tv Late Night With Seth Meyers NBC July 8, 2017 12:37am-1:38am PDT
♪ >> from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight, america ferrera. from "snatched," actor ike barinholtz. featuring the 8g band with josh dion. >> ladies and gentlemen, se meyers. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] so good to hear. so good to hear on a monday. in that case, let's get to the news. in a recent reuters interview, president trump reflected on his first 100 days in office saying, quote, i thought it would be easier. what made you think it was going to be easy?
[ light laughter ] this is what it did to a smart person. [ laughter ] by the time you're out of office, you're going to look like the toxic avenger. [ laughter ] president trump said yesterday that being president has been a big burden on his family. yes, but somehow we manage, said melania from her penthouse in new york. [ light laughter ] in an interview today, president trump questioned why america fought the civil war, even worse, then he questioned whom america fought in the civil war. [ light laughter ] wait, i know this one. was it china? [ laughter ] that's right. president trump questioned why america fought the civil war. you know, at this rate the only way trump is going to get a second term is if he's held back. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] all f's? i flunked everything? [ cheers and applause ]
i got a b-plus in phys ed. [ light laughter ] president trump published an op-ed in the "washington post" on saturday to promote the accomplishments of his first 100 days in office. but in retrospect, he probably bought a little too much space. [ light laughter ] southwest airlines has announced it will no longer overbook its flights while united says it will now match up flight attendants and passengers by weight class to make for fairer fights. [ light laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] good progress. according to the reuters, president trump has a button on his desk that he uses to order a coke. of course, he thinks it orders a nuclear strike but once he gets the coke in his hand, he forgets what he was so worked up about. [ laughter and applause ] scientists have developed a new robotic drill that could conduct brain surgery in two and a half minutes, because that's what you're aiming for when you get brain surgery, the speed record.
[ light laughter ] today was may day, although honestly i've been saying that every day since the inauguration. mayday! mayday! [ cheers and applause ] and finally, an arizona man was recently arrested for smuggling 67 pounds of marijuana. for reference, here's what 67 pounds of marijuana looks like. [ light laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, we've got a great show for you tonight. [ cheers and applause ] you know her from nbc's "superstore" our friend, america ferrera is back on the show tonight. [ cheers and applause ] always a delight to talk to her. also, he's in a hilarious new movie with amy schumer and goldie hawn, "snatched," ike barinholtz, my dear friend. [ cheers and applause ] ike barinholtz is joining us. so we're going to have a really good time tonight. before we get to all of that, the last few days of
donald trump's presidency have been very revealing. he has, among other things, feuded with the press, admitted that being president is harder than he thought, praised authoritarian rulers, and made bizarre comments about the civil war. for more on this it's time for "a closer look." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: as you may recall, trump's positions on most issues during the campaign weren't all that clear. but there was one thing he was very clear about, and that was that being president would be easy. >> we're going to make america great again. it's going to be easy. it's going to be easy. it's so -- it's going to be easy. >> believe me, the jobs are coming back, folks. that's going to be so easy. >> you're going to have such great health care at a tiny fraction of the cost, and it's going to be so easy. >> they don't understand it. they said, but how do you get them to pay? i said, it's so easy. and you understand. just rely on me. okay? so easy. that's so easy. >> seth: people who are actually reliable don't have to say the words rely on me. [ light laughter ]
if you ask your buddy to pick you up from the airport and he says rely me, get ready for dinner at cinnabon. [ light laughter ] of course the story of the first 100 days has been trump's child like naiveté colliding with reality. in fact, trump asked, without shame, admitted the basic aspects of the job have turned out to be harder than he thought. like health care or china's relationship with north korea. >> it's an unbelievably complex subject. nobody knew that health care could be so complicated. [ light laughter ] >> mr. trump said, he told his chinese counterpart he believed beijing could easily take care of the north korea threat. mr. xi then explained the history of china and korea. mr. trump said, and i'm quoting the president here, "after listening for ten minutes, i realized it's not so easy." [ light laughter ] >> seth: the president is literally being tutored by foreign leaders. [ light laughter ] and ater he taught me about the history of china and north korea, he helped me with my math homework, which was very -- [ light laughter ] and while he's at it, maybe president xi could give trump an american history lesson too, because today when trump was asked about his supposed model
