tv The Late Show With Stephen Colbert CBS December 16, 2015 10:35pm-11:37pm CST
and jacob heller. ( band playing intro music ) >> welcome stephen colbert! >> stephen: hey! ( cheers and applause ) captioning sponsoror by cbs hey! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome to "the late show." wooo! >> stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: that's nice. oh! oh, that gets you. >> stephen! stephen. >> stephen: get you right there. oh! ( cheers and applause ) that's really lovely! thank you, everybody. thank you, so much. that's really wonderful. thank you. that-- that-- that outpouring of affection, i have to say, that iss so intimate. i feel like i've made out with
( laughter ) ( applause ) ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: i'm not sorry i'm not sorry. welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. i am pumped tonight, my friends. because-- this is true-- i i t tickets to the midnight showing of "star wars: the force awakens." ( cheers and applause ) and by midnight, i mean 11:30 a.m. next sunday. it's the first i could get. could have seen it, a while ago, but i didn't. unfortunately, for those of us who haven't seen it yet, "star wars" is gonna generate a ton of spoilers. and they're about to hit us like we're womprats just sitting here in n ggar's canyon any minute, because monday night was the world premiere at mann's chinese theater in los angeles. all the stars were there, including, dressed as yoda, joseph gordon leavitt-- oh, the geek is strong with this
one. ( laughter ) and all those people now represent a risk of spoiler- bombing the rest of us. i believe there's only one way to defend our enjoyment of the movie: we must flood the national conversation with fake spoilers, like chaff out the back of a fighter jet, to throw off a heat-seeking movie missile. we won't know what's real and what's not and we can enjoy the movie in peace and ignorance. soso in self-defense, right now i will now tweet a list of fake spoilers that are are not in the movie to confuse people as to what is real and what is not under the hashtag #spoilerspoilers here we go. there's a scene where chewbacca gets into some dark chcholate and has to spendndhe night at
tweet. tweet. hehe's a good one. ( laughter ) ( applause ) okay, ( laughter ) ( applause ) mmmm! mmm! you didn't like them. and tweet. there you go. so go and do your part to keep us in the dark by spreading your own spoiler spoilers on the internet. help me, audience. you're my only hope. ( cheers andndpplause )
by the way, spoiler alert: we have a great show for you tonight. ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: that's right. >> stephen: tonight, i have the honor of sitting down with robert de niro. that's right. the robert de niro right over there. the-- the robert de niro. undeniably the greatest actor of his generation. i feel perfectly comfortable saying that upon though, , u know, meryl streep is at home right now going, "what, colbert?! i will cut a bee-atch." in honor of de niro's performance in "raging bull," i put on 40 pounds for this interview. then i'll sit down with harvard psychology professor and happiness expert, daniel gilbert. ( cheers and applause ) daniel is here to talk about-- very nice, very nice. he's here to talk about how to stay happy during christmas. well, if my aunt rita is any
examame, start the cosmos s noon. ( laughter ) and we'll have a holiday performance by punk icon henry rollins. ( cheers and applause ) you better not pout, you better not cry, you better not shout, cuz shouting is kinda henry's thing. oh, that sound, that ticktococ in mymy heart is jon batiste and stay human. say hi, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) they are about to rock your socks off. as well as your shoes, and possibly your spanx. but before they do, one more thing. a new study shows that elected leaders don't live as long as their defeated opponents. so if there's a candidate you really d d't like, vote for them.
robert de niro. authth daniel gilbert. and henry rollins. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now it's time fofo"the late show with stephen n lbert"! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: wooo! >> stephen! stephen! >> stephen: i'llll take it. i'll take it. thank you, ladies and gentlemen. >> stephen! stephen!
