tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC September 1, 2016 10:35pm-11:38pm MDT
>> dicky: from hollywood -- it's "jimmy kimmel live." tonight, winona ryder, casey wilson, "this week in unnecessary censorship" and music from yg. and now, in the meantime, here's jimmy kimmel! ? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my name is jimmy. i'm the host. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. [ cheers and applause ] i'm glad you're in a good mood.
we have a holiday weekend on the way. the unofficial but emotional end of summer, labor day. the day on which here in l.a. we transition from 3/4length lululemons with mesh to full-length lululemons with no mesh at all. [ laughter ] i don't really have a plan for labor day. usually i just pack a bunch of beach stuff in my car and then sit on e5 for a few hours. [ laughter ] but i did have a good summer, though. i got a lot done. caught more pokemon this summer than any summer before in my life. [ cheers and applause ] one of them right over there. i got that one on the beach. [ laughter ] donald trump had quite a day yesterday. donald trump went to mexico to meet with the president of mexico. he softened his tone while he was in mexico city. first he was hard on immigration. then when he got to mexico he was soft again. then landed in arizona and all of a sudden he's hard again. this isn't an immigration
[ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] but still throughout his journey he maintains that he will build a wall. a beautiful wall. he keeps saying the wall will be beautiful. you know, there are some people who think we need to build a wall. i don't think anyone's requiring that it be beautiful. it seems like a simple basic wall maybe from ikea would do the trick. [ laughter ] once he got to phoenix, trump promised a detailed policy address. >> i'm going to deliver a detailed policy address on one of facing our country today, illegal immigration. >> jimmy: good. finally. some details. this is what we've been waiting for. okay. let's hear the details. >> day one, my first hour in office, those people are gone. >> jimmy: no further questions. [ laughter ] well, that's a hell of a plan. [ applause ] that's how siegfried and roy make things disappear. it's a two-step plan.
step two, all the illegalsre gone. [ laughter ] he also said there will be no amnesty for immigrants who come into this country illegally, which is very bad news for his next three wives. [ laughter ] immigration wasn't the only topic donald trump covered. he also made time to jab at what he calls out of touch media elites. >> only the out of touch media elites think the biggest problem facing american -- and you know this. you know this. this is what they tk facing american society today is that there are 11 million illegal immigrants who don't have legal status. and they also think the biggest thing, and you know this, is not nuclear, it's not isis, it's not russia, it's not china. it's global warming. >> jimmy: yeah, really. who cares about that? only a bunch of elitist
obama in the "new york times" demanding action on climate change. look at these left-wing nuts that signed these things. gradon carter, deepak chop wa, ben & jerry, martha stewart. donald j. trump. donald j. trump jr. eric f. trump. what? wait a minute. see, this is why we need donald trump. only he can stand up to the elitist liberals like donald trump. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] it does take a lot of confidence to be on both sides of an issue. by the way, i want to wish a happy birthday to dr. phil mcgraw, who turned 66 today. [ applause ] dr. phil is probably first of all, one of oprah's greatest gifts to us. and secondly, america's most aggressive therapist. and to honor him today, a local fourth-grader named malachi put together a special tribute to celebrate this special day. malachi?
>> howdy, y'all. i'm dr. phil. and today is my 66th birthday. i'm older than a butthole of a brontosaurus. my daddy is a cantaloupe. i was born in texas. i always said bather in a bowtie but you still can't marry it. it's true. don't poop on my head and tell me it's christmas. well, i've got to go punch dr. oz in the face. bye. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you so much. thanks, malachi. somebody -- all right.
you know, kids love dr. phil. they really do. instagram has a new feature. finally you can zoom in on photos on instagram by unpinching your finger. just when our parents learned that that didn't work. now it does. i'm going to miss yelling, you can't make it bigger at my mother. i really am. [ laughter ] we have a fun show for you tonight. donovan is here with us tonight on the show. [ cheers and applause ] we have some "stranger things" on netflix. how many ofou "stranger things" on netflix? [ cheers and applause ] winona ryder is here. from a new show called "one mississippi" on amazon casey wilson is here with us. and we have music tonight from yg. and not only is yg a big star in the world of hip-hop music, he is dipping a toe in the world of board games too. >> what up, everybody? it's yg. you like my music, you're going to love my new game for sure. >> introducing scrabble yg.
