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tv   The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon  NBC  February 20, 2015 11:34pm-12:37am PST

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talk about frozen in time, in north carolina, the winter weather is leaving quite an impression you could say, ice impression. the ice formed on the front of the jeep and when the driver pulled away, the ice, no kidding, still standing. this is a photo from earlier in the week. and the south is dealing with brutal temperature s in the mid-20s and echk lower than that. that is crazy. >> a that is like he photo shopped the picture. >> it like froeen forever. >> a party. >> we made it to the weekend. enjoy. from studio 6b in rockefeller center in the heart of new york city, it's "the tonight show starring jimmy fallon." tonight, join jimmy and his guests --
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kevin bacon -- amy sedaris -- musical guest nick jonas, and featuring the legendary roots crew. >> questlove: 215. >> steve: and now, here he is, jimmy fallon! ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh my gosh. that's what i'm talking about -- [ cheers and applause ] looking great! this is a hot crowd. tonight we get down! >> steve: amazing. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we're having a party!
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>> steve: wow! great. i love it. well, welcome, welcome to "the tonight show," everybody. thank you so much for being here and thank you for watching at home. of course this sunday is the 87th annual academy awards. that's right. [ cheers ] it's the time of year when all the biggest movie stars get together and try to piece together what happened after they blacked out at the golden globes. [ laughter ] it's really fun. i heard that this year's oscar nominee gift bags -- they give them gift bags. [ laughter ] yeah. they're each worth over $167,000. [ audience ohs ] the gift bags. it includes items like a free luxury car rental and a stay at a five-star hotel in tuscany. as opposed to the emmys, where we get an aol cd and two loose twizzlers. [ laughter ] and we're happy. we're happy with that. [ applause ] last year we got one twizzler. >> steve: hey! >> jimmy: and a spit-out -- spit out skittle.
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that's what we got last year. [ laughter ] >> steve: what flavor was this? >> jimmy: we'll take it. whatever you want it to be. yeah. [ laughter ] some political news here. yesterday president obama announced something called "every kid in a park" that will give fourth graders and their families free admission to national parks for an entire year. yeah, that's pretty nice. [ applause ] marking the first time even kids are saying, yeah, thanks, obama. [ laughter ] i always wanted to go to tuscany. [ laughter ] president obama's giving fourth-graders and their families free admission to parks for a year. you can tell kids don't get outside enough because the last time they saw a sunset they were like, "hey, there's that thing i saw on instagram." [ laughter ] like. how do i like it? [ applause ] like. how do i -- i don't know how to -- just announced that vice president joe biden will be traveling to new hampshire next week. some experts say he's just
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drumming up support for 2016. while biden was like, "nah, i just want to see that new hamster." [ laughter ] new hampshire. you think he'll be my friend? [ laughter ] new -- forget it, just bring him -- that's right, joe biden is heading to new hampshire next week. he'll discuss the economy, education and also make sure every woman in the state is warm enough. >> trust in congress. i've got a lot of things -- >> jimmy: oh, yeah. [ laughter ] [ applause ] ♪ >> steve: nobody wants that. what is he doing? [ laughter ] he's lost his mind, man. some more political news. i heard that the new york jets owner woody johnson has decided that he will support jeb bush's campaign for president. or as "the new york post" put it, "these headlines write themselves." woody johnson into bush. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ]
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it's a gift from heaven. >> steve: yeah, it's a gift. >> jimmy: it's a gift. >> steve: double phallic name. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: there are reports that the nsa helped british spies monitor cell phone communications from across the world. that means they were able to get their hands on text messages from very powerful people. yeah. we were actually able to recover those text messages and some of them are pretty interesting. let's take a look at a new segment we call "who you textin'?" ♪ who you textin who you textin ♪ >> jimmy: now first we have kim jong un. he texted, "what you've done is an act of war." that text was sent to -- his barber. that's very interesting. [ laughter and applause ] wider -- he makes it work somewhow. next we have supreme court justice ruth bader ginsburg. she texted, "i need more proof." that text was sent to -- jack daniels. very interesting -- [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ]
