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tv   The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon  NBC  September 2, 2015 11:34pm-12:38am PDT

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it was at 101 about 7:30 in the morning. you can see the officers trying to lure it off and then in the east bay, chicken. tied up traffic chblth they showed up this morning and the viewers sent us this photo wondering around until they did the chicken highway patrol pulled them off the roadway. maybe they wanted to see if the work on the meters had started? >> yeah, i believe that the the chicken was going faster than the traffic. there's no way around that. it's right there as a reminder the traffic er reporter will be here at 4:30 in the morning. tracking the chickens. >> bye bye. we will see you tomorrow. ♪ >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center in the heart of new york city, it's "the tonight show starring jimmy fallon." tonight, join jimmy and his guests -- justin bieber.
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salman rushdie. and featuring the legendary roots crew. >> questlove: 321, brevard! >> steve: and now, here he is, jimmy fallon! ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm can feel the love right there, tonight! welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome to "the tonight show," everybody! you're here. this is it. this is what it's all about. i can feel it.
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[ cheers and applause ] i'm your host, jimmy fallon. you guys, we have justin bieber on the show tonight. [ cheers and applause ] we also have author, salman rushdie on the show tonight. [ cheers and applause ] they plan to spend the whole show googling who the other person is. it's very interesting. [ laughter ] let's get to some news, here. i saw that in an interview with cnn, former vice president dick cheney said that he has no plans to endorse donald trump. when asked if he'd have a a change of heart, cheney was like, "yes, every week." [ laughter ] actually dick cheney said that he would support donald trump if he does in fact win the republican nomination, but not beforehand. [ light laughter ] cheney's learned from experience not to pull the trigger too early. [ laughter and applause ] [ gunshot ] >> steve: my face! >> jimmy: sorry, man!
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[ applause ] oh, and this week lindsey graham, i love lindsey graham, he qualified for the next republican debate when he managed to get at least 1% in three different polls. [ laughter ] this is the most relieved lindsey graham has been since every time one of his cats come home. he's like -- [ lindsey graham impression ] "general whiskers, where were you all day?" [ laughter ] meanwhile, wisconsin governor scott walker says that he thinks only 12 states will decide the presidential election. and if trump wins, those 12 states will include shock, confusion, outrage, despair, denial, anger, bargaining and finally acceptance. [ cheers and applause ] of course, people are still talking about the state department releasing over 7,000 pages of hillary clinton's e-mails this week. yeah, and even though 150 censored messages seem to be revealing a lot of information. see if you can tell.
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check out some of the subject lines. first one is, "sure hope these e-mails never come back to blank me in the blank." >> steve: what? [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: know what i'm saying? check out this other one. it says, "regarding making blank winfrey my running blank." [ laughter and applause ] that's big news. >> steve: seems like they're blanking the wrong words. >> jimmy: they're not, i mean, but i can figure out what they're doing. this information that's secret -- top secret, they don't want people to find out. >> steve: right. >> jimmy: they're blanking it out. finally, look at this one. "had a great dinner with tu-blank shakur last night." [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: what? >> jimmy: i'm not a conspiracy theorist, but i don't know anything. what's real? what's not real? i don't know. >> steve: what's redacted? >> jimmy: hey, this is pretty cool. president obama is taking over the white house's official instagram account this week to post pictures of his trip to alaska. or to put it another way, president obama is now your annoying friend on vacation. [ laughter ] [ barack obama impression ] "here i am in front of a a museum. uh -- here i am at the beach.
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[ laughter ] here's a beautiful sunset. uh -- here's me eating a peach at the beach." [ laughter ] while he was in alaska, president obama stopped at a a cafe and bought out all of their cinnamon rolls for his staff. the staff was like, "thanks, obama." and the guy behind him in line was like, "yeah, thanks obama." [ laughter ] guess i'll get that bear claw. "general whiskers, get out of here! i'm not taking you out anywhere anymore." [ laughter ] actually, donald trump went on twitter this week and said that if he's elected, he would undo president obama's recent decision to change mt. mckinley's official name back to denali. no, i guess instead trump would call it trump tower north. [ laughter ] some tv news, bill wolff, the executive producer of "the view" just announced that he is leaving the show after only a a year.