a fun and challenging twist on a classic word game everybody can love. >> there are so many ys and gs. how do you play this game? >> you dumb-[ bleep ] [ bleep ]. you can use y and g to spell thousands of words. like -- >> yyyygy. ygygyg. and everybody's favorite, gagygaga. >> those are not >> just shut the [ bleep ] and play. >> from the makers of snoops and ladders. >> what's this? >> nothing. >> available at walgreen's. >> jimmy: it's thursday night which means it's time to bleep and blur the big tv moments of the week whether they need it or not. it is "this week in unnecessary censorship." [ applause ] >> it is a great honor to be
a great, great honor. thank you. >> give me a break. this is a guy born with a silver spoon in his mouth that now he's choking on because his [ bleep ] is in his mouth. >> joining us from st. louis, author of the big black [ bleep ] kevin jackson. >> [ bleep ] amber. >> within the last hour we found out chris brown has been taken away from lapd headquarters and is in the process of being [ bleep ] in the men's county jail. >> what he did on the sideline friday night. ever since he took ata [ bleep ] [ bleep ] during the national anthem. >> [ bleep ] is helping heroin addicts get better. >> does your dog [ bleep ] you? >> my dog does. >> and that's a problem. >> every now and then i [ bleep ] [ bleep ]. >> happy is the man whose [ bleep ] is full of [ bleep ]. >> the don bosco prep football team cancels a scrimmage after an outbreak of the [ bleep ] [ bleep ] virus. >> i'd like to know if it's okay
>> oh, definitely. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right. we have to take a break. when we come back from the break, these mystery people you see on the screen behind me are the parents of a famous person. i do not know who that famous person is. but when we come back, i will try to guess and we'll all try to guess together. stick around. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ? ? sun shining softly through my window today ? alright, how's this for a tv show. sous che lawyer by day, prep-cook by night. also, his name is sous. no. sloppy joseph. a middle-aged man who's trying to get his life together, but he can't - he's to sloppy. huhhh - no! here you go. i got this. i get cash back so it's like everything's on sale.
you get cash back on purchases with no annual fee. everything's on sale! a home shopping show takes place on a sailboat. that's the one! banana boat dessert on me. look at you being all lactose tolerant. it's more than cash back. it's backed by the service and security of american express. poor mouth breather. it's morallergies?h back. stuffy nose? can't sleep? take that. a breathe right nasal strip instantly opens your nose up to 38% more than allergy medicine alone. shut your mouth and say goodnight, mouthbreathers.
the world's widest curved all-in-one. the new hp envy desktop. mommy, the cookies! they're ruined. the hp envy curved all-in-one with intel core i5 processor. hp. keep reinventing. did car company two years in a row? the most awarded oh wow. i'm surprised! chevy's coming out with some nice stuff. the design is great. i love it. number one in my book. and chevy is going to give you 0% financing for 72 months. that's 6 years of no interest. that's awesome. i know, right? if you only had 72 hours to get a great deal on this car, what would you do? can we sign with you? the chevy 72 hour sale is here. this labor day, get 0% financing for 72 months on all your favorite 2016 chevy models. hurry, the clock is ticking, get yours now. find new roads at your local chevy dealer.
isn't major medical enough? no! who's gonna' help cover the holes in their plans? aflac! like rising co-pays and deductibles... aflac! or help pay the mortgage? or child care? or help paflaaac!ortgage? and everyday expenses? aflac! learn about one day pay at aflac.com/boat blurlbrlblrlbr!!! assumed she could trust her liz assummade equal.sings were assume nothing. unlike some other guys, these kraft dressings have no artificial flavors no synthetic colors no wonder it tastes so good.