stephen! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: yeah! that is-- oh, that is the best. best possible christmas present i could get. i need your energy. you'll have to excuse me. i'm a little tired. last night was yet another republican debate. and i'm tired because i was up late watching the whole thing, and definitely not at the cbs christmas party instead. and this morning, i did not have to apologize for challenging scott pelley to a pushup contest after not licking egg nog out of tom selleck's mustache. that's what i didn't do. i watched the debate. if you missed it, cnn's g.o.-palooza went down in las vegas at the most american possible venen, the venetian hotel and casino, owned by republican megadador and part-time kuato, sheldon adelson. ( laughter )
the debate took place on the stage where "phantom of the opera" played for over six years. which explains wolf blitzer's outfit. ( laughter ) holding the debate in las vegas makes total sense-- the stakes are high. there's a lot of money riding on long shots. most people are betting it all on red, or really orange. it was a huge night. all the cnn heavy hitters were there-- wolf blitzer, dana bash, and let's say republican anderson cooper? i'm not sure. who is that? that is-- that's ah-- hugh hewitt! the pundit so nice they "hugh-ed" him twice. and cnn did everything they could to keep us tuned in for as much of the evening as possible by keeping the start time as vague as possible. they even had a countdown clock for four days ticking down to the big event-- but when it hit
"moments away." ( laughter ) oh, i am so excited for cnn's new year's eve coverage: "3-2-1 happy... moments away!" ( laughter ) ( applause ) now, there was a great-- it was a great debate. they talked about a lot of stuff, which again, i totally watched because i was not at the cbs christmas party doing jello shots out of charlie rose's navel with the two broke girls. ( laughter ) but what really struck me was the ruthless attacks on the republicans. >> senator paul, you said isis grew stronger because of the hawks in your partrt do you really think that republicans have fueled the rise of isis? >> stephen: no, jimmy, the real attacks on republicans. >> marco knows what he's saying isn't true. for marco to suggest our record's the same is like suggesting the fireman and the arsonist have the same record because they're both at the
>> we need a commander in chief who made tough calls, not first-term senators s o nevevemade an executive dedesion in thehe life. >> if you're in favor of world war iii, you have your candidate. >> this is a tough business to run for president. >> oh, you're a tough guy, jeb. i know. >> and we need to have a leader. >> well, let's see. i'm at 42 and you're at three, so, so far i'm doing better. >> doesn't matter. doesn't matter. >> stephen: guys, don't fighgh don't fight! be friends. ( laughter ) it was such a knock-down, drag-out brawl that vegas labeled it "the thrilla of mostly vanilla." ( laughter ) but the main cow carcass being slowly lowered into the piranha pit of this eighth grade slumber party was donald trump, who threw some solid punches himself but got tagged on hard by jeb bush. >> donald, you're not going to be able to insult your way to the presidency. that's not going to happen. >> stephen: strong words. though i'm not sure if he's right.
remember how f.d.r. clinched the nomination at the '32 convention. >> i understand why my opponent is called hoover, bebeuse he sucks. oh! ( cheers and applause ) ( laughter ) >> stephen: and jeb shouou know better than to attack donald trump. it j jt makes him stronger. and trump can take any amount of punishment. earlier this week, his campaign released a letter from trump's doctor. it read in part, "to whom it may concern, mr. trump's laboratory test results were astonishingly excellent and his physical strength and stamina are extraordinary." that's right. "astononhingly excellent" and "extraordinaryry so while trump is disease free, evidently, talking like him is highly contagious. ( laughter )
had two! the doctor explained that trump's blood pressure is a healthy 110 over 65 and on a prostate test his score was 0.15, very low. and i am not surprised his prostate is healthy-- that's where he's pulling his best ideas from. ( cheers and applause ) like he's starting a lawnmower! ( laughter ) and the report got even trumpy-er. because the doctor concluded his letter by saying, "mr. trump, i can state unequivocally, will be the healthiest individual ever elected to the presidency." and i believe him. of the 44 people who have been president, most of those guys are dead. so the question is, who is this guy? who is trump's personal doctor? who is the man lucky enough to
none other than dr. harold m. bornstein, shown here wasting away in margaritaville. ( laughter ) now, obviously, that's just a vacation snapshot from his facebook page. i'm sure the doctor r s a photo that's a little more professional. let's take a look at the doctor in his office. that's got to inspire confidence. "okay! now you diagnose me!" "i've hidden a polyp someplace. on my body. i promise you'll find it!" ( laughter ) okay, okay. okay, still not fair. there's got to be a better photo of him out there. let's get one off his official website. there he is.
