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tv   The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon  NBC  January 29, 2016 10:34pm-11:37pm MST

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,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, >>tevefrom studio 6b in ckefeller cent in the heart of new york city, it's "the tonight show starring jimmfallon." tonight, jn jiy d his guests- tyleperry, wagner moura, comean iliza shlesinger, and featuring the legendary roots crew.
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[ cheers [ cheers and appuse ]>> jim >> jimmy: thyou. i love you. oh, you make me feel gd. hi, everybody. hocrd tonight. man, oh, man. [ cheers and applause ] lcome, welcome, welcome to "the tonight show." is is . this is whthere is a "tonight sh,"ecause of a crowd like th. >> sve: come o [ cheers applaus] >>immy: this iwhy. e one and only. so excited. i'm ur host, jimmy fallon. w, he'what people e talkg out. everybody is talking about this poweall drawing tomorrow ght. th ihuge. it is now up to $800 million.
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the pot'goen so bi even one guy was like, "i have to buy a lotty tiet [ laughter and alaus] it's a goobusiness move." [ laughter ] did you sethis? at a rally last night in vermont, donald trump refused to let anyone in that wasn a a trump supporter. but severaprotesters got in anyway so keep that in mind next time you listeno the guy whose biggest campaign promi is keepinpeople from sneaking [ laughter and applause ] "okay, you can come in, but just you guys. nobody else." and this week in las vegas, hillary cln, bernie sanders anmartin o'malley shared t ste at anc fundraiser. yeahi think the reof the might have had a little too much fun in ves. take a look athis. "hangover 4"? [ ught and applause ] i me -fun. >> steve: wow. jimmy: wentor it. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: they went for it. this is intesting, here. i hearan autogph expert has
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autograph is the most valuable of a candidates. for stance, a hillary clinton-signed hat is worth abou$1,500, while a a jeb bush-signed hat is worth whateverhe hatost origally min a fewucks for e jeb bush signature. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applae ] kinda ru but then you have it removed and that's a decenhat. >> steve: you'll ruin the hat. >> jimmy: it's a nice hat. >> steve: i was going to wea this. wrote on it. [ laughter >> jimmy: it's aautoaph. steve: oh. >> joh, it's been nounced south carolina goveor nikki hal will be ging the official republican response to obama's statof the unnext wk. it's a tough job, but if look at the state the union responses from theast couple years, i'm not sure the r is setoo high. >> the sting of the economy and the frusatn whing -- washington's dysfunction -- >> not has fruteme more thafalse choices ke the onthe president laid out tonight. [ ughter ]
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[ laughter ] >>ood eving, andpy mai as. [ laughter >> jimmy: th's my favorite one. >>teve on. >> jim: why did sta that r back? >> steve: i'm gonna starfrom back here. >> jim: you sure you don't want to start closer? you re you don't -- no, no, i go-- yeah. it's perfect. >> steve: are you sure? that seems kind of far. and now the atnion response. [ cheers and applae ] >> jimmy: good eveni, and happy mardi gras. [ laughter ] >>teveyou don'want to slidin? lauger ] >> jimmy: u think jindal's entrance was bad, look at his ex. watch this. [ laughter ] that's how hlees. [ cheers and applause ] he moonwalks. moonwalked off. >> sve: moonwalking. >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: oh, my goodns. [ chrs and aus >> jimmy >>immyi can't. i can't. obby jindal >> jimmy: hey, this is a big story today. the prident of mexico
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drug lord,l apo has be caught. [ audience os ] soood news, everybod meco icompletely se agai [ laughter and applae yeah wean allo to hg out . got it. don't worry about it. there's this video that went viral, i don't know if you s this. it mad laugh. it's a kid at disneyland, he s on stage taking part in the park's ji training ademy. and got to say, the forc prty strong with this one. [ light laughter ] take a look athis y. vergood. ohthat was a good thatas a good. that's some iendly fire. friend fire. whoa, whoa. [ laughter ] easy, i'm on your side. okay. calm down. good job, young man. we done. all righ [ eers and applause ] >> jimmythen darth vader was like, "kid, where is you father?" [ laughter and applause ] d he think candyas going to come o of e ofm
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steve: if candy had nuts in them. [ laughter ] jimmy: >> jimmy: th tru he her hey, here's some th news. [ laughter gue. yeah >> steve: yeah. >>immy: overt e consumer electronics show in las ga this week, a company debuted a a dre that canarry a a person. pele were li, "wow, a a heer?" ught a applause ] th's ady been invented yes ago. wee good. stevegoit >> jim: oulda googled that. yeah. one of the big gadge this year is the virtual reality headset. everyone's talking about tt. one company is actually coming t with a virtual reality porn. it's supposed toe pretty realistic, so check out this guy trying it out for the very -- [ laught ] r e ve firste.
