Skip to main content

tv   Late Night With Seth Meyers  NBC  April 24, 2019 12:37am-1:38am PDT

12:37 am
[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- timothy olyphant, fashion icon, diane von furstenberg, featuring the 8g band with fred armisen. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that is fantastic to hear. in that case, let's get to the news. attorney general william barr testified before the house appropriations committee for the first time since he released his four-page summary of the
12:38 am
muller report. and even he was redacted. [ laughter ] according to a new poll, former vice president joe biden is the favorite -- the favored presidential candidate among democratic primary voters. that's right. he's the hands-down favorite. no, joe, hands down! [ laughter ] put 'em down, joe! [ cheers and applause ] hands down. california congressman eric swalwell announced last night he's running for president. so just to recap, here's everyone who's running so far. [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: they all got a shot. it was announced yesterday that oprah has donated $2 million to puerto rico to help with long-term hurricane relief efforts. "that's from both of us," said steadman. [ laughter and applause ] according to new report, earth's glaciers have lost 9 trillion metric tons of ice between
12:39 am
1961 and 2016. said other glaciers, "oh, my god. you look amazing." [ laughter and applause ] a semi-truck overturned in new mexico today and spilled hundreds of candles onto the highway. it caused several traffic jams and one elimination ceremony. [ laughter ] a dog in new mexico last week tested positive for meth and mdma after its owner took the pet for a walk in a nearby park. the owner first became suspicious when the dog fetched a glow stick. [ laughter ] that's right, a dog tested positive methamphetamine after a walk in a nearby park. when asked what breed it was, the owner said, "a meth lab." [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight. [ cheers and applause ] he's starring in the new season of "santa clarita diet" on netflix, as well as the upcoming animated film, "missing link." timothy olyphant is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ]
12:40 am
so happy he's back. her annual award show, the dvf awards, honors extraordinary women committed to women's causes. diane von furstenberg is back, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] love her. so happy she's here. so i was scrolling through reddit earlier today, and i saw this really interesting post about migrating tree frogs and then -- [ sniffs ] wait, i'm sorry, i could be wrong here but i think i smell smoke. and that could mean only one thing. it's time for "ya burnt." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: welcome to burn zone, everybody. we got a lot of topics to sizzle through, but not a lot of time. over here is the burner. let's turn on the gas and load her up. woo-hoo! feed me, seymour. [ light laughter ] first up, massages. hey, massages, if i wanted to lie face down and listen to enya, i'd just get clinical depression. [ laughter ] and if i wanted a stranger to rub my shoulders, i'd sit in front of joe biden on amtrak.
12:41 am
side burn, joe. >> side burn. >> seth: and, hey, masseuses, want to know why my shoulders are so tense? oh, i don't know. maybe because a stranger told me strip naked and is now prodding me while i pretend i'm not holding in 100 farts. [ laughter ] also, massage therapists, if you're going to insist on calling yourself a therapist, i'm going to insist on telling you about my dad and crying. [ laughter ] massages, better take those hot stones off, because ya burnt. gmail auto reply suggestions, could you be any more off? i got an email from the new york blood drive saying they need donations now more than ever. and you suggested i reply, "ha-ha, neat." [ laughter ] if you're going to give me suggestions, at least make them useful. like when someone sends a work email at 3:00 a.m., you could suggest "f off, darren." [ laughter ] gmail auto reply suggestions, here's a suggestion for you. ya burnt. hey, natural peanut butter. do you like fun snacks? well, just pop open a jar of this dried out nuts cement
12:42 am
topped with three inches of oil. [ laughter ] stick a spoon in it and get to mixing. [ laughter ] and natural peanut butter, why do i have stir you myself? you're already twice as expensive as regular peanut butter. [ laughter ] not to mention, i have to pay to replace the three spoons i bent in half in the process. [ laughter ] and the whole thing made my shoulder tighten up so bad, i had to back to that masseuse i don't like. [ laughter and applause ] >> and now he's naked? >> seth: natural peanut butter, don't be jelly, but you ain't my jam. so now, ya burnt. engagement rings, who is the genius who came up with investing your nest egg into something that fits in a sink drain? [ laughter ] and this thing is supposed to cost three months of my salary. every kiss begins with "k." but every engagement begins with some guy's bank account getting f'ed in the b. [ laughter ] oh, he went to jared? i'll tell you where jared can go. straight to hell. [ laughter ] hey, engagement rings, here's a finger for you. ya burnt. marie kondo, oh, you want me to get rid of anything that doesn't
12:43 am
spark joy? well, in that case, get the hell out of my house. [ laughter ] stop trying to get me to throw out my old t-shirts. i like my old t-shirts. sure, al gore and joe lieberman aren't running for president now. [ laughter ] but who knows what tomorrow will bring? >> gore, lieberman 2020. feel the un-excitement. [ laughter ] >> seth: hey, marie kondo, go spark yourself. ya burnt. ah, swans. look at you, struttin' around, thinking you're so much better than geese. [ light laughter ] your just hot ducks with [ bleep ] attitudes. [ laughter ] also, you're still a goddamn bird. you have a weird beak, webbed-feet, and no arms, you freak. [ laughter ] also, swans, stop giving ugly kids hope that they might grow up to be hot. aside from jerry o'connell, that rarely happens. swans, go jump in a lake. ya burnt. dads in tv commercials, you can't do anything. you can't get an erection. you can't get a spot out of carpet. [ light laughter ] why did she marry you? [ laughter ] also if you and the boys really love watching sports so much, why are you all wearing generic
12:44 am