1978, saying, "let's finish the fondue and get in the hotub." or hell, let's just lose the pants and get in the fondue." the int is, trump is the runaway leader. dr. bornstein has been donald trump's most trusted physician for over 30 years. so i think it's time to prepare for surgeon general bornstein. ( laughter ) we'll be right back with robert
before there could be a nation, there had to be people willing to fight for it, to take on the world's greatest challenges, whatever they might be. so, the u.s. army masters not only tactics and strategy, but also physics and chemistry. we make battle plans and create breakthroughs - in medicine, science and engineering. our next mission could be anything. so we prepare for everything. music starts and plays throughout gucci guilty
( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my first guest tonight is a an iconic oscar-winning actor who has starred in more than 100 films. his new film is "joy." >> dad, don't go in there. mom is in there. >> you can have him back, terry. >> we went to the metropolitan museum of art. >> what did you like at the museum? >> what did i like? i'll tell you what i liked. i liked the ancient roman statues. i liked the medieval armor. i liked the trusk an jewelry. >> museums are full of dust and death. >> having an eexpresso and a nice panini. >> you have a panini and a coffin.
>> why are you asking me? >> what else, captain jack, what else is so great.. >aptain j jk. >> captain jack, the flying jack-ass. >> you're like a gas leak. we don't see you, we don't smell you, but you're killing us all. you creature from the black lagoon. >> stephen: please welcome robert de niro. ( cheers and applause ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hole you cow, robert de niro. this is why you have one of these shows.
this is why you want this show, is to talk with robert de niro. >> oh. >> stephen: hey, hey. ( cheers ) hey, t tghuy. w are you? ( laughter ) >> well, i just want to say i'm very happy that you're doing this show. >> stephen: oh, thank you very much. me, too! especially right now i'm very happy to be doing this show. >> because you're smart, and you're terrific. you're funny, you're great. ( applause ) >> stephen: wow. i didn't think there was any reason i could like robert de niro more than i did. (laughter) but i suddenly for some reason have affection for you. ( laughter ) happy-- merry christmas. >> you, too, thank you. >> stephen: do you do, like, a classic italian christmas, like seven fish or whatever the thing is? >> i do things with family and stuff. i try. >> stephen: yeah. >> yeah. ( laughter ) that's it. >> stephen: not too hard, evidently. >> no, i do try hard.
i do try hard. >> stephen: you do try hard? >> i do. >> stephen: do you cook for the whole family? you have six kids. >> i don't cook. we have people that do that for >> stephen: you actually have a restaurant. you have a hotel. >> yes. tribiba. >> yes. >> stephen: and the h hel is covered with paintings, your dad's paintings are in there. >> yes, my father's. ( applause ) >> stephen: i-- i-- my mom met your dad over 30 years ago. >> really. >> stephen: in charleston, >> okay. >> stephen: he had a showing as a painter for people who don't know. there was a gallery showing. she went to the showing and there wawaa party afterwards for the artist and she said there was a guy sitting in the corner, nobody was talking to him. she sat down with him and had a conversation. she said, "i met the nicest man tonight. his son is an actor, i think." i said, "what is the actor?" she said de-neto? i felt like e met you at that momont. you did aaocumentary about your dad.
>> di. on hbo. yeah. i did. >> stephen: why did you want to make a documentary about your dad? >> well, i-- i just wanted to do a documentary on him because of-- i had some footage-- a guy followed him around in the 70s lewis super 8 camera. i always wanted to do that. and as time goes on, i wanted to really find out more about both sides of my family. so i started doing-- having people doing it, and the people did the documentary, barry peltz. i'm mispronouncing the names of the other people so forgive me. janes rosenthal, they didd the documentary. and then i-- it was going-- it wasn't intended to go to hbo. but i just wanted to do a documentary for my family, my kids who were young and didn't meet their grandfather. i kept his studio. i took them there to see it.
