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tv   Late Night With Seth Meyers  NBC  August 2, 2016 12:37am-1:38am PDT

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>> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- savannah guthrie, stars of "unreal", actresses shiri appleby and constance zimmer, comedian brendan eyre, featuring the 8g band with fred armisen and mary timony. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] good to hear. in that case, let's get to the news. there are now fewer than 100 days until the general election. or by hillary's count, 98 days,
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two hours, and 46 minutes! [ cheers ] many veterans' families are speaking out against donald trump after he began attacking the parents of a muslim-american soldier, calling trump repugnant. said trump, "i'm the most repugnant. no one is more repugnant than me. real quick, what does repugnant mean?" [ laughter ] after army father khizr khan's convention speech in which he pulled out a pocket-sized copy of the constitution, sales on amazon have skyrocketed, making it the second most purchased book. the first is "how to move to canada." [ light lauger when asked about his recent controversial comments on the muslim-american family, donald trump this weekend told interviewers that hillary clinton is the candidate that actually has a temperament problem. it's a brilliant political tactic sometimes referred to as "the herman maneuver." >> i know you are but what am i? >> seth: very smart. [ laughter and applause ]
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very classy. bernie sanders's campaign manager told interviewers that the clinton campaign has to be able to condense their 20-page policies into a bumper sticker. said a spokesperson for the clinton campaign, no problem. [ laughter ] bernie sanders's campaign manager said recently that he's worried too many democrats assume that hillary clinton will win easily, because they view donald trump as a buffoon. "did someone say balloon?", asked hillary. [ laughter ] [ applause ] after last week's democratic convention, analysts are saying that donald trump's likability rating has dropped by three points. so it now stands at negative three points. [ laughter ] taco bell has announced it will be testing out a new cheetos burrito, which is stuffed with beef, rice, nacho cheese and cheetos. said mexico, "fine, we'll pay
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for the wall. [ laughter ] just stop it." "the new york post" yesterday ran a cover story featuring nude photos of melania trump from a 1995 photo shoot. trump immediately decried the story as "tasteless" and "not even the best ones." [ laughter ] and finally, a group of scientists in belgium have developed a solar-powered machine that can turn urine into drinkable water that they plan on using to brew beer. scientists say that so far the hardest part is getting other people to call them scientists. [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight. [ cheers and applause ] she is the co-anchor of nbc's "today." savannah guthrie is back on the show tonight. [ cheers and applause ] from a fantastic show on lifetime -- season two is coming to a close -- "unreal." shiri appleby and constance zimmer are joining us. [ cheers and applause ] and we will have stand-up from brendan eyre. it is a great show.
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before we get to all that, however, donald trump sunk to yet another low this weekend when he attacked the parents of a muslim-american soldier killed in iraq. in fact, the last few days have provided several new reminders of just how unsuitable trump is to be president. for more on this it's time for "a closer look." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: you may remember at last week's democratic convention, khizr and ghazala khan, the parents of a soldier killed in iraq, spoke directly to donald trump in response to his proposed ban on muslim immigration, and asked him a question. >> let me ask you have you even read the united states constitution? [ cheers and applause ] i will -- i will gladly lend you my copy. >> seth: and of course, a pocket constitution is perfect for trump, because it will look regular sized in his tiny hands. [ laughter and applause ]
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now, any decent human being would simply respect the khans' loss and move on. but when asked about the criticism on abc this weekend, trump implied erroneously that ghazala khan was told not to speak at the convention. >> his wife, if you look at his wife she was standing there, she had nothing to say. she probably -- maybe she wasn't allowed to have anything to say. you tell me. but plenty of people have written that. she was extremely quiet. and it looked like she had nothing to say. a lot of people have said that. >> seth: i feel like trump needs to start giving us names when he says a lot of people have said that. because i bet 75% of them are twitter eggs. [ laughter ] so trump already responded with bigotry. let's see if he can make this worse by adding a dose of his trademark vanity and narcissism. >> he said you have sacrificed nothing and no one. how would you answer that father? what sacrifice have you made for your country? >> i think i've made a lot of sacrifices. i work very, very hard. i've created thousands and thousands of jobs.