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i think she's had enough. >> steve: i heard she got the case. >> jimmy: and finally we have chris christie. he texted, "i don't care what people say. i'm never leaving." that text was sent to -- golden corral. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] he's a great customer. we love him. we love him. guys listen to this. researchers at yale university have discovered why weed gives people the munchies. [ light laughter ] the researchers said it has to do with cells that trigger appetite, while their boss said, nobody asked you guys to study this. [ laughter and applause ] we want to see why weed makes you cough. [ laughter ] you should be curing measles. focus up, you guys. and finally, here's some good news, you guys. this week walmart announced that in the next six months it will increase its employees' hourly wages by 40%. [ cheers and applause ]
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that's great. workers are pretty excited because they'll finally make enough money to shop at target. [ laughter ] we have a great show. give it up for the roots, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ king of late night ♪ mr. dynamite >> jimmy: welcome, welcome, welcome. we have a big show tonight. a big show. we love it when he stops by. last time he came it was the most -- we've got to talk about that because it was the greatest opening of all time. from the hit show "the following," the one and only kevin bacon is here. >> steve: come on! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: he's just the greatest. one of my favorites. yeah. kevin and i are going to play a a game of pictionary later on with a couple of special guests. >> steve: ooh. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: you never know who's going to show up. >> steve: stay tuned. >> jimmy: you never know. plus she's one of the funniest
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people we know. comes by the show all the time. always with something to teach me or to teach us. remember last time she came and brought like a rake? and she put hot dogs on all the things to -- if you're cooking for like 30 people -- >> steve: you got it done, yeah. >> jimmy: fire -- >> steve: tcb, yeah. she's the rick dog. >> jimmy: she's so cool, man. our friend amy sedaris is joining us. [ cheers and applause ] just the best. so funny. i love her. and we have music from our pal nick jonas! >> steve: yeah! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: he's a good man. you guys, today's friday, and that's usually when i catch up with some personal stuff. i check my inbox, return some e-mails. and of course send out thank you notes. [ cheers and applause ] and i was just wondering -- [ cheers and applause ] you guys would mind -- can i just write out some thank you notes? is that cool? [ cheers and applause ] i'll write them out, get them out of the way. thank you notes. we'll do it. james, can i get some thank you note writing music, please? ♪ that's very sad.
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>> steve: sad. >> jimmy: just came from a a funeral maybe? >> steve: yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: james, thank you very much for that. what are you doing this weekend? [ laughter ] we get along great. [ laughter ] ♪ thank you, ben and jerry's, for releasing your newest ice cream, "the tonight dough starring jimmy fallon." just in time for lent. [ laughter ] very good. why? why would you do that? ♪ thank you, oscar statue, for looking like iron man doing full frontal. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: it's tony stark naked. >> jimmy: who's going to win? who do you think's going to win oscars? >> steve: who's gonna win the oscar for which? >> jimmy: best picture. >> steve: best picture, i'm going to say maybe "birdman." >> jimmy: "birdman?"
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you guys think "birdman?" [ cheers ] "boyhood?" do you care? there you go. no one cares. >> steve: "gone with the wind." >> jimmy: you're not watching it this weekend. [ laughter ] ♪ thank you, joseph clancy, for being named the new head of the secret service. although if you were really good at your job we wouldn't know about it. [ cheers and applause ] don't tell anybody. it's a secret. i'm the head of the secret service! let me join the secret handshake -- [ laughter ] stop it. >> steve: shush. >> jimmy: secret service? >> steve: i know. >> jimmy: i -- >> steve: it's secret. [ dialing phone ] [ phone ringing ] >> steve: hello? >> jimmy: hey, gary? >> steve: yeah. who's that? hold on a second. what's up?
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>> jimmy: who was that that answered the phone? is that the rapper shaggy? [ laughter ] >> steve: it was, yes. do you want to talk to him? >> jimmy: i'd love to talk to shaggy. shaggy, how are you doing man? >> steve: hold on a second, i'll go get him. hey, shaggy. come over here. what's up man? >> jimmy: hey, shaggy, how are you doing shaggy? >> steve: jimmy's not on the phone for me. he is, i swear to god. i don't believe you, man. come on shaggy, get over here. hello? >> jimmy: shaggy, it wasn't me. you're my favorite, dude. >> steve: oh my gosh, jimmy. it's really you. how's it going, man? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: fantastic. >> steve: you know that guy who called you the other day? >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: it wasn't me. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i just wanted to make sure. i wanted to make sure. i love you, dude. keep -- >> steve: hey, jimmy, jimmy, jimmy. >> jimmy: yo. >> steve: you want some crack with that? >> jimmy: no, i don't -- want nothing. [ laughter ] ♪ jimmy: thank you, da vinci's vetruvian man, for showing us what it would look like if jim morrison got naked and started making snow angels.