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>> there's some naughty americ v.r.orn ntenin her i'm gonna goheckt out. here's youfirst threesome. oa, whoa. [ laughter ] i am a porn star i am a male po star. oh, my -- oh, my god they're right ere. re really right ther what do you nt? [ laughter ] cheers and alause ] >>my >> jimmy: i just hope he's not like that with auawon. he's like, "op it,top it. what do you want?" [ laughter ] en they' like, "we hen't tuedt on yet."
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[ cheers [ cheers andpplause ] >> jimmy: thank you, roots. that was fantastic. guys, come back again next week. this is big. the two current leaders of the 2016 presidentiarace, donald trumpnd hillary clinton will be here on the ow. [ cheersnd applause ] plus, ken hart, day deto, khloe kardashi and ray romano will bjoining us. steve: oh! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: but first, we have a fantastic show tight. he one of thst succeful tertainers aroun what a nice guy and so tanted. i can't it to talk to him. lo this guy. tyler perry is here, ladieand gentlemen. [ cheers and applause ] show's crushing it he's just go guy. tyler and i are going to play "spin the microphone" with some special surpriuests lar on in the show. th's right plus, he's golde globe-minated for his great work in the netfliseries "narcos." he's azing in this show. wagner moura is joining us toght. [ cheers and applause ] he's so good.
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of my favorite comedia, iliza shlesing igoing to be here tonight. steve: yeah! chrs a applause ] immy: e's good. e'funny. guys, today's friday, ght? >> steve: ah, it is. [ cheers and applaus] >> jimmy: tos friday. idays when i usually catch up with personal sff, you know, check mynbox, turn some e-mails and of course, i se out thank y not. [ cheers and alause ] and i'm running bit behind, so i thought iu guys wodn'tind, i lto write out weekly thyou notes right now. is that cool? is tt all right? [ chee a applause ] you gu are theest. thank you. hey, james, n i have some thank you te writing music, please? >> steve: ohhe's sly. >> jimmy: a sly dog. steve: 's a sly little fox. >> jimmy: a sly little fox. [ lahter ] >> s: ooh. look how cute he is. >> jimmy: he a sly little fox. [ laughter ] [ growl ] thank you, new year' resolutions, for being the easiest way toet eveone know whayou abo urself. [ laughter and applause ] kind of intesting.
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>> steve: yeah, that's it. >> jimmyoh, you don't like that? thank you, repcansnd stard, for being t only gs that come in mild spicy, brown, anyellow. [ laught and applaus] >> steve: yeah, come on. >> jimmy: just thought of that. yeah. thank you, m acc robbing an art museum in ilno and stealing a a sculpture of abraham lincoln's hands. the suspect is described as even more armed. >> steve: oh. [ lahter and applause ] yeah somebody's thinkg it. >> jimmy: that o got laughter and a couple boos. >>teve: boos yeah. [ laughter ] a couple. just a couple. >> jimmy: just a couple. >> steve: just a cple boos. not a lot. >>immy: i'll te em. th's nice. thank you,all street invests, for worrying abt how apple stock is drping. ape put it"it's
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[ ughter and applause ]good tng, right? [ laughter ] anyou, hillary clint, for sayinghi that we may have already been visiteby alie from space. and raising the question, if you're willing to say that out loud, what the hell were you hiding in those e-s? [ laughter ] [ cheers andppuse ] >> ste: aliens? >> jimmy: somethinwas in ere. >> steve: weird. >>imthis is the final thank u note f tonight. please welce frhe teationaspe ion, e ace oddity himself, astraut scotkey, ladies and gentlemen. sveyeah. [ cheers and alaus] >> j: w ol ithis? hoco is this? can i have some thank you c, james? >> jmy: veryice. >>hank you, livi ie
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excuse to clk no on facebook invites. laught ] [ eers andlaus >> jimmy: how greais that? >> steve: come on. [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: those are my thank you notes. my thank you to scott kelly, all the wafrom space. [ cheers and applause ] oh, i love him. we'll beight back wi tyler perry everybody!
