tv The Late Show With Stephen Colbert CBS October 30, 2015 10:35pm-11:37pm CDT
very hard, i sound like a vampire from barthalona. please, please, sit down. please, please. yeah, yeah. look at the beautiful architecture here in barcelona. let me suck your blood. you are staying in my hostel. also, also, vampires don't wear glasses. and i do. i get to show the smokey eye shadow here, this is very nice. of course, i'm a vampire because i've been a vampire every year since i was in first grade, and because i believe it is an obligation on halloween to dress up as something scary. sexy construction worker? that's not scary. it's also not very safe. a lot of workplace injuries are caused by sexiness.
don't get me wrong. a construction hat, half-shirt, and short shorts is a great look. but when you're arc-welding an i-beam 40 stories up, spark hits your thigh, you try to brush it off, you drop a hammer fifteen stories, and it takes someone out, then you've got to rush that person to the sexy nurse at the sexy hospital. and before you know it, you've got a sexy lawsuit on your hands. moral of the story: vampires don't pay worker's comp. of course, while halloween is a christian festival, it has its roots in samhain, an ancient celtic pagan festival where the living and the dead overlap, much like denny's. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) this will make the show go much faster fijust do that. a-ha! there you are! anyway, we've got a great show tonight. i'll be talking to the host of
rose. ( cheers and applause ). >> jon: charlie rose. >> stephen: charlie rose. broadcast of "cbs this morning." now, i haven't seen all of them, my theory is: norah and gayle are real, but charlie's been a ghost the whole time. ( laughter ) i'll also be talking to author -- this is really a hard name to say with these teeththn stacy schiff.. ( cheers and applause ) this is a disaster. >> jon: get it out! >> stephen: this is a disaster waiting to happen. historian-- ( laughter ) who has written the story of the salem witch trials of 1692,
course, some are now saying was just an early attemem to lowerr hillary's pollumbers. and finally, we'll have a performance by the band ghost. ( cheers and applause ) they're a swedish heavy metal band, so they're going to plug in, crank up and assemble an ikea bookshelf! ( cheers and applause ) oh, yeah! don't be scared y'all. that's just the sound of jon batiste and stay human. say hi, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) i could have done that. i could have been the king of pop. jon i see-- i see you've got some extra humans with you tonight. who do we have here? >> jon: not exactly humans. we have the legendary zombies. >> stephen: the zombies, everybody! ( cheers and applause ). >> stephen: well, they are about to kick things off, but
( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: thank you very much. welcome to the show, everybody. >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: thank you very mumu, everybody. >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! ( cheers and applause ) thanks, everybody, thanks so much. if you have seen the show before-- i'm sure a lot of you have seen the show before. then you this is a comedy show. and we have fun here and we good. but i take the show very seriously. i'll show you how serious. hold on. it is my responsibility to safeguard my viewers-- especially around the holidays, which can be so dangerous.
special halloween warning to residents of peoriri arizona. please, be on the lookout for this. >> today's storm causing problems of a different kind in peoria. >> the strong winds creating a dangerous situation, launching a giant inflatable pumpkin right into traffic. the pumpkin rolling over cars, smash spog and bending a street light, pedestrians running for cover. >> stephen: yes, marauding, orange monster is on the loose-- and, for once, it's not donald trump. ( cheers and applause ) god, i just-- i just pray his head doesn't blow loose. here's what happened. evidently, high winds snapped its mooring lines, and it careened for more than a quarter mile before getting stuck on a swing set and partially deflating. and per halloween tradition, it wi be left there until@
mid-january. ( laughter ) so the good news is, so this promotional novelty inflatable crisis is over, but stayayigilant because at any minute the tube men could rise up and flail us to death with their noodly arms. or worse, summer-fun king kong the competition's prices on lease-to-own mazdas. and that's not the only halloween danger out there. for instance, everyone loves trick--treating, but it turns out there's a downside to sending your kids out so they can take candy from strangers. everyone has heard of the scary stories of people who give out candy with razor blades hidden in them. that's almost as bad as people who give out apples. that's why every year, parents, you've got to make sure to inspect your kids' candy, dump
anything that looks suspicious. for example, any package that's open or anything that's a bit-o-honey. "i'm sorry, was my son dressed as a trash can? ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) at is the only excuse you could have for giving him one of those things! why not just give him hard tack and still water? is this a treat or punishment in the british navy?" and once you've made sure it's all safe, you can then return the candy to t t kids-- minus, of course, a small inspection daddy's got to get his beak wet and his butter fingered. here's the thing-- the rest of the media won't tell you those razor blade stories are all urban legends. there has never been one documented case. for one thing, razor blades are way too expensive. you might as well fill peanut butter cups with printer cartridges.
