tv The Late Show With Stephen Colbert CBS December 2, 2015 11:35pm-12:38am PST
featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now it's time for "the late show with stephen colbert." ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome to the show, everybody. thank you so much for being here. thank you, jon. thank you, stay human. >> stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: thanks so much, everybody. >> stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: thank you. >> stephen, stephen, stephen! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: thank you. thanks, everybody. thanks, everybody, in here, out there, all around the world, thanks for being here tonight. welcome to the late show. i'm stephen colbert. i hope you had a good weekend, though given what is going on in the world, that's a tall order. i wanted to start my show tonight by once again offering our thoughts and prayers to the people of paris. new york is a city that sadly
knows too well the horror the french experienced on friday. and we also know there are no words that can reach the depths of their grief and their shock. but we stand with the people of france as a friend and an ally and offer the hope that there is a way through the unspeakable tragedy. and also let's take the opportunity to thank france for what they've done for us. they've given the united states so much over the years, aid to general washington in our fight for independence. key intelligence on how to put potatoes in boiling oil. my favorite way of kissing. ( laughter ) half the continent at a bargain price; no take-backs, guys. and most importantly, france gave america our enduring symbol of freedom. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: and we use-- yes, thank you, thank you. because we have used that freedom to make foam versions of it for drunk people to wear on new year's eve. and today in a tribute to its
mother country, lady liberty offered isis a fitting gesture. ( cheers and applause ) in fact-- yeah. long may it wave. in fact, all over the world this weekend there were displays of support for the french. on the sydney opera house, rio's christ the redeemer and the paris las vegas hotel dimmed their eiffel tower lights. while some say these gestures don't actually do anything, but i disagree. people are trying to find anyway they can to show support, however small, to the people of france. for instance, twitter was deluged with statements of support from #prayforparis. to messages like, "in support of what is happening in paris, my wife and i are watching #ratatouille." and, "watching ratatouille to honor all the citizens of paris." is that wrong? no. ( laughter )
is ratatouille a french film? no. is it a valid expression? absolutely, because watching a cartoon parisian rat make soup is certainly as valid as anything i will say tonight, i promise you that. so, to everybody-- if it makes you feel a connection to the people of paris, go drink a bottle of bordeaux, eat a croissant at au bon pain. slap on a beret and smoke a cigarette like this. go eat some french fries which i am now calling freedom fries in honor of the french people, because anything-- ( applause ) anything, anything that is an attempt at human connection in the world right now is positive. did you get up this morning and not try to kill someone? then you're on the right side. ( laughter ) because who knows what to do. look at me. tonight i have acro-cats on the show.
( applause ) they're amazing. they're the amazing acrobatic cats. they were already booked, okay. we had already booked them. and we considered canceling. we asked ourselves, is tonight an appropriate time for acro-cats? and then we asked a bigger question. is there ever an appropriate time for acro-cats? no, there is not. ( applause ) so we said absolutely, let's have them on. because i tell you what, i don't think isis would like acro-cats. i don't. they're cute and they're silly, two things isis hates. in fact, the only thing that they have in common with isis is that they are a bunch of pussies. ( cheers and applause ) so--
so what does the world do now? president hollande has vowed that france will fight isis, "without a respite, without a truce... it is not a question of containing but of destroying this organization." harsh, aggressive words. but i bet they still sound like sex in french. ( laughter ) and to destroy isis, hollande has said that he will form a big, unified coalition. but today, president obama said it would be a mistake for the united states to send troops to syria. so the international community agrees on two things: one, the only way to wipe out isis is to send in ground troops. and two, not it. ( laughter ) instead, president obama is focused on air strikes, and has also declared a war of words. >> president obama referred to isis several times as daesh, that is a derogatory term for the group in arabic. >> we will redouble our efforts working with other members of the coalition to bring about a
peaceful transition in syria. and to eliminate daesh. >> daesh. daesh. >> stephen: yes, obama is now calling isis, daesh, which is an acronym in arabic that isis considers an insult. mr. president, as long as you are calling them daesh, why not go all the way and call them "douche?" that works in every language. ( applause ) but friday's events-- friday's events have clearly changed the president's thinking on one thing. look at obama and putin huddling close in a hotel lobby during the g-20. there is nothing like sociopathic terrorists to really make you appreciate the friendship of a sociopathic dictator. in fact, isis has managed to bring the whole world together. the u.s., russia, western europe, iran and china have all condemned isis. the last thing that so much of humanity agreed on, this much, was that none of us would go see
"the fantastic four." but-- ( laughter ) but the strongest call for an attack on isis comes from the world's leading expert on isis, isis. because according to their literature, isis believes the armies of rome will meet the armies of islam in northern syria, which will initiate the apocalypse. so, good news for everyone who had late november in the end-of- the-world office pool. and it might sound crazy but remember, in the town of megiddo is where revelations says the battle of armageddon is going to be fought, and it's only 90 miles from damascus. i learned that from the most disturbing snapple cap ever printed. ( laughter ) but, with all the fear gripping the world, and we seem to be hurtling toward war, we can always look to the pope for a message of peace. >> pope francis saying, the attacks were part of the third world war.