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bran brdon inks hellmann's isven a. ecse ingredientcome from... farms committed responsibly urced oils... blended with ingrient like ce-ee eggs. mmean. real ingreen. that'sow we're workinto bring t best.thiss y' ng dicre asyo rd bunoo hard- ve stu to omro henrs sod ve hard.-i lite boxes, in e food stor little boxes filled with tickycky ltle boin the store little xes all same. some haveoodyes and rups and are made with preservatives so endp made of ticky tacky and we all feelusthe same.
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were never made witantiytacky? butits,ut a ss nlre food althe sa. there are o a a beon a purple one and a yellow one nd they're only made with real food, only realood all the same. little boxes, ithe food ore,
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labar.ood made from food. [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: oh, welcom our first guest this evenings onof the hardest worki performers in the world. he's an acr,riter, director, producer st-selliuthor, probably other things, too. his show "e haves and the have nots" is one of the mos popur cable ries on television. and you can see it tuesdays 9:00 p.m. on o. everyone, plea wco the multitalented ler perry, laes and gentlen!
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>> jimmy >> jimmy: love having you back on the sho >> are you kidding me? i love being here with you, n. >> jimmy: oh, you're the bes >> yh,ou're man crush.>> jimmy: i am? >> y're my manrush. man, jt love you. >>immyi'll say it right back. i love you >> thank you bro. thank you, thank you. >>immy: right back at you pal. we always talk about all sorts of fhings. but one thing i know that you do that i don't thk i know yo that does this, but you have a collection of beautiful remote conolplanes. >> yeah, little, tiny r.c. planes. it's pretty awesome. jimmy: ahlittley -- i have pture your newest -- >>y newest r. plane. little tiny plane. >> jimmyght, i want to talk about this 'cause, you know -- [ laughter ] >> ain't that crazy? >> jimmy: and th's a remote control plane? >> remote ntrol aius a380. i got it bad, man. it started offike nice little hobby. >> jmyye ye. >> now it's like cocaine. i can'stop. it's prett [ lahter ] >> j: like "narcos." >> yeah, right, complete
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complete "narcos." >> jimmy: complete "narcos >> love at show. >> jimmy: but where -- oh, yeah he's fantastic in it. t, where du fly it? >> i have a place in georgia that i fly it. >> jimmy: and it's legal? [ light laughter ] >> yeah, it's legal, bause it's under a certain weight. weight tbe legal. it g as far as you can see it. gonna say. you have to -- yook on an ipad or something to see where you're flying? >> no, you loo far as yo can see. if you'rwatcng it air, you don't nt to look at an ipad and flyhat. jimmy: no, no. >> so i'veot my te tching i the a to se hor it's gng. and i just ha i fly. i have so muc something happens, it hits a a tree ra meth i want to get more exciting news than geina plane. >> yes. >> jim: since i have last en you, you have a >> yyes. >> jimmy: congralations. >> yes. a 1-year-old. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. and so do u. jmy: ye, i do. >> i saw you have two. you have twoow. >> jimmy: i have babies. last time we talked about it, you you're b i said, "n" and you kind of ma fun of me. so, did you read books? >> and non it works. [ laughter ]