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tens of thousands of jobs. built great structures. i've done -- i've had -- i've had tremendous success. i think i've done a lot. >> those are sacrifices? >> oh, sure, i think they're sacrifices. [ light laughter ] >> seth: having tremendous success is literally the opposite of making a sacrifice. [ laughter ] while he's reading that tiny constitution, trump might also want to check out his lil' dictionary. [ laughter ] and once again, rather than apologize, trump continued to defend himself, issuing a statement in which he managed to simultaneously claim he has read the constitution and also prove that he hasn't. "while i feel deeply for the loss of his son, mr. khan, who has never met me, has no right to stand in front of millions of people and claim i've never read the constitution, which is false, and say many other inaccurate things." he does have the right to say that, according to the constitution. [ cheers and applause ] you know, if you're going to insist you read the constitution, maybe don't swing and miss at the first amendment. [ laughter ]
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that's like saying, "i know the ten commandments. just ask my neighbor's wife, who i covet." [ laughter ] of course, for trump freedom of speech is a second amendment right, as his mouth technically qualifies as a handgun. [ laughter ] but trump's odious attacks on the family of a fallen soldier weren't the only thing he did this weekend that made it clear he is spectacularly unprepared to be president. he was also asked about his cozy relationship with vladimir putin and claimed unbelievably that he couldn't even remember if he'd met putin or not. >> what exactly is your relationship with vladimir putin? >> i have no relationship with putin. i have no relationship with him. >> but if you have no relationship with putin, then why did you say in 2013, "i do have a relationship." in 2014, i spoke-- >> because he has said nice things about me over the years. he said very nice things about me, but i have no relationship with him. >> yet you said for three years, '13, '14 and '15 that you did have a relationship with him. >> no. look, what do you call a relationship? i mean, he treats me -- >> i'm asking you. >> with great respect. i have no relationship with
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putin. i don't think i've ever met him. i never met him. i don't think i've ever met him. >> you would know it if you did, wouldn't you? >> i think so. yeah, i think so. [ light laughter ] >> seth: yeah, no offense, but i think i want a president who would remember meeting vladimir putin. [ laughter ] how many shark-eyed shirtless equestrians do you know? [ laughter ] but the truly baffling moment came when trump was asked about the gop softening its platform on russian aggression toward ukraine, and trump claimed that russia would not invade ukraine, seemingly unaware that russia already invaded ukraine two years ago and illegally annexed part of it. >> he's not gonna go into ukraine. you can mark it down. you can put it down. you can take it any way you want. >> he's already there, isn't he? >> okay. well, he's there in a certain way. but i'm not there yet. you have obama there. >> seth: he's there in a certain way but i'm not there yet. you have obama there. you seriously would have been better off with "homina homina homina." [ laughter and applause ] now, you might think trump's obvious lack of knowledge about basic world affairs might be a
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disadvantage in the upcoming debates against hillary clinton. and apparently trump seems to agree with you, because he's already trying to make excuses in order to get out of them. >> let's talk about debates. are you going to accept the recommendations of the debate commission? three debates, one v.p. debate? >> well, i'll tell you what i don't like. it's against two nfl games. i got a letter from the nfl saying this is ridiculous, why are the debates against -- because the nfl doesn't want to go against the debates, because the debates are going to be pretty massive from what i understand. okay? >> seth: i have to say, i like imagining the nfl writing donald trump a letter. "dearest donald, it is with heavy heart that i gazed upon the debate schedule to see that we are hurtling towards a conflict. i do not wish to compete with you, dear friend, so please do everything in your power to rectify the situation. as ever, your devoted and loving league, football." [ laughter and applause ] and of course almost immediately trump was caught in another lie when the nfl issued this statement, quote, "while we'd
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obviously wish the debate commission could find another night, we did not send a letter to mr. trump." [ light laughter ] even the nfl is distancing itself from trump, and they're in business with the man who kidnapped peyton manning. you let him go, papa john! [ laughter ] this also reveals something deep about the republican party, because a normal, healthy, functioning political party would disavow and ostracize a candidate who attacked the family of a fallen soldier. or seemed not to know that russia had already invaded ukraine. instead, house speaker paul ryan issued a statement that didn't even mention trump by name, saying, quote, "a religious test for entering our country is not reflective of america's fundamental values. i reject it." ryan should just add, "and if i ever find out who's saying this stuff, there's going to be big trouble!" [ laughter ] ryan's like a mom saying, "who ate the chocolate cake?" while trump has icing all over his face. [ laughter ] even worse than ryan's acrobatics are those of trump's running mate, mike pence, who tried to fix things with a statement saying, "donald trump