>> jimmy: that's donovan sitting in with the cletones. winona ryder, casey wilson and music from yg is all on the way. but first this will be fun. we're about to meet the mom and dad of a famous person. i don't know who the famous person is. our staff arranged this without my knowledge. i've been given no clues. nothing has been revealed to me. i didn't even know we had a show tonight. let's put it that way. [ laughter ] it's a guessing game. it's kind of like 20 questions. i don't have a limit on the questions. i get questions. last time we did this was with seth rogen's parents and i did not get it. i needed help from the band to figure it out. but anyway. here we go. it's time to do it. guillermo, you have three clues, right? >> that's right, jimmy. >> jimmy: do not give me the clues unless i call for and need them. do you know who the celebrity's parents -- who it is? >> yes, jimmy. >> jimmy: you do. all right. very good. let's fire up our big cisco screen, the wall of america. hello mystery parents.
[ applause ] i'm going to ask a series of yes or no questions, and you just tell me. all right? since i was so bad at this last time, there's going to be a few clues. okay? we'll start with is your -- is it your son? >> yes. >> jimmy: okay. we're looking at a male now. younger than 40 years old? >> no. >> no. >> jimmy: younger than 50 years old? >> yes. >> yes. >> jimmy: is your child a musician? >> no. >> jimmy: is your child an actor? >> yes. >> jimmy: oh, very good. is your child a television star? >> yes. >> jimmy: is your child also a movie star? >> yes. >> jimmy: okay. very good. is he in a movie that is in theaters right now? >> no. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay.
kid? >> yes. >> yes. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that one didn't really have a -- i just figured it would be embarrassing. oh, by the way, has your child embarrassed you publicly? >> yes. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: how do people react when you tell them who your son is? >> they faint. they >> the girls swoon. >> the girls swoon. the men -- >> jimmy: all right. the girls swoon, the men -- does he have any tattoos? >> yes. >> jimmy: is he considered to be a fashion icon? >> no. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: has he ever been on a reality show? >> yes. >> jimmy: oh, he has. wow. oh, boy. is he a comedy star?
for comedy? >> yes. >> jimmy: guillermo, do you have any guesses? oh, you know who it is. i guess you don't have any guesses. [ laughter ] has your son been on our show? >> yes. >> yes. >> jimmy: okay. is your son someone i know personally? >> yes. >> yes, you do. >> jimmy: okay. [ laughter ] are you in the south right now? >> yes. >> jimmy: are you in tennessee? >> yes. >> jimmy: i knoxville? >> yes. >> yes! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wow. look at that. yeah. oh, there he is. [ cheers and applause ] >> mom, they swoon? you went a little heavy with the swoon. >> jimmy: they're swooning, is
johnny, it looks like you're next to your parents but you are not next to your parents right now. >> no. i'm in los angeles right down the street from you. >> jimmy: well, you know -- oh, you are. okay. well, we should have brought you in here, i guess. but johnny, your parents said that you've embarrassed them in public. have they done anything to embarrass you that you can share with us? >> oh, my good -- well, my dad used to send letters from the vd clinic to all my friends saying i have a [ applause ] >> jimmy: wow. that's pretty bad. yeah. as far as pranks go. i see where you got it. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i'm so proud of myself right now. i'm flabbergasted. i hardly even know what to say. well, thank you guys. thanks to the whole clapp family. were you upset when johnny changed his name to knoxville? >> no. >> not at all.
ground me once. i was acting ugly on "jackass" and mom called and tried to ground me over the phone, jimmy. >> jimmy: how did that work? did you really try -- did you think you would be able to ground him as an adult over the telephone? >> certainly. >> sure. >> jimmy: i see. wow. >> it didn't work when he was a kid. so no. >> jimmy: johnny, i heard you'd had parents, but i really didn't believe it until now. thanks to all three of you for joining us. the mystery parents. [ applause ] thanks so much. wow. all right. we have a great show tonight. we have music from yg. johnny has vd. we have donovan sitting in with the cletones. and we'll be right back with winona ryder. so stick around. [ cheers and applause ]
? i'm just mad about ? >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by wix.com, the easy and freeway to create a stunning website. go to wix.com to build yours today! ? with this level of engineering... it's a performance machine. with this degree of intelligence... it's a supercomputer. with this grade of protection... it's a fortress. and with this standard of luxury...