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how -- threw it all window, man. it does nothing. >> jimmy: it ds nothg. >> it d iterout there. just, this is have to len. you have the inf until you a asking a man to re directns. we don't want to do t >> jimmy: no you don't want to dot. doesn't happen. you this is not the way the ok is telling you. but, have you learned anything from hg a 1-ar-old baby? >>es, not buy toys with noise. [ laughter ] man, i'm telling you, those freakin'- >> jimmy: it i -- >> are you kidding me? jimmy: no, it's unbelievable. >> everything makes noise. i'm like, dude, we g to do something else her we can have you withll these toys that ke nse. when t batteries start to go dead, it'sry. cause if they sa it starts off -- i love you so happy and cheery,ight? >> jimmy: ye, yeah. t batteries start to go dead you ki it in t middle of thght. it goes, "i loathe you." [ laughter ] it's scary, man. >> jimmy: e del el. >> theevil elmo. >> jimmy: the devil possessed elmoike,e!" [ laughter ] >> right, right. tile me. >> "tickle me, bck man!" yeah. [ laught ] no, man. >> jimmy: "tickle me, black man,is not what it say tickle m black man >>ki your ass out of here,"
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you did not ssut, man. >>my: i want to talk about nots." >> yeah. >> jimmy: gianhit. >> huge hit on own. huge hitn own. >> jimmy: tuesda9:00. this esday's prre was tuesday night's number one show in all of cable. >> jimmyi mean, 's in. congratulaon that. >> thank you, ank [ cheers and applause ] >> jim: that's super cool. >> we're verhappy. we're very happy. >> jimmy: you work hard on that stuff. >> we work very hard. i write every isode myself. you ow, we're happy. oprah's happy. it's really great. >> jimmy: yeah. and oprah is the -also the godmothe your son. >>ea yeah. >>imdohe gnice gis? >> she gave the best gifts. her toys didn't ma noi. [ laughter ] but, but, but it ended ubeing a prlem. she gave me a basket of book for him. so bei the godmother, she me a basket of books that'll take him fm crib till off to college. so he has his own book club. >> jimmy: he does? >> it's lled "imman's book ub." >> jimmy: that's so great. >> yeah, but now he wants meo read erything to him in the basket. night. >> jimmy: so it is noise. >> it is noise yeah i love yo >> you know, that's me
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that'sy kid's favorite boo >> tickle me, black m >> jmy: absolutely. [ lahter ] >> oh, yeah. at's t h righthere. >> jimmy: that sething right? >> that's what we ne to do. read nursery rhymes. jimmy: we got to present that, right? >>hat's ghread nursery rhymes. our own books that we invented for oukids. mine is going to be called, "tickle me black man." >> jimmy: ye, ah, yeah. >> yeah, you got to come up >> yeah, ye. "daddy, st it's going to be gr [ laughter ] >> "ddy, what was th noise i heard ming out of the [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, that's a gd book. that's good book too. every time - >> this could go on for hours, you know. jimmy: i know i ow. almost t long. i'm going to getut of it. >> especiay if it in the bedroom it go for a lg, , ng time. >> jimmyin some case yeah. as youai [ laughter ] [ applause ] short ory. >> short story. short story. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. it's not a picture book, thank goodness. >> no, no. [ laughter ] see where i take it. jimmy: evertime you come on, always -- we do remote controls, and do something like tha but toght,t switch it up. >>kay. >> jimmy: i wa to test your singing skills. >> i swant you to do that
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cae i w adam levin i saw -- all these people. ariana grand she was kling it in this chair. i'm thinking, why e he doesn't he ask me to sing sothin i don't have to know key i n't have to have a great voice. [ chee and applause ] t's do it. we're gog to sin >> jimmy: tyleperry and i ar playg pithe micrhone" with surprise guests wn we comeaceverybody! [ chrsnd applause ] wassup? i'm hannibal i'm gonna us samsung pay to get a katz'seli pastra sanic ats employees) hey!!! hey what's up? hey n paywithy phe? yomean like apple pay? weon't got that. no like samsung pay. kind of works everywhere. even on this janky old thg. he wants to pay with his phone. whadda ya want hannibal? want to pay with my phone. dot look at the meras mike. you ready? it doesn't work. watch me.
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samsung y is here an pret mh everywhere else. adventures fro$599 plus up to $300 to spend at sea. come sk throyacaribbean.
