tv Late Night With Jimmy Fallon NBC July 19, 2010 11:35pm-12:35am PST
>> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center, the national broadcasting company presents -- tonight's guests are -- and featuring the legendary roots crew. and here he is -- jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
you guys doing good? welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon, everybody." welcome. let's get right to the news here. well, more problems with the oil spill. yeah, apparently, now there's some seeping around the well. but bp executive doug suttles said that is company was, "not seeing any problems with the containment cap." yeah, it's probably hard to see anything with all that oil in the way. [ laughter ] can't see anything. [ laughter ] "oil, yeah. what am i supposed to see?" this is pretty cool. stars of some of the biggest broadway musicals performed at the white house tonight, but it was obama who stole the show with his rendition of "promises, promises, promises, promises, and more promises." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] the obamas invited broadway
stars to perform at the white house. unfortunately, things got a little awkward when barack told one lady how great she was in "wicked" and then realized it was just pelosi. [ laughter ] just awkward. that's awkward. i don't know -- that's got to be -- yeah, it makes for a long night. i don't even know what to make of this, bristol palin wants levi johnston to wear a camouflage vest at their wedding next month. [ light laughter ] when she heard that, sarah palin was like, "that's fine, i wasn't planning on aiming that high anyway." [ laughter and applause ] this is exciting. malia obama is about to go to summer camp for the first time. you could tell that michelle picked out the camp. whenever they make s'mores, they just melt zucchini in between two wheat thins. [ laughter ] it's delicious. can you imagine that? you're a 10-year-old boy trying to sneak over to the girl's camp, and you get taken down by navy s.e.a.l.s. [ laughter ]
"panty raid! oh, my gosh!" [ laughter ] speaking of camp, i just read about a summer camp in south korea where parents send their kids to learn discipline. the camp is called north korea. [ laughter ] interesting. [ applause ] listen to this, chicago's museum of science and industry is paying a person $10,000 to live there for 30 days. the museum calls it a study in human behavior, while jon gosselin calls it, "the break i've been waiting for. [ laughter ] where do i sign up? sleeping bag?" hey, congratulations to south african golfer louis oosthuizen, who won the british open yesterday by seven strokes. [ applause ] afterwards, oosthuizen was like, "i'm a little surprised. i mean, i've never even heard of me." [ laughter ]
check this out, a new study found that women are at their most beautiful when they are 31. it doesn't really tell us much except how old the researcher's wife is. [ laughter ] "you're the most beautiful right now, honey. i have scientific proof to prove it! [ laughter ] you are the most beautiful." >> steve: "next year? oops, now more data. it's actually 32." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "brand new data." that's right, new research found that women are at their most beautiful when they are 31. roman polanski was like, "i think you have that backwards." [ audience groans ] i know, why would he say that? why would he say that? >> steve: he just said that. you're just quoting him. >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: unbelievable, that guy. this is pretty crazy. an amish man was arrested this weekend for leading police on a
mile-long chase with his horse and buggy. [ laughter ] that's right. yeah, his name is old jebediah, but his friends just call him o.j. [ laughter ] [ applause ] yeah, that was all right. there you go. sorry about that. sorry, buddy. there you go. "old jebediah." >> steve: thou must acquit. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: hey, you guys, facebook is expected to reach 500 million users sometime this week, which, of course, is great news for america's fake farming industry. [ light laughter ] i'm happy you got that. that makes me happy. [ light laughter ]
did you hear this? it's rumored that mel gibson may permanently move to australia, which, of course -- [ applause ] which, of course, raises the question when you flush a career down the toilet there, does it go in the opposite direction? [ laughter and applause ] no? and finally, there's a new company in switzerland that will send a bike messenger to your house with condoms whenever you need some. [ scattered cheers ] call me crazy, but i'm not sure you should trust a condom from the country that brought us swiss cheese. [ laughter ] [ audience groans ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show. give it up for the roots! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] thank you so much. you guys, we have a fun show tonight. one of my favorite people, he's got a new show coming up on comedy central, my old pal horatio sanz is here. [ cheers and applause ] he's such a funny dude. i love him. and we've got music from legendary jam band
widespread panic tonight. [ cheers and applause ] it's going to be great. is anyone here on twitter? [ scattered cheers ] several people on twitter. it's a fun thing to do. i have fun with it. a lot of times on twitter, they have these lists that get started where people tweet out topics with a pound sign in front of them. on twitter they call it a hashtag. stuff like "#what not to do in a first date," or "#remember second grade." and then everyone responds to them and gives them their two cents about what not to do on a first date or a funny memory about second grade. it's cool. it's fun. now, on friday, we tried something a little different. during our show, i went on twitter and i started a hashtag called "why don't they make that?" and i asked you guys at home to tweet up some ideas for some things that you wished existed. for example, i tweeted out, "edible wallpaper made out of fruit roll-ups." [ light laughter ] why don't they make that? anyway, you guys turned in thousands of tweets. i was watching them come in over the weekend. they were all great. some really made me laugh and some really made me think.
