Skip to main content

tv   The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon  NBC  January 25, 2017 11:34pm-12:38am PST

11:34 pm
check this out, dry weather, thursday, friday, saturday, sunday, monday, and tuesday. then we do get the possibility of wet weather coming back by next wednesday, thursday, and friday. >> i'll have to uber. >> early estimates show a half inch to maybe 1 1/4 inch. if you're headed up to lake tahoe, it looks dry and sunny over the next several days. the forecast will be adjusting eventually to put some rain-snow mix on wednesday. it does look cold enough we could get more snow by next thursday and friday. i'd say you got your money's worth out of it. >> very nice. >> nbc interns do pick her up from home. >> right. >> just kidding. have a great night. >> see you tomorrow. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center in the heart of new york city, it's "the tonight show starring jimmy fallon." tonight, join jimmy and his guests -- glenn close, jay baruchel, comedian candice thompson,
11:35 pm
and featuring the legendary roots crew. >> questlove: 610! philly county! >> steve: and now, here he is, jimmy fallon! ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh! oh, my goodness. welcome! looking good. hey, hot crowd. welcome, everybody. welcome, welcome, welcome to "the tonight show." this is it! you made it. you're here. this is the show to be at. welcome. [ cheers and applause ] what i'm talkin' about.
11:36 pm
guys, you know what people are talking about. of course, president trump is still settling into the white house. and get this, i read that trump's gold curtains in the oval office are the same ones hillary picked out for bill clinton in 1993. [ light laughter ] so she may not be president, but hillary still figured out a a way to throw some shade. [ laughter and applause ] that's one way to do it. and according to a source close to trump, his staff is trying to get him to watch less tv, which he often does when he's bored. [ light laughter ] trouble for the only president in history who was given an ipad during state dinners to keep him from squirming. [ laughter and applause ] "don't draw on the tablecloth!" "i wanna watch 'yo gabba gabba'." "stop!" [ light laughter ] trump is trying to get down to business, though. in fact, he met with the ceos of general motors, ford, and chrysler this week to try and convince them to make more cars in the u.s. [ cheers and applause ] he even pitched them the idea for a new car --
11:37 pm
"the really, really smart car. smarter than you'd ever believe. [ laughter and applause ] that i can tell you. that i can tell you." this has a lot of people upset. trump's administration has officially ordered the national parks to stop tweeting about climate change. [ audience boos ] here's what one national park's representative had to say to president trump about it. watch this. >> only you can stop me from tweeting about climate change. but you can't stop me from snapchatting, bee-yotch. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: really? >> jimmy: smokey! >> steve: smokey the bear? >> jimmy: smokey! >> steve: such language. >> jimmy: smokey, watch yourself! this is pretty crazy. there are reports that trump advisor kellyanne conway actually punched a guy while trying to break up a fight at trump's inaugural ball. [ light laughter ] though she says it wasn't a a punch. it was an alternative high five. [ laughter and applause ] but it's still -- >> steve: alternative. >> jimmy: this is pretty cool. i saw that arnold schwarzenegger met
11:38 pm
pope francis at the vatican today. yeah. when the pope heard it was the guy that said "i'll be back," he said, "oh, i was expecting someone else." [ laughter and applause ] "sorry. i had high hopes. but i love your work." and this is just a weird story. texas police are looking for a a man who stole a $1,700 fender guitar by stuffing it down his pants. [ light laughter ] they'll know that they've found the right guy when they show him a victoria's secret catalog and he goes -- [ guitar riff ] that's him. arrest him, arrest him. [ applause ] arrest him right now. >> steve: hey! g-string. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: g-string. [ guitar riff ] finally, everyone is starting to get excited for the super bowl between the falcons and the patriots. [ cheers and applause ] also, lady gaga will be doing the halftime show this year and they are saying that it could be the most expensive halftime show in history at $10 million. then three doors down was like,
11:39 pm
"we would have done it for free." [ laughter and applause ] "i mean, why wouldn't you call us?" we have a great show tonight. give it up for the roots! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, guys. we were all really saddened today to hear about the passing of mary tyler moore. [ audience aws ] she was a pioneer, not just for television and comedy, but for women. her character on "the "mary tyler moore show" was really the first single working woman on tv. she's been on television my whole life. me and my family would have dinners and watch "the mary tyler moore show." so i almost feel like she is part of my family, too. that's when you love someone that much. in fact, side note, my high
11:40 pm
school year book quote was, "a little song, a little dance, a a little seltzer down your pants." [ laughter ] from the chuckles the clown, episode. one of the funniest moments on television. she was one of the coolest, one of the classiest, one of the funniest people ever. thank you for making us all laugh. [ cheers and applause ] guys, it's been a great week so far. there is more ahead. tomorrow night, danny devito will be here. [ cheers and applause ] we love danny. >> steve: love that man. >> jimmy: then on friday, our pal drew barrymore will be stopping by. >> steve: oh, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we are going to attempt to break a few guinness world records together. so be sure to tune in for that. yeah, like officially. >> steve: for real. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, really, yeah. but first, we have a big show tonight. we love her. she is reprising her tony award-winning role as norma desmond in the broadway musical, "sunset boulevard." the incredibly talented glenn close is here. >> steve: yeah.