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thnry's gile a refdsyo-dr rage-p yready
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[ chrsnd applaus jimmy: welcome back to th show, erody. i ere with the sup taleed aor, direor -- singer! >> jimmy: produc -- >> sinr! >> jimmy: superm - >>inger! >>my: ler perry, there, ladied ntlemen. [ chee and applae ]and we're ing toind ouif we candd singer to that because weg a cled "s miop." beforee begin, wre going t et two more people to play with us. , pleaseelcome to the stage thstars of "brd city" on comedy central ilana glazer and abbi jacobson. [ cheers andpplause >> jimmy >> jimmy: get ready. thank you, thank you. i love you guys. thank you, thank you for being here. [ cheers ] ok. no here's how the game works it basally a mical rsn sn the bottle. e of us willn the microphone. whoever it lands on will have to sing a song selected for them at random. >> what if you don't know it? >> jimmy: if you don't know it, thatakest more fun. >> makes it fun. [ laughter ]
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d st go for yourest. try best. if the mic lands on you twice, you can choose to have someone else sing the song for y if you want. >> what if it lands on you on? can i oose to have somne- [ lit laught ] >> jimmyno, that's not- u have to sing. now, everyone take you sitions. ree e nna start.isgog e fun. all rit, he we g e m the host, i'm goin to spin fit,ll right? >> of course, you're the host. >> jimmy: that right. here we .all right. come on, comon, come on. no whammies. no whaies. no whammies. no, yes! not going to be me. [ light laughter ] congratulations. congratulaon >> y know, i love going first. jimmy: you love goingirst >> love it. >> jim's the best thing. you feel so comftable. [ laughter ] jimmylet's e what sg you're going to doirst. >> oh, my d. >> this -- oh. >> jimmy: "i don't want to it" by paula cole. the theme from "dawson's creek." >> dit. chee a applause ] >> jimmy: here we go. go ovethere. >> let's do it. let's dot. >> jimmy: there you go ots, wnever you're ready, roots. >>eah, girl. jimmy: yeah, there we go. >> wow. >> jimmy: oh, wow. a ballad. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah.
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that'she way paula d it. she would hint -- open up your morning light y a little prar for you know thaife are to stay ave see t peace in every eye do do do do doo do do doo o do >>im: wson shead twoabie one was months one was thre inhe w4 yeah don't want to wait for r lives e er i want to knowight now wil be ll it be d't want to wait for our liveto be over it llt yrwill it be sorry [ a applae ] >> jmy: that's like seeing paula cole --
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>> jimmy: yeah, live right there. that was a treat right there. me on. >> that was great paula abdul. that was great. [ light laughter ] [ laughter >> jim: all right. since u just went, you can spin. it's yr rn to spin. great job. your turn abbi. >> jimmy: come on, come on. nommies. >>on abbala. light laughter >> jimmyabbala>> it's gonngoor while. >> hwe go. >>h. [ cheendlause ] >>immy: ye, yeah, , yeah, yeahyeahye, yeah let's e what song --et's see song you'll be peorming for us. the weeknd. "i can't feemy face." >> that's high. >> jimmy: that's a hignoteright ther >> ts a hi sg. high not you guys got to brg me in. >> jimmy: greaso. great ng [ cheers and applause ] a i know you'll be the death ofeat least we' b numb and sl alwa get be of me the rst iset to co ut at lewe'll th
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veyoung this iw this i know hed don't worry about she to me n't rryno >> t high. he told ou'l never be withoutt told myou'll never alone ian't fl my face when'mith but love it bui lo it i can't feel my face when i'm wh you dke b lovit o e dre. bit chrs and applause you you used alme >> jimmy: you drake'd it. [ light laughter ] you drake'd it. >> thank you, thank you very much. thank thank you. >> jimmy: that's the drake remix. that was fantast. >> nt me we'll drop the
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[ boing ] what washat? >> jimmyyou know what th sod means. >> no, i don't. ll me please q. hter ] jimwas that you >> thought it was you. >> jimmy: 's a very exciting performance. it's time for thduound that's right. so whoeverhe microphone lands onhitime gets to choose a a partneto sing with them, okay? i get tspin it? jim: u get to spin [ laughter ] ithat f >> jimmy: let's go. les do it. wh's the song? let's see what song weot first, sorry. [ audience ooh] we can do it. i know thione. >> you got it. >> jimmy: be b devoe. i don't know the bell biv part, but ow tevoe pt pretty well. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applaus g l i mustyo i e sothing ngin
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let's re it 'causee're running t ime ecit out t's dring me out of my nd that's whys ha me to nd get out of my head miss her kiss her love her wrg move you're dead that girl is poisonnevenever trusa bi d a ilethat gl is pn [ eers a applause ] >> jimmy >> jimmy: can we do one more? >> killer, kler. hey, kr. jmy: that w ftaic. come on, pal. >>iller. nevetrust a g tt and a a e. >> j: 'sy partne come on, that's ptner. here we go. re we go. i'inning. and yeah >> con. >> jmy: congralaons. >> so ve tdo a dt wi so >>immy: ah >> cool. me and you.
