tv The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon NBC January 26, 2017 11:34pm-12:38am PST
caused today on highway 17 as police looked for this suspect. again, this is going on right now in a neighborhood on locust drive in los gatos. >> and that is right off highway 17. so we will have our crews stay there throughout the night and update you on the twitter feed and the next news cast at 4:30. >> that will do it for us this evening. >> thank you for joining us, have a great friday. >> bye-bye. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center in the heart of new york city, it's "the tonight show starring jimmy fallon." tonight, join jimmy and his guests -- danny devito, brit marling, 12-year-old advice expert,
ciro ortiz, musical guest jon bellion, and featuring the legendary roots crew. >> questlove: 611! santa barbara! >> steve: and now, here he is, jimmy fallon! ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, my goodness! i feel the love! i feel the love. i feel the love. right back at you. welcome, everybody. welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome to "the tonight show." this is it. [ cheers and applause ] this is the one to be at. this is a hot show. welcome. we're going to have fun
tonight. here's what people are talking about, you guys. it's been nearly a week since president trump took office and i read that trump's white house is already stocked with his favorite snacks. including lay's potato chips and doritos. [ light laughter ] so that makes one cabinet trump's manage to fill. and so that's -- [ laughter and applause ] let's start there. "has congress confirmed my ramen noodles yet?" [ laughter ] "chicken or beef. i don't like the shrimp flavor." [ laughter ] "all right. i'll take the shrimp." [ light laughter ] last night on abc donald trump gave his first interview since becoming president and trump said getting the nuclear codes was a very sobering moment for him. which is interesting, because that's also the moment most people started drinking. wow. [ applause ] [ glug ] trump also praised the white house, saying it has the most beautiful phones he's ever used in his life. [ laughter ]
>> steve: what? >> jimmy: yeah. he says it really takes the sting out of being hung up on by other world leaders. >> steve: oh. >> jimmy: "angela merkel? okay -- what? it's a very nice phone. it's a very nice phone." well, actually though, get this. cnn is reporting that north korean leader kim jong-un wants to meet with president trump. you know things are crazy when even kim jong-un's like "i've got to see this for myself. [ laughter and applause ] let's go. warm up the plane. let's get out -- i got to check this thing out." >> steve: he did what? >> jimmy: "would you like any doritos?" [ laughter ] "cool ranch. it's really cool." mexican president enrique pena nieto cancelled his trip to washington, after trump signed an order to start construction on his border wall. [ audience oohs ] marking perhaps the only mexican who will actually be kept out by it. [ laughter and applause ] he's like -- "i stopped one. pretty good.
i haven't even built it yet." this morning president trump went to philadelphia, taking his first flight on air force one. yeah. and since this plane doesn't have his name on it, he spent 20 minutes on the tarmac pressing his keys trying to figure out which wan was his. he's like -- [ car alarm beep ] [ laughter and applause ] "there it is. i see it." actually trump is attending a a republican retreat in philadelphia and the lawmakers attending received a welcome gift in their hotel rooms. this is real. take a look. yeah. trump -- [ laughter ] trump socks. trump socks. it's the perfect gift, because right now republicans are getting cold feet about this whole thing. so, trump socks. [ laughter and applause ] that's good. >> steve: for the people yelling at the march. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: trump socks. trump socks go all the way up to your knee. you know, just like his ties. [ light laughter ] they go down and they meet in the same area. guys, listen to this.