for the presidency, andrew jackson, he went on a bizarre tangent about the civil war and jackson, who died 16 years before the war started. >> i mean, had andrew jackson been a little bit later, you wouldn't have had the civil war. he was really angry that he saw what was happening with regard to the civil war. he said, there's no reason for this. people don't realize the civil war -- you think about it, why? people don't ask that question, why was there the civil war? why could that one not have been worked out? [ light laughter ] >> seth: yeah. [ laughter and applause ] people -- people don't ask that question. [ cheers and applause ] no one ever asked why was there the civil war. [ light laughter ] and who can forget those searing letters from soldiers on the battlefield? ♪ dearest elizabeth, i write to you from the front lines where the civil war rages on for whatever reason. [ light laughter ]
today i bayoneted my owner brother, for what purpose, he cried out and i, of course could only respond, i do not know. nobody knows. [ light laughter ] general grant informed us today we will be marching on to gettysburg, why? what's there i asked. [ light laughter ] he shrugged, confused. who knows he said and cited the famous words of our current president, andrew jackson, there's no reason for this. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] so trump clearly, clearly does not have a firm grasp on the basic aspects of being president, let alone basic facts about american history. and now he's essentially admitting that he's in over his head telling a reporter that he didn't expect the job of president to be this hard. >> i loved my previous life. i loved my previous life. i have so many things going. i actually, this is more work than in my previous life. i thought it would be easier. i thought it was more of a -- i'm a details oriented person, i think you would say that.
but i do miss my old life. this -- i like to work, so that's not a problem, but this is actually more work. [ laughter ] >> seth: you thought the presidency would be easier than being a game show host? [ laughter ] there's a reason abraham lincoln is on the 5 instead of alex trebek. [ laughter and applause ] although i have to say, i have to say -- that this, this is the most absurd part of trump's answer. >> i'm a details-oriented person. i think you would say that. >> seth: no. [ laughter ] i would not say that. [ light laughter ] no one thinks details are your strong suit. [ light laughter ] and i'm not even talking about the little details i'm talking about things like why did the civil war happen or you know, which country did i just bomb? >> we've just launched 59 missiles heading to iraq. >> headed to syria? >> yes, heading towards syria. [ laughter ] >> seth: yes, yes, syria, but
you know, iraq, spoiler alert. [ laughter and applause ] now -- now, you might think -- you might think a president as unqualified as trump would show some humility, instead, he spent the last few days as usual, attacking the media. today, he abruptly ended an interview with cbs's john dickerson after once again, making his baseless claim that then president obama had him surveilled but refusing to provide any evidence. all dickerson did was try to get trump to explain what his own words meant, but trump was not having it. >> you saw what happened with surveillance and i think that was inappropriate. >> what's that mean, sir? >> you can figure that out yourself. >> well, i -- the reason i ask is you called him sick and bad? >> look, you can figure it out yourself. >> but you stand by that claim about how -- >> i don't stand by anything i just -- you can take it the way you want. [ light laughter ] >> but i'm asking you. because you don't want it to be fake news. i want to hear it from president trump. >> you don't have to ask me. you don't have to ask me. >> why not?
>> because i have my own opinions, you can have your own opinions. >> but i want to know your opinions, you're the president of the united states. >> that's enough, thank you. [ light laughter ] thank you very much. >> seth: you know, dramatic exits are definitely less dramatic when you stay in the same room and just sit down. [ laughter ] you can't fire me, i quit. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] maybe trump is just frustrated by the fact that despite his many promises he has very little to show for his first 100 days. in fact, his only real accomplishment seems to be turning the oval office into something of a man cave. a reporter for the financial times relayed this anecdote from a recent interview with trump. sitting across from donald trump in the oval office, my eyes are drawn to a little red button on a box that sits on his desk this isn't a nuclear button, is it, i joke, pointing. no, no. everyone thinks it is, trump says on cue. before leaning over and pressing it to order some cokes. everyone does get a little nervous when i press that button. [ light laughter ]