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never trust big bu and a a smile. what are we ing? >> jimmy: all right, what's th song? what song e we doing? [ laught ] chrs andpplause ] >> i think'm gng to pass o is o >> jimmy: you can't pass o is one. >>ou dhigh.i' de ss p tre's aoyno he's thene i'm dreing into my eyetae to the clouds abov h wilknow don't t your feengs how will i kno how will i know how wi kw howill i know he -- >> jimmy: givet up, evybody, right here. that's all the time he
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my thanks to tyler perry, abbiacson, ilanalaze ick arou. ightacwiwaer moura, eryby. ch and applaus] thmicrosoft cloud allows us to access infortion fromnywhere. the croft cloud allowsuso scalup. microft cld changes oud dramatically. it wasn't too ng ago it wod ke twoo sequce and analyze a nome. now, we can do a hundred per day. with the microsoft cloud we d't have touild servero we have instant scale. e crosoft cloud helping us to re-build and re-interpret our business. this cloud helps transrm busiss.
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[ cheers and appus immy: oh, you guys readyfor r nextuest?[ appuse ot iete? cai get a me our next guest recently rn a golden globe nomination r his roles blo escobar in iticallycclaed seriesrc ich currtlairs on tflix. la andentl, pl lcwa m! [ eers and appla jimmy:
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jimmy: waer. thank you so much for being on e show. >>ud you kdi me? so gd toe here. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: i'm gladi'm happy that you're happy toe here. this is ea yeah. that was -- was thatcting? >> no, no. jim: oh, ok. for a secondi thout you went to a rk pce. >> jesus christ, no. nono. >> jimmyth is good. everything's cool. >> comon, no. >> jimmy: no i know -- you still, do you live in brazil? i do. i live irio.have been e? >> jimmyno. i've just seen - >> thank y [ chrspplaus] >> jimwellowwoeople fr -- >> blians nearby >> jimmy: we only allow tw brazilians to each show. [ laughter ] >> iw. >> jimmy: nbc thing, sorry. gearing up for the olympics, yeah. here youre now. your wa you went to las vegas for the rst time. >> yh. jimmy: i got to know for the first time, what was the expeence like? did you enjoy , was it odd i didn't understand it. >> jim: no. >> i'm still like tryingo figure it out. 's like really different. >> jimmy: yeah ght laughter ] >> i tried to gamble atle,
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rus. j: yodon't mb. they don't have gamblingn >> it's forbidden. >> yea >>immy: oh, i didn't know >> it is. jim: so, u dithe laughter ] the forbidn dae. you d the forbiddance. >> forbidd t. didn'wol fo. jim: what d yo? the easie one w the blkjack, right? the 21. jimmy: yeah, guess so. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: you didn't understand - >> iried, and my friends, theyad thelp me ou e ju could you have thesehis too with yr halike this d is. [ uger ] >> j: u don't wa. none waves. >>nd i was tg to be co. >> jimlike driving. >> ididn'tk rely well. they'rlike, "do e thing. >> jimmywaving. yeah yolo money. >> i lost 60 bucks. [ laughter
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in ameca -- no, no, . in america, that'sn appetizer. inmeri, at's an e-bouche that not even galing there. >> i didn't want to go furer. >> jimmy: you with the amount of money you nt to lo. >> but i didomething really there. becae i've been --'m maie but i ner got rrd. i veeeling with myife fo y. >> jimmy: ye. >> we havehree kids. and er got med like proply >> jimmy: oh. >> so i was ke, maybe this is -- [ laughter >> jmybaidea. thiss a bad idea this ian awful idea. so, i thought, ey said it kinool there, elvis presley thin-- [ ughter >> jimmy: plse. ohno. want to talko your wif >> so i oposed. jim: you oposed to your wi >> yeah. >> jimmy: did she say yes? >> no. [ lahter ] >> jmy: she said, "no." >> sheaid o." she said, "are you rulou n'"-- [ lauger ] >> jimmy: we're t having elvis marry us
