tv The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon NBC January 22, 2016 10:34pm-11:37pm MST
[ cheersnd applaus],, >> jim >>immy: ohmyoodns. that makes me great oh, i loveou. i love you. lcome, welcome, welc welcome, welcome, e. welcome everyone, tothe tonit show." [ cheers andppuse ] hot crowhe in new york. new york cy. a greacrtoght. oh, my gosh. [ chrs a] th iit. you guys look like a great ay night crowd right here in norty [ cheers and ala] and if t d ifhe snogetsoo heavy, mig wind up being a great monday and tuesday night crowd as wel cheers and applaus] get mfore.
[ cheers and applause ] it's sluer. let'do ttincozy. th beingere. leget to some ne her of crse io caucuses are coming up. yesterday, linds gram iticized donald trump and ted uz and sd choosing between th is likeaving choosing between being shot or isoned. [ light laughter said gram is supporting jebush which he said is like choosing to be slowly suffocat by an eensive pillow. [ lighlaughter ] did you he this? a rearcher found lyrics to a that woody rie wrote over 50 yearago abt donald trump fatr, fredrump. believe was called, this landmy land and thisd my land, and thisand also my land. lauger ] cheers andlae ] this ld is my land. th iall my land. p that's rht. meone founlycs to a so written out donald trump's fatherand nald wasike, bideal.
about me called "the wall," and i made tm pay for it. [ cheers and appe ] seems like we'reearng more abalthe candides.in peomagazinerofi on bernieanders revealed he prosed this fe in a a frndly's parking lot. [ lahter ] inac a lot of the other ca havcome ptty -- have come up with intestin stors about how they got engaged well. ke a look at these. fit, donaltrump said i got down on one knee and tol melaa, "you' hot, i'm ri. let's his." [ lauger ] [ applause ] that'somantic. >> stevethat's romantic. >>immy: that's romantic. season of love. next ited cruz. he sd "funny story. first time i asked her, sh actuallyaid no. but e second time,he ao sa n the third ti i sd it rea fast. she said huh said, that counts." [ applause ] [ laughter ] isn't thatice? >> ste: betiful. >> jimmy: ah. afr that, hillary clinton she said of a romantic cdlelit nner, i aned over d whispered let's rge our respective brands for th
political influence. [ laught ] [ chrs and alause ] artwarming. >> steve: beautil. >> jimmy: finally, there's chris riie. he said, "actuallyskeder, will youarinate meat. [ lauger ] she sheard me, si just with it." [ laughter [ cheers andpplause ] su, let's gemarried. very intesti, and ve mant. >> steve: marinate mt. >> jmy: yeah. will you marine meat? [ light laughter ] : ll youth for me? jimmy: at's the best way have i sve: yeah, ye. u t arine it. jimmy: you veo marinate it. yeah. >> ste: you got to keep it manated. laughter ] >> jimmy: experts at this ek's world economiforum that said in the fure,ell phones will likely be tiny mputer chips implanted iour brains. great, now i he to worry about leaving myrainthe couch. [ lighlaughter ow what i'm ying? it'sust otheoblem. i have to be up. some more tech news. samsunhas new washg machinthat can connecto your srte d send you updateabyour laundry. [ lit ughter ]
people who aitr tremely busy or have nhing else goin on. [ light laughter al] oh, got text from my washing mhine. [ lighlaughter ] it says,ou u uger [ cheers and aus] [ alert ] [ ert ] my washing machine again. [ light laughter ] >> steve: at does itay? >> jim: nephone.who dis? [ ughter ] [ applause ] i connected -- i connect myse to thwashing machine. teve: my gosh. >> jimmy: i'the one who set up. [ light hter ] >> steve: rude. you' all w. >> jmy: that's when yoow it's bad my washing mhine ignor . deleting me fr its concts. a new report found for t first ti ever, o mus is outselling new music. when asked what turn them on to older music, kids said our nts ling our music. [ light laught ] you used to calme on the ceular pho yoused to call me on
hotline hotline bling anyway turn idown a little t. turn it down, at's bette that's betr. [ light ughter ] and finally, sdi arabia's highest relious official announced that playing chess goes again the rules of islam and should be owned upon. icis wrdecause if you're at ess urnament, u're definity got 72 v. [ lauger ] [ rs and ala] have a grt show, ybody. it up for the roo right there. [ eers and applaus] >> jimmy: >> jimmy: at was a good one. hey, guy wee seing the best vibeso our friends in fnt, michigan, who are ving a terrible crisis rht now. ey nd our help, so pleas goe mmunity dation of greer flint a donat whatever you can.