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and i believe captain humayun khan is an american hero and his family, like all gold star families, should be cherished by every american." mike pence is finding out that being trump's v.p. is like being a fireman who has an arsonist as a roommate. [ light laughter ] "what happened?" "no idea. put a bunch of rags in the oven and next thing i knew, foosh." [ laughter ] pence even kept a straight face when he said in response to obama calling trump a demagogue in his convention speech, "name calling has no place in public life." do you really think donald trump's running mate can take an anti-name calling position? that's like tim kaine saying pantsuits have no place at ann taylor loft. [ laughter ] this is a problem. while our country is still filled with principled conservatives, the republican party seems incapable of expelling a demagogue like trump. even john mccain, who publicly denounced trump today, is still supporting him. and if you support and denounce the same person, then you don't know the definition of at least one of those words. [ laughter ] and maybe you need to borrow trump's lil' dictionary. this has been "a closer look." ♪
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>> seth: welcome back, everybody! and give it up for the 8g band right over there. [ cheers and applause ] also, we are so excited and honored. sitting in all week with the great 8g band, she's an incredible guitar player and songwriter who's fronts the washington, d.c. based rock band ex hex. mary timony, everybody. give it up for mary. [ cheers and applause ] and be sure to pick up the debut album from ex hex, "rips", on merge records available now. it's a fantastic album that i love. and also, you guys, fred armisen is here. give it up for fred. [ cheers and applause ] so happy that fred's here. i miss you so much when you're gone. >> fred: i miss you, seth. >> seth: and you were just in l.a. with bill hader. we were talking about season two of our show "documentary now!" which is very exciting. >> fred: yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: and you're working on season -- what is it, season 55 of "portlandia." [ cheers ] >> fred: season 55. >> seth: and yet with all the work you do in tv, you still are a great lover of television. you watch tv all the time. >> fred: i love tv. >> seth: and in fact you love it so much that -- i'm always complaining there's too much tv, we're at peak tv.
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it's too hard to watch all the shows that are on. but you claim you watch every episode of every show. >> fred: there's not enough tv. >> seth: there's not enough tv. [ laughter ] so you watch every episode of every show? >> fred: everything. >> seth: and so that means it's time once again for fred armisen's extremely accurate tv recap. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: okay, so if this is true that you watch every episode of every tv show, you will be able to tell me what the show "dead of summer" on freeform, on the channel freeform is. [ laughter ] >> fred: so that's on freeform. you watch freeform, right? >> seth: no, i've never seen the show. >> fred: oh, but freeform's a great channel. and so -- [ light laughter ] this show is great. i mean, have you watched any of it at all? >> seth: no. i've never seen a single episode of "dead of summer." >> fred: not the pilot, nothing -- >> seth: no. not any of it. >> fred: not a clip? >> seth: not even a clip. >> fred: it's great. it's this beach town. >> seth: okay. >> fred: and there's like four people who live there, right? and so they get this dna kit. right? [ laughter ] they open the box and they all have to sort of like, you know,
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like sort of spit into these little cups. you know like -- [ laughter ] we want to see what our ancestry is. so they put it in the box. and they mail it off. but at the place where it gets sent they mix it up. >> seth: okay. >> fred: but. then they get it right again. [ laughter ] >> seth: okay. >> fred: so they get a box -- >> seth: before they send it back? >> fred: before they send it back. at first there was a mix-up, then it's fine. [ laughter ] but then they get delivered to the wrong houses on the beach. >> seth: okay. >> fred: or cabanas. has anyone -- does anyone know the show? well, anyway. [ laughter ] so they all get the wrong box and they figure it out. they go, "you know what? these are addressed to the wrong people." so they start switching. and all the switching, they start getting sort of like dizzy from the sort of boxes. [ laughter ] you know, and they get caught up with the sun. so they go swimming and the rest of the episode is them swimming. and they're great swimmers. [ laughter ] and they're -- >> seth: wow. >> fred: yeah, really good swimmers. >> seth: that's fantastic. that's "dead of summer."