11:41 pm
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hot ticket. >> steve: hot ticket. >> jimmy: that's a hot ticket right there. "sunset boulevard." she is so much fun. glenn and i are going to catch up, then we're gonna do a fun race through our studio a a little later on in the show involving some very fast scooters. [ light laughter ] plus, from the fxx comedy "man seeking woman", jay baruchel is dropping in. [ cheers and applause ] he's killing it this season. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: he's really good. and we have a very, very funny stand-up comedian. candice thompson is here on the show tonight. [ cheers and applause ] it's a fun show. guys, you know how they say a a picture is worth a thousand words? well, it is also worth one meme. [ light laughter ] i'll show you what i'm talking about. it is time for "this week in memes." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ this week in memes this week in memes yeah ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: you know what happened memes are, right, higgins?
11:42 pm
>> steve: oh, yeah. >> jimmy: yes, photos with the words under them? [ light laughter ] >> steve: nope. >> jimmy: nope? >> steve: okay. >> jimmy: no problem. first, let's take a look at this photo of donald and melania trump sharing a slow dance. this meme is called, "when bae's heel just stabbed you in the foot." [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: ahh. words. >> jimmy: here's a photo of the japanese prime minister. [ light laughter ] his meme says, "when you in the back of class after getting turnt all night." [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: turnt? >> jimmy: he got turnt. >> steve: he got turnt. >> jimmy: yeah. he was turnt the night before. >> steve: the abe. >> jimmy: now take a look at this next photo of a frog with snails on his head. [ light laughter ] this meme says, "when you realize you may have been sold knock-off beats by dre." [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: princess leia. >> jimmy: next up, here's a a photo of german chancellor angela merkel. [ light laughter ] this one's called, "when you get a juicy text from bae in the middle of a work meeting." [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: sausage.
11:43 pm
>> jimmy: sauce. extra sauce. >> steve: saucy. >> jimmy: saucy. >> steve: sausage. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: saucy. [ light laughter ] >> steve: oh, saucy. >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: i thought it was a a picture of a sausage. [ laughter ] germans love their sausages, man. >> jimmy: no, no. yeah, that's true. so it's like a food text. >> steve: yeah, sure, food. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: next is a photo of two brothers trying to break a a world record. their meme says, "when you'll do anything to cover ya bald spot." [ laughter and applause ] quick, balance on my head, quick. it's my ex-girlfriend. next up we have russian president vladimir putin. his meme says, "when they want to split the bill and you only ate a salad." [ laughter and applause ] come on. [ russian accent ] "i got dozen wings. i only ate two wings. [ light laughter ] you ate all the hot wings." next we have a photo of the panda. [ audience aws ] this meme is called, "when your
11:44 pm
airbnb not what it looked like on da website." [ laughter and applause ] and finally, here is a photo of kim jong-un. his meme says, "er, my gerd, a a berkperk." [ laughter ] that was "this week in memes." we'll be right back with more of "the tonight show." come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ i'm insanely passionate about the environment, which is why i love the cascara latte. cascara is the fruit that is outside of the coffee bean itself. and when it is dried, we've been using it to make the flavor that will be in our cascara latte. and it has this subtle sweetness that has a really lovely flavor. everything you do in life should be something that you care about. that's really what it's about- it's taking something that's usually forgotten and turning it into something beautiful.
11:45 pm
♪ 48 hours of protection. i don't have to reapply this... not once! it's really soft and almost velvety... as you put it on. it's like reaaally soft. try dove advance care. for softer, smoother underarms. versus a lube strip. with a hydrating gel reservoir that gives you 40% less friction. it's designed like no other razor to protect from irritation. sorry, lube strip. schick hydro®. free your skin®.
11:46 pm
reportedly pressuring ls are president enrique pena nieto to cancel next week's visit to washington. nieto' says he regrets and rejects the u.s. decisi to begin construction of a border wall. =add= president trump is expected to
11:47 pm
sign a notice to congress thursday - to start bilateral trade negotiations with most of the countries in the trans-pacific partnership pact. follow us on twitter for updates. updates. ♪ ♪ ♪ all the care your family needs. all connected for you.
11:48 pm
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back. welcome back, everybody. it is time for "tonight show kid's letters." here we go. ♪ tonight show kid letters kid letters tonight show ♪ >> jimmy: we love this bit. we get letters from kids all over the world. and they send us ideas, and jokes, and suggestions for the show. they're always great. i wanted to share some with you right now. these are real letters from real kids. we do not make this up. our first kid letter comes from a kid named jimmy. he's nine years -- yeah, good name. he's 9-years-old. 9-years-old.