>> stephen: great, thanks, frank. you're not helping. here to hopefully tell me why the pope is fallible on this one, is nbc military analyst and congressional medal of honor recipient colonel jack jacobs. colonel, thanks so much for being here. ( applause ) so it seems like all the great powers say there has to be military action against isis on a greater scale. what has happened so far in response to the attacks in paris? >> well, actually, not a lot. i mean, there are a few more air strikes. everybody is decided that something has to be done. but at the end of the day, really nothing significant will be done because it is not possible to knock these guys out, unless we're willing to commit a large number of troops to the ground. >> stephen: how many troops do we have to put on the ground? >> several hundreds of thousands and for a long time. this is time sensitive too. it will take a decade, two decades.
and we're not going to do it, and we can't get the people in the region to do it, even though they have an interest in making sure it is done. >> stephen: why can't-- okay, if it is several hundred thousand people, obviously it seems like a coalition would be the answer there, so not one country, because so many countries have an interest. and so many countries have been attacked by isis at this point. why don't the regional powers there want to do anything about it? why not saudi arabia, why not iran? >> they're at each other's throats. saudi arabia and iran are duking it out for domination and influence in the area. so they are not going to coalesce on anything. as a matter of fact, if you throw turkey in the mix, saudi arabia, turkey and iran, very powerful armed forces. very, very good air forces. so right now who's bombing raqqa: the united states and france. there's an argument that says we ought to just shut up and forget about trying to unseat despotic blood-thirsty despots, because in the past, they have kept the place together.
>> stephen: well, certainly we're in bed with a lot of blood thirsty despots, for awhile. and then we got out of that business. and over through saddam hussein, would isis exist if saddam was still in power? >> i think not. i think it is an outgrowth of that. these are sunni apocalyptic people who are waiting for the-- not waiting for the end of the world. they are hurtling toward it and they want to bring everyone with them. >> stephen: so, if you had control of our armed forces and our strategy, what should the united states be doing right now, to try to destroy isis? because, one of the things about this, they have nothing to negotiate, right? they're not looking for anything from us. >> no, no, they're not-- everything is non-negotiable. they want to you die, and they want to die themselves; it is just a matter of time. >> stephen: so how do we give that to them? >> well, we can do it. ( applause ) >> there are a couple of things to consider here. the first is, you are not going to be able to do it by dropping conventional bombs on people and
militarily, the only purpose for bombs is to pave the way for people on the ground to seize and hold terrain long enough to create an environment in which there can be a real government to take out the trash, and do all the-- and we're not doing it. and it takes a quarter of a million people to do it, probably just in syria. >> stephen: any good news, colonel? >> well, i stayed at a holiday inn last night. ( applause ). >> stephen: colonel jack jacobs, thank you, sir. we'll be right back. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
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>> stephen: thanks for coming on. >> i like that-- is that a colonel or a general that you just had on? >> stephen: that was a colonel. colonel. >> i thought he was a gen-- we should give him a promotion. >> stephen: really? >> because i think he was saying some-- . ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: it's sobering. it's sobering, but jack jacobs, he tells it like it is. >> yeah, you don't hear that a lot. you hear a lot, especially from the republicans, that, you know- ( laughter ) just the name gets a laugh. >> stephen: uh-huh. >> that you know, we need to wipe them out-- . >> stephen: that's a laugh again. >> yeah, you used to be a republican, didn't you? >> stephen: i don't know what you're talking about. i've always worked here. yes. no, the republicans don't talk quite as sharply as that. >> well, they talk about wiping them out. >> stephen: right, yeah, cruz i believe, actually said, you know... >> i would wipe them out. >> stephen: wipe them out completely, basically turn the desert into glass, yeah. >> because they would give up to him, because he is a chickenhawk with a law degree.