but i-- the documentary, as i say, i wanted too. i did it. they likeded it. they wanted-- hbo can, and they wanted to put it on, and i said fine. >> stephen: that's lovely. you made it for your kids. >> yeah. >> stephen: did they like it? did they feel like they were introduced to their grandfather. >> they don't tell me that stuff. >> stephen: really? they go, "that's nice, dad." did you talk to your dad about your desire to be an actor? he was ace painter. did you say, "i want to do something more stable. i want to be an actor." >> not much. he would go off on stuff about painting, some i remember, some i don't, i wish i remembered more. but yeah. it's not quite how i think it is with youou kids. >> stephen: nothing is the way you think it is with y yr kids. >> as far as communicating and discussing things that are maybe uncomfortable for whatever reason. it's just what it is. >> stephen: sometimes it's uncomfortable to discuss anything. >> exactly. i'm uncomfortable right here
talking. >> stephen: i'll tell you what, let's not-- tell you what. i'm fine with silence. let's not talk for a minute. >> good idea. >tephen: let's just take a second here. hohon. do you want a drink? >> i got one, thanks. >> stephen: i got another one for you here. because jennifer lawrence, jennifer lawrence, when she was on the show the other night she said ask him the difference between a cold mateeny and an extremely cold martini. >> there is a difference. >> stephen: and like a sake martini. >> that, too. stephen: i have a a extrtrely cold one for you right here. ( laughter ) let's not talk for a second. ( laughter ) ( laughter ) >> okay. ( laughter )
fall off. laughter ) >> stephen: to silence. >> silence. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: that cold enough? >> it's good. >> stephen: to a lot of people you represent new york, you know. you are like an icon of the city itself. doesest bother you at all to, a lot of people in america now, donald trump represents new york? ( laughter ) because he does. he's kind of become new york for people. >> what do you think? ( laughter ) ( applause ) ( cheers ) >> stephen: we'll be right baba with robert de niro,
love smart solutions? try philips norelco shavers 72 rotating blades cutting hair growing in every direction. so you can be your best you. philips norelco save up to 50 dollars on philips norelco this year, give your family a gift you can't get from those other guys. hurry to t-mobile today and get four lines with up to six gigs each. just thihiy bucks a line. that's six gigs each, plus unlimited video streaming with binge on. stream netflix, slingtv, hulu, and more without using your data. and just in time for the holidays, unwrap the hottest samsung phones for a hundred bucks off and pay zero out the door. this weekend. only at t-mobile. if you could see your cough, it's just a cough. you'd see how often you cough all day and so would everyone else. new robitussin 12 hour delivers fast, powerful cough relief that lasts up to twelve hours. new robitussin 12 hour cough relief.
( laughter ) ( applause ) ( clears throat ) ( laughter ) >> stephen: so david o. one, r rht? >> yeah. >> stephen: yeah. >> yeah. >> stephen: i hear he yells lines out like, "try this line. try that line." >> yup. >> stephen: do you like that? >> i do, i do. >> stephen: say, "i love it." >> well, i love it-- ( laughter ) ( applause ) i don't-- i don't really love it. >> stephen: you don't love it, no? you know what? i believed you, though. you're that good of an actor. i really did. you have directed yourself. >> yes. >> stephen: you have worked with great directors and you're a director yourself. could you help me out, i started out as an a director. >> i did. >> stephen: back in the day. i would like to get some of that
de niro, ear de-neto-- magic. i'll come in, with an intention. >> all right, go ahead. >> stephen: i'm going to have an intention, and i'm going to tell you-- like i'm a doctor, and e've lost the patientn you're the family. and i come out, okay. ( clears throat." i'm sorry, we did everything we could. ( laughter ) >> so you're coming out to give us the bad news? >> >> stephen: i'm in the scrubs, the blood, everything, like this. >> so you came out as if you just told us that our hampster died. ( laughter ) and -- >> uh-huh. >> and maybe-- maybe you have a little more empathy for the family. >> stephen: is there a trick? is there an acting trick to get me-- because i want to get to the emotionality. >> it's a family member who passed away. >> stephen: yeah. >> you said, "i'm sorry, we did everything we could." it's like-- hello! >> stephen: i don't want to over-apologize. ( laughter ). >> but you have to show a little more empathy. >> stephen: okay, i'll try a little more. all right. ( laughter )
>> now you're over-acting. >> stephen: i haven't even started. i haven't even started acting yet. what are you talking about? give a guy a chance! i'm putting too much-- i'm putting too much jewelry on. i'm about to take one piece off before i go act let me try. let me try it again. all right, all right, all right. >> i'm listening. >> stephen: let me try it again. i'm sorry. i'm still saying the line. i'm still saying the line! >> that's better. >> stephen: better, okay. >> that's better. it's not great, but it's better. ( laughter ) >> stephen: do you want to try it? >> no, no, i'm not gonna-- i'm not -- >> give me a line reading. >> no, i'm not going to give you a line reading. >> stephen: all right, how about this one? how about the last one right there? >> go ahead. >> stephen: this is too santas too many. oh, by the way, it's from a movie called "three sant as." >> okay. >> stephen: okay? ( laughter ) and i'm-- i'm the real santa and
the two other guys who are pling santa with me, and those guys aren't the real santas. i'm the real one, and i'm trying to explain it's two sant as too many. >> so you're the real sapta. santa. >> who says you're the real santa. >> stephen: i say i'm the real santa. what do you mean, what's my back-story. i'm an eternal spiritual creature who brings happiness to children. s that's my backstory. >> who created
that. >> stephen: hocreated that? nobody created santa. he's a real person, robert. >> i know, but what story is this in? >> stephen: it's a film i'm working on. i'm writing this movie called "three santas." listen, you're either attached to the project or you're not. in or out. on the bus o off the bus, but the santa are leaving the station. >> got it. it. ( laughter ) so-- but you wrote this story. >> stephen: it's a treatment. i'm working on it right now. >> so your thing is you're many.