so, tonight, i thought i'd share some of my favorite "why don't they make that?" tweets from you guys. it's time "late night hashtag." ♪ hashtag late night hashtag ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right. this first "why don't they make that" is in t.s. dennison. and they want to see, "hey, jimmy fallon, how about eyebrow toupees?" [ light laughter ] it's a great idea, if you have no eyebrows or want different ones. @hicats wants to see wine in pouches like capri sun for grownups. [ laughter ] that's a pretty good idea. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: never thought of that. >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: they have got to make it. >> jimmy: got to make that straw easier to go through, because that never worked for me. i always hated that. @shaunrawlings wants to see a rubber hand on the end of a ten foot pole so you can spank bicyclists when you drive by them. [ laughter ]
why would you -- why are you spanking bicyclists? [ laughter ] why would you -- that might be fun, i don't know. geoidavs wants to see miniature elephants. "that'd be rad, way cooler than my stupid cat that i sometimes pretend is a miniature elephant." [ laughter ] i want to go party at her house, yes. [ laughter ] or his house, yeah. why do you pretend your cat is an elephant? [ light laughter ] poor cat. so fun. this next one, jme babineau, he wants to see a male version of hooters called bulges. [ laughter ] the ladies love it. the ladies love it. [ cheers and applause ] this next one is and interesting one. this is from ian muli.
he wants to see ice cubes, but for heating things. [ light laughter ] a heat cube that you put in soup or something or hot cocoa or regular cocoa and it heats up. yeah, like chocolate milk, you put the heat cube in. >> steve: a radioactive isotope in there, heating it up. >> jimmy: that's pretty good. maybe not. i don't know. maybe it's not good. this next one is kevin micalievor. he wantto see a button on his hands so that every time he fist bumps someone it says "falcon punch." [ laughter ] is that something people say? >> steve: i don't know, but i'd like to start it. >> jimmy: yeah, it's pretty cool. >> steve: "falcon punch." >> jimmy: why does it have to be that deep? >> steve: it has to be that deep for a falcon punch. >> jimmy: do it again. >> steve: "falcon punch." [ laughter ] that sounds manly, you know what i mean? and then maybe steel hitting steel, "falcon punch." [ laughter ]
>> jimmy: this next one is from @mattneed. he wants to see breathalyzer that attaches to your phone to prevent drunk texting. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] they should have that. "i love you." >> steve: that's send. >> jimmy: "love me, best forever." [ light laughter ] john wyatt 1 wants to see a shirt made out of potato chips so can you eat it if hungry when watching "family feud." [ laughter ] why "family feud"? >> steve: that's very specific. >> jimmy: very specific. >> steve: yeah. maybe he has a different snack for a different show. maybe he wants bugles. matth660 wants to see the new kfc all-in, the bucket of deep a fried chicken except the bucket is made of bacon surrounded by more chicken. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i have a bad feeling that's already been tested somewhere.
>> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: yeah. this last one here is from oneeyedkgz. they would like to see a 41-ounce bottle for beer, so that you can pour some out for the homies and still have a full 40 left. [ laughter ] very nice. there you have it. tonight's "late night hashtags." check out all of them. go on twitter and search #why don't they make that. we'll be right back with "freestylin' with the roots." come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ you know, every time i think about you, baby ♪ ♪ it's like a movie in my head that drives me crazy ♪ [ male announcer ] put a refreshing spin on your summer. bud light lime. the just right taste of bud light with a refreshing splash of 100% natural lime flavor. one taste and you'll find, the good time lime. bud light lime. ♪ daydreaming again
pass a breadstick to your favorite uncle. ohhhh!!! ohhhh!!! we had a ball. announcer: try our new parmesan polenta crusted dishes. with chicken breasts. or steak medallions. both with our 4 cheese ravioli in creamy alfredo. at olive garden. bgecko: ah, thank you,n isir. as we all know, geico has been saving people money on rv, camper and trailer insurance... ...as well as motorcycle insurance... oh...sorry, technical difficulties.