it's-- it's-- that's crazy. and i mean, just the idea that you can "wipe them out." this is the old vietnam model, body counts. remember vietnam? we had-- >> stephen: i don't, bill, i'm much younger than that. ( laughter ) i don't know-- who is this? who is this nixon you speak of, bill? >> yeah, yeah, probably a guy you voted for. anyway, but you can't wipe people out, off the map. that's not going to happen. what you have to do is wipe out the idea. it would be one thing if the terrorists did not share ideas with lots of mainstream people who follow the islamic religion. but they do. unfortunately, if i said to you, "well, if only isis believed that 'anyone who leaves the religion should be killed,' well, maybe then we can finally kill all of isis." but what if that is 20, 30, 40% of all muslim people in the world?
you're not going to kill all of them, are you? >> stephen: well, uh, yeah, i'm not going to kill any of them, bill. >> great. we have to change those ideas: women as second class citizens; gay people don't deserve to be alive. these are mainstream ideas, unfortunately. ( cheers and applause ) >> and liberals have to say no quarter-- >> stephen: no quarter. >> no quarter for those kind of ideas. >> stephen: stick around for another round of this. i want to talk about some more ideas with bill maher. >> oh, ideas, i love it. >> stephen: okay, we'll be right back with more ideas with bill maher. ( applause ) ♪ ♪ ♪oh-oh it's you, hey you. the nba is back on twitter. ♪ porzingis, wow! [bell] ♪ [static] ♪well you. [camera sound] ♪
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politics or religion. have you ever been invited to a dinner party in your life? ( laughs ) are there things you won't talk about? >> i probably wouldn't be invited to your dinner party, because we're very opposite. >> stephen: really, how so? >> well, like... >> stephen: how are we opposite? really? >> you're married and religious. >> stephen: yeah, i'm married and i give religion a shot. yeah, i give it a shot. >> oh, i thought you were a practicing catholic. >> stephen: i am. doesn't mean i'm good at it. ( laughter ) honest to god. i'm not! honest to god. i suck. i suck as a catholic. doesn't mean i don't keep doing- you-- you were raised catholic. >> i was raised catholic. >> stephen: come on back, bill. ( laughter ) the door is always open! golden ticket right before you, all you have to do is humble yourself before the presence of the lord, admit there are things greater than you in the universe that you do not understand. and salvation awaits you. take pascal's wager: if you are wrong, you are an idiot, but if i'm right, you're going to hell. ( laughter )
>> i do admit there are things in the universe i don't understand. >> stephen: okay. >> but my response to that is not to make up silly stories. ( applause ) >> stephen: they're pretty good stories, some are pretty good stories, bill. >> or to believe intellectually embarrassing myths from the bronze age, but you believe whatever you want. >> stephen: well, yeah, i mean i have a connection to our ancestors because i-- i-- >> sure. >> stephen: yeah, sure, because i-- >> these were men who did not know what a germ or an atom was, or where the sun went at night, and that is where you are getting your wisdom. ( cheers and applause ) anyway, let's not-- let's not-- >> stephen: i like it. >> let's not argue. >> stephen: i like it. i could eat a big bowl of this. this is good. it's tasty. you see, my religion teaches me humility in the face of this kind of attack. >> i see this. you brought it up. >> stephen: no, i did not bring anything up. >> you gave me a big lecture on, come back to the church. >> stephen: i did not give-- i gave you an invitation. a lecture? it's an invitation. what are you talking about? this guy gave me a huge lecture about going to dinner.