a new survey finds that nearly two thirds of americans have been affected by data theft or fraud. yeah. yet they still felt comfortable sharing their personal information with a stranger taking a survey. [ laughter ] "i don't know why this keeps happening to me. oh, i live on 26 elm street. yes. my mother's maiden name? oh." [ light laughter ] "my first dog -- my first pet's name was jasper. i don't know why i keep getting hacked. it's terrible." [ laughter ] "my social security number? oh, it's uh, 039 -- it's just terrible. i get hacked like every other week." [ light laughter ] finally, it's rumored that apple is working on an enhanced version of siri for the next iphone. they say the new phone will be able to say, "sorry i didn't catch that" in over a dozen different voices. >> sorry, i didn't catch that. [ applause ] >> jimmy: we have a great show tonight. give it up for the roots, right there, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, guys! thank you very much. thank you for being here. thank you for watching. i really appreciate it. ah, i love ya. i love you right back. guys, we're going to do something fun next week. judd apatow and keanu reeves are coming on the show. for separate -- [ cheers ] yeah. [ applause ] separate reasons. they're not doing a movie together, they just happen to be the guests that night. [ light laughter ] they're coming on the show and the three of us are going to do some stand-up comedy together, on the show. that's right, keanu reeves -- [ applause ] keanu reeves is going to do stand-up comedy. so -- [ laughter ] but here's the deal. the jokes aren't going to be written by us, they're going to be written by children. [ light laughter ] so, here's where i need your help. if you have a kid between five and 10 years old, i want you to have them write some jokes. they can be anything. a knock-knock joke, a joke they made up, a joke they heard at school, whatever. when they're done, email the jokes to firstname.lastname@example.org. we're going to choose our favorites and then judd, keanu, and i will perform those jokes
on the show. [ cheers and applause ] that's next week? yeah, next week. it's been a great week so far. there's more ahead. tomorrow night, our pal, she is just the best, drew barrymore will be here. >> steve: oh! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: she has a new netflix show -- >> steve: come on. >> jimmy: "santa clarita diet." drew and i are going to attempt to break a few guinness world records together. >> steve: ooh. >> jimmy: yeah, real deal ones, yeah. it's going to be fun. plus we have tom brokaw on the show tomorrow. >> steve: ah. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: and we have music from parquet courts. [ cheers and applause ] that's going to be a good show. >> steve: whoa! >> jimmy: and, of course, "thank you notes." that's tomorrow night. but first, we have a fun show tonight. he stars in a new movie with robert de niro called "the comedian." also he's about to make his broadway debut in "the price." the very funny, the very talented danny devito is here tonight! >> steve: oh! [ cheers and applause ] danny! danny! >> jimmy: my man. also, one of my new favorite shows, from the netflix series
"the oa" -- have you seen this yet? >> steve: no. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: love it. brit marling is joining us tonight. >> steve: wow. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: she's great. also joining us tonight, gosh, he's so cute. i was talking to him backstage. 12-year-old advice expert ciro ortiz is here. [ cheers and applause ] he's a tiny little man. little boy. he's this big. >> steve: is he really? >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. no. he's -- >> steve: can he fit in your pocket? >> jimmy: he's 12 years old. he's a normal sized boy. [ laughter ] but he gives advice. he goes -- he goes down to, like, the subway. and he's on the side of the subway and he sits down and people come up to him. they give him two bucks and he talks to people about their problems and stuff. [ light laughter ] >> steve: that's fantastic. >> jimmy: it's great. so, if you got -- yeah, think of a problem. if you got one for him later he'll hook you up. [ light laughter ] and we have great music from jon bellion, everybody. >> steve: yeah! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's a real photo. >> steve: that's a real photo? >> jimmy: that's an actual photo. >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: yeah.
that's his backyard. [ light laughter ] >> steve: yes. he's very photogenic. >> jimmy: yeah, he's very photo -- he's a stud. guys, i'm sure you all know the popular game "two truths and a a lie?" ever heard of it? [ cheers ] what you do, you list three things about your -- you're already confused, higgins? no, this is -- you've heard of this. >> steve: "two truths and a a lie"? sure, i'll go with it. >> jimmy: go with it? what do you mean go with it? you've played it before. you list three things about yourself. one of them is a lie. >> steve: oh, okay. >> jimmy: yeah. well i heard that they had their own version of this game at the white house. >> steve: really? >> jimmy: yeah. so tonight i thought -- [ laughter ] it's really fun. [ cheers ] they're having a blast doing it. no. so, it's -- i thought it would be fun to try it out tonight. i want to try out their version. it's time for "two truths and an alternative fact." >> steve: really? [ cheers and applause ] ♪ two truths and an alternative fact ♪ >> jimmy: so it's -- the first two things are truth. >> steve: right. >> jimmy: and then there's an alternative fact. >> steve: right. >> jimmy: thrown in there. [ light laughter ] >> steve: alternative? >> jimmy: like -- first, up with have qdoba. >> steve: qdoba.