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. and thank you so much for watching. our show is lucky to have the greatest band in late night, the roots, right over there. [ cheers and applause ] but it isn't all fun and games here. from time to time, we put the roots to the test. we pick people from our audience, random people, and have the roots make up songs about them on the spot. it's time for "freestylin' with the roots." ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
>> jimmy: you guys ready to do this? >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: all right, very good. let's pick someone. raise your hand if you want the roots to write a song about you. right here, sir. all right, stand up. here you go. how you doing, buddy? >> good, you? >> jimmy: what is your name? >> marco. >> jimmy: marco? >> polo. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: marco. where are you from, marco? >> dublin, ohio. >> jimmy: dublin, ohio. is that an irish town? >> yeah, i think so. i don't know. >> jimmy: dublin, ohio, very cool. what is the best book you've ever read? >> i don't like reading books. [ laughter ] i read sports websites, but that's about it. >> jimmy: sports websites? [ laughter ] think of a book, any book! you never read a book? >> "to kill a mockingbird." >> jimmy: "to kill a mockingbird." did you ever read that?
oh, you did? yeah, yeah. all right, roots, we have marco here from dublin, ohio. he's going to spend the book re-reading his favorite book, "to kill a mockingbird." [ light laughter ] now, for this first one, we have widespread panic on the show tonight, one of the most famous jam bands. so, can you guys do it in the style of a jam band? come on. [ laughter ] kirk? ♪ ♪ marco polo wears brown shoes and sometimes he wears black ♪ ♪ now i've heard of dublin, ireland but dublin, ohio? where's that? ♪ ♪ and then it came to the part where asked what's the best thing he ever read ♪ ♪ but he said it was sports articles and then "to kill a mockingbird" instead ♪ ♪ so i said apple juice, pumpkin pie
if you're not ready just holler ♪ ♪ i say we're going to fly away ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: who wants one? who wants one? come on. very, very good. here you go. what is your name? >> amber. >> jimmy: amber, very good. amber. and who is your best friend growing up? >> probably my sister, jody. >> jimmy: all right, that's very nice. your sister jody. and did jody have any nicknames for you? >> ambie. >> jimmy: ambie. ah, like bambie. [ laughter ] it's very cute. all right. so, you guys, we have ambie here, amber, actually. she's spent a lot of time with her sister, jody. that's her best friend. and she used to call her ambie. that was her nickname, okay? for this one, i was thinking, can you to it in the style of bluegrass?
[ laughter ] ♪ ♪ well, i met a girl out in the audience and amber was her name ♪ ♪ she said her sister jody was her bff and i'm sure she felt the same ♪ ♪ and she didn't like for you to call her things like buddy, pal or sport ♪ ♪ she said if you're going to call me a nickname you better call me ambie for short ♪ ♪ ambie for short ambie for short ambie for short ambie for short ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: amber, thank you so much. i appreciate it. thank you. how you doing? i'm going to go down this way. sorry. how you doing?
how's it going? what's up, guys? how are you? how you doing? sorry, excuse me. all right. don't move, please. just sit. sit there and do nothing. [ laughter ] that's all right. how you doing? nice chain on your wallet there. is that on your belt? >> yeah. >> jimmy: people try to rip your belt off? must be tough leaving the house. how you doing, man? i'm just going to go over here. all right, this is embarrassing. sorry. let me go. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] thank you for the help. who wants a song written about them, huh? over here. come on up. here we go. very, very nice. here we go. >> okay. >> jimmy: okay. very, very good. what is your name? >> deb. >> jimmy: deb. okay, deb. >> mm-hmm. >> jimmy: thank you for the help over there. i appreciate that. [ laughter ] deb, if you could be a superstar in any sport, what would it be? >> oh, wow! baseball. >> jimmy: baseball. you love baseball?