>> stephen: right. >> or this is santas too many. what are you saying? the other two sant as, what did they do? >> stephen: they are not real santas in this story. they are, like, department store santas, who end up accidentally getting on santa's slaig when it really lands in times square, and they go to the north pole. and now bececse their santa outfits are so great, they're confusing the elves. and mrs.-- mrs. clause can't tell which of us is theory person, and we end up wrestling and i go, "shoot them! i'm the real santa." again, we're still-- we're still work on it. ( laughter ). >> no, it sounds ghd. ( laughter ) ( applause ) it soundsood. bu- so you are saying that you're the-- you're the real sant. >> stephen: yeah. >> compared to those two santas. >> stephen: not real santas. >> and why is that? what gives you that extra -- >> why i am the real santa? >> yeah. >> stephen: i don't know how to explain this.
why are you the real robert de niro? >> well... >> stephen: i mean, there are fake robert de niros out there. ( cheers and applause ) have you ever-- i'll tell you what, i do a pretty good robert de niro. you have ever seen my robert de niro. >> no. >> stephen: see, i'm robert de niro. see, i run this town. >> good, nice. >> stephen: you like that? >> very good. >> stephen: people love that. everybody knows that's my de niro. >> okay, got it. i need another drink. ( laughter ) ( applause ) ( cheers ) "joy" is in theaters christmas day! the man is the great robert de niro, everyone. we'll be right back.
...and cars twice as efficient as the average car today. ideas exxonmobil scientists are working on to make energy go further... ...no matter how many tries it takes. energy lives here. uncle dan, what did you get us? for what? oh... you didn't get them anything, did you? yea. yea we didyea we did. look how happy your nieces are with my gifts! bought a million things, probably spent a fortune. no! it's all old navy, they're having a huge sale this weekend, everything is half priced. guess what, that's where we're on our way to! you're welcome. thank you for everything... you're very welcome... for the presents we're going to get you, at old navy. old navy was my idea! you're looking at my presents! we have a plan to get more presents! it's gonna make your head explode! you are lying! we'll do it online! we're gonna go get in line!
can studying happiness make you happy? if you're an expert on happiness? are you the happiest man in the world? and if not, are you not a fraud? ( laughter ). >> well, you can study physics and still obey the laws of gravity by falling down, so, no, i'm not the happiest person in the world. that would probably be my wife, i would think. >> stephen: because she's so damn lucky. >> you said it. >> stephen: so what-- by your definition-- and as you approach in this book-- what is happiness? because happiness is different for different people. >> it really isn't. happiness is a state produced by the human brain, like every emotion. it's the result of chemical interactions in your brain. everybody knows happiness when they feel it. when people ask me, what, is happiness?" they usually mean what causes happiness. everybody knows what it is. they just don't know how to get it. >> stephen: is happiness a worthy goal. is happiness the ultimate goal? >> of course,. >> stephen: why?