no, no, no, that's not the nuclear button. the nuclear button is right next to it. it's also small and red, but i remember which one it is because it's on the right, and i have the right to use nuclear weapons. of course, i also have the right to have a coke in the middle of the day because i'm the president and i don't have to worry about it the sugar because i have the best dentist. [ light laughter ] i mean, this guy, he's amazing and he's right about everything, which is why i keep a right button to the right of my coke button that calls my dentist. do you want me to call him right now? [ explosions ] [ laughter ] [ applause ] so trump doesn't seem to have much knowledge of or interest in things like governing or american history. but there's one think trump's very interested in, and that's his own electoral victory. because when trump called reporters into the oval office to discuss the accomplishments of his first 100 days, the only actual actual accomplishment he had to offer was the act of becoming president. and accomplishment he bragged about in the middle of a conversation about chinese president, xi jinping. >> we were talking as i mentioned earlier about president xi and
that relationship, and then he sort of interrupted himself and handed out this map of the electoral college and said that these were the latest figures of the areas in the country that he had won in 2016. and there were three of us in the interview as i said, and he had a copy for each of us. i think he just wanted to relish in the fact that this map looks good for him. and he said, you know, the red is obviously us. and the red are the areas in the country that he won. >> seth: and in fact i even colored in the map myself. [ laughter ] and if you noticed, i stayed within the lines which everyone says is the hardest part. [ light laughter ] and i did it all in under a hundred days. now, as troubling as that that is, trump has also spent a lot of time lately praising authoritarian rulers with terrible human rights records. for example, he recently released a statement congratulating turkey's president for referendum that gave him expansive new powers
and in interviews over the weekend trump praised north korea's kim jong-un multiple times, calling him a pretty smart cookie and saying, "if it would be appropriate for me to meet with him, i would absolutely. i would be honored to do it." you'd be honored? he's very misunderstood. you'd like him, we should call him. i think it's this button. [ explosions ] [ applause ] and kim jong-un wasn't the only -- wasn't the only authoritarian trump praised this week. and on saturday he spoke with president rodrigo duterte of the philippines. duterte's been accused of running death squads and has bragged that he has personally murdered people. like when he said, quote, "i will pick you up in a helicopter to manila and i throw you out on the way. i've done it before. why would i not do it again?" it's stories like that that earned duterte the nickname, united airlines. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] now, duterte has since claimed he was joking. nonetheless despite his dismal human rights record, the white house issued a statement saying, trump and duterte had a very
friendly conversation and the president trump invited president duterte to the white house. so if you're a journalist covering the white house when duterte visits and hear donald trump say this -- >> let's give them a helicopter ride, okay? [ light laughter ] >> seth: run! [ laughter and applause ] so to recap a president who's in over his head is fighting with the media, remising about his election night victory, inviting authoritarian rulers to the white house and also, maybe doesn't know why the civil war happened. donald, do you still stand by your claim that the presidency would be easy. >> i don't stand by anything. [ light laughter ] >> seth: this has been "a closer look." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with more "late night," everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ (engine revving) (screams) man: woo hoo! join in on the fun and cash in on the deals at the chevy 4th of july sales event.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody. please, give it up for the 8g band. [ cheers and applause ] also sitting in with us this week, he's an innovative drummer from the brooklyn-based band paris_monster. their latest single "ain't no movin' me" can be found on itunes and bandcamp.com. josh dion is here. thank you so much for being here. [ cheers and applause ] really thrilled to have you. so here at "late night," every night, i deliver a monologue. that monologue is comprised of jokes written by a diverse team of writers. as a result, a lot of jokes come
across my desk that due to me being a straight, white male would be difficult for me to deliver. but we don't think that should stop from you enjoying them. so we'd like to share them with you now in a segment we call "jokes seth can't tell." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: these are two of our writers. amber, jenny. >> i'm black. >> and i'm gay. >> and we're both women. >> seth: and i'm not. so here's how this works, i'll read the set ups for these jokes and amber and jenny will read the punch lines. here it goes. a washington, d.c., lesbian bar closed this month after 45 years in operation. >> a lesbian bar is like a regular bar but with a longer line for darts. [ laughter ] >> seth: okay, okay. cool, cool. the library of congress recently acquired a rare photo of young harriet tubman. >> it looks like exactly like a photo of old harriet tubman because black don't crack. [ laughter and applause ]