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it's shocking. [ light laughter ] though not quite as shocking as finding out that someone was actually in charge at "the view." [ laughter ] "you ladies stop -- oh, forget it. just go. [ cheers and applause ] i'm going to play angry birds. go for it. yeah, yeah, yeah." check this out. there are rumors that's apple may start making original content to compete with netflix. yeah. someone actually leaked a bunch of the shows they're developing to "the tonight show." >> steve: really? >> jimmy: we have them here. >> steve: we have them? [ laughter ] wow. >> jimmy: yeah. some of them look pretty good. like the political drama, "house of cords." have you seen this? [ laughter ] i like comedies. >> steve: i love it. so you're gonna like, "two broke screens." that's good. [ laughter ] have you ever seen, "the good wifi?" >> steve: wow. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: how about, "better facetime saul." finally, we like, "tim cook squarepants." [ applause ] it's interesting that these shows -- i like it. watch them anytime you want.
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>> steve: on demand. >> jimmy: this just seems crazy to me. despite ashley madison's huge hacking scandal, the website reported that hundreds of thousands of new users signed up including over 80,000 women. though most of them are just hoping to get a date with their husbands. [ laughter ] [ audience ohs ] frank, is this your profile? can we get a sitter this friday? [ laughter ] i thought this was nice. yesterday, ufc fighter ronda rousey accepted a a marine's invitation to the marine corps ball in december. when they heard ronda rousey was teaming up with the marines, isis was like, "we surrender!" we have a great show. give it up for the roots! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: good show tonight. it's been a great week so far. there's more ahead. tomorrow night, jason sudeikis will be here. [ cheers and applause ] jason and i are going to play a a game of drinko. it's gonna be fun. plus, we have music from brad paisley. that's right. >> steve: oh! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: then on friday, my man, i love him, you love him, everybody loves him, steve harvey is here and he's going to have a special "tonight show family feud." [ cheers and applause ] don't want to miss that. but first, fresh off a huge performance at the vmas sunday night, he has got the number one song in the country right now, in many countries right now, justin bieber is here tonight! >> steve: yeah! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: "what do you mean"? "what do you mean"? >> steve: "what do you mean"? >> jimmy: justin and i are going to talk and then he'll perform "what do you mean" with the roots to close out the show. it's going to be fantastic. it is going to be fantastic.
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[ cheers and applause ] plus, he's got a new book called "two years, eight months and twenty-eight nights." it's in stores tuesday, author salman rushdie is stopping by. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: come on! >> jimmy: you get them both together. >> steve: salman and the biebs. the biebs and salman. >> jimmy: "two years, eight months and twenty-eight nights" "what do you mean?" yeah. [ laughter ] >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: put it all together. you have to read the book to figure out what it means. look, i always say -- i say this every single night we're on. we're on seven days a week, 24/7. i always say we're lucky to have the greatest band in late night, the roots. right there. [ cheers and applause ] i love them. you love them. the whole world loves them. i tell you what, it isn't always fun and games. from time to time, we put the roots to the test -- >> steve: the roots. >> jimmy: that's right. we put the roots to the test and we take people from our audience and we have the roots make up songs about them on the spot. it's time for "freestylin' with the roots." here we go!