11:49 pm
he writes, "to jimmy from jimmy. i'm seriously jimmy, james. [ light laughter ] yo, jim. dude. i'm nine. little jim here. [ light laughter ] how's it hanging? i like your face. you're funny. i love you, jimmy. #doublejimmyforlife. [ light laughter ] here's a pic of you carrying me as the sun sets over a rainbow. p.s., i'm the worst drawler in the community." [ laughter and applause ] i think he's got -- i think it's pretty good. >> steve: come on. he's a good drawler. >> jimmy: i love that. >> steve: i love that drawling. >> jimmy: thank you, jimmy. thank you, jimmy. thank you, james. thank you, jimbo. >> steve: dude! >> jimmy: dude! i'm nine. >> steve: that's my man. >> jimmy: dude! >> steve: come on dude. >> jimmy: i'm nine, dude. >> steve: how old are you, dude? >> jimmy: this next -- no, dude nine. [ light laughter ] >> steve: nine. >> jimmy: this next letter is
11:50 pm
from shane. he is 6-years-old. he writes, "hi, jimmy fallon. shane here. you know i love your show. you don't need to make any changes to your show. and my mom says that i can take over for you some day. [ light laughter ] by the way, i'm six so you have about 25 years. so have fun." [ laughter and applause ] that's a threat. >> steve: no, it's a promise. >> jimmy: that is a threat. this one is from brooke. she is 8-years-old. she writes, "dear jimmy, my name is brooke. i loved you on "icarly." but" -- [ light laughter ] we -- we were on icarly. >> steve: we were on icarly, it was great. >> jimmy: remember? that was a great episode. [ light laughter ] was it a two-parter? we were only on -- >> steve: is it an hour-long? >> jimmy: it was an hour-long episode. that's right. >> steve: are they all an hour long? >> jimmy: no, it's not. no. [ light laughter ] "i loved you on "icarly", but my mom likes your night time show. my mom and me were playing the game "guess who" and we noticed one of the people looks like the piano player in the roots. and guess what?
11:51 pm
his name is james, too. we're also including a picture for you. your friend, brooke." let's see the photo there. [ laughter ] can we do a side by side? does that look like james? [ laughter and applause ] not bad. james. can you look -- james. can you look up? can you look up? yeah, that's it. yeah. [ laughter ] wait, james. can you put a -- is there, is there a goatee? can you put maybe -- let me see what that looks like. there you go. yeah. now that's -- [ laughter and applause ] not bad. that's good. >> steve: so cute. >> jimmy: that's pretty good. yeah. this one is from josh. he is 8-years-old. said, "hi, i'm josh. i'm in second grade. can you do yoga when you do thank you letters? i'm just saying. here's a picture. jimmy, jimmy." and there's a -- a cross-legged picture of me. it looks like i'm wearing like,
11:52 pm
a coconut bra. and -- anyways. [ laughter ] >> steve: [ indiscernible ] >> jimmy: i don't know -- i don't know what's going on. but it looks good. it looks cool. i would try that. i'm in. is that the desk, i think? >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: oh, oh. i'm saying, "ohm." "ohm, my gosh," is what i'm saying. oh, yeah. here's -- here's another drawing. this is a -- this is one of my favorite drawings i've ever seen. this is of me. and i don't really like drawings of me that much. i -- i just think i look odd. but this makes me feel good about myself when i see it, a a really nice portrait is. abdullah, he's 8-years-old and he sent a portrait. here it is, here's what i look like. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: belongs in a museum. that is beautiful. > jimmy: it's actually pretty good. it's like three -- three dimensional. it's good because, the logo's behind me. >> steve: the logo's behind you. your tie is very kinetic. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: i -- i'm angry at
11:53 pm
something. >> steve: or -- >> jimmy: 1,000 teeth. this ah -- our last letter here is one from annie. she is 9-years-old. "dear mr. fallon, my name is annie. i am nine. my brother is 12. he can catch grapes in his mouth. he says he can -- he says only he can do it. can you do it? he is wrong. your friend, annie." >> steve: he's saying he's the only one in the world who can do it. >> jimmy: there -- there's a a highly detailed drawing there of me throwing a grape. again, i look a little angry. and annie, this is for you, pal. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> steve: don't keep it! oh, my god! he's caping it! >> jimmy: annie, i hope you're watching! [ cheers and applause ] that's all the time we have for "kid letters." thanks to all the kids who sent
11:54 pm
letters. i love you. want to see yours on the show, email them to kidletters@tonightshow.com. stick around, we'll be right back with glenn close everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ remember 2007? smartphones? o m g ten years later, nothing's really changed. it's time to snap out of it. hello moto. snap on a jbl speaker. put a 70" screen on a wall. get a 10x optical zoom. get excited world. hello moto. moto is here. the moto z with motomods. get 50% off on moto z droid.