>> seth: marvel comics recently revealed a new lesbian super hero who will fight evil aliens. >> as opposed to a regular lesbian who will fight anybody. [ laughter ] >> seth: jenny, i can't imagine you in a fight. you don't seem scary at all. [ laughter ] >> seth: the cw network is currently developing a show about an african-american super hero. >> he shows up late to every crime and then gets arrested for it. [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: two gay penguins at a zoo in china have begun stealing eggs from other penguins in an attempt to become fathers. >> while two lesbian penguins are writing a folk song about it. [ laughter ] >> seth: a california elementary school was placed on lockdown recently after a black bear was spotted wandering around the parking lot. >> meanwhile, white bears walking around all over the place. [ laughter ] [ audience ohs ]
[ laughter ] >> seth: according to a recent article, 2% of americans are vegan. >> while 100% of lesbians are vajitraian. >> seth: jenny! [ laughter ] [ audience ohs ] >> i'm sorry. i should have said dicktose intolerant. [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: yeah, all right with that. i'm all right with that. according to a recent study, black americans get less sleep than white americans. >> because when you sleep, they get you. [ laughter ] >> seth: amber! >> just kidding. they get you what you're driving. [ laughter ] >> seth: okay, this next joke about latinas. jenny, you're latina, why don't you tell it? >> ehh -- four jokes a night is my limit, but i brought up a backup latina. hey, come on out! [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: america ferrera, everybody! [ cheers and applause ]
all right. you know how this works, america. here we go. according to a recent report, the city with the lowest number of hispanic residents is jackson, mississippi. >> and the city with the most hispanic residents and jackson, mississippi. [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: nice job, america. >> hey, seth, why don't you just try. >> seth: no, i don't want to. >> come on. just come on. >> seth: i feel like if i do i'll get in trouble. >> awe, come on. >> do it. >> do it! >> seth: okay, okay, okay. over 20,000 lesbians recently gathered in southern california for the world's largest all-female festival. it was called "cootchella." [ light laughter ] [ audience ohs ] >> how dare you! >> seth: you told me it would be okay! >> i am shocked! >> you should be ashamed of yourself! >> seth: black women and lesbians and latinas are liars! [ laughter ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with this one right here. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ >> seth: welcome back, everybody. my first guest is an emmy and golden globe award-winning actress you know from the film, "sisterhood of the travelling pants", and the hit series, "ugly betty." she's currently starring in nbc's "superstore." let's take a look. >> oh, that's just -- that's a grid for recalibrating. >> we're gonna die in a cloud nine surrounded by diarrhea medicine. >> well, you should keep talking so those aren't your last words. [ laughter ] >> seth: please welcome back to the show the lovely, the talented america ferrera, everybody. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪
>> seth: how are you? >> i'm great, how are you? >> seth: good, you look wonderful as always. >> so do you. >> seth: and congratulations on the show. it's a wonderful show. it's a comedy, but you guys also deal with a lot of other real life issues, transgender issues, gun control issues. is it -- do you enjoy working on a show that is both funny and also deals with societal issues like that? >> totally. i mean, i -- you know, i grew up on shows like "roseanne" and "cheers" and "all in the family" where, you know, comedies were always like about something. they were rooted in real life. and we have such a diverse cast. people from all different backgrounds racially, but also experiencially. and that lets us have conversaions about jokes that a cast of five white people can't tell. >> seth: yeah. >> just like your little bit. [ light laughter ] >> seth: i'm very familiar, yeah. [ light laughter ] i feel like there were shows that used to deal with societal
issues but because they had an all white cast, it would always have to have a guest star would show up. like if we want to talk about this, we'd have to have, you know, the person outside our demographic would have to show up for an episode. we'd deal with that. but then we'd sort of send them on their way. [ light laughter ] like well, we took care of racism, goodbye. [ light laughter ] >> that's so sad. >> seth: yeah. >> that's very sad. >> seth: i want to talk about this. the last time you were here, which i thought was very fun. you guys had gone -- like taken a cast trip to vegas, which was exciting. >> yes. >> seth: you guys rocked it out. but i'm very sad to hear just year later, you guys are no longer fun. >> we don't like each other anymore. no, we're aging in dog years. we're like now we get together for pajama parties, it's like not vegas anymore. we got together for the oscars and all wore our pajamas cause that's how lazy we are now. >> seth: all right, well that's okay though. you know, you mature. and you guys all have jobs so that's okay to, yeah. >> yes, yes. >> seth: do people then bring their pajamas and change at whoever's house it was? >> no, you showed up in the pajamas. >> seth: really? >> yeah, yeah. >> seth: so i guess in l.a. it's just totally normal to walk to your car in pajamas and drive somewhere? [ light laughter ] >> in l.a., yeah.
