tv Late Night With Seth Meyers NBC January 12, 2017 12:37am-1:38am PST
for a long time, before they were in the white house. is that true? >> i met president obama when he was running for senator. he came to my studio, to wonderland studios with steve -- my good friend steve makiva. and we talked about me doing a a benefit for him for senator. and i went to chicago and did that. but i remember the night -- the last part of the night i said, "you know what? i know that you want to be senator, but let's pray that you become president of the united states. [ cheers and applause ] and you know, prayers do come true. and that was a magical moment. because i really believed from the very beginning, even before he was senator that he was going to be president. he had the right kind of spirit. and he was connected with not just, you know, those our age but millennials and people, period, of all ethnicities. and then to have a wonderful queen as his wife. [ cheers and applause ]
>> jimmy: you know, that's the story, that they first -- you guys first got together because you liked stevie wonder. he was playing -- >> that was a prerequisite. he had to be able to play ball and he had to like stevie wonder. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you're the whole reason this happened. you're the whole reason this happened. yes, stevie wonder. >> and i'm not mad about that. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i want to thank you so much for being here tonight. thank you guys for being here tonight. and of course, i want to thank the first lady michelle obama for being part of everything. [ cheers and applause ] thank the audience for being here today. you guys were fantastic. [ cheers and applause ] jerry seinfeld, dave chappelle. the roots, right there, from philadelphia, pennsylvania. [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you so much for watching. have a great night. i hope to see you tomorrow. bye, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- andrew garfield star of "the book of love," actress mary steenburgen music from colony house featuring the 8g band with fred armisen. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies andentlemen, seth meyers. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening i'm seth meyers, this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [cheers and applause] in that case, let's get to the news. [ laughter ] cnn reported yesterday that russian operatives have secret personal information on donald trump. is it his phone number? asked eric. [ laughter ] during his farewell address last night, president obama
complimented michelle obama for her grace and grit, which i assume are the names of her arms. [ laughter and applause ] you don't want to mess with grace, and you don't mess with grit. so, eat your vegetables. [ laughter ] during his speech last night, president obama told the crowd, america is not a fragile thing. oh, thank god, because i didn't want to say anything, but two months ago we dropped it on the ground so hard. [ laughter and applause ] for real. [ cheers and applause ] buzzfeed yesterday released an unverified report, alleging that donald trump hired prostitutes to perform a golden showers urination show -- [ light laughter ] in a bed where president obama and the first lady had stayed in moscow. "um, that's what happened in my bed, too," said eric. [ laughter and applause ]
donald trump seemingly dismissed unverified reports that he hired prostitutes to perform golden showers in russia, saying he was, "very much of a germaphobe." i guess that's why when he meets beautiful women, he doesn't grab them by the hand. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] during president obama's farewell speech last night, someone in the audience was heard chanting "four more years." unfortunately, it was this guy. [ laughter ] during donald trump's press conference this morning, his lawyer referenced a table with stacks of manila folders to show the complexity of the paperwork separating trump from his business interests, and not, as i had assumed to give us an idea what the wall with mexico might look like. [ laughter ] [ as trump ] we're going to do it all with folders. [ laughter ] we're going to save a lot of money.
today was national secret pal day, said a man who was asked not to come back to the playground. [ laughter ] anybody looking for a secret pal? [ laughter ] and finally, taco bell announced today that it will launch a taco with a shell made of fried chicken. called, "the naked chicken chalupa." so it looks like i'm going to need a new nickname for my penis. [ laughter and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight. he stars in an incredible new movie, from director martin scorcese, "silence." andrew garfield is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] fantastic actor. also from the film "the book of love", mary steenburgen is back on the show tonight. [ cheers and applause ] so excited for her. and we have music from a great indy rock band, colony house is joining us tonight. [cheers and applause] they've been here before, so happy they're back. this is our first week back after the holidays, and i haven't had a chance to talk
about this yet, but i had a fantastic holiday with my wife and our 9 month old son ash. we flew to see my wife's family and then we flew home. and it was the first time we've flown with ash since he's been sort of -- he's mobile now. like, not mobile that -- he crawls around, he just wants to like, move around a lot. so he was not sleeping much on the plane, and also he only wants to be with his mother at this point. so he is her burden on the flight, just constantly having to keep him entertained. meanwhile, i'm watching movies, i'm having a grand old time. [ laughter ] i check in. i'm like -- [ laughter ] i'm a present father. [ laughter ] but at one point, my wife just hit her breaking point, said will you please take ash for an hour, just an hour, so i can sleep. and i said sure thing. i have this. you have nothing to worry about. and my wife put on her eye shade, and she went and she closed her eyes. and i'm not joking, she has been with the eye shade on for not even a minute, and i've got ash in my lap, and he's like putting his hands on my face.