11:55 pm
♪ there's more than one route to the top. the lexus ls and lx. each offering leading-edge comfort, safety and performance technologies. the ultimate in refinement meets the ultimate in capability. lease the 2017 lx 570
11:56 pm
for $899 a month for 36 months. see your lexus dealer. imy moderate to severeng crohn's disease. i didn't think there was anything else to talk about. but then i realized there was. so, i finally broke the silence with my doctor about what i was experiencing. he said humira is for people like me who have tried other medications but still experience the symptoms of moderate to severe crohn's disease. in clinical studies, the majority of patients on humira saw significant symptom relief. and many achieved remission. humira can lower your ability to fight infections, including tuberculosis. serious, sometimes fatal infections and cancers, including lymphoma, have happened; as have blood, liver, and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions, and new or worsening heart failure.
11:57 pm
before treatment, get tested for tb. tell your doctor if you've been to areas where certain fungal infections are common, and if you've had tb, hepatitis b, are prone to infections, or have flu-like symptoms or sores. don't start humira if you have an infection. if you're still just managing your symptoms, talk with your gastroenterologist about humira. with humira, remission is possible.
11:58 pm
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is an emmy, tony and golden globe award winning actress. oh, she's one of the best. starting next month, she's returning to broadway in "sunset boulevard," which begins previews february 2nd, opens february 9th at the palace theater right here in new york city. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome glenn close! [ cheers and applause ]
11:59 pm
♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, you are fantastic! welcome back! i love you. welcome back to the show. >> thank you. >> jimmy: that's how a star enters. come on, you're the greatest. how is everything going? everything's fantastic? >> great. yeah. we're half-way through tech rehearsals. >> jimmy: how exciting is that. >> yep. very exciting. >> jimmy: isn't that fun to be in front of a live audience? >> it is. it really is. yeah. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: nothing like it. >> i think of the audience as my collaborators. >> jimmy: yeah. >> you know? because they're the final ingredient. and it's something that we all
12:00 am
create together every night. >> jimmy: really is. you feed off each other, yeah. >> i'm sure you feel it. >> jimmy: i love it, yeah. you have been performing since -- you were a kid. what was "fingernails?" do you remember -- >> "the fingernails?" the group was polish. it was a group that we had in high school. >> jimmy: the group was polish. that's a great slogan. there you go. >> it was rosemary hall which was kind of a -- a girl's school which is now choate rosemary hall. and the great force, the moving force of the fingernails is sarah kernochan who's married to james lapine who's kind of a a broadway legend. and she's a screen writer in her own right and we would change the lyrics of the popular songs of the day. and the school, for some reason, let us put on assemblies. >> jimmy: so you would just put on shows like "the little rascals" or whatever and just -- >> yeah. we did a skit of "tarzan and jane," only it was -- steve mcqueen and charles bronson. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah that's perfect yeah, exactly yeah. do you remember changing -- do you remember any of the songs that you did? >> yeah, i do. >> jimmy: can you give me a a little taste of one? >> okay, yeah well it was because sarah was incredibly precocious, it was to splish splash, it was her version of the fall of the house of
12:01 am
atreus. she must have been setting the greek so it went -- ♪ splish splash i was taking a bath long about a saturday night ♪ ♪ rub dub just a laxing in the tub thinking everything was all right ♪ ♪ well i looked up and there to my surprise was my wife clytemnestra that look in her eyes ♪ ♪ well splish splash i was back in the bath how was i to know she was a fixing with the ax ♪ ♪ she went a splashing and a prancin i was a rocking and a rollin ♪ [ laughter ] ♪ bleeding an a screaming and man alive there was a ♪ >> jimmy: hey! fingernails. [ cheers and applause ] the group was polish right there. [ applause ] i love that! thank you. i cannot wait to go see you on broadway. i'm coming. the opening night is february 9th. >> february 9th. yes, i would love it if you would be there. >> jimmy: how fun is this?