you can do whatever. >> seth: it's harder in new york i guess, 'cause you'd have to be in the pajamas on the subway and stuff. [ light laughter ] >> yeah, but in new york, like no one would think twice in new york, right. >> seth: no one would think twice, that's right. that's the difference. in l.a. fewer people see you, and here, everyone sees you and nobody cares. [ light laughter ] >> in l.a., nobody, unless you're like rihanna, no one cares who you are. >> seth: yeah, so you could wear pajamas. you could wear just the pajama top, you would be fine. [ light laughter ] so, you directed an episode. >> i did. >> seth: and you directed an episode that was about your character actually went and confronted an internet troll. >> yes. >> seth: and the internet troll had a house full of rabbits. >> yes. >> seth: and you tweeted that that was very challenging for you to be around rabbits. >> i did not know until -- >> seth: here you are with a bunch of -- and is that neil casey? >> yes, that's neil casey. >> seth: fantastic actor, funny guy. >> i did not know until this very scene that i was terrified of rabbits. >> seth: really? [ laughter ] >> yeah, i had no idea. i thought, "oh, 25 rabbits in a room, ha ha, they're going to hump like rabbits, like that
will be so funny." turns out instead of humping they tried to kill each other. >> seth: oh really? >> like they go at it and there's no like -- you can't train a rabbit, like or if they weren't well-trained rabbits. [ laughter ] and i didn't realize until i stepped into the room, i don't want to be in this room with 25 rabbits. >> seth: so you hadn't, it just turns out at this point in your life you had not crossed paths with rabbits? >> i'd never been in a room with 25 rabbits to this point. >> seth: i guess i haven't either, i shouldn't judge you, like, "how have you not been in a room wiith 25 rabbits"? [ light laughter ] >> so it was definitely the most challenging day. just trying to get -- >> seth: now you're acting and you're directing and you have 25 rabbits. were you having to yell "cut" during scenes because the rabbits were scaring you? >> i would mostly just like, when i yelled, they knew to reset the cameras. >> seth: when you like, as a director, i know you have to then go in and look at the footage and edit. were you surprised at how scared you were when you actually watched the footage? >> yeah. i was terrified. i ruined like every take.
[ light laughter ] and they said, america, you missed the point of this scene. the point of the scene is not that amy's afraid of the rabbits. [ light laughter ] and that's like what the whole scene became. >> seth: so ultimately the social you guys attach for this episode is being afraid of rabbits. >> yes, yes. >> seth: for people who have a lapine fear. [ light laughter ] >> it's real but then people -- when i said that i was afraid of the rabbits, people online got very mad at me, that i was afaid of the rabbits. >> seth: so it came full circle because the episode is about internet trolls. [ laughter ] >> there you go, yes. >> seth: well done. very well done. i like that. [ applause ] activism has always been a big part of your life. you were at the women's march. the women's march at the day of the inauguration. [ cheers and applause ] day before? >> day after. >> seth: day after? >> day after. >> seth: you were in d.c. you spoke to a crowd of over a million people, right. >> yeah. >> seth: and you're not donald trumping us. they were actually there, right? you're not like donald trumping and being like, "there were so many people there." they were actually there. [ light laughter ] >> they were. it was huge. it was the biggest crowd, seth, let me tell you. there were like 1.2 million
people there. and i had never been in a crowd of 1.2 million people. >> seth: what a year for you. 1.2 million people, 25 rabbits. [ light laughter ] >> like i'm just -- bigger and bigger crowds. >> seth: yeah. >> and i didn't know what to expect, i don't think anybody did. it was the day after the inauguration and a lot of people were feeling a lot of things and i didn't know what to expect. but, you know, there were times where it felt very -- you felt the gravitas and you felt the reason why we were there. and then there were times where it felt like this amazing hopeful party. as i'm sure everyone who went out and marched with hundreds and thousands of people felt. it felt good to know that people were in it together, and it was just infectious. it was an amazing day. >> seth: you know, obviously i think a lot of people were worried because of the proximity to the inauguration crowd, which obviously was a very different crowd. and yet it seemed incredible peaceful and wonderful. >> i don't think there was a single arrest or a single altercation in all of d.c. i don't know that for a fact.