that. [ cheers andpplae guys, come back again next week. hudwille sh bron will be here. [ chrs andpplae ] and natalie portman will a be joing us. [ cheers and applause ] plus, we have great muc xt ek. we booked him. we got him. i'm so psyched about this. biy ocn will be here. >> stevecome on. [ cheersnd applause ] sdenlli has new meaning to me toe there's buty upbo
wak wake upuddenly you're in love [ eersnd applaus] >> jimmy >> jimmy: nt to put pele in the mood there. >> steve: yeah. emotio >> jimmy: he falls asleep at the end of the song, ande actually wakesp, and suddenly, he's in love. yeah. what other jams we got? weot "caribbean queen." we've go when thgoing gets toughhen the goints tough hey hey hey hey >> jimmy: cariea what am i ssin lover boy want to be your ver >> jimmy: yeah, do we know what soe's ing yet? >> queve: he's going to do "suddenl and "caribbn queen." >> jimmy: oh, snap. th's it right there. come o th's fantastic.
>> questyeah. >> jimmy: billy ocean will be here. [ cheers andpplause ] i'm so excited. and we have a very, very special performance from my girl sia. sia will be here next week. [ eersnd applae ] she is so talentedan. she's insa. but rst,e have a gat sw tonight. fun time, we lovthis guy. he's a great actor. just had two huge vies out, and now he's back onroway in "blackbird." the ny nominated jeff daniels is on the sh tonight. [ cheers and applause ] he can act. >> steve: n. >> jimmy: he knows how to act. plus, she's a youtube superstar known superwoman. if you go onoh, my gosh. she's funny. lilly singh is stoppg by, everybody. [ eers and ae ] u know lly singh? man shs grea she does a sorts of sketches and fun st she plays her parents. she es a version of them. we'll sh you wt sh. man oh m, she makes me laugh. we're also goi tplay aam
[ cheers a alae ] thene have band that i gigaic, and they're just ing to be en bger. i'm psych they're here tonit. they're faastic. luciis here tonight, guys. eers a applause ] want to hear aaste o "dancing on glass"? ready higs? jim jimmy: ishat how you dae? >>teve: that's how i dance?[ light lauger ] >> jimmy: whenou're on gla >> steveght. because i don't want to cut my feet. [ light lahter ] >> jimmy: it's notroken glass.>> sve: no. it not? >> jimmy: but u uld slip. >>teve: oh, okay jimmy: i thinthat's the idea of the song. light laht ] yeahlike -it's like -- three, two, one, safety nce.
an dancing on the ilin guys, tois friday, a th's usually when i catch up with some personaltuff. [ cheers and applaus] i check my inbox, i return some e-mails, and i send t some thank you note so i was running a bit behind. [ cheers and aus you gu don mind? ank yovery much. i precte it. i have to write some thank you notes right now. james, james, james, do you have any -- do o yohave som ank u note ing sic perfect. cheers and applause ] that's perfect. perfect. fo to put his tie on. >> yh. >> jimmy: someone stole s tie.