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[ laughter ] [ applause ] ♪ it is freezing out here it's cold way out here it's cold ♪ ♪ thank you, paper cutters, for basically being guillotines that we store in classrooms full of 6-year-olds. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: ow, my finga! ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, lent, for being god's juice cleanse. [ laughter ] take 40 days off. >> steve: yeah 40 days, just cool it. >> jimmy: just cool it -- just cool it for 40 days. >> steve: come on, dude, you can do it. ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, laughing
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students on the cover of a a college brochure for basically saying, one of these people must apply to your race and gender. [ laughter and applause ] maybe that dude a little bit. >> steve: that's me man! ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, the westminster dog show, for letting me know where my bitch is at. [ cheers and applause ] there you guys go. those are our "thank you notes." we'll be right back with kevin bacon! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is an emmy-nominated and golden globe award-winning actor who currently stars on the hit show "the following." which has its third season premiere march 2nd at 9:00 p.m. on fox. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome kevin bacon! ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: kevin bacon. come on. welcome back to the show, my man. >> thank you. thank you for having me again. >> jimmy: i've got say, the last time you came on our show we had this giant idea for you. >> yeah. >> jimmy: we asked you, because we wanted to do a bit and we thought of different ideas. actually, did you come up with this? >> well, my idea was much simpler. i thought maybe i would just be teaching -- i thought it would be fun to do something from "footloose." but i thought maybe i would be teaching you how to dance a la "let's hear it for the boy." i didn't know that you would -- and then when i got the pitch back from you guys, it was like angry warehouse dance. and i thought, oh, no. i can't do the angry warehouse dance. it's just too much. and it was so elaborate. but your team was so great that i just kind of plugged right into it. i mean, everything was kind of done for me. >> jimmy: you were here all day shooting.
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it was a whole, full day shoot. >> well, the crazy thing was i was working on "the following", and i wrapped the night before at about, literally, like 2:00 in the morning. and i'm standing in my kitchen. and i'm trying to remember some of these moves. and i'd seen the thing that you had put together, and i had to go and rent "footloose" on netflix, literally. [ laughter ] because i didn't have the movie. >> jimmy: you don't own your own movies? >> no, no. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: come on, you have to! >> i'm standing there in the kitchen, in the thing and kind of going -- like, oh, i can't do it! i can't do it. >> jimmy: you did it. >> it was too much. i was really overwhelmed. >> jimmy: it was unbelievable. that's you in our studio. [ cheers and applause ] >> meanwhile, the thing is -- >> jimmy: i mean, it was unbelievable. >> this is the thing, though, is that you work so hard in the course of your life. and you do work that you hope is going to affect people. you know, moving roles, and complex, you know, dramas and all that stuff. and people come up to me in an airport right now and they say, "i've got to tell you, the most
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moving thing you've ever done, the thing that touched me most was your appearance on 'jimmy fallon'." [ laughter ] oh, really? okay. >> jimmy: yeah, that's it! that's all you needed, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] it was moving. it was great. and then, you called us back because you were going to an '80s themed party. >> i know. well, what happened was there was a friend of mine was having an '80s themed party. and i said, "okay, well, i can't really go to an '80s themed party and not be me." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i know. >> but i thought to myself, i mean, i could be judd nelson or i could be madonna. you know what i mean? so, i needed the jacket. and i was trying to take -- i actually asked our costumer on the following", where can i get that red tuxedo jacket? and she said, "well, why don't we just call up fallon?" you guys were nice enough to lend it to me. >> jimmy: and you tweeted it out and there's the jacket. and we we're so happy you wore it again. it was so fun. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and did it -- >> i spilled a little crap on the sleeve there. [ applause ] >> jimmy: it's your jacket, man. >> it's funny though, because i walked into the party and everyone's like really elaborate.