and i'm laughing and we're having fun. and then he puts a finger up my nose. [ laughter ] and with his little tiny baby nail just like opens it up. and immediately i have the worst bloody nose, it's so bad that the stewardess sees it, and just comes over and is like, "oh my god, are you okay?" i'm like, "i think i'm fine. i think i'm okay." so, my wife takes up her eye shade, and you could just tell she's like, "what the [ bleep ]?" [ laughter ] it's been 60 seconds and there's blood everywhere, the baby doesn't know what's going on, and so she took him back. and i just want to say i'm really sorry. [ cheers and applause ] moving on, i'm sorry, i will try to do a better job. i like that little stinker. my son's a smart boy, though, i do not want to be with you. [ laughter ] moving on, there have been several contradictory and unverified reports in the last day about donald trump's relationship with russia, this brings us to a segment called "a couple things." ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
>> seth: first thing, last night cnn published this bombshell report. "intel chiefs presented trump with claims of russian efforts to compromised him." but then today, nbc news contradicted that story, reporting that donald trump wasn't told about unverified russian dossiers. so basically, in the immortal words of our president-elect -- >> what the hell is going on? [ laughter ] >> seth: now, buzzfeed also reported on this story, but handled it very differently, publishing the 35-page dossier, that detailed the unverified allegations. and it's worrisome to publish allegations like this without a shred of evidence. look, nobody wants to believe that trump paid russian hookers to pee all over a bed more than i do. [ laughter ] but there is zero proof that happened. plus i find it hard to believe that trump actually paid somebody for services rendered. [ laughter and applause ] in all seriousness, i haven't been this shocked by buzzfeed since their quiz told me i was a carrie, when i am so obviously a
miranda. [ laughter ] ask anyone who knows me. second thing, even if russian operatives did claim to have compromising information on trump, you know who else does? all of us! [ laughter ] for example, while everyone was talking about these wild claims today, trump was announcing that he will not divest from his business empire, and admitting that a foreign entity offered him a massive amount of money just this weekend. >> over the weekend, i was offered $2 billion to do a deal in dubai, with a very, very, very amazing man. a great, great developer from the middle east. hussain damac. a friend of mine. great guy. [ laughter ] and i turned it down. >> seth: he wants credit for not committing an impeachable offense. [ laughter ] [ as trump ] "also china tried to buy rhode island, and i said no way. [ laughter ] certainly not at that price." [ laughter ] third thing, today trump called these new reports fake news. so despite an incredibly short
run, i think it is time to retire that term. it used to be one thing, but now everybody is using it for everything. "fake news," as a term is busted. it's like the first time you heard your dad say "fo shizzle", and immediately thought, "well that's over." [ laughter ] final thing, the irony, of course, is that trump built his political career spreading a false and outrageous claim about president obama. and continued making baseless allegations throughout the campaign. so when you hear kellyanne conway dismiss these allegations as nonsense from the internet. you may think that's a good defense, or you may also remember the times trump said stuff like this. >> forget the press. read the internet. i do get a lot of honesty over the internet. all i know is what's on the internet. >> seth: all i know is what's on the internet. [ laughter ] so basically, trump has made his own bed and he's peeing in it. allegedly, allegedly. [ cheers and applause ] this has been "a couple things." ♪ we'll be right back with andrew garfield, everybody. ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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entire week. [ cheers and applause ] fred, congratulations. series season seven of "portlandia" airing right now on ifc. [ cheers and applause ] and yet, despite that i always hear about other things you have going on. and i could not believe i heard this today. trump obviously, is putting together his cabinet, and there have been cabinet hearings, secretary of defense, secretary of state, secretary of education, is it true that you are up for a cabinet position? >> fred: yes! >> seth: which cabinet position? >> fred: it's hiring all the extras. >> seth: so you're secretary of extras? >> fred: yes, so for a lot of his press conferences and stuff -- like he wants to, sort of, feather it with people. [ laughter ] you know, just like in the background and stuff. so i'm hiring them all, trying to make it look really good. [ laughter ] and like get people from different states and stuff and make sure they dress nice and make sure that like when they're talking, you know, like they're not talking out loud. so it's like -- that kind of thing, you know. [ laughter ] >> seth: right, you don't want to hear them during a press