12:02 am
this is like -- you did this in 1994 right? >> '94. but the thing that's so exciting about this, i did it this spring in london. i had brought back to broadway with me making their debuts three fantastic british actors. they're all making their broadway debut. >> jimmy: how exciting. >> it will be the largest orchestra on broadway in 50 years. we have 40 musicians on stage with us. >> jimmy: so really, really? [ cheers and applause ] i mean that's gotta to be -- in that theater, it's got to sound amazing. >> i mean, if you have a a toupee, really paste it on very, very well. >> jimmy: that's good advice. it's gonna be plastered on the back wall. >> jimmy: fly right off. >> yeah. >> jimmy: this is andrew lloyd webber. and now with this play opening on broadway, he will be the only second composer in the history of broadway to have four shows currently in production on broadway. >> four musicals. yep, four shows at the same time. i think four musicals at the same time. >> jimmy: school of rock, "phantom of the opera," "cats"
12:03 am
and "sunset boulevard." how is he -- >> well, he's a genius. >> jimmy: yeah. >> he's very, very witty. and -- the one thing i like about -- i mean i like a lot of things about andrew but the one thing that i really, really love is that -- you know, we went into this and i said, "i don't want to do anything i did before. i want to come at it with absolutely fresh eyes," which we did. and he came in, and with the -- i mean he was orchestrating, you know, because he had 40 musicians that he can work with. so it is like a movie score. it is absolutely gorgeous. >> jimmy: really? and does it feel different you to doing it now -- >> it is very, very different. >> jimmy: how do you -- i get nervous because i have people come on the show that are from -- that are performing on broadway. and i go, "i don't know how you do all these shows. you have to hit all these notes. you have to sing every night." i mean, it's -- >> it's daunting, actually. you -- everybody becomes quite like hypochondriac because you have to take care of your voice. >> jimmy: lot of people come on and they go like -- [ whispers ] "thank you so much for having
12:04 am
me. i'm really looking forward to doing the show." yeah, exactly. i also like to get little people little tips from people of how to vocal exercises. and you have one -- >> well i learned a lot in england. there is a straw technique which is actually used -- i also heard about the straw technique from rene fleming, you know the great opera singer. and you do it with little cocktail straws. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i usually have a few cocktails before the show so i just -- [ light laughter ] [ talking over each other ] i am and tipsy tonight. [ cheers ] >> you blow through it. make sure you -- and then you do a sliding scale. you go -- [ light laughter ] you go -- and what that does, it kind of relaxes and re-aligns your vocal chords. >> jimmy: i thought it was fantastic. [ light laughter ] there's -- we always end up talking about -- yes exactly.
12:05 am
darling, we always end up talking about -- always end up talking about new york city and how fantastic it is as a city. >> it is wonderful. >> jimmy: it is very wonderful. you have been here for 40 years. >> have i. >> jimmy: if feels like just yesterday doesn't it. >> it was, '74. '74. none of you were born. you certainly weren't born. >> jimmy: actually i was. that was the year twas born. [ laughter ] good day to you. i always like to find out like a good fun new york story. and cause this is always -- all these fun, cool magical things happening in the great city. and you have a cool story that -- it just, it just kind of fun that way things work. >> new york yeah. i have gotten to be wonderful friends with lady gaga's mom, cynthia, who's wonderful. and we were having lunch. and she said, "you know, i came from west virginia. and i lived in this apartment on bank street and i haven't been back since i came to new york." i said, "why don't we go see it?" so we walked -- it was down in the village. we walked over and there was a a building looking exactly the same. it started pouring with rain.
12:06 am
this woman came down the street with this dog and said, "would you like to stand in the lobby to get out of the rain?" we said, "sure." and then we started talking in the lobby. and cynthia said, "i used to live in this building." the woman said, "what apartment?" then she said, "i don't know. 3b or something." she said, "that's my apartment." so, i said, "let's go up and see it." [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: i mean, right? >> yeah. >> jimmy: is it insane? >> yes so this woman kind of had army fatigues. we went up the stairs, into the apartment. this woman was a -- she was fabulous. if you're watching this, whoever you were, you were wonderful. she was a horror movie fanatic and she had horror movie posters all over her apartment. but we sat there. we took pictures, we looked out of the window. and it was, "bye, it was great meeting you." [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: did you tell her that it was lady gaga's mom? >> i said going out. i said you have to tell her. cause she had recognized me. i said "you have to tell her
12:07 am
who you are." and cynthia, said, "oh really, you think so?" i said, "yeah." she said, "i'm gaga's mother." she went, "oh, my god!" >> jimmy: isn't that a good fun, magical new york story? >> and then we walked out of her life and it was -- beautiful drama. >> jimmy: i love it. i love it. if you're watching, how cool. we love you. >> you were wonderful. >> jimmy: that was nice of you. >> yeah, it was. >> jimmy: well, since we're both new yorkers and i thought maybe we could do a fun scooter race that's centered around new york city. you always are up for a good little race or competition or something. >> i want to do pogo sticks with you but apparently you don't do pogo sticks. >> jimmy: do we not do pogo sticks? i've done everything. we sumo wrestled before. >> we did. >> jimmy: you're the most fun, all right good. glenn close and i are racing after the break. should be fun. [ cheers and applause ] let's do this. ♪
12:08 am
(vo) when you're on your phone 24/7, you probably think you need an unlimited plan. but actually, the majority of people pay for data they never use. that's right, two out of three people use less than five gigs. now verizon introduces the one plan that's right for you. switch, and for just $55 get five gigs on america's best network. that's tons of data at a cost that's less than an unlimited plan. and the best part, no surprise overages. finally, all the data you need, on the network you want. verizon. ♪ i believe in me too. ♪ i am the unicorn of your confidence ♪
12:09 am
12:10 am
there are now twice as many four-dollar value menu items. that's right, america. we just created the greatest value menu in the world. boom. ♪ ♪ ♪
12:11 am
♪ ♪ ♪ you have to brave to8 hours of testingcation, in the 11 most crucial areas of management accounting. only 50% will pass.