enjojotheir candy-- is something i wish i couou i say because now there are rererts out of reynoldsburg, ohiothat the fun size may be over. >> a preteen returned home from trick-or-treating and was exchanging candy with friends when the child bit into one of those bite-sized snickers bars, ananthere was a razor wedged in the middle of that piece of candy. now, we're told that that razor is the size of a disposable razor. >> stephen: a disposable razor. ( laughter ) so not only will it cut your mouth, but the lubricating strip tastes terrible. ( laughter ) but don't worry, nobody was hurt and the reynoldsburg p.d. is on the case. in fact, the rest of the kid's candy was taken to the franklin county morgue to be examined, yes, the morgue where i'm sorry to say that at 11:44 p.m., mr. goode bar was pronounced dead. ( applause )
he is survived by the widow goodbar and their baby, ruth. ( laughter ) ( applause ) now, i have to say, i have some doubts as to whether or not this actually happened. this could be like one of those times when someone claims there was a mouse in their taco bell. and they're e king that up... 75% of the time. up until now, no one has ever put razor blades in candy on halloween, and they still haven't because this didn't happen on halloween. they got the razor blade snickers when they went trick-or-treating on thursday night. that's not halloween candy. that's octoberer9th candy! what's your problem reynoldsburg, ohio? thursday? really? why? halloween falls on a saturday this year. the only people who have to trick-or-treat on thursday are orthodox jews trying to get their candy before shabbos.
( cheers and applause ) that's it. and, remember, kids, if you're keeping kosher, don't mix your milk duds withh your meat dudz. why can't you wait until october 31st? let me guess-- that's when you celebrate fourth of july? look, here's the thing: do i want to see kids get razor blades in their candy? on a thursday, yeah. laughter ) sorry. matter of fact, on the thursday before halloween, all my candy has razor blades in it. i put the razor blades in there to keep me from eating the candy before the hololay. then, on halalween, i take the razor blades out. see you tomorrow night, kids. so, everyone, stay safe out there, but remember: trick-or-treat on haoween only. you don't want to end up like this guy. that's not makeup. he went trick-or-treating on
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tt2watx#@nd p bt@mrod tt2watx#@nd p "a@mbc tt2watx#@nd p bm@mih, tt4watx#@nd r dzhq v^< ( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: the zombies! ( cheers ) the nice thing about these teethth is that they look very dignified. they give you sort of imperial air, very noble quality. hey, y'all. ( laughter ) you know, just because it'ss halloween and i'm dressed like this doesn't mean we can't talk about serious issues. in fact, i am finally ready to unveil my plan for jerusalem to once and for all become a peacefully shared home for three of the world's great religions. all l will take is a sincere admimiion of wrongdoing bybyhose wh- ( doorbell sounds )
oh, sounds like we got some trick-or-treaters! okay, all right, here we go. >> trick or trtrt! >> stephen: oh, come on in! don't you guys look great. and hoare you, young man? >> arrrgh! i'm a pirate! >> i'm a princess. it's a gender-role imposed on me by my pareres. where was i? where was i? right, the crisis in the middle east, as i was saying, clearly, the side truly at fault here-- ( doorbell sounds ) more trick-or-treaters! this is exciting! >>rick or treat! >> stephen: come in! i department see you. what a terrific costume. >> i made it myself with milk
can i have some candy. >> stephen: hold on. aren't you kind of big to be trick-or-treating? >> i had a growth spurt. >> stephen: who are you supposed to be. >> the mastst chief. >> stephen: oh, from "halo"! >> from "halo 5: guardians." have a copy kids. >> yay! >> stephen: you can't come on my show and do product placement for "halo 5: guardians," now exclusively from micicsoft xbox 1. >> you're right, i'm sorry. >> stephen: here, have some candy. >> stephen: it might be easier without the helmet there, buddy. >> go idea. >> new england patriots tight end and spokesmab for "halo 5", rob gronkowski! ( cheers and applause )
wow! gronk! congratulations on absolutely spanking the dolphins last night. ( cheers and applause ) and i certainly hope i can say, "spank the dolphin" on cbs. you're in the middle of yet another record-setting season for the patriots. ( cheers and applause ) >> except t ek six against dallas. only four catches for 67 yards? what was that? ( laughter ) >> good one! >> get off my back, betty ballerina! >> stephen: gronk, please, don't yell at thehehildren. gronk, what are you doing here? >> i just love halloween, stephen. it's a great way to have fun, meet people in the neighborhood, and tell them about gawr! >> stephen: you mean the next evolution of "halo combat," gronk. >> here, kids, have another copy. >> stephen: remember, those are rated "t" for teens. how old are you ballerina?