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you know, this is this theme party and they're all done up to the nines. and some guy goes, "dude, too easy." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, you can't do you from "footloose." now, come on, it's not fair. >> too easy, yeah. >> jimmy: you have to do that. i mean, it's like inviting jon cryer to an '80s party and he's not going to be ducky. you got to be ducky, man! >> there were a lot of duckies there, by the way. >> jimmy: that's a great costume, ducky. >> i don't know if jon himself was there, but there were definitely duckies. wall-to-wall duckies. >> jimmy: you didn't get any photos from the party though? >> no. i didn't, actually. this is kind of a cool party because on the invitation it says, "please don't take any photos or tweet anything." >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. >> so, you can imagine -- >> jimmy: oh, i guess so. yeah, so yeah, yeah. it's one of those cool parties. >> it's one of those cool parties. >> jimmy: i never get invited to those. [ laughter ] you did get a quick shout out in "guardians of the galaxy." >> yeah, that's crazy. >> jimmy: i love that. he was like, "dude, kevin bacon's the hero of our time." >> well, i love that movie. i actually adored that movie, whether he shouted out to me or not. i just thought it was so funny and so cool. and i'd done a movie with the director right before, james gunn. he did a little tiny movie i
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was in called "super." and the deal with that movie was that i got a call from my agent, and my agent said, "well, jean-claude van damme was set for this part but it didn't work out." i don't know if it was like a a scheduling thing or whatever. and i was like, i'm doing it. i mean, when am i ever going to get jcvd's sloppy seconds? [ laughter and applause ] i was like, "i am in." >> jimmy: are you guys up for the same roles? >> not that often. >> jimmy: i would take it too. that's awesome, man. >> yeah, you know, i was like sight unseen. i just showed up. >> jimmy: i always told everyone, you're the next jean-claude van damme. that's pretty rad. and then he went on to do "guardians." >> then he went on to do "guardians." yeah, didn't put me in that one, but that's all right. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. he put your name in. that was a home run. >> he put my name in, yeah. >> jimmy: well, i mean, "the following", congrats on that. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: last time you came on i was like, you prepped me, but you didn't really prep me. it's scary. >> it is scary, yeah. >> jimmy: it's frightening. >> we've got some crazy stuff happening this season. there's a box that's about this big, and we were kind of challenging people to try to figure out what's in that box. and it's really terrifying.
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episode two. >> jimmy: oh, my lord. the mask scared me. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: now, that was frightening. because everyone -- you didn't know which one is james purfoy. you all looked the same and that was frightening. >> yeah. >> jimmy: but you warned me last time, now this one's what's in the box? >> yeah, what's in the box? >> jimmy: and it's terrifying? >> it's pretty good. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. this is awesome. every time we have you on, we always ask you to do something fun. tonight, i thought maybe, would you like to play a game? is that okay? >> i'd love to. >> jimmy: do you like games? are you cool? >> you know, i like games. i kind of like playing this game -- they don't need any promotional help from me. but there are angry birds involved. >> jimmy: is that your game? >> my wife hates that i play it. and i'm not really sure why. >> jimmy: because you're not paying attention to anyone else. >> i think she thought maybe when she was marrying me that i was more of like the bookish type. like, she thought maybe i would be reading tolstoy or something like that. so i kind of have to hide it. i have the sound off and i hide it almost like porn, you know. [ laughter ] but i found this new thing, which is an app where you can learn a foreign language.
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so, i've started doing that because it's almost like a a game. you know, if you get to the next level, it's like "ba, ba!" or, "ra, ra, ra, ra." you know, if you don't make it. >> jimmy: so you speak to it? >> well, you speak to it, yeah. because it wants to hear how you're doing. so, i was doing it the other day in the makeup chair. sometimes you type, sometimes you write, sometimes you speak, and you have to repeat it. and it's like -- [ speaking spanish ] you know -- [ speaking spanish ] you know, whatever. >> jimmy: i have no idea what you said. the cat drinks the milk? >> yeah, well, my brother sleeps in the crib. and the cat likes -- >> jimmy: how old is your brother, by the way? >> he's 10 years older than me. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he sleeps in the crib. >> but when i'm sitting there, the makeup artist says to me, "why are you talking like that?" that's spanish. she said, "no, why are you using this voice?" [ laughter ] and i realized that, when i play this game, you know, suddenly i'm antonio banderas. and i just can't help it.
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and so the good news is, for kyra, is that i'm not playing as much angry birds, which she's happy about. and she's now sleeping with antonio banderas. [ applause ] >> jimmy: see, you figured it out. very smart. >> it's a win-win situation. >> jimmy: kevin bacon and i are playing pictionary after the break. come on back, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ paul revere? gary, do you think i rode all night from boston to concord while nibbling a quinoa crusted protein bar? probably not. quite right! all i had that evening was meat, cheese and nuts. good memory. take this. it's got protein for your big ride. oh i'm just going home to my family. to warn them? no, the in-laws are coming. the in-laws are coming... the in-laws are coming. p3 from oscar mayer. it's 13 grams of protein from the original source. ♪
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star of the showtime series "house of lies." put it together for don cheadle! [ cheers and applause ] >> kevin: the craziest thing is i've been waiting my whole career to work with don cheadle and this is -- [ laughter ] here we go. playing pictionary. >> well it's the start of something beautiful. >> jimmy: yeah. i love that walk when you came out of the thing. >> just for you, jimmy. yeah, there it is. >> jimmy: it's pretty good, i like it. >> the stank leg. >> jimmy: stank leg. [ laughter ] let's see if he'll do it. joining my team is an actor and multiplatinum-selling recording artist. his latest self-titled album is tearing up the charts. give it up for nick jonas! [ cheers and applause ] he didn't give a stank leg, he gave like a stinky leg. >> a stinky leg. >> jimmy: yeah, it's a little bit different. yeah.
