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tv   Late Night With Seth Meyers  NBC  December 24, 2015 12:37am-1:38am PST

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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- a special thanksgiving edition of, "late night" featuring larry, hilary, and josh meyers. we'll play "how well do you know your meyers?" and cooking with hilary meyers. featuring the 8g band with brian chase. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers! >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." happy thanksgiving, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] thank you so much for being here. let's get to the news. the nfl had three thanksgiving games today between the eagles and the lions, panthers and cowboys, and bears and packers. but the most exciting matchup was still between your
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conservative uncle and his lesbian daughter. [ laughter ] rapper big sean performed during half-time of the eagles-lions game today. of course, before thanksgiving dinner he was just sean. [ light laughter ] many retailers this year launched their black friday deals a day early with some even starting at 6:00 this evening. so yes, grandma, i do need to bring my laptop to the table. [ laughter ] the first thanksgiving feast took place in 1621, but historians say that mashed potatoes, pumpkin pies, and cranberries were not present. and there certainly wasn't any celery in the stuffing, aunt carol. [ light laughter ] over 1,000 clowns performed in this morning's macy's thanksgiving day parade. said the clowns, we prefer to be called high school marching
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bands. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter and applause ] the macy's thanksgiving day parade is the world's second largest consumer of helium after the u.s. government. [ light laughter ] said government officials -- [ high voice ] "wow that's shocking." [ light laughter ] that's your -- that's this thanksgiving's dumb helium joke. [ light laughter ] after weeks of touting her appearance on the campaign trail, donald trump's wife melania took the stage wednesday night and spoke briefly, telling the crowd, "good evening, isn't he the best? he will be the best president ever. we love you." a speech that was also word for word her wedding vows. [ laughter ] after critics said that one of donald trump's golf courses incorrectly claimed to be the site of a great civil war
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battle, trump asked, "how would they know that, were they there?" said one critic, "i was." [ laughter and applause ] i mean, i was a kid, but i remember. [ light laughter ] a new poll found that 32% of americans do not like cranberry sauce. so even cranberry sauce is polling higher than jeb bush. [ laughter and applause ] a hunter in france is expected to make a full recovery after being hospitalized when his dog knocked his gun to the ground, jumped on the trigger, and shot him in the arm. fortunately, help arrived before his dog could finish reloading. [ laughter ] and finally, according to a new study on migrating tree frogs -- wait. i'm sorry. i could be wrong here, but i think i smell smoke. and that can only mean one thing. it's time for "ya burnt!" ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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>> seth: welcome to the burn zone! we got a lot of topics to sizzle through, but not a lot of time. over here is the burner, let's turn on the gas and load her up. [ light laughter ] whoo ow wow wow. [ laughter ] first up, hey, stuffing, let's call you what you are. a bunch of chewed up bread that spent the day in a turkey's ass. [ laughter ] and stuffing, could you be any drier? what's your secret ingredient? sand? stop trying to choke me. i'm not your tinder date. [ audience ohs ] [ light laughter ] explain it to grandma tomorrow. hey, stuffing, go stuff yourself. ya burnt! [ applause ] breaking the wish bone. what kind of monster conceived this tradition? it's bad enough we eat the turkey, but do we have to rub it in by breaking his bones? that sounds less like a holiday tradition and more like foreplay for goblins. [ light laughter ] also, the wish part is total bull crap. because every time i crack a wish bone, i wish for the same thing and yet, here we are,
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eating the same dry-ass stuffing. double burn, stuffing. >> double burn! [ laughter ] >> seth: hey, what's the story, wish bone? ya burnt. [ applause ] decorative gourds. you ain't decorative, you ugly. [ laughter ] you look like a bowling pin with warts. it doesn't help that we put you in a cornucopia, the only basket that encourages spilling. side burn cornucopias, or is it cornucopiae? >> cornucopii. >> seth: cornucopii? are you sure? >> i don't know. i'm not google. >> seth: don't say anything then. [ laughter ] decorative gourds, you gross weirdos, ya burnt. [ applause ] once-a-year relatives. the annual reminder that the family tree could use a couple less branches. let's face it, you are don't care what i've been up to and i don't care what you've been up to, so let's go full a.m. radio and stick to traffic, weather, and a little bit of sports. [ laughter ] and aunt judy, stop telling us how entrepreneurial your son greggy is. i'm friends with him on facebook. no one is contributing to his
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vape shop for dogs kickstarter. >> puffpuffpooch.com. [ laughter ] >> seth: relatives, you may be family, but guess what. ya burnt! [ applause ] the rolls. oh, the rolls! oh, no! i completely forgot about the rolls! oh, no no no no -- no no! [ laughter ] oh, no! rolls -- ya burnt. [ laughter and applause ] gravy. the savior of thanksgiving dinner. all i have to do is pour you over any dry, tasteless meat or side dish and suddenly it all goes down smooth. and i don't get just a dollop of you, either. i get a whole boat and that's why you're this week's unburnable. ascend to safety where you can finally know how wonderful it is to eat yourself. [ applause ] next up, people who don't make enough gravy. what the hell is wrong with you? [ light laughter ]