>> 13. ( laughter ) >> stephen: >> stephen: okay, you're on your honor. well, thanksor stopping by, gronk. happy halloween. >> thanks, stephen. >> stephen: we'll be right back with charlie rose. ( cheers and applause ) it's the time of the season when love runs high. in this time give it to me easy t up the stairs. what time does goodwill close? google voice: goodwill is open till 9pm. show me a moving company nearby. google voice: moving company within 6 miles. how do i get to 3221 carter ave.? 226 hyde street. google voice: here are your directions. when does my package arrive? google voice: your most recent order has shipped. thank you. setting new home address.
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( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. myirst guest is the host of his own show on pbs, a correspondent for "60 minutes," and coanchor of "cbs this morning," which my first guest is the host of his own show on pbs, a celebrated its 1,000th episode today. please welcome charlie rose! ( cheers a a applause ) ( applause ) ( band playing ) >> so, i -- >> you aost didn't make it to 1,supper 01. you're wearing shoes lady gaga wouldn't get into. >> i now k kw what gayle and
>> stephen: charlie, you look fantastic. you look fantastic. >> you think, guys? ( cheers and applause ). >> stephen: have you-- have you had any work done? >> a little here and there. a little tuck here, a little tuck there. >> stephen: excellent. you haha a question. >> i have a question, yes-- would walter cronkite@do this on halloween? >> stephen: i think he actually reported nixon's resignation in a peter pan costume. >> i didn't know that. >> stephen: he did. you should know you'r'ra four-time emmy and peabody award winning, executive anchor of charlie rose, which has been on pbs since 1993. no globally on bloomberg television. you're a contributing correspondent to "60 minutes," and coanchor with gayle king of "cbs this morning" since 2012, ananyou just received the walter cronkite award from the cronkite school of journalism at arizona state university. >> thank you so much. >> stephen: congratulations. ( applause ). >> lots of people, lots of people are responsible for that, not just me. bubuit was a great honor.
>> stephen: did you ever meet walter cronkite? >> i did, i interviewed walter cronkite. >> stephen: you interviewed everybody. >> almost. >> stephen: i'm just starting interviewing people as myself, not as a character. and absolutely seriously, what's the best advice you can give somebody about having to get people to open up f f you?? >> engage, lisqen, and follow up. >> stephen: i think-- i didn't catch all of that. ( laughter ) what do you mean engage? what do you mean, engage, just be interested in them? >> yeah. you want them totonow that you care that yououe there and they there. >> stephen: charlie, i care that you're here. >> that makes me feel a lot better. he cares so much i'm inviting him to do my show in costume. i have to ask you a question-- boxer or brief? >> stephen: i free-ball it, charlie. ( cheers and applause ) i'll tell you what, i'll come-- i'll come dressed as someone with dignity. that's the best costume they have. >> yeah.