( laughter ) i will eat what i want, thank you. i will eat what i want. italian, italian food. how dare you! >> i've had more inviting invitations. but okay. >> stephen: hbo, what is, like, the benefit of doing your show over there? what can you do over there that i can't do, other than all the [bleep] talk, what are you saying? don't you-- don't you want to sell beer and cars to people, bill? >> i did for nine years. >> stephen: oh, that's right. >> i had a show called "politically incorrect." >> stephen: i know, great show. >> thank you. for nine years. ( applause ) and, uh, some of the older people remember it. it was-- it was way back in the '90s. it started the whole movement toward, you know, talk shows that talked about politics. some people picked up on that. ( laughter ) >> stephen: how do you keep, sort of, interested and engaged in politics over all the years? >> it's so easy because there's something new every week. >> stephen: the material comes to you. >> everything in my act is not something i was talking about a year ago. a year ago we didn't even know who dr. ben carson was.
and now we have this guy who is somehow a brain surgeon and a head case. i-- i-- i-- ( laughter ) >> stephen: you've said-- i like the hand movements. i like his hand movements. i like how he talks like this, i, kind of-- like this. he moves his arms like a tyrannosaurus rex. i don't know how he actually did the surgery, this is how he moves his hands. >> i know, i'm beginning to think he never really was a brain surgeon. i mean, i think he maybe did a boob job here or there. but i mean, none of what this guy says turns out to be totally true. >> stephen: i heard you said you actually like the longer political season now. you used to hate it, but now you like it. >> i did. that is one of the great things about not being a politician, you can change your mind, and people don't say you are a flip flopper. >> stephen: right. >> i used to say for years that we should have shorter election cycles like the british do, five weeks. no, absolutely not. americans are slow and dim and dumb. and they need extra time.
extra time. >> stephen: really? >> yes, because if donald trump, if we had a two-month election cycle, they would have elected trump already. >> stephen: wait a second, wait a second. >> don't interrupt me. >> stephen: okay go ahead, no, no, no, go ahead. >> you sure? >> stephen: yeah. >> boy, this guy gets to my ( bleep ) ( laughter ) because yes, look, donald trump, for the first couple of months people were enamored with him. now they have seen his shtick enough times. he's got like two things. me build wall. me great. and now it's wearing off. >> stephen: he's not tarzan. >> that's what-- >> stephen: he's not tarzan. >> yeah, he is. >> stephen: i hate to tell you, bill, but the latest ipsos reuters poll has him at 42% among likely republican voters, baby doll. >> maybe. but we've got another year to go, sweetheart.
>> stephen: no! not till iowa. not till iowa. it's thanksgiving next week. >> so what? but that's not the election. the election is a year away. >> stephen: noooo. >> the election-- >> stephen: i can't wait to come back here and serve you a bowl of trump, when he actually wins in iowa and wins in new hampshire, and wins south carolina. >> steve-- >> stephen: steve? who's steve? who the ( bleep ) is steve? >> oh. ( applause ) >> stephen: are you-- are you my third grade teacher? >> but-- it's-- there's an analogy that might help-- it be understandable.
you know, it's-- ( laughter ) it's all good. >> stephen: it's okay, they turned off the cameras like five minutes ago. they cut the feed. >> oh, well. >> stephen: go ahead, go ahead. and then-- i mean you realize the first ( bleep ) donald trump. ( bleep ) this, the ( bleep ) is this? get out of here. get me ben carson. he's got the nice hands. i don't know what we're going to
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welcome. captain, thank you for being here. thank you for being here. >> thank you for having me here. >> stephen: you are the tenth living service member from afghanistan to be awarded the medal of honor, which is the highest award for battlefield bravery. you tackled a suicide bomber, and pulled him away from a security detail that you were on in afghanistan. can you tell us a little bit more about what happened that day? >> yeah, it was august 8th, 2012 i was in charge of a personal security detail for, at-the-time colonel mingus. and we were in eastern province of kunar, afghanistan. we were going over for a security meeting, when my team and i were-- encountered two motorcyclists coming towards us. which was unusual. so the a.n.a.-- afghan national army, actually did a good job of pointing the rifles, and yelling at them.