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get your head in the game. you have a tiny bowl of gravy and a vat of green bean casserole. you're like a drug dealer that's out of crack but has tons of claritin. [ siren ] uh-oh! that sound means that things are really cooking up. it must be time for our speed round. the blaze! [ cheers and applause ] hey, turkey pardoners. don't pat yourself on the back. you're a publicity stunt, not the oscar schindler of flightless birds. and also, ya blazed. candied yams. you're 10% yam and 90% candy. calling you a vegetable is like calling justin bieber a recording artist. ya blazed. [ laughter and applause ] the top button of my pants. i guess toys r us isn't the only thing opening at 4:00 p.m. on thanksgiving. ya blazed. [ laughter and applause ] the good china. more like the old china. my grandpa has newer plates in his back. ya blazed. [ laughter ] pilgrims. when the native americans asked you to bring something to dinner, they weren't talking about smallpox. ya blazed. [ laughter ] the detroit lions. you're having a worse year than cecil the lion.
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ya blazed. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] oh, i'm not confident about how this next one is going to go. [ light laughter ] tryptophan. thanks, but i'll take my main course without a roofie in it. you're the bill cosby of thanksgiving dinner. [ cheers and applause ] ya blazed. cecil's not so bad anymore, is he? [ applause ] people with nowhere to go on thanksgiving, you -- [ buzzing ] oh, that buzzer means we have run out of time. looks like you lonely a-holes will have to garner our sympathy another time. this has been ya burnt! [ cheers and applause ] you guys! tonight we have a very special thanksgiving show for you. the meyers clan is in the house tonight. [ cheers and applause ] that is my father larry, my mother hillary, and my brother josh. we'll be playing america's favorite game show "how well do you know your meyers?" and then later we will be cooking with my mom as she makes my favorite snack of all time. her homemade chex mix. we'll be back with more "late night." [ cheers and applause ]
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back to "late night," everybody. give it up for "the 8g band" real quick. [ cheers and applause ] best band in late night. also, he's been sitting in with "the 8g band" all week long on the drums, from the yeah yeah yeahs, brian chase. [ cheers and applause ] you can catch brian playing at "the stone" in new york city on
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december 9th, 11th, and 12th. it's been great having you here all week, brain. thank you so much for being here. >> thank you. [ applause ] >> seth: and while you're at it, give it up for me brother, josh, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] now, josh, serious question. >> sure. >> seth: are you familiar with these dog-shaming websites? >> i am, seth. people take pictures of their dog looking guilty next to a little sign that says what the dog did. >> seth: that's 100% correct. here's an example. "i like to hide tennis balls around the house." that's pretty cute, right? >> that's super cute. >> seth: yeah, here's another one. "i eat my daddy's wooden furniture." adorable. [ light laughter ] these are all minor offenses. after searching around -- get this. after searching around the internet -- >> uh-huh. >> seth: we found some websites featuring dogs that have done much, much worse things. we'd like to show them to you now, in a segment we call -- >> both: "extreme dog shaming!" [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: extreme indeed. let's look at our first dog. oh, he looks pretty cute. i can't imagine he'd do anything too bad. "i asked people to include gift
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receipts when they give me presents." [ laughter ] bad dog. >> very bad dog. >> seth: that's just tacky behavior. >> all right. who do we have next? [ audience aws ] aww, i like this little guy. "i asked people if they haven't been working out." [ laughter ] >> steve: that's terrible. >> bad dog. >> seth: terrible thing to say to somebody. bad dog. who do we have next? oh, he couldn't have done anything too bad. "i knowingly came to work with a fever, and then when everyone got sick, i said, 'hmm. it must be something going around.'" [ laughter ] that's just like, irresponsible. >> yeah, super bad dog. all right, who's next? this guy is adorable. "in the early '90s, i was hired by philip morris to suppress information that cigarettes are addictive." [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: why would you do that? >> that corporate shill. >> seth: it's a corporate shill. [ light laughter ] who do we have next? [ audience aws ] this one seems like a good little boy. "i go to improv shows and shout out, 'dildo.'" [ laughter and applause ] not a helpful suggestion. >> also, unoriginal, dog. >> seth: it's not original. yeah, a lot of people have yelled out, "dildo" at improv shows. >> funny word though. >> seth: funny word. [ laughter ]
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>> all right. who do we have next? aww! that's all i can say about this dog is "aww, what could he have done?" "i listened to adele's new album and felt nothing." [ laughter ] >> seth: how? >> bad dog! >> seth: how is that possible? who's next? what could he have done? i am currently catfishing eleven prisoners on death row, and they all think i am their fiance. [ laughter and applause ] god. >> creepy. >> seth: bad dog. >> yeah, bad dog. who's the next pooch taking the walk of extreme shame? i love a golden retriever. "my mom asked me how to join facebook and i told her it was $12.99 a month." [ laughter ] >> seth: bad dog. >> bad dog. smart dog. >> seth: very smart dog. i wish i'd thought of that. who's next? this is what you call a cute little fella. "whenever i'm hungover, i go to the e.r. to get an iv." [ laughter ] oh, god. what a loser. there's real sick people that need to be in the e.r. you just have to stop drinking so much. [ light laughter ] >> all right. who do we have next? this is a good guy.