>> i love baseball. >> jimmy: and what team would you play for? >> the cardinals. >> jimmy: the cardinals, of course! the st. louis cardinals? >> yes, the st. louis cardinals. >> jimmy: very good, the cardinals. very, very good. what position, anything? >> oh! catcher. >> jimmy: you can do whatever you want. >> catcher is good. >> jimmy: okay, good. >> yeah, i'll go with that. >> jimmy: all right, you guys, we have our friend deb here, who wishes that she could be a professional baseball player. and play for the st. louis cardinals! come on! [ scattered applause ] guys, for this one, can you guys do it in the style of gospel? >> yes! this is perfect. >> jimmy: yeah, james can do it. ♪ >> jimmy: this is great. ♪ ladies and gentlemen i have a good friend in the audience tonight her name is deb ♪ ♪ is deb is short for is deb short for debby or debrorah? ♪ >> deborah. ♪ deborah, we're going to sing a song ♪ ♪ deborah deborah
deborah deborah ♪ ♪ i know the blind can't see if you would be a superstar in any sport ♪ ♪ i know baseball is what it would be ♪ ♪ deborah deborah deborah deborah ♪ ♪ for the cardinals in st. louis ♪ ♪ the victory is ours because i find my victory in you ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thanks to my audience, and thanks to the roots. we'll be right back with horatio sanz, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ host ] it's the fusion proglide challenge.
whoo! what's up? not too much. how's your shave? you can feel it pulling... the -- the stubble. see how shaving can cause irritating tug and pull? [ male announcer ] that's why gillette's introducing the revolutionary new fusion proglide. wow... it's like it's gliding down, you know. [ male announcer ] now, fusion proglide has been engineered with gillette's thinnest blades ever so it glides for less tug and pull. you takin' the glide back? no man, this is mine, you got to get your own. [ male announcer ] turns shaving into gliding. and skeptics into believers. new fusion proglide. lcan feel like a jungle of ifs. to steer clear of the confusion, go to metlife.com. you'll get straight answers. like how much you need and how much it costs. so you can make the best decision for your family. go to metlife.com today. well we're out here in case anybody forgets to bring some mike's hard lemonade in there. there should be more to a party than just beer. why? for one mike's is a great way to switch things up from beer.
and two, cheryl over there doesn't even drink beer. really? [ steve ] yeah. thanks. who's cheryl? i have no idea. she just looks like a cheryl. yo cheryl! [ male announcer ] don't forget the mike's. lemonade for grownups. best deal this side of sunrise, so come in and we'll make yours! get a western egg white muffin melt and a 16-ounce cup of freshly brewed seattle's best coffee. just $2.50. build your better breakfast today at subway! [ male announcer ] this, our newest son, was imagined, drawn, carved, stamped, hewn, and forged here in america. it is well made, and it is designed to work. ♪ this was once a country where people made things... ♪ ...beautiful things, and so it is again. ♪ the new jeep grand cherokee.
>> jimmy: very, very nice. our first guest is one of my favorite people in the world. he's got a new show debuting on comedy central in august called "big lake." give it up for my buddy, the hilarious, horatio sanz, everybody. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: horatio sanz. nice to see you, my friend. >> nice to see you, jimmy. how are you? >> jimmy: thanks for coming back to the show. >> thank you, my pleasure. >> jimmy: last time you were here, you dove in a giant bloody mary on our set. >> i did. >> jimmy: yeah. >> you were lowered into a big bloody mary. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and it really looked like a lot of fun. [ light laughter ] so i decided to jump in. >> jimmy: yeah.
>> beforehand, i had to do this bit about being one of the ricola guys. >> jimmy: yeah. thank you for doing that. >> thank you. [ laughter ] it didn't go very well. i don't think people knew who i was. they were like, "this isn't funny. it's just a guy who is kind of fat with a beard." >> jimmy: it worked. >> well, it worked. all right, but then -- so i had all this clothes on. so, you know, schumacher, the producer, is like, "you want to jump in?" and i'm like, "yeah. yeah, do i want to jump in." and i figured i'm not wearing my clothes, so i don't have my cellphone or my clothes. the only thing that i was wearing that was mine was my underwear. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and, you know, i can go freestyle, if i have to. you know that. >> jimmy: i don't think that's what they call it. >> yeah, freestyle. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: they don't call it freestyling at all. >> so i jumped in it and it was freezing, but it was great and i loved it. >> jimmy: why did they have to put ice cubes in -- because we made the world's largest bloody mary.