>> jimmy: qdoba is a chain of mexican restaurants. >> steve: true. >> jimmy: it is owned by jack-in-the-box. >> steve: true. >> jimmy: and finally qdoba is spanish for "not chipotle." [ laughter ] >> steve: okay. >> jimmy: it's not -- see how it works? it goes, truth, truth -- alternative fact. >> steve: alternative fact. >> jimmy: here's another one. here's kellyanne conway. [ light laughter ] kellyanne conway is one of trump's most trusted advisers. she is a law school graduate. and finally, kellyanne conway is an american girl doll that came to life. >> steve: really? [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: can you tell which one? >> steve: that's alternative -- that's an alternative truth. >> jimmy: no. we've kind of mixed 'em up. so you never know which one's the alternative. >> steve: yeah, which one's which. you don't know, man. >> jimmy: next up, we have shake shack. >> steve: shake shack! >> jimmy: shake shack is a -- [ cheers ] yeah. it is a chain of burger restaurants based in new york city. it actually began as a food cart in madison square park. and shake shack is what shaq call as vibrating massage chair. [ laughter and applause ]
>> steve: shake shack. [ vibrating noise ] >> jimmy: it's time to shake. time to shake shaq. [ laughter ] >> steve: alternative fact. >> jimmy: big chair. ah -- next up is sean spicer. >> steve: sean spicer. >> jimmy: sean spicer is a a political strategist. he's the current white house press secretary. and finally, sean spicer is actually an 11-year-old who found the fortune telling machine from "big." >> steve: really? [ applause ] zoltar. >> jimmy: this suit fits! period! [ laughter ] >> steve: gosh. >> jimmy: up next we have jeff sessions. jeff sessions is a u.s. senator. he's also trump's pick for attorney general. and finally, jeff sessions is a a grown-up alfred e. neuman. >> steve: oh, wow. [ applause ]
the gap in the tooth gives it away. >> jimmy: i don't know if that's real. >> steve: that's an alternative tooth. >> jimmy: nah, i think we might've -- >> steve: you might have added that gap? >> jimmy: well, i don't know. >> steve: that's alternative. >> jimmy: it's an alternative fact. >> steve: it's "what, you worry?" that's his catchphrase, it's "what, you worry?" >> jimmy: finally -- [ laughter ] >> steve: they can't be all gems. >> jimmy: we have the tyrannosaurus rex. >> steve: oh. >> jimmy: the tyrannosaurus rex was the most feared dinosaur. it preyed upon other creatures. and finally, tyrannosaurus rex overcompensated for his small arms by tweeting insults at other dinosaurs. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] that's it. that's all -- that's all we have for "two truths and an alternative fact." stay tuned. we'll be right back with more of "the tonight show"! it's good! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ surprising moments. they're everywhere. and as a marriot rewards member,
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, guys, we use twitter on our show every single week. so if you watch our show and you want to play along we do this thing every wednesday where i will send out a hashtag and we ask guys to tweet out things based on that topic. and as i said before a lot of people have been talking about the phrase alternative facts this week. so i went on twitter and sent out a hashtag called #worstlieievertold. [ laughter ] all right, i asked you guys to tweet out a weird, funny, or embarrassing lie that you or someone else has told. i thought of my -- i should have tweeted it out, but i forgot. i just thought of, i told my grandma that my hair got dyed because i was swimming in the pool too much. but it was i was using sun-in. [ laughter ] google it kids. it was a thing. my sister had it. my mom had it. i used it and she was like, "you're lying to me. " you're dyeing your hair. i go, "i'm not dyeing my hair. " it's the pool. i swim in the pool too much. [ laughter ] i had, like, orange hair. i was, you're wrong. [ laughter ] >> steve: period! >> jimmy: sad. we got thousands of tweets. within 15 minutes it was a
a trending topic in the u.s. so thank you for those tweets. [ cheers and applause ] now here of some of my favorite #worstlieievertold tweets from you guys. this one's from @thefaithham. [ light laughter ] >> steve: i got faith in ham. >> jimmy: she says, "i would hide in the pantry to eat candy so my kids wouldn't see. when they found me i told them i'd been praying." [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: ah. that's not going to be good. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: this one's from @fergetit. he says, "i once told my sister there was a coin between a a nickel and a dime called a a dickel." [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: oh, yeah. [ laughter ] whoa! oh! >> jimmy: she believed in dickels for a week. [ laughter ] >> steve: i believed in dickels all my life. >> jimmy: how many dickels is that? yeah. [ laughter ] >> steve: put up your -- >> jimmy: this is from @belleofbabble. she says, "i told my niece and nephew that it's illegal to get