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yeah >> jimmy: yeah, good. l righ well at leasyot it out o e way. you proposed and she said "no." >> she said "n" >> jimmy: so that's perfect. yeah, so at least yoha a good relationship. you ha it figured out. [ laughter youon't get married. she said "n" ye. >>immy: i'm soappy - she refused. [ light lauger ] jimyou know hpens. look, sometimes u have a a match, andometim ye rried for 15 yrs and not really mried. and itappens. >> that's what i tnk, o. >>immy: i want to talk about "narcos," because,ongrats the goldenlobe nomination. >> thank you. >> jmy: of course you're nna get nominated.[ cheers a applause ] o great. u'reo grt. thank you >> jimmyi wasn'tiliar with you as an actor, which i shou have been, but -- w n'gebrilianen the ited stes. [ light laughter ] in mehol but iched this thing, and as soon as i saw yo i go, "who is this gu" u looked unbelievae. you mustlwayspeak spanish. >> it was the craziest thing, beuse thfirst idea w to do it in elish and i thghthat could speak english with an cent.
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>> jimmy: how d you get -- 's hard,eah. yeahhodid that cast you? >> i thi ts is the most, i mean, this is a big case of miscasting. >> jimmy: ye, it is, yeah. >> one of the biggest scng >> jimmy: totalldisagree. you d not know howo speak spanish? >> i was super skinny. i meani was 40 pound ghter. and i didn speak a word of anish. so wn ey dided to do it, i walike, "these guyar crazy." >>immy: u're playing paescor. you ha tlook like atuy. yocat have aew charact, i'mablo escobar, and how's it going? [ laughter and applause ] anyou y coine? [ laughter ] what'sng on?" ke, no, he's a real person. >>hat i d ilew myself, even before net --etflix didn't even kn i was being coidered to pl t part. but i flew myself toedellin,
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and i t myself in the university, in a spani crse for foreners so i was in s th janeseee. [ light laught ] >> jimmy: how azy that. how much weighdid u ? >> 40 un.>> jimmywow. >> which it's li bein school. learning things and ti delicious foods. lahter ] >> jimmy: wagnra, everody. season one of "ns" is currentlavailablon nix. iza sing pforms stand-up for us next. stk around, everybody. ch and appuse ] jamedr james drove his rav4ybrid, unaware death was lurking. what? he was chaenged by a team ofumberjacks. let's dohis. he wou drivehem to hard knocks canyon, where he would risk broken legs, losi lim, and slippingnd dying. not helpg. but death would have twait. jamele with newfound knowledge, a man's gratitude, and his sh
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toyota. let's place thiss henry'rd orang iticious, refreshind easy to drink rd sod but not too hard you' got sff to doomorro hey's rd sod live har..-ish ve smoked a lot and quit a lot, but ended nowhe now i use this. the nicoderm cq patch, with unie teedrelease technology, hes prevent thurge to ske allay. i nt this time to be my last me that's why i choose nico cq. degree motionsense is the wos first odoranactivatebymovement. as y move, fragrance caples burst to relse ereshne aly. mosens pteto moving.