i think happiness is over-rated. there are sublime feelings they believe is superior to happiness. joy is not always the same as happinesss. you can have joy in your sadness to be with someone you love to share that moment and it can bring you joy. that's not the same thing as happiness. check mate. where's my harvard degree? ( laughter ). >> well, you basically just reiterated 2,000 years of philosophy in a very short amount of time. >> stephen: that's what i do, baby. >> and you do it well. but it didn't get us very far. in the last 20 years or so, scientists have gotten interested in the question of happiness-- psychologists, behavioral economists, cognitive neuroscientists. and they leave the definition of happiness to the person being studied. happiness is what you're experiencing when you say, "i'm happy." >> stephen: is there something people can do to make themselves happy? is there some simple thing, like, the simple cures they don't want you to know about. is there something you can do to sort of turn-- can we turn our average happiness up a little bit?
i assume there's a baseline for everyone. sometimes i'm sad, sometimes i'm happy but on a scale of 1 to 10 i'm usually a 6.5. is there a way to bring that up on average? >> there is a way. there are lots of ways. they're simple and you already know them. when people say, "what's the secret of happiness?" it's like asking, "what's the secret of losing weight." it's like the law of thermodynamics. you eat less. the things that make people happy are the simple things. but like dieting they need to do them religiously over a long period of time. >> stephen: give me a couple. >> it wouldn't surprise you spending more time with people you love makes people happier. instead, most people are dedicating a lot of their time to the pursuit of material wealth. they could take a little bit more of it with their kids and loved ones. it wouldn't surprise you thinking about what you're grateful for in life makes you happy. it wouldn't surprise you to take good care of your health makes you happy. you're going topaz out of boredom if i keep going. >> stephen: i won't. >> there aren't surprises here. >> stephen: what about pills? is there a pill i can take to
maix he membership? is there a shortcut i can take? >> i'm trying to understand why you want a shortcut, given how easy things are. >> stephen: i'm a busy man, sir. i need to be happy right now. i enjoy making people happy, and so professionally i need a little help. >> most people enjoying helping others. you buy coffee for the guy in back of you at starbucks next time, a miracle happens right in front of you. he gets awfully happy, you tell everybody about it. and it gives you a lot more happiness than an extra shot of espresso in your own. >> stephen: i'll try that next time. it will freak you out if it's stephen colbert doing that? >> yeah,h,e's not usually that nice. >> stephen: thank you, doctor. >> my pleasure. >> stephen: the man is daniel gilbert. the book is "stumbling on happiness."
( applause ) i know blowdrying fries my hair, but i'm never gonna stop. because now i've got pantene shampoo and conditioner the pro-v formula locks moisture inside my hair and the damage from 100 blow-dries is gone. pantene. strong is beautiful. alaska. finally. the search for brown bears begins. denali highway. low on gas. pit stop. fill up. double points. yep, that's cold. tired. day 2. coffee. eggs. double points. beautiful. majestic... nothing. where are you, bear? warm. warmer. warmer. yes. wherever the journey takes you, carry american express gold. it's more than a card.
what's this? a box. it takes worn out things and makes them better. it's our biggest breakthrough yet. we're taking worn out batteries and making them into something strong. energizer ecoadvanced. world's first long lasting battery made with 4% recycled batteries. still not feeling well? no...you know when i got sick my mom used to make me chicken noodle soup. aw, ok... you should call your mom. bye. campbell's chicken noodle soup. there when no one else is. campbell's. made for real, real life. starting thursday at kohl's buy more save more take an extra 15 or 20% off already great savings! like fine jewelry 60 to 70% off 15% off fragrance gift sets and 40 to 50% off star wars apparel, home and games!
>> it was an accident. my landlord thought i was robbing my open apartment. >> really? isn't your landlord, like, 90 years old? >> yeah. but she's spry. ( laughter ) >> stephen: please welcome henry rollins! ( cheers and applause ) hey, man, thanks for being here. i always think wherever henry rollins is, you give 100%. >> yeah. >> stephen: you're either all in or all out. >> yess. >> stephen: is it hard to keep that level of energy up all the time? >> yes. yeah. ( laughter ). >> stephen: how much energy are you expending just sitting still right now? >> i'm kind of nervous. so i'm -- >> oh, really. >> i'm charged up. >> stephen: you have done everything. you've written 25 books. you've been a rock star. you've hosted tv shows. what could possibly make you nervous?