married before 30 so they'd stop asking why i'm not married." [ laughter ] it's like, enough, enough. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: i don't believe in dickels. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: this one's from @mmmorgantx. she said, "i would spray wiper fluid as we pass the park and tell my daughter we couldn't go because it was raining." [ laughter and applause ] that's cold. that's cold! >> steve: that's cold blooded. >> jimmy: that's ice cold! [ laughter ] i'd love to go on the seesaw. no way. no way. it's too wet. >> steve: i got to watch my stories. >> jimmy: this one is from @rogerusaf. he says, "i told my kids that f.a.o. schwarz was a toy museum so they wouldn't ask me to buy anything for them." [ laughter ] hey don't touch. >> steve: don't touch. >> jimmy: don't touch anything. >> steve: look with your eyes. [ applause ] touch with your eyes. come on. >> jimmy: it's a toy museum. there's 30 transformers. the same one. >> steve: those numbers are the catalog numbers. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: last one from
@emilyofcoursey. she says, "guy asked if i remembered his name, i'm like, yeah, but how do you spell it? he's like, t j." [ laughter ] you spell it like that? there is our "tonight show" hashtags. check more out more of our favorites, go to tonightshow.com/hashtags. we'll be right back with danny devito, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ what if technology
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is an emmy and golden globe award-winning actor who stars opposite robert de niro in "the comedian" which opens in theaters everywhere february 3rd and on february 16th, he will make his broadway debut. can't wait to talk about this, in arthur miller's "the price," at the roundabout theatre right here in new york city. ladies and gentlemen, please
welcome danny devito! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's that's how you do it right there. >> thank you. >> jimmy: that's how you do it. >> thank you all. jimmy, jimmy, jimmy, jimmy, jimmy, jimmy, jimmy. >> jimmy: you look fantastic. look at -- look at this. >> you like it like that? >> jimmy: i love it. it looks fantastic. >> i'm doing a play. like you said, the broadway show, the roundabout, it's called "the price." i play an old man. [ laughter ] i play an old -- a furniture dealer. a furniture dealer with a -- >> jimmy: a furniture dealer. >> yeah a furniture dealer with a yiddish accent. >> jimmy: is that right? >> yeah. >> jimmy: that's fantastic. >> it's very, very good. arthur miller, fantastic and i got a great cast.
>> jimmy: you really --. >> mark. mark ruffalo. [ applause ] >> jimmy: what's not to love? >> fuhgedaboudit. >> jimmy: what's not to love? >> tony shalhoub, -- hello jessica heck. hmm. the director i'm not going to mention. >> jimmy: why? >> no, no. i like him. terry kenny. very, very nice. i'm kidding. >> jimmy: this is the first time on broadway? i don't believe it. >> i've never been on broadway. >> jimmy: i've walked on broadway once. >> a couple times. i used to go a lot on broadway. >> jimmy: but this is a big deal. this is -- i mean -- gosh, when was "taxi"? and bring us all back to "taxi." >> ooh [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. well, "taxi" was 1 1978 we started "taxi." before you were born. >> jimmy: no, it was not. it was not before i was born but i love the show so much, you know i --. >> aw good. >> jimmy: every time you come on i always talk to you about it. but i did not know that the show was based on an article. >> oh, yeah. it was a -- i think it was it "the new yorker." "new yorker." "new york" magazine article, it was just a one-page article. it was all about a garage down in downtown you know, where
people -- taxi drivers, and everybody in the, in the article. if i remember correctly, nobody was really a cab driver. they were all other things. just like the show. you know, like tony danza was a a boxer. >> jimmy: yeah jeff conway was an actor, marilu henner was into art. you know what i mean. i was like, you know, a pain in the ass. [ light laughter ] i was in -- >> jimmy: you were so great. i mean, everything. but, gosh, i mean, louie de palma one of the best characters ever in history. >> judd was the only one in the show that was really a cab driver. everybody else was like -- >> jimmy: oh yeah you're right. >> yeah, but he was the cab driver. everybody else didn't want to do it. yeah. >> jimmy: that's right. it was a good joe. >> jimmy: and james l. brooks. >> jim brooks, yeah, he was like, right in there. >> jimmy: i mean i'd just love to -- what a great cast. >> yeah. >> jimmy: but you would do physical comedy. >> all the time. >> jimmy: you were fantastic at it. you would do a bit where even -- you just made a face and you were like -- hmm. >> yeah. hmm. jimmy: and then -- [ talking over each other ] >> and like, and it's like -- if i snaked somebody, i would
go, i meann-yea! [ laughter ] i would have -- >> jimmy: i would have laughed. i would have ruined everything. >> no, no. oh, i used to ruin takes all the time. >> jimmy: i would ruin every take. >> oh we always did. everybody did. >> jimmy: but i mean the crowd would clap and laugh for like three minutes straight. >> yeah, i know. >> we have four cameras. so you cut between the two. save everything. otherwise, boy, we would have trashed that show. it would have been awful. >> jimmy: but what a great -- did the cast hang out and -- >> oh, yeah. oh, yeah. we hung out too much. >> jimmy: you did? >> oh, yeah. one of those things. it was -- you remember, like i said '78. so we worked through the beginning of the '80s. you know. it was very, very volatile time in california, you know. it was a lot of like -- it snowed every day. let's put it that way. [ applause ] >> jimmy: oh. perfect way to do that. no that's a perfect way to do it. that's perfect. >> we were on the paramount lot. we had "laverne & shirley" was on.