>> stephen: okay, 1,000th showows of this morning. >> "cbs this morning." >> stephen: "cbs this morning." people have said, like, "wow, it's a surprise success." is that a compliment or an insult? it's like saying, "wow, you really loo great." >> it's aecognition that cbs had tried many, many times, including walter cronkite. >> stephen: he did a morning show? >> he did, he did. mike wallace did a morning show. so cbs has a long tradition of doing morning shows and lots of people said, you know, are they ever going to get it right?" and we got it right. ( cheers and applause ) yeah. we-- because, because we care. the news and so we say the news is back in the the morning. >> stephen: it's the newsiest >> it is. >> stephen: this morning it's announced president obama they're going to put special forces into syria. >> indeed. >> stephen: you've underviewed bashar al-assad. >> i have.
ever be pushed out of office or is he someone we're just going to have to live with in syria? >> certainly nototn the capapity he is now. i think he will be transitionout, is the word they use over there. the russianed have come in to prop him up, and i suspect what they're doing is getting him into a position where they can bargain. they're scared if he goes-- the russians are and other people are-- who's going to follow him? and that's the big question, so everybody concerned wants to make sure it's not isis or some other group like that. so that's what they're fighting about. >> stephen: russia is very invested in syria. they have military base there and putin hasnvited him to russia. you also invited putin, when he was in the united states, you sat down with him. what's your impression of the guy? >> he's very interested. he's engaged. he's like an athlete on his feet, like this. my impression is that he's smart. he is either tactical or strategic, and he wants to make russia relevant. and he did it in ukraine. he's doing it in syria.
the u.s. is responding because of isis, primarily. but what we're hoping happens now, i think what the president hopes, is thatt somehow by pupuing these special f fces there to advise those forces that are on the ground, syrian forces and others, that they will make some gain in restraining isis. >> stephen: but the russians are going to have forces there, too, and they're flying over there, and we're flying over there. this seems like-- it'ss not that far-- where they're bombing is not that far away from the biblical town of mogidu, where place. >> it's what everybody worries about this wilil turn into a wider war, a war in which people-- everybody has a surrogate fight, for them. that's the great fear. >> stephen: how many on pbs? year. ( applause ) thank you. >> stephen: and you also-- you also are a correspondent for "60 minutes." >> "60 minutes." >> stephen: you're the ryan
seacrest of news. you do everything. why don't-- why do you want to do so much at once? are you-- do you shrivel when there's no camera around. >> no! no! i do it because of my curiosity and i get to sit down with a range of interesting and diverse people who are fascinating. >> stephen: after 25 years, you don't, like, zone out in the middle of talking to somebody. >> no! >> stephen: and go, "what is thisiserson saying to me?" >> do you? >> stephen: no. >> i certainly hope not right now. >> stephen: it's charlie, right. >> and some call me frankie. >> stephen: frankie rose? really? >> because of my halloween hero. >> stephen: oh, of course. ( laughtht ) i don't know why--fter a while, i have to say, after a while i don't see it anymore. i just think that's what charlie rose looks like. sinatra. i thought you meant sinatra. charlie thank you so much for being here. >> it's an honor to be here. congratulations. i love the fact that you are
taking time in this marvelous ur to do serious interviews, and it shows me that people really care when there are interesting people to see them engaged -- >> i am interested in my guests. have you seen any of my interviews? have you liked a athing? >> who could not have looked at joeed bien and say wow? >> stephen: that was an honor. that was an honor. mr. biden brought that, yeah. ( applause ). >> i'll make a deal with you, though. >> stephen: you're going to make a deal with me? >> right now. i'll help you on interviews. >> stephen: okay. >> if you'll help mee on being funny. ( laughter ). >> stephen: all right, i'll come come to your show, and you and gayle and norah and i we can do pratfalls. >> we can do that. >> stephen: all right. >> you know what i'll do? >> stephen: what. >> i've been known to dive intnt a bunch of balls, too, on a certaiai show. >> stephen: then i'm going to wear some boxers. thank you so much. ladies and gentlemen, charlie rose!