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now, the description that i read said in the 1980s an idyllic midwestern summer camp is terrorized by a dark and supernatural force. >> fred: that's -- okay. that's the sort of prequel to that. >> seth: okay, got it. [ laughter ] >> fred: so that's correct. >> seth: fantastic. >> fred: yeah. >> seth: well, both versions sound great. thank you so much. >> fred: thank you. >> seth: give it up for fred armisen, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] you guys, our first guest tonight is an emmy-winning co-anchor of "today", which airs weekday mornings on nbc. please welcome back to the show our good friend savannah guthrie, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: how are you? >> hi! i'm pregnant. >> seth: i know. congratulations. that's so exciting. >> yes. >> seth: how has work been? how have your early hours been with being pregnant? is it okay? >> you know, it's not bad. i just got back from the conventions and i did early and late, so that was getting to be a little bit tiring. >> seth: so this is better. to back in your routine. >> just back at getting up in the middle of the night like people do.
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>> seth: now, the thing i want to ask you about is it was very hot in philadelphia at the convention. >> yes, it was. >> seth: and -- but you as a pregnant lady, you held it together pretty well. carson daly, a non-pregnant -- >> carson. >> seth: yeah. >> no. >> seth: man, this is an actual photo of how much he was sweating. [ laughter ] >> yes. >> seth: that's not okay, right? >> no. and it's so funny. we were like, "is that a gag shirt? are you going it tear it off?" but no, that was his actual amount of sweat. it was very hot in philadelphia. >> seth: it was very hot. but you look -- i mean, you look incredible there. >> thank you. meanwhile, matt was as cool as a cucumber too. it was just carson who was like the guy from "broadcast news." like, dripping sweat. [ light laughter ] >> seth: now, covering conventions i imagine -- particularly someone in your position and being a journalist -- people must accuse you of bias all the time. >> yes, they do. on both sides. >> seth: on both sides. >> so that's how i'm like okay, it kind of all comes out in the wash. >> seth: right. and now is that something you work very hard to avoid or do you think it's unavoidable at this point? >> i'm coming to the conclusion
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it's a little unavoidable to not be accused of bias. of course i work really hard to just play it straight. i think most journalists, mainstream journalists do. >> seth: right. >> whether or not we succeed is for someone else to judge. but, yeah, i try pretty hard. i try to ask a hard question, at least one, of every interviewer, every interview that i do. >> seth: well i think people sometimes confuse bias with just having an opinion, which seems like an okay thing to have. >> yeah. >> seth: people without opinions are dreadfully boring to be around. >> everyone has opinions. but it isn't our role. it's not my role to insert my opinion. >> seth: now, but you can have -- be accused of bias even when you're being completely innocuous on twitter. >> yes. and i have learned that. i mean, during the convention -- this was like for me, i was like, okay throw in the towel. i tweeted during donald trump's speech, because i had prepared remarks that i was following along with, and i looked at the page numbers and i just tweeted "this speech is halfway over." and people were like, "do you consider yourself unbiased?" [ light laughter ] i got this rash of mean -- it was like this, wait, this is a statement of fact.
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so then the following week, i don't know whose speech it was -- it was bernie's or somebody. i was like, "this speech is halfway over." just to demonstrate that fair is fair. >> seth: i am the person to turn to when you want to know when we're halfway. [ laughter ] >> i can count pages. >> seth: i can count pages. >> exactly. come to me. >> seth: you got to interview president obama the night before his speech at the dnc convention. did you find that to be a revealing interview? >> you know, it's always a privilege to interview the president of the united states. so it's interesting. i think when i saw what he did in his speech the next day, i had to laugh because all of my questions, i was like totally fishing for the same stuff, but he was very measured and circumspect in our interview. and then he gave the speech and kind of let loose. >> seth: well he was saving. he didn't want to give you his best stuff. >> yeah, he was like, "yeah, good question. tell you tomorrow night." >> seth: and you got -- congratulations, because you got to the bottom of almond-gate. >> yes. >> seth: there was an article in the "new york times" that said obama's favorite time is late at night when he can actually get his reading done.