>> jimmy: yeah "happy days." they were there. >> jimmy: mork and mindy." >> mark and mi -- >> i saw, robin williams, rest his soul. he was rehearsing, mork, "mork & mindy" like right, the next stage. it was, like, really cool. you just walked down there and you'd see him onstage. the first time i ever saw him. it was like amazing. an amazing, amazing comedian and he was terrific, and we -- and they would come to see us. it was like really a a synergistic kind of thing on the lot. you know everybody, like supported each other. people would come on a friday night and watch our show. we shot in front of an audience like this, you know, every friday night and then at 10:00, 11:00, maybe, we would finish, and -- party until sunday, go to work on monday. amazing. [ cheers and applause ] and -- >> jimmy: and was robert de niro was around that time, too? didn't all you guys hang out? >> well i knew robert from -- like -- making the rounds in
new york. i see him in -- the late '60s we met. so we never worked together. this is the first -- "the comedian" is the first movie we're working together. i play his brother. he's terrific in the movie. really great in the movie. you know bob is like -- he gets into the character. he plays this really kind of you know -- tough, like, very -- you comedian. he's a comedian. the name of the movie. "the comedian." but he's a real you know -- like, he's got kind of an edge. you know how he does when he gets an edge to him? bob, de niro. like, he goes -- the edge is like so deep and it's just like you could fall into it and disappear. he's like -- he's an ass[ bleep ] in the movie. >> jimmy: all right, all right, hey danny, come on, now. come on now. >> no, he's great. >> jimmy: this is an acting role. >> he was very nice. he's very nice. >> he's acting. he's acting. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. but -- leslie mann is in this as well. >> leslie mann. it's funny. patti lupone is in the movie. >> jimmy: i love patti lupone! and oh my god. she's in -- edi falco i remember seeing.
>> and edi falco is in the movie. >> jimmy: fantastic. all your favorites in this movie. >> taylor hackford directed it. i can't remember the kraft service guy's name, otherwise -- >> jimmy: but he was great too or yeah. but basically, de niro is a tv star and now he's just -- from 20 years ago. and now making the rounds as a a stand-up comic. >> but what he really wants to do is he really wants to do stand-up. >> jimmy: yeah. >> but always known as eddie. the guy on tv. >> jimmy: sitcom. >> yeah. it's like he's got a chip on his shoulder about that. and heckler, and that's one thing you don't want to have with bob. >> jimmy: no. >> no. you don't want him to have a a chip on his shoulder about you. >> jimmy: not you want him to have a good time. >> right, bob? >> jimmy: so somebody -- yeah. >> don't mess with bob. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. no. i saw you over at "a bronx tale" the play. >> ooh. that was the night we saw the -- wait a minute. that was -- you? you were with -- this is -- was it your mother? was your mother there. >> jimmy: yeah. >> didn't your mother do the thing with the candy? >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ]
>> yeah! your mother. you didn't hear it. >> jimmy: no. did you hear it? >> are you kidding? everybody heard it. what do you mean? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what are you talking about? >> ruined the play for everybody. what was that all about? >> jimmy: she was unwrapping candy. >> you kept giving her candy? >> jimmy: no she -- i didn't know what she was unwrapping, and i heard this unwrapping and i go, "i hope it's not my mother." >> but everybody was looking at you. >> jimmy: well no because it was a very quiet scene. >> and everybody was looking at you. >> jimmy: and then i look, and i go -- wow. >> i thought it was you. >> jimmy: no, it wasn't me. i don't say a word. and then she goes -- she had her hand out and she goes, "you want an altoid?" and i go -- >> an altoid? >> jimmy: she wanted an -- she wanted an altoid. >> wait. they come in a box. >> jimmy: that's what i said. there's nothing even that wrinkles in there. maybe that tiny piece of paper. i go, "what are you making, origami?" i didn't know what she was doing. [ laughter ] breaking the paper. i don't -- no. excuse me. but she's -- >> it was very nice. she was great. >> jimmy: we'll be there opening night, at "the price," to go see danny devito. we'll be there opening night. you'll be hearing us. >> i'll be listening for the candy wrapper. >> jimmy: no, we won't.