>> steve: he w theame because of his tie. jimmy: poet sare is gone yep. light laughter he's dressed likharry stes. ing on collection. [ light laughter ] jimmy: yeah. >> steve: he's cute, though. [ light laer ] >> jimmyye. youric on. thank you, bernie nders, for releasing a new caaignd using the simon & garfunkel song "america" not to be confusedith the songeb bush uses at s rallie"the sound of sence." [ light laught ] [ applse ] twdifferent song >> steve: o different songs. >>im: he's the one choosing them, right? >> steve: he chose that song >> jimmy: thank you, musical cats, for returning to broadway this year. [ chee and applaus m not sure wt lured ca back to broadway, but i'm going to guess it's giant laser
[ light laughter ] [ applause ] thank you,eople who are disappointed that the newly discover nin planet is just nameplanet 9. [ light laughter ] ors uranus put it, wanna swch? [ light laughter ] cheers and alause ] better than my name. >> steve: anet 9. >> jim >> jimmy: thanyou, dolly parton, for celebrating your 70th birthday on tuesday. you don't look a day or 38-24-36. [ laughter ] [ chee and applaus] >> steve: spic jimmy: thanu, government officials, for issuing a a warning that people ridi hoveoards should cry a fire extinguisher with them [ ght laughter ] great, now people on hoverboards are going to look so stupid. [ light lauger ]
[ light ughter [ crash [ crash ] >> jimmy >> jimmyank you, vases behind glassfor being a a museum's way osaying you n probablykip this part. [ light laughter ] [ cheers and appuse hone want to look over here? >> steve: very sad. >> jimmy: is that a vase or a a vase? steve: whatit i don't know. >> jimmy: they use it as a a vase. protect it aa very famous va.
[ laughter ] >> jimmythank you, owls,or never asking the impornt questions like what,hen, ere, or why. [ applause ] i told you who. [ applause ] thk yo nth carolina, for making it lookike south carolina is wearing donaldrump's hair. [ light laughter ] there you guys have it right there. [ cheers and applaus s those are my tnkou notes. webe right back with
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st aeragork? joeriznd w coverurts titch , , [ cheers and applause ] >>my: ats great, gs. ourst guest is an emmy awardinning actor about to star on broadway opte michelle williams in a play called "the blackbird." previews begin february 5th with a18-weelited engagement thrgh juntht the belasco theate ea welcome theery, very
jeff daniels [ cheers and appus] [ eers a [ cheersnd appuse ] >> jim: great hang you back yore a stud. welcome babuy. we lovyou. >> i'm stud. >> jimmy: yoare a stud. >> i'm a -- >> jimmy: yeah, they kw you're a stu cheers a applause ] i'm stu >> jimmy: you are! aryou ppy toe he in w rk city r the big blizzard? oh, mgod. i ju- what poor ng. rr ting. >> jmy: this is eat. u lovehis. >> well,'m from michigan, so weind ofu know, we, we - scter apause ]ye. [ lit laughter ] jim: you'resed tot.>>o, we gearwe lovth kof stuff >>immyright? i mean, you know, you have to. ifouivthere,ike -- you know, i heeasons. i love the cnging of the asons. >> jmy: yeah, me too >>hat means you've gotta also
and you know, art of pple th lea michigan in the winter. >> jimmy: they do. they go down to florida. they're called snow -- ] they're called snow birds. >> jimmy: people cl them sw birds. >>eah, those of us whota in michigan, we call them sss. [ laughternd applause make a note of that. >> jim: yeah, exactly. . nutou gtambraceit. it's gree year. there's snow my: yeah. >>ike new city's gonna get lus. at's nn'. that's notn' jim: 's fun, rit? you stand around with your her michigders, anyou no. like -- i like- like living in -mi-michigan. [ laughter jmy: u convince yrself that it's t! >> yes! you oing to the pestore to buyensi theal wea r yo dog [ ght ughter ] >> jim: yes,hat mas sense to me! >> you like gointo the ocerstorwearg 12 layers
>> jim: that'something that makes evyo look good >> yeah, exactly. >> jmy: we aually got you someg case you' walking around, beuse of the big snow storm here. we got you aice hat. this is the ros. oh! oh! cheers andlause ] oh! >> jimmy: at'sespect. at's respectight there. yeah. that's what i'm taing ou a appla] >> yeah! >> jimmy: look h gooyou look. that's what i'm lkin' abt. see? , you don't have to -- yeah, it's fine. that ss for y. at ss what'sp for you. >> bring it . >> jimno, no, that'sot at it means, either. it fun and eoying e blzard. >> i'monna stand in central park tomorroango, i goroot >> jimmy: ye! [ chrs and applaus] th's i want toear. i got the ots. come on.it t besu know, i've been dying to ask you th -to tell this story, because i don't think you've told it on any show bere. and it's a very, very interesting story, because you kn iove
jimmy: yeah, ani love jeff diels. th's you and is is a combo becae when you ht "saturday night li" sometimes u get like a face like a a faceask ake noser fake ears. >> yeah -- >> j: yeah. i did. >>immy: and the procs of that, to do that, well, i don't wanna ruin the sto. >> well, this is before you. >> jimmy: ah. >> thiise 5 or something like that. ke meyers was dog the nn woosketch whe h doesonnie wood tal. i can't do i but it's very fuy. >> jim: that great. >> and i had to play lieeson in that movie he did with jodie foster. chick-a- chick-aea at thing. atever tt s. >>my: , yeah, yeah, yeah i remember that. yeah, yeah, remeer tha >> a so i had to get aace mask of a mold of my face de so tt they could put liam's nose, which i t a nose, t ot a bger no. , theyantebig nose so youo intoakeup frida night before "saturday night live." iday nightyou're the, m there at 7:00.