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"my mom got back surgery, and the first thing i asked her when she woke up was if i could have some of her percocet." [ laughter ] >> seth: that's just terrible behavior. you have a problem. >> i have a lot of friends like that dog, too. [ laughter ] >> wait. how'd this guy get in here? "i'm a dog. please don't eat me." [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: that's not gonna work. >> nice try, buddy. >> seth: it's very creative. >> yeah. >> seth: and it's a shame that someone, somewhere right now is eating a turkey that had the power to make a poster-board sign. [ laughter ] all right. who's next? wait a minute. this is my dog, frisbee. frisbee, what did you do? "i prefer josh." you know -- [ audience ohs ] [ laughter and applause ] one day i'm going to win you over, frisbee. that was "extreme dog shaming." we'll be right back with our parents. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back to "late night," everybody. our next guests tonight are two people whom my brother, josh, and i have known for as long as we can remember. [ light laughter ] they currently reside in bedford, new hampshire and are often mentioned on this show. please welcome back our parents, hilary and larry meyers. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> seth: hi, you guys! >> hi! [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: you look beautiful. >> thank you. >> seth: thank you. are you excited to be back? >> i am very excited to be back. >> seth: okay, got ya. now, i want to talk -- the last time josh was on the show, he was on a show on amazon called, "red oaks" that took place in the '80s. and one of the things he was talking about was back in the
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'80s when we were living in michigan, we had a very -- you guys had a company party that was very '80s themed. i think a part of it could only happen -- josh, explain the party to your best memory. >> josh: well, it wasn't '80s-themed. it was the '80s. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah, that's true. yeah. [ laughter ] i remember everybody was wearing '80s clothes, '80s music. >> josh: you are right on the money. but, like, we had -- mom had a big cadillac, and dad tied a rope to the back of the cadillac. and they had gotten a bunch of roller skates to, like, pull people up a hill, and then come down the hill. >> seth: yeah. >> josh: but it just seemed, like, really dangerous. it was a dangerous thing you wouldn't -- >> seth: did you put on the roller skates? >> i had never roller skated in my life. you know i have a fear of falling. >> seth: yeah. >> and i have a fear of danger that i've passed onto you. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> so i had never had roller skates on in my life. >> seth: how did you make it to that point of your life without having roller skates on? >> i don't know. >> chicken! [ laughter ] >> i was scared. i was tall, so when i put on
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skates, i was like six feet tall. and then dad says, "there's -- nothing's going to happen. just hold onto the rope." >> seth: okay. >> so you're going wicked fast. the cadillac takes off, and then, i let go. and all of a sudden -- >> seth: why would you let go? >> he told me to! [ laughter ] so i crashed to the ground and my hand -- this is no lie -- black and blue all the way through. >> seth: wow. were there a lot of injuries at this party, dad? >> no. >> how many people went to the party? about 30? >> seth: yeah. >> one. >> seth: one injury. so it was just you. so you were the only person. >> one injury. >> josh: but then, the biggest swing and the miss from the whole thing -- >> wait, that was a miss? >> josh: that was a miss. >> 29 people loved it. [ laughter ] >> josh: all right. you can have that. >> it was a death trap. >> josh: the biggest swing and a miss, dad thought, "what's a great activity for your company company to do together?" and came up with mud wrestling. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> josh: so he dug a ten-by-ten-foot pit in our back yard. >> seth: i just remember -- imagine being a kid and seeing your dad just, like, digging a
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hole -- >> josh: and putting, like, the garden hose in it. so you have cold hose water filling up a, like, rooty, rocky pit. >> seth: did this mud pit plan go as well as you had hoped? >> not quite as well. there were some cuts and bruises. yeah. >> seth: i don't remember anybody even getting into the mud-wrestling pit. >> i think i forced two people to do it just so i wouldn't look completely like an idiot for doing it. [ light laughter ] >> seth: but ultimately, this turns out this is not the way to do a mud-wrestling pit. you don't just dig up dirt and add water, right? >> no, i think you buy like, clay or something. >> seth: you buy proper mud. [ laughter ] >> we haven't done it since. >> no, no. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> it was a fad that came and went. >> josh: i don't know if you can even call mud wrestling a fad. >> a very short fad. it was the '80s. stuff happened in a hurry. you're too young to remember. [ laughter ] roller skating -- gone. >> josh: it was that one scene in "stripes." >> seth: now, another thing i remember -- because you guys would host a lot of parties at