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and he said in the article, was it seven or eight almonds? >> seven almonds. yes. so this "times" article was all about, you know, the nighttime president. he's a night owl, he reads books, he does this at night, he plays pool. and one of the things that was mentioned was the anecdote was that he eats exactly seven almonds for a late-night snack. which i just thought was one of the funniest things i'd ever read. [ light laughter ] >> seth: i thought it was both funny and then it made me feel terrible about myself, because every time i eat 50 almonds -- >> yeah. >> seth: i would think "i'm never going to be president." >> i'm like i have seven snickers bars. >> seth: yes. >> how about that? >> seth: seven almonds is scary. that is -- i realized oh, you might be crazier than trump. >> i was just imagine him being like one, two -- so, i studied for the interview. i had the whole thing ready. and then i was like, you know at the very end i'm just going to ask him about it. and my question was so like, "when you leave the white house, do you think you might let yourself go and have nine or ten almonds?" but actually, he was really funny about it. he really wanted to talk about it. he said that was a joke. michelle and their good friend sam katz, who was the white house chef, used to tease him
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about how disciplined -- he'd just have almonds, he wouldn't eat doritos or whatever. and that they'd say, "and look, you count out exactly seven almonds." he was like, "i do not count out seven almonds." >> seth: so you did him the favor. he got to tell you that he was not as anal as people thought he was. >> yes. and by the way, he said that word. >> seth: oh, he did? >> yeah, he did in the interview. 'cause when he said it, he said, "all my friends were calling me saying, 'man, this is kind of weird. are you really counting out your almonds? that's kind of anal.'" and like my inner dialogue was like, "did you just say anal?" and like -- [ laughter ] if i were to read the transcripts of every president, like do you think that word has ever appeared? >> seth: no, i think it's -- i think it was said in a different way. [ laughter ] >> yeah. >> seth: yeah. i think like richard nixon like thought the press was, you know. yeah. >> yeah. yeah, yeah, yeah. so, you know we all have our career highlights. >> seth: there you go. congratulations. now, this is -- obviously it's intimidating talking to any president no matter what party they are. but is it true that obama, the most intimidating thing is when he uses your name?
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>> well, it's sort of funny. i mean, when he uses your name in certain context, you know it's not in a friendly way. and i -- i've interviewed -- this was the sixth time i've interviewed him actually. because i was a white house correspondent over the years. >> seth: sure. >> and it's just funny. if you look at it, whenever he's getting kind of irritated with a line of questioning, he drops my name. it's almost like a -- almost like a curse word. >> seth: yeah. >> you know he's like -- "i'm not going to re-litigate this, savannah." he just said to me with -- when i was asking about hillary clinton's e-mails. another time i interviewed him, we talked a lot about syria and he said, "you've asked me about this three times, savannah." >> seth: oh, yeah. >> but then you know i'm just like, "wow, so he does know my name. okay, cool." [ laughter ] >> seth: of the trade-off, you'll say, he's mad at me, but he knows my name. [ laughter ] >> i'm on his nerves but -- >> seth: and i found this -- obviously i have not interviewed the same people that you do, but we do have every now and then politicians on the show. i find it -- the hardest thing with politicians is they like to talk uninterrupted. >> yes. >> seth: because they kind of know what they want to say. they know the message they want to get out.
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they don't really want to be put on the spot. is it hard especially with someone like president obama, to -- when do you decide, oh i'm going to cut him off here, because this is too much? >> it's one of the trickiest things, because not only are i think most presidents fairly long-winded, the white house for strategic reasons and also just timing reasons they give you a really short amount of time. >> seth: sure. >> so you know, i've got all these questions and i've got 15 minutes and you've got a person sitting across from you who is capable of giving a ten minute answer. so you have to interrupt. i mean, it's just -- you have to. but it goes against like all your good training as a human being. like your mom said at dinner don't interrupt, let the person finish. you can't. and that's true whether it's president obama or donald trump on the phone. i mean, you just -- it's part of our job. you have to get in there and interrupt. but -- >> seth: well i found there are certain people like, you know president bill clinton, he was here once and i remember saying "how are you?" and about six minutes later realizing we're going to have to go to commercial soon and i haven't talked yet. >> oh yeah. >> seth: yeah. >> and the inner panic where
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he's -- because the president is very thoughtful and he's into the nuance. and you can ask a point blank question and then it goes on and on. then it might be entering into some other areas. and i just -- like getting time cues, eight minutes, six minutes. 'cause i'm like -- okay, but -- you know, so i have my techniques. the last couple times it's to say, "well, we can talk about the probabilities later, but yes or no." >> seth: oh, that's really good. >> yeah, exactly. or "let's just bottom line it." >> seth: and he says, "yes, savannah." [ laughter ] >> yeah, exactly. i was out of time, actually. they were like, cut we are out of time. i said, wait i just have to ask you about the almonds. >> seth: oh, that's good. >> i knew he'd be -- i knew he'd think that's funny. >> seth: then he brightened up, because he finally got to let him reveal his true self. that he's a 12-almond guy. >> yeah, exactly. [ laughter ] he goes crazy. >> seth: yeah, he goes crazy with almonds. thank you so much for being here and congratulations again. >> my pleasure. [ cheers and applause ] thank you for having me. >> seth: always great to see you. savannah guthrie, everyone. "today" airs weekday mornings on nbc. we'll be right back with shiri appleby and constance zimmer. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody. our next guests star as rachel and quinn on the hit series "unreal." the season finale airs next monday night on lifetime. let's take a look. >> let me entertain you. >> why? >> because i want back in. >> i'm listening. >> okay. well, you need something that you can build an episode on and one that people will be talking about tomorrow. >> mmm. i know that look. who's your target? >> yeah. >> oh. >> real rachel versus hot rachel. go for it. >> seth: please welcome to the show shiri appleby and constance zimmer. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: hi, guys. how are you? >> great.