we love you but i'm going to come see you. check this out. i want to show everybody a clip of danny devito in "the comedian." take a look at this. >> we sent you an invitation. we heard nothing. >> i was in prison i told you. >> before that. >> he doesn't have to come if he's too busy. >> you don't have to come if it's too much trouble. >> it's not too much trouble. >> no, if it's too much trouble, don't come. >> i don't need the extra aggravation if it's going to be trouble for you. i don't want it to become a a thing. >> it's not a thing. >> well, if it's going to be a a thing don't bother. >> i don't think it's a thing. >> it's not a problem, it's not a thing. >> i would love to come. i'll be there. >> it's a week from sunday. >> a week from sunday? >> yeah. >> i will be there. >> so you -- you want to stay and have thanksgiving dinner with us after we close? >> not really. >> it's not a thing! >> jimmy: danny devito, "the comedian" opens in theaters everywhere february 3rd. go see him on broadway in "the price," at the roundabout theatre on february 16th through may 7th. we'll be right back with brit marling. will you stick around? >> oh, yeah.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] jimmy: our next guest is a a talented writer and actress who created, wrote, and stars in the netflix series "the oa." season one is available right now. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome brit marling! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you for being here. thank you for coming on. and -- yeah. "oa." >> that was rad. >> jimmy: yeah. that was pretty good, right? the "oa." and we're -- i'm not allowed to say what the oa is. you can't mention what -- what it stands for. maybe it doesn't stand for anything?
>> you could mention what you think it stands for, but i could neither confirm nor deny. [ laughter ] >> danny: the oa. >> jimmy: the other angle. >> that's a good one. but i -- i can't say. i really can't. >> jimmy: cause you're seeing things from a different angle. >> i mean, basically. right? that's what -- >> jimmy: i don't know what it is. >> what do you think it is? do you have -- >> jimmy: i haven't gotten to the -- >> danny: orgasm after. >> jimmy: no, no, no. danny! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] he's correct. he's correct. that's exactly what it is. but don't -- no spoilers. >> why didn't i think of that myself? that's what i want to know. [ laughter ] will you join us in the writers' room? >> danny: oh, sure. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: how did you pitch this show to netflix, because that's a tricky idea. >> a really tricky idea. i think, you know zal and i co-created the show together. >> jimmy: and that's your writing partner. right? >> zal batmanglij, yes. we met in college and we came up with a story because we just sit in a room together and act stuff out. so we thought this is how you pitch something.