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stinky leg, yeah. everyone knows how to play pictionary. 30 seconds on the clock. we'll each take a turn. then, we'll have a showdown where both teams will draw the same clue at the same time, worth double the points. >> kevin: all right. >> jimmy: may the best team win. kevin, why don't you go first. >> kevin: i go first? >> jimmy: yeah. >> kevin: okay. let's see here. all right, don, this is a a person. >> okay. kevin bacon. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you've got to look at what he's drawing. >> looking. bugs bunny. >> kevin: bugs bunny? >> well, what am i looking at? >> jimmy: i don't know. >> statue of liberty? beyonce? no. [ laughter ] >> kevin: sounds like -- let's see. >> oh, man. shh, be quiet. i'm concentrating. oh, there's a smile. oh, a bass player. [ buzzer ] ah, my gosh. >> kevin: oh, no. >> jimmy: i have no -- oh, it's a stand-up bass player?
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>> kevin: i suck. >> who is that? >> kevin: it's king kong. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's pretty good! >> kevin: no, it's not good. >> jimmy: now that we know what it is, it's good. >> kevin: it's obviously not good. >> jimmy: now that we know what it is, it's good. it's king kong! fantastic. >> i thought it was a bass player. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay, which number? why is everyone saying three? that's weird that everyone said three. okay. this is a place. >> a place? all right. i believe in you. >> jimmy: more like a thing, kind of. >> oh, god. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right, ready? >> yes, i'm ready. >> jimmy: here we go. >> all right. it's great so far. [ laughter ] that, i have no --
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oh, that's a building? >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> shh. no words. [ laughter ] >> kevin: yeah, good point. >> a building. a leaning tower. [ buzzer ] >> jimmy: there's one leaning tower! there's not two leaning towers! oh, my gosh. pizza. pisa. oh, my gosh! [ laughter ] come on! judges, you are the worst! you just could have said, ding, ding, ding when he said leaning tower. there's no other leaning towers. sorry, dude. oh, my gosh. [ cheers ] it's not okay. >> go get it. go get it. >> jimmy: all right, six. good. >> oh, man. all right. >> jimmy: what is it? what is it? >> you could be -- this is an action.
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>> kevin: action. >> but i don't really think so. >> kevin: okay. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's a confusing thing to say. >> you should see this thing. >> jimmy: all right. >> all right, here we go. are you ready? >> kevin: drawing. swimming. surfing. um, diving. seabird. birds. flying. uh, wave. a cloud. a bird waving in -- wave. that's a wing. that's a flying -- sea. h-c-s -- something about the bird? [ laughter ] what's going on? somebody's peeing. pee? [ buzzer ] [ laughter ] what is it? >> a seagull? >> jimmy: sea puke? puking. >> it's sea pukeing. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's a hard one to get. that's a tough one to get. sea puke. >> sea puke? >> sea sick.
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>> is that an action? >> jimmy: yeah, of course it is. >> throwing up is an action. >> kevin: that's a condition. >> all right. >> jimmy: i'm still angry. i'm still upset. >> this is -- >> jimmy: don't tell me what it is. oh, you can tell me the idea. >> yeah, yeah. this is an object. >> jimmy: an object? >> yes, an object. >> oh, sure. you get an easy one. >> jimmy: an object. there we go. oh, he's confident. taking his time. a train? no. it's a vehicle of some sort. wheels. roads. you've got to do something else, buddy. [ laughter ] can't do numbers. i don't know if this is legal. >> the worst pictionary players. >> jimmy: yeah, forget that you did that. [ laughter ] good cover-up. good cover-up. oh, it's train. sleeping car. sleeping train. bunk beds. upstairs downstairs. "downton abbey." on wheels. [ buzzer ] [ laughter ] i thought it was "downton abbey" on wheels. what was it?