so another way that i'm like donald trump. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] no. >> i might have just made that up. [ applause ] >> seth: you said i think. >> i said i think. >> seth: he would have said, "there were no arrests. it was amazing. it was the fewest arrests ever" >> i have to build my confidence up. >> seth: yeah there you go. you'll get there. if's early. it's early still. only 100 days. [ laughter ] anyway, i want to ask about the harness project. tell us about that. >> yes. so harness is an organization i started with my husband and our friend, wilber valderrama. and it was about convening people with front line activists to hear what the authentic stories about was happening in our most vulnerable communities. and so, i think right now is a time where we all fell this unprecedented energy, people want to take action, people want to take part. but it's so overwhelming that you don't know where to begin, right? and so where our entry point is just having conversations with the people on the front lines of
these communities, telling us what is the most effective way to engage. and so we started in a living room with 75 people and our next meeting was 400 people with these incredible organizations like black lives matter and cair and native american reps from standing rock. so we are trying to continue those conversations and push it out as far and wide through digit content. so people can go to harness.space to sign up and be a part of the conversation. >> seth: that's wonderful that you're doing that because i think there's this tendency. it's very easy to sort of watch these rallies, see them on television, and think, "oh look at this, this is the resistance. this is progress." and not actually take any steps to be helpful. >> absolutely. and you know, i think it starts with education. we have to be willing to admit what we don't know about one another and what we don't yet know about issues. and if you really want to make an impact in a meaningful way, then we have to stop and take the time to listen to one another. and it's like showing up, you know, with pencils when what somebody needs is a hammer, you know. so it's like, tell me what you need so i can show up with the
right goods. >> seth: feel terrible about bringing you to pencils. [ laughter ] >> i really needed a hammer, seth. >> seth: it's always such a delight to see you. thank you so much for being here. [ cheers and applause ] america ferrera everybody, the season finale of "superstore" will air on thursday at 8:30 pm here on nbc. we'll be right back, with ike barinholtz, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ liz assumed she could trust her dating site.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody. our next guest is a very funny actor you know from "the mindy project" and the films "neighbors" and "sisters." you can also see him alongside amy schumer and goldie hawn in the upcoming comedy "snatch" which opens in theaters may 12th. let's take a look. >> this is morgan russell. >> yes! morgan russell, i'm the one that's been calling about the middleton ladies and their situation down in south america. let's go get them. what's the plan? >> right, so i told her to contact me once she gets to bogata. >> mm-hmm. >> there's not much more i can do unfortunately, sir. >> okay, i imagine that you have some kind of commando squad, maybe like four underground criminals who were tried for a crime they didn't commit -- >> mm-hmm. >> --and they've been living in the underground kind of helping people along the way almost --. >> sir, were you born in the 70's? >> yeah. >> that sounds like the a-team to me. >> it is a-team. do you have an a-team? >> seth: please welcome back to the show our very good friend, ike barinholtz, everybody.
[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: hi, buddy. >> hi! my man. >> seth: oh, it's so good to see you. >> how are you? >> seth: are you well? everything well? >> yeah, i miss you. >> seth: i miss you, too. >> hi, guys. [ cheers and applause ] how are you? thank you. thank you! >> seth: i miss you, too. you're out in l.a., i'm in new york. we don't see each other as much as we used to. >> we're bicoastal friends. >> seth: we're bicoastal friends. >> we text a lot. >> seth: we text a lot. >> e-mail sometimes. >> seth: every now and we'll get an e-mail. >> but we keep in contact. >> seth: we keep in con -- you were just in atlanta. how's atlanta? you're shooting a movie there. how was that? >> i think it's called hot-lanta, seth. [ light laughter ] good night, everybody, thank you. [ light laughter ] we're down there was our friend dave sasson. >> seth: yep, a fantastic writer and dear friend. >> but i'm doing a movie there with leslie mann and john cena. i get mistaken for john cena a lot. >> seth: do you? [ light laughter ]