lass. it's everything you need it to be...and more. mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. t-mobile's coverage is unstoppable, even at 30,000 feet. now get free go-go inflight wifi on your smartphone. lift off, power up, text it, browse it, work it. we got you covered. and we won't stop. >> jimmy: it may be a little awkward though. do you mind being the third
? mellow yellow ? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: donovan. we have a special day here over the weekend. saturday is donovan day in los angeles. are you excited about a donovan day? has there been a donovan day before, donovan? >> they're making a donovan day. >> jimmy: yeah, ty are. >> this weekend. for my sunshine superman song. >> jimmy: what does a donovan day entitle you to? will there be a parade? will you get the key to the city in will you get anything? >> it's the 50th anniversary of my song "sunshine superman" went to number one on the billboard charts, jimmy. >> jimmy: yeah. 50th anniversary. [ applause ] and you have the sunshine superman tour starts sunday in fairfield, iowa. >> that's right. >> jimmy: you'll be leaving on donovan day. that's donovan. he'll be here all night tonight. also from the new amazon show "one mississippi" casey wilson is here with us.
then this is his album. it's called "still brazy," yg from the samsung outdoor stage. [ applause ] next week on the show what a line-up we have next week. tom hanks, andy samberg, dr. phil, eddie murphy, lizzy caplan, pamela adlon, dave salmoni will bring wild animal friends. and we'll have music from desiigner, bastille, kaleo, and schoolboy q with e-40. that is all next week. join us for that. [ applause ] if you've noticed that all the christmas lights are sold out of your local stores already, it is probably because of our first guest. she's a two-time oscar nominee who stars in the wildly popular netflix series "stranger things." >> i need you to tell me what to do. what should i do? how do i get to you? how do i find you? what should i do?
[ cheers and applause ] it's great to have you here. >> thank you. it's great to be here. >> jimmy: you know, "stranger things" is a show that over the course of like a week 30 people said have you seen this show? have you seen and i was like, all right, i'll watch the show already. and then it's a great show and you understand why everybody's force feeding it on you. but i said, please call winona ryder and ask her if she will be on our show. >> aw. >> jimmy: so thank you for coming. [ cheers and applause ] >> thanks for having me. >> jimmy: did it hit you all at once like that, the sudden and intense popularity of the show? >> yeah. it was -- i mean, it was
i have a pretty good system. i'm not on the internet that much. but my parents are. and they forward me the good stuff. >> jimmy: oh, nice. >> they've always sort of been like that. and it's like, oh, you know, winona ryder gave a nice performance in this. but with this it was like different. >> jimmy: they're your buffers. they're your filters. >> yes. >> jimmy: that is nice. >> but it's been incredible. it's been an amazing, >> jimmy: it must be much bigger than you imagined it would be when you signed on to do the show. >> yeah. yeah. >> jimmy: it's pretty crazy. >> yeah. >> jimmy: do you have netflix yourself? >> yeah. >> jimmy: you do. >> and the day the show was coming out i got an e-mail from them saying it was -- the price was going up to $12.99. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. i got that. [ laughter ] >> and it's like there was an ad for the show with my face and it was like, but you have to get
i actually -- it's dangerous but great. >> jimmy: so you in a way are the face of the netflix price hike. [ laughter ] so this really, though, is the perfect show for somebody who's not that interested in the internet and going out and doing that sort of thing because it's set in 1983. it's about a group of kids. they have rabbit ears on their tvs and walkie-talkies and they ride those things -- what are those this bikes. yeah, bikes. [ laughter ] like kids used to ride back in the old days. >> oh, yeah. i had one. >> jimmy: but it seems silly to ask if it was a fun show to shoot. but you are shooting with a bunch of kids. but you really are crying and upset almost the whole series. >> yeah. pretty much the first five out of the eight episodes i'm pretty hysterical. as i think any parent would be. >> jimmy: for sure. yes.