>> yeah. >> jimmy: you don't need ice cubes. it's just for play, but it was real vodka and ice. that was a real bloody mary. we have a clip of you jumping in. >> let's watch that. [ applause ] >> jimmy: thank you so much. my thanks to lucy liu, gene simmons and -- [ laughter ] horatio sanz. i love it. the universal record database. [ applause ] >> jimmy: it was so cold. wasn't it cold? >> it was cold. i was immediately like, "oh!" >> jimmy: freezing. it's like, "yeah, this was kind of funny a second ago and now --" [ light laughter ] you just got invited to a very prestigious event. you want to tell the folks at home. >> yeah, i've been invited to attend the reunion of all the winners of the stoney awards presented by "high times." >> jimmy: "high times" magazine. >> to the greatest stoners of the year. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that is so amazing, so exciting. that's great.
>> the year i won i beat out pauly shore and chappelle. so, i mean, it was really good competition. >> jimmy: we have a picture of you with the award. [ laughter ] that is the award. >> you get a bong that you can use, if you want. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and i had it in the office for a long time. i think you remember that i had it prominently displayed. >> jimmy: it was very exciting. we did a sketch called "jarred's room" on "saturday night live," where were you this like kind of -- kind of widespread panic fan, really. >> yeah. >> jimmy: were you a big phish head. a big stoner. a big pothead, yeah. >> and i think that's why i won it because i think it's promoting the goodness of being a pothead. >> jimmy: and how fun it is, yeah. >> yeah. >> jimmy: but in real life though -- >> in real life, i don't smoke marijuana. >> jimmy: at all? >> no, and i want to come out to everyone. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: wait, what? >> i want to come out of my pothead closet, so to speak, and tell everyone i don't smoked. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i've smoked it a handful of times, once when i was camping. i laughed for like 60 hours straight. [ laughter ]
and then the last time, which was about eight years ago, i got high with the girl who i'm currently dating before we were dating. and i got so paranoid that i wanted to jump out of her window. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so that's the end of that. so you don't do that anymore. >> i don't do that anymore. and i was like depressed for like two months. >> jimmy: really? >> like, it was terrible. >> jimmy: it would have been embarrassing more than anything. [ laughter ] jumping out window. >> it was. well, i wanted to jump out the window. >> jimmy: hey, you started tweeting again, my friend. you're on twitter mrhoratiosanz is your twitter name. >> yeah. >> jimmy: do you like being on twitter? >> i love it. it's like a great way to talk to people and, you know -- >> jimmy: you follow people? who do you follow on twitter? >> i follow joan rivers. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: i follow her. >> she's great. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. >> i follow big foot. >> jimmy: big foot. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and who is big foot? >> the big, underscore, foot. big foot is this giant kind of --
>> jimmy: mystical creature. >> mystical creature. you know who big foot is. >> jimmy: i do, yeah, yeah, yeah. but he's on twitter. >> he's on twitter. >> jimmy: what does big foot tweet out? >> things like you would expect big foot to tweet. like i just crapped on a waterfall. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay, all right, yeah, yeah. >> he's really cool. >> jimmy: let's talk about your new show. "big lake" on comedy central. it comes out in august. it's you, chris gethard and chris parnell. explain to everybody what the show is about. >> the show is basically about three losers in a small town. and one of them is a guy who made a bunch of money in banking and then had to come back home because he loses all his money overnight. and i play a loser who stayed in town and didn't change at all. and chris parnell plays this teacher who used to inspire him in high school, but now has kind of given up and is also a loser, and we all hang out in this diner. >> jimmy: it's a funny show. it's very dark. it looks like a sitcom, but then it's got weird dark comedy in
there. it's really funny. and it's produced by -- >> it's produced by will farrell, adam mckay, gary sanchez. and, yeah, it's a subversive take on a sitcom. so it kind of looks like "happy days," but it's not like "happy days." >> jimmy: we have a clip. here's a clip of "big lake." [ light laughter ] >> hey, what's prison like? >> i ain't going to lie to you man. it's going to be hard. >> yeah. >> i wasn't in a gang, so i had to fend for myself. >> wait, you said it was minimum security. there were gangs? >> hell, yeah, dude. they roll 20, 30 deep. and you knew they was all in the gang, too, because they would be reading the same novel. [ laughter ] later, they'd get together and talk about it at their gang meeting. [ laughter ] >> those were book clubs. [ laughter ] >> i had to get this so i wouldn't get shanked. [ laughter ] >> that's the book, not the movie. >> jimmy: there you go. "big lake" premiers tuesday, august 17th at 10:00 p.m. on comedy central. more with horatio when we come back, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
just to make phone calls. but when at&t or verizon offer you an unlimited plan for $69.99, that's all it's good for -- phone calls. with sprint, for the same price, you get unlimited text, unlimited web and unlimited calling to every mobile phone in america. now that's more like it. [ male announcer ] get our $69.99 plan and experience america's most improved customer satisfaction. only from sprint. deaf, hard-of-hearing and people with speech disabilities access www.sprintrelay.com. hi, you ready to order? [ indistinct conversations ] uh, yohoo?! sorry, big win tonight. [ sizzling, conversations stop ] thanks steve. [ sizzling ] works every time. we'll have that. [ male announcer ] come to applebee's today for new sizzling entrees starting at $8.99. try the spicy asian shrimp, steak and cheese, or chicken with queso blanco from only $8.99!