>> stephen: these guys were on the road ahead of you. >> right in front of us. once the motorcycles were there, they dismounted and started running away. i turned to my left, there was a guy, came out of nowhere, walking backwards, parallel to our patrol and so he was a threat, at this point. >> stephen: walking backwards? >> walking backwards. he does a 180, and as soon as he does a 180 he cuts towards us. so that is when i left my position. he followed me and you know, you just react. and my job is to protect the boss, and protect the v.i.p.s, and so he was a threat. you have to assess the threat. i hit him with my rifle, grabbed him by the suicide vest. >> stephen: and when did you know he had a suicide vest on? >> when i hit him. that is when i knew. because i felt it. i took my rifle and hit him. at that point i'm like okay, this is real. so the only thing you got to do in this case is to try to get him away as far as possible from the boss because you know he's dangerous. so you know, you just react.
and, grabbed him, threw him, which he detonated at our feet. >> stephen: and we've just seen attacks in paris and suicide vests have been used there. and suicide vests have been used all around the world. where did you find it in you to grab someone that you knew was wearing a deadly weapon and drag him away, knowing it could detonate? >> it is just the way we are, the way we are designed, the way we train, the way we love each other. you know, it's brotherhood. it was real easy for me to do anything out there for my guys, especially with colonel mingus, who i considered like a second father to me. he mentored me, and so did command sergeant griffin, so at this point if are you out there every day, you train for years, you live together. you go through a lot of crazy things together. and you are willing to do anything for these guys. ( applause ) >> stephen: uh, 28-- there were 28 people on that patrol that day.
24 of them survived. four people did not. i believe their pictures are right here. we have command sergeant major kevin griffin, major tom kennedy, major david gray, and ragaei abdelfattah, a u.s. aid foreign service officer. do you think of those people? are they always on your mind, the ones that didn't make it? >> every day. i have this bracelet here as you can see. i will show it to you, if you want to look at it. and on this bracelet you have command sergeant griffin, major gray, major kennedy, all four i.d. and i wake up every morning and i think about them. i wake up-- i go to sleep every night, i think about them. i just want to make sure that-- you know, i was given a second chance. and i would do everything and give back everything, to have them back. i would trade places with them. at any second. so my-- my goal in life is to remember them and, you know, speak about them, like you are doing, which i'm so grateful, so
grateful. and-- and be a better person because i get to live for them, and for the rest of my life, they are, every single day they are going to be next to me, they are going to be supporting me. and i will make sure that i do my best to honor them and their family. >> stephen: when did you know-- ( applause ) >> stephen: when did you know that you were going to survive? i assume you were knocked out by the blast. >> i was. i was knocked out by the blast. i was thrown about 15 to 20 feet. so i came back to it about a couple of minutes later. and, you know, i was in shock. so you kind of-- it comes back to you and are you there laying on the ground. and i had an assault back, which is a backpack that was, you know, keeping me up a little bit. and i saw my leg and i realized that i was probably going to lose it. so at that point i just, you know, i assessed the situation, more wounds. and i looked at my leg. i thought i must have stepped on an i.e.d. so that means that this is probably an ambush and there is going to be small arms fire coming up next.
so i looked for my rifle, couldn't find it, took my pistol out, made sure it was a round in, you know, lock and loaded, and if anybody came i would do my best to shoot them but that i had to get out of the kill zone, so i started dragging myself. but i was losing a lot of blood. and the reason i made it is because sergeant brinks ran, picked me up, grabbed me by the panama plate carrier, dropped me to a ditch where my medic with a torn p.c.l./a.c.l. worked on me and gave me a tourniquet and kept me alive. >> stephen: i understand you were medivaced to germany and when you woke up, you thought that the person speaking to you at your bedside, who was a nurse, i understand, or a doctor, you thought that it was the lead singer of korn. ( laughter ) this is what you thought you were seeing when you woke up. what are the sanitary standards in german hospitals? ( laughter ) because that would terrify me if i saw that. did you-- you actually thought were you looking at the lead singer of korn? >> it was him! it was-- it was him.