conference or a rally, you want to hear him. >> fred: exactly. but you still want to make it look like it's active. >> seth: yeah. >> fred: so that they're like talking to each other and like you know, all that kind of stuff. >> seth: now -- do you ever worry sometimes that one of your extras, once you tell them that, it'll be obvious that they're not saying anything? >> fred: i worry so much about that every day. and i think that's why i was hired. because i care. i care about every one of these guys. >> seth: can you show me a good example of an extra bad fake talking and an extra good fake talking? >> fred: good fake talking is like when you're just like --. >> seth: that's great. >> fred: but this whole like -- >> seth: and is that a big problem for the secretary of extras? >> fred: huge. huge. [ laughter ] and we just try to like tone it down. keep it real. have fun for every take just like do it over and over. [ laughter ] >> seth: and how many -- for a press conference how many extras would you hire? >> fred: 200. >> seth: okay. >> fred: if it's a close up, we do the close up and then we do the reverse. you know. >> seth: so, it's like shooting a movie? >> fred: it's very much like shooting a movie. >> seth: how long do you audition each extra? >> fred: we do it by groups. >> seth: okay good. [ laughter ] >> fred: you know what i'm saying. so we'll have like 50 of them.
guys do your best. i mean do their talking. and then we just like, that one, that one, that one, that one, that one, not that one. whatever. >> seth: great. well i hope you get confirmed. and congratulations. >> fred: thanks. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: i just wanted to take a moment to remind everyone about where you can find us online to watch videos of closer look, guest interviews and more. so please follow us on youtube, facebook, twitter, snapchat and instagram for all things "late night." very excited about this. our first guest tonight is a talented actor who you know from "the social network" and "hacksaw ridge." you can see him in the new martin scorsese film, "silence," in select theaters now and nation wide this friday. let's take a look. >> sick of being trapped in here all day. >> eat. >> we don't even know if father ferreira is alive or dead. the villagers never even heard of him. these people are so frightened.
it's fear, all they have. and lice. >> they have us. we comfort them. >> how much longer can we do that? >> we asked for this mission francisco. we prayed for this in the exercises. god heard us then, and he hears us now. >> well then, may he guide us to ferreira so we can know the truth. >> seth: please welcome to the show, andrew garfield. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: how are you? >> i'm really good. >> seth: it's so great to see you. >> nice to see you too. nice to see fred. hello, fred. >> seth: have you heard about fred's exciting news? >> what's that? >> seth: he's going to be the secretary of extras. >> you know, i did hear this, just now. [ laughter ] >> seth: so this has been an exciting year for you. not only is this film out but i want to congratulate you on
"hacksaw ridge" as well. which is a fantastic film. you were nominated for a golden globe. these are both very intense films. are you like, when you're not shooting, are you trying to have a good time and relax a little bit? >> i am attempting to, yeah. i did have a lovely year. it was a weird thing because last year was so [ bleep ]. >> seth: yeah. 2016, sort of, has already had a reputation for being a real bad one. >> it was a rough -- a rough time. >> we lost a lot of beloved people, a lot of stuff happened -- the election all that happened. >> there was a tremendous loss of soul. >> seth: yeah. and yet you were just having a grand old time. >> i was cashing in. [ laughter ] it's very very -- very weird. i feel very split. i feel very giddy and happy over here in one part of me. and the other part of me is in horror. >> seth: right. >> so i'm trying to reconcile those pieces. >> seth: and this film, "silence," this is martin scorsese's directed it and this is a film he was trying to make for 28 years. >> yes. >> seth: so does that add a burden of pressure to something, when all of a sudden finally, things have come together and