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♪ time to freestyle with the roots ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, roots, are you guys ready to do this? roots. [ cheers and applause ] all right, raise your hand if you want the roots to write a a song about you! hey, stand up. hi, pal. how are you? hey, thank you for being here. i appreciate that. what is your name? >> morgan. >> jimmy: morgan. very good, morgan. morgan. morgan, where are you from? >> millbrook, new york. >> jimmy: millbrook! oh, beautiful place. millbrook, new york. you've got one fan back there, very interesting. [ laughter ] morgan, it's back to school time. what's your favorite memory of school? >> i don't know. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: try to think of one. one memory. what's your favorite memory of school? you loved --
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>> winning a soccer tournament. >> jimmy: yes, that sounds like it's real. [ laughter and applause ] you thought of someone else's memory. a soccer tournament. you won it. congratulations. >> thanks. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we've got our pal morgan here, okay. she's from millbrook, new york, and her favorite memory is winning a soccer tournament, it was the best. so this first one, because school is starting up, can you guys do like a college fight song? ♪ ♪ morgan's number one millbrook, new york is where you're from ♪ ♪ i'd like to welcome you to "the tonight show" where we all have tons of fun ♪ ♪ you said you have no memories from school except just one that was
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really cool ♪ ♪ and it was when you played the soccer tournament and you won you won you won ♪ >> jimmy: hey! thank you very much. thank you. [ cheers and applause ] how you doing, buddy? >> good. how are you? >> jimmy: good. give me a little room, here. >> sorry about that. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: took charge, man. [ laughter ] what's your name? >> my name is jay. >> jimmy: jack? >> jay. >> jimmy: jay, sorry. >> you can call me jack if you want. >> jimmy: no, i'll call you whatever you want, man. [ laughter ] jay, nfl season starts next week. do you have a favorite football team? >> jets. >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about! [ cheers ] j-e-t-s, jets. now, if you could invent your own touchdown dance, what would it be called? >> the jay-jay instead of the nae-nae. you know, like the nae-nae? the jay-jay? >> jimmy: yeah, it's called the jay-jay? how would the jay-jay go? [ laughter ] a lot of kids are watching, jay-jay. [ laughter ]
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jay-jay, okay. guys, we have my pal here jay. you can call him jack, up to you. [ laughter ] favorite football team is the jets, of course, the new york jets. he came up with his own touchdown dance, and it's called the jay-jay. and when you get a touchdown, you throw the ball and then you spike the ball and then, you -- yeah. yeah, that's how you do it. [ laughter ] okay, good. for this next one, taylor swift just won video of the year at the vmas. >> my girl. >> jimmy: that's your girl? >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: weird because that's my girl. yeah. [ laughter ] no, no, i'm kidding. guys, can you do like a a taylor swift type of song, please? for jay. ♪ ♪ okay well jack all right so welcome to "the tonight show" ♪ ♪ your favorite team is the j-e-t-s jets hey man i already know ♪ ♪ and if you had a dance of your own to do whenever touchdowns
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were thrown ♪ ♪ than we would call it the jay-jay instead of the nae-nae ♪ ♪ wanna see it, y'all there it goes do the jay-jay ♪ ♪ ♪ do the jay-jay [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. good to see you pal, thank you very much. excuse me, i'll go through here if you don't mind. [ cheers and applause ] hey, hi, how are you? how are you doing? looking good. nice to meet you. hi! looking good, hey. coming through. hey, how you doing? nice to meet you. how are you? nice to meet you. hey, i like your shirt, yeah. fallon/timberlake for president. i like that. hey. how you doing, pal? hey, nice to see you. [ cheers and applause ] hi. hey how are you? oh, here we go. i'm on this side. [ cheers and applause ] let's pick someone from the front. we'll go down here. you, sir, right here. stand up. stand up. how you doing? stand up. how you doing? [ cheers and applause ] thanks for coming to the show. >> no problem, no problem.
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thanks for having me. >> jimmy: hey, what is your name? >> justin. [ applause ] >> jimmy: justin, very nice. justin, what do you do for a a living? >> i believe i'm some sort of entertainer or singer. >> jimmy: oh, cool. entertainer/singer. entertainer/singer. would i know any of your songs, maybe? >> wow. >> jimmy: it's all right, just starting. that's cool, that's cool. i almost didn't see you there with all the camo. but now i saw you, i figured it out you were a person. [ laughter ] justin, the fall tv season is starting, okay? >> okay. >> jimmy: all right, now, if there was a tv show based on your life, what would it be called? >> uh -- "just trying to get there." >> jimmy: "just trying to get there." [ cheers and applause ] i like it. "just trying to get there." >> just trying to make it. >> jimmy: and who would play you in a tv show?