>> jimmy: for sure. >> but you know, i'm -- so it was -- it's weird. it was a very fun shoot, but it was weird fun because i'm quite old school in my approach. >> jimmy: in what way? into being hysterical? >> well, i'm allergic to the stuff that they blow in actors' eyes sometimes when they're out of liquid in their -- like you have to really be hydrated to be able to cry >> jimmy: i see. >> but i kind of have to really cry -- >> jimmy: cry for real. >> yeah. so it was -- it was quite -- >> jimmy: hard, right? >> it was hard. it was quite hard. but it was rewarding. >> jimmy: yeah. for sure. yeah. how old were you when you made your first movie? >> i think i turned 13 on the set. >> jimmy: and what was the first movie you that made? >> "lucas." >> jimmy: oh, i remember that movie.
"lucas." i know, it's funny but you have to remember, people love these movies. and you're a kid when you see them and it makes an impression and that's what you take away. but would you go to auditions and that kind of thing? >> yeah. >> jimmy: you didn't live here, did you? >> we were -- i'm from the bay area. i still live up there. and so it was quite a trek to come to l.a. and go on auditions. but i -- so i kind of got a reputation as even though it was actually really because we just couldn't do the drive. >> jimmy: i see. you would drive down. >> yeah. >> jimmy: your parents would drive you down? >> yeah. i mean, but there was four of us. they wouldn't let me -- you can't do that. but then in hollywood they were like ooh, who is this girl? she's going on an audition and -- >> jimmy: i can't even imagine how much -- if my dad drove me from san francisco or wherever
get the part, how much he would yell at me on the way home. [ laughter ] >> yeah. they were great. they were kind of scared of -- >> jimmy: no. i'm saying your parents are great. it's my father that i'm talking about. [ laughter ] >> have you ever had a regular -- a non-acting job, like just a regular job? >> jimmy: i mean, i baby-sat. but no. and that's something that often -- well, at certain times in my life when i thought, well, maybe this isn't -- not what i -- maybe this isn't going to happen for me anymore. you know, i kind of had my ride. i sort of thought what skills do i have. and i thought, well, maybe i could be like a professional bystander. or something.
that maybe was there. oh, i saw -- you know, i saw as many as ten or as few as zero suspects. and five to six -- i don't know. >> jimmy: i don't think the pay is great for that gig. you should try to work your way into a newscast. that would be great. >> i really don't -- i don't know what skills i -- >> jimmy: when you baby sat, were you already famous at the time? >> i mean, i don't really know -- >> jimmy: so the baby-sitter shows up and it's you? >> when i was about 14, i went with my friend to babysit these kids, and i didn't know whose kids they were.
they were little. and in walks tom waites, who's like my hero. they were tom waites' kids. i remember he was doing a play at the time, and he didn't -- like he didn't have the 20 bucks. so he gave me a t-shirt from "frank's wild years." which that was -- >> jimmy: that was your pay, a t-shirt? >> yeah. and i was thrilled. literally, i complete -- i couldn't speak. i was like -- but yeah. >> jimmy: well, congratulions on the show. it's great to great job on the show. and there's going to be a second season of "stranger things." >> yeah. [ applause ] >> jimmy: that's going to be great. "stranger things 2" is coming to netflix. subscribe to netflix now. winona ryder, everybody. we'll be right back. [ applause ] ? to those who don't run from mud...but through it. who know it wasn't a day at the beach...
gearheads... and those with green thumbs. to the sticky... the stinky... even those who get a little icky. to all the beautiful mess makers, keep it up... with delta in2ition plus h2okinetic, you can. see what delta can do. every day starts better with a healthy smile. start yours with philips sonicare,
philips sonicare flexcare platinum removes significantly more plaque. this is the sound of sonic technology cleaning deep between teeth. hear the difference? get healthier gums in just 2 weeks vs a manual toothbrush and experience an amazing feel of clean. innovation and you. philips sonicare. save now when you buy philips sonicare.