>> i would like to. >> seth: yeah. >> i would like to be. he's very muscular. >> seth: yeah. >> yeah. >> seth: he's also very kind. >> yes, and i'm weak and neat. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> so, you can see why i'm trying to get there. >> seth: but atlanta's been good? >> it's good. it's good. we were there the other day and it was fun. we had a special visitor come. shut down the airport for a few hours. i'll give you a hint. he's orange. >> seth: okay. [ laughter ] >> and he talks like this. your trump is good. i like your trump. it's good. you -- do the kind of thing -- >> seth: it's a laz -- i do a very lazy trump >> yeah. i would -- i don't know what you're talking about. >> seth: i try to put as much into my impression as he puts into the presidency. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] [ laughter ] >> seth: you don't -- you hating on me. >> i'm sorry, that's a plug for a different show. oh, my god. >> seth: so he came down to atlanta -- >> he came down to atlanta, and he shut down the airport for a little while. and you know, it bugged me. and i was a big supporter of his until that moment. [ laughter ] >> seth: right. >> and now i'm off the trump
train. >> seth: so you play schumer's brother. goldie hawn is your mom in this. >> yes, yes. >> seth: your pronunciation of mama -- >> yes -- >> seth: in the film. >> in the film, i'm playing like a -- he's a big baby. >> seth: yeah. >> he's agoraphobic. he doesn't want to leave his house. so i kind of just started naturally saying to goldie, i was like, "mama, mama, mama can i have some more toast, please?" and then i watched the movie with my wife and she's like, "that's what our daughter calls me." that's how she literally -- my daughter days mama. like she's in "madeline." >> seth: yeah. >> like, mama. [ light laughter ] and my wife says, "you just stole that from our daughter." she asked if i was going to cut her in on a piece of the movie. and i'm not going to. >> seth: i love it. [ light laughter ] >> you know what i'm going to do? i'm going to take the money i get from the movie and i'm going to buy you food and shelter and education. [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: roof. you might throw a roof in there.? >> roof. i'll throw a roof in there, yes. i pay for me child's food. >> seth: so this -- and goldie hawn, have you ever crossed paths with her before? >> i haven't, i haven't.
she's like true hollywood royalty. >> seth: absolute legend. >> her stories -- they're so good that there's no like -- like, i can't keep up. like, she'll be like, you know, i remember me and walter matthau and gerald ford were in a limousine in '74. and i'm like, "well, one time, me and hayes macarthur were with josh meyers and we got lost." [ laughter ] so it's hard to compete with the goldie. >> seth: this film is sort of about a travel disaster. >> yes. >> seth: you have -- i've known for about 15 years. >> yes. >> seth: you've had -- i feel like when you get into a taxi, things going wrong. when you get on a subway things go -- >> it's always a disaster. >> seth: you've had so many transit disasters. >> i have. >> seth: you had -- you have one of the worst flight stories. >> i did. i did. well, we went to amsterdam. >> seth: yeah, we lived together in amsterdam. >> yes. [ light laughter ] [ cheers ] that's right. and i had to fly back home to chicago and i could only fly on, i think it was air kuwait. >> seth: okay. >> and i want to mention them
because i do get money from them every time. >> seth: okay. [ laughter ] >> but i was flying air kuwait and i got on the plane. the minute i got on the plane, the flight had originated somewhere else, and it smelled like feces. >> seth: yeah, okay. [ laughter ] and there was an older man on the plane, you know, and he lost control. >> seth: okay. >> had a problem. and they didn't take him off the plane. and they just put, like, a plastic bag over the seat, you know. >> seth: oh! >> which seems bad so i'm sitting next to the only other american. it was this woman sitting next to me, and she was like, "oh, this airline is the worst." [ light laughter ] and i was like, "yeah, this is awful." and she's like, "the last time i was on this airline, the guy next to me died over the ocean." [ laughter ] i was like, "wait, what? what happens when a man dies?" she's like, "nothing. they just put a blanket over him." [ laughter ] i'm like, "you sat next to a corpse?" she's like, "yeah, for like eight hours." [ laughter ] that can't be. but air kuwait has some great specials if you go to airkuwait.com. [ laughter and applause ]
they're flying now domestic u.s. so -- >> seth: yeah, i got you. this, by the way, they're flying into each other -- [ light laughter ] and right now they're doing this. >> it's not good. >> seth: but you saw the united story and you were inspired. >> well, i decided i'm going to step up my game financially. >> seth: uh-huh. >> because i don't know if you know that guy settled for an undisclosed amount which -- >> seth: what do you think the undisclosed -- when we've had this discussion. >> 10 million dollars. >> seth: you think it's 10? >> here's what i think. i think tonight i'm flying tonight and i'm going to get my as thrown off that plane. >> seth: okay. [ laughter ] >> and daddy's getting paid. >> seth: yeah. >> yeah. >> if i were y'all, i would check twitter about 10:00 p.m. [ laughter ] and see video of me being, no, with my shirt being pulled off. >> seth: well i was going to say, i've known you 15 years and i've seen you with your shirt here like 130 times. [ laughter ] >> but this time, this time i'm getting paid for it. i'm going to buy my own plane. yeah. >> seth: i don't know we told this. we shouldn't say who it is. >> okay. >> seth: and we're not going to