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the house, is any time there was a party, you enlisted josh and i to help. but you basically made us work as bartenders. >> no, waiters. more, waters. >> seth: more waiters than bartenders. how old were you saying we were doing it? >> 6 and 8? [ laughter and applause ] and you had -- daddy would always give you a dish towel and put it over your arm. and a little tray and you'd have to take it around to people. >> seth: yeah. and we would just go order drinks and people would tell us what to get. what do you remember about our time as waiters? >> josh: i just remember that people would say, like, "oh you pour a stiff drink." [ laughter ] and i would be like, "yeah, i'm 6." [ laughter ] and i don't know if we -- i don't know if we made drinks that mom would like or if she got her taste for a stiff drink -- >> seth: from the way we made drinks, yeah. >> josh: i don't know. >> seth: you do like them pretty stiff. >> yeah. >> there was reasoning behind that. if we were having a party, the idea was to kind of let everybody see our kids, right? and they would all get to meet
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you, and you were doing something they like, bringing them alcohol. [ laughter ] then you'd go somewhere and be out of the picture after awhile. i thought it was kind of cute. >> josh: yeah. [ laughter ] >> seth: and again, this is another interesting story, when child services showed up. no. [ laughter ] we had to pretend we weren't home. [ laughter ] now, of course being thanksgiving, christmas is around the corner. we're going to now go through this dance of trying to figure out what everybody wants for christmas amongst us. famously, you guys get each other terrible presents. >> right. >> seth: you love each other very much. i would say you know each other very much. you cannot for the life of you figure out what each other wants for christmas. >> no. >> nada. >> seth: can you remember the worst one ever, josh? >> josh: the pink cowboy hat. >> seth: yeah, so talk this through, and say exactly what mom said when she saw it. >> josh: well, the wrapping's always beautiful, so mom gets this nice, box and unwraps it and takes out, like, a fluorescent pink cowboy hat. >> we live in new hampshire.
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>> seth: yeah, well, that's true. it was new hampshire, right. >> josh: but i think she said something to the effect of, "what's this bull [ bleep ]?" [ laughter ] >> seth: right. >> i might have. i might have. >> josh: and i think you tried to make an argument for it. >> it was another one of those short fads from the '80s. [ laughter and applause ] it was on from december. it just ended december 24th. i thought it would stretch into january, but it didn't. >> seth: this was a very important point. because the argument was always made. she would hate it, and then you wouldn't give in, and you try to convince her, like, why. and you'd say, like, "you'll be the only person in town wearing a cowboy hat. and before you know it, that'll be the thing. and you'll be the cowboy hat lady. you don't give anything a chance." [ laughter ] >> i know. and if you didn't have this show, nobody would have ever heard of her. [ laughter ] otherwise she'd be well-known. she'd be well-known. [ applause ] >> seth: but then you switched up the game. and you just started buying yourselves gifts, and then pretending to give them to one another. >> right. and wrapping them. >> they were so confused.
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she would open some present. she would say, "oh, i love this." then i would open it and say, "how did you know!" and they're looking at one another like, "am i in the right house?" [ laughter ] because we didn't tell them all of this. >> seth: we figured it out immediately. [ laughter ] it was like two gifts in that we were like, "what's going on?" >> josh: because you would open a gift and say how much you loved it. and mom would be looking at it as if and truly for the first time. she would be like, "what? oh, yeah, yeah!" >> seth: i remember this one from a few years ago, which happened in front of my wife and her sister and they've never forgotten, which is you had labelled a gift to me, and checked it out. and it was a sweater. and you said, "try it on." and i put on this sweater, and it was super tight, and went to here. i walked out, and i was like, "i don't know." and you said, "oh, that's a dress i bought for your mom." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i was like, "why? why did you make me do this? i'm 38. i'm standing in front of my wife wearing my mom's dress.