now you're making this movie that's been in a, sort of, visionary director's head for that long. >> yeah, it's a wild thing. you kind of -- you kind of have to convince yourself that it's meant somehow, otherwise i would probably lose my mind and implode and turn into just a sack of skin. [ laughter ] but, you know, with a project like this, it's such an epic story, and there's no -- i don't know, we were out in taiwan, we shot it in taiwan. and myself and adam, as you kind of see -- >> seth: adam driver, fantastic. >> wonderful actor. and we both were kind of starving ourselves, because it was in service of the story. and we were in taiwan away from everyone we knew and loved and we were delayed when we were out in taiwan. so we had about a month waiting to shoot. and i'd been preparing for a year, previously, so i had all this kind of build-up. and it was like every day i would open my apartment door, and there would be everest, just kind of right at my foot doorstep and like snow hitting me, not literally this is a metaphor. [ laughter ] snow and wind and the terror of "how do you climb everest?" and every morning i was like,
"do we start climbing everest today?" and they were like, "no not today." i was like okay, i'm going to shut the door on everest. i'm going to go back and not eat in my apartment. >> seth: that is heartbreaking to thinking you went a year starving yourself and they said one more month. [ laughter ] could you do one more month? >> it was insane -- no it was insane. but ultimately, to be a part of any film where martin scorsese calls you -- >> seth: of course. >> you're going to say yes to being an extra, to being -- running the coffee machine. you're going to show up, let alone be a -- be a cast member. >> seth: you play a jesuit priest and you went on a silent retreat to prepare. >> mm-hmm. >> seth: so how long was the retreat, and you were completely silent the whole time? >> yes. >> seth: like how much wiggle room. >> i find it funny because people talk about it like it's a big deal. i guess it is a big deal in our modern age. because the idea of any sense of quite with one's self is kind of terrifying to people now, maybe. but i -- i don't know, i loved
it. i felt totally at home in that kind of meditative, kind of prayerful state. it was a week, it was a week. >> seth: okay. >> and adam showed up halfway through. >> seth: he didn't have to do the whole week? [ laughter ] >> no. he decided he only needed like five days. [ laughter ] which he did i mean, i just needed to work harder than he does. but he shows up, and i'm eating my tepid welsh soup. 'cause we're in the middle of these of these bucolic hills and whales and i'm kind of like -- [ laughter ] and he's like -- [ laughter ] and i'm like -- >> seth: but that's allowed. >> well, i guess so. i don't know, we did it. i don't know if -- >> seth: is there like someone checking on silence is? is there like a librarian for lack of a better term? [ laughter ] somebody that's like "hey!" >> we have a very stern welsh woman in the corner just going -- no, no, no. [ laughter ] no, no, no, no. i think if we had cracked and broken no one, everyone would have just kind of given us repressed, shameful stares.
>> seth: and now, were you recognizable enough to the other people in the silent retreat who were obviously not preparing for a role? was there a sense of, who are these guys? >> everyone was preparing for a role. daniel day-lewis was there preparing for something. >> seth: oh, right. "the quiet man." he's going to do, "the quiet man." [ laughter ] >> no, no, no. we were -- we were just one of the many going on this christian retreat. it was very -- >> seth: and then does it -- did you find that it had an effect on you, that it had an effect on the way you dreamed and the way you thought? i know that's one of the ideas when you do one of those meditative. >> yeah. it was not only that, but it was a whole year of prayer and meditation, and then also, this fasting stuff. starving yourself. i don't know if you've ever been through anything like that. >> seth: no, like an hour or two once. >> when you got kind of cranky. >> seth: like i had gold fish but they fell under my seat. >> couldn't quite reach them. and by the time you did they were gross and like covered -- >> seth: i still ate them. >> an hour later. >> seth: it was an hour later. >> god, you're brave. >> seth: i was.