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>> tyler perry. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he's a magician. >> what? you don't see the resemblance? >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. you can't talk to the roots. you don't know them, remember? [ laughter ] >> oh, yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so guys, we have our pal here, his name is justin. he's a musician. he's a -- thank you. >> i'm a singer. >> jimmy: he's a magician, he's an entertainer. >> no, i'm not a magician. i don't do tricks. >> jimmy: you don't do tricks. well, think about it. you never know. the world's your oyster. >> i'll do tricks if you want me to do tricks. >> jimmy: no, not now. >> i'll do some tricks for you. >> jimmy: hey. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] that's his next single. [ laughter ] if you had a tv show, it's called "just trying to get there." his part would be played by tyler perry. for this last one, "straight outta compton" was the number one movie this past weekend. so roots, can you guys do like
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an n.w.a. gangsta rap sort of thing for this? ♪ ♪ here's a little something 'bout the singer just biebs never should have been let in to nbc ♪ ♪ j biebs politely say he got the same attitude as n.w.a ♪ ♪ had the soul glo ♪ just trying to get there with bieb's own show tyler perry gotta get his way and play him too ♪ ♪ you don't like how i'm living well --♪ ♪ >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about. thanks to these guys. thanks to my man, justin bieber. we'll be right back with justin bieber! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪
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another way delta is more than just a shower. my name is jamir dixon and i'm a locafor pg&e.rk fieldman most people in the community recognize the blue trucks as pg&e. my truck is something new... it's an 811 truck. when you call 811, i come out to your house and i mark out our gas lines and our electric lines to make sure that you don't hit them when you're digging. 811 is a free service. i'm passionate about it because every time i go on the street i think about my own kids. they're the reason that i want to protect our community and our environment, and if me driving a that truck means that somebody gets to go home safer, then i'll drive it every day of the week. together, we're building a better california. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's right. we are joined right now by a a pop music superstar. his new single, "what do you mean", went straight to the top
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of the charts. [ cheers and applause ] and he turned in a killer live performance of that song sunday night at the video music awards. please welcome a talented man. here is justin bieber! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: justin bieber, good to see you. it's been a while. great to have you. >> it's been a minute. >> jimmy: yeah. you're looking good, man. >> thank you. >> jimmy: thank you for doing that bit with us earlier. i appreciate that. please, please, please. i've got to say the vmas, it was fantastic, right? did you see the performance? [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. >> jimmy: i have to ask, because it's got to be a lot of pressure. number one, just to go out and sing in front of your peers in the industry, but also to fly in a harness. >> yeah. harnesses suck, right? they were telling me that you hate them backstage. >> jimmy: oh, it's a terrible
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idea. no, yeah. i would have talked you out of it, because you've got to really -- you've got to pull everything in there. >> all that. >> jimmy: i don't even have to dance. just wearing a harness -- [ light laughter ] >> it pulls on the junk. >> jimmy: pulls on the junk. absolutely, yeah. i think, yeah. but it really does and i go, "what? how could you do that and sing?" >> i know. >> jimmy: live. and it was a great performance. then at the end, you got me, because you got really emotional. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you started crying. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i go, "oh, my gosh." >> i just -- it was just so overwhelming for me, everything. just the performance. i missed some cues, so i was a a little disappointed at that. and just everyone, just their support. i was honestly -- let me breathe for a second. i just wasn't expecting them to support me in the way they did. last time i think i was at the vmas i think -- last time i was at an award show, i was booed. >> jimmy: yeah. >> so -- >> jimmy: that's got to be tough, buddy. >> i think it's just like -- i worked so hard at this album,
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i've worked so hard at just becoming the man i want to become. and then like, stepping into situations, you just can't help but feel judged. so i was just feeling judged and just wanting it -- wanting to win so badly and just wanting to do what i love so badly, that i just put everything on the line. and i think that that was what was so special about the emotional moment at the end. it was authentic. it was real. it was like, i was really, like, just wanting it so bad. i don't know. i'm just ranting now because -- >> jimmy: no, it's good. plus, your junk was being pulled by the harness. [ laughter ] >> it was, right? >> jimmy: can't help the situation. can't help the situation. >> can't. >> jimmy: no. but you really did. you did an amazing job. >> thank you. >> jimmy: 'cause i've known you for a long time. i always support you. unfortunately, i have to make jokes about you sometimes, too. >> it's all good. it's all good. >> jimmy: that's my job. [ laughter ] >> yeah. >> jimmy: i mean, sorry. you do your job, i do mine. you know i love you. >> thank you. >> jimmy: you went out there and you just really did a great job. i've known you and supported you all the way through.