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>> double decker bus. >> jimmy: double decker -- oh, i see what you're saying. yeah, yeah, yeah. you've clearly never been on one. okay, here we go. [ laughter ] >> kevin: do i go again? >> unbelievable. >> jimmy: all right, here we go. we draw at the same time. >> kevin: oh, okay. >> jimmy: yeah, i think -- i think you should draw again. >> yeah, you should go, kevin. >> kevin: should i draw? >> jimmy: yeah. >> all right. >> jimmy: now, you guys will draw out the same clue at the same time. whichever one of us gets it first, we win the whole thing. >> kevin: what is the clue? >> what do we win? >> jimmy: you win a trip to tuscany. [ laughter ] it's a rental car. >> oh, great. >> jimmy: same one. same one. all right. we got this, buddy? >> what is it? >> kevin: they're calling it an object. >> it's an object. >> okay. >> kind of. >> jimmy: wait, wait, wait -- >> you got to go at the same time. >> kevin: ready? >> i'm ready. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah.
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>> go. >> circle. man. standing. >> jimmy: pregnant. baby. >> belly button. >> jimmy: butt, butt! booty! booty call. what is that thing? test tube baby! [ laughter ] >> hour glass! hour glass! >> jimmy: drinker. drink. drink! cocktail! >> drink stomach! >> jimmy: drink! cocktail! happy hour! ladies are -- ladies' night! no, drinking! [ buzzer ] [ laughter ] >> we're the worst. we're the worst. >> kevin: beer belly. >> jimmy: beer belly. have you guys ever seen what a a beer comes in? [ laughter ] it comes in a martini glass? what's going on? he drew a --- he drew a penis. he drew a penis. [ laughter ] >> i'm sorry. >> kevin: if you drink the penis, you get a baby. >> jimmy: i don't know what's going on. should we just call it a draw? we're just going to call it as a draw, you guys. that's the way it is. >> that's embarassing. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we're all winners here. don cheadle, you're a good man.
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my thanks to kevin bacon, don cheadle, my pal nick jonas. [ cheers and applause ] more "tonight show" after the break. it's a draw! it's a draw! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ okay, you ready to go? i gotta go dad! okay! let's go go, go, go... woah! go right, go left, go left, stop! now go... (shouting) let's go!! i gotta go! can i go? yup! you can go. (beeping alert) woah! there you go! way to go! lets go buddy, let's go! anncr: the ford fusion. we go further, so you can. and quit a lot,ot but ended up nowhere. now...i use this. the nicoderm cq patch with unique extended release technology helps prevent the urge to smoke all day. i want this time to be my last time. that's why i choose nicoderm cq.
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i bring the gift of the name your price tool to help you find a price that fits your budget. uh-oh. the name your price tool. she's not to be trusted. kill her. flo: it will save you money! the name your price tool isn't witchcraft! and i didn't turn your daughter into a rooster. she just looks like that. burn the witch! the name your price tool, a dangerously progressive idea. hey, i heard you guys can help me with frog protection? sure, we help with fraud protection.
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if there are unauthorized purchases on your discover card, you're never held responsible. you are saying "frog protection"? fraud. fro-g. frau-d. i think we're on the same page. at discover, we treat you like you'd treat you. fraud protection. get it at of doing things their own way. they age every drop of jim beam twice as long as the law requires. so, four long years from now... i'll be back for this one. jim beam®, make history™.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is a a talented performer and good friend of the show. when she's not busy stealing stuff from our dressing rooms, she writes best- selling books and acts in cool movies like "hits," which is currently available on itunes. say hello to our pal, amy sedaris, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: amy sedaris. >> hi! >> jimmy: thank you for being here. >> listen, i'm returning this. i took last it time, which you said, from the green room. >> jimmy: yeah. >> it doesn't work for me anymore. take it. >> jimmy: that's not what you do. you don't steal stuff and then say it doesn't work for me anymore. >> i had it, what, six months. and now i'm returning it. but thank you. it's would be a nice necklace, right?