so we would go into the pitch room -- there would be a room full of executives and we'd just start -- stand-up and we'd play all the parts and anything in the room was fair game for a a prop. so zal would, like, grab an executive woman's handbag and pull something out of the bag. and that would be the knife in the scene. you know, just like her sunglasses and we'd act this whole thing out. and at the end, i remember the first time we did a pitch like that the executive was just looking at us like -- [ laughter ] and we were like, wow, that went so badly. and then he leaned across the table and was like, don't ever change. and it took me a long time to figure out that he really actually enjoyed that pitch. because later on a screenwriter friend told me, that is not how you pitch a show, or anything. >> jimmy: no. you have to, like, have it pipe down. it's very boring. >> you come in and you say it's "terms of endearment" meets the "ghostbusters." like, just give them a matchup they haven't seen and let them imagine the rest. >> jimmy: yeah. but this is hard to match up. because there's so many things happening in this thing. but it's fantastic. i'll just set this up for people so they kind of
understand. the first episode basically your character is -- has a near death experience. is that right? >> yes. a near death experience. >> jimmy: a near death experience. and she gains her sight back. >> yeah. >> jimmy: she was blind. >> she was blind. >> jimmy: now she's not blind. >> yeah. >> jimmy: watch it. [ laughter ] >> and she won't talk about that experience with the fbi. >> jimmy: no, no, no, no, no, no. >> or her parents. >> jimmy: no one know what's went -- do you think you know what it means? >> she won't tell danny. >> danny: i'm not saying nothing. >> she might tell danny. >> jimmy: maybe it's optical something. optical alien. obsti -- >> danny: optimum ass[ bleep ]. >> jimmy: no, no, you can't. [ laughter and applause ] >> danny: what? >> jimmy: he's actually right. i did check that. it is that. he was right again. >> danny: i'm pitching. >> jimmy: that's the second -- >> danny: i'm just pitching it. i'm in the room. i'm in the room. [ laughter ] do i have -- >> jimmy: it is so fun and you know who i love, the woman who plays the teacher. >> phyllis smith. she's amazing, right? >> jimmy: i love her face.
i love her acting. i just think she's fantastic. i want to show a clip. here's brit marling and jason isaacs in "the oa." take a look at this. >> i have a proposal for you. we leave tomorrow. >> and the others? >> i'll take -- that's a a detail. i will take care of them. >> i will not go with you. ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> danny: oh, man. oh, man. >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about. brit marling, everybody. season one of "the oa" is available now on netflix. we'll be back with 12-year-old advice expert ciro ortiz, come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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from brooklyn who got in the news recently when he started offering emotional advice to people on a subway platform here in new york city. here to tell us more about his story and maybe offer us some advice is a sixth grader from ms 577. ciro ortiz, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> nice to meet you. >> very nice to meet you. >> jimmy: ciro, welcome to the show. thank you for being here. are you excited about this? is this fun? >> kind of. [ laughter ] did i stump you? >> jimmy: have you -- have you seen the show before? my show? >> not really. [ laughter ]
>> jimmy: i'm sorry we didn't have more time to talk, but it's a pleasure to meet -- no. i'm just kidding. no. you are a -- how old are you? >> 11. oh, wait. 12. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: ah. gotcha! gotcha. >> jimmy: how did you get into this whole thing? how did you get into giving emotional advice. here you are here. [ audience aws ] do you remember this? >> yes. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i think. >> jimmy: what happened? >> it's, like, when i -- it's just that moment when you're about to go to bed, but then you get the most amazing ideas ever. for no reason. >> jimmy: yeah. and you had that. you had that epiphany. you're about to go to sleep. and then you said, "hey, mom, dad, i got this great idea, i'm going to go to the subway and just give advice." >> hmm, not that specifically. [ laughter ] i say -- i said something about setting up a stand. and my dad said something about, maybe, giving them emotional advice, because i'm good at that. apparently. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: emotional advice. so what -- so people -- so can you give me an example? people will come up to you and they will ask you for --
give me an example. what would they ask you? >> they would ask me about family trouble or something like that. >> jimmy: really? >> jimmy: oh, so, maybe saying my wife and i are going through some marital problems. can you give me some advice? >> hmm. >> jimmy: no. i'm not saying that. i'm, i'm, no -- [ laughter ] i'm happily married, no. honey, i love you. nothing is wrong at home. everything's great! you're going to get me in trouble already. now, if a stranger would ask that, or someone that has a a thing. i'm fine. [ light laughter ] >> okay. >> jimmy: or do you want me to ask you a question? can i ask you a question? >> yes. >> jimmy: well what do you do with -- with the mean kids or bullies? on twitter. if there's people on twitter. there's, like, trolls and bullies. what would you say to them? what's your advice? >> it's not a big deal. just words on a screen. do your best to ignore it. i do. >> jimmy: there you go. [ applause ] just words on a screen. that's not bad.