it on national tv. myriad things. but i feel okay. >> stephen: let's see what happens. >> okay. >> stephen: let's roll the bones right now. this is your first starring role. everybody knows you from, like, you're an icon of punk rock. your work with black flag. this is how a lot of people remember you. can we see a shot of this. this is a shot of you in 1982 in berlin, again, just giving all. that looks extremely tiring. >> yeah, i mean, i always thought music should, for the singer at least-- for me-- should look like it sounds, look like it feels. the physicality should match the intensity of the motion, and the intensity of the band. and so when we would go out on the road, we were actually in really good shape. people thought we were, like, these burned out drug addicts when we were vegetarian, push-up-doing, chin-up. >> stephen: do you act like
shouty when you sing. you seem very quiet in the new movie. >> well, jack it's character in "he never died," he's been alive for hundreds of years. and he's clinically depressd and bored of people and not the biggest fan of them because he sees them repeat history over and over. >> stephen: so these a supernatural figure. >> yeah, and i won't say why he's not dead because it ruins the fun of the film. but he has become quite down on the human race because he's seen hundreds of years of war, meanness, cruelty, injustice, et cetera. so he lives in the dark, 15 hours of sleep a day, bad tv, bingo. and a daily trip to the -- >> bingo, like in the church basement bingo? >>xactly. he goes to a church for bingo because he can hang out with other people and they don't talk to him. he can be anonymous. because he has eternity to wrestle with. you and i have mortality. we're going to be out. >> stephen: speak for yourself, my friend. it will take more than death to take me down, all right.
but we have an urgency to our lives because there's a "use by" date. jack doesn't have that. and for the first 100 years -- >> you make me feel like a bipartisan of yogurt. >> eternity may have been cool for him, for the first hundred years, but 1100 years later he's really done with it. >> stephen: is he angry? >> he's resolved to a life of misery. and i read the script and laughed all throughout it, met the director and producer the next day. and i said it's violent and funny at the same time, i'm allowed to laugh here, here, here-- i marked all the funny parts. funny." we made the movie and i've been watching it at fest valz in the back watching people laugh at all the funny parts saying, "we did it! we did it! they're lawflg." >> stephen: you have struck are you still angry? >> yes! >> stephen: not at you. no, but i don't want to get in the blast zone. what makes you angry? >> anything where humans could do better, where they could
a sort of thing we should stop being, being angry. aren't you part of the problem, henry rollins? >> no, because my anger exwets me up, puts more visas in my passports, make me write more, and move around more. ( cheers and applause ) so, they're with me on this. >> stephen: you celebrate christmas? >> uh, no. but i'm not anti-christmas. i'not at war with christmas. ( laughter ). >> stephen: you're agnostic about christmas. >> i am a microwave solo act in my utilitarian man box in los angeles for christmas. food from the store goes into the microwave. i eat it. i listen to records and curse the darkness. that's basically it. >> stephen: that sound biblical. that sounds biblical, man. >> it's not a cry for help. i'm just fine. but usually by christmas i've been running around the world all year and i just want to catch my breath. i'm getting back to los angeles tomorrow. i'll be back on the road by the
31st for about a year, bouncing all over the globe speaking in about 25 countries. >> stephen: before you go, will you do a christmas carol with me? >> i'd love to. >> stephen: "he never died" open this friday, and stick around for a henry rollins christmas carol. we'll be right back. ( applause ) the best of everything is even better ring red lobster's ultimate seafood celebration. with jazzed up new dishes like the decadent grand seafood feast and the ultimate wood-grilled feast why wait to celebrate?
( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) a very rollins christmtm. >> hark how the bells, sweet silver bells all seem to say, throw cares away christmas is here bringing good cheer to young and old, meek and the bold ding, ding, ding, dong, that is their song with joyful ring all caroling one seems to hear
words of good cheer from everywhere filling the air >> oh, how they pound, raising the sound o'er hill and dale, telling their tale gaily they ring while people sing songs of good cheer, christmas is here >> merry, merry, merry, merry christmas merry, merry, merry, merry christmas on, on they send, on without end their joyful tone to every home >> hark how the bells, sweet silver bells all seem to say, throw cares away christmas is here bringing good cheer to young and old, meek and the bold ding, ding, ding, dong, that is their song with joyful ring all caroling one seems to hear words of good cheer from everywhere filling the air >> oh, how they pound, raising the sound o'er hill and dale, telling their tale gaily they ring while people sing songs of good cheer, christmas is here >> merry, merry, merry, merry christmas merry, merry, merry, merry christmas on, on they send, on without end their joyful tone