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>> thank you. >> jimmy: you went and found people, right? you sought after people that are going to change your life and inspire you. >> well, what it was is that i just had a bunch of knuckleheads around me. that was pretty much it. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and, um -- >> jimmy: never good. >> no, never good to have knuckleheads around. >> jimmy: but you're a kid, too and you have fun. then the knuckleheads grow up and then you go, "yeah, bye, dude." >> for sure. i just went through a place of just trying figuring it out and making decisions to -- you have to figure out what you're okay with and what you're not okay with. but you have to test the waters. i just happened to be in front of a bunch of spotlight -- like, in the spotlight, in front of cameras all the time. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and they caught all those moments, so. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. >> hey, don't laugh. [ light laughter ] you guys say you didn't have those moments? >> jimmy: no. no, everyone -- well, not as much as you did. [ laughter ] but, yeah. we have -- >> but i had more accessibility. [ applause ] >> jimmy: not as much as you. >> all right, all right, all right. >> jimmy: we'll get to examples later. >> true, true. >> jimmy: here's the thing, what makes a man -- what makes a man, i think is also not how much you can fight, but if you get knocked down, can you get up?
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>> yes. >> jimmy: and boy, did you get up. and boy did you come back fighting. >> thank you. thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: this single, fastest number one on itunes. >> thank you. >> jimmy: fastest. went to number one on itunes in under five minutes. number one in 89 countries. what country is holding back? i mean, come on. >> i don't know. >> jimmy: let's just name every country number one. let's go. >> lithuania, what's going on? >> jimmy: lithuania, let's do this. come on, lithuania. let's get it trending. well we don't know when the album is going to drop, but i heard that you might have an exclusive thing to tell us? >> i do. but i forget the date. >> jimmy: no! >> i swear i forget. >> jimmy: no, i have it. i know it. >> i forget. it's november 13th. >> jimmy: that's it right there. november 13th! [ cheers and applause ] you heard it from me. you heard it from me. >> isn't that why i'm here? >> jimmy: yeah, that's why you're here. more with justin bieber after the break, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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i sure had a lot on my mind when i got out of the hospital after a dvt blood clot. what about my family? my li'l buddy? and what if this happened again? i was given warfarin in the hospital but i wondered if this was the right treatment for me. then my doctor told me about eliquis. eliquis treats dvt and pe blood clots and reduces the risk of them happening again. not only does eliquis treat dvt and pe blood clots,
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but eliquis also had significantly less major bleeding than the standard treatment. knowing eliquis had both... turned around my thinking. don't stop eliquis unless your doctor tells you to. eliquis can cause serious and in rare cases fatal bleeding. don't take eliquis if you have an artificial heart valve or abnormal bleeding. if you had a spinal injection while on eliquis call your doctor right away if you have tingling, numbness, or muscle weakness. while taking eliquis, you may bruise more easily... and it may take longer than usual for bleeding to stop. seek immediate medical care for sudden signs of bleeding, like unusual bruising. eliquis may increase your bleeding risk if you take certain medicines. tell your doctor about all planned medical or dental procedures. eliquis treats dvt & pe blood clots. plus had less major bleeding. both made switching to eliquis right for me. ask your doctor if it's right for you. thlook what i got.p. oh my froot loops! [sniffs] let's do this? get up! get up! get up! get up! loop me! bring back the awesome
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back to "the tonight show," everybody. we're hanging out with justin bieber right here! he's back -- [ cheers and applause ] -- on the top of the charts, number one. number one. how does it feel to be back being number one again? oh, my gosh. >> it doesn't feel bad.