or theehearsal dinner at -- i had jambalaya. >> jmy: oh, yeah. >> thiis k, mba. [ lit laughter ] they put theask on. so, itike quarter-inchf this whi stuff, and they had twstraws in myose. ancovered that -- sovethinwas cod exce this. and so5 minutes,t hards . thenoff com. and then they make -- then the next day, there's a nose. we, th go to take off, and it wouldn't come off. light lauger >> jmy: i'm t ughing -- >>heusedhe wrong stuff. >> jmyi'm not ughi because i'm -- >> yes, you are. >> jmy: i'laughiecause he you are, and everything workedut. okay. [ light laughter ] >> no one was harmed in this. should have bebut [ laughter ] >> jimmy: at did you do? >>y used the wrong stuff used plasr, lyou wod t oh, i don't know, on yo wall.
so i've got a quarter inch of aste thick cement on there. i t three days of stubble. [ audienhs ]>>my: oh, my gh. >> i got eyebrow i got eyelashe everythis tach. >> j: and you can't lk. >> and -- [ ffled ] that's hpening. >> jmy: two ra. he'tryingo put -- the ma gius isrying to pu it of [ la ] it ain't coming off. and shimway. he'sng, "you have to relax. it'sour you'rthe e who cau this."laughter ] [ d ] motherbleep ]mother >> jimmy: can kind of understand what you said there. >> sort of. so o then he, you kw, pulleit. now 's going to a er anhe's going t -ju holdll [ laughter ] i swear to god. so i pushed him away. now, it's an houd a haf m trapped inside >> jimmy: so sorry. >> and the jambalaya is talking e now.
thmbalaya goin', "we wantme up. 're comin' up." >> jimmyyou're gonna throw up? >> yea i'm gon tow up. i'm gonna throw up in the next 90 sonds. m ', iot two -- i'm breathing out of tse two orifices. where'it gonnao? hter ] >>immy: ere can i throw it? >>re's it gonna go? edysf out ofhrowing up, which is not easy to do. then, finally, i was able to pull it. lilly pluckemywn ebrows. there wathhere. lds a baby just -- you can see, tre's ltle someing. oh, good. nind tht [ laughter ] . it's from heredo, it didt grow bac so anyway,o pulled thaoff. now the eyelashes are atched. he's gonna yank it. mud ] jimmyohmy god. [ laughter ] >>e yanks it
comeinconcer loe coin, "sknow a surgn at a party." d he pulls g over a partin new york ty. and e guy ows ithis bag. pulls ouan x-ao ife, and sa"hthchair and not move baung to cut your eyelashes. i'm intout it down eyela, t if y , ll cut your eyebor elid." j: jambalay jambaya. jaala. jambalaya. jambalaya. now e re. wireutte.now 're he. wesaa claus with a white asteard ree daysf stubble. which meant 25 shots of vo om. boom. om. om. ale way.by 1:0in the morni, this took sixours.by 1:00 in morng, i was reo andosnl. [ lauger ]
u are a trouper for that. you're trouper fhat. 's a legdarytory. d a respect you f at we ae you for that. i'm nna co see you on brdway i'm not goa tell you what night. you out. but re you are. mielleillis. now,s is -- e play ope march . ow y'rng previews rht now whs the plut?mati, gh >>t's toh, toughra it's mystery. a secreten the two pelehat happenedea ago. it's a horrible, horrible thin at he diwith her. anand r osliwho page one we co in and we grab the audice and ng oto 'em. i'erone a toh d thishallenging is hont to g dramati
we d it f-broadway, i diitis00 d just killed. i'm glad too broadway with michle. >>im: i cannot wait to see you. anthank you so much for coming by oushow again. love you so mh. >> youe welcom jmyjeff diels, everyby. eersnd applae ] him ooadway in lack," preews ben feua 5th. we'll beight back with lilly sih, ery ick arou. fortifying the avitdefying... adventure-collecting... friend-cnector.. fortifying the going-places. off-to-the-races... day-seizing... yo you're s d 're re to help y sy that way. new special noh. multain fl with qui apples, monds d raspberrie nespecl k nourish.