gear? well, nothing better than grabbing a bag of name-brand chips and rooting for my favorite team, the blue team. [ laughter ] dads in commercials, ya burnt. fred from "scooby-doo," you dumb, handsome bastard. [ laughter ] way to show up after velma already solved every mystery and mansplain what everyone already knows. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] oh, what? oh, thank you, fred. also, can we talk about the neckerchief? [ light laughter ] you're not an italian chef, you're just a meatball. [ laughter ] you should pull it tighter until you can't breathe anymore and you die, bitch. [ laughter ] >> woah, geeze, seth. >> seth: yeah. >> pull it back, man. >> seth: no, no, you're right. you're right. i took it way too far. hey, fred from "scooby-doo." ra rurnt. [ laughter ] up next, young love. [ buzzer ] oh. that buzzer means we've run out of time. looks like we'll have to burn you innocent doe-eyed virgins the next time out. this has been "ya burnt." [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with timothy olyphant. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
12:45 am
no matter what life throws down roomba is up for the challenge. only roomba uses 2 multi-surface rubber brushes that powerfully clean up debris on all your floors. and only the (new) roomba i7+ empties its own bin into a disposable bag. so you can forget about vacuuming for weeks. if it's not from irobot, it's not a roomba. i was tired of having my calls dropped. and then i'd heard that i could get apple music. "boom!" (vo) the best network is even better now that apple music is included with unlimited. plus get a free galaxy s10e when you buy one. only on verizon.
12:46 am
what! she's zip lining with little jon? it's lil jon. even he knows that. thanks, captain obvious. don't hate-like their trip, book yours with and get rewarded basically everywhere. be there. do that. get rewarded. but one blows them all out of the water. hydro boost from neutrogena®. with hyaluronic acid to plump skin cells so it bounces back. neutrogena®
12:47 am
so it bounces back. seventh generation gets the laundry detergent from plants, not petroleum. and this stuff beets stains. its kind of a big dill. lemon tell ya. it squashes sixty of your toughest stains. and leaves your clothes looking raddishing.
12:48 am
so lettuce make the right choice, and choose seventh generation's plant based detergent. was that too corny? seventh generation. powered by plants. tested on sixty of your toughest stains. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody. give it up for the 8g band right over there. [ cheers and applause ] also, so happy this week. fred armisen is back with us behind the drums.
12:49 am
[ cheers and applause ] and fred, we were talking back stage that you are a reader. you are a lover of fiction. accurate? >> accurate, yes. >> seth: and you were lamenting that you're so busy with your many projects that you sometimes don't have a chance to read fiction as much as you used to. >> i wish i had more time. >> seth: yeah. so you developed a technique, and tell me if this is true, if i'm getting this right, whereas you can look at the cover of a book and from the cover alone you can glean all the characters, the entire plot, every line of dialogue and get the full experience of reading the book. >> yes. i can glean that. [ laughter ] >> seth: wow. and the whole thing takes you how long? if i show you a cover, how quickly can you tell me everything? >> 15 seconds. >> seth: wow, all right. do you mind if we try it again? >> let's do it. >> seth: all right, everybody. it's time once again for a segment called "fred judges a book by it's cover." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: all right, ready? >> yeah. >> seth: here we go. >> oh, okay. so, this is -- this is one of those jon reznick thrillers.
12:50 am
>> seth: okay, yeah, yeah. >> seth: and -- [ laughter ] and it's a -- so jon reznick likes to write about a fictional writer named j.b. turner. [ light laughter ] so -- >> seth: wait. so, jon reznick is the author? >> he's the author but he presents it as a book by j.b. turner. so, it's a, sort of, book in a book. >> seth: okay. [ light laughter ] >> and it's about this guy whole is searching the world for the perfect vanilla cake. [ laughter ] and he just walks -- he just walks all over the place. and he's, like, looking for this cake. and, finally, now you think -- by the cover of this book, you think he found it. he has not found it. [ light laughter ] this is -- >> seth: you got to "and finally" so quickly, by the way. >> yes. yes. but -- the end is the beginning. [ light laughter ] so it's -- he comes upon this vanilla cake that is incredible. and it's in the shape of this, sort of, parthenon. >> seth: uh-huh. [ laughter ] >> and he walks towards it. he's like, "oh, i'm going to eat this thing." and he's like, "you know what? i am not. i think there's going to be one
12:51 am
better." so, he continues walking. but he walks backwards away from the cover of the book. [ laughter ] and then there are -- he walks backwards and then there are 20 blank pages. >> seth: you say, "away from the cover of the book." so -- >> yes. >> seth: within the book -- >> yes. >> seth: -- there's a cover of the book. >> it's very deep. very deep. >> seth: yeah. >> and, so, he walks backwards and then there are 20 empty pages, because j.b. turner has disappeared. [ laughter ] i can not give away the ending. i can not. it's so exciting. i'm going to leave it at that. >> seth: well, that's great. can i tell you what the publisher says this book is about? >> okay. >> seth: jon reznick is a black ops specialist dispatched to carry out a high level hit, but the target is not the man reznick expected. in an instant, the operation is compromised and reznick is on the run with the man he was sent to kill. >> no luck cake. [ laughter ] >> seth: oh, yeah, okay. so, it's very similar. give it up for fred armisen, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] our first guest tonight, i'm very --
12:52 am
>> seth! hey, seth. seth. >> seth: oh, hey. what's up, timothy? timothy, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] >> uh -- i was wondering if you could introduce me as record setting four time guest, timothy olyphant. i think the audience would get a big kick out of that. >> seth: yeah, yeah. the only thing is we've actually had a few guest who've been on more than four times. >> yeah, but, do people really know that? [ light laughter ] >> seth: i mean, i think so. >> yeah, you think, but you don't know. so, let's do it my way and then after the show you can check the twitter and see if anyone loses their [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] >> seth: okay. >> thanks, man. >> seth: our first guest tonight is an emmy nominated actor who you know from his work on "justified" and "deadwood." his film, "missing link," opens in theaters on april 12th.