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>> seth: congratulations on your show. >> thank you. >> seth: it is fantastic. and congratulations, constance. you were nominated for an emmy >> thank you. >> seth: just a couple weeks ago. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. >> seth: and you -- usually when this happens you hear right away. you did not hear right away. so you thought that this did not happen. >> well, i -- thanks to my husband, who is what i like to call a realist. he said, "you know, you haven't gotten any phone calls. so, maybe you didn't get nominated." but the problem was we were actually in france and i had no wi-fi, i had no cell signal. nobody could get in touch with me. so i was like scrolling twitter. i was scrolling everything i could to just find out what had happened. he just kept saying, "well, when the phone rings maybe we'll know." [ light laughter ] >> seth: so there you go. >> it took like a half hour. >> seth: all right, good. well, congratulations. >> thank you. >> seth: now, this show is fantastic. for those who doesn't know, it takes place behind the scenes on a "bachelor", "bachelorette"-type show. >> right. >> seth: and is it true now that the actual "bachelor" is borrowing things from your show? >> i feel like they're grasping for storylines at this point. >> seth: yeah, they've been on a
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long time. >> they -- yeah, like last season we gave some of the contestants some magazines to sort of reference and freak out, and i know that that's something that happened on the show this season. and you're starting to hear the producers talking. so we're feeling like maybe we're having some sort of influence on that show. >> seth: and that's wonderful. >> i mean, we take it as a compliment. >> seth: as you should. >> yeah. >> seth: you know, one of the things that i think is so unique and is such an interesting take on this show is obviously we watch "the bachelor", we watch shows like that and we think so much about the contestants and we think so much about the kind of people they are. >> right. >> seth: this show tells us about the kind of people the producers are and, of course, they are as flawed as the contestants. do you guys feel like the people you play are bad people. >> no. absolutely not. [ light laughter ] >> i mean, like, this season we like locked someone in a closet. >> seth: yeah. >> what's wrong with that? >> we like accidentally got somebody shot. >> seth: yeah. >> it wasn't our fault. >> we're good intentioned people. >> it's true. >> seth: good intentioned . your characters are good intentioned people. >> yes. >> that's right. >> seth: but you -- i mean, again, no offense. quinn, particularly vicious.
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do you have to -- >> thank you. >> seth: is it true you have to apologize sometimes to the other actors on set, because of how awful your character is? >> yes, yes, yes. no, i do because it is -- it is very hard for people to understand sometimes, especially when they're not there on the day that i'm shooting the scene, i do a lot -- when i improv stuff is when i get in trouble, because then they think, "wait, does she really think that about me?" i'm like, "no, i'm in character!" but it's very hard, because i'm apologizing to everybody whenever they say cut. i always say sorry to the cameramen, if i offended you. if i offended the person in the band. i'm so sorry. i just like -- anyone that's around me. and then always at table reads everyone i don't see i go, "now when you watch this episode, i'm sorry, because i'm not very nice about you." >> seth: but you two, because your characters can be a little cruel to one another, yet you seem to get along perfectly fine in real life. >> it's acting, isn't it? such a strange thing. >> seth: it's crazy. [ light laughter ] >> yeah, we really like each other. which makes, i think, being evil
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and horrible kind of fun. >> seth: that's great. and now this show is sort of a breakout scripted series for lifetime. >> yes. >> seth: i know, sort of, i had a different idea of what lifetime was and when this show started it gave me a different idea of what the show was. >> right. >> seth: did you guys have any hesitation of doing a show on lifetime when it first started? >> i mean -- >> see we both got sent the scripts around the same time. i chose to read the script. >> i chose to not read it. >> seth: okay. [ light laughter ] >> and so i made an original pilot. constance wasn't in it. the show got picked up. then, i think, constance you said no to the show like maybe 562 times before you actually wanted to read it. >> i think the last number is more correct. two times. >> okay. >> seth: okay, got it. >> sorry. >> two times. >> no, i mean, look, it is unlike anything that lifetime has ever done. so it was a lot for us to have faith in them that they were going to keep it true to what it was, which is very dark and very dirty and very gritty. and i do believe that they were so unbelievably behind this project that if this had been on any other network it would not have been as successful.