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belt buckle? >> jimmy: yeah, it'd be a good belt buckle. last time you said i'm going to take something but i'll return it. you're not stealing it. >> okay, there you go. i took something. i'm returning it. how you doing? >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. i'm fantastic. >> i love the music. so low-key, i like that. >> jimmy: yeah, they kept it low-key. can i just ask you -- >> i like the rhythms. it goes with my hair. yes? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: can i ask you something? what is going on with your hair? i like it a lot. >> i've been drinking horse placenta. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, amy. >> yes, i have. >> jimmy: that's not true. that's not true at all. >> okay, listen, jimmy. the theme in my bedroom is "haunted dollhouse," and i wanted to invest in something -- a wig to hang on the wall. i'm a big wig person. lace front. so crystal shonus, who makes the wigs for "snl," she teaches wig making at north carolina school of the arts. so, i went there. she made me this wig. and you're going to help me decide -- find the character for the wig. i'm obsessed with it. it costs as much as if you had dental surgery. like if you got a crown. if you lived in alabama. maybe. [ laughter ] so it was a big investment. and it's easy to go hippie or
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be like, "i had my tubes tied" or "i'm going to buy a horse." it's too easy to do that. >> jimmy: it's too easy, yeah. >> so i want to try to come up with a different character. >> jimmy: okay, a different character. >> maybe someone who rescues animals or maybe somebody really pretty? >> jimmy: okay, yeah. so you can do rescues animals, maybe does local commercials. >> oh, my god, that's a great idea. >> jimmy: right? >> call now and you can get this. yeah, like one of those. >> jimmy: yeah. you can get hired for all different types of businesses. because you're like the good-looking actor person in the small town. >> i like that. but i'm barefoot. [ laughter ] you're good with wigs. you have a good face. i didn't mean to make you go to the next beat. but you're so good at wearing wigs. like, some people put a wig on and they don't know what to do with it. you know what i mean? but you're really good -- >> jimmy: oh, no, i put a wig on you almost can't even tell that i'm wearing one. >> are you wearing one now? no, i can't touch, right? >> jimmy: you can touch, yeah. it's not real. >> oh, my god. >> jimmy: yeah, this is it. if i can do this -- [ laughter ] >> oh, my god. >> jimmy: call now. >> call now, yeah. >> jimmy: if you want to get your horse neutered you'd better call us. [ laughter ] >> horse neutered. that brings out your eyes.
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>> jimmy: it does! >> it's really cute on you. >> jimmy: thank you. i have that one. then i have this one that we only used once. >> can be working as well. >> jimmy: this is a good one right here. >> oh, my god. oh, no. i want that! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: mr. pickles. >> oh, my god! wow! >> jimmy: you can borrow this guy. >> oh, he's great. >> jimmy: it seems like mr. pickles. >> mr. pickles! >> jimmy: i think mr. pickles is just, like, his disco name. and he would like go to the club and -- [ laughter ] ♪ >> wow. i love that. >> jimmy: he's pretty good. yeah, you can borrow him if you want to. call now, you guys. get your horse unneutered. call 1-800 -- >> unneutered! [ laughter ] i'm going to untie my tubes. okay. that's a great one. >> jimmy: that's what you have to do, yeah. >> it's like land o'lakes. you can wear that on the butter. >> jimmy: i can do that. yeah. >> do the flip-top -- >> jimmy: a male version. i know the flip-top. isn't that fun? >> aren't wigs fun? >> jimmy: wigs are fun. >> i'm very excited about it. i was like, well every time i
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come on your show, i think what am i excited about? >> jimmy: you always do something cool. >> i kind of look like kevin bacon's wife a little bit. >> jimmy: maybe a little bit. >> her hair's wavy and everything. >> jimmy: a little kyra sedgwick-y. >> maybe a little bit. maybe. >> jimmy: any wig you try on, anything you do, you always look so pretty. >> oh. say it again! [ laughter ] no. this has got a little bit of a a bald spot up here. which is nice. it's thinning hair. not ringworm, but it's just like little -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, you do -- it's a wig. you can make it whatever you want. >> where's my brush? >> jimmy: you're also getting into wig beards. beard wigs? >> well, if you have doll wigs or -- yeah. i brought some, actually. i can't reach. my hair's too long. [ laughter ] if you have like doll wigs, you can make really -- and just put elastic around it. >> jimmy: doll wigs. >> like an oxygen mask on an airplane. and you just play around -- [ bleep ] damn it! put more mayonnaise on it! you know? >> jimmy: it's a doll wig with a little strap on it. >> yeah.