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>> jimmy: no. it feels great. >> doesn't feel bad, no. it feels awesome, yeah. >> jimmy: you set up with great producers. skrillex. >> yep. >> jimmy: diplo. >> yep. >> jimmy: and on the song "where are you now," they took your vocals. >> yep. >> jimmy: and did you know they were doing this? or did you just consent to them, to do what you want to do with my vocals? >> i -- we actually created the song just with piano. so this song was just a slow ballad. and it just felt incomplete so we sent it to skrillex, and skrillex did this thing to it and made this weird sound in the hook and called it like -- >> jimmy: a dolphin sound. >> a dolphin sound, yeah. >> jimmy: he calls it dolphin sound. so they make -- they took his voice and they digitally destroyed it. >> yes. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and then pushed it back out and made it into the sound that the hook -- >> they raised it higher so that it sounds like -- >> jimmy: a dolphin. here's the original track. this is justin's original. ♪ and you're the most >> jimmy: okay, there you go. [ laughter ] now if you give that to me, i'd go that's good the way it is. i just feel like, that sounds great.
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here's the dolphin sound effect. ♪ [ laughter ] when you hear that in the song, that's the effect. can we hear that dolphin sound again? ♪ [ laughter ] and you couldn't do that in real life. could you do the dolphin sound when you sing? >> maybe. >> jimmy: you could try it. >> i could try. >> jimmy: we have microphones. ♪ doo doo [ laughter ] >> jimmy: not yet. not yet. oh, could you -- while you have the mike, could you -- sorry to put you on the spot. [ laughter ] no, no, no. could you give me a taste of -- 'cause you were singing "where are you now" as a country version during a rehearsal? >> yep. >> jimmy: you just do that for what, just for fun? >> i don't know, i just like it. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's almost like -- could you give us a taste of what that's like? ♪ i gave you attention when nobody else was paying ♪ ♪ i gave you the shirt off my back what you saying keep you warm ♪
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♪ i showed you the game everybody else was playing that's for sure ♪ ♪ ♪ and i was on my knees when nobody else was praying oh lord ♪ >> jimmy: there you go. thank you. that's fantastic. [ cheers and applause ] come on! >> that's all i've got. >> jimmy: i know, i know. every time you come on. i appreciate you coming on. i always make you do stuff, make you do things you don't want to do. and you go, "why the hell am i here?" i always love it, because you keep coming back. >> thank you. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: 2010 you were here, that was five years ago. i'm good at math. [ laughter ] you had a drum-off with quest. >> i did, yeah. that was fun. >> jimmy: well, yeah. >> and i think he, destroyed me but -- >> jimmy: no but it's okay. it doesn't matter. this is five years ago. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i mean, but it's been five years. [ cheers and applause ] >> are you saying rematch? >> questlove: what's really
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good, justin? >> okay! >> questlove: what's good, justin? [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> questlove: you go first. >> no, you go first. ♪ [ cheers ] ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers ] ♪ ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers ] ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers ] ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about right there! do not miss justin bieber performing his new single with the roots at the end of the show! [ cheers and applause ] salman rushdie joins us after the break. stick around, everybody! oh my gosh. [ cheers and applause ] quest come on back. come on back. you knocked him out.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is an award winning and "new york times" best-selling author. his latest book, "two years eight months and twenty-eight nights", his first adult novel in seven years is in stores
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tuesday, september 8th. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome salman rushdie! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome! salman, welcome to the show. thank you. i promise i won't make you sing. i promise i won't. >> you really don't want to make me sing. >> jimmy: no. thank you for coming on the show. we've met a few times before. >> yes. >> jimmy: we're pals. i'm happy that you're here. listen, i won't make you sing, but i will tell everyone this. i know this for a fact. you did write a song for a a giant band -- >> i did. >> jimmy: named u2. >> yeah, well we -- [ cheers and applause ] yeah. >> jimmy: how does that -- how does that happen? how does that come about? >> i wrote a novel about a a songwriter called the "the ground beneath her feet." and in that novel i thought, i've got to make up lyrics that this imaginary songwriter imaginarily wrote. so i wrote --
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>> jimmy: you're so deep, man. [ light laughter ] you're so deep. yeah, yeah, yeah. i'm with you. we're with you. >> it's what we call fiction in the trade. anyway, so i wrote the song. in the novel called "the ground beneath her feet," there's a a song called "the ground beneath her feet" that he, the imaginary songwriter, wrote. then i sent the book, 'cause i knew bono a little bit. and i sent -- i wanted him -- actually, i sent him the book, i said, "read the book to see where i've made a fool of myself. where all the mistakes are." you know? >> jimmy: that's interesting. you sent it to bono? >> yeah. and he -- >> jimmy: i send all of my monologues to bono, too. i go, "isn't this funny? [ laughter ] should i do this joke?" >> then they get longer. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: they get much longer. yeah, yeah, yeah. >> anyway, he said, he called me up and said, "you know, i started reading your book. i was reading like a a policeman." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i was looking for a a thing to take out. yeah. >> "but then i saw this lyric. you've got the title track." and i said, "i didn't know that novels had a title track." he said, "yeah, you know the song." so then he wrote the song and then they recorded it. >> jimmy: come on.