12:53 am
you can catch him in the third season of "santa clarita diet," which is currently streaming on netflix. please welcome record setting four time guest, timothy olyphant. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: hi, welcome back. i mean, congratulations. record setting fourth visit. >> oh, come on, seth. you know i don't care about that stuff. [ laughter ] you know what i do care about? >> seth: what do you care about? >> these people. >> seth: oh, yeah, right. [ cheers and applause ] i care about that kick ass band over there. >> seth: yeah, all right. [ cheers and applause ] >> you know i care about you, fred. >> i do. >> we're both big j.b. turner fans. >> seth: wow, yeah, of course. you've read the -- >> and i care about you. >> seth: thank you. >> how are you? >> seth: i'm really well.
12:54 am
thank you. >> how's your family? >> seth: my family is good. i actually want to ask -- 'cause you were here right after my son who's 1 was born. >> cash. >> seth: well, no. it's ash. [ light laughter ] and you were critical of the names last time out. >> i remember being -- now that you mention it. but today i was excited, 'cause i guess i thought in my mind, memory is not a reliable narrator. in my mind i thought, "he called his kid cash. that's cool." but it's not cash. >> seth: it's ash. >> yeah. >> seth: okay. [ laughter ] >> uh -- how old is he? >> seth: he's three. >> not too late. [ laughter ] >> seth: well, he knows its ash. i feel it'd be like -- and you know, he's in -- >> it'll be a vague memory. >> seth: i don't know. [ laughter ] >> it'll be a vague memory. >> seth: you might probably forget, 'cause your kids are a little older. three -- when they're three they have all -- they ask questions about everything. if we all of a sudden just switched to cash, i think he would just constantly want to know why that happened. >> he might. >> seth: yeah. >> okay. >> seth: what about axel? >> and then -- axis. >> seth: axel. >> axel. >> seth: yeah. >> that's right. big gnr fan >> seth: no. [ laughter ] >> huh? >> seth: that is not why. >> how is axel?
12:55 am
everything is coming up roses for axel. >> seth: that is not -- we did not name him after axel rose. >> now, i remember, i saw him. i say, "what's up, axel? welcome to jungle." [ laughter ] i saw it. >> seth: how did he react to that as a 1-year-old? >> he's more of a mr. brown stone fan. [ laughter ] he's more of a -- >> yeah. >> he likes that acoustic -- the acoustic stuff. >> seth: do you -- you're coming around though? are you coming around to ash and axel's names? >> not yet. >> seth: okay. [ light laughter ] >> but -- >> seth: we'll check back next time. >> yeah. >> seth: yeah. >> give me a couple of minutes. >> seth: all right. oh, yeah. so it might happen within the body of the interview. >> i'm sure they're going to be great. i'm sure they're going to be awesome. >> seth: they're already great. i don't -- [ laughter ] >> oh, yeah. they're great now? >> seth: yeah. they're great kids. >> well, it's new. it's just 'cause it's new. you don't know. >> seth: i've lived with them -- >> i've got teenagers. >> seth: yeah. >> so you -- >> seth: have you -- have there been instances where they been out? >> disappointed. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> yeah. >> seth: but you -- now your -- they're fully great company now, i would imagine. you're teenagers. >> you know what, yeah. i'm teaching -- well, yeah. i'm teaching my son how to make
12:56 am
cocktails. so, that's fun. >> seth: oh, wow. that's great. >> yeah. you got that to look forward to. >> seth: and when you finish them, who drinks them? >> he drinks half of them. [ light laughter ] and i drink all them. >> seth: i would -- >> drink some -- but we're -- yeah. because he's -- my kids are older. he's going to college. >> seth: oh, yeah. so, that's good. >> yeah, yeah. >> seth: i feel like that -- you'd want to -- he's going to have cocktails when he gets there, so you might as well. >> yeah, it's tricky nowadays. you don't know what's -- what to tell him or not to tell him. they're teenagers. >> seth: one thing that's good, you'll get to -- >> california -- >> seth: yeah. >> weed is legal. >> seth: yeah. >> and in new york, it's not legal. kind of took me by surprise. like, when i got -- [ light laughter ] usually in new york everything is ahead. >> seth: yeah. >> you know what i mean? for years, new york, you'd say, "oh, there's a time difference. a little after midnight 2019. and in california it's like 1997." >> seth: right. [ laughter ] >> but now, california is ahead of the curve on the weed thing. >> seth: yeah. are you taking advantage of your new legal status? >> so, yeah. [ laughter ] it's awesome.