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fun for the whole family. it can do the snooty -- you know. or it can be a pie on your head. like you know, like that. yes, me lady. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you're so fun. well "hits" -- your character in the film is someone who actually wants to audition for "star search jr." and didn't get it. >> i didn't make it, no. and i'm a bartender. i work at the speed rack. those of you who know what a a speed rack is. you know, it's the cheap liquor down here. that's called the speed rack. >> jimmy: oh. i didn't know that. >> yeah, fun. i went to bartending school when i was in north carolina. >> jimmy: did you really? >> i have a certificate and everything. yeah. >> jimmy: no way. >> yeah. seriously. i'm not very good -- cocktologist. i'm not very good at it. but we can try. if i can wear a wig i'll do it. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay, good. yeah, yeah. >> we can sing loretta lynn songs. you need a country song wig. all right. next show. >> jimmy: no, i can do it with this one. >> okay. what country song do you -- i love -- i was just bragging how you know how to put a wig on and look. >> jimmy: exactly. here we go.
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>> what song? >> jimmy: well, we'll introduce a clip to "hits." this is your clip of you in "hits." so, are you ready? ♪ ♪ we have a clip right here here's amy sedaris in the new movie "hits" ♪ >> wow. [ cheers and applause ] >> i just want you to know it's not that easy, kaitlin. >> crystal. >> no, i mean they don't care about you at all. these shows just use you and drop you the second they don't have any use for you. >> sweetie, that was "star search jr." and that was a long time ago. this is "the voice." it's totally different. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our thanks to
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amy sedaris. [ cheers and applause ] download that movie, "hits," on itunes. nick jonas performs after the break. stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [reminiscing] started my camry, remembered the choices i've made, to be bold where others are scared, to show her right from wrong, and realized my little girl had become an amazing human being, who will make choices of her own. toyota, let's go places. avocado, chicken, sriracha and a triscuit showing your taste buds who's boss. avochickirachascuit. that's where we took it. where you take it is entirely up to you. triscuit made for more.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest has been blowing up the charts with his self-titled album. here to perform his new hit single "chains", please welcome, nick jonas!
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ with her wine-stained lips yeah she nothing but trouble cold to the touch but she's warm as a devil ♪ ♪ i gave her my heart but she won't heal my soul she takes 'til i break and i can't get more ♪ ♪ you got me in chains you got me in chains for your love ♪ ♪ but i wouldn't change no i wouldn't change this love you got me in chains ♪ ♪ you got me in chains for your love
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but i wouldn't change ♪ ♪ no i wouldn't change this love ♪ ♪ tryna break the chains but the chains only break me hey ♪ ♪ hey hey ♪ ♪ tryna break the chains but the chains only alone in the night 'til she knocks on my door ♪ ♪ oh no wasted again but i can't say no no ♪ ♪ baby tell me why why you do, do me wrong baby tell me why why you do, do me wrong ♪ ♪ gave you my heart but you took my soul you got me in chains ♪ ♪ you got me in chains for your love but i wouldn't change i wouldn't change ♪
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♪ no i wouldn't change this love you got me in chains ♪ ♪ you got me in chains for your love but i wouldn't change ♪ ♪ no i wouldn't change this love tryna break the chains but the chains only break me ♪ ♪ hey hey hey ♪ ♪ tryna break the chains but the chains only ♪ ♪ ♪ tryna break the chains but the chains only ♪ ♪ baby tell me why why you do, do me wrong ♪ ♪ baby tell me why why you do, do me wrong ♪ ♪ gave you my heart but you took my soul chains ♪ ♪ you got me in chains for your love
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but i wouldn't change ♪ ♪ no i wouldn't change this love you got me in chains ♪ ♪ oh baby you got me in chains for your love ♪ ♪ but i wouldn't change no, no, no i wouldn't change this love ♪ ♪ tryna break the chains but the chains only break me ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: come on! that's the way to do it, man. nick jonas, "chains"! check him out hosting the nickelodeon kids' choice awards on march 28th. we'll be right back, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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(ellen) that's me. comes a new comedy about best friends trying to have a baby, when one of them falls in love, and, uh, i think there's a cranky grandpa. - there's no grandpa. - [groans] (ellen) well, now he's really gonna be cranky. announcer: one big happy, coming this march to nbc.
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(ellen) well, now he's really gonna be cranky. check out my breakfast! i got eggs... sausage... ham... bacon... cheese... and toasted sourdough bread. uh, mine's easier. mmm.(eating sounds) do you know that guy? get a load of jack's loaded breakfast sandwich. what's on it? what's not on it? two freshly cracked eggs, ham, sausage, bacon, and cheese all on toasty sourdough made just for you. it's like a big ol' breakfast buffet right in your hand.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to kevin bacon, amy sedaris, my man nick jonas! great job. don cheadle. and the roots right here from philadelphia. [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great weekend. hope to see you next week.


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