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[ a aus jim >> j: ket. likehat. come >> i t. >>myi'soappy to et you. >> tha you jmythk so much for cominge >> thanks r havi i'm excited. jmyoh, pleasepl, please i want to give people andea, ifhey don't ow yhow giant u are onoutube. 7.llion subscribers. one bil views. one ion. cheers applause ] you were named in "fbes" "30 der ." and you just did aorldwide tour of 27 cities and hows >> mhmm. jmy: cotulatis, p [ chrs a] >> you. k yo >> jimwell done, yh, rve everhing ts comio u. i wao into watalkbout evhing, causi wah urideo you doing your parents. paren like anything th youchter is doi or no?
trouble,er i'suoso say . >> jim: okyeah, yeahpret goo i do tt. >>y pares are ke "don't but 'ractuallye elemen of em a true, but they're veryxaggerated artsre super coo immydo your li -- ese is a g "llo?y dad doesn'hat, b lot inesirtaken fromd. soy das thine called, "ogoldt i am platin."[ laughter ] >> jimmy: "old is goldbut i am platim." >> iut tha my video, and 's as asking about royaltie because he thinks i moy w r my deos. [ laughter ] i me, elements arerue. jimmyhe's got to be so proud,ht ou? >> in, n, yes. nothat'm othe y fallon s [ cheersnd appuse ] jimmy: , ease.she's star. that cracter, love that. alsoyou pling yo gat. ur mom iverydional i staw onehere it's your parent youyour, wahinghe jn bieber vio. d man,h, man. it so funny. >> thank you >> jimmye's ke, "oo, no, no." >> yh. >> jmy: "oh, no, no, no,o." [ hter ]
my mre le isctuall per co. she knowall ra ri. [ laughtere actuly ithe who ntaume that weekndong is abo drugs. [ ht i dn't know that. she's like, ou know that s is about drugs, righ m li, om?" [ uger ] she'sur withhe times. >> jimmy: en down -- don know iale, yr fingers fferent whou your mos character. >> y, erhing about me chges. don't ow what --s s i t -- hto do is dr aeamyace,nd i'm like dfenterson.[ lahter that's a it take >>immy: you thk? yeah. your pen -dinow you wereoingharacters, tt u re doi, kind of, them? >> o no.i dn't t itaed kings. dove ath wgoin on. theylly d ou wh omy relivesm vancoulled andas l s yourter on rnet?" they, "oneeclilly!" [ laughter ] sohey found out like tt. >>immy: rely? why diyou start ma ? ju for fun?>> you knot was 10i posty t soive orixears a.
a really sad person.was and i t if i cod ke othereople ugh ugviosi could ke myselfgh. jimmy: is tt ght? ohmy gos[ a appla] >> thankou. >> jimryest. very hto say that. are you happright w? >> iso glyappy. actually- [ chee andlae ] yeah, thk u. >> jimthat gd hear. >> tt' tour an viwas alaboutr t unisla." n island is a nor myaplace, becausi' a veryaturadt,s you can see. unorn isnd ia synym fofo my happy place, and that's what e movid toas all abt. >> jimmy: so's a happy place. unicn isnd everhi that makes you happ what makesou hpy>> so everheir own unorisnd. i , you do, evernels hereoes. mine has, ke, skittles and popcor , dwayne "the rock" hnson sless. [ ch ] goslingyou know yours might look difre. jimmy, a similar ah. prettyloo the sa, ye ect>> j: th supun.