12:57 am
>> seth: yeah? >> yeah, my wife -- we are not weed people. >> seth: okay. >> by the way, i want to say, nor do i think of us as irresponsible people. but its -- my wife came home the other day and just announced that she went in -- they have these stores in california now. medmen. >> seth: medmen? okay. >> it's like an apple store for -- for weed. >> seth: got it. [ laughter ] it's like very helpful staff and -- >> you just walk in. she's like, "so, we're having dinner." the children are there. please don't think any less of us. [ laughter ] they've turned out -- really, i think they're going to be -- they're good kids. >> seth: yeah. and look, you're just following the laws that the state of california has laid out. >> exactly. >> seth: yeah. >> so, exactly. so, my wife just comes home -- we're having dinner. family dinner. and she's like, "i went to medmen today." and i was like, "what?" and she's like, "yeah, i just walked in there. and i got some stuff." and i'm like -- i said, "what did you even --" she said, "i went in." and they said, "what would you like?"
12:58 am
and she said, "i would like a glass of wine without the calories." >> seth: wow. >> and they gave her a bag and said, "there you go." >> seth: so, edibles. >> edibles. >> seth: they gave her a bag of edibles. >> yeah. >> seth: and have you -- have you done it yet? >> i did. i had to do some press the other day. [ laughter ] i was like -- you know, it was like hollywood foreign press. >> seth: oh, yeah. >> have you met those people? >> seth: the golden globes people. i have met those people. >> don't get me wrong. i'd love to be nominated. [ laughter ] but those people are bat [ bleep ]. >> seth: they are an interesting lot. >> yeah, no. i was on my -- >> seth: because it's a little bit like noah's arc for press, 'cause it's one person from every country. >> i just -- i -- yeah. >> seth: yeah. >> i have no idea what's going on there. but you got -- but i went to go speak to them. my wife said, "why are you going to go talk to them?" and i said, "what? i'd like to be invited to the golden globes." and she said, "would you?" and i said, "let me rephrase. i'd like to complain about being
12:59 am
invited to the golden globes." [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah, there you go. >> you know? >> seth: right, 'cause -- >> i'm an actor. >> seth: as soon as you have to go to those things, it's a nightmare. >> yeah, it's what you do. you complain about, i got to go to the golden globes. >> seth: right. >> been nominated again. [ light laughter ] by the way, i don't understand the story. i've never been nominated. but, in this version, i've already been nominated once. >> seth: yeah, yeah. >> so, i said, "i got to go do press from like 10:00 a.m. to like 4:00 p.m." and i was like, "i don't want to drink all day but i still, you know, i got to get through it." >> seth: yeah. [ light laughter ] i said, "tell me about these edibles again." and she said -- i said, "have you tried one?" she said, "yeah." i said, "anything?" she's like, "i didn't notice anything. i didn't notice, you know? you might want to take two." and i said nothing. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] yeah. but then i said, "really? nothing? like, nothing?" well, she goes, "well, i did call to book a message. and they told me i called ten minutes earlier and already booked a message." [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> yeah. >> seth: so that -- that's something. that counts as something. >> so, i just stayed with one. >> seth: yeah, okay. >> yeah.
1:00 am
>> seth: and did it help your day of press? >> the interviews haven't come out yet. >> seth: yeah. >> but i feel they went great. [ laughter ] >> seth: you -- i do want to say that this -- you're here right now. this actually classifies as press right now. >> oh, yeah. >> seth: did you? >> no. >> seth: okay. >> no, no. 'not -- >> seth: thank you. thank you. >> no, no. so much respect. >> seth: thank you. oh, my god. thank you so much. >> no, i wouldn't come on high. >> seth: blessed. i'm so blessed. >> i've been drinking. >> seth: you've been drinking. [ laughter ] did you -- is it true that -- >> i look forward to coming here. you know that. >> seth: i look forward to having you here. >> i mean, i know the whole thing is -- i mean, do you get -- i get nervous on -- >> seth: do you really? still? >> yeah. if i don't seem nervous, it's because i'm pretending. [ laughter ] but i do get -- yeah. oh, my god. they're frightening. >> seth: i mean, i would -- the first time, when i was -- i will say this, and i'm not just saying it. i do think it's more stressful being a guest on these shows than being the host. once you've been a host -- >> that's been my experience. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> yeah. like the one time -- >> seth: yeah. >> -- i hosted -- [ laughter ] hold on a second. >> seth: is it kicking in?
1:01 am
is your edible kicking in? [ laughter and applause ] >> i convince myself before i come out that i am the host. >> seth: oh, got you. >> i find that helpful. >> seth: yeah. >> and i think that's what we're talking about. >> seth: yeah. >> i just say, "oh, just pretend you're hosting." >> seth: exactly. >> can you hold that thought? >> seth: sure? >> see what i mean? [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: i have never -- >> please. >> seth: i have never -- i'm the host of this show. i have never, in the middle of one of you sentences told you to hold that thought. [ laughter ] where are you getting -- >> why not? you're the host. >> seth: i know but that's not what a host -- >> you've got the desk. you've got the protection. you've got the desk. >> seth: yeah, i do have the protection. >> you got pencils. you can just say, "hold up." and make a note. >> seth: it's not -- you know what, it's nice about being a host. and i know this is a little cliche, i don't have to think about the lower half of my body at all. like, you're probably think about all this right now. and the amount of brain space you're wasting like, crossed legs, uncrossed legs. you know? >> by the way, it's sad that he's speaking truthfully. [ laughter ] no, meaning that, i can't tell you. as soon as you said it, you know how many times i've been, like, on a talk show and gone like, "are my legs showing?"