"washington post," you know, did this story and he remembers the day. he was doing a-- they were up there in landstuhl doing a concert for the troops. >> stephen: wait, it was the lead singer of korn? >> yeah, yeah! ( applause ) we're like best friends. >> stephen: wow. one last thing, i understand that you were born in france. >> yes. >> stephen: and that you speak french. >> yes. >> stephen: is there anything you would like to say to the people of paris. >> yes, you know, i will say it in french if that's okay? ( speaking french ) >> stephen: captain, thank you for your service and thank you for sharing your story with us. >> thank you for having me here. >> stephen: thank you for being here. captain florent groberg, medal of honor recipient. we'll be right back. ( applause ) ♪ ♪
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i get to hug you because we're from the same hometown. >> charleston, south carolina. >> stephen: exactly. grew up right around the corner from each other. south battery? >> part of the time, i upgraded. >> stephen: east battery. east battery. well, let's see. let's educate the people a little bit who may not know everything they need to know about shepard fairey. you first made an impression in the street art scene with your famous "obey" icon, andre the giant says obey. all right. and then you rose to international prominence with your "obama hope" poster from 2008. ( applause ) >> right, unexpected. >> stephen: is there anything that these two posters have in common? ( laughter ) >> yes. >> stephen: they're both leaders. >> well, they're both about putting across my philosophy. which, the obey is getting people to question obedience and, you know, in a sense it's
antagonistic, it's provocative. the obama was after a very dark period of the bush years and a lot of cynicism. it was a genuinely optimistic gesture, very sincere. >> stephen: do you still feel optimistic about the president? >> blocking the keystone pipeline was something that i'm very proud of him doing. ( cheers and applause ) >> but that's a complicated question. it's a complicated question. >> stephen: okay. well, you make some complicated art. and you have a new book of art you have done since 2008. it's called "covert to overt." >> yeah. >> stephen: what do you mean covert to overt? when were you covert? >> well, pretty much my whole career was built upon bringing art to people in the streets where they live, not going to galleries or museums or other very narrow, elitist places, but to put art where people live. because i think art has an incredible potential to affect people emotionally and intellectually and create conversations. so the way that music works,
things like johnny cash, public enemy, bob marley, the clash, i think visual art should do more of that. it should affect people viscerally and be very democratic and accessible. so i was underground doing things on the street because you can get in trouble for doing things on the street. >> stephen: and you like getting in trouble? >> i don't like getting in trouble. i like-- >> stephen: you've gotten in trouble a lot. >> i have. i have. >> stephen: not everybody goes to jail for their art. >> well, i have maybe a higher level of commitment than a lot of people do. ( cheers and applause ) but what i believe is really important is finding any means that you can, to connect with people, and there were no opportunities provided for me so i had to create my own opportunities. but now i utilize what i called inside/outside strategy. for years i was an outsider. now because i had the courage to put my work out there, a lot of people have offered me ways to
do things with multiple platforms and in a sense i've infiltrated the system. and sometimes people think that that means you will compromise. but i actually think if you are shrewd you can use the machinery in a way that is not compromised, has integrity and yet reaches more people. that's why i'm here. >> stephen: welcome. welcome to the machine. ( applause ) welcome. we're going to grease your cogs. >> thank you. >> stephen: you're actually-- you have actually worked in paris. i understand you are leaving tomorrow to go to paris to do some work over there. >> yes. >> stephen: what was your reaction to the attacks in paris? and how do you think art can help? >> well, you know, my reaction was, i think, initially just shock and disbelief. but i am glad that the project is moving forward in paris because there was some question whether it would or not. but it's about climate change. and it's there for the u.n. summit on climate change. i will be doing a large public art installation. and what i hope is that art
helps people to think about what human beings have in common, positive things, bring people together, about things that really are going to affect everyone. it's the future of the planet. it's the future of humanity. so you know, terror is a horrible thing that can create fear and division but i want to bring people together with what i do. >> stephen: well,-- ( applause ) if we can just talk about something that brings us together, you and i went to the same school. >> yes. >> stephen: in south carolina. i was a few years ahead of you. but i thought this might be the time to share our photos from our school. there i am, right there. ( laughter ) well, folks, "covert to overt" is available now, shepard fairey, everybody. thank you so much, shepard. ( applause ) ♪ ♪
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>> stephen: that's it for the late show. tune in tomorrow when my guests will be julianne moore, burt reynolds and a performance by public image limited. but before we go, the rock cat. ( applause ) captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org reggie: ♪ are you ready to have some fun and feel the love tonight we really need it. yes, we do it's "the late late show" ♪