? ? ? ? heart rate one fifty six. ? ? i tried hard to quit smoking. but when we brought our daughter home, that was it. now i have nicoderm cq. the nicoderm cq patch with unique extended release technology helps prevent your urge to smoke all day. it's the best thing that ever happened to me. evy great why needs a great how. i had that dream again -- that i was on the icelandic game show. and everyone knows me for discounts,
oh, it's like my father always told me -- "put that down. that's expensive." of course i save people an average of nearly $600, but who's gonna save me? [ voice breaking ] and that's when i realized... i'm allergic to wasabi. well, i feel better. it's been five minutes. talk about progress. [ chuckles ] okay. [ school bell ringing] talk about progress. [ chuckles ] we were learning about how talented the ancient greeks were, and suddenly i traveled back in time! or an athlete! i could have even been an architect! then i realized, i don't have to go back in time to do amazing things. i can start today.
>> aye, aye, aye. my new gourmet fro-yo shop senor soft serve is a disaster. >> don't worry. all this place needs is a good website. >> we do have a good website. [ laughter ] >> that's terrible. you need wix.com. >> what the hell is wix.com? >> wix.com. it's the biggest do-it-yourself website builder in the world. and with their artificial desig >> you mean a.d.i.? >> wix.com's a.d.i. you can make stunning websites without having to worry about design. so it's faster and more fun. plus it's free. >> okay. i will try it. i like things that are free. now quiet. i'm going to build my website. okay? ? >> ha, ha, ha, ha! i'm doing it, wow! and here we go.
>> thank you. thank you for coming. the new website that i made with wix.com worked great. you're fired. >> wait. why am i fired? >> you're not wearing pants. >> see you at home. >> dicky: experience wix artificial intelligence i action. go to wix.com today and create your stunning website for free. >> jimmy: we'll be right back with casey wilson. [ applause ]
hey, it's been crazy with school being back- so we're constantly going over our data limit. oh, well, now - all of our new plans come with no data overages. wow, no more overages? so that means... go on...say it... we'll finally be in control... and we're back... introducing new at&t plans with no data overage charges. ?
nope. ? a "how do i retire at 50" side. ? hang in there, dan. ? "sure, you can keep the kitty" side. ? ? that's why there's nationwide, ? ? helping to grow and protect your many sides. ? ? nationwide is on your side. ? crabfest is on at red lobster so come dive into dishes like the new alaska bairdi crab dinner or try crab lover's dream with tender snow and king crab legs love crab?