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she's never going to let me hear the end of it." [ laughter ] >> i do remember that. >> seth: you remember that? >> i do remember that, yeah. it was pretty funny. >> oh, christmas memories. >> seth: christmas memories. so you recently -- well not recently, but you've gotten to meet some people over the years at parties. >> oh, yeah. >> seth: so we actually went to josh's "red oaks" premiere recently, and paul reiser is in that show. you walked up to paul reiser and said what? >> and said, "i'm mad about you." but i knew it was a stupid thing to say. but i said it so you could tell the joke and make me look stupid. [ laughter and applause ] i'm just trying to help! >> making her look stupid is a full-time job. [ laughter ] >> oh, oh, oh. don't you start. >> we work so hard at it! but we're really good at it. [ laughter ] >> seth: but you've also -- you got to meet idris elba. >> idris elba and daniel craig. and daniel craig kissed me and idris elba did too.
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and i believe idris elba is going to be the next james bond. so this means i think i might be a bond girl. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: you might officially -- >> yeah, yeah. i'll be an older one, but yeah. >> seth: fine. now, up next we're going to play america's favorite game show, "how well do you know your meyers?" we played last year. i believe you won last year. >> i was the big winner, yes. >> seth: so stick around, everybody. we're going to do that. we'll be right back with more "late night." [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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wi don't know, but they tlook amazing. oh, you know what i was thinking? it's almost christmas! oh! yes! that's what all the lights are for, that's why they're dressed this way! and! where did you guys get your clothes? old navy. you know we've done like, zero christmas shopping. - zero shopping. - what are we going to do? we have to go shopping now. you should go, the entire store is up to 75% off. his hat was only three bucks. in order for us to go to old navy, you have to get off our lawn. we have another song! no, no... - come on let's go. - ok! innovative sonicare technology with up to 27% more brush movements versus oral b. get healthier gums in 2 weeks guaranteed. innovation and you. philips sonicare save when you buy the most loved rechargeable toothbrush brand in america.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: well, it's thanksgiving which means it's a great time for families to find out how much they know about each other. and we're the meyers family so it's time once again to play "how well do you know your meyers." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: on this edition of "how well do you know your meyers" we will each take turns asking the questions that we each wrote ourselves. trivia questions about our family. so i'm goingo ask my assistant cassandra to bring out the cards. [ cheers and applause ] thank you, cassandra. >> hi, guys. >> hi, cassandra.
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>> seth: first, mom, test your buzzer. [ buzzing ] okay. dad? [ turkey goble ] josh? >> mashed potatoes. >> seth: okay, great. [ laughter ] all right so here we go. we begin with the seth round. questions written by me for my family. in the meyers family, what is the word for turkey? >> mashed potatoes. >> josh: turk-a-lurk. >> seth: cassandra? >> oh. [ laughter ] >> seth: turk-a-lurk is correct. [ cheers and applause ] >> i didn't even think of that. good one posh. >> josh: thanks. >> seth: we have a strange vocabulary of words no one else uses. which makes it really fun when you bring a girlfriend home for the holidays. [ laughter ] [ laughter ] all right. name the superhero on the poster above my bed and the "sports illustrated" swim suit model on my wall. [ buzzing ] >> batman and carol alt? >> seth: no. >> mashed potatoes. >> josh: batman and elle macpherson. >> seth: half right.
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dad you can either stick with one of those and try to guess the other. >> i don't know. >> seth: cassandra, show us the answer. it's spider-man and elle macpherson. spider-man and elle macpherson. [ cheers and applause ] and years ago my mom changed my childhood bedroom into an office and then i complained and we changed it back. [ laughter ] last question. we have a neighbor from lithuania named franz. every weekend he comes to our house, enters without knocking, and yells what? dad? >> is anybody naked? >> seth: nope. >> mashed potatoes. >> josh: schwartz. >> seth: no. >> nananu. >> seth: no. i went with this. anybody home? you would say are you arguing anybody naked is more consistent? >> absolutely. >> seth: okay anybody naked. i'm going to give the point to my dad. >> oh, no way! >> hey! [ laughter ] >> seth: it's fine. >> it's fine. >> seth: it's fine. >> josh: no, no, no. bicker more. bicker.