1:02 am
>> seth: yeah. right. >> it's embarrassing. [ laughter ] >> seth: it's embarrassing. >> like, to think about or -- >> seth: and you have wonderful legs. >> you know what? [ light laughter ] and that's what i keep telling myself. yet it still gets to me. >> seth: yeah. >> you know what i mean? >> seth: sure. >> there's a vulnerability. i don't know if you're picking up on it. but it's here. [ laughter ] deep inside. >> seth: but this is -- this just speaks to the marvel of you as an actor that you're hiding it so well. because you might be nervous, but you're acting like you own the place. [ laughter and applause ] >> well, listen, maybe i'll get a golden globe for this performance. [ cheers and applause ] don't start. >> seth: i do want to tick off some of your projects. >> we're here -- by the way, there's a bunch of them. >> seth: you got -- there's three. there's three things i want to ask you about. >> okay, three. >> seth: "santa clarita diet." season three, right? >> season three. streaming on netflix. >> seth: streaming on netflix. [ cheers and applause ] >> moving on. >> seth: moving on. "missing link."
1:03 am
>> oh, so charming. >> seth: "missing link." well --- >> oh, you got kids. you're going to go see this. >> seth: uh -- they're a little young for it, i think. >> no, but eventually you will. by the way, the great thing about these animated films -- >> seth: yeah. >> and i'm speaking just for me. i hear the residuals are great. >> seth: wow, okay. >> you're going to watch it late. you're going to watch it years from now. >> seth: right. >> 'cause it's a good one. it's a classic. it's like rotten tomatoes, like, 100%. 110% fresh. >> seth: is it? already? >> 110% fresh. >> seth: and which of these fellows here do you play? >> that's a little embarrassing. you would think i wouldn't be, but i am that guy. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] what's the name? >> last name's stank. >> seth: stank. i believe the first name is willard. [ laughter ] it's some kind -- >> seth: you really found the character on this one. [ laughter ] >> you know me. >> seth: yeah. >> i'm method. >> seth: yeah. >> so, when i'm in it, i'm in it. >> seth: yeah. >> but you also know me. when i'm out, i'm out. >> seth: yeah.
1:04 am
>> i can't even, it's like -- >> seth: you just left willard stank -- >> i can't even remember it. >> seth: -- in the headphones. >> the fact that i could even remember it. 'cause i was so deep, i don't even remember when it happens. it's like a -- it's like a -- >> seth: yeah. >> i don't know where i'm going with this. >> seth: i forgot to ask you -- [ laughter ] is it true -- i don't want to lose the opportunity to ask this question. is it true you're dog got into the edibles? >> oh, my god. this is the thing when they legalize drugs they don't -- they don't -- they just legalize it. and then they say, "people will figure it out." >> seth: i feel like that's not true, but go ahead. [ laughter ] >> but listen, new york, 'cause it's coming. the legal drugs are coming. and they're going to give you these little things that look like gummie bears. >> seth: right. >> they look like little, uh -- little kid treats. and what they don't tell you is the dogs don't know they're drugs. >> seth: yeah. [ light laughter ] >> so -- 'cause you think, "oh, its legal now. just leave it anywhere." you know what i mean? >> seth: yeah. right. >> cops show up, who cares? [ laughter ] leave it on the couch. i'm not concerned. >> seth: yeah. >> but the dog doesn't know. >> seth: right. >> he doesn't know those are drugs. >> seth: yeah. >> and then all of a sudden, if the aspca or anyone -- we've taken care of our pets for
1:05 am
years, fine. >> seth: a lot -- i do want to point out that a lot of this interview has been you stressing how responsible you are. [ laughter ] >> i do it for you, seth. >> seth: yeah. >> because you have little kids. >> seth: i do. >> i'm trying to set an example. >> seth: yes, okay. i will take it as an example. >> okay. >> seth: i'm sorry. i'm sorry. >> and maybe you think -- >> seth: hold that thought. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] okay, now go. >> it's really -- >> seth: now go. now go, now go. >> who's hosting this show, god damn it? i've lost control of my own show. [ laughter ] >> seth: so the dog -- what's the dog's name? >> little bruno. >> seth: little bruno. >> just a little guy. >> seth: okay. >> i had one. >> seth: how many pounds? >> i felt it. >> seth: yeah. right. >> he had like six. >> seth: oh, wow. [ audience oohs ] >> by the way, if you wonder -- if you ever ask yourself, "i wonder if you show up to a vet clinic," you know, "with a stoned dog if they'll be like, 'oh, my god. what?!'" they won't. [ laughter ] he'll be like the third dog that showed up high. [ light laughter ]
1:06 am
they'll be like, "no, no, we had a boxer here earlier today way more stoned than that." [ laughter ] they say, "come back in 45 minutes and pick him up." and then -- so, you say, "he'll be fine? 'cause we have questions." and they say, "we'll give a brochure when you leave. >> seth: gotcha. >> they've printed a brochure. [ light laughter ] that's how common it is. they haven't -- they haven't been like -- >> seth: and is it -- what is it -- like, do they put on an album? like, what do they tell you to do when you're dog's stoned? [ light laughter ] >> put on an album. >> seth: do they like vinyl? [ light laughter ] i'm running out of time, and i've -- you just have to come out -- when does this come out? when does the "deadwood" movie -- gonna come out? >> it's in may-ish. >> seth: all right. that's soon. >> may -- yeah, because it's april-ish. it's april. >> seth: yeah, it's april. this is so exciting. >> by the way, speakin' of going deep method, look at that 'stache. [ light laughter ] >> seth: there you go. >> i went big. >> seth: so that's -- and that is -- you grew that? >> i'll tell you why. one, the real guy had a huge mustache. and i always thought, if we're ever going to do it again i'm going to really go deep method, be the guy. >> seth: did you grow the mustache in the show?