fresh flavor never sounded so good. only at applebee's. now open till midnight or later. only at applebee's. and people like what we're saying.alue. about how fusion is projected to hold its resale value better than camry. and has better quality than accord. as a matter of fact, people like what we're saying so much, ford fusion is now the 2010 motor trend car of the year. the fusion, from ford. get in...and drive one.
you must be so excited about that. >> yeah, i am. it's really funny. it's been a lot of fun and -- but, you know, i'm also a little bummed out because to be completely honest, the job i wanted was to take over for larry king, [ light laughter ] on "larry king live" on cnn. >> jimmy: i remember this now. you were very excited because he announced he was stepping down and you really want that job pretty bad. >> yeah, and you helped me with the audition tape, remember that? >> jimmy: oh, how could i forget? [ light laughter ] >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, we did in a studio. it didn't air anywhere. it didn't go on television. it was just a little -- little weird. >> it was great, yeah. >> jimmy: it was great, yeah. we actually have a clip of it. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> tonight on "horati-show," see what i did there? pretty cool, right? he's gone from saturday night to late night.
please say hello to my white knight who gets it right, the not uptight, jimmy fallon. [ cheers and applause ] >> that was a little clunky there, pal. >> hey, check these out. hello. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i don't think you should wear that. you look like you're dressed exactly like larry king, i mean -- >> yeah. >> jimmy: just be you. just be yourself and just -- >> i want to make a smooth transition into the job, you know what i mean? i don't want to shock old people. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's just weird to see you in this outfit. that's all, i'm just -- be you. that's all i'm saying. >> okay, that's a good point. i should be me. >> jimmy: all right, cool. >> thank you. >> jimmy: no problem, good. you should ask me some questions. >> all right. i have some questions here prepared to ask you, here. how's it going? [ laughter ]
>> jimmy: great, great -- we're having a ton of fun on "late night." i'm going to host the emmys this year so we're kind of excited about that. [ cheers and applause ] >> let me ask you about "late night." uh, that's pretty scary. aren't you scared? [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: it's a big job, but -- >> no, no, i mean, aren't you scared for this "late night" that you're up late at night -- [ laughter ] like there's a bunch of ghosts floating around here in your studio? [ laughter ] aren't you scared of ghosts like in that movie "paranormal activity"? >> jimmy: no. [ laughter ] >> i think i have a ghost in my house. yeah. he licks my toes while i'm sleeping. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay, let's just -- that's gross. let's just go to the next question -- ask a different question. >> it is gross. [ laughter ] hey, remember that one time we were at siberia [ light laughter ] at that bar that was in the subway station -- >> jimmy: oh, yeah.
>> and you threw up? and you threw up and tracy morgan and me, we took our shirts off. [ laughter ] remember that? >> jimmy: this show is on cnn. you know, that right? >> oh, yeah, right. >> jimmy: yeah. >> okay. news. >> jimmy: yeah, newsy. >> right, yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, that'll help. >> yeah. [ laughter ] now, osama bin laden's been out of the limelight for a while. you used to love doing an impression of him. do you miss him? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, dude, he's a terrible person. i do not miss him. >> can you do a little bit of osama for us? >> jimmy: i really don't -- >> oh, come on. everybody would want to really see it and really enjoy it. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right, all right, fine. [ as osama ] hey, momma, i live in a cave. somebody find me already and put me in a nice comfy jail with cable and a floor. [ light laughter ] >> too soon, man. [ laughter ] too soon, not cool.