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special all hollows eve edition of the "late show." i'm dressed like this because tomorrow is halloween-- unlessss this is a rerun, in which case i look like a real jackass. ( laughter ) halloween has many fun traditions: tricking or treating, bobbing for apples, mailing your november rent check. but i especially love carving the jack-o'-'-ntern. it combines my two favorite things: knives and faces. so tonight, we here at the "late show" want to share a few of our own pumpkin carving tips. jim? >> pumpkin carvingng is a treasured fafa tradition. let's make your next fall party jack-o-mazing. if your pumpkin is having a good time, so will your guests. so give him a big, pumpkiny grin. don't forget the eyes! they're the window to the soul. ( laughter ) why should the outside of the
pumpkin have all the fun? as you carve this one, make eye contact with one of your guests and say, "ii thininthis is your head, and i'm doing this to you." just because you're smaller than the rest of the gang, doesn't mean that you can't get in on the fun. or maybe it does. like people, some pumpkins are born failures. ( laughter ) get the party started with a a new way to serve your famous halloween punch. but you're not done yet. this punch bowl needs a spigot. and if you're in a hurry, no prprlem. just skip the pumpkin. here's one for the ladies. it's 2015. halloween's not just for boy pumpkins anymore. now you've got a jill-o-lantern. don't forget to light the special lady candle. it's perfect, just like you are. who's hungry for dessert.
but good luck having left overs. mmm! that's farm fresh. who wants whipped cream? ( lalahter ) here's's fun new take on an old favorite. stop letting society tell you what a pumpkin is. it's as good as gourd.d. have a fabulous fall and s s you in november when it's time to hollow out that jack-o-turkey. >> stephen: we'll be right back. ( applause )ith type 2 diabetes are learning about long-acting levemir . as my diabetes changed, it got harder to control my blood sugar. today, i'm asking about levemir . vo: levemir is an injectable insulin at can give you blood sugar control for up to 24 hours. and levemir helps lower your a1c.
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[ ( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my next guest is a pulitzer prize-winning author. her book is called "the witches: salem, 1692." please welelme stacy schiff! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: i would like to have seen charlie rose in that, i'll tell you.
>> well, there was a little discussion backstage, but i won. >> stephen: thank you for being here. >> thank you for having me. >> stephen: you received a fellow ship fromom the guggenheim foundation and the natitial encouple for the humanities. you have written books on cleopatra and benjamin franklin franklin-- frankly-- and your new book is called "the witches: salem, 1692". this is about the famous witch trials in salem. >> indeed. >> stephen: it's halloween tomorrow. are our halloween witches in any way related? do they owe anything to the salem witch trial witches, our american idea of witches? >> i hate to disappoint but a witch in the 17th century was much more a diabolical accomplice than a witch today. she was a real entity and did the devil's bidding. >> stephen: that's the witch's due. i'm not talking about, harry potter witctcs. i'm talking spooky witches with a pointy hat and buckle. >> she didn't have a pointy hat
but could transform herself into animals, like a cat, for example, a black cat or a turtle or weasel. she was very creative. > stephen: so how did it come about? in scene 92 there was a rash of accusations. how did it start? >> it starts with two little girls who begin to convulse and shriek and fall into trances which were symptoms which were understoododo be diabolical doings, and either possession of witchcraft and in this case they're determined to be witchcraft and it spread. >> stephen: how did it spread? did the girls say somebody did this to me. >> when you say to someone,"europe bewitched" they always seem to be able to name a witch. so they begin to point fingers. >> stephen: so the girls who were having the convulsions were accused of being possessed. >> they are accused of being bewitched, and, therefore, there must be a witch somewhere loose in the community. stephen: and they had i think it's this person. >> they name three names. it's interesting we don't know if they named the names or their
parents perhaps suggested the names and three women are denounced as witch s. >> stephen: what did they do. >> they, alas, go to couou and are unable t t defend themselves. they are accused of-- they don't fare so well. >> stephen: did they burn? >> they hang the witches in massachusetts. >> stephen: they hanged them? that's much nicer than burning. >> that's far more polite. >> stephen: it's a happier ending than i thought. >> it's mucuch more sin mat glik how many people do you think ended up being killed. >> 20 proomably innocent people died -- >> presumably people died. we don't know. we don't want to prejudge. they could h he been witches. that's very open minded of you. >> don't you think. >> stephen: only women? >> no, 14 women, five men, and two dogs. and one man is pressed to death under stones. that's why we get 19 people hangd and one person is pressed to death. >> stephen: pressed to death under stones? that wasn early form of a panini. that's where they get the name. his name was roberto panini.