say who it is because you saw a celebrity get dragged off a plane once because -- >> right, i don't want to say. >> seth: don't say who it was. >> i won't say who it was. >> seth: but just say that you knew their face. >> i knew their face. he was a very famous rapper. >> seth: okay. >> from the '80s. that's all i'm going to say. >> seth: you've given away more than i did. >> two hints, two hints. [ laughter ] >> seth: stop! >> and i was like, i heard he was having a medical problem and they were dragging him off. and i was like, "oh, he's going to come right past my aisle." and i was like, "don't look, don't look, don't look." and, like, the minute i turned and looked was the minute he went, "rahr!" [ laughter and applause ] and that's how i met ice-t. [ laughter ] it was not -- it was not ice-t. >> seth: way more than two hints. >> oh yeah. but it was bad. it was bad for everyone. >> seth: but that person is fine. >> he's fine now. he's great. >> seth: i want to ask, "the mindy project," you're coming up -- this is the last season, right? [ cheers ] >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] yes. do you remember -- do you remember when my character in
"the mindy project" was a guest on your show? >> seth: yeah. and my dog was a guest on "the mindy project." >> my character was guest on your show and frisbee the dog was guest on "the mindy project." >> seth: and so you worked with frisbee. and how do you -- >> i think frisbee is a little uppity bitch. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> she bit me. >> seth: she bit you every take. >> every take she like -- and i was like -- and i was kind of like, "ah, i've known frisbee for --" >> seth: and it was not helpful for the story how much frisbee hated you. >> frisbee was -- if she would have read her lines. [ light laughter ] she would have known that we were supposed to be friends and not mortal enemies. >> seth: i think we carved out about two hours to shoot in about 15 minutes you basically said, i think we're good. i think we're good." >> i think we got it. we got it. >> seth: yeah. >> otherwise, if i get bit one more time i'm going to have to get a shot. >> seth: yeah. >> but she was really great. >> seth: and 100 is -- how many episodes are you going to end up with? >> we're going to end up like 120 and it's funny. we're doing the table read for the 100th episode, right, and i turn to mindy and i'm like, "god, can you believe you were on two different shows that went
at least 100 episodes?" she was like, "wow." because she was on "the office." >> seth: right, over 100. >> and then i thought about it. and i was like, "oh, wait, so was i." because i was on mad tv and then i was on "the mindy project." and then we made a list for every actor that had been on multiple 100 -- it's like 500 people. [ light laughter ] >> seth: oh, so it wasn't -- >> the point is we're not special. [ light laughter ] we're not good or interesting. we're bad, basic -- we're basic bitches, mindy and i. [ laughter ] >> seth: i really hope -- i'm going knock on wood because there's a chance -- we're both in the writer's guild. there's a chance there will be a writers strike that would start tonight. that would mean this would be the last show before the strike. we're confident -- we're hoping -- >> i would be excited to be the last show. >> seth: yeah. >> because it would the most resonant. but um -- i'm hoping there's not a strike. and if there is a strike, i will do commercials for anything. >> seth: okay. [ light laughter ] >> poison. [ laughter ] >> seth: okay. >> i'm the face of poison. [ laughter ] >> seth: this is different than the way you felt 10 years ago during the last one. >> yeah, the last one i was like, "oh, we're in it to win it."
but this one now, i'm like i got two kids. all right, you got a company that makes, i don't know, machine guns for toddlers? i can sell those. [ laughter ] i have the perfect face for that. [ laughter ] hi, i'm ike barinholtz for little machine gun. [ light laughter ] this one has extra ammo holders. that would be --- i don't write the copy stuff. >> seth: right, okay. [ light laughter ] i wasn't criticizing you for the copy. >> look, get a slight look. [ laughter ] >> seth: all right. well, hopefully that doesn't happen. >> yes. >> seth: always great to see you. congrats on the film. >> thank you. >> seth: congrats on everything else. >> go see it. it's a fun movie. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: ike barinholtz, everybody. "snatch" in theaters may 12th. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [laughing] ♪ ♪ ♪everything is better now. ♪ooooooooo
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