>> jimmy: what? >> inappropriate. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you asked me -- >> very disrespectful. >> jimmy: you asked me to do that? >> did i? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. >> let me ask you another question. if al qaeda offered it to you, would you take over al jazeera's "tonight show?" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: why would i do that? do they even have a "tonight show" there? >> sounds good, jimmy. let's go to the phones. >> jimmy: there aren't any phones here at all. there's no phones. >> albuquerque, new mexico, hello. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we're not on the air. there's no phones here >> i got you. >> jimmy: we're not on tv. no one's gonna call. >> grand rapids, michigan, hello. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: dude, seriously. this doesn't make any sense at all. >> all right, you know what? the hell with it. i'm just gonna go out and ask you -- can i have some of your sperm to get my sister pregnant? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what? >> not the place? >> jimmy: no. not at all. >> you don't really have to do it with her. you know that, right? >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. >> yeah, you'll do it?
>> jimmy: no. [ laughter ] all right, just go -- just ask other -- just a normal question. >> all right. this is a normal question for you. chris brown was on the b.e.t. awards doing a michael jackson impression. do you think it was cool that he beat up rihanna? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, of course i don't think it was cool. what -- >> jimmy, welcome to the "feud." top five answers are on the board. [ laughter ] name a fruit you'd use to kill a homeless person. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right, you're not -- you're not making any sense. you're not making sense anymore. >> great answer, great answer. let's see if it's up there. do i hear "papaya"? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you didn't hear it. >> ah! [ buzzer ] >> jimmy: what's happening? are you -- >> nope. >> jimmy: are you off your meds? what is wrong with you? >> let's get back to the phones. henderson, nevada, hello. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: dude, there are no phones here. this is insane. >> there is. it's vibrating in my pants. momma! [ laughter ]
oh, momma. momma called me. answer it. >> jimmy: you want me to talk to your mom? >> yeah, talk to my mother. >> jimmy: unbelievable. hello, mrs. sanz. i'm great, thank you. no, i haven't decided yet. i need to think about it. okay. take care. bye-bye. [ light laughter ] >> what did she say? >> jimmy: she wants to know i [ laughter ] >> that's cool. >> jimmy: not really. >> well, that's all the time we have. thank you for joining us, jimmy. or should i say brother-in-law? larry king is old and gone. you've been watching the "horati-show." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: yeah, that was a weird audition, i think. that was a weird -- you kept the glasses though. >> yeah. [ laughter ] i kept the glasses.
fifteen percent or more on car insurance? can fútbol announcer andrés cantor make any sport exciting? ha sido una partida intensa hoy. jadrovski está pensando. está pensando. veamos que va a hacer. moverá la reina o moverá el caballo? que tensión. viene... viene, viene, viene... gooooooooooooooool! geico. fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance.
beloved rock band from athens, georgia, whose latest album "dirty side down" scored their highest debut ever on the billboard chart. here to perform a song from it called "north," please welcome widespread panic. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ some folks look for trouble ♪ ♪ some look for relief baby, you look for jesus i can barely believe ♪ ♪ we used to talk about the weather used to think it all was fine ♪ ♪ now we never hang together now you're never on my mind ♪ ♪
♪ spinning around in circles cut it up in squares ask me if i love you, baby ask me if i care ♪ ♪ last thing that i need is a mustang last thing that i need is a tan ♪ ♪ i'm gonna get myself up north find out who the hell i am ♪ ♪ well, i i go north the sun here burns my eyes ♪ ♪ but i don't really care they're all drowning down here ♪ ♪ ♪ trials and tribulations face us every day ♪ ♪ baby, we used to talk a lot now you don't have much to say ♪ ♪ you think it's a joke or something i think that it's all a drag ♪ ♪ you think that it's in the pocket
♪ last thing that i need is a mustang last thing that i need is a tan ♪ ♪ i'm gonna get myself up north find out who the hell i am ♪ ♪ well, i i go north the sun here burns my eyes ♪ ♪ but i don't really care they're all drowning down here ♪ ♪ so i will disappear find my way up north i will disappear ♪ ♪
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, brother. thank you very much. that was great. thank you so much. i appreciate it. widespread panic! check out their album "dirty side down." see them live tuesday in philadelphia and thursday at radio city music hall in new york city. we'll be right back. ♪ [ cheers and applause ]