12:12 am
done. so if you're one of them, feel free to brag. you've earned it. oh yeah. i want that. who's next? i'm next. after her. after him. the cma certification. you've got to earn it. ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
12:13 am
>> jimmy: you have strategies already. strategies already. i'm thinking weight distribution. i'm trying to think. but you have your feet out. that's very interesting. guys, welcome back. i'm here with glenn close. you can see her on broadway in "sunset boulevard" starting february 9th. [ cheers and applause ] glenn close! come on. now, got to get in a a competitive mode here. glenn and i are about to face off in a horse-drawn carriage race through a snowy new york city. now here's how the race will work. we are going to head out these doors right here and we're going to say hello to our mascot hashtag. there he is. hey, what's up buddy. [ cheers and applause ] all right pal, hey, dancing. all right, um -- we're going to make a left to the elevator bank there. going to go around those kids that are having a snowball fight. we're going to weave through the dog walkers in the hallway. and then we're going to take a a right turn at kevin the trash talking moose. >> fallon you're so slow that it takes you a an hour and a
12:14 am
a half to watch "60 minutes." ooh! the moose is loose! [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: finally, we'll have to avoid those times square characters trying to keep warm in the steam docks. [ laughter ] is that a yeti in the middle? what's in the middle there? i know "spider-man" in the other one. first one to break through the finish line is the carriage race champion. glenn, are you ready? you sure, legs out? >> yeah. >> jimmy: higgins, count us down. [ cheers ] >> three, two, one race! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: oh, my god! oh, my gosh! oh my gosh. [ laughter ] you rotten kids! that one hit me in the face, you nerd. oh my gosh. >> whoa boy, whoa boy. >> jimmy: hey, get lost you
12:15 am
nerds. >> whoa boy! oh my, oh my, my gosh. [ growling ] >> you're not even close! you're not even close! >> turn left here? ♪ [ cheers ] ♪ >> jimmy: oh my gosh. glenn close, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] i burned rubber back there. more "tonight show" after the break. stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ schick hydro®
12:16 am
versus a lube strip. with a hydrating gel reservoir that gives you 40% less friction. it's designed like no other razor to protect from irritation. sorry, lube strip. schick hydro®. free your skin®.
12:17 am
12:18 am
12:19 am
wecage-free eggs.ng and we care about amazing taste. because at best foods, we're on the side of food. before you set out, you plan to capture . ♪ but what you really can't plan for is when the moment captures you. marriott now has 30 brands in over 110 countries. so no matter where you go, you are here. join or link accounts.
12:20 am
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is a a funny and talented actor you know from such movies as "knocked up", "tropic thunder", and "this is the end."
12:21 am
he's currently starring on the fxx show "man seeking woman", which airs wednesday nights at 10:30 p.m. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome jay baruchel. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: nice to see you, buddy! >> look great. >> jimmy: looking good. i don't -- i don't get to see you enough, because you -- you live in canada. >> i do, indeed. yes. [ cheers ] yeah, thank you. [ light laughter ] i support it as well. >> jimmy: yeah, it's -- >> my own lifestyle choice. >> jimmy: you -- you're a very proud canadian. >> i am indeed, yeah. >> jimmy: you just directed your first film. congratulations on this. >> thank you. >> jimmy: i didn't even -- i didn't know if i -- did i know that you wrote the first movie? >> uh, i don't know. i don't know what you know. >> jimmy: that's true, you don't. [ light laughter ] and i'm never going to tell. >> i try not to be presumptuous. but, yeah, i got to direct a a movie called "goon: last of
12:22 am
the enforcers" that is the sequel to a movie called "goon" that i wrote, that came out a a couple years ago. >> jimmy: "goon" was fantastic! >> yeah! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: seann william scott. >> that is -- that is the right reaction. >> jimmy: yeah, that was a a great reaction. >> thank you, yeah. and so we have number two coming out, across canada on st. paddy's day, and trying to figure out how it comes out down here. but we'll -- we'll have that very soon. >> jimmy: but this is -- this is about a hockey goon, a a hockey player. >> hockey enforcer, yeah. that's right. >> jimmy: yeah, that's a good name for it. yeah. >> yeah. the sort of, one of the oddest jobs in professional sports is a guy on, i mean, kind of being worked out of the nhl. but, yeah. there's a guy on every hockey team, used to be, whose job was just to fight. and seems to be pretty fertile ground for drama and comedy. and i'm slightly biased, because i adore the movie we made. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, i thought you were going to say you like hockey. but yeah, of course, yeah. you like the -- >> this also had -- >> jimmy: i don't like to be presumptuous.