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>> it's thanksgiving, why not. >> seth: i do want to point out that franz proves that i did grow up in a sitcom. [ laughter ] that is the end of the seth round. let's take a look at the score. it is one for my dad and it is one for my brother. and now it's time for the mom round. questions that my mom wrote herself. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> thank you, cassandra. >> it's nice to see you again, josh. [ laughter ] >> josh: nice to see you too. >> okay. here we go. first question. bon chance. what is the name of the hairdo josh got in seventh grade? >> mashed potatoes. >> josh: a vavoom. >> yes. a vavoom. [ laughter ] >> seth: can you explain the vavoom real quick? >> josh: all right. the vavoom was a very specific haircut by, i forgot who, but it was advertised as, "it's not a perm." it was definitely a perm. >> seth: definitely a perm. [ laughter ] >> josh: and i -- >> seth: at what age were you rocking a perm? >> josh: well, it was like, seventh grade. i went from having very flat nothing hair to having super
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tight curly hair in a day. >> seth: the only thing i'll say. you look at our hair now and i wish i got [ bleep ] vavoom. because it did something. [ laughter ] it did something. >> worked for me. >> seth: cassandra? it was the vavoom. that's a point for josh. >> okay. [ cheers and applause ] i think this is a pretty easy one, but here we go. what do i call people who are really hard to deal with? >> mashed potatoes. >> that's josh again. >> josh: sweatheads. >> yes. they are sweatheads. [ laughter ] >> seth: give an example. what -- who would a sweathead be? what would a sweathead be? >> somebody that pushes ahead of you in line. >> seth: and you'd be like, "who does that sweathead think he is?" >> yeah. exactly. i don't say that right to the person. >> seth: no. you'd tell me. >> under my breath. >> seth: you'd call me and say, "i have to tell you this story about these sweatheads." >> about these sweatheads, yes. >> or she calls -- >> and they're all over the place. >> or she calls and says, "i have to tell you what a sweathead your father is." >> seth: that's true. i do hear that a fair amount. cassandra was that correct? that was. sweatheads is correct. that's three for josh. [ applause ] >> josh is killing this.
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all right. here we go. last question. what is the song we sing to seth on his -- wait a minute. the song we sing to seth on his birthday is based on what popular song? >> seth: candyman. >> yes. >> seth: yes. ♪ the candyman can >> seth: will you sing it really quick? ♪ sethy is the baby he's daddy little boy he's mommy's little boy born on december 28th ♪ ♪ the cute bundle of joy the sethy boy boy ♪ ♪ oh the sethy boy boy [ laughter and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: that's amazing. where did i get my self-esteem? [ laughter ] >> okay. that's the end of my questions. >> seth: okay. let's move onto the dad round. these are questions written by dad for us. switch back in, mom. i'll have to slide over. >> okay, i'm over here. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> thank you, cassandra.
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>> hey josh? are you a breast man or a leg man? [ laughter ] >> josh: i'm a leg man. but today i might be a breast man. >> because i have both breasts and legs. and they're both real. well, my breasts are real. my legs are fake. [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: all right. >> you guys ready? >> seth: yeah. >> okay. when mom taught school before seth and josh were in high school, we used to go to a beach vacation for the april school break. typically, the first weekend we were on vacation mom, dad, and josh were on the beach. where was seth? [ laughter ] >> mashed potatoes. [ laughter and applause ] >> josh? >> wait, wait. >> oh, it was you? [ laughter ] >> he was watching the football draft. >> seth: cassandra? >> what is it sandra? watching the nfl draft.
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>> seth: nicely done. [ cheers and applause ] >> finally i get a point. i'm trusted with this again? >> seth: you're trusted with that again. >> okay. >> seth: i mean, it's obviously already broken. [ laughter ] >> i tell you what, if you know the answer, just hit me. >> okay. [ laughter ] >> when seth was in third grade and josh was in first grade, seth got in big trouble for doing something he did not do in the lunch line. [ turkey gobble ] >> mashed potatoes. [ laughter ] >> i -- that was me. >> i think that was you. >> seth: josh asked me for lunch money because he forgot it and i ignored him. [ laughter ] >> cassandra, show us the answer. >> seth: there you go! >> that's right. [ cheers and applause ] >> all right. wait a minute. we have an extra credit question here. >> seth: okay. >> extra credit. for extra credit, what did josh do when seth didn't give him the money? josh? >> josh: i went home and watched "flash gordon." >> exactly. and then we had panicked calls from the school because he actually never went back. [ laughter ] >> seth: can we see it real quick to confirm? yes, he went home, had lunch, and watched the "flash gordon" movie on hbo.