1:07 am
>> that's not important. two -- [ laughter ] i thought the bigger i go, if this thing sucks, i'll just tell people it's not me. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] it is true. you can barely -- because the hat is a little low, and the mustache. >> you got the hat and 'stache. you'd be like -- "what did you think of the deadwood movie"? "i thought duhamel did a great job." >> seth: yeah. [ light laughter ] oh, there you go. that is -- you can totally put it on duhamel. >> yeah, look at josh duhamel. they got duhamel to play bullock. [ laughter ] i thought he did fine. i don't know what the big -- everyone's complaining. >> seth: this is -- the first time we met, we were talking about -- 'cause this has been rumored for years. this wonderful show, three seasons only on hbo. would they do a movie? and they did a movie. and i can't believe it. i'm so happy. >> can i be sincere for one second before we go? >> seth: yeah. >> i've seen it and i couldn't be more proud of it. and uh -- and it's just -- it's lovely. i hope people enjoy it. >> seth: and it was obviously a big show for your career, and your life. >> sure. >> seth: and was it great to see everybody? >> it was. it really was. >> seth: yeah. >> i think that -- i resisted the idea for a long time. i thought it was a very, very, very bad idea.
1:08 am
i've really just enjoyed the experience. i think i underestimated the impact those people had on my life so many years ago. and that show -- it was just a remarkable experience, and it was just -- very thankful for the opportunity to go back and see them all again. >> seth: i'm genuinely thrilled to see it. >> do we want to cry at the end of the interview? is that where this is going? >> seth: i guess so. >> it felt like it just got very -- >> seth: all right, let's -- >> let's very -- and i'm thankful for this time here. >> seth: i am, too, and uh -- >> how many times has it been? four? >> seth: this is four times, and it's the only person who's ever been here four times. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i'm sorry. record-setting four-time guest timothy olphant, everybody. "santa clarita diet" streaming on netflix. we'll be right back with diane von furstenberg. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪
1:09 am
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ from capital one.nd i switched to the spark cash card i earn unlimited 2% cash back on everything i buy. and last year, i earned $36,000 in cash back. which i used to offer health insurance to my employees. what's in your wallet? what is that? uh mine, why?
1:10 am
it's just that it's... lavender. yes it is, it's for men but i like the smell of it laughs ♪ ♪ ( ♪ )
1:11 am
only tylenol® rapid release gels have laser drilled holes. they release medicine fast, for fast pain relief. tylenol®. we put it to the ultimate test. leakguard technology, ♪ a hollywood stunt. [glass shattering] if it can prevent leaks during that, it can help prevent leaks at home. be happy, it's glad.™ we dwe make technologys... that moves people. this is the 2019 nissan rogue featuring tech like propilot assist. it helps keep you centered in your lane and in control. this is how nissan intelligent mobility is reinventing driving-
1:12 am
for everyone. now the most exciting tech you own is in your driveway. get the 2019 nissan rogue. zero percent apr financing for 60 months and $500 nmac cash back.
1:13 am
[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: our next guest is an award-winning designer and fashion icon who will celebrate the 10th annual dvf awards on april 11th at the brooklyn museum. please welcome back to the show diane von furstenberg. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: diane, welcome back! >> oh. >> seth: i'm so happy to see you. >> right. >> seth: it's such a pleasure. so this is the 10th year of the dvf awards. >> yes. >> seth: and this was an event you started for women honoring other women. >> well it's to honor women, extraordinary women, who have the strength to fight, the courage to survive, and the leadership to inspire. because all of those women have
1:14 am
gone through real hardship. and they survive and therefore now they're inspire. and they are all extraordinary. and i can't believe it's already 10 years. >> seth: 10 years and it's such an inspiring night to be at. one of my favorite things -- and i've seen you speak at this event. i've seen you speak at numerous other events. you're one of my favorite public speakers, because you seem very relaxed. do you ever get nervous at any of these things? >> no, because i like to speak. i -- [ laughter ] i mean, i do. i actually -- and i always kind of try to impress myself. and so i always try to say something i haven't said before. so i learn. [ laughter ] >> seth: and do you ever -- in the moment, do you ever think to yourself, "oh, this is a good one. i'm really doing a good one right here." [ laughter ] >> usually after i said it. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> once i heard it. >> seth: yeah. and was this something when you were a little girl did you think, "oh, i'm going to be
1:15 am
somebody who is going to speak in front of people like this?" >> my mother, my mother -- even on my first birthday, she always made me do public speaking. i mean, you know, yes. so it's part of me. and then, i did a lot of them as a little girl in front of the mirror. >> seth: oh, wow. >> and because you see the mirror is where you really understand that you really have total control of yourself. you do this. she does that. >> seth: oh wow. [ laughter ] >> you do this. she does that. you know? and you realize, "oh, my god, i can make her do whatever i want." [ laughter ] >> seth: that's a fantastic thing to realize at a young age. >> yeah. and that's how i really learned my big lesson that the most important relationship in life is the one you have with yourself. >> seth: that is just wonderful. [ cheers and applause ] >> and then once you have a good relationship with yourself, then every other relationship is a
1:16 am
plus and not a must. >> seth: that's so good to hear. that is so wonderful. i have a lot of pluses in my life. >> you do. >> seth: you have a lot of pluses in yours. i do want to ask -- you know, obviously there's a selection process to find some of the women that you're going to honor on thursday. who are some that we're going to see? >> well, the big one, the lifetime goes to anita hill. >> seth: wonderful. >> which is -- [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: wonderful timing. >> which is such a privilege. and gloria steinem is going to give it to her. and they're both excited. and i can't believe it. and the inspiration will go to katy perry. and then there is nadia murad who i'm actually reading her book right now on audio and she's yazidi, and her entire tribe got massacred. and she was raped. and, i mean, the whole thing is just so awful.