around to l these different ples andaking peopleappy. >> yeah, i mea ikind ohas two sties. one islike sd, sad perso decing to happy a spreing thessa with e d. r people have ia of wham andr seen deos, 'sry ai ing onorld . lii know nothing about is ha pcholog whatm i evoing so, it was a really co story>> jimmy: did you have the mt fun? what was the cits thatou we likgrea timeust w." i mn, we truld e like, india, australia, sior >>immy: really? >> hng, dubai.yeah dubaad aot ostrien bai. >> j: real >> yea we ieto g into a cl o dd e ofy unagce couldn't soly the prim tclub. [ light laug ] this guy, whvid ut, ca the pof dai. d he wike,is is frusatinfomany reasons, use nothisseing my exctations f every other guy as out, doesn'll tri laught ] >> jmy: lost cth prince and g me , man.
>> jimmy: "hlo, a you doing, bdy?" sotely. >> exactly >> jim: no way. >> mm-hmm. >>immy: how fun ishat? i didn'tven know y could just call thprinf i. yeah, appary, again, you n. >> j: , i wa to sh everyone a clip ts. t ian it's outube d.gh nolet anyoneincl urlf, let beeve for evenen second thou don deserve to bso hap, because yoall rve to bso, so hay. cheers ]p evhi yokn iot to dos ght now,ight [ cheers you i to rit now. superwoman ial, check t.[ cheers ] [ inaudible ]chk 'em t. [ chrs ] i'm in banr, check out. nchest, 'em from mumbai,rom sydney hoon i'm home in toro chk 'em t!
[ [ cheersnd app jimmy all w go unn island. u're asome, pal. co b i'm a g fan. >> thankou. >> jimmy: thanyou so much. stick around. lilly ani --ey, before you can we play a game? >> i le games. >> jmy: you do? yeah. >> jimmy: lilli are going to play "fasfaly feud" the break. it gone go. [ chee andppuse ]
know at g?,,,,,,,,,,,,, chee anduse ] >>mywelcome back. we're hangg th lilly ng evedy, right re! cheers applaus] d 're goa ge 'sli "ly ly fte it te for "fast faly here. fasfami feu st familfeud cheers and applause ]>> jmy:you rdy? 'm r, i'read must warn you,rew in "family feud." nothgamelikere-life tuations every. >>imu ?>> yamilfe likei'rer this. jim: yody the r of "family fe right? >> yess. >> jim: i don't ha to exn itright? okay. les -- [ buer ] nono
iesting, st jmy: is that the rst time youit a bzer?>> yh. lauger ] >>: th's pttgo righ buzzer ] don't you want o ? it's the greatt thinev. okay, heree go. we'll go to the ne the next one. all righ okay, everybody. okay, sveyed our dience, and the top three answers are on the board. t's hear the first question. >> name animal that begins with the letr "f [ buzzer ] >> jmy: ferret. [ buzzer ] [ ding ] no one in the audience said feet?>> know this is correc i feel lik goin sayro buzzdis ] chrsnd alaus >> jimmy: wa say it a say it again? >> theext question >> jmy: we'lstart with the next question. so we ner had this question. [ laughter you can edit okay, go. ay. >> allight. >> jimmy: u beat me on that one. >> all right. jimmyfrog, okay. okay, he wgo. the next question. >> name the st valentine's y gift youan receive. [ buer ] >> chocola ngs ] [ rs ] >>immy: all right!
ocole? >> i'must saying that i am sutlyli, sileht i don't knowow gott. laughter ] i massive commient issues. th w jguess. that was auess. >> jmy: chocole, yh. what is number t? flows? [ s dings ] we- who gets a vation f valeine's day? jimmy: i have very rich audience mbers. laught , got you cation." that is a good present. >> prince dubai.>> jimmy: "prince of dubai, hoed me ." yeah, absoluly here we go. is is how fa udis it's ay? is is for all the males. here we go. t's hear t >> name the[ buzzer ] >> jimmy: shave. [ laughter ] [ buzzer ] why would i say shave? >> checking your phone. [ dis ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, myosh! you are li a genius. ohi love herht the. lilly ngis tinner, everybody! [ chrs applause at theastest "fastamily ud" ev. we'll be rightack with musom suc k ound.
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