12:23 am
but yeah, i hope that you like the movie you made. yeah. did you play hockey? >> oh, god. i -- i am -- >> jimmy: must have, yeah? >> arguably the world's worst skater. no. it's -- i -- this is going to come as like a massive surprise. i am not the most athletically inclined person. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, my god. >> what is that reaction? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: shocker. >> see, that -- that implies that -- >> jimmy: no, they don't -- they're laughing at something else. they're laughing at something else. [ light laughter ] >> no, it -- believe it or not, most of it is just like my crippling laziness. i just, like -- you know, it just wasn't ever worth it. you know, whatever practice i would go through, the minute that i would do whatever like -- so, hitting a baseball. skating around a rink once without falling. and i would do it. and i was like, this -- this is it? this is what i'm working towards? i'd much rather read comics in my bedroom. so uh, yeah. >> jimmy: yeah. and be a fan, and root for, and watch hockey. >> that's exactly it. that's exactly that. i realized at a certain point
12:24 am
that, you know, just 'cause you're not good at sports, means you can still -- doesn't mean you can't enjoy them. and so, i've leveled out. >> jimmy: there you go. [ light laughter ] so, we can enjoy the sequel around, after st. paddy's day -- >> that's right. >> jimmy: or we can just go to canada around st. paddy's day and see it. >> that's exactly right. >> jimmy: that's what were all going to do. >> come on up, you can stay with me. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: there you go. airbnb it, man. >> that's right. >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about. [ cheers and applause ] >> good reactions all night! >> jimmy: oh, they love you, man. come on. "man seeking woman." this is the third season of this. >> yeah, i know, it's crazy. >> jimmy: congratulations. that's fantastic. >> thank you. thank you. >> jimmy: and i think the critics obviously responding, they love it. but this -- this season's the best one yet. >> i think so, yeah. we kind of did a, did kind of a a crazy thing which is like -- for the you know, 14 of you that have ever seen "man seeking woman," we do a very kind of truthful absurdist take on what it is to be single. and so for us to add a love interest in this season and have me move in with somebody
12:25 am
30 seconds into the -- into the season, it's like, how do we do that hard a pov shift, but still give the weird show that we've been giving people. >> jimmy: it is great. it's refreshing. >> and i adore it. >> jimmy: it's different. it's -- i think this is -- this is a good year, man. >> thank you. thank you very much. >> jimmy: it's very, very, very, very funny. great writing on that show. and great directing as well. i want to show a clip. here's jay baruchel in "man seeking woman." take a look at this. ♪ >> i am so excited. finally get to meet the famous paddy greenberg. whatcha doing, josh? >> uh, well, i read online that yoga relaxes you, so i tried doing yoga. but i injured myself pretty badly, so now i'm just trying to make it better. >> josh, why are you so nervous? >> uh, look. lucy, i know how awesome you are. but my mother is a very particular person. and her house has like a a million weird little rules. >> josh, it's totally fine. it's going to be cool. we'll just -- we'll just feel it out, okay? >> you'll just feel it out? are you crazy? >> they're just parents. it's fine. >> you don't understand. you don't know what you're walking into. you don't know what these people are capable of.
12:26 am
[ light laughter ] >> jimmy: jay baruchel! [ cheers and applause ] "man seeking woman" airs wednesdays at 10:30 p.m. on fxx. "goon 2", st. paddy's day! we're going to canada! >> that's it. see you there. >> jimmy: we have stand-up from candice thompson next. stick around, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
12:27 am
most fast food places use formulas to create their combos. but all that math, doesn't always equal something tasty. at my place, you can get a mouthwatering sourdough bacon ranch combo for $4.99. with a full size beef patty, bacon, and creamy ranch sauce, on toasted sourdough bread. plus hot & salty fries and refreshing freestyle drink. because flavor always beats formulas. the sourdough bacon ranch combo, just $4.99 for a limited time. combos done my way. of reach for far too long:s have health insurance.that's been out
12:28 am
how? they enrolled through covered california. it's the health insurance marketplace where you'll find a range of plans from leading health insurance companies that offer you the best combination of quality, rates, and benefits. and, through covered california, you may get financial help to pay for coverage. to get covered, you've got to get going. open enrollment ends january 31st. visit covereca.com today. anything with a screen is a tv. stream 130 live channels, plus 40,000 on demand tv shows and movies, all on the go. you can even download from your x1 dvr and watch it offline. only xfinity gives you more to stream to any screen. download the xfinity tv app today.