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how cool is that? >> called "the ground beneath her feet." and then they did it on tour. and then made a video with me and the band and milla jovovich. directed by wim wenders. >> jimmy: i mean, come on! they're rock stars. [ cheers and applause ] i know you hang out -- you're friends with everybody. you're friends with rock stars. is this true that you danced with van morrison? >> well that's also, it's also bono's fault. [ laughter ] i mean, i was in dublin and he said, had i ever met van morrison. and i said no. so he arranged this little dinner for me to meet van. of course bono's little dinner turns into, like, 40 people. >> jimmy: oh, he doesn't have a a little dinner. never, yeah. exactly, yeah. >> and then after dinner there i just noticed that van was sitting in the corner in this little sit up chair, looking, how shall i put it, lonely. >> jimmy: yeah. >> so i went over to him and i said, "van, do you want to dance?" and he said, "all right then." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: can i just ask, how do you dance with van morrison? >> he sit up by this with his little hat and he went --
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[ laughter ] >> jimmy: he hops up and down? >> i kind of pogoed with van morrison. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's legendary. that's so awesome. oh, my gosh. [ applause ] i love that. oh, i love that you asked him to dance. so you've got a new book coming out next week. congrats again on this. you're a fantastic writer. i have to ask, do you have any traditions for when a book comes out? something you have to do. superstitions or something -- >> there's a thing i did, like not lately, but when i was starting out and nobody knew who i was. i would go into bookstores and i would move the book up to the front. [ laughter ] i would go into a bookstore, there would be one copy with the spine out. i'd take it off the shelf and i'd take it to the best seller table and put it on top of the number one best seller. >> jimmy: no way. of course. >> then book sellers tell me now that every writer does it.
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>> jimmy: every writer goes into barnes & noble or whatever -- >> and their families. >> jimmy: oh, yeah, yeah. >> so the bookstore says, "oh, yeah, the writer's family's been in." >> jimmy: yeah. and now you walk into a a bookstore and you go, "salman, it's already there." you've done it buddy. congratulations. tell us what this book is about. >> with that said, what do i mean, you said? >> jimmy: what do you mean, yeah. what do you mean by this? >> well, the title is, if you do the math, is 1,001 nights. so it's a kind of, the idea is -- >> jimmy: arabian nights. >> sort of an arabian night story and transported to new york now. so, it's got genies a bit but -- >> jimmy: sold. oh, yeah i'm in. >> but they attack manhattan. >> jimmy: what were you saying backstage? we need fiction. >> yeah, before i wrote this, i wrote -- i was writing this memoir forever and ever. when i finish the memoir, i spent three years writing it, i was really -- i have been trying really hard to tell the truth. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i thought, you know what? i'm sick of the truth. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i'm going to try and go to
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the other extreme, way over here from the truth, and, you know, make [ bleep ] up. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: fiction. it's called fiction. >> fiction. >> jimmy: it's called fiction. yeah. well, thank you for making blank up. i really, really appreciate it. thank you for being here. [ cheers and applause ] salman rushdie. "two years eight months and twenty-eight nights" is in stores september 8th. we'll be right back with a a performance from justin bieber! pick this up this tuesday! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ time upon a once, people approached problems the way same. always start at the starting. and questions the same asking. but that only resulted in improvements small. so we've got some ideas new. garbage can create energy. light can talk. countries can run on jet engine technology.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. welcome back. i'm here with salman rushdie. we were saying "two years eight months and twenty-eight nights" is your new book. it's a good beach read. there's not much more time left in summer so this is a good fall read. i'm thinking, where do people read in the fall? >> oh, you know, i think the beach is kind of overrated anyway. you get sand in the book.
