? >> they haven't. we were supposed to have the premiere on monday. but it was canceled.
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but i want them to pay for it anyways. >> jimmy: did you know what you were signing up for entirely with this movie? or did they keep it a secret? how much do you know going in? >> there are a lot of surprises, but i mean, i, i knew some of it. tem tim's really generous with the pre-visualations of your character. >> jimmy: tim is the director. >> tim is the director. yeah, he showed me some of the stunts i was going to do. i didn't know what it was like to work out that much. >> jimmy: when you say visualizations, do they shoot something? >> they do an animation capture. they have a version of your character who they think she may look like. mean was cast as channing tatum, and it was just so -- >> jimmy: what do you mean? >> i call him channing. and it was just, it looked like channing tatum doing all of my work. anytime we'd go over the work for the day. beautiful lyinda, natalia, and
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mine was that big, butch, like channing tatum type doing all of the, so it was just good, it felt like a group neg that i had to overcome. >> jimmy: also very strange you brought something, you did an a little bit of artwork as well. >> i did. >> jimmy: now before i show this, because i'm interested in it, explain what we're going to see here. >> well, i, on the very first day of filming, i was on set, this big outdoor set scene supposed to be like mexico city in madrid. i was looking through the crowd and saw this enormous man in this sort of tan oversized suit. and then next to him, this very small round man in this oversized tan suit. and i thought that, for me, or for everybody, the costume designers and the sort of background performer organizers
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had this "twins" easter egg in the movie, which if you're not familiar is an arnold schwarzenegger and danny devito reference. >> jimmy: people are puzzled now at this. so there are these two people. >> there are these two people, again i did not have a lot to do that day. so i spent most of the day trying to get a picture of them. they were also elusive like they knew their power and were leading me on a little easter egg hunt. i told your producer yesterday the story and e-mailed me to see if i had a picture, and i said no, let me sketch one out quickly, this is my second try. >> jimmy: this is the second try you say? >> yeah. >> jimmy: what did the first try look like? >> okay. so that's arnold. >> jimmy: that's the guy. >> and then that's danny devito. but they were running, and so he doesn't have any shoes, because they were in a rush.
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>> jimmy: he doesn't even have any feet, never mind shoes. you would make a wonderful police sketch artist. they'd never catch anybody. >> it's about essence more than -- >> jimmy: you did capture something really special here. thank you for bringing this. >> you're so welcome. >> jimmy: do you mind if i keep this for my home? >> yeah, can you have it. >> jimmy: mackenzie davis. "terminator" dark fate" opens in theaters friday. and we'll return with chris porter from las vegas. [cheers and applause] ♪ we build spaces for curious travelers. ♪ we create the things that we want to exist in the world.
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♪ we want people to feel like they spent time with family. ♪ i'm damon. and i'm marcus. and we're airbnb hosts. ♪ annoepidemic fueled by juul use with their kid-friendly flavors. san francisco voters stopped the sale of flavored e-cigarettes. but then juul, backed by big tobacco, wrote prop c to weaken e-cigarette protections. the san francisco chronicle reports prop c is an audacious overreach, threatening to overturn the ban on flavored products approved by voters. prop c means more kids vaping. that's a dangerous idea. vote no on juul. no on big tobacco. no on prop c.
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♪ >> jimmy: thanks to rob lowe and mackenzie davis, apologies to matt damon. we ran out of time for him. "nightline" is next, but first, his third stand-up special, "a man from kansas", is available now on amazon prime video and every monday, he co-hosts "the one millionth podcast" with his sister andi. from "jimmy kimmel's comedy club in las vegas, nevada, please welcome chris porter. [cheers and applause] ♪ >> thank you.
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all right. i'm at that age where all my friends are having babies on purpose. that's a phone call i mess up like 80% of the time. my buddies call. "she's pregnant". ah, that sucks, dude, i'm sorry. porter, we've been married for three year. i know, man. these things happen. for better or worse, you said it. i was there. i told you to change that part. they let you write the vows. vo. for better or we'll see. i had dinner with some friends the other night. they said we're having our first baby. i said, well, see you in two years. they're like, what? i said, yeah, man.
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when you have your first baby, to your friends that don't have babies, you died. you're dead now. you're like a weird ghost i talk to on the phone sometimes. that first six months after you have a baby you can't go out. you're stuck in your house. you have an infant, it's a 24-hour-a-day deal. i get it. you want me to come over. not going to happen. chris, you got to come over and see the baby. first off, i have instagram. trust me. i've seen your baby. baby. baby. as a matter of fact, if you don't find something else to take a picture of real soon, you're going to lose a follower. i'll take a plate of eggs at
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this point. i never come over at the right time. i always come over right after the baby went to sleep. so now we all got to be super quiet. watch football in the garage, like animals. or even worse, i come over and the baby's awake. now you want me to hold the baby. i don't want to hold your baby. you hold your stupid baby. you ever politely refuse to hold someone's child? there's no easy way around it. they get super upset. and then, when i'd finally give in and say i'll hold the baby, you ask like i'm an idiot as my reward. all right, man, i'll hold the baby. well, you got to support its
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neck. no [ bleep ]. you think i figured that out when you handed me your kid and it's -- wait a minute, i'm just going to be over there, what's the matter with your baby? its neck is all messed up. it was like this when you handed it to as soft spot in its head? it blinks when you touch it. look. see, baby's asleep. baby's awake. baby's asleep -- i don't know why you're having problems with intere this. it's got a sleep button on it. grab yourself a paperweight and take a nap. you guys have been a lot of fun. thank you so much. [cheers and applause] ♪
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this is "nightline." tonight ferocious fight. the race against time. david muir on the front lines of raging infernos. >> gusts 60, 70 miles per hour already. >> matt gut opiniman inside the battle. historic, hurricane-strength winds fanning flames, forcing new mandatory evacuations as authorities now issue an unprecedented warning. plus, scary good time. sultry mr. rogers, sexy bob ross and the seductive miss impeachment. are these viral sensations reveal

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