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>> seth: you talk about how it's a little dirty. your characters, rachel and quinn, got tattoos first episode this season, on the wrist. >> right. >> seth: do you guys want to say what the tattoos say? >> i mean, can we say it? >> seth: yeah you can say it. >> yeah. they say money dick power. >> seth: money dick power. [ laughter ] >> it's like a -- it's a grocery list. >> right. [ laughter ] >> seth: and is that -- that's the order? [ applause ] >> that's right. >> seth: i guess with the wrist it depends what angle you're reading it at. if you go after money first or power first. >> that's true. >> seth: the important thing is just -- >> dick. >> seth: that the dick's in the middle. [ laughter ] can you show us? do you guys have your tattoos, what they look like. >> well, no -- wait, no, yes we have them. >> seth: yeah. well, show them. just so people know what they look like. >> oh. [ laughter ] well -- >> we were just -- because the point -- well. [ light laughter ] >> we had to get the tattoos. >> seth: right. >> yeah. >> right. >> seth: so do you have -- you have children. >> right. >> we do. >> seth: do they ever ask what
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that means? >> money dick and power? >> seth: yeah. >> the power one is the one we feel the most uncomfortable explaining. >> seth: really? >> yeah. the children look at it, and you're just -- it's not coming off. >> and i just say dick is short for richard. >> seth: oh, there you go. [ light laughter ] >> yeah. you know, and that i like a guy named richard. >> seth: there you go. and they say , "why do you like him?" and you say, "he has money and power." [ laughter ] >> exactly. >> seth: congratulations. it is such a unique show. and i'm so glad it's on tv. and congratulations on being nominated. >> thank you so much. >> thank you. >> seth: shiri appleby and constance zimmer, everyone. [ cheers and applause ] the season finale of "unreal" airs monday, august 8th on lifetime. we'll be right back with more "late night." [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody. here at "late night" we do a monologue every night. our monologue jokes are meant for everyone to enjoy. but sometimes it's fun for us to tell some real, like real specific jokes that only a small group of people will get. [ light laughter ] which brings us to a segment we call "let's get specific." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: okay. here are tonight's extremely specific jokes. the first joke is specifically for i.t. guys. so if you're not an i.t. guy, don't worry if you don't get it. here it goes. how do poor i.t. guys get to work? they take the scsi bus. [ light laughter ] >> yes. i'm an i.t. guy. that checks out. [ laughter ] >> seth: very glad you liked it. the next joke is specifically
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for fans of the anime cartoon "dragon ball z." hope you enjoy it. why does goku love being a super-saiyan? because blonds have more fun. [ laughter ] >> dude! a "dragon ball z" joke? at first i thought that this show was lame, but now i know it's super kuwaii. [ light laughter ] man, you're funnier than majin buu. [ light laughter ] >> seth: thanks. this one's for designers in the shoe industry. why did the sandal think it could fight the lion? because it was a stupid gladiator. >> ha, ha, ha! [ light laughter ] finally someone giving the footwear industry what for. scandalous. or should i say sandal-ous? ha, ha, ha. now i'm doing it! [ laughter ] >> seth: this one is for enthusiasts of the breed of dog norwegian elkhound. where is a norwegian elkhound's favorite place?