and how much would i normally -- would i give you money for that advice? >> well, if you don't have it, then, no, you don't. [ audience aws ] if you do, then, yes. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: and how much money -- do you save the money? >> yes. >> jimmy: and what are you saving up for? >> depends. >> jimmy: give me an example of something you want. [ light laughter ] >> nothing really. i have no idea right now. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: you have no idea what you want? >> i was going to save up for a a microwave for my dad. but then my grandma beat me to it. and then i was going save up for a drone for myself. but then my dad beat me to it. [ light laughter ] i mean, i have no idea. >> jimmy: so you have a drone and a microwave? >> well, it's like -- >> jimmy: same -- same thing? >> a toy drone. it's not like not a real drone. >> jimmy: that still counts. >> but they still beat me to it. >> jimmy: yeah. i heard you like video games. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i heard that wanted to get that new classic nintendo one. >> no. my dad wants to. [ laughter and applause ]
>> jimmy: well, give this to your dad for us. will you? [ cheers and applause ] good to see you, buddy. [ laughter ] good to see you. really, really. i want you to come back. okay? and i want some -- we'll think of -- we'll get a microwave or something next time. [ laughter ] our thanks to ciro ortiz. how cool is this guy? [ cheers and applause ] you did great. follow him on instagram @emotionaladvicekid. jon bellion performs after the break. stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ directv now! the future of tv is now.
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his breakthrough single was just certified platinum. oh, that's awesome, pal. performing "all time low" off of his album "the human condition" give it up for jon bellion, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> this first joint is called "hall & oates." aka "this is it." rest in peace, dilla. ♪ they ask for me advice so what's it gone be i treat it like i'm preaching to a young me ♪ ♪ tell myself that you about to be like jon b scratch that jon lennon i am on key ♪ ♪ left handed layups with your pops in the street make your drums so college ♪ ♪ girls try to dance in the jeep keep the good beats for yourself ♪ ♪ keep a stash full of treats and the cover of the fader don't put ass in the seats ♪ ♪ realize the gifts that you've been given make you deadly in the kitchen ♪ ♪ that's lebron with curry pull up pop records for your digits ♪ ♪ the rythmn sense is lifted the whiteness is intended
they'll never mention privelege ♪ ♪ that's the wrong tree to bark up a willow with the whisper ♪ ♪ stay away from one oak you'll get the redwood from a mistress ♪ ♪ that's a packed line backs fine islands on your shoulder but it's snack time ♪ ♪ eat collect your publishing and act right ♪ ♪ eat collect your publishing and act right ♪ ♪ eat collect your publishing and act right ♪ ♪ eat collect your publishing and act right ♪ ♪ ♪ low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low ♪ ♪ ♪ low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low ♪ ♪ ♪ i was the knight in shining armor
in your movie ♪ ♪ would put your lips on mine and love the aftertaste now ♪ ♪ i'm a ghost i call your name you look right through me ♪ ♪ you're the reason i'm alone ♪ >> come on! ♪ and i've well i've been trying to fix my pride but that's been broken ♪ ♪ that's been broken girl ♪ and i i lie and i lie i try to hide but now you know it ♪ >> come on! ♪ and that i am at an all time ♪ ♪ low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low ♪ ♪ ♪ low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low ♪ ♪ ♪ i was the prototype
like 3 stacks on that cd an example of the perfect candidate ♪ ♪ now all your girlfriends say that you don't want to see me you're the reason ♪ ♪ that i just can't concentrate ♪ ♪ i, well i've been trying to fix my pride but that's been broken ♪ ♪ that's been broken ♪ and i i lie and i lie i try to hide but now you know it that i'm at an all time ♪ ♪ low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low ♪ ♪ ♪ low low low low low low low low low low low low low
low low low low low low low low low low low low low ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: come on, now. [ cheers and applause ] high five. jon bellion right there! catch him on tour right now, with twenty-one pilots. my thanks to danny devito, brit marling, ciro ortiz, jon bellion once again! [ cheers and applause ] and the roots, right there, from philadelphia, pennsylvania. stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night. hope to see you tomorrow. bye-bye, everyone! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- timothy olyphant. stars of "riverdale," actresses, lily reinhart and camila mendes. music from nelly furtado. featuring the 8g band with darren king. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. >> seth: good evening. i'm seth myers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? pcpc good to hear. in that case, let's get to the news. president trump's golf club in mar-a-lago, florida recently doubled it's initiation fee from $100,000 to $200,000. and if you think that's crazy, he tripled the number of people who were at the inauguration. [ laughter ] president trump said last night