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[ cheers and applause ] and i want to point out i got in a lot of trouble for having ignored josh and not giving him money. and then i said -- i made my case that josh should receive a little bit of blame for after having waited a minute he just left the premises. and went home to watch hbo and you did concede the point that i was maybe, he'd also was a little to blame. >> yes i did. okay. and it was fair. >> seth: yeah it was fair. >> it was fair. okay. [ laughter ] i still punished you. >> seth: yeah. you punished me. >> all right my buzzer doesn't work. so if i get this one, i'm hitting you. okay? >> seth: we just established that. >> okay. [ laughter ] all right. >> all right. this is a difficult one. >> seth: okay. >> okay. in order chronologically, name our old english sheep dogs and great pyrenees dogs in the order we got them. [ turkey gobble ] [ laughter ] >> seth: albert 1. >> yes. >> seth: albert 2? >> no. >> seth: oh. >> mashed potatoes.
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>> sorry, he pushed it, before you hit me, he was smacking. >> josh: albert 1. belle. albert 2. albert 3. [ laughter ] daisy. >> no. >> josh: no. all right. >> okay. >> albert 1. baby belle. albert 2. albert 3. tulip. albert 4. [ laughter ] daisy. and albert 5. >> show us the answer, cassandra. that's right! >> seth: look at that! [ cheers and applause ] and yeah, we know it's weird we've named them all albert. [ laughter ] won't be the first time we're hearing it. that's the end of the dad round. let's take a look at the scores. it's josh with three, seth with one, mom with two, dad with one. josh, your time to ask the questions. [ cheers and applause ] >> oh, boy. ♪
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>> i put my phone number on it. [ laughter ] >> josh: there's only four numbers on here cassandra. >> it's enough. [ laughter ] >> josh: all right. this first one is -- right. you'll hit me and i'll know it's you. this first one's a deep cut. this is a request for a specific snack that had a song. finish this song. ♪ maybe not some milk but some ♪ >> mashed potatoes. [ laughter ] >> seth: cheese toast. >> josh: finish the song. >> seth: cheese toast cheese toast. >> josh: cassandra? [ applause ] >> i didn't remember that one. >> i didn't remember that one either. ♪ maybe not some milk but some cheese toast cheese toast cheese toast ♪ [ laughter ] >> now i remember it. >> seth: it was known more for it's tune than lyrics. >> josh: what according to an
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old nursery rhyme do the hippos have to do? >> squeeze through the gate. >> that doesn't count. she didn't hit him. you have to hit him first. squeeze through the gate. >> josh: do the whole thing and do it the way we do it. >> the hippos had to squeeze through the gate huffing and puffing and terribly late. >> no but it has to be the hippos had to "squee-eeze" through the gate huffing and puffing and terribly late. [ cheers and applause ] >> josh: based on the card. >> seth: oh, oh! [ cheers and applause ] >> josh: give that one to mom. >> thank you. >> seth: that's a mom point. >> josh: they have to squee-eeze through the gate. >> they do. anyone knows that. >> i didn't know that. >> josh: all right. last question. what would i have to shout at seth to get him to stop tickling me? >> mashed potatoes. >> seth: pee-pee? >> josh: cassandra? yeah! [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: all right. that's the end of our game.
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let's take a look at our scores. that is three for me, three for josh, three for mom, one for dad. it looks like everyone's a winner except dad! [ laughter ] tune in next year for another "how well do you know your meyers." and stay tuned because my mom's going to whip up my favorite snack. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ we have three chevy's here. alright. i want you to place this award on the podium next to the vehicle that you think was ranked highest in initial quality by j.d. power. hmm. can i look around at them? sure. highest ranking in initial quality. it's gotta be this one. this is it. you are wrong. really? actually it's all three. you tricked me. j.d. power ranked the chevy malibu, silverado half-ton and equinox highest in initial quality in their segments. that's impressive! i'm very surprised! i am. i'm very surprised. chevy hit three home runs. fortified.tored. replenished. emerge everyday with emergen-c
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packed with b vitamins, antioxidants, electrolytes plus more vitamin c than 10 oranges. why not feel this good everyday? emerge and see. give the gift of the better network. save up to 50% on our hottest android smartphones like the samsung galaxy s6. get the best deals and the better network. i absolutely love my new but the rent is outrageous. good thing geico offers affordable renters insurance.