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the shed. [ light laughter ] >> the shed. [ laughter ] shed. [ laughter ] because they shed a lot. [ laughter ] my norwegian elkhound sheds a lot. yes. thank you. [ laughter ] >> seth: i'm really, really, really glad you enjoyed it that much. this next joke is very specific. it's for people who have swallowed a harmonica. [ light laughter ] and to get it you have to know there are two kinds of harmonicas, one of the two being a diatonic harmonica. here it goes. how did the woman swallow a harmonica? she drank a gin and diatonic. >> ha, ha, ha! [ harmonica sound ] [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> seth: it's nice -- it's nice that you can still laugh.
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[ laughter ] lastly, this is the most specific of all. it's for people who were in show choir at benson high school between 1992 and 1996. who was the only person to pass mr. renchy's final exam? sherry helmer. because she was giving him a solo, if you know what i mean. >> oh! too far. [ light laughter ] >> seth: their relationship was more complicated than the choreography for the second chorus of "bear necessities." >> okay. i shouldn't laugh. but it's true. [ laughter ] >> seth: that's all for "let's get specific." we'll be right back with brendan eyre. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ with kindness" playing)
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: our next guest is a very funny comedian and co-host of the podcast called "the rad dudecast", which is available on itunes. please welcome brendan eyre. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> hello. hello. i tried to impress a girl. i shaved. i shaved my area. but i forgot to shave my belly. so now i just look like a dog that's had surgery. [ laughter ] it's not a good look. my waist looks like the property line between a rich family and a poor family's house. [ light laughter ] my ass is just the woods across the street. [ light laughter ]
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don't go in the woods. [ laughter ] maybe pop a finger in the woods. [ laughter ] i was a kid in school whose mom packed a healthy lunch. that was the worst. my mom would give me like a little baggie with seven almonds in it. [ laughter ] carol, what is this? i'm getting ready for recess, not swimsuit season. [ laughter ] you couldn't trade for anything when you're a kid with a healthy lunch. right? you know what the exchange rate is on a bag of baby carrots? it's one pringle. [ laughter ] that's not even enough pringles to make my mouth look like a duck. [ laughter and applause ]
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thank you. all i ever wanted for lunch was lunchables. right? lunchables were the greatest thing to ever happen to packaging. right? i say packaging, because take whatever was inside a lunchable package out, put it into a brown paper bag, and try and convince someone it's lunch. [ laughter ] i dare you. "i got like three crackers. and some wet meat disks. [ laughter ] you know, lunch." [ laughter ] "dude, why are you eating a communion wafer with ketchup on it?" [ laughter ] "what, you mean why am i eating this delicious pizza? [ laughter ] don't be jealous, man.
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i've got like 1/30 of a butterfinger for dessert. i'm going to wash it down with 2 1/2 ounces of capri sun." [ laughter ] even the name, right? they even know like, "hey, is that lunch?" "it's lunchable." [ laughter ] [ applause ] my car broke down. that was a bummer. the mechanic called me and he said, "your radiator's shot. what do you want to do?" i said, "i probably want to get a second opinion from someone who knows how to pronounce radiator." [ laughter ] so i was thinking, "i don't know, did you check the spork plugs? [ laughter ] what about that trans-mishi-own." he said radiator. he's a professional. that would be like if you went to the doctor and he was like, "ugh, we've got to get you checked out for cologne cancer." [ laughter ]
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i was in one of those big chain drugstores with a friend of mine. and she pointed out those handheld shoulder massagers they sell, those little ones. she goes, "those aren't shoulder massagers." she goes, "those are vibrators." no one uses those as shoulder massagers. they sell them as that maybe for a woman who's embarrassed to go to a sex store or so the drugstore can get away with selling vibrators. right? and that irritated me, because they don't sell any equivalent products there for men. you know what i mean. like i can't walk in there and just be like, "hey, what's that tube?" and the guy's like, "oh, this? this is to put lotion on a baby's arm. [ laughter ] their little arms get dry. just rub it right in there. [ laughter ] go as fast or slow as you want.
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usually it's the dads that take care of the baby arm skin, we find." [ laughter ] "oh, man. i don't have any kids. i do know some dry babies. i'll take one. i will take one." [ laughter ] thank you guys very much. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. >> seth: brendan eyre, everybody! that was great. "the rad dudecast" is available on itunes. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ]
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: my thanks to savannah guthrie, shiri appleby and constance zimmer. brendan eyre, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] mary timony, fred armisen and the 8g band. stay tuned for carson daly. we'll see you tomorrow. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪


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