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[ light laughter ] you drop it. i think people read in all kinds of good places, which it's extremely suitable for. they read in bed. >> jimmy: yes. >> it's a very good bed read. [ light laughter ] people read in the bath. >> jimmy: yeah. of course. [ light laughter ] >> read in the bath. the water is warmer. >> jimmy: yes. >> people read on the toilet a a lot. >> jimmy: okay there. thank you very much. [ laughter ] anyways, it's a good toilet read. no, no. okay. good. [ applause ] ladies and gentlemen, his new single "what do you mean?" is currently number one on itunes in 89 countries. performing with a little help from the roots, once again, justin beiber! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ what do you mean when you nod your head yes
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but you wanna say no ♪ ♪ what do you mean hey yeah when you don't want me to move ♪ ♪ but you tell me to go what do you mean oh what do you mean ♪ ♪ said you're running out of time what do you mean oh oh oh what do you mean ♪ ♪ better make up your mind what do you mean ♪ ♪ you're so indecisive what i'm saying ♪ ♪ trying to catch the beat make up your heart don't know if you're happy or complaining ♪ ♪ don't want for us to end where do i start first you wanna go to the left ♪ ♪ then you want to turn right ♪ ♪ want to argue all day make love all night first you up then you're down and in between ♪ ♪ oh i really want to know what do you mean yeah ♪ ♪ when you nod your head yes
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but you want to say no ♪ ♪ what do you mean oh when you don't want me to move ♪ ♪ but you tell me to go what do you mean ♪ [ cheers ] ♪ oh what do you mean said you're running out of time what do you mean ♪ ♪ oh oh oh what do you mean better make up your mind what do you mean ♪ ♪ you're overprotective when i'm leaving trying to compromise but i can't win ♪ ♪ you want to make a point but you keep preaching you had me from the start ♪ ♪ won't let this end first you wanna go to the left then you want to turn right ♪ ♪ wanna argue all day make love all night ♪ ♪ first you're up then you're down then in between ♪ ♪ oh i really want to know what do you mean oh ♪
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♪ when you nod your head yes but you want to say no ♪ ♪ what do you mean oh what do you mean yeah ♪ ♪ when you don't want me to move but then you tell me to go ♪ ♪ what do you mean ♪ you keep playin' games with me that's not kosher ♪ ♪ instead of telling me now like you're supposed to you take me on a love roller coaster ♪ ♪ trying to get off on your own like oprah girl that's a negative like a pessimist ♪ ♪ you say it ain't love i say yes it is what i'm guessing is the big question is ♪ ♪ why you sending me all these mixed messages ♪ ♪ what do you mean yeah baby yeah ♪ ♪ when you nod your head yes but you want to say no what do you mean ♪ ♪ girl what do you mean oh what do you mean yeah ♪ ♪ hey yeah oh no no oh what do you mean yeah ♪ ♪ oh what do you mean ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: justin bieber! black thought! "what do you mean" is available on itunes right now! we'll be right back, ladies and gentlemen! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ sure, tv has evolved over the years.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to justin bieber! salman rushdie! and the roots, ladies and gentlemen! stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night. i hope to see you tomorrow. bye-bye! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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>> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- zac efron. radio host and comedian, joe piscopo. music from chris stapleton. featuring the 8g band with jimmy chamberlin. ♪ ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] all right. good to hear it. let's get to the news. donald trump said this weekend that while he doesn't think workers should be fired for being gay, he still does not

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