>> no, so so on top of that, we're out in taiwan, kind of away from our family and friends. i would have dreams, i would have daydreams, i would have these incredible memories come up of the best meals of my life with the closest people in my life. and it was so specific. and it was the most sad, depressing kind of longing that i've ever felt in my entire --. but it was great. don't pity. [ laughter ] it was wonderful, because during that period, it really was really revealed to me, the people in my life are the most important to me, and the foods in my life that were most important to me. [ laughter ] like shake shack for instance. >> seth: yes. >> and in and out burger, sorry east coast. so that's like one person who's like been to california. >> seth: exactly. and you worked with, a jesuit priest in the preparation for that. obviously the film's very serious. you talking about fasting, it seems like it's a very serious profession. did you have fun with your jesuit priest? >> i did actually, yeah.
there's a guy, he used to be the parish priest on "the colbert report." father james martin, and he's an editor of "america" magazine, he's someone that i love dearly. he became my spiritual director over the course of this. and we did very serious kind of like -- we went and did these things, called ignition spiritual exercises. and they are very serious kind of transformative. but no, he's very funny. he's a kind of comedic writer, actully. there was this one thing he would say to me when i would be kind of het up about something, or struggling about something he would say "i've got two pieces of good news for you, there is a messiah, and you're not him." [ laughter ] which, i don't know -- things like that you kind of keep with you. little -- little nuggets. >> seth: and was the training, was this transformation for you, into becoming someone who can play the jesuit priest in a way that you're comfortable with, was that a frustrating process, was it a fun process? >> it was incredible. i absolutely loved it. in all seriousness, going back
to the modern moment we're in where contemplation and reflection doesn't have much of a place in our culture right now because of the pressure to succeed, the pressure to achieve, the pressure to be popular, to be know to be famous, to you name it. to get -- >> seth: too much information. i feel like -- >> whatever it is. excess of information and lack of knowledge. that's what my experience of -- what the culture is feeding us right now. so in order to create space and be quiet, be with that still, small voice inside is -- feels like a vital thing for all of us right now, especially with the four years we're about to experience, we need to be deeply in touch with ourselves. [ laughter ] >> seth: i'm sold. i can't wait to go home tonight and tell my wife i'm not saying a word for the next week. [ laughter ] this, i have heard this and i want to verify it's true, because it sounds too good to be true, that there was a film that inspired you to become an actor. >> uh-huh. >> seth: obviously, "hacksaw ridge," an serious film, "silence," incredibly serious film. and we talked about this transformation you put yourself
through. and i guess this makes sense because the film that you're sold on is a film about transformation. >> i think i know where you're going with this. >> seth: is your favorite -- was the movie the jumping off point for andrew garfield thespian, "teen wolf?" >> yes. [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: it was. and you just saw "teen wolf." >> it's got everything. >>seth: it does have everything. >> it literally has everything. it's beautiful film making. beautiful michael j. fox, it's a man -- it's a boy boy that turns into a wolf. >> seth: and pretty much everybody is only freaked out for like five minutes. and then he's good enough at basketball that everybody says, "okay." we haven't won a state title in a while, we're okay with the werewolf. >> i like him. [ laughter ] it makes no sense that film. >> seth: it's alright but now we know everything happens for a reason. 'cause here you are. thanks so much for being here. congratulations on your 2016. glad someone had a good one. andrew garfield everybody. [ cheers and applause ] "silence" is in select theaters
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody. my next guest is an academy award-winning actress you know from the very funny series, "last man on earth," films such as "the help," "elf," and "the proposal." her latest, "the book of love," is in select theaters and on-demand friday. let's take a look. >> i'm very sorry for your loss, mrs. monroe. but there's just no shrimp listed on the purchase order. >> and yet, i ordered them specifically. >> i understand, ma'am. there's just no -- >> mmm, no, no. i don't think you understand. how could you possibly understand? you didn't just lose your daughter. you didn't just lose everything. you just lost the shrimp. so, i suggest that you get on the phone, and you find me some goddamn shrimp. does that sound like a plan? thank you. >> seth: please welcome to the show, our friend mary steenburgen. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
>> seth: how are you? >> i'm good. >> seth: i'm always so thrilled to see you. you look fantastic. >> thank you. >> seth: and this is a fantastic film. you play jason sudeikis's mother-in-law, jessica biel's mother. and how did you get involved in this film? >> jessica biel and her husband, justin timberlake, who you know, are long-time -- >> seth: oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] >> that guy. they're long-time friends, and she told me many years ago that she wanted me to play her mom in this film. and it took a while to get going, but then this wonderful director, bill purple, was doing it. and justin did the score for it which was -- >> seth: fantastic. >> his first time to do that. and so, we all went down to new orleans and made this movie. it was maisie williams from "game of thrones." >> seth: from "game of thrones."