12:29 am
12:30 am
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my next guest can be seen at the hollywood improv in california february 24th, and at the comedy store in la jolla, california, march 2nd through the 4th. making her "tonight show" debut, please welcome candice thompson! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> this is so exciting to be here, you guys! thank you. [ cheers and applause ] yes. yes!
12:31 am
so, 2017 has actually started out really great for me. i found out that i have a a peeping tom. [ light laughter ] yes, that is correct. that is a guy who has been outside of my window watching me without my knowledge. and i found out about this. you know, i called my friend immediately and she was like panicking, "oh, my god, what are you going to do? what are you going to do?" and i was like, "well, nothing. this is actually the healthiest relationship i have ever been in." [ light laughter ] like he is loyal. [ laughter ] he shows up at the same time every night. [ laughter ] says very positive things about my body, you know. i think i'm going to make this peeping tom thing work. what does it say about me that i've been working out more since i know he's been watching me? [ laughter ] what does that say about me that i've reviewed my gym membership? look, i got to keep these abs tight, 'cause i don't want to come home and he's at the neighbor's window because that's just -- that is rejection. [ applause ]
12:32 am
what are you looking rhonda for? [ light laughter ] then i got to have a talk with rhonda. excuse me, rhonda, i just want to let you know that you're just his side peep. [ laughter ] right. he might come dabble over at your window when he gets lonely, but he always comes back to me. [ laughter and applause ] that's my man. i have a very hard time dating, because i have a great father. [ laughter ] you don't normally hear that, do you? what you normally hear is women complaining about how hard it is to date when they don't have a good father. because they don't have that role model to look up to and they don't know how guys are supposed to treat them. but on the flip side, when you have a great father, you know exactly how you're supposed to be treated and it stinks. [ light laughter ] because now you have standards. and every guy lives in the shadow of my amazing father. and just to give you an idea of what i'm talking about, my father is so great that he has never let my mom pump gas. true story. true story. [ cheers and applause ]
12:33 am
yeah. they've been together for 40 years. and in 40 years, joyce thompson has never touched a gas pump. [ light laughter ] meanwhile, i'm dating guys that siphon gas out of my tank. [ laughter and applause ] yeah. me and my sister are both very single and it is my dad's fault for being too perfect. you know, he just had to come home every night, didn't he? he just had to come home every night and pay the bills and love us and stuff. you know? like what are you doing? you know? my friend, debbie, she had a a terrible father growing up and she's been unhappily married now for six years and that could have been me! [ laughter and applause ] no. no. my father had to drink alcohol in moderation. [ laughter ] he's selfish. i grew up in a two-parent household, which i don't like
12:34 am
because people expect you to succeed. [ light laughter ] yeah, it's a lot of pressure. it's actually gotten to the point when i envy my friends who don't have fathers, because they get to mess up a little bit. you know? my friend debbie that i mentioned, who didn't have a a father growing up, every little thing that she did, everyone was so impressed by it. "candice, can you believe debbie got her g.e.d?" [ laughter ] "can you believe it? it is a miracle, praise jesus. you know she doesn't have a a father." [ laughter and applause ] meanwhile, i come home with a a four-year degree, come home to all types of disappointment. "a bachelor's degree. with all of your parents?" [ laughter ] "what are you doing? you should have been an astronaut lawyer." [ laughter and applause ] get it together. it's a waste of parents. [ laughter ] now i am mixed. both my parents are black and
12:35 am
native american. that is correct, black and native american. and apparently, when the two most oppressed races unite, this child just comes out looking white. [ laughter and applause ] thank you. that actually is the recipe if you go on pinterest. [ laughter ] but the one thing that i've always wanted that i've never gotten throughout life is the nod. and if you don't know what the nod is -- the nod is when a a black person walks into a a room and makes eye contact with the only other black person in the room, something magical happens. and it looks something like this. [ laughter and applause ] that's the nod. you guys have been fantastic. i've been candice thompson. thank you. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: oh, my gosh! side peep. candice thompson! [ cheers and applause ] candice thompson! for more from candice, please visit
12:36 am
candicethompsoncomedy.com. my thanks to glenn close, jay baruchel, candice thompson once again! [ cheers and applause ] and the roots, right there, from philadelphia, pennsylvania. [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night. i hope to see you tomorrow. bye-bye, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
12:37 am
[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- katie couric, star of "gold," actress bryce dallas howard, writer matt taibbi. featuring the 8g band with darren king. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. >> seth: good evening, everybody, i'm seth meyers,. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] great to hear. in that case, let's get to the news. greenpeace activists climbed to the top of a construction crane overlooking the white house, and unfurled a banner printed with the word "resist." look at this incredible photo.

232 Views

info Stream Only

Uploaded by TV Archive on