1:17 am
and then, i was thinking about it, and say, you know, what do you do when something happens? but the truth is that if you save one life, you save a dynasty behind that. and you have to remember that. so when we see tragedies, it doesn't matter, if you can only save a few, it's worth it. >> seth: you-- [ cheers and applause ] you were in a situation, you know, your family was obviously in great peril years ago in europe. >> my mother. okay, try to say -- >> seth: yeah, yeah, yeah. and yet, you are now -- one of the other things that is under your -- that you're taking care of right now is the statue of liberty gala that's happening later this year. >> yes. >> seth: and how did you get involved with that? >> all right, so, for those of you who don't know, and why should you know, i am the temporary godmother of the statue of liberty. >> seth: wonderful credit. [ cheers and applause ]
1:18 am
>> and -- and the work -- what i did for it, is that i raised the funds, a lot of money to build a museum that's going to be on liberty island. and i did the documentary for hbo, a book. and i learned so much about lady liberty that she was actually financed, it's the people of france who decided that they were going to give that to the people of america. so, anyway, so, yes. >> seth: that's such a -- it's very hard to think now of another country wanting to do something that nice for us. [ laughter ] you know what i mean? >> i know. but you see, i discovered, at the time they weren't very happy about what was happening in france, the intellectuals. and they looked at america. it was the declaration of
1:19 am
independence. it was the abolition of slavery. and they looked at the making of democracy and they thought, "oh, my god, this is great." and they wanted to be part of it. and look what happened. >> seth: it's a nice -- it's a nice reminder that if you do nice things, someone will send you a statue. [ laughter ] all you have to do is do the right thing, and that is what is going to happen. it is always so lovely to see you. i'm so -- thank you so much for inviting me on thursday. i can't wait to be at the dvf awards again. >> thank you. thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> that's diane von furstenberg, everybody. the dvf awards are this thursday at the brooklyn museum. we'll be right back with more "late night." [ cheers and applause ] ♪
1:20 am
verizon got us vip tickets three feet away from justin timberlake. my wife, me, jt. (vo) get more music on us with vip tickets from verizonup. plus get a free galaxy s10e when you buy one. only on verizon. readyaveeno's sheer formulaiant? packed with pure soy evens tone and texture. so skin looks like this. and you feel like this. aveeno® positively radiant get skin happy™
1:21 am
♪ ♪ ♪ charmin ultra soft! ♪ it's softer than ever. charmin ultra soft is softer than ever... so it's harder to resist. okay, this is getting a little weird. enjoy the go! with charmin! we'll take great care of him we get it you got it oh! thank you we're petsmart thank you we're hugging i swibecause they let metual, customize my insurance. and as a fitness junkie, i customize everything, like my bike, and my calves. liberty mutual customizes your car insurance, so you only pay for what you need. ♪ liberty. liberty. liberty. liberty. ♪
1:22 am
do you battery sound. want a charge? yeah battery charging. ♪ ♪ thank you so much. battery charging. ♪ internet that puts alright boys, time to eat. that handles anything. [ crowd cheering ] that protects what's important. and reaches everywhere. this is beyond wifi. this is xfi.