she's a fantastic actress as well. >> seth: congratulations. >> thank you. >> seth: it was always nice to have a great project like that. you and i -- i was a great fan of yours for a very long time. i did not know you. it's safe to say, in the last decade, we have had a ton of crazy connections. >> yes. well, for one thing, i can't believe andrew garfield sat here the whole time and didn't rave about the thanksgiving dinner i made him this year. >> seth: is that true? >> yes. >> seth: he was at thanksgiving dinner, and he did not mention it. >> he didn't mention it -- >> seth: just out here talking about working with martin scorsese. >> yeah. [ laughter ] yeah, nothing about the sweet potatoes. [ laughter ] but, yeah, no -- your wife, i believe i brought her for her first trip to new york. >> seth: yeah. >> she was around 11 years old. >> seth: uh-huh. that's when i met her. [ laughter ] >> um, yep. >> seth: i was older. [ laughter ] >> um, i lived down the road from your in-laws. >> seth: yep. >> um, what else? i worked with jason sudeikis,
your friend, and have worked with the great will forte. >> seth: will forte. >> yeah, the most magical. >> seth: the most talented genius, weird. >> stubborn, weird. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> who was just with me in little rock for my aunt's 92nd birthday. >> seth: now, this is so fantastic. >> yeah. >> seth: because obviously, you've filmed the show in l.a. >> yeah. >> seth: you have an aunt turning who's 92 years old in little rock. >> aunt frieda. >> seth: aunt frieda. >> yep. >> seth: and forte agrees to come with -- >> forte, john solomon, you know. >> seth: he's a writer on the show, yeah. >> kristen schaal. >> seth: one of the stars. >> and rich blomquist all came to all the way to little rock, arkansas. >> seth: did you invite them? >> uh -- no. >> seth: okay. [ laughter ] >> no, i did. >> seth: but did you think they would come all the way over? >> of course i didn't think they would come. >> seth: okay. >> it's, like, a deeply geriatric birthday. >> seth: yeah. >> it's her 92nd. >> seth: and you can't get direct to little rock. you're basically -- >> no, and you have to work to get there. >> seth: yeah. >> but it is fantastic once you get there. >> seth: yes, i have been there. it is worth the trip. >> and so, ted and i, and my niece, amy and her husband, whose sister, by the way, of the
girl that your son-in-law -- i mean, your brother-in-law is dating. >> seth: yeah. my -- currently, my brother-in-law is dating your niece? >> yes. >> seth: yeah. >> okay. >> seth: that's true. >> there's gonna be a test later, so i hope you guys have this. it's called "seven degrees from mary steenburgen." [ laughter ] so anyway, we have a restaurant down there with chef matt bell and amy called south on main in little rock. and we had a wild bash, and will forte danced with every 80-year-old woman there. [ laughter ] >> seth: now did your 92-year-old aunt, was she familiar with his work? when he walked in, did she say, "oh, my god, mcgruber!" [ laughter ] >> believe it or not, she did because she's, she's that cool. i mean -- >> seth: yeah. >> i think you -- i don't know. >> seth: we have some footage -- >> do you have it? >> seth: of forte dancing. is this with your 92-year-old? >> yes. >> seth: okay, let's take a look. >> yes, this is with aunt frieda. >> seth: this is forte at a dance party. >> and this was shot by me, the worse photographer ever born, so forgive me. ♪
[ laughter ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: the great thing -- the great thing about forte is he also looks like a dude who would just show up at an old person's party uninvited. [ laughter ] like, "hello, ladies. can i take you for a trip around the dance floor?" [ light laughter ] >> yeah, no, he's amazing. i'm, it's actually dangerous how much i love him. >> seth: well, you have "last man on earth", which just finished a fantastic third season. it's -- >> we got to the -- >> seth: the halfway -- >> the season break. >> seth: the season break of season three. >> tv's so confusing now. >> seth: a great cliff-hanger, we're very -- >> yes. i may or may not -- >> seth: be dead. >> yes. [ light laughter ] >> seth: we just left it in a cliff. we don't know. >> yeah, exactly. >> seth: you wouldn't tell me. i don't want to know. >> yeah, or i could be a ghost or whatever. >> seth: yeah, we don't know. >> yeah. >> seth: but it's a great cast. it's a great ensemble cast. >> yes. >> seth: and your character plays accordion. but i did not realize -- i thought that was a character trait. this was something that you brought to the character. >> no one has that character