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thst tr ita is the one y cate.at ove garden. ,, ar, why don't we switch to directv? now mother, we are settler i' settled for cable a my life. buctv beenumr ein cr satisfaction over cable for 15 years. find our tisfacti elsewh e boy has his stick and hoop. the girl -er faceless doll. and you ve your cabbages. you...have your ot stomping. i sure do.
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call 1-8-dirtv.,,,,,,,,,,, [ chee a appla] >>im: welce back rrted. i'm sorry. the macarena is not the foidden nce. [ laug ] 'she lambata i was thinking out. is i--ut ts, hever, fdd in my house. [ lahter ] not allowed to do . gu, chec out nt we. donald tru, kevin ha, danny devito, hillary clinton, d romano will all be he on our show. [ chee and applause ] so please us. we're joined right now by a very fun comedian. february 5th u can see her
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in connecticut.pleacomeacto t silerer cheers andus] thank you. ank you.th iim "thnighow."and haou[ chrsuse the time wahe, i told ahed of t rtgobl. anr thosof y that dot , party gn is a a l creature tlives in thckurin. resor a orec m whou're drun [ ght laught she'thback tre eat th sandwich out of gaaglauger text y-biend tyou love him then turn your phe off.know is party goin that the ma in wa ue neor. i ank soothe ght, spt f 15 hos. slepsoong, i aost died.[ laht ]
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arnd 2 wy ul was lishldt go?laer d u kn is p blhagot you en wake ue xt morning a t thg t ofouuth go i'sorr" lithouw.[ er i ta a a d thatecse m in aot were generation ofnks becausre thest. [ cheers ] yes. wee e llenni wees cheend appuse eat. go job, gu. weentitled. we're la, t? i n't wa t aintern. i sto likelofrom a toilet.[ ug ]and ke a lf monedoing . t the h isweerit is sit from dparen rted ts entihe h l soour grandp h t fi a w h noi. ay. thchoi. it le todae
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t onow,ikit o ce [ lauganar hado ch. there drd.theyere ig up te ouandpome inls inaw hwant lihem. l rapa wand to do have a life, hava familybe like a littlcist, vee eram [ laug it's like -- they came -thame , theyotight to rk. it's notike . one'sndpa came home and was ke, i justant to ckpa arod oregon fin lf. rs a a norandhome f helping onroines and was juike, i jt make jew a ba rmaid. [ laug ] i thinthe ck - snucme inth we mta cifuy apprte at ty ntribuus noth're old.ri
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ink eye cu., my god, causey'rti, rink er ye, put on, thedolikeitri aniter you aree greateceherethat you' assigned ke aei kittikck tyour granat [ lauger not st grapa a'sth-n. applause ] is imyippersis is p-p ohmy gyou guysuble p. he so cute amyop. . times at c pip faasle, lik decore m with christmasws. lahter sillpipo pip kil [ hter chrs andlae show some reecto p. th atronneti.r tions ng. d wogegarbe en t s becre ev pstng. whh nly sthat he com to fendg your. women ar'tvephysicly rong. welyhycally
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is t faci coul if i chose, push small man being through myina. [ ught ] i lack t uppy th te 20 pups.th ianht ] rsndppe n have n ve song bee put u a 's hd be a i enuyn like a a wh uger ] h withstaot cricism. righno matter sme, o complis a n,ur okare alwaysopf diussir di caonly thinkrom the pectivof an uppemile ass ite man, but bng as beeexpef fowatoo gaunt theoint oextinc ine ndinre it like,hat up, bis, e, rig la ] it's hard. asn't until the last 30ea thawome cor d n ofththciro tprcend mad ci accepble toav bo of a grown woman. je lez ce on to th
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a brsaurus.que so? ught plau d it bece xy. womel taket. ite us. blk ns sf esteey w-- can tell r ant r, she won't b you 'lta ias wirth'rn't youhair. hon fiit chad? [ lahter ]se don't get outf the kayak. teter th yon't likeomhingut fiof all, dare y. laught ] shwot y it. ike, i donike jeans. be ke, [ eep seyoinhterthanyoso ch and appuse ] >> immymy ilshle r t. chrsndlaus] come on. car at t m sun
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