1:23 am
1:24 am
tastier...the best. so what do you got? are you kidding me? i was literally born for this. ♪ thank you. ♪ make it super crispy. so? you had me at fried chicken pacifier. try my new spicy chicken strips combo today. with 100% all-white meat chicken. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> welcome back. we here at "late night" have a lot of expenses. and to cover the cost, we have taken on some pretty -- well, terrible sponsors. sponsors we aren't very proud of, sponsors i'm ashamed that we took money from. but because we did take their money, we now have to mention them on the air. so apologies in advance. but tonight, "late night" is brought to you by salted
1:25 am
band-aids. [ laughter ] the band-aids with a little dash of salt. forget about your paper cut and focus on how bad this band-aid feels. [ laughter ] also available in lemon juice. [ laughter ] we're also brought to you tonight by sierra mister clean. the great taste of sierra mist with the cleaning power of mr. clean. relax, put up your feet. take a sip. and then call 911. sierra mister clean, from the makers of fanta with bleach. [ laughter ] next up, vape clarinets. [ laughter ] looking to combine the two things high schoolers find coolest? [ laughter ] try vape clarinets. [ laughter ] [ coughing ]
1:26 am
[ cheers and applause ] vape clarinets, get addicted to jazz. [ laughter ] we're also sponsored by whale jerky. we believe whales should be a protected species, but should one dead one wash up on shore, we will make jerky out of it. [ laughter ] buy two and the next one is free willy. [ laughter ] tonight, "late night" is brought -- [ laughter ] somebody vaped a little bit too much. [ laughter ] humpsters. looking for a private secluded place to get nasty? look no further than humpsters. the dumpsters you can hump in. choose from one of our single, double or industrial sizes. remember, if the dumpsters are rocking, don't come a throwin' garbage in it. [ laughter ] next up, do you wish you had a friend named carl, but only on weekends? [ laughter ] now you can with rent-a-carl. purchase a short-term rental on
1:27 am
a carl any time you want for as long as you want. we have hundreds of carls to choose from. mid size carls, compact carls and premium carls. [ laughter ] rent-a-carl. get that new carl smell. [ laughter ] we're also sponsored by banana-danas. the only bandanas made from 100% real bananas. banana-danas, they're b-a-n-a-n-a-d-a-n-a-s. [ laughter ] next up, cave man ghosts. have you noticed that most ghosts are victorian ladies who either drowned or were killed by their husbands? [ laughter ] well our ghosts are much older. 10,000 years older. cave man ghosts, instead of boo, they say "who?" and finally, tampons for men. jealous of your wife's tampons? [ laughter ] now you can have some too. where do they go? that's your business. tampons for men, from the makers of lady jack straps. that's it for "bad sponsors." here's some of our good ones. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ my name is bailey and this is my girl cj.
1:28 am
one day cj had to move away. let us know where you wind up. bailey, bailey when you come back the next time take care of cj. and then i was back. and i had a promise to keep. [ bark ] with each new life i would protect cj. [ bark ] where did you come from? loving people is my purpose but bringing them together that's my journey. at your fingertips. ♪
1:29 am
download doordash. first order, $0 delivery fee. is it to carry cargo... greatness of an suv? or to carry on a legacy? its show of strength... or its sign of intelligence? in crossing harsh terrain... or breaking new ground? this is the mercedes-benz suv family. if you've never seen yourself in a mercedes, you've never seen these offers. lease the gla 250 for just $379 a month at the mercedes-benz spring event. hurry in before april 30th. milk, fresh cream and only sustainably farmed vanilla. it's made with fresh cream, sugar
1:30 am
and milk. breyers the good vanilla. we proudly partner with american farmers for grade a milk and cream. mmm! so kim, you going for our big drive safe & save discount? yup, using the app. i've been quite vigilant. sharon says step on it. the meeting's started. ok, write her back 'dear sharon, don't mess with my discount!' faster mommy, i gotta go to the bathroom. i do too honey, but we're gonna hold it for mommy's discount. easy, easy! but you're in labor? don't mess with my discount! uh hem. get a discount up to 30% with drive safe & save from state farm.
1:31 am
i'm always going to be a maker. and i think a company is the coolest thing you can build. i'm adam, and i make robots. you never know when inspiration is going to strike. so i take my surface pro everywhere. part of an entrepreneur's job is to get stuff done. i like to do, like, four things at once. the new surface pro can handle all of my programs. i can paint, i can mold, i can code. i have it on all the time, it's fantastic. we get to build toys for kids and change the world. it's a big deal. while shopping at sears, you need to place yourself in the moment. you need confidence in the appliances you select
1:32 am
to build the home and life you love. our products and services bring moments like this to every family. shop top-brand appliances including kenmore at sears.
1:33 am
♪ >> announcer: for more "late night," go to follow us on instagram and twitter @latenightseth. and be sure to check us out on youtube and facebook. head over to itunes and subscribe to the "late night with seth meyers" podcast. you'll get "a closer look" and more downloaded right to your phone. ♪ introducing my new spicy chicken strips combo.
1:34 am
bigger, tastier strips of juicy chicken with crunchy batter. spice them up with hot sauce or cool them down with buttermilk ranch. try my 100% all-white meat spicy chicken strips combo today. only at jack in the box. i can customize each line for each family member? yup. and since it comes with your internet, you can switch wireless carriers, and save hundreds of dollars a year. are you pullin' my leg? nope. you sure you're not pullin' my leg? i think it's your dog. oh it's him. good call.
1:35 am
get the data options you need and still save hundreds of dollars... do you guys sell other dogs? now that's simple, easy, awesome. customize each line by paying for data by the gig or get unlimited. and now get $100 back when you buy a new lg. click, call, or visit a store today. tastier... i was literally born for this. ♪ you had me at fried chicken pacifier. try my new spicy chicken strips combo today. with 100% all-white meat chicken.
1:36 am
♪ [ cheers and applause ] [ laughter ] >> seth: my thanks to timothy olyphant, diane von furstenberg, fred armisen and the 8g band. stay tuned for carson daly. we'll see you tomorrow, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪
1:37 am
♪ ♪ ♪


info Stream Only

Uploaded by TV Archive on