if you have moderate to severe rheumatoid arthritis, doctor about your medication... this is humira. this is humira helping to relieve my pain and protect my joints from further damage. this is humira helping me go further. humira works for many adults. it targets and helps to block a specific source of inflammation doctors have been prescribing humira for over 13 years. humira can lower your ability to fight infections, including tuberculosis. serious, sometimes fatal infections and cancers, including lymphoma, have happened, as have blood, liver and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions, and new or worsening heart failure. before treatment, get tested for tb. tell your doctor if you've been to areas where certain fungal infections are common, and if you've had tb, hepatitis b, are prone to infections,
don't start humira if you have an infection. ready for a new chapter? talk to your rheumatologist. this is humira at work. it's the final days of the ford freedom sales event... and the deals just got better. ? i'm free to do what i want and have a good time. ? just announced! 0% financing plus $500 labor day cash across the entire 2016 ford lineup. and specially tagged vehicles get an extra $1000 smart bonus cash. freedom from interest... and freedom to choose with ford. america's best-selling brand. hurry. get 0% for 72 and $500 labor day cash across the entire ford lineup. plus specially tagged vehicles get another $1000
[ cheers and applause ] thank you for coming. i heard you had to go to the dentist ts morning. >> i did. i had a procedure. and my dentist requested that i go under anesthesia for it. >> jimmy: oh. did you know you were going to go under anesthesia for it? >> i did. he said simply i won't treat you if you are conscious. >> jimmy: why? >> because i'm a nervous patient crying. and so it's odd for your dentist to say to you like if you're here i can't be here. >> jimmy: okay. really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: that's pretty crazy. >> so that was this morning. i'm not 100%. >> jimmy: well, no. were you worried -- >> i'm 99. >> jimmy: -- that you would carry -- the anesthesia would carry over into your appearance tonight on the show? >> or i would die. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: or you would die, yeah. >> but i made it. >> jimmy: you didn't die. here you are. [ cheers and applause ]
no, no. i wasn't worried. but it's odd. the anesthesiologist offered me a diaper right before, which i thought was sweet. >> jimmy: no way. for real? >> he's like you should go to the bathroom and he pulled out this depends diaper and he goes, you want? i was like, i think i'll try to hold on to my faculties. >> jimmy: yeah, really. boy, that's a terrible way for them to present it because then even if you do want it you can't really say yeah, i'd love to -- they just put it in a bathroom. >> and if you end up needing it >> jimmy: yeah. >> but i'm proud to report i held myself together. >> jimmy: all right. well, good. you had great foresight. and i want to thank you in advance for doing this. i've not seen this yet but i understand you made a video while under anesthesia to bring here -- >> well, i had been roused. it was right after the procedure. >> jimmy: okay. right after. >> i'm diaperless. >> jimmy: you're still under anesthesia, yes? >> yes, yes.
is this a diaperless video? good to know. >> i don't think so. this is right after the procedure. i just wanted to say hi to everyone. >> jimmy: here we go. >> hey, jimmy. pleasure to be here. [ laughter ] i just had what some people would call an oral surgery, but in reality was a few run-of-the-mill dental procedures that the dentist refused to treat me for so they put me under. and i had a nice vacation. i was looking forward to it. feeling good. feeling happy to be out of my oral surgery and excited to be on national television. hoping it -- excuseme. hoeng it goes well. i don't feel camera ready right now. but i will. you're a nice man. [ laughter ]
i'm a man. but thank you. [ applause ] so other than the tooth problems was it a good summer? did you enjoy it? >> i did. my brother got married two weeks ago. >> jimmy: oh, he did. were you in the wedding? >> i was a bridesmaid. it was really fun. my brother is not in entertainment. he's a medical device engineer and has a real job and is a serious person, i would say. but he took his wedding as his opportunity >> jimmy: what did he do? >> he was a groomzilla first of all. >> jimmy: in what way? >> his wife's a doctor. she has dignity. she's not your typical bride fighting tooth and nail. but he was like picking flowers and doing everything -- >> jimmy: what? >> and at the wedding they did a dance. and you know couples will dance and everybody's like ha, ha, it's so funny. their dance was so sexual. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: really? >> like i wish i was under anz anesthesia. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: wow.
at one point she's seated in a chair. and this is with my dear friends and family and some elders gathered. he sits her down in a chair like pushes her into a chair, like almost like a kick. and this is my brother. and he's like moving around her and everyone was just like -- and my mom's best friend who's like this sweet southern woman, she goes, "casey, i've got a better idea of how they connect. ." they connect on a sexual level. and they reprised it later in the night which everyone was again. >> jimmy: so once they had a few drinks, then they decided to go for another round. >> to kick it up a notch. yeah. >> jimmy: did anybody make a crazy toast, like the best man or anything like that? >> the best man was my father. so yes. >> jimmy: all right. >> and my father, god love him, he's a political consultant, a businessman, but he decided to debut a spray tan. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, really? had he ever done that before? >> no. >> jimmy: no. >> he looked -- with love.