trait. [ laughter ] so i came late to music in life, but i've been making up for it. and i decided about three years ago, i was in mccabes music. and it was valentine's day, and ted had bought me -- goose egg. >> seth: okay. >> so i said -- he said, "do you want anything in here for valentine's day?" and i said, "well, this is deeply unromantic, but okay. i'll take that little green accordion." >> seth: okay. >> and he just said to himself, "she will never play that. it'll just catch dust." >> seth: sure. >> and so, knowing he was thinking that, i have learned to play the accordion, damn it! [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: congratulations on that. how did -- >> okay. >> seth: how did forte find out you played accordion? >> so forte one day -- they were -- there was a sad scene. it was a divorce scene. and in our world, there's only seven people. so if there's a divorce, kristen schaal's the notary public. and she, you know -- and we have a little ceremony. and, but, they needed music. and i said, "well, what kind of
music do you guys need?" and they said, "oh, i wish we had that sad death song." and i said, "you mean" -- ♪ dun dun dun dun dun dun da ♪ and they said, "yes." and i said, "well, my accordion's in the back seat of my car." and they went, "what?" [ laughter ] "you play the accordion?" and i said, "yeah, i'm pretty sure i can play that song, you know. i'm not good, but i can play that." >> seth: yeah. >> so moments later, i'm playing the death march. and now, he has me play -- i've played "love in an elevator" by aerosmith. >> seth: a great accordian song. >> lends itself beautifully to the accordian. "informer," by snow. >> seth: okay. >> "sharp dressed man." >> seth: yes, a little zz top. >> you know, yeah. >> seth: there you go. >> yeah. >> seth: well, it's nice both that you could bring that into the show, and that forte would be open to using it. it's a great a part of your character. >> i love it. i actually really do. >> seth: you, obviously, you've mentioned how you have met and fallen in love with forte through this project. >> yes.
>> seth: that's also how you met and fell in love with your husband, ted. >> i did. i worked with him, and i have to say when i heard he was cast in this part, i went, "really?" because even though i loved him on "cheers" -- >> seth: right. >> i just thought, "uh, he's, like, this sort of slick tv guy." and then, i got to know him. and he's pretty much the opposite of that. >> seth: yeah. >> as i say, "slick guys don't say 'gosh-arooni' after making love." [ laughter ] >> seth: oh, that's a little ted danson tidbit that not a lot of us know. >> you bet. t.m.i. [ laughter ] sorry, that was my out loud voice. >> seth: yeah. >> my children are running to turn the tv off right now. [ light laughter ] >> seth: well, just know that it's too late because the whole country just said "gosha- rooni." [ laughter ] it's always so lovely to see you. it's always so lovely to see ted and your fantastic family. and congratulations on everything. just a delight to have you. >> thank you, seth. thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: mary steenburgen, everybody. "the book of love" is in select theaters and on-demand friday. we'll be right back with more "late night." [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody. you know, here on "late night," we tell a monologue every night, and we try to write monologue jokes that are for everyone to enjoy. but sometimes, we find it's fun to tell some very specific jokes that only a small group of people will get. which brings us to a segment we call, "let's get specific." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: all right. so here are tonight's extremely specific jokes. this first joke is specifically for very pregnant women. so if you're not very pregnant,