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with great coverage it protects my personal belongings should they get damaged, stolen or destroyed. [doorbell] uh, excuse me. delivery. hey. lo mein, szechwan chicken, chopsticks, soy sauce and you got some fortune cookies. have a good one. ah, these small new york apartments... protect your belongings. let geico help you with renters insurance.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back to "late night." we're here with the whole meyers family and my mom hilary is going to teach us how to make, my favorite, her delicious party mix. but first we all have drinks. cheers. it is time in thanksgiving to have our cocktails. >> oh, wait just a minute. >> seth: okay that is of course the family tradition of my mom giving my father an umbrella when she thinks he orders too girlie a drink. [ laughter ] >> and correct me if i'm wrong, this is wicked girlie. >> seth: wicked girlie. [ laughter ] all right cheers. >> can you even drink it? >> no i don't to blind it. >> seth: all right cheers. so mom get us started on the chex mix. >> okay, so this is just a little bit of a variation from the actually one that's on the
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package. but here's what you do. you do four tablespoons of melted butter. >> seth: okay, lot of butter, that's good. >> but less than the actual party mix thing. >> seth: okay, great. >> now, i think the official party mix on the box says, like, two tablespoons of worcestershire sauce but i do half a cup. >> seth: okay. [ laughter ] >> oh, i hear that's -- i hear that's really good for you, worcestershire, i think. >> seth: yeah, that is really good. >> i don't think there's any sodium in there at all. >> seth: no it's really good. it's low sodium. >> low sodium. so anyhow, this is all no using another pan or another dish. you just do it right in the big pan. >> seth: okay, great. >> so nothing else is dirty. >> seth: now, this is something -- it should be noted when i was in college you would make chex mix and send it to me via the u.s. mail. >> yes. >> seth: and then -- >> wait a minute. and then there was one year you got it like a year later. [ laughter ] >> seth: this is a true story. >> true story. >> seth: the u.s. mail delivered my chex mix and i called my mom and thanked her and she said, "i haven't sent you chex mix in a year." [ laughter ] and then i spent a day thinking, "does chex mix goes bad?"
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[ laughter ] and then i started eating it. >> the answer of course -- [ laughter ] okay, three cups of wheat chex of course. >> seth: okay great. >> three cups of corn chex. >> seth: okay, some rice chex in there. >> rice chex as well. >> seth: okay. >> and actually at home i just take the box and i don't really measure. >> seth: okay great. >> you can tell what you have. >> seth: right. >> and then those little pretzels. >> seth: okay. great. >> and then peanuts. i try to make a container of peanuts do two batches of party mix. but this is -- if you get a serving of party mix and you don't have a peanut, it's a bad thing. >> seth: a handful without a peanut is such a loser. >> oh, i know. i know. you can't. [ laughter ] so anyhow, you stir this up and then put it in a 300 degree oven and every 15 minutes -- well you only do it twice. two times -- wait a minute. ten minutes. you take it out because sometimes it's too crunchy. however, these are the best bits when they're kind of burnt and they stick together like the worcestershire kind of glues them together. >> seth: uh-huh.
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>> so they have a real salty taste. >> seth: they say food's really good for you if anything looks glued. >> yeah? >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> okay, so that's all good. >> seth: okay. >> so then -- wait a minute. we got to eat some of this. yeah, that's about it. [ laughter ] right? >> seth: and so you went to a culinary school to learn how to do this? [ laughter ] >> well, no. [ laughter ] >> seth: thank you so much for teaching the world how to do this. i mean, i guess the only difference is jam the worcestershire sauce in there. >> that is the secret ingredient, that is. >> josh: give it a go. >> seth: yeah, give it a go. it's really worth it. >> and there's not a party that i go to and bring this that i have to bring anything home. >> seth: right. cause then people just eat it up. >> you can bring a deviled egg and nobody's going near those. but party mix, yeah. >> usually they boot us out. we don't have time to take it back. [ laughter ] >> seth: so that's how you make party mix. thank you so much mom for the instruction. and we will right back with more meyers family. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: thank you, all, so much for being with us tonight. i want to take a moment to say some of the things i am thankful for. i want to thank our incredible crew for not just being here this evening but being here throughout the year. they take such good care of us. give it up for the crew, everybody. [ cheers and applause ]
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i'm thankful for my staff. i'm thankful for my writing staff. nothing is better than going into work every day and laughing. and they truly do make me do that every single day. i want to thank my family for being here. i'm so happy to have them here. [ cheers and applause ] i want to thank the 8g band for being here as always. i want -- i'm very thankful for my incredible wife who is not here right now, but i'm especially more than anything i'm incredibly thankful about the fact that we are going to have our first baby. my wife is expecting. [ cheers and applause ] and obviously hopefully you can tell tonight i come from a family where we care about each other very much and it was -- when i told my parents, it was very emotional for me to tell them that i was having a child. and one of the things i'm worried about is that i won't be able to be as good of a parent to me as -- to my child as they were to me.
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i said to my father in this emotional moment i just hope i can be as good of a dad as you were to me and you said? >> probably not. [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: probably not. still the king. so i love you, alexi. thank you all for watching the show. i love you, alexi's family as well. love the ashe family. happy thanksgiving, everybody! >> happy thanksgiving. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> carson: welcome to "last call" i'm carson daly and we're coming your way tonight from 97.1 amp radio for the show.
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