like an oompah-loompah. >> jimmy: oh, he did. >> and people were like, "paul!" when they saw him. and everybody was asking because they couldn't even conceive that he had gotten a spray tan. so they were like, "were you at the beach?" and he was just like, i got a spray tan. >> jimmy: was he embarrassed? >> no. >> jimmy: oh, he doesn't -- is he one of the guys who embarrasses others rather than get embarrassed himself? >> you know, he says his humor is for himself and not for anyone else. >> jimmy: okay. >> but no one's laughing. >> jimmy: i guess. >> he had previously gotten a perm. so we're used to this behavior. >> jimmy: he got a perm? >> mm-hmm. >> jimmy: did he ask anybody before he went to get the perm? >> no, he did not. >> jimmy: he did not. and what year was this that he decided to get a perm? >> not long ago, jimmy. it was about five years ago. and in his defense -- my mom had passed away. i could tell he was in a spot. talk about stranger things. like he brought in a bill of
literally gave the hair person the bill like you or i might do for like give me a jennifer aniston. >> jimmy: no. and he said he wanted an andrew jackson? >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you could sue the guy who agreed to do that to him, couldn't you? >> i want to sue my father. everyone involved. >> jimmy: i want to look like money. >> the haircut, the front desk woman, anyone who was present for that. >> jimmy: i didn't know they were still giving perms. that was done. >> no, he sent us like hot rollers, tight curls. >> jimmy: oh, boy. >> under the gauze and under the thing. >> jimmy: is he a drinker, your father? >> mm-hmm. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay. wow. by the way, i saw your show "one mississippi." it's a really, really good show. i mean, it's very -- i didn't expect it to be so emotional. and it's sad and very funny at the same time. it's you and tig notaro.
notaro's life. and she's an absolute genius. just the funniest -- >> jimmy: i know tig very well. >> you're name checked in the first episode. >> jimmy: well, maybe the second episode. >> oh, second. i'm sorry. >> jimmy: i scan all the episodes to see if i'm mentioned. [ laughter ] >> you have a machine that just like reads -- >> jimmy: congratulations on the show. all the episodes come out september 9th on amazon. it's called "one mississippi." casey wilson, everybody. we'll be right back ? >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel
little help from kamaiyah, yg! [ cheers and applause ] ? ? oh ? ? oh ? ? l.a. ? ? if you know the words sing it ? ? all up in my face you not from the clique give me space we might rob your ? ? most hate it baby they don't love the clique i thought they love you when ? you make it this some other is yeah yeah yeah this some other is friends and business ? ? don't mix so i'm brotherless tryna get back close hit 'em with the stiff ? ? gears i shift make sure they feel the drift just copped the benzo with the tint ? ? you should know cause in every song i said this is in every song i said this is i'm just proud of ? ? my accomplishments i'm a 4hunnid i don't care at all have her ? ? heard you talkin' 'bout i'm real i'm fraud your kids and broad they straight ? ? you shouldn't care at all please please tell me why you always hatin' ? ? why you hatin' please tell me why you always hatin'
? you always hatin' why you hatin' please tell me why you always hatin' ? ? please please tell me why you always hatin' why you hatin' please tell me why ? ? you always hatin' please - please tell me why you always hatin' why you hatin' ? ? please tell me why you always hatin' ? you know my life still brazy ? ? ? brazy ? ? my life, my life, my life ? ? brazy ? ? my life, my life, my life ? ? brazy ? ? my life, my life, my life ? ? brazy ?
this is "nightline." >> tonight, the giant troll. he's the world's most infamous internet agitator, spewing sexism at celebrities like amy schumer and leslie jones, inspiring hate online. so why is this bully casting himself as the hero? >> america needs more people to tell the truth these days. >> what finally got him banned from twitter. and -- ? give it to me i'm worth it ? >> even in the face of online abuse, being a celebrity is still worth it. a fifth harmony singer and olympic gymnast gabby douglas triumphed over their internet insults. and one writer comes face to face with his troll. plus, a little taste of a massive new youtube trend. tiny food cooked in tiny pans