don't worry if you don't get the joke. [ light laughter ] what are a pregnant woman's favorite shoes? the ones she can step into. [ laughter ] >> that is so true. i'm too pregnant to bend over and tie my shoes. i'm glad i came out tonight. [ laughter ] >> seth: me too. me too. [ applause ] this next one is for automotive repairmen. so if you do not repair cars, do not worry if you don't get it. okay, here it goes. why did the exhaust valve and the combustion chamber get a divorce? there was no spark. [ laughter ] >> sounds like that marriage needed a sparkplug. [ laughter ] you're all right, kid. [ laughter ] >> seth: thanks! >> no, no. thank you. [ laughter ] >> seth: leave her alone. [ laughter ] this next joke is for ear, nose
and throat doctors. that's doctors who are e-n-t, ear nose and throat doctors. here it goes. what did the laryngectomy patient say to his doctor? nothing. [ laughter ] >> of course not. patients can't talk after a laryngectomy. a laryngectomy removes the larynx, thus making it impossible to talk. finally, the ear, nose, and trhoat humor i crave. [ laughter ] >> seth: i'm very glad you liked it. this next joke is specifically for fans of the martial arts cult classic film "bloodsport." what did chong li say when he lost to frank dux? jean-claude van -- damn! >> ha ha! yes, yes! [ laughter ] ha ha ha! [ chanting ] kumite! kumite! come on! kumite! [ audience chanting kumite ]
>> seth: all right, all right. that's more than enough. [ light laughter ] all right, do one more. >> kumite! >> seth: all right. that's enough! [ laughter ] >> seth: this is for fans of 1980s r&b music, specifically the edmonds family. when is it time for babyface to see his brothers? after 7. [ laughter ] >> ooh, after 7 is babyface's brothers' group. man, when it comes to jokes, it looks like you just -- ♪ can't stop [ laughter ] >> seth: hey, i've got joke's for you, whether you're -- ♪ ready or not [ laughter ] ♪ exceptional [ laughter ] [ applause ] >>seth: this next joke is for geologists who specialize -- [ laughter ] geologists who specialize in
icelandic volcanos, especially the one that erupted in 2010. [ laughter ] how do people from iceland order their steaks? rare, medium rare, or eyjafjallajokull-ed. [ laughter ] >> it's the name of the volcano! eyjafjallajokull he added the e-d to the end of the name of the volcano. thus making the word, "cooked." [ laughter ] >> i get it. >> no you don't! [ laughter ] >> seth: i'm glad one of you enjoyed it. this last joke is very specific. it's for executioners from the french revolution. [ light laughter ] how did members of le troisieme property get ahead?
by looking in the lunette. [ laughter ] >> the lunette, the part of the guillotine that holds your head. ho, ho, ho! >> seth: thank you, man. i'm glad you liked it. >> ho, ho, ho! i really needed to laugh today. [ laughter ] ho, ho, ho, ho. [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: that's all for "let's get specific." we'll be right back with music from colony house. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ ♪ lately what's the problem what's the headline this time somehow we're okay with all these differences ♪ ♪ leaving us blind blind blind i'm not scared of fighting i'm just a little bit ♪ ♪ over this conversation i'm not trying to hide it i'm just thinking slowly maybe you and i ♪ ♪ can live together if we ever
learn to ease the tension ♪ ♪ maybe the world isn't crazy maybe it's you and i i i ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ i found the truth in the distance i heard the words in the wind and on it goes like ♪ ♪ wildfire it's spreading from past lives to the living who's changing the people or times times times ♪ ♪ i'm not scared of fighting i'm just a little bit over this conversation i'm not trying to hide it ♪ ♪ i'm just thinking slowly maybe you and i can live together if we ever learn to ease the tension ♪ ♪ maybe the world isn't crazy maybe it's you and i i i ♪ ♪ lost with a cause
someone wrote down ♪ ♪ n a paper that defines all the lines that we draw but we don't understand ♪ ♪ what's unstable maybe we're all lonely and afraid maybe we're all trying ♪ ♪ to find the words to say maybe we just need love love love love i'm not scared of fighting ♪ ♪ i'm just a little bit over this conversation i'm not trying to hide it i'm just thinking slowly ♪
♪ maybe you and i can live together if we ever learn to ease the tension maybe the world isn't ♪ ♪ crazy maybe the world isn't crazy maybe this world isn't crazy maybe it's you and i i i ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> seth: colony house, everybody. "only the lonely" is out this friday. we'll be right back. [cheers and applause]