>> i always wondered where the name came from and now we know. >> stephen: two dogs are killed for witchcraft. >> two dogs were presumed to be bewitched. >> stephen: was there any way-- obviously, the dogs had a little trouble defending emselves. but was-- was there any way to defend yourself? what was the best way? let's say if i got accused, what week the best way to get out of it? >> well, there are two really good ways. one is to accuse someone else quickly. ( laughter ) >> stephen: yeah, it was bill! >> e ectly. it was really veve little way out. and the other way was to-- and only if you were well off could do you this-- escape to a saner place like new york. >> stephen: so people would actually flee the massachusetts colony-- >> there were fugitives who were actually able to escape prison and who were able to come to new york whererthere was notot an issue. >> stephen: how long did this go on? >> to answer your question, no, there was very little way out once accused.
it began in early january, late february, and it was over in the fall so nine months in all. >> stephen:n: really. the whole thing-- back in salem they used to burn witches it was only a nine-month period. >> where they were burned but really hanged was only nine months altogether. >> stephen: how were you tested? what was the trial like? what did they d d to find out? was there a way to test somebody if they were a witch? >> there were all kinds of tests d some of them were very simple, a witch, for example, was thought not to be able to cry. >> stephen: witches couldn't cry. >> except from i think three tears in your left eye you could perhaps do. >> stephen: people still have those tats sometimes. >> a witch couldn't recite the lord's prayer properly. and people when in court because they're under such duress and in front of these imposing authorities stumble over the lord's prayer-- further proof you were a witch. marks on your bodies could
which was astonishingly easy to witch.h. >>witch. >> stephen: you mentioned pigs sort of thing. >> a lot of new england problems are caused by marawding livestock, yes. >> stephen: good fences make good neighbors, i guess. >> roger frost plays a major role in this story. there's a lot of trespass, physical trespass and trespass of properties in the story. >> stephen: wow. forgive us our trespasses. i'm clearly not a witch. ( laughter ) well, the book is "the witches: salem, 1692". stacy schiff, everybody. thank you so much for being here. >> thank you so much, stephen. >> stephen: we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause )
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antidepressants can increase these in children, teens, and young adults. elderly dementia patients on latuda have an increased risk of death or stroke. call your doctor about fever, stiff muscles and confusion, as these may be signs of a life-threatening reaction, or if you have uncontrollable muscle movements, as these may be permanent. high blood sugar has been seen with latuda and medicines like it, and in extreme cases can lead to coma or death. other risks include decreased white blood cells, which can be fatal, dizziness on standing, seizures, increased cholesterol, weight or prolactin, trouble swallowing and impaired judgment. avoid grapefruit and grapefruit juice. use caution before driving or operating machinery. i spend time with my family just doing everyday things, really. but you know what? they feel pretty special to me. ask your doctor if once-daily latuda is right for you. pay as little as a $15 copay.
can you hear the rumble? can you hear the rumble that's calling? i can feel the thunder that's breaking in your heart i can see through the scars inside you i can feel the thunder that's breaking in your heart i can see through the scars inside you a candle casting a faint glow you and i see eye to eye can you hear the thunder?
that's breaking? now there is nothing between us from now our merge is eternal can't you see that you're lost? can't you see that you're lost without me? i can feel the thunder that's breaking in your heart i can see through the scars inside you i can feel the thunder that's breaking in your heart i can see through the scars
captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org fun and eat some eggs tonight don't you worry about the splashes you use just rely on yourselves it's "the late late show" reggie: ladies and gentlemen, all the way from alberta, canada, give it up for the one, the only, mr. james corden! [cheers and applause] [captioning funded by cbs television studios and cbs
broadcasting inc.] james: good evening and welcome to "the late late show." thanks for staying up for us. thank you so much. oh, guys, i don't know if you saw this, last night, the miss america pageant crowned its 94th winner. did you see that? there was lots of excitement, plenty of surprises. the biggest surprise for me was finding out that you guys still do this. [laughter] [cheers and applause] and iknow -- i know what you're thinking, you dont have a miss well we do, it's the queen, and she wins every year. always at your service. i understand that miss america is an old american tradition, but so was dying of polio, and you've managed to stop that. technically the winner last night was anyone who didnt watch. but the official winner was miss georgia. and it didnt faze her at